


Bloodline

by Justacami



Category: Blake Shelton (Musician), Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M, Shefani - Freeform, The Voice Us - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 192,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25890865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justacami/pseuds/Justacami
Summary: Gwen tasted the same forbidden fruit her unfaithful husband had tasted many times before. But what happens when a simple miscalculation puts her in the middle of a giant mess that turns her life upside down in one of her most vulnerable moments? Gwen must decide whether to give a chance to a new life, or to cling to the old one she is used to.
Relationships: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani
Comments: 496
Kudos: 424





	1. Sometimes I wish for a mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, I'm back. After writing something more complex I am inclined to write a simpler story, but rich in its characters.  
> I hope it interests you and that it’s as much fun for you to read it as it’s been for me to write it.
> 
> I really hope you like it.

It was the first time that week that the strong sun gave a truce and a calm breeze blew the leaves of the trees and refreshed the sultry Los Angeles climate. It was a Saturday afternoon but the silence inside of the big house sounded more like a Sunday night. She wasn’t going to complain, though, moments of silence in her life were rare like a two dollar bill. Her alone time was almost inexistent too, at the point of her life.

Even though that was one of those moments of silence and solitude, Gwen had chosen to spend her time looking through the window and watching her two oldest sons playing in the backyard. The two boys were barefoot, disheveled, sweaty and very wild, just the way they liked the most. Kingston, the eldest, was even shirtless. The third boy, her baby, slept peacefully in his crib, right in the next room, and the baby monitor only reproduced his calm breathing.

They were three boys, and between school, extra classes, after school programs and homework — less Apollo, who was still a 14 months old baby — there was little time left for fun, so quiet and free Saturdays like that were highly appreciated by the boys, and by her too.

She saw when Zuma — her middle boy, six years old — got angry when the ball he was playing with got stuck in the tree branch again, and Kingston — 8 years old —taught his brother to throw his flip flops up until it hit the right spot to make the ball fall back to the ground.

Gwen chuckled softly when she saw them complete that mission together. If there was anything intact inside her, it was the love and dedication she had and would always have for her children. She would go back in time and go through everything again, good or bad, just so she could still have the three of them in her arms. As much as she regretted many things in her life so far, her children were not one of those things. 

She stood there, completely amused by that sweet moment between her older boys, and so distracted she didn’t even notice someone else had just entered the room.

“The water was delicious, darling.” His familiar voice and the usual accent took her by surprise, but she didn't let the slight fright show. 

It was also not necessary to turn towards the door to know exactly who had joined her in the large master bedroom. So she simply didn’t even look. 

"I wasn't in the mood." Gwen said quietly, moving closer to the window, as if she needed to be distracted by something else urgently.

"What are you doing there?" He asked, in a slightly humorous tone. 

She was forced to leave the window aside and turn towards him. She didn't want to seem rude, and her disinterest in that subject bordered on insensitivity.

Gavin was half naked, with just a towel wrapped around his waist and another one he was using to dry his damp hair. His broad, muscular chest was completely exposed. Gwen quickly looked away. 

"I was just watching the boys playing." She said, again uninterested in that matter. Uninterested also in the way he seemed to purposely show his body while walking in the room.

“Why are you spying on them?" He asked, laughing as if what she was doing was funny, and maybe even a little weird. 

"I was just watching them." She said, the smile vanishing completely from her face. “They’re my kids.”

"That’s a little weird, honey." Gavin laughed again. This time for a little longer, as if he was really enjoying it. “They are boys, they don’t want mom watching them all the time. They will want less and less of it from now on.”

“Why do you have to say things like that?” Gwen rolled her eyes and sighed. 

“Hey honey, relax.” He was still laughing, like it was all a joke. “You don’t have to be so angry all the time." Gavin approached her from behind, bringing his hands to her waist on either side of her body and his lips immediately touched her neck. Gwen did not move. “I think you are too nervous. Maybe I can help you with that.” 

His hands held tightly to Gwen's waist and his lips sucked on the skin on her neck. She felt very uncomfortable, even though she knew she shouldn't, and that it should be considered a normal behavior, since Gavin was her husband. Still, she only felt a sense of repulsion as soon as he touched her, that was what she had been feeling since last February. That and nothing else. She was completely shut down for every other kind of feeling. 

Gwen moved her head a little, trying to make him move away, but it didn’t work. He continued to explore her body with his hands and her neck with his lips, until he dug his teeth into her skin and it was as if it woke her up from a trance. 

“No.” She said, flinching in the next second. "I don’t want it. I can’t.”

“It's okay, relax, darling.” Gavin tried to grab her around the waist again. This time Gwen pushed him away.

"No!" She denied it again. “Stop telling me to relax.”

“What the fuck, Gwen?” He gave up and stepped back. “For how long will you punish me?” He asked, losing some of his control. His voice had changed from a seductive, low tone to a louder and unsatisfied one, even a little annoyed. “That’s why I have to look for it elsewhere.” 

“Oh fuck you! Don't talk like I was denying this to you before I knew what you did.” She felt like punching him in the face to make sure that man realized how mad she was, and how hurt, but she wasn’t brave enough. 

Gwen had gone through many stages since discovering that Gavin had been cheating on her for years with the person she trusted with her children's lives and well-being. Someone who was always around, always available, and inside of her own house. 

At first it was just plain shock and slowly came the denial phase. The way she spent two whole days locked in a room, trying to convince herself that it was an absurd lie and that it wasn’t happening to her, pretty much summed it all up. Then came the anger, the hate, the fury. At that stage she definitely could have punched Gavin in the face easily, but she stayed as far away from him as possible. It was the short period of time that they were separated until she decided what she would do about that. But all that anger that had been building up inside of her, during those two months since she found out, had became something else. It had turned into sadness, depression, disappointment, pain and insecurity.

Of all the stages, that one was the worst, because it wasn't about Gavin, it was about her. 

“Why are we even trying, Gwen? This is obviously not going to work.” He lowered his voice again, letting out a long sigh. “You can barely look at me. Why are we trying to pretend we stand a chance?”

“We are doing it for our children." She replied, a little calmer as well. “For our family. But you need to give me time. It's very recent, it still hurts. I don't know how to deal with it.”

“But if we're going to do this, maybe you should be less selfish and try harder." Gavin did not refrain from saying that. He didn't even think about whether it was fair or not. "I cannot stay in a relationship in which I’m the only one trying. And I won’t stay if you are not going to give me what I need.” 

“Well, maybe don’t fuck the nanny next time." Gwen snarled at him, losing her temper again. 

“Oh my god, it’s just impossible to talk to you.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re starting to sound crazy repetitive and annoying, like you always do when you open your mouth and talk too much.” 

"You don't have to stay, Gavin." She turned her back to him again and faced the window. “If you don't have the patience, I understand. You can just leave this relationship now.”

“I don't want to, honey." Gavin came over to plant a small peck on her face, and then walked away again. “I love you. I love our children, our family. I won’t leave you. ”

“So be better." Gwen went straight to the point. “Please.”

“Ah, for fuck’s sake, Gwen. You talk as if you were something special.” He rolled his eyes again. His patience was gone. "The reason you are still here is that you know you can't find anything better than me, being the way you are."

“The way I am?" She turned to him again.

“Yeah, you're not the most interesting person in the room anymore, you know? You haven’t been in quite a long time now. You have been locked up in your bubble with the children for years and you don’t really know how the world is outside anymore. And I'm not talking about the playground, I'm talking about the industry.” Gavin was clear, and that made Gwen frown. “The Voice won’t save your career. It doesn’t make you special.” 

“Oh, fuck you.” This time Gwen yelled at him. “I pay the fucking bills, I work as I need to and I raise these kids.” She could already hear Apollo crying in the other room, the baby was awake because of her screams.

Gwen saw when Gavin's dark eyes got even darker, a second before he spoke again. “None of it makes you more interesting. Or younger.” He said it because he knew it would hurt her.

She looked at him in complete silence for a few seconds with a shocked look. Her mouth was partially open, but her brain didn't seem to be able to reply to something like that.

"Get out of my way." It was the only thing she said when she passed by him.

"Great, you woke him up." Gavin hadn't finished hurting her yet. "What a great mother you are."

"At least I'm around." Gwen returned the favor before leaving.

  


***

  


_She couldn't believe what was happening. Her feet were off the floor, swaying in the air, her legs wrapped tightly and firmly around his waist while her back was pressed against the cold bathroom tile wall. The zipper on the back of her black leather dress was open, the metal digging into her skin as the two bodies moved in an intense and delicious way._

_Big, firm, strong hands held her waist and her behind, keeping her up against his body, attached to him the way he wanted. He then thrusted forward, pressing against her body and invading her deeply at once. The action was unexpected, but obviously appreciated, and the muffled whimper she let out while biting lightly on his shoulder made that clear._

_"Blake—” Gwen moaned in his ear, low and dragged, completely maddened by the way he handled and explored her body._

_Blake's mouth searched for hers and they kissed each other in an eloquent way, even with a certain urgency and aggressiveness. Gwen tried to open the buttons on his shirt, thirsty to touch his skin, to completely immerse herself in the welcoming and irresistible heat that his body emanated. She wanted more, needed more. But he grabbed her wrist and lifted it over her head, holding it against the wall._

_“Don't tell me that I have to stop now. You are too irresistible.” His husky, pleasure-filled voice whispered in her ear._

_Gwen moaned again, this time a little less restrained. “No, please, keep going. I don't want you to stop.”_

_It was too late to want anything that wasn't getting to the bottom of that anyway. Blake's lower body thrusted forward again, hard and firm, against her, making Gwen's eyes roll with pleasure as she dug her nails into his lower back, under his plaid shirt._

_She yelped. He groaned low, stroking harshly against her repeatedly now, at a steady pace, until he was pounding inside of her. Gwen's hips bounced forward towards him, looking for more contact, more depth, more intimacy. Their bodies slammed against the bathroom door. Groans and moans were being sucked in by intense kisses._

_The way their bodies moved in perfect harmony was somewhat scary to her. The perfect fit was strangely delicious. The flood of sensations was nothing like what she had ever felt before, especially the intensity of it. It could be because of the forbidden fruit factor. Or the way they were flirting and teasing each other before. It could even be the uncomfortable bathroom wall. Or it could just be him. It could be that he was that good._

_Suddenly, Blake let out a loud, long groan, and his body thrusted violently against hers, making him charge forward again and again, crazy with pleasure. Gwen did not have time to appreciate the intense climax that she had caused him, because her own body was invaded by a madly intense sensation of pleasure._

_“Oh my god…” She gasped. “I’m c-coming… fuck.”_

Gwen woke up agitated. Her torso rose quickly and she sat up on the bed. It was the middle of the night, the room was completely dark and quiet, except for her loud panting.

Probably disturbed by the noise she made when she woke up like that, Gavin moved on the bed beside her, and she immediately felt guilty for the dream she had just had. 

Although it wasn't exactly a dream.

Gwen ran both hands over her face and hair, trying to get back to reality as quickly as possible. She turned on the bed, taking a deep breath to control her irregular breathing. Her feet swayed slightly out of the bed, her legs were trembling, still the effect of what her subconscious had just brought up. But that wasn’t the only effect the dream had caused. Her heart was racing, her hands were shaking and it didn't take long for her to notice the wet sensation between her legs.

"This is ridiculous." She sighed, very quietly, before getting out of bed.

She went to the bathroom and washed her face.

Looking at her reflection in the mirror was intimidating. Gwen felt guilty and ashamed because of the dream she had and the way she woke up, but she would get over that eventually. 

Through the baby monitor on the nightstand, she heard Apollo toss and turn in his crib. His soft cry came soon after, when he woke up and found himself alone in the dark room. She left the bathroom and went back to the room, picking up the baby monitor and leaving behind a sleepy Gavin, with a confused look on his face.

“I’ve got him." Gwen informed her husband, not stopping to look at him. She just couldn't.

She went to the baby's room, took Apollo, changed his diaper and went downstairs with him attached to her hips. The house was in the dark, but Gwen navigated well between the walls and furniture. She was used to it. 

She made a bottle for Apollo and went back up the stairs, sitting with him on the comfortable white couch in the nursery. Apollo gladly accepted the bottle, sucking its contents right away. They were in the dark again, and Gwen held her baby in her arms as she was feeding him, humming softly while rocking him slowly, so hopefully he would go right back to sleep when satisfied.

It was so peaceful and quiet that she almost fell asleep herself, until the bedroom door opened slowly and her middle boy stuck his head inside.

“Hey, Zums, did Apollo wake you up?" Gwen whispered to him, trying not to wake up the baby in her arms too much. Zuma nodded while rubbing his eyes. “I'm sorry, baby. Come here. Lay with mommy.” She called, and so the boy did.

Gwen’s middle son went through the nursery door and closed it, approaching the other two and laid on the empty space in the couch next to his mother.

Zuma stared at her with his big, sweet eyes, eyes like hers. Gwen smiled at him, because it was the only thing she could do, since she had both hands busy with Apollo.

"Can we have another baby?" The boy whispered to ask. "Apollo is already too big."

It almost made her choke. "Don't you think you already have too many brothers?" Gwen asked, softly chuckling.

The correct answer would be: “hell no”, or something like that. Three boys was already too much work. But Zuma was only six years old, he was too small to understand how much work a baby was.

"I wanted another baby." He rubbed his tired eyes, blinking slowly afterwards.

“Close your eyes, baby.” She didn't really want to keep the conversation going. 

Zuma nodded, tucking his feet behind her back, between Gwen's body and the soft couch. She enjoyed the snuggles as he curled up beside her.

  


***

  


Gavin left the house before breakfast. According to him, he had an appointment scheduled in the studio with the band. They were trying to work on something. Gwen didn't mind being alone with the boys at all, no matter how chaotic the mornings could end up being. However, most mornings like that, she had the company of her sister-in-law, who helped her with everything, especially the kids. Jen had two children, the oldest was Stella, Gwen's niece, and the youngest was Leo, who was Apollo's age. 

It was a lazy Sunday, but that day wasn’t any different. Jen drove there with the kids early morning, and after breakfast, the children went right outside to have fun, while the two of them were still drinking their coffee and talking on the porch. The backyard was full of toys and the older kids were enjoying the pool while the younger ones were still tied to the high chairs, eating the rest of their breakfast fruit.

"Earth to Gwen." Jen grabbed Apollo’s sippy cup that was pouring over the high chair tray.

"Hm?" Gwen was not paying attention, but she soon realized the mess her baby was making. “Oh my God!" She took the paper towel roll to clean it. “Sorry, I'm so distracted."

“I can see that." Jen didn't judge her, Gwen lived for those kids, but she wasn’t doing very well in the past few months. “What’s wrong?"

“Nothing, I did some check up, and the doctor was supposed to call me, but still nothing.” She cleaned the tray and dried Apollo’s little hands. “I'm a little worried about that." 

Lies. Jen knew that was an excuse, but she just nodded. A brief silence fell between them.

"The situation is still bad, isn't it?" Jen suddenly asked. They had been silent for only a few seconds and that subject had already come up. 

But Gwen didn't mind talking about it with her sister-in-law, after all, she had to talk to someone, and Jen was the only friend she trusted lately.

"Yes, it‘s bad." She confirmed, taking a sip of her coffee. “I can't sleep with him. If you know what I mean.” She tried not to use strong words, even though Apollo and Leo were too young to understand. “I hate it when he touches me. All I can think about is how he did the same thing to _her_. How he probably did this to her in _my_ bed.” Gwen shook her head. "I can't just let that go.”

“And you don't have to let it go now." Jen sighed. “What he did is unforgivable, Gwen. I understand why you want to try to fix it cause it’s your family, but it won't work overnight.” She put another piece of blueberry in Leo's mouth.

"That's what I told him." Gwen looked at Apollo, who was too distracted, eating and looking at the older kids in the backyard. 

“I don't even know if you'll ever be able to have sex with him again, I mean, those thoughts about what he did may never go away. You know that."

As Jen was speaking, Gwen lost focus and let her mind drift slowly just by the slightest mention of the word ‘sex’. She didn't even notice the moment when she stopped paying attention and let that memory dominate her completely. But as she thought about that same day in the bathroom, she could even feel Blake's strong hands grabbing her thighs and lifting her off the floor as if she weighed nothing. 

He carried her over to the tile wall and pressed her body with his. His tall, strong figure dominated every inch of her, leaving her breathless, completely shook, and without an escape. Not that she really wanted to escape him that day. 

Gwen still remembered how Blake unzipped his dark jeans and pulled her tight leather dress up as if it was an emergency. One of his arms rested under her ass and the other hand pulled her panties down. And...

“Gwen?" She suddenly jumped when she heard her name.

"Hm?" Gwen bit her lower lip and crossed her legs slightly, clearing her throat. 

Her eyes searched for Jen and found her with a confused expression. 

"Are you okay?" Her sister-in-law asked.

"I think so." Her voice came out a little hoarse, so she cleared her throat again. "Jenny, do you remember that party you made me go to?" Gwen decided to talk about it at once, or she would end up suffocated. 

“Party? That one right after everything went down?” Jen asked, and she nodded. “Yes, I think I remember.”

“It was Adam’s party, remember? ” Gwen said, just to remind her, but Jen knew exactly what she was talking about. "Something happened that night, and I never told anyone, but I think I need to do it now or I’m going to go crazy."

“What?" The sister-in-law looked at her suspiciously. “I remember that you got home very late, even though you were texting me saying that it was a bad idea and that you wanted to leave. What happened?"

“I did a very, very stupid thing that night."

"What, Gwen?" Jen's eyes widened. “You are scaring me."

"I'll tell you from the beginning.” Gwen sat up on the porch’s couch, keeping her eyes on the children around the pool. “It was a Friday in the middle of February..."

FLASHBACK —

__

_This was a terrible idea. I want to get out of here._ — She texted. Her fingers quickly working on her behalf.

The poorly lit environment and the very loud music were giving her the worst headache ever. It had been so long since she had done anything like that, and honestly, she didn’t miss it. 

Gwen adjusted her tight, black leather dress and ran her fingers through her long, layered cut, platinum blonde hair, perfectly styled, with subtle waves on its ends, in the most attractive way to most people’s eyes. She wasn't doing any of that to get anyone's attention, but even in that crowded place, she noticed when a certain pair of eyes started to stare at her from afar.

She then placed the small handbag under her arm and approached the waiter. "Please, I need another one of these." She got ahold of another old-fashioned glass as soon as she was close enough.

Her phone vibrated. 

__

_It's been less than two hours since you left. Please give it a try._ — The text with Jen’s name appeared on the screen and Gwen rolled her eyes.

__

_How are the kids?_ — She texted back, typing with only one hand, because of the drink.

With that, she was implying that she would stay a little longer at the party. 

__

_They are sleeping. Have fun._ — It was her sister-in-law’s brief reply.

This time Gwen softly chuckled. She lifted her head and took a deep breath. It was just a party, it wasn't a big deal at all. She would be able to survive that night if she was able to pick her head up and make the slightest effort. It was just for one night anyway. 

With that new way of thinking and Jen's words in her head, Gwen put her phone away in the small purse and looked up to scan the environment another time. It was just a spacious room, with a bar, big TVs, and a dance floor, but she knew she was actually in Adam's basement, where he and his wife Behati used to throw parties sporadically, for a few friends. She had never been to one of those before, but it seemed to her that there was way more than just a few friends there. 

It was February. The week before that one, her life had turned completely upside down and Gwen was still figuring out what she would do about that. She thought that events like that one could help her distract herself. Actually, Jen thought it would help her and she believed her somehow. Well, Gwen didn’t really have a choice, she desperately needed a distraction or she would probably die of anger soon. She was in her darkest place since finding out about her husband's infidelity at that time, but she wasn't exactly sad, she was enraged.

During her short journey with her eyes between the faces of those present at the party, a random man greeted her with a brief lift of his glass. His interested look suggested that it was an invitation, but Gwen ignored it. Another man watched her from the bar. This one was wearing a suit, and smiled pleasantly when she returned the looked. He was also ignored.

Gwen didn’t really want to interact with anyone, until she ended up in an encounter with the same pair of eyes from before, that were still staring at her. Then, in a sudden act of daring, she went back to the waiter and took another glass of old-fashioned, carrying them both to the other side of the room with her. Throughout the way, for some reason, she kept staring at that pair of blue eyes that had been staring at her all that time. She returned the look with the same intensity and interest, without even knowing why she was doing that. 

"It looks like you need one of these." Gwen lifted the drink and handed it over to him. “Hi, Blake.”

Blake was wearing a blue plaid, button shirt — that color highlighted his eyes, she noticed — and dark jeans that were the perfect size for his long legs, with cowboy boots on his feet, as always.

The highlight was: He smelled so good.

He was standing in the corner and it didn't seem like he wanted to be interacting with anyone either, unless it included flirting with her eyes.

Blake took the glass and let out a small laugh. “Thanks, but this sucks." He said, criticizing her terrible choice of cocktail. "If I needed to drink, it would certainly be something much stronger." 

She could have taken offense — and at another stage in her life she certainly would have — but at that moment, she just looked at him with an intense look in her eyes. 

“Come on, there's a strong whiskey touch there. Don't discard something before you try it.” Gwen's lips curved into a playful smile a second before they wrapped the top of the straw in her drink to take a long sip.

Blake took his straw to his mouth as well and took a brief sip, but the disapproving look in his eyes a second later said it all. “Yeah, it’s crap.” He concluded. “Maybe one day I can introduce you to some real drinks. Everything here at Adam’s suck, sometimes I even bring my own vodka.”

Gwen laughed and realized that Blake watched her with a subtle smile, admiring the effect that his joke had on her. She realized there, that the attention he gave her was something that made her feel interesting and that was not something she felt often in the last few years. While it was very good to feel that way, something inside her screamed that she would never be able to keep his attention for long. She was sure she wasn’t that interesting. 

"I never thought you would be the type of person I would see at one of Adam’s party.” Blake cleared his throat to say, and Gwen realized that her silence had forced him to search for another subject.

"This is actually my first." She confessed, biting her lower lip. "But you are the last person I expected to find here, cowboy.” She was alternating between words and brief sips of her drink, but her eyes never left his. 

Blake's eyes seemed to lose focus for a second, and they got really dark too while he leaned back against the wall. "I have been accepting his invitations for the past few months." There was a reason there, something that had certainly happened in those few months. Something she didn't know about. “But his parties suck.” He quickly found a way to bring the previous mood back. "I was planning on making this my last one, but if you're going to keep showing up, let me know." Maybe out of nervousness or just to finish that sentence, he took the straw back to his mouth and took a longer sip of the drink he had already said he didn’t like. 

Gwen watched him closely, keeping her eyes on his. That flirtation was a little less subtle than any other that had happened in that conversation so far, but instead of feeling shy and getting away from it, Gwen felt a tingling sensation in her lower body. She didn't even know where that came from. 

She thought about it quickly. She was currently separated from her husband due to his infidelity, at least until she decided what she wanted to do about her marriage. And her new favorite thing was hating on him deeply. Also, that night was meant to be exactly for that. Jen had insisted that Gwen accept Adam's invitation so that she could experience for one night what it was like to be a completely free woman. She no longer remembered what that felt like, but Blake’s interested gaze was giving her life. 

Determined, Gwen leaned forward suggestively, her body turned in Blake’s direction, leaning against the wall next to him. He looked at her without blinking so he wouldn’t miss a thing. Gwen reached for the cocktail stick in his drink and pulled it out of his glass, bringing it up to trap the cherry that was spiked at the end between her red lips. 

“Careful now.” Blake’s voice was barely above a whisper and he did not take his eyes off her, alternating between her eyes and her lips.

Gwen stared back at him and pressed the small fruit between her lips until it slid smoothly into her mouth. Blake swallowed harshly. 

The cherry fell apart in Gwen's mouth as she watched the way he seemed to struggle to not show any other reaction to her. Their flirtation game came out of nowhere and got to a point where it just got too hot. 

“Sorry.” She whispered back. “You weren't going to eat it anyway, were you?”

He shook his head. “But I enjoyed watching you do it.” He wasn't going to give his intentions completely in so easily, apparently, but they kept the fire slowly burning. 

The look of pure desire with a hint of lust he had was starting a fire inside her, something she hadn't felt for a long time. She was excited, her heart was beating fast and her whole body was responding to every look Blake threw her, every charming and suggestive smile, every attractive detail he had.

Gwen was at that party to distract herself from the disaster that her life had become, and she might have just found herself the best kind of the distraction. Maybe it would be a huge mistake, but the possibility of making that mistake was making her feel really good at that moment, just by the way Blake looked at her as if she was the most interesting and desirable thing in the whole world. But, Gwen wouldn't make any mistakes without knowing about his marriage status, because she knew he was married.

Taking advantage of the adrenaline and the desire she felt, Gwen leaned forward again, bringing her lips close to his ear. “Meet me in the upstairs bathroom. You have 5 minutes.” She whispered purposefully, giving her words a drawn, seductive tone. But whispering was not necessarily needed, no one around would be able to hear anything with such loud music. "But only if you are not committed to anyone."

And with that, she walked away, feeling so confident that she didn't even have to look back to know what she had caused him. It had been so long that Gwen forgot how delicious and entertaining the seduction and flirtation game was. She also had forgotten how good she could be at it. 

But the truth was, she didn't know what could happen and what the consequences would be if anything actually happened. She also wasn’t sure if she would really go ahead with it, but she still found herself going up the stairs towards the area of the house designated only to family and real friends. Adam had said that she could have access if she wanted to, especially if she felt like using the toilet. Gwen had been in that part of the house a few times before, whether at dinner parties or just to hang out with Adam and other mutual friends.

She didn't quite remember how she found her way to the bathroom, but there was a long hallway and she crossed it until she passed the dining room, entering the bathroom that was next to the living room.

Gwen closed the door behind her and walked to the sink counter, resting her hand purse and her drink there. Inside, with the door closed, the terribly loud party music was barely heard, and that calm alone made her feel relieved. However, the first thing she saw when she lifted her head was her reflection in the big mirror. Her hair was perfectly styled, her makeup was flawless, with her signature red lipstick accentuating her lips. Her black leather dress was tight on her body, outlining her slim silhouette. And the expensive high heels she wore were heavy, but gorgeous.

Gwen had lost count of how many compliments she had gotten that night, necks and heads would turn wherever she went, just to look at her, but still she was suddenly hit by a strong wave of insecurity. Again she didn’t feel interesting enough, and that wasn’t just about outer beauty. 

But she didn't have time to sink into her own doubts, because the bathroom door opened and closed quickly. Through the mirror, Gwen saw Blake come in and locate her with his eyes. She turned around and he locked the door before turning too.

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, until he cleared his throat. “Are you drunk?” 

“What?” She was taken aback by that question. “No. Are you?”

“Clearly not enough.” Blake stepped forward, towards her. “I am separated." He said as he was getting closer. “Getting divorced. Does that count as uncommitted?” Then he was close enough, but he waited for her confirmation, which came in the form of a quick nod. "Great, because I noticed your ring." 

"My ring?" She looked at both of her hands. She wore many rings. 

"Yes. I know what it looks like, and I know it’s not there.” Blake said, resting his hands on the sink counter behind her, trapping her between his two strong arms. "I would never flirt if it was there."

Gwen was surprised, she had no idea anyone would notice that, especially in the middle of so many other rings. She was not wearing her wedding ring on purpose, because every time she looked at that jewel, she tended to get very angry. 

She decided that she wasn’t going to explain her situation to him, even though she probably should. Instead of wasting time with that, Gwen’s hand went up and she held one of Blake's upper arms, closing her fingers over it and feeling his turned muscles against her palm, even though they were still under his shirt. He closed the distance between them with another step forward and she let out a low groan when his body pressed hers against the bathroom counter. 

That sound made him give up any kind of game they were playing, and Blake leaned his body in an agile and urgent way, mashing his lips against hers in a way that even seemed a little too rough, but Gwen didn’t complain, she kissed him back, pushing his lips and opening her mouth to let his hungry tongue invade her. Blake tasted like straight up vodka with a sweet hint of some kind of fruit that she couldn’t exactly make up. 

Gwen took her hand to the back of his neck and he grabbed a hand full of her hair in the back of her head, making her whole body tremble slightly with desire, even though he wasn’t really pulling it, just holding. Their tongues were battling and she felt a heat wave travel throughout her body, causing her to moan into his mouth as Blake pulled her up to sit on the counter. 

END FLASHBACK —

“He kissed me like he wanted to suck the life out of me and it was the craziest thing ever.” Gwen whispered to Jen, always looking around to make sure no one was close enough to hear anything. “It was firm and determined, so moist and so good. I don’t know.”

“Oh my dear god.” Her sister-in-law had her hand over her own mouth as she was listening to her. “I can’t believe you made out with Blake Shelton.”

“Jenny, oh my god! Don’t say his name!” She quickly looked around, but the older kids were still playing near the pool and the only ones around were Leo and Apollo, who were too young to understand anything they were saying. “We actually did more than that.”

“Gwen??” Jen’s mouth was now hanging open. “Tell me.”

“We, hm…” Gwen was struggling to say that. “We had sex that night.” 

Jen's eyes widened, but instead of reacting negatively, she burst out laughing. "What? This is surreal.”

"Shut up, it's your fault, you made me go to that stupid party." Gwen rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we had sex. That’s it.” She lowered her voice even more. 

Jen let out a high, muffled squeak. "That’s it? No! I want to know everything. How was it? What's he like?”  
Gwen shot her a shocked look, but then she let out a playful laughed. “Big.” She mouthed. Jen muffled a loud laugh. “It was the craziest but most incredible sexual experience of my life.” She reached her hands to cover Apollo's ears and her sister-in-law did the same with Leo. “We had crazy amazing sex against the bathroom wall and, oh my god, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m dreaming about it and apparently, even day dreaming now.”

Jen couldn't hold back a loud laugh that made Apollo jump scared. “Sorry, but I'm finding this story really interesting. What happened next?" 

Gwen quickly lost the smile that was dancing on her lips. “It was weird, Jen. We had sex like two savages in the bathroom at a party at Adam's house and it was amazing, but that was it. I couldn't even think about replying a text from him the next day, much less looking him in the face.”

“Oh no, did you ghost him?" The other woman still paid attention as if she was watching a very interesting movie. 

Gwen nodded. “He called and texted for a while, I never answered or replied." She confessed.

“My God, Gwen, why not? Are you dumb?"

"Hey!" She frowned. “Well, because I'm married, right? And Gavin and I ended up deciding to try again for our family.”

“Oh fuck Gavin.” Jen rolled her eyes and Gwen gasped because of the bad word. She had to bring her voice a tone down to a whisper again. “How many times do you think he did that? How many women? And you were not separated when he did any of that.” Jen crossed her arms in front of her body. 

“Ok, first of all, that hurt.” Gwen shook her head. “And whatever, what I did is done. Blake is a big boy, he will get over it.”

“But you won’t, cause you still think about that night a lot.” Jen made sure to remind her. "Can I ask you something? Why did you get involved with Blake that night? What made you flirt back? ”

“I'm not sure." Gwen was lost in her thoughts for a few seconds. "I wasn't drunk and I wasn't exactly trying to get revenge. I was trying to feel something, and that I did.”

“I know you, you are not the kind of woman who would flirt back with just anyone. You were already attracted to him, weren't you?” 

"And is there a single woman who knows him that isn’t?" Gwen asked, as if it was a serious question. “Blake is very charming, handsome, tall, funny, and his eyes ... His eyes are so intense and kind."

"Ok, you just answered my question." Jen laughed. "And what about Gavin, did you think of him while you were with Blake?"

“Oh god, no. I even forgot who I was.” Gwen shook her head, but she had to divert attention from the conversation because of her phone vibrating on her lap. “Oh, it's the doctor, finally. Can you look after the children for a second? ”

“Sure, but come back soon, I want to know more details.” 

Gwen laughed and agreed before pushing the sliding glass door to enter the house. The temperature inside was way lower due to the air conditioning. She took a deep breath, relieved by the change in her surroundings. The cooler air touching her face made her feel instantly more comfortable, and the absence of the children's screams satisfied her ears. 

"Hey doctor, how are you?"

“Hi Gwen. Well, how are you? ” The voice on the other side replied. 

“Not too bad." She shrugged. “So how are my results? Everything ok?" 

Gwen shouldn’t worry that much, she used to do that same check up every year since she turned 40, and always had very positive results.

“Everything is looking good, Gwen, nothing to worry about." The doctor said, but that was not all. "However, there is something that the exams pointed out that I wanted to talk to you about, because I'm not sure if you are aware."

”What do you mean? What is it?" If she was already worried before, she was even more once she knew there was actually something to worry about. 

"Gwen, you are pregnant again."

Silence. It was as if she needed a few seconds to assimilate that information. 

"What? No, I just had Apollo, like a year ago.” Gwen shook her head. That had to be a mistake. “No. I can’t be pregnant.”

“Can you come here tomorrow? I want to talk to you about this. I knew you were going to react like this and I think we need to talk about your options.” 

“Oh my god.” Her head was spinning, Gwen didn't even know what to say or do. 

A child was always a blessing — So she had learned, but that was the worst time to have another baby, with her marriage slowly crumbling. 

And on top of that, there was a chance that baby wasn't even Gavin's. A huge chance. 

“I gotta go. Can you make me an appointment and send an email, please? I'll be there." She said before she hung up without even hearing the answer. “Fuck!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me what you’re thinking?


	2. Feeling like a solar eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can’t believe the love you guys are giving this story already.  
> You inspire me. You’re so amazing, thank you!

_She pulled the leather dress down, adjusting it on her thighs again, in a failed attempt to compose herself, but she was still a mess. An extremely beautiful mess. Her platinum blonde hair was messy, her red lipstick was smeared around her lips, she was barefoot, and the zipper of her dress was almost completely open._

_Blake just leaned against the opposite wall and watched as Gwen wiped her mouth and reapplied her lipstick. He was good right there, although he was searching his mind for a reason to drag that night a little more so it wouldn’t end like that._

_"Do you see my shoes?" She asked when she looked at him through the mirror in front of her._

_"Hm..." He was forced to take his eyes off her to scan the surroundings until he found the high heels she wore before, each one tossed in a different corner of the bathroom. “Yeah.”_

_Blake handed them over to her._

_“Thanks." Gwen said, still focused on fixing her makeup._

_He was impressed by the amount of stuff that came out of that small bag._

_Blake was standing next to her now, looking in the same mirror. So close like that, he could smell the perfume that she wore. However, he did not know how to act, so the proximity added to the silence was bothering him deeply._

_If he was honest, he wanted to touch her, he wanted to say something, but he didn't know if he should. Of course Blake had had casual sex before and knew how to act afterwards, but it was very different this time. It wasn't like Gwen was a stranger at a bar or like he was too drunk to remember. She was someone he knew, who he worked with and who would spend a lot of time in the same place as him later that year. Also, surprisingly, Blake was almost completely sober._

_Overcome by his discomfort, he took a few steps to the side. Gwen looked in his direction at that very moment, as if she had noticed something._

_“Hey, can you—” She didn't finish her request, just turned her back to him and indicated the open zipper of her dress._

_Blake immediately understood and approached her again. He took one hand to the middle of her back, holding the zipper’s metal strips on both sides. Gwen pushed her hair to one side of her neck, leaving her back free to make his job easier. Blake's other hand gripped the zipper and slowly raised it, closing it completely._

_"Thanks." She thanked him again, this time with a brief glance in his direction._

_It was then that Blake noticed that Gwen's eyes had some kind of aggravated shyness in them, as if she was embarrassed or not knowing how to act, just like him. It was even hard to believe that she was the same person from one hour ago, when they were flirting subtly and she showed a boldness he didn't even know she had, acting fiercely and unapologetic to get what she wanted. Or the same person from when they were having sex, who behaved as wildly and guided by pleasure as he did. It was as if there were two Gwens there that night, the one from before and the one staring at him right there._

_Blake didn't know whether to drag attention to the fact that he had noticed that change in her behavior, but he really wanted to do something so she wouldn't have to feel so shy around him, especially because he was thinking that maybe they had just screwed up the chemistry they had._

_"Hey, look at me, I look like a clown." Blake indicated his own mouth, with red lipstick smeared around it. "But those comics ones, very scary."_

_Gwen looked back at him and Blake wasn’t sure what she was thinking at first, but suddenly she started laughing. Not a quiet laugh, she laughed out loud, as if that joke added to his full of lipstick face were the funniest thing in the world._

_He automatically started laughing with her and they ended up in an endless cycle of laughter. They looked at each other and laughed like they were intoxicated or something, and Gwen's body even bent a few times until it was so much that she had to actually sit on the floor. He followed her, sitting right by her side._

_At one point, Blake didn't even know what all that laughter was about anymore, but he even had tears wetting the corners of his eyes. He was just glad to see her acting normal again._

_"A clown?" She finally seemed to have collected herself enough to be able to say something. "You are so dumb, Blake Shelton."_

_Now softly chuckling, Gwen turned to him, lifting one of her arms and grabbing the same wet wipe she used on herself to wipe around his mouth, and over his lips._

_Blake looked at her, focusing on her beautiful face as she concentrated on what she was doing. “Why does it taste like grapefruit and alcohol? It seems like a wet wipe made of a bad cocktail.”_

_She laughed a little more. “I don’t know. It’s supposed to calm your skin after you clean it.”_

_“Whatever that means.” He shrugged, but his eyes were lost inside of hers again._

_Blake tried really hard not to say something stupid, but before he knew, it was too late. "What we did was... Interesting." He started to say._

_Gwen's eyes widened. "Please don’t do that." She asked, stopping what she was doing._

_“Do what?” He was confused, but she had that half shy, half ashamed look back. “Hey?” Blake held Gwen's chin and lifted her head._

_She looked into his eyes with such intensity that for a moment he thought he saw the same fire from before. The same bold and fierce Gwen._

_But she faded away as quickly as she had showed herself. "Blake, I need to go." Gwen looked away and pushed herself up, off the floor._

_He was so glazed into those, very difficult to read, dark eyes, that he felt as if the temperature in the room had cooled slightly when she walked away._

_Even though he was a person who always knew what to say, Blake was speechless. He felt so useless for not knowing what to do or how to act that he ended up just nodding._

_"The kids, you know?" She was justifying herself, even though she didn’t need to do that. "I never meant to stay this late." As she spoke, Gwen quickly ran her fingers through her wild strands of hair, trying to straighten them out. "But I will see you around, right?"_

_"Right." He agreed, tucking his hands safely in his jean pockets._

_"Call me." She said at the end, while putting on her high heels and closing the small handbag._

_Blake didn't answer, he just watched her._

_It didn't seem like Gwen would really be expecting a call from him. Due to the way she seemed in a hurry to get out of there and leave him behind, it seemed more like she was just saying whatever she needed to say so she could leave._

_And Blake was feeling the same discomfort as before._

_With a brief nod, Gwen turned and went out the door without saying anything else and almost without even looking back._

_She left the scene as fast as she walked into it, and it seemed to him that he had screwed up at some point during that night, he just couldn't say exactly when.  
_

“Hey Blake? Blake?” Adam's voice invaded his ears out of nowhere, disturbing his thoughts and daydreams. “Blaaaake???”

But then Blake realized that it wasn't just his voice, Adam was actually sitting there in front of him. They were having lunch together now that he had just returned to Los Angeles. 

“What?" He asked, as if he hadn't just lost himself in the middle of their conversation, and traveled back to that memory without even knowing for how long.

"Are you ok, man?" Adam asked, a little worried. “You seem kind of distracted.” 

“I need a drink.” Blake deeply sighed.

“It’s 12 in the afternoon, we’re not doing this.” Adam frowned and lowered his sunglasses to look at his friend. "I know you and I know you're going through a hard time and I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, man."

“Hm, how about you shut up?" Blake fired, but it wasn't rude, he spoke in a voice tone that made Adam laugh. That was just the way their relationship worked. "Hey, Adam, how's Gwen?" He took the opportunity to ask, unpretentiously.

"Gwen?" Adam shot him a confused look again. “That was a very strange question. Are you trying to change the subject? ”

Blake sighed. "Not really. I'm trying to get into it. ”

“Get into it? Get into what?” It took Adam a few seconds to put the pieces together, but when he did his eyes went wide and he looked at Blake with a shocked expression. "No, you didn't."

Blake laughed. Not because it was funny, it wasn’t funny at all, but because of the look on his friend’s face.

“Hey, hey, wait a minute.” Adam had to lower his voice to something very close to a whisper. “I know we talked about you enjoying life a little while having meaningless relationships with beautiful women, but I meant women you wouldn't be stuck with in a red spinning chair for months. I meant casual sex, you dumbass.” He shook his head.

"We had casual sex in your bathroom, at one of your boring parties." Blake took a long sip of the water that was untouched in front of him for almost 10 minutes.

His throat was dry. He couldn’t believe he was finally talking about that to someone.

“First, that is gross. Absolutely unnecessary. Ew.”

"It’s weird, isn’t it?" Blake was finally having fun with something, and it wasn’t that subject, it was Adam’s facial expressions. “Against the bathroom wall. Right next to your sink counter.” He purposely gave too much information.

Adam threw the restaurant’s menu in the middle of the table, as if he was giving up on ordering something. "I’m not even hungry anymore."

Blake let out one of his loud and slow laughs. “Ok, we don't have to talk about it. I just needed to tell someone.”

“Are you kidding?” Adam’s mouth was still hanging open. “Blake, Gwen is married. What the fuck?” 

“I know, but she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring. I'm not stupid, Adam.” Blake knew very well that he wasn’t making any sense, but he had just lost himself again, because he had avoided talking about it for 2 whole months and now, while finally talking about what happened, he could even smell her perfume again. It was like that smell was ingrained in him somehow, even after all that time. He would never forget that smell and it was disturbing.

"You sound really stupid." His friend sighed. "What happened? How did you end up in that bathroom?” 

"I don’t know. I was alone and quiet in my corner. I wasn’t looking for anything like that, I was just looking.” Blake shrugged and watched as the waitress approached them with a smile.

“Looking?” Adam was clueless, so Blake motioned for him to stop talking.

“Sorry, it is taking a little longer, but everything is coming out fresh for you, ok?" She pulled a small tablet out of her large uniform pocket. "Do you need anything else for now?"

"No, thank you." Adam quickly dismissed her. The woman agreed and walked away. "Just looking? But what happened?”

“She came over and we had a very suggestive conversation. I didn't want that to happen, at least not like that, but I couldn't stop looking at her and before I knew I was flirting and she was flirting back.” Blake explained briefly. “It got out of control. I don't even know how we got to that bathroom, I just know that I was completely numb and that night I felt something." 

“You felt what? What does that mean?" 

“I don't even know what I felt. I just felt it.” This time Blake had a more annoyed tone. “A woman like Gwen flirting with me out of nowhere? I felt really fucking good, that’s how I felt.”

"I bet." It was Adam's turn to laugh. “This is surreal. But the question is: was it good?”

"I won’t give you details. But, my god, yes.” Blake nodded. Adam cast him a mischievous look. "But I think I did something wrong at some point that night.”

"What do you mean? During sex? ”

“After, I think, but I don't know. It may have been during.” He really had no idea what he had done wrong, actually, but suspected a few things. “Maybe it was the way I told her the sex was _interesting_.”

“No, you did not.” 

“Yes I did.” Blake shrugged again. “I’m really out of my game.”

“Oh, you never had one.” Adam mocked. “So?”

“So I called the next day and she didn't answer. I probably should’ve stopped there, but of course I didn't. I texted a couple of times, nothing about what happened, just stupid stuff, you know me. But she never replied.” Blake kept telling him. 

“Fuck, man." Adam shook his head. “You really don’t know how to do this casual thing, huh?”

“I like to humiliate myself, what can I say?” 

“Maybe she is busy.” Adam started to think of all the reasons Gwen could have for not calling or texting him back. “She has 3 children. But I didn’t even know she and her husband were separated.”

Once more, Blake just shrugged. “I don’t know, but that’s fine. Casual sex, right?”

“Right.” Adam nodded. “Hey, I’m proud of you. Well, kind of.” 

And then, the two had to pause the conversation since their lunch dishes arrived. Although the situation hadn’t changed, Blake was feeling a bit better because he managed to tell someone about that. However, Adam was somewhat concerned about that. Blake and Gwen worked with him and it would be very uncomfortable to stay around them if they didn't know how to deal with each other after what they did. Perhaps he himself would have to do something to change that scenario for better.

  


***

  


"Oh my god, I think I'm having a panic attack." Gwen was heavily panting. Her hands held tight to the steering wheel. "I need to stop the car, because throwing myself off a bridge doesn’t seem like such a bad idea."

“Don’t ever say that again. You have 3 kids.” Jen scolded her.

“Well, I'm about to have 4.” Gwen needed to take a deep breath again. Focusing on her breathing was the only thing keeping her sane. 

"What did the doctor say?" Her sister-in-law asked, attentive and somewhat concerned.

"She said that everything is looking good and—" Gwen started to say, but Jen waited in silence. She knew exactly what the other really wanted to know, so she abandoned what she was going to say and went straight to the point. "8 weeks. She said I’m around 8 weeks pregnant." 

“8 weeks? It's Blake's, isn't it? The party was in February, right? That would put him right at the time of conception.”

“Time of conception?” Gwen frowned, even though her sister-in-law couldn’t see her, and then she shook her head. “I don't know, Jenny. I found out about Gavin in February too. A week before Blake, or so.” She said. “It’s impossible to tell and of course it would be, because that’s just my life now.” 

“Oh, wow. So you still don’t know?” Jen asked, but it wasn't exactly a question, she was just realizing it and had to say it out loud.

“No. There is only one way to know, which is to do a paternity test.” 

"Wow, what are you going to do?"

"I don’t know." Gwen sighed. “When I got pregnant with Apollo, Gavin and I were not doing well, and then it got worse. A baby will not save us, it will destroy us even more.” Gradually, she slowed the car down until she entered a parking lot and stopped in the farther parking space, as far from other cars as possible. “And Blake... My god, how am I going to tell him this? I think the way out is simply to pretend that there is no doubt that this baby is Gavin's.”

“Sissy, do you really think Blake isn’t going to notice? It's very simple math.” Jen said fondly, even though she was trying to open Gwen’s eyes.

"Do you think he would approach me to ask if the baby I am expecting is his?"

“I don't know, and you don't know either. It's not like any man could just get on with his life knowing there’s a child out there who can be his.” Jen was straight to the point. 

"Hm, I know one who easily did that." Gwen quickly followed her line of thought.

"I know, but Blake is not Gavin.” Her sister-in-law made her point.

"Help me, Jenny." Gwen whined.

“I think you should tell Blake, Sis, because one way or another, he will know.” Jen gave her opinion, since it had been asked.

"But how? I'm not going to show up and say 'hey Blake, I know we haven't spoken in two months since we had sex in the bathroom, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm pregnant and there's a good chance the baby is yours’ no, Jenny, I can't do that.” Gwen felt as if she was buried in a hole that she herself had dug, but somehow she didn't know how to get out of it.

“Maybe not that way. Maybe go slow. Look for him, see how he’s been doing. Apologize.” Jen suggested.

“Apologize?”

“Hear me out.” Her sister-in-law wasn’t giving up. “What if he's not interested in a baby right now, which I don't think he is—" She was speaking, but Gwen interrupted her.

“Even less if it’s the result of casual sex in the bathroom. My god, I'm so stupid! ” 

“Let me finish! It is easier for you to just talk to him and say you will raise this child with your husband because it’s the right thing to do.” Jen was explaining her thoughts. “Yes, you’re screwed, Gwen, but you don’t have to be a liar. Since you met Blake, I always heard you say how nice he is. Maybe he will understand, especially when it comes to such a huge responsibility like this one, which he probably doesn’t want.”

“I will still be lying to Gavin, though.”

“It’s ok, you can lie to Gavin, he has done that a lot anyway.”

“Jen!?” Gwen's tone sounded like a warning.

There was a brief silence. Jen did not want to apologize for telling the truth, and even though it was annoying at times, Gwen loved her for being honest and keeping her grounded. 

“Ok, I will talk to Blake.” She finally decided. 

“Yay!” Jen celebrated as if it was a win for her. 

“If this goes wrong, I’m dead.” Gwen dramatized. “Gavin is going to kill me.” 

Jen rolled her eyes, even though her sister-in-law couldn’t see her. “No, he won’t. He's a hypocrite, we know, but he's going to have to be very brave to use that against you, given what he did.” She was honest again. 

“Yeah, but I know Gavin, he won’t just accept it.”

“How many times can I say ‘fuck Gavin’?” Jen asked, making Gwen softly laugh. 

“Apparently a lot of times.” She was still giggling. “I love you, Jenny.”

“I love you too. Everything will be ok.” Gwen felt her eyes watering when she heard her say that. All she needed was someone telling her the right words. “Maybe you just need to start looking at it as a miracle instead of a curse. Remember how it was with Apollo? I know the situation is different and chaotic, but everything will be fine. You will always have us, if everything goes wrong we will still be here.”

Gwen's heart immediately calmed down. It was true, even if she lost everything, she would still have her family, and that baby she was carrying was another one of them, and would be loved equally. It was not fair that her pregnancy was seen as a curse, regardless of the situation. It was her baby in there, and she didn’t regret her babies. 

While thinking lovingly about all that, Gwen saw a second call come into her phone. "Oh, I need to go, Jenny, Adam is calling me."

"Okay, see you later, bye." Jen hung up and Gwen accepted the second call. 

"Hey, Adam!"

  


***

  


Blake stood up again and tried to pull the shed's jammed door open with both his hands, forcing the old metal handle, but he quickly became frustrated again when he failed to open it. 

He had been trying to open that door for days, whenever he had time to spare doing so. Since returning to settle in Los Angeles after a brief few days break in Oklahoma, Blake wanted to put his energy into something other than booze and football, until he was back to work and busy again, filming season 9 of The Voice. 

The rented house high up in the hills of West Hollywood had nothing to do with him and his lifestyle, except for the large backyard, full of greens and tall trees that hid the house and provided shade even on the hottest days, which in LA’s case, it was every day. If Blake had to stay there, then he would take care of the nature that shared that space with him, so he needed to get into that shed.

He grabbed the handle and pulled with all his strength once more, but the wood wouldn't budge. Blake then raised one leg and kicked the door. The structure trembled, but it still didn't open, so he gave up. 

"Shit!" He raged. "I hate this shed, I hate this house, I hate Los Angeles." He snorted, more frustrated than ever. “Nothing will ever make me move to this hellish city. I'm better off without it.” He pushed the door again, as if he wanted to hurt it, but soon noticed that he was behaving like a child throwing a tantrum.

“Damn, why is it so hot in here?" He complained to himself again, bringing his hand up to wipe off his sweaty forehead. 

He then took a few steps back and sat on the chair he had outside. On the side table was his beer that had just came out of the fridge.

The first sip alone was enough to lighten his sour mood. The very cold liquid went down Blake's throat as if it was a sample of heaven. That refreshed him so much that he even forgot about the jammed shed door. 

But the good mood came and left quickly when his phone rang, and made Blake roll his eyes, instantly going back to his frustration. Reluctantly, he pulled the phone from his jeans pocket and his eyes widened when he saw Gwen's name on the screen.

Immediately he started to overthink everything: Why was she calling after 2 months? Why just when he finally had the courage to talk about what they had? Was it Adam who told her to do that? Blake would certainly kill him if it was him. 

The overthinking was so bad that the phone stopped ringing and went to voicemail without him even realizing that he was just staring at it as if it was a scary monster. 

And then the notification appeared: A new voicemail. 

He took the phone to his ear to hear the message right away. 

_"Hey Blake, it's Gwen."_ She said, as if she ever needed to introduce herself. _“I just wanted to call and see how you are doing. I know it’s been a while, but we’ll be seeing each other very soon and I wanted to make sure everything was fine between us. Call me. Bye."_

“You wish.” His bitter mood made him say that, low and in an angry way. 

But he wasn't angry at her, he just didn't want to have to talk about that subject or hear excuses that weren't true on her part about her disappearance, which certainly had to do with the fact that they had sex. Blake was acutely aware that she didn't have to call him back, reply his texts or anything, she had every right to ignore him forever if that was what she wanted, and he would live with that if he had to, but he didn't want to hear excuses. He had dealt with that for a long time and he had finally gotten rid of it.

Blake then decided that he wouldn’t call back or text her. If she had to say anything to him it would have to be right to his face. 

And right at that moment, while he took another sip of his cold beer and was putting the phone away in his pocket, satisfied with the choice he had made, his doorbell rang. The noise was so loud that it startled him slightly, causing him to spill some beer in the hand that held the bottle, when he jumped.

"Damn it!" He fussed.

Blake didn't know who that was, but he was already cursing that person. He hardly ever had visitors in LA, when he did, it was usually someone who worked with him there. Lately, he didn't want to see anyone and was comparing himself to an old and frowning man, like those very grumpy ones, who yelled at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.

It was probably Adam because he needed to say he screwed things up and told Gwen something he shouldn't have, but wouldn’t do it by phone. That was the kind of thing Adam would always do.

Blake crossed the house and headed straight to the front door. He was so used to his quiet life on the ranch, where he knew all the neighbors around, that he didn't even think he should check who that was before opening the door. 

That was the reason why he came face to face with Gwen — who was standing in front of him on the other side of the door — completely unaware. The surprised look on his face wasn’t something he was able to hide.


	3. Oh, so let's play hot and cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, here we go...

"Hey, Blake!" Gwen decided to say, when she realized that they were staring at each other in silence for too long. 

Blake frowned and reached out one hand as if he intended to touch her, but he soon realized that his fingers were dirty from the old, jammed shed door he was trying to open. She looked too clean and put together to be touched by dirty hands like his, so Blake lowered his arm again. 

The reason he thought he should touch her was because he thought he was imagining her and needed to make sure she was really there. Blake had been thinking about Gwen and what had happened between them a lot in the past couple of months and thought that maybe seeing her right in front of him was just a sign that his madness was getting worse.

After dismissing those thoughts and convincing himself she was really right there, he held the door handle to open it a little more. “Come in." He invited her. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone." 

“I know, I apologize. I was on my way home and remembered that you usually stay here when you're in LA so I decided to try to find you.” Gwen entered the large house, which was hidden behind the tall trees, and attentively looked around the entire place while following him to the next room. "I tried to call, but you didn't answer."

"I saw it." Blake confessed, not ashamed to make it clear that he didn't answer because he didn't want to. That made her speechless for a second. She wasn’t used to the plain truth like that. "Did you really remember where the house was?" He asked, keeping the conversation going. 

"Yes!" The lie came out of her mouth so naturally it was scary, she just couldn’t help it, but Gwen felt bad. Blake had just been very honest with her, so maybe she could just do the same with him, even if she wasn't used to it. “No, I didn't remember, my memory is terrible. Adam told me where you were.”

“Adam, huh? I knew it." He shook his head as they crossed the kitchen. "What else did he say?" Blake opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer. One he offered to Gwen, but she politely declined. He then kept only one of them to himself, putting the other away.

"Nothing. He just wanted to check on me.” She said about Adam. She was momentarily distracted by the delicious smell of something that was cooking in a large pot over the stove. "What are you making?"

He had to follow her eyes to understand the sudden change of subject. “I'm making homemade tomato sauce. It's a family recipe. And there are meatballs in the oven." He closed the fridge and opened a cabinet next to it. "Wine then? Do you like red? I have a really good one.”

"No, thank you." She shook her head again.

"Am I drinking alone, damn it?" Blake looked confused, but it made her chuckle, so he decided to drop that subject. "Are you hungry? It’s still going to be a while before dinner.” 

He went through the glass door that gave access to his backyard and motioned for her to follow him while holding the door open.

"Starving." She confessed without even thinking about it, but then shook her head, somewhat embarrassed. “I mean, no, I'm fine. I came here to check how you are and how we—” She suddenly stopped talking when she walked through the door and found herself on the tall backyard deck.

From there she could see the entire green area behind Blake's house: Tall trees, green grass, big rocks and even a small stream that she didn't even know where was coming from.

Gwen had been there before, once, before she started working on her first season of The Voice, but she definitely didn't remember that part of the house. She was certainly too busy and too eager to go back home and hadn't even noticed that. Gwen had just given birth to Apollo at that time and leaving home to spend time with anyone other than her family made her very anxious. "Wow. This place is incredible.”

"I know, right?" Blake smiled and Gwen wasn’t sure if she should watch him or the beautiful backyard. She didn’t know what was more pleasant. “This is the only really interesting place in Los Angeles, in my opinion. I hated it when I used to come here to stay in hotels and flats.”

"I can imagine." She looked away from Blake to look back at the incredible green land.

The air smelled like fresh grass and wet leaves, there was a pleasant water noise coming from the stream, a small shed with a garden on the side, a table with a few chairs and a fire pit. A row of tall trees formed a barrier at the edge of the yard, where there was a cliff overlooking the beautiful California mountains on the opposite side of the city. It was like they were transported somewhere else, because it was almost impossible to find a place like that in the middle of LA. 

“So is this your house now?” She asked, following him again. 

“No.” Blake shook his head. “Rented. But I like the yard.” 

He took his tool bag from there and carried it with him. They went down a few steps, leaving the deck directly into the yard. Blake took Gwen's arm when she was on the bottom step, helping her to stabilize herself on the dirt floor, since she was wearing high heels again.

“Well, it suits you.” She smiled at him, giving Blake an intense look for the first time that late afternoon.

But then, Gwen staggered a little. One of her heels sank into the soft dirt under it and her body lost its stability as fast as she lost all her confidence. She had to grab Blake's arm so she wouldn’t fall. He held even tighter to hers, turning to face her. And they found themselves facing each other, with their arms intertwined, holding on to one another for far too long, as if it was a necessity. They stared at each other’s eyes until Gwen let go and looked away, looking down and fixing a lock of hair behind her ear. 

Looking into her eyes, Blake found that shy Gwen again, but he didn't say anything about that. 

“Are you ok?” He asked before letting go. 

"Yes. I’m sorry." She crossed her arms in front of her body as a defense mechanism. “As I was saying, I came here to see how you’ve been doing."

“Are you sure you went out of your way and came here after not returning my call for all this time to find out how I'm doing?" He went straight to the point, making her eyes widen.

Gwen’s mind raced: No, I came here to tell you that I'm pregnant and you may be my baby's father. But I'm not sure, because I also had sex with my husband the same week, right before I found out he was cheating on me with the nanny. Isn't my life great? — She was even dizzy and had to clear her throat to stabilize herself.

“Ouch! You're not going to let this go, are you?” Of course she didn’t say any of that.

They walked slowly to the table and chairs next to the small shed. 

"I think I can let it go." Blake sat down and motioned for Gwen to do the same. "I'm just very curious and confused."

She went around the table and sat across from him. “Ok, look, I'm sorry." 

"Hm?" Blake raised an eyebrow as he took his beer bottle to his mouth again to taste the refreshing beverage.

“I said I'm sorry."

"And are you?" He stared deeply into her eyes, to the point that Gwen felt uncomfortable. 

"They said I should apologize." She herself was shocked when the truth escaped her lips.

Blake occupied himself with a long sip of his beer, and he did it with such pleasure that it made her want to taste the alcohol beverage too, just to have the same sensation. But due to her situation, she couldn’t.

“Who said that? Adam?” He teased. “Look, it doesn't mean anything if you don't really feel it. And the point is that in that case, you don't have to feel anything. It was just casual sex, right?” 

"Yes, but I'm not very good at that." Gwen confessed. "And after what happened, I freaked out."

"I understand, I'm also very bad at that." Blake said, much more sympathetically now. 

She sighed. He took another sip of his drink. “What if we started again? Let's pretend nothing happened between us and start from scratch.” He was the one to suggest it.

"Can we really do that?" She asked, very interested in that possibility.

"If we both want it, I don’t see why not.” Blake smiled and slid to the edge of his chair to approach her. He reached one arm out and offered his hand. "Good to see you again, Gwen.” He said.

Gwen also slid to the end of her chair and came face to face with Blake. She raised both hands and held the one he had offered her. She couldn’t even tell how much she was relieved and happy that Blake was showing her so much understanding. She knew she was the one who made it weird after all that happened, and ghosted him, so he could’ve easily just pushed her away now, but he didn’t. 

Gwen definitely wasn’t used to being able to fix things without it being held against her, but Blake was proving to be much easier to deal with than most people in her life.

Their fingers touched slightly, his big hands in the middle of her two delicate ones. The touch of skin on skin made an electric shock run through both bodies and brought the memory of what had happened at Adam's house back to their minds. 

He even forgot his hand was slightly dirty from his hard work. She didn’t seem to care. 

The touch made it much easier to relive what happened 8 weeks ago. Blake was even intoxicated. His thumb slowly slid down the back of Gwen's left hand, caressing it and enjoying every second of that soft touch, until the sight of the ring on her ring finger made him stop and move away, straightening his back on the chair. 

She saw exactly where he was looking when he pulled away, and cleared her throat before saying anything. "I really want us to be friends." She said, desperately trying to get his attention so he would stop looking at her wedding ring. She even took her left hand out of sight, resting it on the chair behind her back. 

"We will be friends." Blake guaranteed it, and he really intended to make that work. “I’ve liked you since the first time we talked. I think we will be good friends.” 

“I think so too.” Gwen smiled big. The relief dominating her entire body once more. “So, what were you doing before I got here? Besides the dinner that smells really good.” 

Blake indicated the shed with his head as he finished the first bottle of beer and opened the second one. He was somewhat relieved with the change in the subject, but wasn’t really satisfied, because there was still so much to be said about that night. “The door is stuck. I'm going to take it down.” 

“Like break it?" She looked shocked for a moment.

He laughed when he saw her face. "No. I will just take the folding screws out.”

"Can I help you?" She asked suddenly.

"You?" Blake was surprised. Gwen nodded. "Alright then." He put the beer bottle aside and got up from his chair. 

She did the same, following him to the shed door right after. Blake opened the tool bag he was carrying and took a screwdriver and other tools out of it. Gwen kicked her high heels to the side so she could be shoeless, it was much easier that way than having to fight sinking into the dirt on the ground. 

He quickly unscrewed the side of the door from the shed's wall, and felt really stupid for not trying that earlier. The door opened easily after less than 20 minutes of work, and Blake didn’t need to use his strength at all. Gwen was holding onto the other side, keeping it steady so that the old, heavy wood wouldn't tip over. Of course he was the one actually doing all the work and holding all the weight too, but he kept her close so she would think she was helping, and told her about all the other times he had tried to open that same door before. 

"Not everything is solved in brutality, see?" Gwen said, and she was sweetly teasing him. 

"No, but most things are." Blake pulled the last screw and the door fell with a heavy jerk. He held it before the wood could hit either one of them. “See?" He teased back.

Gwen let out a loud laugh that made him laugh too. She celebrated the mission accomplished by throwing her arms up in the air, before heading into the shed without thinking beforehand.

"What do you have here?" Absently, she took a step forward. 

Blake had to hold her by the waist. "Wait!" He warned, pulling her back.

Gwen let out a high-pitched scream and quickly threw her body back, slamming against his at the door.

"Are you okay?" He turned her around to look at her.

"Cobweb." She ran a hand through her hair, pulling a long, dusty thread of web, but she couldn't get rid of everything. “This is so gross.” 

Blake still had an arm wrapped tightly around her waist, but he used the other one to help her get rid of the spider web stuck to her hair. Gwen softly laughed throughout the process and he didn't know if he was more intoxicated by that sound or the smell of her perfume, the one he hadn't been able to forget since Adam's party.

"I got you." He said, quietly and slow, not even paying attention to what he was saying, because he was looking into her eyes. 

That sentence made Gwen feel butterflies in her stomach, for some reason. "It seems like you do." She stopped laughing and was staring back at him.

Blake cleared his throat and let go of her, retracting the arm that was wrapped around her waist, feeling a bit uneasy. 

"Now I think you have to drink with me." He said, crossing his arms in front of his body because he didn't know what to do with himself. 

Gwen bit her bottom lip. "I really can't do that today." She knew that she should tell him why and what it meant, after all, that was the reason why she was there in the first place. "I could stay for dinner, if you’d have me.” Taking advantage of a brief boldness, she offered her company another way. 

“Really?” He asked, uncrossing his arms and putting his hands in his pants pockets. “I mean, yes. It should be almost ready.”

"How can I resist such a good smell?" Gwen said, with a big smile.

Blake smiled too, making room for her and indicating the house with his head. "After you."

She passed by him and headed towards the deck, even forgetting she was barefoot, but Blake bent down to grab her heels that had been left behind.

“Are you coming or not?" Gwen looked at him when she reached the steps. 

He laughed and lifted her shoes so she could understand his delay. Meanwhile, he also stopped to pick up his beer bottles. 

"It seems like you always end up carrying my shoes around.” She teased him. 

Blake laughed again, louder this time. "It seems so."

  


***

  


That night was surprisingly way better than she had ever thought it could be, and delightfully fun. 

She went to Blake's house simply to apologize for her disappearance after what had happened between them and to tell him about her pregnancy, hoping he would understand that there was no need for anyone else to know that there was a possibility that the baby might be his.

Since he probably didn't want — and certainly wasn’t expecting — to have a child at that moment in his life, Gwen didn’t think that would be a problem at first, but that night with Blake had reminded her of how kind and amazing he was, and it scared her. 

She was able to easily apologize, which she didn't necessarily have to, as Blake himself had said, but she wasn’t brave enough to mentioned her pregnancy, much less to tell him about the possibility that he could be her baby’s father.

The point was that Gwen had felt so good talking all night and having dinner with Blake, that she didn't want to have to talk about anything that would possibly make them feel awkward again. She could hardly imagine what Blake would do when he found out she was pregnant and that it could be the result of the casual sex they once had at a party, in a bathroom. 

They probably wouldn't be friends after that, even if he understood the need to hide that possibility. She didn't want to fight with him and definitely wasn’t ready to hear from him the kind of offenses she was used to hearing from others. In her mind, there was no easy way to go, so Gwen chose to keep that to herself for one more night, so that they could have a good time together, at least for one last night. 

When she got into her car at the end of the night, after the delicious dinner, the endless laughter and the undeniable chemistry, she didn’t regret her choice to keep that secret. 

Gwen shifted into reverse and exited the driveway while Blake watched, standing on the front porch. He waved and she smiled briefly before accelerating and heading off. 

She was still at the end of the street when her phone rang and she answered over Bluetooth.

“Gwen, where are you? ” Jen asked, somewhat concerned. 

"I'm leaving Blake's place." She said at once, laughing at herself right after, as if that was too funny. 

"Wait, what?" Gwen laughed even more when she heard Jen’s confused voice tone. “When you said you were going to talk to him, I didn't think you were on your way to his house." She was very surprised. "How was it? Did you tell him? How did he react?”

“I had a really great night, Jenny. I didn't want to ruin it by talking about that.” Gwen sighed, but despite knowing she was in the wrong, nothing could really ruin the way she felt at that moment. “Blake’s awesome. I already knew that, but he is. He is so different. We talked all night and he still seemed to be interested in what I had to say. He talked about himself, he told me about the things he likes to do. I thought we were never going to shut up and it was so good!” She chuckled, simply because she couldn't help it. "Why did he seem so entertained all night with me?"

"That's a very stupid question, Gwen." Jen rolled her eyes, but she knew exactly why her sister-in-law was confused by Blake’s behavior. "You're a really great person. You just asked me that because you need a man like Blake, instead of that trash of a husband you have."

"Jenny!" Gwen gasped, but ended up giggling again.

“Speaking of him, I was calling you because he didn't show up to pick up the boys. They are still here and it’s past bed time for all 5 of them. I was worried.”

“Are you kidding me?" All contentment suddenly vanished and Gwen growled furiously. “How can he be like that? Where the hell is he at 10:30 at night on a school night?" She sighed. “Never mind, I'm five minutes away, I'm coming over to pick up the boys. I'm really sorry, Jen.”

"Gavin doesn’t care, Gwen. But don’t worry about it, they are safe with me. They'll be ready for you.” Jen said, understanding but not failing to criticize Gavin's behavior. "See you soon."

"Bye, Jenny. Thank you!” Gwen hung up and automatically ran over the recent calls to find Gavin.

She called, but it went straight to voicemail. 

Frustrated, she punched the steering wheel, but kept going, even though disappearing for a few days — or a few weeks — was all she wanted to do, but she couldn’t even think of that when she wasn’t able to trust her husband to even pick up the kids at Jen's house after school.

Gwen accelerated and turned right instead of going straight to her house, going out of her way to pick up her sons at Jen and Todd's house. 

  


***

  


Gwen softly sighed, turning in bed. Her eyes were heavy, but she opened them slowly, facing the darkness of the room. 

The crack of yellow light coming from the half-open bathroom door caught her eye and she turned under her covers again. The bed beside her was empty, but that was no surprise. When she laid down, around midnight, after putting the three boys in their beds, Gavin was still not home.

Gwen rested both palms on the soft mattress and lifted her torso, trying to understand what was going on. She was a little disoriented and very tired, but her eyes were focused on the bathroom light that was on. The alarm clock said it was around 3 am. 

"Hi, darling, did I wake you?" His voice came from the bedroom door and almost made her jump scared.

Gavin entered the room and went directly to the bed, leaning on the mattress to reach her. He was supported by both his knees, and stretched his body with the intention to greet her with a brief kiss, but as soon as he got close enough, Gwen leaned back before he was able to touch her. 

"Where were you?" She asked.

"In the studio, honey, I told you.” As if he hadn’t just been rejected, Gavin stood up again and started to get rid of some things he was wearing, like his watch and shoes. 

“You said you were going to pick the boys up at Jen's house. You left them there.” Gwen was still kind of sleepy, but she couldn't miss the opportunity to get to the bottom of that. "I told you I had a doctor's appointment."

“Oh, true. I'm sorry, honey, I completely forgot." He didn't pay much attention to the conversation at all. He had just pulled his shirt up to take it off. 

"What are you doing, Gavin?" Gwen could hardly believe he was dealing with that as if it wasn’t a big deal.

"I need a shower." Gavin shrugged, like he was being forced to explain something obvious. 

"It's 3 am." She looked at him as if she expected something more from him. 

He frowned. “I should be able to take my shower anytime I want to, right? Are you going to start controlling me like I'm one of the boys?” 

“Control you? How could I do that when you don't even show up for your responsibilities?” Gwen was still talking quietly and trying to stay calm, but the truth was, she was losing her patience very quickly. “The kids stayed at my brother's house until after 10 pm and they have school tomorrow. Apollo was so overtired that it took him hours to fall asleep.”

"After 10?" Gavin looked at her with some confusion. "What kind of doctor’s appointment ends at 10 pm?"

“I... I went to see a friend." She stammered briefly. As much as that was the truth, what had happened between her and Blake still bothered her. 

It was strange to think of him as a friend after what they did. 

"A friend?" Her husband didn't seem to notice anything, or if he did, he didn't show. “I didn't know you had friends like that around here." 

Gavin was not completely wrong, when the older boys were little, the four of them had spent some time in London, and when they returned from there, Gwen felt as if she could no longer connect with her old friends. Her life had changed a lot and she was dedicated only to her children and her husband, leaving her social and professional life completely aside. She did lose many friends at that time and didn’t make many more. Except after ‘The Voice’.

"What friend?" Even though he was apparently trying to seem uninterested, he asked.

"Blake." She confessed, afraid that everything would collapse at that moment. 

She just couldn’t and wouldn’t lie. He was the liar, she wasn’t. 

"Who the fuck is Blake?" Gavin looked at her, confused again. 

"Shelton." Gwen even had to look away from him.

“Oh, the guy from The Voice." He nodded and waved a hand in the air, starting to appear confident and relaxed again. "I didn't know he was your friend."

"Anyway." She felt like she would burst with shame and insecurity if she had to keep talking about Blake, so she went back to the really important subject. “The point is, I need to know when you change the schedule we agreed on. If I knew you couldn't pick up the boys, I wouldn't have made plans after my appointment.” Not that the surprise visit to Blake had really been scheduled.

Gavin took a deep breath, with his usual superior look. "We need a nanny, Gwen." He said it like it was obvious, shaking his head. "When are you going to stop with this annoying idea that you can deal with the kids alone?"

"Are you kidding me?" She felt her cheeks burning with anger and shame at the same time. "Do you really think I'm going to put someone inside my house right now?"

"Look, at this point you’re just trying to make our lives more difficult just so you can blame me." He grunted, staring at her frustrated face in the dim light. “I’m just saying you need help. I’m not going to mess with everyone you hire to work here. That’s not how it works.”

“How does it work then, Gavin?” Gwen ended up stressing more than she was planning on. “You only fuck the young and cute, huh? Is that it? Or are you trying to tell me you were in love?”

He made noise with his mouth, as if he was mocking her. “You are crazy."

"It's not all about you and the fact that you can’t keep your dick in your pants, Gavin." Gwen took a deep breath and looked away from him, turning on the bed again to turn her back to him. 

Her eyes were burning and the constant lump that had been in her throat for months tightened to the point of suffocating her. Gwen didn't want him to see her cry again, but when she spoke, her voice broke in a way that she couldn't help it, and it showed.

“I can’t trust anyone.” She said, already crying so much that her vision got blurred. “It's not just you, it's everyone. So I'm going to take care of my kids, ok? I am completely capable of that.”

"Honey, stop." Gavin came around the bed to bend down beside her, as she was lying and facing the darkest corner of the room. “You can trust me, ok? We are a family." He reached for her face with one hand, lightly stroking her tear stained cheek. “I will improve on my responsibilities to you and the boys. I promise. Don’t cry.”

Gwen let out a loud sob. She was so unhappy, so broken, but she still had hope that maybe things could get better if he did just that. All she needed was for him to do better by his family.

"Are you doing that again?" She held back her crying to ask, but the question pierced her guts like a sharp knife when it escaped her lips, so she started crying again, this time looking him straight into the eyes. “Please, I want to know. I have a right to know.”

Gavin let out a irritated sigh. He took his hands off her face and stood up. 

“I can't believe you're asking me that. It's so fucking offensive.” He walked around, pacing as if he was completely disturbed. "Stop victimizing yourself and obsessing about that subject. Why would I be here trying if I had someone else?"

"I wonder that all the time." Gwen sat up again, on the edge of the bed. "But it seems like you just can't let me go, even though you've cheated on me and hurt me for a long time." She was still sad, but her voice tone was a little more serious now. 

“I don't need to let you go." Gavin said, coming back to her, this time sitting on the bed too. “We will get through this together and everything will be fine." He touched Gwen's face again, sliding his fingers across her skin. 

This time, he was not rejected when he leaned in for a quick peck on her lips. 

She was too tired to fight. 

If he only knew she was pregnant, maybe he would be more likely to help and be present. Or maybe he would finally be brave enough to leave her. She wasn't sure which option was better.

But she wouldn't tell him. At least not that night. That was going to remain her secret.

Gavin got up and walked away shortly after. "I'm going to take a quick shower and I'll be back in bed with you, ok?"

He seemed satisfied that he got some of what he wanted and that he was able to manipulate her into silence again. 

Gwen nodded, but when he made his way to the bathroom and left her alone, the dark feeling of loneliness and despair hit her again. They hit her hard. She laid her head on the pillow and curled up under the covers. Her body shook violently when she started to cry in silence. 

She thought she would do that until she was too exhausted to stay awake, but the light on her phone’s screen turned on, distracting her, and she lifted her head. Gwen took the device in her hands to read the text she had just gotten, just as Gavin turned on the shower. 

She had texted Blake earlier, thanking him for the delicious and pleasant dinner, and that text she got at 3 in the morning was his reply: 

_I am the one who should be thanking you for the amazing company. Let’s do it again sometime?_

Gwen smiled, even though she was still softly crying.

Yes, she would do that again. She would do it all again with Blake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many things to throw in there for you guys. Please let me know if you like it.
> 
> And thank you so much for the love.


	4. You just pushed me too far

"You are so perfect." Gwen smiled softly at the baby lying on the changing table. 

Apollo smiled back when he realized that his mother was completely focused on him. With two other boys, moments like that, when she was alone with the youngest — or with any of them — were rare. Even the baby knew that.

She started to close the buttons on her son's onesie pajamas and Apollo started to get agitated, tapping his little legs on the padded furniture. She was quicker and managed to win that battle before he could get rid of his clothes. Those buttons were very confusing to her sometimes, but not that night. 

Then she sat the boy on the changing table and combed his damp hair back. Apollo held and played with her necklace, briefly distracted by the object as Gwen finished dressing him for bed. She noticed that he was blinking his eyes and rubbing them frequently already.

"All done, baby." She smiled and picked the baby up, handing him his pacifier. 

Apollo laid his head on her shoulder while he was being carried, and brought his little hand up to his mother's ear to caress and hold her. 

“Oh, you’re so sleepy, sweet baby. It’s ok, It's time for bed." She laid him on her arms and rocked slightly.

Apollo's eyelids fluttered and his eyes immediately closed while he sucked on the pacifier slowly. The little fingers that held Gwen's ear loosened their grip a little, but still remained there.

She smiled, watching him, and then leaned forward to lovingly caress the baby's cheek with the tip of her nose. His smell gave her the best sensations: happiness, tenderness, affection. She planted a light kiss on one of his closed eyelids. Apollo sighed deeply, relaxing his face even more and his grip around her ear too.

The low and discrete noise of her phone buzzing made Gwen take her eyes off Apollo to look at the device on the comfortable white couch in the nursery. It was a text from Blake, which made her heart skip a beat right away, even before she saw it was a photo. But the phone was too far away for her to really see the text.

She approached the couch and sat down, holding her son in one arm while using the other to pick up the phone and look at the text. It was a picture of Blake and Adam, and the lead singer of the Maroon 5 had his hands in front of his friend's face, preventing Blake from actually being in the selfie Adam was taking.

Gwen chuckled softly and ran her eyes down to read the brief text he had sent below.

_I can't stand Adam anymore, please tell me next time you are coming with us. We missed you._ — The brief laugh quickly turned into a big smile on her face.

Gwen felt the butterflies in her stomach getting agitated again. 

Soon she was typing with her free hand. — _Aw, you guys are so cute. I'm sorry I'm not there today, but I promise I'll be at the next dinner. I miss you too._  
_PS: I wish I could see your face in the picture._

It had been about two weeks since Gwen went to Blake's house and they had had dinner together. Since then, their lives had become more hectic and they had not been able to see each other in person, but they were communicating by text and brief phone calls. 

That day, Blake had invited her to dinner with him and Adam in downtown Hollywood, but Gavin was home and she didn't want to have to invite him to come along. She had already decided that she would see Blake next week, when her husband was out of town, doing some shows with his band.

Gwen put the phone down and hummed softly to Apollo while caressing his back, until she got another text and had to grab the device one more time. This time it was just a picture, and the huge smile on Blake’s face did something to Gwen's heart.

She smiled and sent back a quick text — _There he is._

Then she went right back to looking at the picture he had sent her. Blake was wearing a black button-down shirt and his blue eyes didn’t look as sad as they did the last time she had seen him. He was so handsome, and the big smile on his face helped to exalt that. The cute dimples he had on his cheeks were really showing in the picture, and he looked satisfied, or something good like that. 

He was looking so good, she thought. And Gwen was still smiling. 

Until a loud scream made her and Apollo jump scared. The baby in her arms immediately started to cry, and that made Gwen drop her phone again, to get off the couch. 

"It’s ok, baby, mommy is here.” She opened the door, still trying to calm Apollo down.

At first she didn’t find anyone there, until Zuma and Kingston ran past her yelling again. “Hey boys, no running and no screaming.” She said, but it was in vain. The two boys were already running down the stairs at high speed.

“I’ll take care of that, honey. Don’t worry." Gavin appeared in the hallway shortly after them. 

“I'm trying to get Apollo to sleep. Tell them not to make a noise, please.”

“You got it.” He said and followed the boys downstairs. 

She couldn’t complain about Gavin in the past few weeks, not when it came to the children at least. Since the last conversation they had, he was trying to be more present and helping a lot more. Gwen could only pray that that conversation had put some sense into him, and that he was finally understanding what it meant to be part of a family. 

She couldn’t say the same about their romantic relationship though, but that was already quite a step forward compared to the last few months.

“Thanks, honey.” She said. 

“Oh, hey.”Gavin reappeared at the top of the stairs and she could see his face staring at her, even from a distance. “I made a reservation at your favorite restaurant, for both of us. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”

“What? Tonight?" Her eyes widened. “But what about the kids?"

Apollo already had his head up at that point, but he wasn’t crying anymore. Still it would take some time to get him back to sleep now.

“I hired a babysitter." He said, but was soon explaining himself. “Just a babysitter. It will only be for a few hours while we are out. Nothing permanent, don’t freak out.”

Gwen thought about that. Even if it wasn't going to change anything between them, it couldn't hurt.

“Ok, we can do that." She agreed. “But can you make sure the boys are bathed and in bed, please? I want them to be asleep before we leave.”

“Sure! You are in charge, honey." Gavin laughed. “Wear something fancy, ok? I want to show you off.” Enjoying the thought of his own request, he went back down the stairs to join his older children.

"Why not, right?" Gwen spoke quietly, looking into Apollo's tired eyes as if she was actually talking to him. “We are already in the middle of this mess anyway." She shrugged. "But first I have to get you to sleep, baby." She kissed the boy's entire face in a sudden attack of affection, making him laugh under the big pacifier in his mouth. 

  


***

  


Gavin was already waiting when Gwen came down the stairs, ready for their night out, and he could easily see that she had done exactly what he asked: Dress to impress.

Gwen was wearing a high neck, long red dress — not bright red, but a burgundy red — tight on her torso, until the middle of her thighs, where it opened in a slit, showing her whole left leg, and going down the rest of the dress length.

That high neck dress, with the strap closing around her collarbone and showing her shoulders, plus her red lips, the long lashes that accentuated her dark eyes and the black ankle strap heels she wore, made her look sexy and sophisticated at the same time, matching her platinum blonde hair that fell down her back, combed to one side, with old hollywood waves.

She was so beautiful that Gavin let out a long whistle to greet her. It was the best he could do, but for Gwen it sounded like a big compliment, since praising her was something her husband didn’t do anymore. So she felt really good at the moment. 

So good that it was as if she was capable of everything. 

"Come on honey, or we'll end up missing the reservation." He said, turning to get his car key and wallet.

"Wait." She went down the bottom steps by herself, until she was on the same floor as him and was able to reach him. “I want to tell you something first.”

"What is it?" He turned around and smiled at her now that she was close to him. It was just an automatic thing. 

"I'm pregnant." Gwen said at once, badly needing to just say it and hope for the best, or that secret would suffocate her sooner or later. 

As soon as she vomited that confession, she instantly started to feel insecure and very nervous, and as she watched Gavin's smile dying and his eyes widening slightly while the color disappeared from his face, those symptoms got much worse. She felt sick like she needed to throw up.

"Did you just say you are pregnant?" He asked, his voice was barely above a whisper, and he was speaking really slow, as if he needed time to let her words sink in.

“Yes.” Gwen replied, holding her breath, but released it all at once right after. “About 10 weeks now. I found out a few weeks ago, but we weren't doing very well, so I decided to keep it a secret until we had a moment like this and I—“ She wanted to be able to say it all, but she was cut short.

“Are you crazy? This can’t be true.” Gavin shook his head. “When was the last time you let me fucking touch you?”

She was shaken for a second, but was soon answering that. “It was in February. I said 10 weeks.”

She watched as the color returned to Gavin's face at once and his face got really red, as if all the blood in his body had decided to settle in his head.

“10 fucking weeks? It feels like 10 years and you want me to believe you are pregnant?” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her across the hall with him, crossing the dining room to the kitchen.

They stopped in front of the big calendar that was displayed on the wall, where they used to write the children's activities. Or actually, Gwen used to do that, so that they were both aware.

Gavin turned the pages furiously, crumpling the papers to go back a couple of months.

“Show me.” He slammed his hand over February. 

Even though she was slightly frightened and more nervous than ever, Gwen stared at the calendar and pointed to the first Tuesday of the month. Her hand was shaking. “You came back home the night before, quite late. We had sex in the morning when we woke up and got on with our day. It was the day of the Grammy’s, remember?” 

She felt ashamed and violated as she was being forced to point to days on a calendar, but she didn’t say anything about that because she was also feeling like a hypocrite, since she wasn’t completely sure that baby was made that day. 

Gavin grunted, completely frustrated and enraged. He suddenly walked back to the hall and left her behind.

Gwen took a quick look at the Friday of that same week. That was the day of Adam's party. The day she had sex with Blake in the bathroom. But she quickly brushed that subject out of her mind. She needed to address one problem at a time.

So she followed Gavin. 

“No, this can’t be true. What the fuck is this?” He was already ranting over there. “No, I want nothing to do with it. Get rid of it.”

Her mouth hung open for a second, but it took her a while until she was able to speak. “What did you say?"

“I told you to fix it." Gavin shouted at her, losing his mind at once. “You did this before. We have a problem and you get pregnant as if another baby could save us. You are not saving us, Gwen, You are burying us for good.”

Gwen felt the first tears start to run down her face, but the lump in her throat was so tight that she could barely breathe.

“Don’t fucking start crying like I’m the bad guy here.” He was still shouting insensibly. “Stop crying now. Where are your fucking pills? Why don't you take them?”

“I hate it. They make me feel sick.” She explained herself, sobbing. “You said the choice was mine. I chose not to take them.”

“That’s what you get.” He screamed with his full chest.

“I didn't get pregnant alone." She yelled back, breathing deeply as she felt her whole body tremble with rage. “You are a fucking coward for telling me to get rid of this baby as if it doesn’t matter. It matters and screw you, I don't need you.”

"So fuck it." Gavin yelled again, forcing Gwen to take a few steps away from him. "I can't believe you’re doing this again. I wish I could make you open your fucking eyes.”

"Is everything ok?" The babysitter, who looked more like a girl who was still in high school, interrupted them when she showed up at the top of the stairs. 

Gwen turned her back quickly and ran her fingers under her eyes to get rid of her tears. She hated looking vulnerable in front of strangers.

But before she knew, she was already walking away, determined.

“We are fine, Hailey. You can go back to the boys. Thank you.” It was Gavin who answered, but soon he was turning towards Gwen again. "Where are you going?"

“Away from you." She replied, already opening the front door. 

She stopped to grab her car keys and he was quick to reach her. 

Gavin started to hold her arm, but Gwen was quicker and pushed his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me."

"We are not done talking." He told her.

“Yes, we're done." She walked out, but turned to him as soon as she went out the door. “I fucking hate you.” 

Then Gwen slammed the door behind her and left him there.

"Gwen?" He yelled for her, and she heard him, but didn’t care. She just kept walking.

  


***

  


Blake was quiet in the passenger seat of the black SUV as the car drove up his rented house’s street. Even though he had a driver all the time, because he absolutely hated driving around LA, he liked to ride in the front.

The hidden corner of Los Angeles — where many Hollywood celebrities lived — was more like an endless hill climb. Even though the view from up there was beautiful, it still seemed like a prison, where they had to stay hidden behind big gates, in a kind of upper floor while ordinary people were down the hill, as if they were not as normal as all those people with regular routines. As if rich and famous people couldn't get mixed up, as if they were better, or as if they didn't feel pain and disappointment just like everyone else. 

Blake hated the fact that he was considered one of those Hollywood rich people there, but it was just part of his job, because honestly, he was as simple as anyone could be. And he hated that kind of thing, he liked to think that all people belonged and were entitled to everywhere and everything they wanted. 

He was quieter the past few months, his driver — who often worked with him in the big city — noticed, but said nothing. It wasn’t like he didn’t read the news and knew he was going through a tough divorce. 

Blake was distracted that night, deep in his thoughts, and just wanted to get to the house he rented for a quiet evening, with lots of drinking included, but a lot of silence and peace too.

As he thought about that and started to wish more and more for the great quiet night he would have, his phone buzzed in his hand. Someone was calling, and when Blake turned the phone over to look, he was very surprised. Not in a good way, though, he even rolled his eyes when he saw it was his ex-wife calling. The person he least expected and least wanted to talk to.

He refused the call.

_I don't want to talk right now._ — He typed in a text.

Miranda read it, but did not reply. And the communication ended like that.

Blake put his hand over his face and pressed the bridge of his nose. He had a mild, but persistent, headache. Maybe he needed to drink more, he thought.

“Wow, what is this?" He heard the driver suddenly exclaim in the seat beside him, then finally looked up to look at the path they were taking.

They were very close to Blake's rented house and, further down the street, it seemed like there was a car wreck or something like that.

“Wait, that is my gate, isn't it?" He asked, confused but getting his bearings.

"Yes, sir.” The other man confirmed. “I think someone drove into it." 

Although he thought it looked like a car crash, Blake could now see that it was just one car. It was crossed in the middle of the small street and the front was crashed right to the middle of the house gate. There was no one inside.

“Great. This is just great.” Blake complained quietly. He already knew that his plans for a quiet night had gone down the drain.

“Do you want to wait here? I'll have to go around to park and call the police.” The driver asked.

“Yeah, I'll wait here. I want to access the damage.” The car door was unlocked and Blake unfastened his seat belt to get out of the vehicle.

The driver turned the steering wheel and took off down the street again, looking for a spot on the opposite side.

Blake approached the crashed car and the house gate, which was bent to the inside of the driveway in the front yard. Through the large new gap between the two sides of the gate, that was the result of the crash, he was able to see the inside, the dark yard, the path to the balcony with the lights on, and a figure sitting on the white wood bench beside the front door.

Again, she looked like a mirage. It was not possible that she was really there and that she looked that good even from afar. 

The gate was far enough from the porch that Blake couldn't see her in details, but he could easily see the red dress she was wearing, the slit that showed her entire left leg, due to the way she was sitting, and her hair down and waved, falling over her shoulders. He had no idea what Gwen was doing there, but he really wanted to find that out.

Only after the initial surprise did he start to connect her presence to the crashed car, and then Blake hurried to open the lock and enter — even though she probably went in through the gap in the gate, he was too big for that.

With hasty steps, he crossed the front yard to the porch. When he got there, and Gwen finally seemed to notice his presence, she lifted her head and he saw that she was crying. Her makeup was running down her eyes with her tears, and stained her cheeks. 

"What happened? Are you hurt?” He started to ask fast, with a small pause between each question.

"Blake—” Gwen squinted as she stared at him, as if she needed that to see him better. “My god, I wrecked your gate, did you see that?" She tried to get up, but ended up falling back on the cushion over the wooden bench.

He held her arm. Blake knew that behavior very well. “Are you drunk?"

"A little.” Gwen raised one hand and put her index finger and thumb together in front of her face, apparently showing him how much she had drank. “I’m sorry about the gate, I didn’t see it.” 

"Don't worry about the gate." He said, still looking at her, but not understanding anything. “Are you really not hurt?”

She shook her head frenetically, then put both her hands to her face. “My head is pounding. I really shouldn’t be drunk.”

Blake knew she was upset about something and he would get to the bottom of that. But first things first. “Do you have your car keys? I need to get it out of the street before someone calls the police.”

“Yeah." Gwen opened the handbag she carried and took the car keys out of there, handing it to Blake. “I’m really sorry. Today is not my best day. I’ve messed up too much.”

“Hey, everything will be ok.” He picked the keys up and used his own to open the front door to the house. “Come, I don't want you to be out here." He motioned for her to get up. 

Gwen did it, slowly this time, and was able to drag herself to him. “But it feels so good out here." She whined.

Blake rested one hand on her back to guide her into the house. “You will feel better inside. I will stay with you.”


	5. My brain’s unorganized

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow you guys are really mean to Gwen. Hahahha  
> Hold up, there’s more coming!!!

They crossed the hall and Blake took Gwen to the large living room, which was in the same room as an open kitchen, separated by a half wall. 

He sat her on the bigger couch because it was the most comfortable one “Stay here, ok? I'll move the car and be back soon. Don't get up, you're dizzy.”

“I'm really dizzy." She agreed while she settled on the couch and sank a little into the pillows. 

Blake laughed, watching her for another second. When he was about to turn around and go do what he needed to do, she called out to him again.

“Blake." Gwen whined his name and raised an arm towards him, like she was motioning for him to get closer. "Please, come here." She pointed to the empty space beside her on the couch.

"I really need to move the car off the street." He explained, but still went over and sat exactly where she wanted him to be.

Gwen smiled when she saw him sitting next to her. Blake couldn't help it, so he smiled too. He then leaned forward a little, reaching for the box of tissues on the coffee table.

He took one out and leaned back against the couch, turning towards her. He wiped her tears and the makeup stains off her cheeks as much as he could. 

"You are so nice to me." First, Gwen stated. “Why are you so nice to me? What do you want?" And then she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Nothing." Blake laughed. The way she seemed to have messy thoughts and tangled words to come to a conclusion was a typical thing he did all the time when he was drunk. “We're friends. Friends are always good to each other.”

“Oh really?” She asked, confusing him again. "Then why is it that I want to kiss you?" 

Gwen grabbed his button-down shirt and pulled him to her. She also leaned forward and was almost faster than his sober brain. 

Blake instantly felt intoxicated by her proximity and the way she always smelled so good. That perfect face so close to his almost made him forget that that was the worst moment to give himself up like that.

Her lips ended up just touching the corner of his when he turned his face away. "No, you don't want to do this, you are drunk." He held both her shoulders, just to make sure she wouldn't try again.

But Gwen was already moving on to whatever weird subject was in her mind next. "I don't feel my tongue." She stuck her tongue out and held it with two fingers.

It made Blake laugh out loud. “I have to move the car. Wait here, ok?”

Gwen buried herself again on the couch cushions and whined. “Come back soon, please. I waited too long for you.”

"You won't have to wait long anymore." He took one last look at Gwen as she adjusted her head on one of the pillows, then he stood up.

She looked so fragile and he knew there was something upsetting her enough to make her drink that much. He had never even seen her drunk. 

The most astonishing thing was that she had chosen to go to his house. Among so many other people he imagined she should have to lean on, she had chosen to be there and lean on him, so Blake promised himself that he would not let her down.

He closed the door when he left and went back to the car wreck scene. There were a few people around now, including his driver.

“It’s ok, guys, I'll take care of it." He told them all as he opened the crumpled gate. 

"Are you sure?" Some neighbor asked him.

Blake nodded. “Yes, it’s a friend of mine. She didn’t see the gate.” He was already opening the car that was abandoned in the middle of the small street. “It was an accident. No need to call the police. I'll take care of the gate later.” 

People nodded in agreement, some murmured greetings and good night wishes. Blake waved to his driver before starting the car, thankful that the engine was cooperating and running. He drove up the driveway until he parked in front of the garage. Then Blake turned off the car and went back to close the wrecked gate, that still had a big gap in the center.

When he came back into the house, with a quick look in the couch’s direction, he saw that Gwen was no longer there. 

"Damn it." Blake deeply sighed, but it was not long before he heard the faint creaking of wood that indicated someone was walking around upstairs.

He grabbed a big glass and filled it with fresh water and quickly went up the stairs. 

He found Gwen standing in the middle of the hallway, looking at the walls as if there was something very interesting about the beige paint.

“What are you doing?” He asked in a soft tone, trying not to scare her. 

"Oh, sorry." She looked at him. "I needed to use the toilet." That phrase made Blake chuckle softly, for some reason.

Perhaps it was the fact that she was very close to a bathroom downstairs, but she had chosen to go up and use the one that was as far away as possible from where she was.

Even though she was obviously lightly drunk and still had a makeup stain running down her face, Gwen was still incredibly beautiful. The long red dress danced graciously as she moved, and it was as if her left leg was playing hide and seek in the slit of the dress, teasing him every time it revealed a little more skin. Blake was trying to pay attention to anything other than that, but it was almost as if she was floating. He liked to watch that, it added an almost poetic grace to the way she moved, even though in reality she was drunk and clumsy.

Blake thought he would never fail to notice how beautiful she was, although beauty was far from the top of the list of things he liked about her.

“Why don't you have any pictures on your walls? I want to see your family.” She randomly complained, as if that was really relevant at that moment. 

"Cause this is not my house." He easily explained. “But I don't think you came here to see family pictures on the walls.” He got closer to her. “Do you want to talk?"

Gwen nodded and he saw her face contort painfully at the same time. Blake didn't even have to do anything to get that feeling overflowing from inside her, just an invitation to a simple conversation and she dismantled as if she was knocked down.

"I am so stupid." She cried. “So stupid. Do I deserve this? I think I deserve it.”

Blake didn't know what exactly she was talking about, but he knew it was something that disturbed her very much, so he dealt with it carefully from the beginning. He caressed her shoulder lightly with his hand and handed her the glass of water. 

“Whatever it is, you don’t deserve it.” He told her, with confidence. 

Gwen grabbed the glass of water and took a sip while tears were streaming from her face. The first sip turned into many others when she realized how thirsty she was.

“Come with me." He ran his hand down her arm until he grabbed her wrist and pulled her gently with him.

Blake stopped a little farther down the hall and opened a door that led to another staircase and what seemed like some sort of attic. Gwen had already drank half a glass of water when she stopped to look at the place.

"You go ahead, I'm right behind you." He said, taking the glass of water out of her hand again, before she turned and started to go up the steps. 

Gwen climbed slowly, trying to work on her balance, because she was sure there was a force pulling her backwards. Gravity maybe. Or the booze. 

While she was thinking about exactly that, she felt her body balance back and barely managed to stabilize herself, but Blake placed a hand on her back and made sure she stayed on her feet.

"You're doing great." He laughed. "It will be worth it."

"I’m going to kill myself on these steps.” She dramatically said. "Oh wow!" And Blake knew she had gone up high enough to see where they were going.

Gwen practically crawled up the last few steps and found herself in the attic, which had a very low ceiling that forced her to bend her neck forward so she wouldn’t hit her head. Blake had to literally bend half of his body so he would fit up there. 

The room was not at all large, with only two rocking armchairs facing a glass wall that displayed an incredible view of his green backyard, and the California mountains behind it. Part of the ceiling was also made of glass, and it showed all the stars you could see in the Los Angeles sky.

“What even is this place?" Gwen smiled, admiring the beautiful view. “Is it because I’m drunk? I think I am tripping.”

Blake laughed out loud this time. He guided her to the rocking chairs so the two of them could sit facing the view. It was dark enough for them to only see silhouettes and shadows, but it was still possible to see everything the moonlight touched, especially the mountains beyond.

Gwen leaned back and sighed. 

"How do you feel?” He asked her, giving back her glass of water.

"I even feel a little better." She told him, immediately starting to drink her water again. “I don’t even feel that drunk anymore.”

“I know. I like to come here on my bad days too.” Blake confessed. 

Gwen looked at him out of the corner of her eye as she was drinking all the contents of her glass. It was hard to imagine Blake having bad days, he always seemed to be a cheerful person that puts everyone in a good mood, but she knew he was getting divorced, he had already said that. It was easy to guess that he was not indifferent to that situation, nor was he happy about it.

Then she set the glass on the floor and stared at the view in front of her eyes.

“It looks like we're on a rocket ship. Going towards the moon or some other planet.” She said. The glass walls in the back of the room, where they were sitting, gave the impression that they were outside, when in fact they were still safe inside. “I wish I could fly far away from here, today."

"What happened to you?" He asked, directly, turning to her.

Gwen also turned to him. "My husband cheated on me." She confessed at once, quickly looking away from him again. “For years, who knows how many years. With someone who was inside of my house all the time and whom I trusted completely. I didn't find out today, I found out months ago, but today we had a very ugly fight and I think I've been blind all this time.” She kept looking forward and Blake identified that ashamed Gwen again. "I think the only reason why we are still together is because we like to harm each other." Blake's eyes widened. “Not physically." She quickly explained. “But we are holding each other back, keeping something that doesn’t mean anything anymore, and it just hurts."

He tried to say something, but his mouth just hung open and he couldn't find the words. That was so close to his own situation, that it hurt him. Or maybe it hurt because he could hear the pain in her voice. 

“We split up for a while, but we ended up deciding to try to make it work because of the kids. But it's not working." Tears were slowly falling from her eyes and running down her face until they sheltered under her chin. It wasn’t a desperate cry. It was a painful, exhausted one. "I don’t trust him. I don't love him anymore. All I feel is nothing, and I'm starting to get too used to feeling nothing, but that's not what I want.” Her head laid on the chair and she turned back to Blake. "That night, at Adam's party, I felt something."

His heart jumped. Blake wasn’t expecting that subject so suddenly, especially not in the middle of that conversation. He also didn’t expect she would say exactly what he had said once about that night, or that she felt the way he did.

"I felt it too." The words escaped his mouth without a filter. He looked deep into her eyes and lost himself briefly, but forced himself to wake up before it was too late. “But we don't need to talk about that night right now. You are still drunk, I don't want you to say anything that you will regret later.”

“Please, I have to.” Gwen took a deep breath. “I want to, because you need to know that I didn't use you. I was separated that day and you made me feel so good. I'm sorry I freaked out after. I'm not saying this just because I just had a fight with my husband. I know what this might seem like, but it's not.”

“Hey, don't worry about that. I'm not thinking badly of you. I know this is a mess and we are not used to it, but it’s all good." He tried to reassure her. “It was really good for me too. We don’t need to talk about that day as if it caused any bad feeling between us. It was good, we did what we wanted to do, now we get over it, right?

"No. We don’t get over it. I can’t get over it." Gwen felt her heart skip a beat, but she gathered all the courage she still had inside her. "I'm pregnant."

Blake blinked a few times, staring at her, and was silent while his head seemed to slowly assimilate that information, then it worked fast to try to understand the meaning of that. Too fast. He didn't know if he missed any part of the explanation or got anything wrong, but it just didn't seem to make much sense to him.

“Huh?" He murmured, still completely lost.

Gwen knew he had heard it, so she waited in silence and let him figure that all out in his head, until Blake was looking at her with a very lost facial expression and a paler face than usual. 

She thought he might get sick if she didn’t say anything, so she tried. "I am not saying the baby is yours, I am saying there is a possibility and we may need to talk about it.” She said, starting to feel nervous again. “I'm also not saying that I expect anything from you. I don't expect you to be a father, even if the baby is yours, it's ok. I just thought you should know.” 

Gwen's heart was beating too fast and she was reliving the trauma she had just gone through in the back of her mind, with Gavin yelling at her over the same news.

However, she had already heard horrible things that night, if he also had anything terrible to say, she was sure she could handle it.

“My God." Blake still looked disoriented when he said something. “What do you mean?"

She frowned. "About what?"

At that moment, a door slamming somewhere downstairs scared them both. Blake forced himself to function more properly, because there shouldn't be anyone else there, except them. He was trying to remember if he had locked the front door when he heard heavy footsteps from high heels on the first floor. 

Someone was making their way to the living room.

"Who's here?" Gwen asked quietly, looking at him with a confused face.

"Shh, wait." Blake motioned for her to stay silent.

"Blake?" The third voice called out to him from the first floor, confirming his suspicions. 

It was Miranda, his soon to be ex wife, and he had no idea what she was doing there either, but unlike when he found Gwen on his porch, this time he wasn’t eager to find that out.

"My god, is it your wife?" Gwen's eyes widened.

Blake used his hand to cover her mouth. “Shh! Don't make a noise, please.” He asked, getting up from the chair right after. "I'll make sure she leaves soon."

“What? Are you going to leave me here?” She got up too.

“Please, she can't see you, she'll make an unnecessary hell." Gwen frowned and crossed her arms. "Please?" Blake was already in the middle of the stairs when he begged her.

At the slightest sign of a nod from Gwen, he went down the rest of the steps and closed the attic door behind him.

He knew Miranda well enough to know that she wouldn’t wait for him. She was certainly already going through his things and exploring every possible room she could find in that house. 

As soon as he took the first step down the hallway, he ran into his ex-wife getting out of his own bedroom.

“What are you doing here?" Blake asked, making sure he stood in front of the attic door, blocking it. 

“What happened to the house gate?" Miranda asked, seeming shocked. “It's destroyed. Did your drinking problems do that?”

Inside the attic, Gwen couldn't help but overhear the conversation.

“It's none of your business." Blake said, in a serious tone. “What are you doing here? You can’t show up here like this.”

“Well, I tried to call and you didn't want to talk, so I came here, this way you have to talk to me.” Miranda had a demanding tone, as if she was entitled to be there and to disturb Blake as much as she wanted. It reminded Gwen of Gavin immediately. He was just like that. “I miss you." She confessed, her tone of voice immediately turning into a low and inviting one, slightly breathy.

Gwen felt her stomach turn violently. She needed to throw up.

"You miss me?" Blake's tone was sarcastic. She could tell he didn't believe anything his ex-wife said. “Why don't you go look for that guy you were screwing?" He was straight to the point. “Oh sorry. Those guys. Plural.”

“So what, Blake? I told you it meant nothing.” Miranda's tone changed again, and even though Gwen couldn't see her, she could imagine her crossing her arms and stomping her foot irritably. “I think I deserve more than the way you’re treating me right now.”

She didn't know Miranda, but she knew people like her very well.

“Oh, do you? If I remember correctly, the last words I heard from you were: I am very glad this hell of marriage is over." Blake stated. “Remember that? I thought I deserved more then.”

That made Gwen’s heart tighten to the point it hurt. How could someone say something so hurtful to a person like Blake?

"I was really mad." Miranda sighed. "You made me sign those papers that day. I hated doing that.” Gwen heard her heels hitting the wooden floor as she moved. “Come on, Blake. I know you want this. I know exactly how you like it.” 

“Hey, no!” The attic door made a hollow noise. Gwen imagined that Blake had taken a step back and hit the wood. “I didn’t make you do anything." He defended himself. “You cheated on me. We decided together that this wasn’t going to work. I don't trust you and you don't want a future with me. We’re very different people and we want different things.”

“Fine!" The door made the same hollow noise and Miranda's heels moved farther away. Gwen realized then that both of them must have been leaning against the attic door seconds before and that made her stomach turn over again.

Blake’s ex wife’s voice became irritated again, nothing like the somewhat seductive tone she had before. "I don't want you anymore anyway."

"So what are you doing here?" He asked again, deeply sighing too. "Stop doing this."

"Doing what?" Miranda asked, her tone like a sharp knife, as if she intended to cut him into pieces.

“Looking for me.” Blake clarified. “I don't want to see you anymore. You don't want me and I don't want you, so that's it.” It was impossible to be more clear, Gwen thought. 

"Who are you fucking?" Miranda suddenly asked.

“What?" He sounded confused. 

"The car parked in front of your garage." She explained. Gwen held her breath. “I took a picture of the license plate, so tell me now or I'll find out by myself."

“Good luck." Blake didn't sound concerned. “I don’t care."

“What's that on your hand?" Now Miranda's question came out in a high-pitched tone. “Is it lipstick? Were you with her now? Is she still here? Oh my God, she must be!”

Gwen quickly climbed the steps. It was her red lipstick that probably stained Blake’s hand when he tried to make her stay quiet a few minutes before. 

She felt very weird for having to hide from someone as if she was guilty of something. 

"Ok, that’s enough." Blake said, but Gwen couldn't hear it as clearly from up there. “We’re done.”

Gwen hid behind one of the rocking chairs, curling up in a corner on the floor next to the glass window that overlooked the California mountains. 

She no longer knew what was going on between Blake and Miranda, but she continued to relive their conversation in her head, — especially the way he said she cheated on him with other men — as well as the last conversation she had had with Gavin before leaving the house, and the way he had told her to get rid of the baby she was expecting. 

That memory made her eyes fill with tears again, and before she knew, she was hugging her own legs, with her chin on her knees and crying desperately in a way that even hurt her lungs. 

Gwen didn't even notice when Blake walked back in and approached her. When she saw him, he was already sitting next to her and putting an arm around her shoulders to pull her into a hug from which she wasn’t able to run. 

She didn’t even remember the last time someone had hugged and comforted her that way — excluding her children — she currently had a big problem with intimacy: She couldn't be intimate with anyone and she didn’t have close friends because of that. She felt weird and awkward unless it was her family. That was the consequence of the small bubble Gavin had trapped her in. 

A hug was like a robbery. It was as if someone was taking possession of something rare that belonged to her. But that was not how Gwen felt at that moment with Blake. She felt comforted and deeply understood at the same time. She didn't need to explain or apologize, their understanding was from experience and she didn't need words at all.

“I’m sorry she did that to you.” Gwen sobbed. She was thinking about how unfair it was to him. 

Blake tightened the hug but didn’t say anything. He was afraid he wasn’t strong enough to say everything would be ok. 

They were silent, wrapped in that hug and comforting each other, until Blake turned his neck to look at her.

“Now what?" He quietly asked. 

She knew what he was talking about.

"Now I don't know." Gwen said, honestly, letting go of the hug to look at him. 

“I'm sure you shouldn't be drunk since you’re pregnant.” Blake struggled with that last word. That idea was very surreal to him.

“I know, I screwed up." She sighed and softly sobbed, then tried to hold back her tears so they could talk. “It might seem too heavy, but today I wanted to die.” 

“Say what?” Blake was still slow and confused.

“Too heavy for this moment, huh?” She determined for herself. “I will be fine tomorrow. I'm too used to this."

“Used to wanting to die?” He was still trying to understand.

“I’m actually trying not to.” 

It might have been too early to say, but Gwen didn't think Blake would scream at her or freak out. He was in shock, that was obvious, and she was still lightly drunk, but there was a strange, new feeling inside of her that made her believe in the possibility that they would be ok.

“What can I do? Is there a way to know for sure?” He asked.

Gwen went right back to crying. “I… don’t know. Can we talk about this later?” Blake nodded. He also had a lot to think about. “I really don’t want to go home.” She suddenly said.

“You can stay if you want. I have a guest room.” He offered. 

"Thank you, but I can’t.” Gwen shook her head. “I don’t even have help with the kids. I feel like a complete loser.”

“I’m a loser, you aren’t." Blake sighed and she looked in his direction for a few seconds, appreciative of his words, but mad that he had to put himself down.

"I should go." She stood up, thankful that her balance seemed better. “Is my car working?”

“There’s no way I’m letting you drive home like this." He shook his head and also stood up. "I'll give you a ride.”

"I don’t think it’s a great idea." She politely refused, thinking about all the things her husband would say to her if he saw Blake there. "I think I’ll call Jen." Gwen said, looking quickly around. “Wait, where's my purse?"

"Oh shit, downstairs."

The two ended up quickly going down the stairs to the first floor, but the handbag was safe exactly where Gwen had left it, between the cushions on the larger couch. 

She thought she might have lost it somewhere, and he thought Miranda might have seen it, or even taken it.

Gwen called Jen and, even though it was after 11pm, her sister-in-law answered and assured her that she would pick her up soon.

Blake kept her company on the white wooden bench on the porch, next to the front door, exactly where he had found her when he got home.

"I'm so sorry." After a few long minutes in silence, Gwen let out that apology, even though she knew she didn't need to apologize. 

Blake didn't want to say that it wasn't necessary, because he was sure she knew that, so he just nodded.

“Can we talk about all of that soon?" He asked. 

He wanted to talk about her pregnancy and the possibility that the baby could be his, but he didn't have the courage to say that out loud and clear. Gwen knew, though.

She nodded too. "We will" She promised. 

And then she saw Jen's car parking on the street, through the brand new gap in the gate. 

Blake walked out beside her. Jen stayed in the car, since the two of them were already approaching.

"She's drunk, isn't she?" She asked Blake directly, as if Gwen wasn't even there.

"Hey, I'm right here!" She noticed that.

Blake laughed. “Not so much anymore. You should’ve seen her when she got here.”

“This was unbelievably reckless." Jen complained quietly, inside the car, shaking her head.

“Jenny, this is Blake. Blake, this is my sister-in-law, Jen.” Gwen introduced them quickly.

“Nice to meet you, Jen." He greeted her with a friendly handshake through the open car window.

“Nice to meet you, Blake. I’ve heard _quite_ a lot about you.” She purposely emphasized the adverb of intensity.

"Jenny!!!" Gwen complained.

Blake laughed out loud. He walked around with Gwen and opened the passenger door for her.

"Hey you, take care, ok?" He looked her right in the eye and only turned away when she nodded. "And you." He turned towards the driver. "Take it easy on her, she had a rough night."

“Aw, you are a sucker for her already. Cute!"

"Jen??" Gwen snarled.

“Shut up. Put on the seat belt.” Jen ordered her. “Bye, Blake, Thank you." 

Blake was laughing so much that he only managed to wave before Gwen's sister-in-law started the car and left him alone in the middle of the quiet street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you’re thinking so far. Thank you!


	6. You’re consuming me violently

“I threw up so much when I got home. So much, that I think I threw up everything I had inside me. I thought I was going to die.” Gwen pulled the opaque black tights up on her legs and stopped to look at her body in the mirror.

All she was wearing was the black tights over her also black panties and her bra. Looking at her slim and fit physique there was no way to tell she was pregnant yet, but Gwen knew well that it wouldn't be long before everyone knew, and it scared her to death.

"This morning I woke up with the hunger of three people who haven't eaten in a month." She said. 

"It's exactly what you deserve after yesterday." She heard Jen's voice sounding in her ear through the wireless headphones she wore, so she could get dressed and talk to her sister-in-law who was checking on her after the night before.

"Aw Jenny, you are so mean to me." Gwen whined.

"I'm trying to open your eyes, you got drunk yesterday and crashed the car into a gate." Jen did not sugarcoat it. “It was dangerous for you and the baby.”

"I know, but I'm getting my life together now and I'm not going to make those mistakes anymore. I promise you.” Gwen guaranteed as she put on her white button-up blouse. “You know me. That was not me.”

"What about the biggest mistake of your life?" Her sister-in-law asked, as if it was a fair and obvious question.

"What exactly are you talking about?" Gwen stopped buttoning her blouse to pay more attention. She wasn’t really sure which one of her recent mistakes she was talking about.

"That trash of a husband you have." As much as Gwen felt an instinctive and conditioned urge to tell her not to say something like that, she ended up not saying that.

"I am solving one problem at a time." That was what she actually said.

"What problems have you solved already?" Jen asked straight to the point, not quite believing what the other was saying.

“I told Blake about the pregnancy, like you wanted me to." Gwen lowered her voice to a very low whisper, after all, she was at home and Gavin was probably around.

They hadn't interacted much since the really bad fight they had the night before. When Jen brought her home, Gavin was not there, just the babysitter, but when Gwen woke up in the morning, he was already home and had made his kids breakfast. Something in which Gwen chose not to participate. 

Now she had a busy day and didn't plan on having a conversation with Gavin anytime soon. 

"Fine, but Blake is not a problem, he’s the solution.” Jen said, again like it was obvious. “And you told me you two didn't talk." She also pointed.

“Of course we didn't talk, his ex-wife broke into the house because she missed him, remember?" Gwen rolled her eyes, finally closing all the buttons on her blouse.

“Of course I remember. Another despicable human being. She should marry Gavin next.”

“She’s terrible." Gwen agreed ignoring the part about her husband. She was now pulling a tight red skirt up her legs until it fit perfectly around her waist and over her hips. Then she tucked her blouse under it. “But I'm probably going to talk to Blake today. I'm about to spend the whole day at a ‘The Voice’ promo shoot.”

"Oh, I hope he has had enough time to think about all that." Jen seemed apprehensive for the first time in that conversation.

“He doesn't have to think too much about it, Jenny. I already told him that I don't expect anything from him.” Gwen made it clear.

"I already told you that not all men would simply accept not being part of their baby's life." Jen explained and it made Gwen's stomach turn. “Plus it’s his choice, not yours.” 

“He doesn't trust me, Jenny. And I don’t blame him, I am a mess." She said, and lowered her voice tone to a whisper again. “We fucked against the bathroom wall.”

"I bet he loved it." Jen wasn’t going to help her belittle herself. 

"You don't understand what I mean, Jen." Gwen sighed and then her voice came out an even lower tone. "I cheated on my husband with him."

“You didn't cheat on anyone, Gwen.” Her sister-in-law quickly lost her patience. “But even if you did… fuck Gavin. Did I already say that today? No? I’ll say it again then: Fuck Gavin.” 

That ended up making Gwen quietly chuckle. She looked quickly at the half-open closet door. “The point is, she cheated on him, Jenny." Gwen explained. “She cheated on him with other men. Yes, plural. Other men.”

"What a whore." Jen didn't hold her tongue. Gwen gasped. “Ok, we don’t judge, but I hope that karma comes double for her. Blake seems like a nice guy. Too good for his own good.”

“I know. He is.” Gwen agreed, stopping to think more deeply about it. “Still, she cheated on him." 

“Who cheated on whom?" The male voice came from the closet door and the dragging noise indicated that someone was opening it at the same time. 

Gwen was startled and when she turned around, she came face to face with her husband. "My god, Gavin, you almost scared me to death."

"The biggest clown strikes again." Jen said in her ear, disrupting her reasoning. “I bet he knows everything about cheating.” 

"Sorry, honey, I didn't mean to scare you, I was just looking for you." He said, approaching a little, but still maintaining a safe distance. "I just put Apollo down for a nap and I think we should talk."

“Ew, say no to him. Tell him you are late.” Jen's voice said it in her ears, as if it was Gwen's own conscience speaking. 

"I don't have much time right now, Gavin." She said, turning her attention back to the mirror.

"Please, it won't be long, I just want to say a few things." Gavin insisted. 

"Hey, don't fall for it, he's a stupid manipulator." Jen advised, not failing to criticize him. 

"I'll talk to you later, Jenny." Gwen started to say goodbye. "Thanks for checking on me."

“Wait, can I pick up the boys after school? Stella wants to have a pajama party.” The sister-in-law asked. 

“But it's Wednesday." Gwen watched Gavin walking in the closet and sitting on one of the ottomans behind her.

"I know, sometimes it is exhausting to be the mother of a very social child." She said dramatically. "But don't worry, I'll go over there later and pick up their stuff, so I can take them straight to school tomorrow morning."

“Ok." Gwen agreed. "We will talk later then."

“Talk to you later, sis. Don't let him manipulate you, he's a sewer rat, remember that.”

Gwen chuckled. “Bye, Jen. I love you.” And then they hung up the phone.

She adjusted the skirt she was wearing and then ran her fingers through her strands of hair, fixing them and giving it some more volume.

“Jen is coming to pick up the boys after school. They are going to spend the night at her house with Stella. It's a slumber party. ” She informed Gavin.

“It's actually perfect, because what I was going to suggest was that we sit down to have a conversation tonight, just you and me." He said. "I know you’ll have a busy afternoon, but I'll wait for you at home at night so we can talk."

“I don't know if we have much to talk about, Gavin. I think you said it all yesterday.” She looked at him through the mirror.

"Don’t do that, honey." Gavin sighed, standing up. “You know I was not thinking straight yesterday, you took me by surprise. But I thought about all that and I was very unfair to you yesterday. To you and our baby.”

She felt her stomach clench again when she heard him say that, but at that point Gwen no longer knew if it was morning sickness or if she was sick of his face and his voice tone. 

“You were very unfair." She decided to agree because it was the most absolute truth. "You told me to get rid of it. I don't know if the things you said yesterday are forgiving.”

“Let me try to make it up to you, honey." Gavin asked, almost begging for her. His face showing expressions of regret and sadness. “For our family. Isn't that why we’re doing all this? Now we have a new baby coming, we can't give up like that. ”

Gwen thought about it in silence for a few seconds. She honestly thought their situation had gone too far. The vicious cycle was always the same: Gavin treated her as if she was worthless, he hurt her and then returned with that sorry face and manipulated her until she got him back, so that he could hurt her again. Gwen finally saw a pattern.

However, she was still not strong enough to say no to him. “Ok, be home and when I get back and we can talk about it."

“This is great, honey. It’s the right thing to do.” Gavin smiled and took a step forward, as if he was going to touch her, but Gwen stepped away from him. 

"I'm not promising anything, Gavin, I'm just saying that I'm going to listen to what you have to say, that's all." She was very clear. “I can still hear the things you said to me yesterday echoing in the back of my mind" 

Gwen was hoping Gavin would agree and that he would keep his sorry behavior, but he chuckled. “You are so dramatic." He shook his head. “I didn't really mean any of that, I was just mad."

"But you said it." She stood her ground. “Don't blow your last chance."

"It’s ok, baby. We can talk later, I can already tell you woke up in a bad sour mood today.” Gavin rolled his eyes. "Text me what you want for dinner, I can go and get it before you get back."

“Ok, I will.” She suspected his offer, if she was very honest. “Don't forget that you're going to be with Apollo all day today.”

He was finally heading out of the closet when he heard her say that. “Do you think I will forget that I have my son with me?" He laughed. “You sound so crazy sometimes. Don’t worry about it." 

And then Gavin finally left, leaving her alone. Gwen shrugged. Her mood was not as sour as he thought, quite the contrary. Except for the morning sickness, she felt good, maybe just a little nervous about the fact that she would see Blake soon and she would have to have a serious talk with him about all that mess, but otherwise Gwen felt much better than the night before, no doubt.

  


***

  


Blake woke up agitated and rose on the bed. His heart was beating fast and he was panting. It was the middle of the night again, and again he was waking up from a nightmare. The same nightmare. 

Blake had been dreaming of a baby crying since he laid down to try to sleep that night, after Gwen left his house with Jen. Apparently his shock about the news was only over after he fell asleep, and then Blake started having a very strange dream.

It wasn't just any baby crying, it was his baby and he knew it. But no matter what Blake tried to do, that child never stopped crying, and it was despairing. It was as if that repetitive nightmare had been reminding him all night that he had no idea how to care for a baby and would certainly ruin everything if he tried. 

There was no doubt, Blake was terribly scared since Gwen told him she was pregnant and that there was a possibility that the child was his. It wasn't like they were a couple, much less like they planned a future together, but it was still possible that, in one way or another, they end up having a baby together because of one reckless — and amazing, if he could add — night. 

What if that baby was his? _Poor baby_ , Blake thought. It would be born already with a big disadvantage, having to deal with a father who didn't know what he was doing. However, he also did not stop thinking about the possibility of that baby not being his and being Gwen's unfaithful husband’s baby. In that case, it would be terrible for her and even more for that child. Blake honestly wasn’t sure of what was worse. 

When he looked at the clock on the nightstand, he saw that it was already after 5am, so he decided to get up, as he clearly couldn't sleep that night. It was the third time he was waking up with that same nightmare. 

He made a pot of strong coffee and looked around the house for something to occupy his mind. He ended up finding only Gwen's wrecked car to fix, and that's exactly what he did when he realized that the keys had been left behind on the kitchen counter when he stopped to fill the glass of water for her the night before. Blake asked his driver to stop by a car supply store before meeting him and the two spent part of the morning working on her car. They repaired the bumper, changed the broken headlight and checked everything else. 

Before noon the car was ready and Blake had to run so he wouldn’t be late for his 'The Voice' commitments. 

The early afternoon was busy, the team spent more than 2 hours in the promotional photoshoots for the new season of the tv show. The entire crew was there, producers, directors, stylists, hair and makeup people, lighting technicians and everything, even some interviewers who always covered the show’s news. And of course, Gwen, Adam and Pharrell were also there, and Blake had to spend the whole afternoon with her without being able to talk about the revelation of the previous night, which was already granting him sleepless nights.

Blake hated that photos and interviews part, but it was part of his job and career, and it wasn't like it was a bad afternoon either, since whenever he and the other coaches got together the chemistry was incredible and they had so much fun. That day wasn’t different. 

At around 3pm, there was a short lunch break of just 1 hour, and when Blake arrived in his trailer, the food was already waiting for him. In fact, he had ordered a burger and fries, nothing fancy, but it ended his hunger instantly and he was done in less than half an hour. 

Usually, when there was time to spare like that, Blake would take a nap in his trailer, but that day he had other plans. If he ran, he knew he might still catch Gwen having lunch and maybe they could have some time to talk.

And that was exactly what he did.

That area in front of the trailers was usually packed with people from the 4 coaches crew, sometimes even their family, but that day it was especially empty, probably because everyone was still having lunch. There were still some people on the couches, though, he noticed.

Blake knocked twice on Gwen’s trailer door, but there was no answer, so he decided to test the door and was surprised when it ended up opening as soon as he turned the handle. He knew he probably shouldn’t walk in, but he did it anyway. 

There was complete silence inside, except for the white noise that came from a small machine on one of the tables. It sounded like loud wave noises. He didn't know how anyone could relax with that noise, but it definitely canceled out all the other noises around.

It was not long before Blake noticed that the place was not completely empty. The first thing he saw was the pair of high heels on the floor, next to the couch — one was standing right up and the other was laying on its side. Looking up, Blake saw that Gwen was sleeping on the same couch, her legs curled up so that her knees were almost level with her chest, and her face was hidden against the back of the couch.

He couldn't get the idea that she must be cold out of his head, so Blake had to do something. He didn't want to wake her up, but went to one of the closets where he knew the general crew on the show used to keep certain things in all the trailers. He was grateful when he realized that it was the same in Gwen's as well, like it was standard location. Blake found the blankets and pulled one out, the first one he saw. It was a white velvety blanket, very comfortable and warm. It was perfect for her. 

He then leaned over to cover her with it, but at the slightest touch of the velvet on her skin, Gwen woke up quickly, and when she saw Blake, she got really confused. 

"Blake?" She blinked a few times, her eyes begging to close again while she sat on the couch.

"I'm sorry for waking you up." He let go of the blanket and stood upright again, feeling embarrassed that he disturbed her nap. She probably needed those now. “I came here to talk to you, but you were sleeping and you looked so uncomfortable. I thought it looked like you were cold.” Blake was already making his way back to the trailer door. “I'm really sorry, we can talk another time. ” 

"No, Blake, it's okay." Gwen assured him, and then she curled her legs up again, indicating the empty space on the couch beside her. “Come here."

He complied, returning there and sitting on the vacant side of the couch. “Did you eat something?" Blake asked.

“Yes, I had a smoothie, it must hold me until dinner." She replied, knowing that was not the reason he was there.

“A smoothie, really? Shouldn't you be eating for two or something?” He asked, still unsure whether to get into that topic or not. 

Gwen chuckled softly. “I am, believe me. It was almost twice the size I would usually have.” She explained, but decided that she should be a little clearer about that. “I know you saw me on a really bad day yesterday and I did really bad things, but I'm taking care of myself and taking care of this baby too. I'm not irresponsible, I know what I have to do, I’ve already—”

Blake interrupted her. “I wasn't judging, I just wanted to know." He explained it too. “I believe you know what you’re doing.” 

She smiled and they both nodded. Then they were silent for a few seconds, so Blake decided he needed to say what was on his mind before he went crazy. And he was about to go crazy. 

“Gwen, I didn't sleep last night. I'm having nightmares about this. I will never be able to sleep again until I am sure.” He said it all at once, and then looked at her. "Is this baby mine?"

Gwen heard all that in silence, even though she felt an enormous urge to interrupt him countless times. When he finally finished and asked that question, she swallowed harshly.

"I'm not sure." She was honest. 

"What do you mean by that? Didn't they give you a date?” Blake was still very confused and it seemed that the more they talked, the stranger that got.

"There is no way to know the exact date, it is an estimate." She explained. 

"What's the estimate?" He almost interrupted her again. The tone of his voice was uncertain and still confused.

"That week in February." She confessed.

"So it's mine, isn't it?" Blake took a deep breath and rubbed both hands in his hair, messing it up without even realizing he was doing that.

After the initial shock, he was desperate and very unsure of what to do. Blake needed to be sure of something and he seemed more and more confused every passing minute. It was like sinking in quicksand.

"I am not sure." Gwen repeated, not failing to notice the desperate way he was acting and talking. She was starting to get nervous. "Look, Blake, you don't have to—” 

She tried to get ahead of that conversation, but he interrupted her again, this time speaking faster. "How can you not be sure?"

Gwen frowned. “It could be Gavin's." Her tone was less patient now. She wasn’t liking the turns of that conversation. 

"Did you have sex with both of us the same day?" Blake asked directly.

"What?" Gwen pushed the blanket off her body to get up. "What kind of question is that?"

He took a deep breath, ruffling his hair again. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that."

It was Gwen's turn to interrupt him. “Look, Blake, as I was saying, don't worry about any of that, I don't need you to be a father to this child. I wanted you to know about the possibility and you already know, but I always knew that you didn't want any of that and it's understandable.” She paused and he took a deep breath, as if to speak again, but Gwen put a hand in the air to tell him to stop. “I have 3 other children, they have the same father, and this one will be no different. No matter what Gavin and I are going through at the moment, there is still a possibility that this baby is his and I see no reason to act like it isn't.”

“You see no reason? This baby can be mine, that's the reason.” Blake frowned as he looked at her without believing what he was hearing. “Do you think I'm going to let this go and move on without knowing if this baby is mine? No, I need to know.”

“Why, Blake? You don't want a child, you just told me that you're having nightmares because of that. Why don't you just get on with your life? I’m giving you a way out of this.” At that point Gwen was already off the couch and pacing back and forth around the trailer.

“I can’t!" Blake raised his voice to see if she finally understood. “I would never be able to live my life knowing there is a child out there who can be part of me." He made it clear. 

“Please.” She insisted. “I know that I’m doing what’s best for this baby.” 

Blake made an impatient noise with his mouth. "Said the one who got drunk yesterday even though she knew she was pregnant, got in the car and drove up to my house, wrecking my gate." He mocked.

Gwen opened her mouth and closed, not knowing what to say. "Get out." She turned her back to him when she felt tears filling up her eyes.

He regretted all that right away. “Gwen?” Blake took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Please, it's my right to know, don't take that away from me."

She was silent when she turned to look at him. Blake was not wrong and Gwen knew that, but still, he was making things worse.

"I need to know." He insisted again. 

"What if it's yours?" She asked as she watched him rise from the couch too.

“If it is mine, it will be mine. I'm going to be a father." Blake didn't even have to think before he said that.

"You are crazy!" Gwen snarled at him.

"You are being selfish!" He snarled back at her.

A light knock on the trailer door briefly startled them both. Gwen cast a displeased look in Blake's direction and went to the door to check who was interrupting them. When she opened it, she saw that it was Lisa, one of the show's producers.

"Hi Gwen, are you all settled here?" The woman smiled at her, but Gwen's mood had completely changed and she was unable to reciprocate. “I just came to tell you that we are going to start in 10 minutes. If you want to join us in 5 minutes so we can organize everything and everybody, it would be great.”

“What are we going to do now?” She very much wished they would still just do pictures. It was easier to pretend in pictures.

"Some interviews about the new season." The producer explained. “It won't be long, maybe around two hours.” And then Lisa went up another step at the trailer door and finally managed to get a good look inside. “Oh, hi Blake, I'm glad you're here, we were looking for you. You two are paired together for today's interviews.” 

Gwen's stomach turned violently and she thought she was going to throw up a whole kale and green apple smoothie. “Me and Blake?”

“Yeah.” The producer smiled. “Isn’t it great?”

Blake went to the door. “Thank you, Lisa. We will be there in 5 minutes.” He smiled back, and he was sure it must have looked very fake, but he was soon closing the door and turning back to Gwen. "Look, I just need to know." He said, to end that matter. "I don't want fucking Gavin Rossdale raising my kid." 

Gwen rolled her eyes. "I told you to get out. I don't want to talk to you anymore.”

“Too bad for you, because apparently you're going to be stuck with me for the rest of the afternoon." Blake mocked.

"Unfortunately!" She crossed her arms like an upset child.

"Unfortunately.” He said it right back to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE, trust me.


	7. I know that it’s a lot to handle me

“Okay, rank the coaches from your favorite to the least favorite. Go!”

“That's easy. Pharrell is my favorite, Adam is in the middle and Blake is my least favorite coach.” Gwen answered quickly. “Cause it’s everything always about him and not the contestants. He’s the worst.”

“Wow! That hurt." Blake, her pair for all those interviews that night, pretended to put on a sad face, but then he fired. "Pharrell is my favorite, Adam and Gwen are my two least favorite coaches, but I think she just won the worst position now, after saying that." 

They both ended up chuckling.

That was the last interview of the day and the two of them had pecked and teased each other like that for all those hours. Neither was really upset with the other anymore, but they hadn’t forgotten the painful conversation they had in the trailer earlier. 

“See, Blake is so dumb, he did everything the other way around. He loves Adam and me. Everybody knows that.” Gwen shook her head.

"You wish." Blake teased her again, then he turned to the interviewer with a smile. “What is your rank of favorite coaches?" There was no reason to ask the interviewer a question, but Gwen had noticed that Blake was more chatty to that last woman.

She was a tall brunette, with very green eyes and a thin face. Her dark hair had long curls and fell in the middle of her back. She had light brown skin and her body was skinny and long like a super model’s. She didn't look much older than 30. 35 at most. Gwen didn't remember her name, but she was betting Blake did, because he was slightly flirting with that woman from the beginning and Gwen had just noticed that it was bothering her a lot.

"I can't say my least favorite coach, but I can say that my favorite is definitely you, Blake." The interviewer replied, with a smile even bigger than his. It was easy to notice that she was loving the attention he was giving her.

Blake quickly celebrated. 

“Ew." Gwen let that out without paying attention to it. But when she realized, both of them were staring at her. “I mean, that is clearly a terrible choice." She quickly disguised it. 

“Just because she didn't choose you." He mocked and laughed. “She likes me."

"Clearly." Gwen rolled her eyes and then looked at the interviewer. “But don't fall for it, he sucks."

“Hey, you suck." Blake teased again, still not realizing that she wasn't talking about the show at all. "I won more times than anyone."

"Whatever." Gwen waved a hand in the air, as if she was brushing that subject away. "What is the next question?"

"Oh no, it’s ok, you can keep going.” The tall cheerful woman laughed. “The best content is the one that wasn’t scripted." She added and blinked at Blake, which made him laugh too. 

Gwen moved uncomfortably on her chair. She stared at the producer who was behind the camera and should have been controlling the kinds of questions that were being asked and the time of the interview, but he was not even paying attention. 

She wanted a reason to get out of that interview earlier, but she didn't have one. What she had was a really bad feeling about that.

"If you could ask something without a script, what would it be, Vickie?" Blake asked, apparently having as much fun as the other woman did. And yes, of course he had paid attention when they introduced her.

"Hm." Vickie just smiled this time. "Cut the camera, Frank." She told the cameraman. The bright light faded and the shooting stopped, but they were still sitting in the same place.

Gwen blinked a couple of times, adjusting to the new environment lighting and grabbed her bottle of water, thinking that maybe it was finally all over. 

"Do you want to grab a drink after this?" She asked Blake directly. Answering his previous question. 

Gwen gasped and almost spit her water out. 

"Hell yeah, I do." He accepted quickly.

Gwen felt her cheeks burn and couldn't even imagine how uncomfortable she looked at that moment. She saw the interviewer's gaze hover over her a few times, as if she expected her to have a positive reaction to that, but all Gwen managed to do was feel bothered by that and, honestly, she wished to get out of there as soon as possible. 

“Are we done? I can go?" She asked the producer who finally seemed to be doing his job. 

He nodded and Gwen ripped the microphone off her clothes in record time. Then she got up from the chair almost as fast. 

"Thank you, Gwen." Vickie thanked her sympathetically.

Gwen waved in her direction, it was the best she managed to do at that moment.

And Blake just watched her leave, feeling that maybe he shouldn't have done that in front of her right after the argument they had, but at the same time he didn’t see any reason why it would bother her. Maybe he was thinking too much, that's all.

  


***

  


"I'm still shaking, Jenny." Gwen parked the car in the garage and closed the automatic gate behind her. “I hate him. I hate him so much...” She punched the steering wheel, and it made her hand hurt. "I… think I like him.”

Jen's laughter echoed so loudly on the car’s Bluetooth that Gwen was afraid someone outside would hear it. "Ok, so you confessed that you are attracted to him when we talked about the day you had sex, and now you are confessing that you like him?" She seemed to enjoy that a lot. “This is perfect."

"I don't know, I'm really confused, Jenny." Gwen whined. “There is nothing perfect, you are crazy! This is a mess.” She whined. “But you should have seen him, Jenny. Blake was fighting me because he wanted this baby. He wanted to be a father if it was his.”

"Of course he did, this is a real man, Gwen." Jen said it as if it was obvious.

“Doesn’t he realize that he is getting into an unnecessary mess? He doesn't need this now, he has Vickie, the super model.” Gwen rolled her eyes. 

Jen laughed out loud again. “You are jealous." 

“Enough, Jen." Gwen warned. "You are acting like a teenage best friend."

"And you are acting like a stupid teenager." The sister-in-law accused her. "You like him, stop fighting with him.”

“He fought me!" Gwen defended herself.

"Next time kiss him so he shuts up."

“Jen." She rolled her eyes again and sighed. “How do you think I'm going to face Gavin now when I go inside?”

"Uh, is Gavin home?" Jen asked, confused.

"He should be, we agreed to talk tonight. Why?" Gwen wasn’t able to understand anything either.

"Motherfucker!" Jen shouted on the other end of the line.

Gwen had to turn down the volume. “What is it now?"

“He brought Apollo here earlier. Said that you told him to bring all the boys here.” Jen sighed loudly. “He did this to be alone with you, right? He sent all the kids to me so he could try to fuck you. I’m not helping him with that!”

“Oh my god, what’s wrong with you these days?” Gwen chuckled. “Maybe he didn’t pay attention. Gavin never does.” 

But that sounded strange to Gwen too, she remembered saying specifically that he would stay with Apollo all day. Maybe he was really up to something.

“Let me hang up and go in, Jenny. As soon as we finish this conversation, I'm going to get Apollo, ok?”

“No need to hurry, we're all doing good here." Her sister-in-law informed her. “Don't let him fool you. I vote for Blake.”

Gwen shook her head. "It is not a democracy."

"Please, leave Gavin, Gwen. I beg you!"

"Oh god... Bye, Jenny!" Gwen hung up the phone.

She turned off the car and unfastened her seatbelt, taking a deep breath. She opened the door and stepped out of the vehicle, finding herself in the middle of the quiet and well-kept 4 cars garage. 

Gwen was still thinking about her conversation with Blake and her conversation with Jen, and as for this last one, as much as she was amused and sometimes disturbed by the things her sister-in-law said to her, still she knew it was all for the best. Jen would never harm her for any reason, and she was often able to see things that Gwen didn't even see. 

She took a good look around. One of Gavin’s cars was not in the garage, so her husband was probably really not in the house. She thought it was strange, but maybe he went to get dinner, or maybe he needed to do something before she got home.

However, it was still a mystery why he took Apollo to Jen's house, after all, the boy should already be ready to sleep at that time, since it was after 7pm and he would not be a problem for the conversation they would have, since he would be sleeping. But Gwen decided not to think about it too much and just continue with her night. After all, Gavin had begged for that conversation, if he had given up, she wouldn't care too much, it was something she didn’t really want to do anyway.

Gwen took her purse and everything she needed out of the car and went inside. Her husband was really not there, so she decided that since she had had a long and tiring day, she would take a very warm bath and just relax. It was a better scenario than any conversation with her husband, in the current state in which their marriage was. 

She also had a lot to think about. 

  


***

  


"Hey, where are you going, cowboy?" Adam hurried to catch up with his friend.

“I have… something I need to do." Blake said, stopping only long enough so the other was walking beside him.

"Oh, my wife wanted me to invite you to dinner." Adam explained. “But it’s ok, we can have dinner another time.”

"Another time then?" Blake enjoyed spending time with Adam and his wife Behati, especially since he hardly knew anyone in LA and being alone for him lately meant sinking into a bottle of vodka.

“Sure, man." Adam agreed and patted Blake on the back. He was about to say goodbye and leave when he remembered something. “Did you see Gwen? I’m supposed to invite her too.”

Blake suddenly stopped. “Why are you asking me about Gwen? Is it because of what I told you about she and I?”

"What?" Adam frowned. "Of course not. I thought maybe you could have known if she left already.” He explained.

"Yeah, she left." Blake informed him.

“See? You did know more than me.” Adam shrugged, but then sighed and rested a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Are you ok, man? Are you two ok? Is there anything else about you and her that you want to talk about?”

_Hm, yes_ — Blake's brain almost screamed at him — _She is pregnant and it is likely that we are going to have a baby together, but she won’t even let me be a father to this child, because she’s married to an asshole._ — He heard his head go through the whole story, but was content to just shake his head. 

“No, there's nothing to talk about. I'm fine, I'm going on a date.” He finally said.

"With Gwen???" Adam almost yelled.

"What? Shut up." Blake almost flinched because of how loud he screamed her name. "No of course not. With Vickie.”

"Who the hell is Vickie?" Adam was still confused, but his tone was low and discrete again. 

“Vickie, that interviewer. She has worked with us since last year, she is always here asking us a bunch of questions.” Blake explained. 

"Oh, that super tall and skinny brunette who looks like a model?" Adam asked. Blake nodded. “Pretty. But doesn’t she works for ‘E! news’ or something? Your life will be exposed all the time on crazy websites out there and you won't even know who has leaked information. Spoiler: It was your new girlfriend.”

"I'm not marrying her, it's just a date." Blake rolled his eyes and checked the time on the wristwatch. “For which I will end up late because of you.” He sighed and turned around. “Let me get going, because I have to drive around Los Angeles and you know how I hate that.”

“I know." Adam laughed. “But wow, who would have known that you would be out here with a lot of love interests, huh? Get them, cowboy.”

“Oh my god, you’re so stupid.” Blake shook his head.

“Have a good time. Tell me everything later. Tell me about all the making out, ok? Tell me if she is better than you-know-who. And I’m not talking about your ex-wife.”

“Get lost, Adam." Blake finally stepped up and left his chatty friend behind.

  


***

  


Gwen took a quick shower and was finally sunk in a bathtub filled with warm water up to her chin. The bath salt’s scents were a mixture of lavender and mint, to soothe her during the therapeutic bath, but also to keep her attentive and feeling brand new after. And for the first time in a long time, she was feeling really relaxed. She had her eyes closed and her whole body still. Just her head was still working.

Even in there, relaxing, Gwen did not stop thinking. She was unable to stop making a brief comparison between the two reactions she had had regarding her pregnancy. Gavin and the humiliation he had caused her, added to the screams, the offenses and the terrible things he had said, especially when he told her to get rid of her baby. And on the other hand, Blake, who had a simple and easy way out, but was fighting to have the right to know if the baby was his and to be a father to the child if it was.

Gwen did not think it was fair to take that away from him, after all, it was a choice he had to make, and not her, and Blake had already chosen.

But first, she needed to be sure about her baby's paternity, or everyone involved could end up deluded and deceived, including herself. Gwen was coming to the conclusion that she had to talk to Blake again as soon as possible. She knew that she had to apologize for some things and hoped that he too would do the same, and maybe they could get to an agreement. 

Maybe they didn't need to involve Gavin at all until they were sure. They could take the test with just Blake, if he was ok with that, and then, depending on the results, she would tell Gavin. If the baby was her husband's, he might not even need to know that one day there was a possibility that it wasn't, but if it was Blake's, then Gwen didn't even know what to expect from Gavin and his temper. 

But maybe none of that mattered anymore after the day she just had. Blake was probably drinking and having fun on a date, in some Los Angeles bar with a very beautiful woman and he would probably never look at her again after going out with a woman like Vickie.

Gwen's self-esteem was so destroyed after dealing for so long with Gavin and the things he said to her, that she really didn't think she had the slightest chance against a beautiful young woman like that interviewer. Gwen knew she was broken, and that she was complicated. Also that she had three kids, an unresolved and unhappy marriage, and on top of that she was pregnant. She couldn’t rate her pregnancies as the happiest and best times of her life, she also believed they weren’t her prettiest either. 

She didn't know Vickie, the super model — who wasn’t even a model at all and Gwen knew that was very bad and sexist of her to think — but she doubted that that woman could beat her when it came to a messy life.

If everything went as Gwen was imagining it to, then she lost Blake, and if he was really about to get into a new relationship, he would probably accept the way out of that mess she had offered him earlier. Gwen just had to wait for Blake to come talk to her about hiding the possibility of the baby being his, as she said they could. He didn't need a baby in the middle of his future new relationship with a beautiful young interviewer who would always be around and who could give him a thousand babies if he wanted. So he might want a baby, he just didn't need _that_ baby. _Her_ baby. 

Gwen was overthinking. That thought and the very hot water temperature were causing her blood pressure to drop, so she opened her eyes slowly, feeling a slight headache bothering her and her heart beating faster. So she was ready to get up and end her very hot bath when she noticed that the color of the bathtub water was, instead of a slightly milky color — which the bath salts usually gave it— it was a very light pink, as if something had given the almost white tone a touch of red.

Gwen got scared and got up from the bathtub, grabbing a white towel immediately. She was a little dizzy, but nothing worse than that, so she took a deep breath, trying not to overreact. 

In a very hesitant and afraid way, she took the white towel and lightly pressed it in between her legs. The confirmation of her fears came in the form of a small dark red spot on the delicate white fabric. 

“Oh no." Gwen immediately despaired, even though she knew that was exactly what she shouldn’t do.

She knew it might not be anything to really worry about, but bleeding in pregnancy was never a good sign, and it could be a lot of bad things, it could even mean she was having a miscarriage. That scared her tremendously, mainly because she knew very well the recent mistakes she had made and the stressful days she had had. Now she was blaming herself profoundly and endlessly, and it only made the whole situation worse.

Gwen called the doctor while she was getting dressed, and she said she needed to calm down — as if it was an easy task — however, the doctor also advised her to go straight to the hospital to check on the baby. But that didn't help either. Gwen was alone at home, Gavin hadn't shown up yet, and she was too nervous to just get in the car and drive. She didn't want to put her baby's life at even more risk while trying to save it.

Gwen put on the first thing she found in her closet: a white t-shirt and black sweatpants. Then she went down to the living room and tried to call Gavin, but the call went straight to voicemail, as if his phone was off. She tried again, but got the same result. Gwen thought of Jen and Todd, but they had all the kids with them, and it wouldn't be an easy task to stay with the 5 of them in a hospital hall until they sorted that out. She didn't want to scare them either, in case it was nothing. 

She also thought about calling 911 and calling an ambulance, but the idea of strangers looking at her while she was bleeding and not a single hand to hold and support her made her shiver. Also, she could already see the story about how she arrived alone in the hospital in an ambulance leaking and ending up on all the gossip websites.

And then Gwen started to cry and really despair. Until she thought of one last option.

  


***

  


"Two Bloody Marys and a chicken wing plate, please." Blake ordered at the bar. 

_Wait, chicken wings on a date? This is a very bad idea_ — His conscience reminded him. 

He sighed. “Cancel the chicken wing plate, please. Just drinks will be enough.” He fixed his order. "I'm really out of my game." Then he murmured very low to only himself. 

He looked over his shoulder, at the tables behind him, and especially at the one near the bar entrance. The pretty brunette called Vickie was waiting for him there, sitting on one of the chairs and checking something on her phone. 

She had gone somewhere to change after she left the studio and was now wearing a black dress that was casual and provocative at the same time, but not to the point of being too vulgar.

That was definitely not a very ordinary first date, but Blake didn't have much to complain about. He had just spent a few minutes talking to Vickie at their table and apparently they were getting along just fine, and it seemed to be a promising night, since the conversation between him and his date was flowing. Or at least it could be, if he was ever able to stop thinking about Gwen and their argument. Specifically, about how he had been a jerk to her.

As soon as the two drinks were ready, he brushed that thought out of his mind and took the glasses so he could start walking through the tables on his way back to his date.

Vickie welcomed him with a smile.

“This is the best Bloody Mary I have ever had in LA. That's why I chose this place downtown, the drinks are worth the terrible traffic.” Blake sat down and placed her glass on the table in front of her, while taking a sip of his. "Of course, it doesn't even come close to a roadside bar in Oklahoma, but it's the best you'll get here."

“I’ve never been to Oklahoma." She told him, tasting the drink with a quick sip. “Wow, this is so strong." She laughed and it made Blake laugh too. 

He was going to say something, but he felt his cell phone buzzing inside his pocket and was curious about who might be calling him. He knew he shouldn’t look at his phone in the middle of a date, but he really wanted to. 

“You should go to Oklahoma someday. I can make you a list of the best places to visit there.” Blake kept the conversation going so he could pull the phone out of his pocket just enough to see the name on the display. 

"Or maybe you can show me these places yourself one day." Vickie said, pretentiously, but he didn't even listen, much less pay attention.

Gwen's name on his phone's screen had made his heart beat fast and hurt at the same time. Blake thought about not answering, thought about keeping his tantrum for the rest of that night at least, but he was somewhat scared. What if she needed him?

"Vickie, do you mind if I go to the toilet really quick?" He asked, but it wasn't really a question, he was just letting her know he would be absent for a short period, because he was already getting up. 

“Sure, no problem." She said and he nodded, leaving shortly after.

Blake didn't even really go into the men’s bathroom, in the hallway outside he was already returning the missed call. 

“Blake!" Gwen answered, she sounded surprised and relieved.

“Gwen?" He was confused, but relieved to hear her voice. "Did something happen? I don't have time to talk now.” Blake made it clear before she even started.

But the answer on the other side was a loud sob. 

"Gwen?"

"Ok, I'll take care of it myself." She said, now obviously crying. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no. What's wrong?" He insisted. "Why are you crying? Talk to me, please.”

"I am bleeding." She confessed, her voice tone was terrified. "I am losing my baby."

"What?" Suddenly, Blake was just as terrified as she was, and he even felt it when the color drained from his face and he went cold. “Are you at home? Are you alone? I'll be there in 5 minutes.”

“No, Blake, I'm so scared that I completely forgot about your date." Gwen sobbed again. "Maybe I should just call a car. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Hey, listen to me.” Blake was already leaving the bathrooms hallway and going towards the bar to pay the check. “I'm on my way. I want to be with you." He stated as he put a 100 dollar bill over the balcony. “Everything will be fine, I'll be there in 5."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate everyone who reads and comment here or on Twitter. Thank you guys so much. If I keep writing is because of our little interactions ♥️


	8. A sparkle in a deep black hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS IMPORTANT!!!
> 
> That’s it, that’s the warning.

"This is my fault, isn't it?" In silence since they had been placed in that hospital examination room, Blake finally decided to ask that out loud. But he was really afraid of the answer. “It's because we fought. I read that pregnant women can't get too distressed, it's not good for the baby.”

Gwen lifted her head to look at him. She had so many questions about what he had just said, but decided to stick to what he had said first. "No, it's not your fault, it's my fault." She said, and she was sure of that. "It was the drinking, the accident, my age, or it was because I stuck myself up to my neck in stress." Gwen was listing. “I'm sure.”

Blake shook his head. “How about we don't think about who's guilty now?" He had just realized that she had far more reasons to blame herself than he did, and he didn't want that.

She nodded. "I would appreciate that very much." Gwen sighed, relaxing her head on the hospital pillow.

He nodded too. 

She was in a very vulnerable position at the time, wearing only a hospital gown, lying on a cold examination bed and wishing her baby was still alive. It wasn't just anyone she would let be there in a moment like that, but she felt good that Blake wanted to stay by her side.

“Can I stay now?” He asked in an undertone. 

Gwen had just had a pelvic exam and Blake had to stay outside for that because otherwise it would be very uncomfortable for both of them. But after she concluded the first exam without any red flags, she allowed him to enter the room again.

“Yes.” She guaranteed him. They were just waiting for the doctor’s visit anyway. 

And so he did. Blake was there, just sitting in the armchair beside the tall hospital bed, waiting for the doctor to come back, and still fearing that it was all his fault.

"I'm sorry for pushing you to fight." He said, his tone was barely above a whisper now. “I didn’t mean any of that.”

"We didn't fight, we were just stupid." She corrected him. She wasn’t used to anyone apologizing to her like that. “And I'm sorry for ruining your date. I hope you have another chance.” So she did the same for him. 

“Well, I'm going to have to apologize, even if I don't have another chance." Blake sighed. “I just walked out and forgot to tell her that I needed to leave. My head wasn’t working properly.”

“Oh, I'm really sorry." Gwen really was sorry, she was so scared when she called him that she had completely forgotten that Blake must be on a date with the interviewer when everything happened. 

"I will see what I can do about that later.” He told her. “But right now, I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I don't want to make things worse for you. And it wasn’t fair.” 

He was apologizing again, and being so honest that it made her heart sink a little. “Hey..." Gwen turned her neck to his side and waited until Blake looked at her. “You are here, aren't you? You saved us. ”

Blake's lips curved into a simple, genuine smile, but it quickly faded when the room door opened and the doctor walked in. He jumped out of the chair faster than Gwen thought it was humanly possible for such a big man like him to move. It was as if he was doing something wrong sitting in the armchair without being told by someone who was in charge there. He stood by Gwen's bed instead.

“What happened, Doctor? Is everything alright?" Then she realized that he wasn’t afraid of doing anything wrong, Blake was anxious, he needed answers.

The doctor closed the door behind her. “Ok, as I told you during the exam, I don't see any abnormalities. It was probably just the cervix bleeding because of the amount of blood vessels.” She explained. “However, I know that the transvaginal is an uncomfortable exam and that it doesn't make us feel safe at all, so I was thinking that maybe we could do an abdominal ultrasound, just so you can rest easy.”

“Oh, yes please.” Gwen agreed right away, and then she looked at Blake. “Do you want to see the baby?”

He was paralyzed with fear for a few seconds, but as soon as he regained his senses, he nodded. "Of course." 

Blake was much more afraid of doing something wrong and causing another problem than he was that the baby was really his. But if it was, he wanted to be present at all things like that, at all stages. So he got closer to Gwen on the hospital bed and the doctor approached from the other side. 

She pulled the white sheet up and covered Gwen's legs up to her waist, tucking the leftovers under her body so it wouldn’t move and expose her, then the doctor lifted the hospital gown she wore and folded it almost to her chest, exposing her entire belly and abdomen. She turned on the monitor on and Blake just watched as she rubbed a clear gel on Gwen's lower belly.

"This is an ultrasound transducer." The doctor explained and it took him a few seconds to understand that she was talking to him. "You don't have kids, do you?" She asked.

“No." He confirmed it. "How did you know?"

The physician laughed. "Because you are looking at me as if I’m about to stick this inside of her and poke the baby at any moment." She explained. “Don't worry, the transducer just sends out high-frequency sound waves into the body and then listens for the echoes. It’s like the sonar used by boats. I bet you know what I’m talking about now.”

“Oh, it makes sense.” Blake immediately felt more relaxed and comfortable with that explanation and interaction. His hand caressed Gwen's shoulder without him even noticing. But she did.

Gwen had introduced Blake only as a friend and nothing more, of course. That obstetrician was the same one who had taken care of her when she was pregnant with Apollo and she knew her entire family. She also knew Gavin. Not that the doctor would ever say anything, she couldn't, but Gwen didn't want to expose herself and say that Blake was one of that baby's possible fathers. She didn't even know how to explain such a thing.

But still, she thought Blake deserved to experience that first ultrasound, even though it was a crazy and scary thought to actually consider that child being his, and even though she knew maybe he could change his mind about it all right there. 

“Hey Dr. Harrison, can you explain everything to Blake? Like he's here for the first ultrasound of his life?” She asked, ensuring that he wouldn't be lost in the middle of the exam and too embarrassed to ask questions. 

“The way I did for your boys last time?" The doctor didn’t ask many questions, just wanted to confirm. “Yes, of course."

"I never really watched one of these." Blake agreed too, and started to feel instinctively nervous.

Dr. Harrison got the wand and ran it over the gel on Gwen's stomach and the images immediately appeared on the video monitor next to the bed. 

She then started to explain. “10 weeks means that the pregnancy is moving towards the end of the first trimester. It also means that the baby is no longer an embryo, it is now a fetus.” With her other hand, the doctor drew a circle around the image in the center of the screen. “See? It looks way more like a baby now.”

Gwen nodded and smiled.

"Is that the baby?" Blake asked. “It looks like a blur to me."

The doctor laughed. “I know, but you’ll eventually get used to it. Look, it has hands, feet, ankles, wrists, fingers and a huge head.” Gwen laughed as the doctor circled each part of the little body she was mentioning. "It already moves, but it is just too small and you can’t feel it yet, not even mom does." 

He was mesmerized looking at the screen. With everything being described, shown and explained in that way, Blake could see the baby's image much better. "I can see it now. Wow it’s incredible.”

“I told you." Dr. Harrison smiled. “This is the umbilical cord, we can see it now. It takes all the nutrients to the baby.” She explained. “You know that thing that people say that the baby feels everything that the mother feels? Well, they also eat what she eats and depend on the mother's body to grow and develop.”

“Is it true that babies feel everything their mother does?" Blake asked, completely interested in that subject.

“Yes, they share everything. The baby receives many chemical signals from the mother and listens to her heartbeat for the entire time. It knows her better than anyone. That is why it is important that the environment around the mother is healthy and her psychological condition needs to be too.”

"Understood." Blake made a mental note about that.

“I can see that it is growing perfectly and it’s a strong baby.” The doctor was now analyzing the numbers around the screen. “Here we say that this week they are the size of strawberries. But babies grow very fast, next week it will be bigger already.”

“Yes, they do. Apollo is already so big.” Gwen whined, but actually full of pride.

"Oh, I bet! He has always been the cutest little thing." The doctor smiled.

“I need to show you recent pictures." Gwen noticed when Blake stepped away from her and took a few steps towards the monitor.

"What is this?" He pointed to a set of numbers on the screen, still paying full attention to the baby and not to their conversation.

“This is the fetal heartbeat." The doctor explained.

"Fast like that?" He noticed the high numbers indicating it.

“Yes, it is normal, don't worry. In fact, everything is normal and perfect, as far as I can see.” She pressed some buttons on the monitor and then a quick, steady noise started to sound through the speakers.

Despite being fast and agitated, it was clear what it was.

"Is that the baby?" Blake asked, somewhat disoriented.

"Yes, it's the baby's heartbeat." The doctor confirmed what he already suspected.

"Wow." Blake moved away from the video monitor and went back to the chair next to the exam bed, sitting down at once and seeming somewhat disoriented again. Gwen swallowed harshly, imagining that that was the moment when he would run as fast and as far away from her as he could.

Just a little bit of that sound made Blake's legs tremble, but it was no longer because of the fear of being a father, or the insecurity of doing something wrong, it was the thrill of knowing that there really was a life there, and a life that could be half of him too. Blake's head ached even thinking about it, mainly because he started to think about several things, from expenses to putting his life in place to give stability to that child. 

When he finally came back to reality, the fast heartbeat could no longer be heard, but his mind was still reproducing it. He would never forget it. 

“Don't worry, I recommend resting today and tomorrow and a little less stress on a daily basis. How about taking a vacation?” The doctor was answering something that Gwen had asked and he hadn't paid attention.

“A vacation now? I can‘t. We are about to start taping ‘The Voice’ soon.” Gwen shook her head.

“Ok, but it has nothing to do with your age, just take it easy. If it happens again, call immediately. We will be here.” Dr. Harrison wiped all of the gel off of Gwen's lower belly and adjusted the hospital gown before handing her a souvenir of that ultrasound, like she always did.

"You did great today, Blake. It was nice to meet you." The doctor waved at him before leaving the room.

“Thank you, Doctor.” Blake nodded his head, but he still looked a little lost and was deep in thoughts.

Gwen had been watching him for some time, but she said nothing, not even when the two were alone. She could already picture him freaking out and never wanting to look at her again. It was normal, and after all that, Gwen did not expect anything different from him.

She sat up on the bed and turned around, putting her legs out and making a move as if to get off the high bed, but at that moment Blake quickly got up from the chair and came up to her in a sudden way that even startled her slightly.

"There's a baby in there." He said. With one hand, he pointed at her belly and the other he offered to her, so she could hold it and get off the hospital bed with more stability.

"I thought you knew that before." Gwen chuckled. She took Blake's hand and got off the bed, standing on the cold floor of the exam room.

“I did." He confirmed as he quickly went back to grab her clothes and shoes from the table at the entrance and handed them over to her. “And since you told me, I have this urge to take care of you, that’s why I went to knock on your trailer’s door earlier today, but now… I heard that heartbeat and it was like a reality check. There is a human being inside you.” He said that as if growing a baby was the most incredible thing anyone could do. And it really was.

The point was that Gwen had already had three other pregnancies and she didn't feel anything special or incredible about any of them, except maybe at the beginning of the first one. The rest was summed up in anxiety, tiredness, exams, dizziness, and many other concerns. That one, like her last one, even had the added weight of her age. Gwen knew she shouldn't be doing that again, even though everything went well when she was pregnant with Apollo, it didn’t mean it would go as smooth this time. It was already not going very well for her. Perhaps she wouldn’t be so lucky that time.

"Sometimes I feel stupid, you know?" She suddenly confessed, and Blake listened carefully. “For being pregnant again, for getting myself into this mess. It's not about you or Gavin, it's about me, it's my fault, I did this.”

"No, you didn't ask for it, it happened." He refused to agree. 

“But I did ask. It happened because of a set of bad choices that I made.” Gwen said, and he couldn't disagree completely with that, even if he wanted to.

“You didn’t make those choices alone.” Blake got closer to her and he grabbed one of her hands to hold in between his big ones. “Look, if we could go back to that conversation we had this afternoon and change some things, I would change the way I said it all." He explained and she tried to say something, but he wasn't done yet. “What I mean is that I may be really bad at this, I don't even have experience and I don't even know where to start, but please, let me try. I want to help you, I want to be by your side, and I really want to be a father to this child. If it’s mine. I don't want to spend my entire life wondering if this baby is mine and watching it grow from afar.” For some reason, he felt suffocated thinking about that possibility. “God, it would kill me.”

"Yes." Gwen interrupted him suddenly.

“Yes?" Blake was slightly unsure. 

“Yes, you will know. We will take a test and you will know for sure.” She squeezed his hand in return, as if to say that everything would be ok. “And if you are this baby’s father, so be it. You have the right to be a father to the baby we made. I will never take that away from you. I don’t want to.”

Blake felt such relief that he felt like crying, but he held that in because he didn't want to ruin that moment. His hands caressed hers lightly.

“I want to be present. I want to be by your side.” He said.

“You will.” Gwen nodded, her thumb stroking the inside of his hand in response to the way he was caressing hers. “I also regret our argument. I regret what I told you about my marriage being the best thing for this baby. It’s not.”

“I know, but it’s ok.” Blake did know, she had already told him about everything her husband had done to her and their family. He didn’t want her having to explain herself or talk about that at all, so he changed the subject. “I won’t disappoint you." He promised, even if he didn't have to.

"I know you won’t." It worked, Gwen smiled. “You just proved it to me. After helping me the way you did, even though you had to leave in the middle of a date, and after everything you saw and found out today about this baby, if you haven't run in fear yet, I don't think you will ever do that.”

"I won’t." Blake assured her.

They hadn't even realized they were standing so close to each other, but before she knew, Gwen was hypnotized. Her eyes were looking right into his blue ones, and Blake was just as lost in her dark brown ones. The determination he had was intoxicating her. She was discovering that she loved that feeling of being completely emotionally supported by someone. It was new and it was exciting. But it was also dangerous, so Gwen soon cleared her throat and took a step back.

She was still wearing that strange hospital gown and that was not very appropriate, to say at least. “I should change. Can you wait outside?”

"Oh yes, of course.” He agreed, already taking a step back too. 

The first thing he would do when he left that room had to be buying a bottle of water, because his throat was so dry that it even felt sore.

“Hey, Blake." Gwen called him again and Blake turned back to her. "Maybe you should keep this with you." She offered him the ultrasound souvenir: A printed photo of the screen showing the baby and all the information about it.

“Wait, are you sure?" His eyes widened, but he took the photo anyway. 

"Yes.” She nodded. “You can give it back to me if, you know…if you need to.” She didn’t want to say _‘if you’re not the father’_.

"Ok. Yeah, of course, I'll keep it with me." He said satisfied and smiled at her.

Gwen smiled back. “Thanks for today."

"Thanks for letting me stay." Blake answered quickly and then turned back to the room’s door. "I'll wait outside."

  


***

  


Gwen did not know how she had managed to have so many mood changes in one day, but she was sure she could blame it on her pregnancy. In fact, if she looked back, since she found out she was pregnant, the mood swings and the amount of things that had happened were absurd, and it was only two weeks ago. The physician was probably right, she had to start taking it easy.

That bleeding she suffered made Gwen open her eyes to some things, her stress level being one of them, and the fact that Blake deserved and had the right to be present if he wanted to was another one of those things. She would not shut him out anymore, she would no longer limit what he could ask or what he could participate in, because she understood him now and knew that he was not just saying that, he really wanted to be present for everything. 

When Gavin didn't even answer her call, Blake was willing to drop everything to help her. And Blake didn’t plan to have a child at that moment, he also did not plan to have children with her at all, or that it would happen unintentionally at that point in their lives, and he was scared, of course, he was confused and in shock, but even so he was willing to bear all the consequences of his actions and hers too. And many people would say that he was only doing what he was supposed to do and that it didn’t make him anything special, but the point was that he had an easy way out, but he still fought to be part of it. And it would be a mess, a disaster, but if that was the way he wanted it, then it would be that way. 

Gwen sometimes struggled to understand his choice, but she was not the one who had to understand, she just had to accept. And that night she did. 

The room door flew open, and almost as if he could hear her positive thoughts about Blake, Gavin entered completely agitated. Gwen was thankful for being dressed already, because he left the door ajar when he passed through it.

“Honey, what happened? My phone is acting up and I only saw your message a few minutes ago, but I ran straight here.” He said as he got closer to her.

"Where were you?" She asked directly, almost interrupting him. “I got home and you weren't there."

He stopped, still a little far from her. "I know, I'm sorry." Gavin said, but he didn’t answer her question. “Did you have a miscarriage?” 

Gwen was taken aback by that question, and before she could help it, her mood was changing again. “Ah, you would love that, wouldn't you?" She felt the way the blood rose to her head and her cheeks got hot.

Gavin opened his mouth to answer, but closed it soon after. He seemed to need to take a deep breath. “What are you talking about, I was worried about you."

“I bet you were very worried about me. Worried that I would blame you for that too if it happened, right? Guess what, I was going to blame you, because it's your fault!” She pointed her finger at him.

“Hey, look, there's an ice cream cone in the cafeteria. When they put two scoops in the cone doesn't it look like a—” Blake was walking into the room, not knowing what was going on inside and ended up braking abruptly when he almost ran into Gavin. 

The air inside that examination room was as thick as a cloud of black smoke.

"And what is he doing here?" Gwen's husband asked, looking very confused.

"Blake helped me when you didn't even answer your phone." She explained, but only enough.

"You called him?" Gavin asked, shaking his head. “Why didn't you call Jen? Todd?" 

“Well, because you left our kids with them, remember? You can expect only so much of people, Gavin. They shouldn't have to be doing your job all the time.” Gwen fired.

Blake wasn’t sure whether to close the bedroom door and stay or sneak out. But, for some reason, he was nervous about leaving Gwen alone with that man, even though he knew he should go out and let them talk. That newly acquired feeling of deep care for her seemed to overpower any ethic he had.

“It's your job, too. You can’t throw everything at me like that.” Gavin tried to lower his voice, but it was impossible for Blake not to hear when they were all in the same room. "It's not like we should be having another baby in the middle of this mess." That last sentence came out as a growl between his teeth.

Gwen felt her whole body heat up and shudder with anger, but Gavin seemed to have said exactly what he knew was going to seriously bother her, Blake noticed.

So he took a step forward and approached her. “The doctor said you need to take it easy, remember?" He whispered to Gwen, but just like before, everyone present could hear it. “Do it for you and the baby. Now come on, I'll give you a ride back.”

“She doesn't need a ride." Gavin said, as if it was obvious, and mocked briefly with a chuckle. “What are you still doing here?”

"Excuse me?" Blake looked straight at him for the first time. "I don't think I spoke to you at all."

The other man laughed again. “Excuse you, we're going home." 

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Gwen was breathing deeply and had her eyes closed until then, but she opened them and made her final decision at once. "I'm going to ride with Blake." She unconsciously ended up giving her bag to Blake as she spoke, and he held it like it was his job.

"This is ridiculous, Gwen." Gavin finally seemed affected by that argument. He frowned and his voice tone was impatient. “No need to involve anyone else. This is our problem.”

"Well, you're too late, Gavin." Gwen shrugged and turned to leave. 

“Did you really make me come here for nothing?” He snarled.

She turned around again to snap at him. “I didn’t make you do anything. You weren’t there when we needed you!” Blake put Gwen's purse back on the exam table on purpose and then held her shoulders and guided her to turn to the door again. “And we still have to talk, but you should go get Apollo, since you were the one who left him there."

They left the room when she finished saying what she needed to say, but it wasn’t all for Blake. “Oh no, I think I left your bag in there. Wait just a minute, I'll get it.” He told her and went back in the room, leaving her safely outside.

When Blake opened the door, Gavin was about to leave, but he pushed him inside with his shoulder. 

"What the fuck?" He staggered back. 

Blake closed the door behind him. “I know what you are doing. I know many people like you. Your psychological and emotional control over her will stop working once she realizes the trash of a person you are.” He said, and his voice tone was anything but friendly. 

“Excuse me?” Gavin was annoyed. “You don’t fucking know me.”

“Oh, I don't need to know you. And I don't even want to.” Blake shrugged. “But hurt her one more time and you’ll have to deal with me.”

Gavin chuckled this time. “What are you going to do? Are you going to sing me a country song?” He was then fully laughing. "It would be a terrible torture indeed."

“Or I might have to beat the hell out of you." Blake made it clear.

Gavin frowned. “Why are you here, Blake? What do you want to gain from this?” He asked. “She is not going to leave me and destroy her family because of your little crush on her. Yeah, I bet she loves the attention you give her, Gwen’s a show off, but that will only go so far.”

“See, your emotional blackmail and cheap manipulation don’t really work with me." Blake shrugged again, quickly reaching for Gwen’s purse on the examination table. "If you don't want to hear from me soon, be better." He looked straight at him with a even more serious look. "If you keep hurting her, I'll make sure she sees just how trashy you are."

"Fuck you!" Was Gavin’s only reply, and he had to raise his voice when Blake turned to leave.

He opened the door. "Don’t forget what I said. You’ll hear from me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweeping the garbage rat slowly


	9. Are your secrets where you left them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on, it’s a troubled road.

_There's a baby in there._

Gwen heard Blake's voice echo in her mind again and she couldn’t contain a brief smile as she fed another spoonful to Apollo. 

It was still very early in the morning, the shy sun was still lazily rising behind the high hills, and it seemed like the day would be somewhat cloudy, even though it was still as hot as any day in Southern California. Inside the house, however, it was comfortable and Gwen was wrapped in a warm robe while feeding Apollo his breakfast in the large kitchen with a view of the backyard.

The baby was cheerful and talkative that morning, he didn’t even mind being stuck in the high chair at all. He was also cute and loving, always trying to get his mother’s attention, and Gwen was having a great morning. 

But it didn’t last.

"Good morning, my loves." Gavin entered the room also wearing a cotton robe. He had damp hair because he had just come out of the shower.

She didn’t say anything back, just kept looking at her son and playing with him. Apollo waved to his father and mouthed something with his mouth full of oatmeal and bananas. But Gavin didn’t pay attention, he went straight to the kitchen counter by the stove and filled his mug with black coffee.

"Oh, I definitely needed this." He said, after taking a sip. Like it was a relief.

Gwen felt uncomfortable and bothered by that. She was very tired, Apollo had woken up at least 3 times that night and Gavin didn’t help at all. He slept in Kingston’s bedroom because of their fight and didn’t even bothered checking on the baby. She was also feeling all the consequences of the stress she suffered the night before, her whole body was aching. But at least that morning she didn’t have to deal with the usual rush to make sure the older boys were ready for school in time, as they had slept at Jen and Todd’s with Stella.

"How are you feeling today, honey?" Gavin asked as he pulled up a chair to sit at the big kitchen table next to her.

“Where were you last night?" She asked, not interested in any other subject that would come from him.

“I'm sorry that I didn't answer your call yesterday.” He made an impatient noise with his mouth, as if he was already sick of talking about that. “I said my phone is acting weird, I didn't even see that call and your text until later, and when I did I ran over to you.” Gavin explained, avoiding her real question again and acting like what he did was a big deal. “I went there and what did I get? You’re pretty rude, you fought me and left me alone.”

She watched him with narrowed eyes as he spoke. “Gavin, do you think I'm stupid?" Gwen asked, keeping her tone calm and controlled — even though she wanted to scream — because she was still playing and feeding Apollo. “I know that you are a liar and that I can’t trust you, but you wanted to have that conversation, you begged for it. So I have a theory.”

"Can we talk about this later?" He raised one hand and made a move as if he was going to touch her face, but Gwen pushed his hand away before he could. He always tried to touch her when he knew he was wrong, it was another way of manipulating everything. 

"I want to tell you my theory." She said, going back to feeding Apollo with his spoon, but she didn't exactly wait for an answer. “I think something unexpected happened yesterday and made you leave the house when you knew you were supposed to be here, am I right? So you left Apollo with Jen, but you were hoping you would make it back before me so you could stop by to pick him up, but you couldn't. What happened?”

Gavin sighed deeply and pushed his coffee mug aside, as if he didn’t really want to drink that anymore. “Look, I want to talk to you, I really need this conversation, but I want to do it without drama and without yelling. I don’t want to fight, ok?” He asked.

"Wow, that bad, huh?" She shook her head, not even looking at him anymore.

He ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath. There was no easy way to go, but whatever it was, she could see in the way he acted that he believed he would get away with it eventually. 

There was a brief silence as Gavin gathered some last minute courage. “She's pregnant too." He confessed at once. There was no need to explain anything, his wife knew very well who he was talking about.

Gwen turned her face towards Gavin quickly and her eyes were wide. She was paralyzed for a few seconds, until her right hand slightly shook and she dropped the spoon full of oatmeal onto the high chair tray, spreading all its contents.

"Uh oh." Apollo reacted to it in the same way his mother reacted whenever he was the one who dropped the spoon.

Gwen stood up and unhooked her son from the high chair, picking him up before he got food all over himself. Gavin also stood up, following her movements with his eyes with some tension. She took the boy into the living room and placed him inside the big playpen. She knew he would be safe there for a few minutes alone. 

Then Gwen went back to the kitchen and her husband was startled when she closed the glass door behind her. From there she could still see Apollo playing with toys in the limited space, but the door would be enough so that he wouldn’t be able to hear his parents' fighting. 

"How long?" She asked suddenly, even though she was still looking at her son.

"What?" Gavin was confused. 

"Her pregnancy." She turned to him and stared as if she could kill him just by doing that. 

He sighed. "10 weeks I think. Whatever. For as long as you.”

“So that week, huh?" Gwen was so nervous that she was out of breath. Her body was still slightly shaking because she was trying to keep everything inside of her. She could barely think and she was pretty sure she would have a heart attack or something worse. "Did you keep fucking her after I found out?"

"Gwen?” Gavin was staring at her, but he didn't quite know what he should say.

“Don't you dare lie to me!" She raised her voice and made her tone imperative. “I want to know!"

“Yes." He screamed back at her, but took a deep breath right after, to calm down. “A couple of times, but only until she found out she was pregnant. She found out just before you.” He told her, deciding that the truth would only hurt her anyway. “The problem is that she keeps threatening me. If I don’t support her and the baby, she says she will spread this whole story around and everyone will know.”

Gwen took a few steps back until she found a chair to sit down. "My god, I feel sick." She leaned forward and hid her face in both her hands because in seconds she was crying.

"Yesterday she demanded that I come over because of whatever shit she was feeling." Gavin continued to tell. “I had no choice, she was going to tell everyone."

Gwen sobbed loudly. She wasn't really surprised, but it was like salt in her very recent wounds, and it hurt like a last stab to the back, the final blow. She felt so betrayed, so stupid and so broken that she was afraid she would never recover.

But still, she lifted her head and took a deep breath, wiping away the tears under her eyes.

"I want you to leave." Gwen had realized there that her marriage to Gavin was a tricky trap, like quicksand, and the more she tried to save them, the more she sank in it.

There was no way to fix that mess, she had to start digging a hole to get out of it. 

"What do you even mean?” Gavin frowned as he was looking at her like she was talking crazy.

“I mean I want you out of my house, out of my life.” Gwen stood up and started yelling at him. She just couldn’t take it anymore. “I want you out! I want you away from me!”

“Hey, stop screaming! Are you crazy?” He took steps back, away from her.

"Yeah, maybe I'm crazy whenever you’re next to me." She answered as if that was a real question. “Please, leave me alone, I can't take it anymore. I can't even look at you anymore.”

"What the fuck? I was trying to be honest here and is that what I get? This is why I have to lie to you.” He also started speaking in a loud and irritated tone.

“It's too late for you to be fucking honest!" Gwen shouted again, but she turned to the door to check Apollo right away. The boy was still distracted by the toys. “You had years to be honest before. You had many opportunities to get out of this relationship before you were unfaithful. You chose to disrespect and hurt me everyday. You chose to do that even after I found out. You’ll never change, Gavin.”

“Here we go with the fucking drama again.” He rolled his eyes. “You know what? I'm tired of you victimizing yourself every day of our lives. You are the one who will never change.”

"Please go away." She turned to him just to say that.

"I’m not leaving!" This time he screamed and pushed the mug full of coffee off the table and straight to the floor. The porcelain broke into many treacherous pieces. 

Gwen saw Apollo look in the direction of the kitchen with wide eyes. “Enough with the screaming." She sat back down on the chair, afraid she was going to end up stepping on the mug’s broken pieces.

“Gwen, this is my home and my family too. If you make me leave, I promise you I will never come back.” Gavin threatened.

“Right now I just need you to go." She stood her ground. “Please."

"Fuck it!" He threw his hands in the air and turned his back to her, leaving her alone in the kitchen.

Gwen felt her body shiver and the long sob she was holding inside came out loud and painful. She felt so lost and defeated that her body became too heavy for her to remain sitting upright, so Gwen leaned over the table and buried her head in both of her crossed arms.

  


***

  


Jen hurried through the front door. She crossed the hall and went straight to the living room, but she didn't find anyone there, so she just put Leo in the playpen.

Jen was about to go up the stairs to the second floor when she saw someone sitting at the kitchen table. As she got closer, she realized it was Gwen, she was sitting at the end of the long breakfast table, with her head hidden in her arms. 

The kitchen floor was a mess, with spilled dark liquid and shards of a porcelain mug shattered everywhere.

"Hey, sis, I'm here." She approached Gwen and lowered herself close to the chair where she was sitting. 

Gwen raised her red, swollen face to look at her, and Jen could tell she had been crying for a long time. As soon as she saw that her sister-in-law was there for her, Gwen let out a loud sob and started crying again. 

“I know, it’s ok, you can cry. Crying is good.” Jen caressed her back and let her get it all out. 

She had gotten a text from her sister-in-law briefly explaining what had happened that morning just minutes ago, and she had gone straight there, to be with her.

“She's pregnant too, Jen." Gwen rested her head on her shoulder while the other still stroked her back lightly. She had been crying for so long that her lungs ached and her breathing was labored. “He kept cheating on me. Even after everything, after the fights, the conversations, the things he said and promised. He kept cheating on me. I feel worthless.”

Jen wanted to curse him and scream to the whole world how much she despised him, but she knew that it was not the time for that. She couldn't say that she was surprised about the news about Gavin's continuing infidelity. Jen always knew.

"He doesn’t deserve you. You were always too good for him.”

"I was never enough." Gwen corrected her. "I'm still not enough. He left.”

"Don't say that, it's not fair to yourself." Jen would always get mad when she heard her put herself down like that, but that day she was trying really hard to be patient. “Look at you, Gwen. You are incredible, you’re so beautiful, such a great mom, a stable woman in all aspects of life, balanced, a wonderful person. You can do anything… I can keep going.”

Gwen rolled her crying eyes. “I am a mess." She shook her head. “And I'm crazy, I’m complicated and not interesting enough. Even though he was caught and ashamed of it, Gavin kept doing it. He didn't want to be with me anymore, but he needed me to put an end to this, because that way he didn't fail his family, I did.” She was still crying so much that Jen sometimes had a difficult time understanding her.

“Gwen this is not about you. He's a bad person in general. Sorry, I know he's the father of your kids, but he sucks.” The sister-in-law lifted Gwen's head and brushed the strands of hair from her wet face. “Do you want to know what I think? I think it's a relief that he's gone. He would only hurt you.”

"But now he is gone and I am alone." Gwen fixed her posture and sat straight on the chair again. Her body protested the change in position. “He said he won't come back. Does he mean not even for the children?”

“A woman like you will only be alone if she wants to be. If that's what you want, that's fine too. But I can’t believe you can't see how good you are, and I surely hope he comes back to see his kids or I might need to go after him.” Jen stood up, taking the opportunity to look in Leo’s direction, who was already getting bored. “Where's Apollo? Do you want me to take him to my house? I'm sure Leo would love the company, he is super bored of me.”

Gwen shook her head. “Apollo is napping. Please let him stay with me. I don't know if I can keep myself sane without the kids around.”

“Great!" Jen nodded. “Then I will stay too." She would never leave Gwen alone after finding her the way she did and hearing about her not being able to stay sane. “Do you have any fruit here? I feel like eating fruit salad. I'll make us one.”

“I am not the best company at the moment." Gwen sniffed sadly, lowering her body again and resting her chin on the marble table, so that she could still see her sister-in-law who had just started to pick up the broken mug pieces from the dirty kitchen floor. 

"No problem, I can speak for both of us today." Jen shrugged, going back to acting normal and less careful with her, which was a relief to Gwen. "But can you get Leo before he starts screaming and wakes up Apollo?"

She gave Gwen a task so she would feel useful and realize that Gavin's absence did not mean the end of the world. Although she knew it would take her way longer to really understand that.

Gwen stood up after nodding. She was halfway there when Jen spoke again. "Children… I don't want another one of these even if someone would pay me to have them, I don't know how you do it."

Then Gwen stopped in the middle of the room and put her hand over her stomach. It was as if she had just remembered that she had another life growing there and that the doctor had said the baby felt everything she felt. She needed to be stronger and pick up her own pieces, even if it was difficult, after all, at that moment, she was not the only one affected by her deep sadness. Gwen needed to do better.

  


***

  


"Dude, what was so important that you made me leave the house before noon?" Adam walked over to the park bench where Blake was sitting and offered him the extra coffee he had brought. "I swear if this is just news about your date, I will beat you up." 

Blake accepted the coffee and just stared at him while waiting for him sit down. When Adam did, he took something out of his pocket and handed it over. 

The other stared at the ultrasound picture and it took him a few seconds to assimilate that information. “Oh shit. Your future ex-wife is pregnant right now that you finally decided to divorce her cheating ass?” Adam assumed. He looked at Blake with a sorry facial expression. "That fucker didn't even want to have children." 

"This is not Miranda's." Blake shook his head, but was very grateful to be able to say that. The thought of his ex-wife getting pregnant now gave him chills. "Try again."

But Adam didn't have to keep trying, he looked up at the edge of the picture and read the small surname that indicated the patient. He almost choked on his coffee. "What??? Is Gwen pregnant?” He was shocked, but as he connected the dots, he seemed even more so. "Is this baby yours?" Adam's face was even a little red. "Was it made in my guest bathroom???"

"Possibly." Blake confessed. "But I'll definitely let you know when I know for sure."

It took Adam a few seconds and a deep breath to get back to normal. "Right. I think I need a little background on all of this. I know you had sex at that party, but how did we get here? Help me." 

Blake sighed. “In short, Gwen's husband is an asshole—" He started to say, but was interrupted. 

"He does look like an asshole, doesn't he?"

"Yes." He agreed, of course. “He did some fucked up things and they were separated at that time. I don't want to tell you details because this is Gwen's story, I don't think I should.”

"Ok, keep going." Adam agreed and encouraged him to continue telling his part of the story. 

“That same week she was with him, then shit happened and a few days passed and we ... you know. So it could be mine, or it could be his.”

"Oh fuck." Adam was still shocked and didn't quite know what to say. “Now what? Are you completely freaked out? How do you feel?"

"I don’t know." Blake was honest. "I was numb after she told me, shocked I think. Then I freaked out and was flustered and now I think I'm accepting it." He pointed out every stage he recognized and had gone through. “I just feel a huge and instinctive desire to take care of her, you know? It may be my baby in there. And besides, Gwen is a really good person, none of this is her fault and it seems that she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. I just wanted to go over there and help her carry that weight.” He finished what he had to say and looked at his friend, who was paying close attention.

“This is really great of you, man." Adam patted Blake on the shoulder. “You really are a special guy. I would still be freaking out.”

“Ah, shut up. She didn't make that baby alone, it is what I should be doing anyway.” Blake pushed his hand off his shoulder. 

Adam chuckled. "So you are just handling this well now?"

"I can't say." He shrugged. "I hope so. Yesterday she had a situation and I took her to the hospital and—” He was interrupted again. 

"Wait, but what about your date?" Adam asked. 

"I ended up leaving before it really started." Blake told him. “I had to be with Gwen."

"So you left in the middle of the date?" Again, Adam had shocked expressions.

“Yes, pay attention. I took Gwen to the hospital and stayed with her. I saw that baby on the monitor and I swear I can't think of anything else. I woke up today and she was everything I cared about. All I wanted was to be able to call her and ask if she had eaten her breakfast. I wanted to know if she was feeling better, if she was taking it easy as she told me she was going to. I wish I could get out and bring her some lunch, to make sure she was eating well and not just taking those green smoothies that she drinks. But I can't really do that, can I?” 

“Oh, man. I'm so sorry." Adam sighed. "Aren't you scared because you might be having a baby, though?" He was curious. 

“Honestly, yes, I'm scared, but I always wanted a family, and I wonder if this is the only way it could happen in my life, because I thought I would have one, but my marriage didn't work, and now, until I find someone, get married and plan a family, it probably wouldn't happen, so maybe this is my only chance.” Blake confessed exactly what he thought, but there was also a downside. “But it won't really be a family, will it? I mean, Gwen is married. Even if the baby is mine, that will be it’s real family.”

“If the baby is yours, it should be your family. Did you talk to her about it?” Adam wanted to know.

"Yes, we talked." Blake confirmed. “She wanted to give me a way out, but I told her that if this baby is mine, I want to be the father." He said, but he still had something to add in the end. "And the craziest thing is that I want this baby to be mine."

Adam listened in silence and nodded, patting his friend on the back shortly after. "I'm proud that you made that clear, and that you fought for what you want." 

Blake did not protest this time. “But I don't want to fight anymore, I just want to make sure she's okay. But I know that I need to stop this over care or I will suffocate her.”

Adam was very alert the second he heard that last word. Blake was always discrete about his problems and traumas, but one time he had drank too much and let slip to his friend that Miranda accused him of harassing her so much that she felt suffocated.

"I'm sure Gwen doesn't feel that way." Adam meant it, even though he knew Blake wouldn't believe him.

“It doesn't matter, I have to go back to Oklahoma anyway. I need to pack some things and get other things sorted at the ranch before we go back to work. I have some shows over the weekend too. I will occupy my mind with other things.” Blake shrugged. “But I have to talk to Vickie first. I really screwed up.”

“You don't like this Vickie chick, do you?" This time Adam made a confused face. "I really don't think this relationship would work."

“It was never a relationship, but I left without saying anything to her, I needed to explain what happened. I don't want to hurt her feelings.”

“I don't know how you can live your life really caring about everyone's feelings." Adam handed him the small but very significant ultrasound picture. “Nobody can please everyone."

"I definitely don't please anyone." Blake put the photo back in his pocket. For some reason he was carrying it everywhere. “I'm an idiot with no future. But maybe I have one last chance for a future.” He indicated his pocket where the picture was. 

“Look, this is great and I'm proud that you are a great guy, but be careful, you can't get too attached to it yet. You don’t know if it’s yours." Adam advised him. "Is it at least a 50% chance?" 

Blake looked at him, confused. "How do you measure that?"

"I don’t know." His friend shrugged. “You only had sex once. Maybe she was already pregnant.”

“Maybe." Blake shrugged. 

But that early afternoon, when he got back in the car and started the engine, letting the air conditioning lower the temperature that the hot Los Angeles weather had caused inside, he thought about that a lot. But he also made his plans for the next few weeks in Oklahoma, and the first thing he did, before he headed back home, was to call Vickie, the interviewer he almost had a date with the day before.

"Blake?" She answered quickly, and sounded surprised.

“Hey, Vickie. I don't even know where to start, I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.” He honestly said, and feeling very embarrassed. He hadn't even been able to think about what he would say to her because every time he thought about it, he felt bad. “I had to leave, it was an emergency. I know I should have talked to you before I left, but my head wasn’t working well.”

There was a brief silence, and Blake honestly thought she was just going to hang up on him. 

"Yeah, you should have at least talked to me." Vickie agreed to what he had said. "At least that way I wouldn't stay there waiting for you."

"I'm really sorry, Vickie." Blake just wanted to dig a hole where he could hide forever. “Gwen is pregnant. She had an emergency, and I needed to help.” He ended up confessing the truth, but regretted it right away. 

It seemed that the more he tried to do the right thing, the more he ended up making bad mistakes.

"Oh!" She let that out in an even more surprised tone. “Is she ok?"

“She is fine." Blake was afraid to say anything else.

"Is the baby yours?" Vickie asked directly. 

That was the million dollar question. But he would never say that.

“Look, Vickie, she is a very dear friend, she called me and I had to help her. That situation disturbed me, which is why I left that way and completely forgot to let you know. I wanted to apologize to you, because I'm really sorry.” He suddenly said exactly all he had to say and insisted on changing the subject.

Vickie seemed to think for a few seconds. "Ok, as long as we can try again soon." She finally spoke. 

“I'm actually going back to Oklahoma. I'll be there for a few weeks.” Blake said, thinking she must be crazy for wanting to try that again. But she seemed to let out a very dispirited sigh on the other side, and that made him feel ashamed again. “But I can call you when I get back." He added just so she wouldn't feel bad. 

“Okay, deal then." Vickie sounded cheerful again. "You can text me and we'll talk while you're there." She seemed excited to be able to tell him what to do.

"Ok." He agreed because he had nothing more to say, and he still had a lot to do before leaving that parking lot. “I need to go. Bye, Vickie.”

“Ok, can’t wait to talk to you, bye Blake." He hung up and took a deep breath. 

Blake honestly did not know why he kept getting into mess after mess. He picked up the phone again and called someone else.

"Blake?" That voice also sounded surprised when she answered.

“Hey Gwen, how are you? How are you feeling today?" He asked, feeling relieved that she answered, but briefly anxious. 

"Good." She simply replied, without much detail. 

Blake felt a tightness in his chest because he noticed a sad tone in her voice almost immediately.

“Bad day?" He couldn't help but ask. 

Gwen sighed. “I can't even lie today, apparently." She sounded a little impatient, but it was not her intention. “I'm sorry, I'm not the best company today, but I'll be fine. We are fine." She spoke in the plural because she thought he was calling about the baby.

"I understand." Blake assured, and decided not to insist anymore, he didn't want to upset her. “I'm really calling to let you know that I should be out of town for a few weeks. I'm going back to Oklahoma.” 

There was a brief silence. 

"Ok." Gwen said shortly after.

And he hated that, because he couldn't read her tone.

“Ok." Blake said back, his head already starting to overthink everything. "Promise me that you'll be fine?"

"I'll be fine." She promised. 

He didn't think it seemed like an honest promise. “Ok, you know how to find me if you want or need me."

"Thank you, Blake." Gwen was brief again. "Have a safe trip. I need to go, bye.”

"Ok, bye—" But she hung up before he actually said goodbye. 

Blake then dropped the phone on the passenger seat, now upset and thinking about what could have happened to her to make her act that way. Gwen was definitely affected by something, listless, seeming tired and disinterested. Maybe her stupid husband was around, it would be a viable explanation. But she also seemed sad.

Blake ran both hands on his face and hair several times, and then slapped his own face as if he wanted to wake himself from a bad dream. He needed to stop thinking too much or it would kill him.


	10. All the energy's pulling me right back to you

_Are you back in town already?_

Blake stared at his phone for a few seconds, reading and rereading the same text. Yes, he had been back in Los Angeles for a couple of days, after two weeks away, but he was avoiding that question and had been telling whoever asked that he wasn’t. Vickie, Adam and even Miranda had looked for him, but Blake always denied being back and said he was still in Oklahoma, sorting out the last things before he actually had to settle in the rented house in LA for a while, because of 'The Voice '.

But this time the question did not come from any of them. The text was from Gwen.

_Yes. I’m back now. How are you today?_ — Blake texted back, deciding he didn’t want to lie to her. 

They had been talking a little in those two weeks, usually about the baby’s news and the pregnancy, because Gwen was doing a great job including him in everything related to that. Blake had noticed that she was distant and always wanted to end the calls as quickly as possible in the first week, but he didn’t pressure her to interact and Gwen slowly started to look for him and to seem more communicative. He was relieved to see her almost back to normal in the past few days.

When he was opening the front door and putting Betty — his mixed dog, that he had to bring to California — inside, his phone buzzed again.

_I'm super bored. The kids aren’t home. Are you home? Can I come over? There’s something I need to talk to you about before we go back on the set._ — Blake read her text and immediately started to think about what it was that she needed to talk to him about.

But then, looking at the mess Blake had made all around the living room earlier, he decided he had a lot to worry about, besides that. There were tools and dirt from the garden all over the floor in the living room, since he had been planting the whole morning. It was a mess and he would have to get it cleaned up before she got there, but he wouldn’t say no to having Gwen as his company for the afternoon.

_Of course, you can come over. But I’m too busy doing nothing in LA, I’m just letting you know._ — He wanted to sound funny in that text. He had been trying to do that a lot, because it seemed to improve her mood every time. And he succeeded, Gwen sent a laughing emoji. 

He sighed, excited, but hoping that she would give him at least some time to get the house and himself cleaned. 

_I offer you my company, but I want ice cream and a movie in return._ — Blake laughed when he read that. It seemed like she was improving his grumpy LA mood too. 

He soon started to type. — _Ice cream and movie it is, then. How soon will I see you?_

Gwen read it right away, and then she replied. — _Give me some time for a shower. See you soon._

At first he wanted to scream because he certainly wouldn't have time to clean anything and even if he did, he definitely wasn't going to have time to wash the sweat off his body, which was caused by his hard work and the city's hot climate. But Blake decided he should start doing what he had to instead of freaking out, and that was what he did. 

However, Gwen ended up taking hours to actually show up, so he managed not only to clean up the house, but also to take a shower and prepare something for them to eat. When she arrived, it was a little after 6pm, but the Los Angeles sun was still out and strong. 

Blake realized that was one of the few times he saw Gwen dressed casually — She wore a black tank top with a light white sweater over it and cargo camouflage pants — but she was still wearing make up and had her hair done perfectly. 

"Aw you have a dog." She went straight to give a happy Betty her attention. The dog wagged her tail cheerfully and tried to lick Gwen's face when she bent down to pet her. 

“Yes, that’s Betty.” Blake said. “No, Betty, don’t lick her face.” 

But Gwen was laughing. “It's ok." She stroked behind the dog's ears. "Hi, Betty." 

He just watched them as the dog celebrated Gwen's arrival as if they were best friends, even without ever having met her before. And he waited until she finished greeting Betty and stood up again. 

"I made veggie tacos." He proudly said when Gwen turned back to him.

"You did?" She felt her stomach rumbling just thinking about it. “What about my ice cream? I need ice cream.”

“Relax, I got you." Blake motioned for her to follow him as he headed for the kitchen. “When have I failed you?” He joked.

“Hm, never.” Gwen stopped to take off her shoes first, and then followed him. 

He set up the tacos and placed them in a tray, then took the chocolate ice cream out of the freezer to melt a little while they ate first.

"What movie do you want to watch?" Blake asked as soon as they sat on the couch. 

"I do not know. You choose." Gwen shrugged. 

He was confused. “But you said you wanted to watch a movie. I thought you had something in mind.”

"Honestly, I don’t, but isn't it what people do when they have free time?" She asked, taking a first bite of the taco and making a face of pure delight while chewing. It made Blake laugh. "Sorry, It's been such a long time since I have had a completely free day like this, I don't even know what to do with myself."

He then understood what she meant. "The kids aren't with you, huh?" He went back to what he wanted to ask as soon as she texted him that. 

"No." Gwen confirmed, but wasn’t sure if she still needed to say anything else or explain. "Life is messy."

"Do you want to talk about that mess?" Blake asked.

Gwen filled her mouth with tacos again and shook her head. "Later."

He nodded in agreement.

They ended up agreeing on an old detective movie about a series of murders happening in a quiet small town. And surprisingly, they were very entertained for the two hours it lasted. Betty also joined them on the couch, lying comfortably in the little space between them. Blake kept making funny comments about the plot and identifying every old song in the soundtrack, while Gwen spent most of her time laughing at him and petting the dog. 

After the tacos, they ate the ice cream that Gwen wanted so much, and ended up lying on the couch, talking about random things. They were on opposite sides, but even with a huge couch, Blake's long legs were tucked between her body and the back of the couch.

"The baby is now the size of a lemon." Gwen was still finishing the last scoops of her ice cream while talking. "The first trimester is over and that means that the risk of miscarriage is way lower now."

"That's really good." Blake was leaning against some pillows and his body was slightly raised, almost in a sitting position, that way he could still look at her, even from the opposite side of the couch.

In his opinion, Gwen still didn't look pregnant, but she had told him all about how her hips were widening and her uterus expanding. Even though Blake didn't understand what that meant, he didn't mind, he liked to hear about hers and the baby's every week changes. He was even thinking about buying a book that explained what to expect in a situation like that, but he thought it might be better to wait for the result of the paternity test that they would still take, and in the meantime he would just gladly accept anything she wanted to share with him.

“What I wanted to tell you is that I’m thinking about telling the ‘The Voice’ producers about the pregnancy. My due date is around November 30th, or early December, so I will be very pregnant when we go live. Maybe they don't want that.” She held the spoon in her mouth so she could rise a bit too and look at him. “What do you think?"

"I think it's a good idea, if that's what you want to do." Blake said, thinking about it for the first time. "I probably have to tell them about my divorce, too, right?"

"Well, then I'll probably have to talk about it, too." Gwen said suddenly. 

He looked in her direction immediately. "Are you getting a divorce?" Blake asked, not sure if he should. "Are you sure?" 

Gwen sat up completely and he did the same, so they came face to face with each other. 

She nodded. "I'm pretty sure." Again, she didn't quite know how much to tell someone about her life. Gwen wasn’t used to trusting anyone outside of her closest family members, but she needed to vent and thought Blake would understand, after all she already knew that their situations were very similar. 

Blake didn't quite know what to say because he felt like congratulating her, since that was the best decision she could make about her marriage, but he didn't think it was appropriate.

"He did it again." She suddenly said, getting his attention. “Actually, he never stopped doing it and he was never going to stop. And now she is pregnant.”

Blake thought he wouldn't be surprised at all with that conversation because he thought nothing about Gavin Rossdale could surprise him anymore, but that last thing she said took him by surprise, he couldn't deny it. 

Even though he wanted to curse that man and tell Gwen everything he really thought about Gavin, Blake just took one of her hands and held it between his, like it was a silent support. 

"I'm so sorry." He said quietly at last.

She shrugged and sighed. “I don't feel anything anymore. Remember when I told you I was getting used to it? I think I got used to it.”

"He doesn't deserve you." Blake said honestly. 

"Oh please." Gwen rolled her eyes. “You and Jen need to stop this. Who deserves me then? Who is this saint?”

"I don't know, I just—" He tried to say, but she interrupted him.

“I am not a saint either. I am difficult and demanding. Pretty high maintenance and... Well, you should know, you were with me in that bathroom. I make my mistakes too.”

"Yes, but—" Blake tried again, but Gwen started to interrupt him another time, so this time he had to use one hand to cover her mouth. “Shhh! I'm trying to speak.” 

Gwen pushed his hand away. “Oh, you are so annoying!" But she laughed.

Blake, on the other hand, was serious. "When Miranda cheated on me with men I personally knew, I blamed myself." He said, making her pay attention and get serious too. “I told myself that I was an absent husband because of my career, that I should have devoted more of my time to her, that I should have seen the signs, drank less, given in more, all these things.”

Gwen reached out a hand to caress his face. She felt uneasy just hearing him say those things, because she knew exactly how he felt. She was feeling it at that moment. 

“Do you think it's fair?” He whispered to ask her, slightly paralyzed by her touch, but still trying to make a point.

"I— No, it's not fair." Gwen answered quickly, without having to think too much. “You are a good man, Blake. If she cheated on you, it's not your fault.” She took her hand off his face, but was still looking at him.

“Hm. Really?" He frowned when looking back at her. 

“What?” But she soon understood where he was getting at. "Oh no, but the situation is completely different."

"Is it?" Blake continued to joke with confused expressions this time.

“Shut up.” Gwen laughed and pushed at his chest. 

Blake laughed too and watched as she leaned against the back of the couch.

"So he has the kids today?" He asked.

"Yes. It is the first time since everything happened. He isn’t really talking to me since I told him to leave, so he asked my brother if he could spend the day with the kids today. It's Friday, so I let them go.” Gwen was looking at Blake as she spoke. She was grateful that she wasn't alone that night and that he was keeping her company, because she thought Jen certainly couldn't stand her anymore and she definitely deserved a night off. “They are very confused, and they keep asking about their father and I don't know what to say anymore. He left me to deal with that too.”

"And I bet letting the kids go wasn’t easy." Blake also leaned against the back of the couch to look at her from a better angle. 

"No." Gwen confessed and sighed, but he saw when her eyes filled with tears, even when she blinked and cleared her throat, trying to hide it. “When you bring children into this world and completely dedicate your life to them, you don’t think that one day something will happen and it will make you stay away from them, even for a couple of days or so, when they are still so young.” She sniffed.

Blake brushed a strand of hair off her face. "I can imagine, actually." He whispered. "It's all I have been thinking about."

Then suddenly Gwen realized that he was right. She was talking about her children and how difficult it was to stay away from them, but if that baby was his, he would probably have to spend a lot of time away from that child and probably miss all the important things that would happen. She couldn't even imagine how it must hurt to even think about that.

“We will figure it out, ok?” She tried to say anything that could make him feel better. “You won’t have to stay away. I can’t do this by myself anyway. I thought I could, but I can’t.”

"Hey, you're not alone, remember?" Blake reminded her. “I’m here for anything you need, I told you I want to stay by your side.”

Gwen felt so good and so bad at the same time. She wanted to find a way to express that to him, but couldn’t. "But I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. You have your life to live too.”

Blake thought about that for a moment, before clearing his throat. “Oh I don't feel sorry for you. I am sure you will do just fine, maybe you will just need a bottle of vodka in the end of every night.” He shrugged. 

She chuckled. "You’re kind of good at it."

“Huh? I’m good at what?” Blake asked, also unable to hold a half chuckle.

“Making me laugh. Making me feel better.” Gwen listed, but it wasn't everything. "Making me like you." She looked at him with a brief smile. 

He was also looking at her, inside her eyes, trying to find out what that last sentence meant. Blake so badly wanted to have the power to magically decipher her sometimes. He raised one hand to her face and touched her cheek the way she had done to him before. Blake ran his fingertips so gently over her skin that Gwen wanted to snuggle up to him and close her eyes, to catch up on all the sleep she lost in the past few weeks, right there, in his arms.

"Can I ask a question about the baby?" He asked quietly, almost as if he knew she wished she could close her eyes and rest.

"Yes." Gwen consented. "Whatever you want."

"Do I have at least a 50% change of being the father?" Blake asked at once, before he changed his mind. That question had been disturbing him since Adam asked and he thought he should know.

"How do you measure that?" She reacted the same way he had reacted when asked.

“I don’t know." Blake really didn't know. "Is he more likely than I to have made this child? I mean, did he have more chances?” He didn’t know how to ask that and was really afraid he would offend her.

Gwen paid attention to the question and didn’t treat it as silly, because it really wasn’t what it seemed to him. She had to think about it before she understood that he was talking about the number of times.

“No.” Gwen replied as soon as she understood. "It's 50/50." She said, but she also felt like explaining a little more so Blake would be sure. “Gavin was out of town. He came back the night before, quite late. We spent the morning together. At night I found out that he was cheating on me. On the same day." She told him.

Blake listened carefully as he still continued to caress her face lightly. He didn’t know before, but upon listening to her, he realized it was a delicate subject and did not want to distract her, so he said nothing, only stayed very attentive to what she wanted to share with him.

“So I often wish this baby is yours. Because thinking that my baby may have been made that day just kills me.” He continued to watch her and show his support through his affection, but he could see the tears filling her eyes again. “I prefer that it was made in the bathroom at that party. It hurts less.” The lump in her throat tightened and her voice became weak. “But yes, to answer your question, you have a 50% chance, if it is due to the number of times.”

"Ok, it was just a silly question. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Blake lowered the hand that caressed her face to squeeze her shoulder, because he didn't really know what to do.

Gwen ended up giving in to her urge to snuggle up to him, and leaned forward slightly to lay her head on Blake's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight when she started crying softly.

“It’s ok. I got you.” He hugged her like that until she cried all she needed to cry. He didn’t judge, he didn’t try to make her stop, he only comforted her. 

And she appreciated him even more after that. 

  


***

  


"How was Gavin's day with the kids on Friday?" Jen asked as she took Apollo’s bag from Gwen's shoulders.

The boy would stay with his aunt and Leo while she spent the day working and the older ones were already in school. "Oh, you look so good."

"Thanks." Gwen laughed. She wasn't overdressed, but she wasn't wearing the casual and comfortable clothes she usually wore before getting ready on set. She was wearing a light jean pants and a ruffle, one shoulder, floral top, with high-heeled sandals. “Gavin is not speaking to me, so I don’t really know, but King said it was fun. They went to the park and went out for dinner.” She shrugged. 

"Gavin sucks, he’s the worst kind of asshole." Jen covered Apollo's ears to say that. She had been getting worse about her Gavin hate, but it was understandable. 

“I agree, but forget about Gavin. At least he’s interested in his own children.” Gwen shook her head as she fixed her top in front of a full-length mirror in the hall.

"Hm." Jen just watched her. "And you are getting all dressed up to spend the day with Blake, aren’t you?"

Gwen turned to look at her. “What? No! It’s work, I’m going to work.” That was an automatic response, but soon Gwen giggled. “Ok, maybe. I had a crazy dream about him tonight.”

“Oh my God!" Jen covered Apollo's ears again. “A sex dream? Ok, I'm going to put Apollo in there and you're going to tell me all about it.”

Gwen laughed. "I can't, Jen, I'm going to be late." 

She approached her sister-in-law and placed a long kiss on her son's face, then hugged her. "It doesn't matter, it was just a silly dream."

"I can see on your face that it was hot." Jen laughed. "You are still thinking about it."

"I have to go, Jen." Gwen was still laughing when she turned to leave the house. 

“Team Blake!” Jen yelled at her, just to make her giggle one more time.

“Shut up!” She yelled back and closed the door, but if she was very honest, she would have to say that Jen was right. 

Gwen couldn’t stop thinking about that dream she had with Blake since she woke up. And it wasn't exactly a dream, it was a vivid memory of what they had, and it wasn’t just affecting her head, it was affecting her entire body.

The first thing she did when she arrived at the location was to have a long meeting with the main producers of the show. Gwen said nothing about her messy life and the divorce she probably would have to face soon, but she did tell them about her pregnancy, because it could completely disrupt the logistics of the show. Of course, this was not the ideal time for her to talk about that, especially since they were about to shoot the first day of the blinds that day.

The producers had no choice but to accept the situation and try to find a solution. The most obvious solution would be to end the show earlier that season, so that they would not be at risk of the baby being born before the finale, but there was a lot to technically fix for the show to end in early November instead of December. They would have to meet up with the whole team to solve that, but assured Gwen that she would remain on the show anyway, if she wanted to. And of course, she wanted to, Gwen really needed that job to distract her at that moment, and being around people she liked would also help.

Speaking of people she liked, after the meeting she got ready for the show and met Blake, Adam and Pharrell at the common area. They had a whole day to spend together. 

The morning was normal, the boys had the usual jokes among themselves and the crowd watching was energetic, but the afternoon was a little different. After Blake spent the entire lunch hour in Gwen's trailer, she went back to having deep thoughts about the dream she had had with him that night and the reality that they had already lived too.

The second part of the workday was adorned with thousands of small flirtations between Gwen and Blake, all very subtle and discrete, but that gradually fed the fire inside of her without anyone noticing. She was able to control herself and act normal for most of it, until, at the end of the day, they had to tape the coaches' performance, and watching Blake sing his version of "Don't Speak" was like pouring gas on a runaway truck and setting it on fire just to see it explode.

At the end of the presentation, Gwen was fully aware that her cheeks were flushed and that she could no longer stand the heat in that studio. To make matters worse, Blake made an extra effort to hug her — with his big, strong arms — and squeezed her waist slightly.

Gwen cringed to the opposite side and tried to escape from him, or she would never be able to let him go.

"Cut!" When the director screamed that, she dodged them all and walked away, leaving the stage directly to the backstage. 

"Oh my god, what happened to the air conditioning?" She stopped beside the table that contained several water bottles and took one. 

Gwen was feeling weird, if she was honest, she was not used to feeling that way, but it was probably just the pregnancy: double the amount of blood running through her veins and a mess of hormones.

She opened the bottle of water and took many sips of it, trying to see if it had any effect on the fire she felt burning inside of her.

"I loved the way you sang my song" She was startled and almost spit out the water when Blake's voice came from somewhere behind her, but she tried her best to disguised it. “Your voice is so different, so iconic. Maybe you should record all my songs, I won’t be complaining.”

Gwen just watched him as Blake spoke, but honestly, she didn’t hear a single word he said, because she was too busy looking at his lips and imagining herself drinking them up, or running her eyes all over his tall and strong body. 

Someone bumped her arm with their shoulder as they passed by and Gwen didn't even realize who that was, but before she knew, Blake was calling out whoever it was. “Hey, did you see that you bumped into her when you passed by? You shouldn’t walk around bumping into people. You should apologize!”

Whoever bumped into Gwen didn't even seem to realize that he was being yelled at, but she noticed that too well. It made her bite her bottom lip as she tried to ward off the malicious thoughts that went through her mind. She didn’t know what was wrong with her, but even the way Blake fought with someone for bumping into her was causing her the strangest feelings. 

"You are so hot." Gwen said quietly, letting a long sigh escape her lips and feeling her cheeks burn even more.

Blake was still looking in the direction of the person who had bumped into her, but he looked back at her immediately when he heard that. "What?" 

She used both hands to hide her flushed face. "Nothing. Bye.”

And then Gwen turned around to run away from him again. Blake tried to reach her, but she was faster and someone stopped to talk to him, so he ended up deciding that it was better not to insist on that subject there. He would have to ask her later. 

Gwen headed for the coaches' trailer area, and when she got there, she ended up running into Vickie, who was sitting on the hangout couches as if she was invited to be there, or maybe was expecting someone.

“Oh god, no.” Gwen whispered quietly so that no one would hear. 

"Hey Gwen!" The reporter started waving and got up from the couch.

"Hi Vickie." Gwen quickly looked around, but if she wanted to get to her trailer, she would have to go through the other woman. 

"Have you seen Blake?" Vickie asked, still from a distance.

"Of course I did." Gwen said. What kind of question was that even? She had just spent the whole day with him. 

She went in the other direction and the only door that could shelter her on that side was the common bathroom. "He must be on his way." Bathroom would have to do, because Vickie was already approaching her.

Gwen came in and locked the door. It was a very small bathroom with just a toilet and a counter with a sink and a mirror. A few steps back and that was it. It was clean, at least, but it didn't matter, she just needed water.

Gwen opened the bottle that was still in her hands and drank the rest of the water, then she turned the sink on and wet both hands, bringing them to her face because she still felt like she was burning inside.

“Ok, enough with that. You can control it. It’s ridiculous.” She said to herself through the mirror, as if she was having a conversation with someone. 

Then Gwen wiped her face and hands and took a deep breath before opening the door again.

"Wait, Blake, Gwen is—" The reporter's voice was the first she heard.

"I can't talk now, Vickie, I'll be right back." Blake's body collided with hers at the door and when he realized who it was, he just wrapped his arm around Gwen's waist and held her tightly against his body while guiding her carefully back inside, as if he didn’t have to make any effort to move her in the bathroom with him.

“Blake?" Gwen lifted her head to look at him when they were safe inside and the door was back closed, but it was a very bad idea. They were very close, his irregular breath brushed against her face and she felt her legs wobble.

“Sorry, I need a minute to organize my thoughts and think about what to say to her or I will end up—" Gwen covered his mouth with one of her hands.

"Stop talking." She bit her bottom lip hard and reached down to his shirt to hold it tight, crumpling the fabric inside her closed fist. 

Her hungry eyes were staring deep inside of his confused blue ones. She had tried hard, but she just couldn't control herself anymore, so she pulled Blake closer to her until their lips crashed together. His hands immediately grabbed her waist and Blake kissed her back intensely when Gwen made her way between his lips with her tongue so she could savor him and satisfy her thirst. 

They turned their heads in perfect harmony as their bodies brushed against one another. He took steps forward, pushing her until they crashed into the bathroom wall. 

Gwen broke the kiss to let out a breathless moan when his body pressed against hers.

It was enough to wake him up. 

“What are you doing?" Blake asked, as breathless as she was.

"I don't know, but I want you." Her mouth hunted his and she sucked on his lower lip. “I need you.” She rolled her hips, brushing between his legs to tease him.

"No. We should stop." Blake said, even though he didn’t want to stop. He took a brief step back and held one of her shoulders with one hand. "We always ended up like this, attacking each other in a bathroom and then regretting it." 

She froze. “Regretting it?” 

“How many times did you say that night was a mistake? You said that to me Friday, at my house. You said you make your mistakes too. That’s not what I want." Blake sighed and took more steps back.

Gwen looked at him, still paralyzed. "I didn't mean it, I—" She interrupted her own thinking because she wasn’t sure of what to say. “You don't want it?" She pointed at herself, without even realizing it. “I feel so stupid. I'm sorry.” Gwen dodged him to get out of the corner of the bathroom. 

Blake held her arm. “Hey, that's not what I meant." 

But she was already turning the knob and opening the door. The bathroom was really small and it was suffocating her. 

As soon as the outside was visible, she came face to face with Vickie again, so close that she even seemed to have been listening behind the door. 

“Hey, are you ok, Gwen?" She asked, in a concerned tone.

Gwen cleared her throat. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?” 

Blake came up behind her. Vickie looked at him before answering. “It's just cause Blake told me you are pregnant. I heard it’s really bad in the beginning. I hope you're feeling ok." 

Gwen felt the color disappear from her face at once and she even felt dizzy. She turned her neck and her eyes looked for Blake's. He saw clearly that she had a shocked and disturbed expression and was probably misunderstanding it all. He also noticed when Gwen's eyes filled with tears, a second before she turned and faced the floor. 

"I need to go. Hm, excuse me."

"Gwen?" Blake tried to go after her, but some people around were already looking at them and that exposure had already been terrible for Gwen, he didn't want to make things worse, so he stood there and just watched as she headed for her trailer alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no.


	11. Take a chance cause you might grow

Blake sighed nervously, still watching Gwen walk away and leave them behind. He just couldn't believe that everything had gone so wrong so suddenly. It was as if he was experiencing a roller coaster full of highs and lows, the biggest one of his life so far, and it wasn’t comfortable at all. He hated crazy roller coasters. What seemed like an ordinary workday that he would spend with people he liked, ended in unexpected confessions, Vickie's uncomfortable presence, a hot kiss from Gwen in the bathroom and then all that misunderstanding and unwanted revelations. Blake's head seemed like it would explode at any moment, he just wanted some peace, but it was to be expected that he would only have that when he was as far away from Los Angeles as possible.

Adam, who had watched part of the troubled situation happening, decided to approach them. “What happened, Blake?" He asked, somewhat concerned and only paying attention to his friend, who seemed confused and upset.

Blake understood that what happened between the 3 of them and seemed so private was actually very noticeable, even from a distance, as well as Gwen’s surprised and sad facial expressions. 

He was about to respond when Vickie was faster. “Are you sure she is ok? She didn't seem well.” She asked. “Did you fight? I thought you were friends.”

Adam looked at Blake and the expression on his face said something like: _‘what is she doing here?’_

“We are friends.” Blake stated, deeply sighing. "It's going to be ok, Adam, it was just a misunderstanding." He finally answered his friend.

"So you did fight then.” Vickie intruded again. "What were you doing in that bathroom?"

“Wow you really are a reporter, aren't you? You surely know how to ask a lot of questions.” Adam commented, shaking his head, but she didn't look offended, just confused.

Blake, on the other hand, looked exhausted. "Vickie, can I talk to you?" He asked. 

Adam decided that his presence there was no longer needed, so he just patted Blake on the shoulder and walked away. 

"Sure." Vickie consented. 

"In my trailer?" He asked, to make sure she agreed to go somewhere private. 

She nodded, so Blake motioned for her to go first. As soon as Vickie turned her back to him, Blake took a few steps back and pulled Adam's arm. 

“Hey man, can you make sure that Gwen doesn’t leave without talking to me? I really need to fix the mess I made.” He asked his friend.

Adam honestly wanted to ask what had happened, but he knew that Blake wouldn't have time to explain at that moment, so he just nodded.

"Sure, I'll be watching, but don't take too long." He said. "And don't be stupid, you need to know what is most important to you."

Blake thought about it for a second. "I know what’s most important to me."

“Good man. Now go.” Adam patted his back before Blake walked away to his trailer.

Vickie was already waiting. She didn't open the trailer door and go in, on the contrary, she waited for him and only did so when Blake himself opened the door for her. He immediately noticed how her behavior went from very intrusive — when she was in Gwen’s presence — to more low-profile, almost subtle. 

"I don't think I've ever been inside one of these trailers." She said upon walking in, looking around to analyze the small environment.

"They are comfortable and private.” Blake was brief.

"How was your trip to Oklahoma?" Vickie asked, and went towards the couch when he motioned for her to do so.

“It was good. I really enjoy being home.” He sat down in the middle of the couch, right after her, and they were side by side.

"It's funny that you said home." She chuckled, crossing her long skinny legs and starting to feel comfortable again. "Anyone else would say that Los Angeles is home, especially when your job is here and you spend so much time here."

“Not me, I like to spend more time in Oklahoma, whenever I can. Los Angeles is just where part of my job is.” Blake shrugged. 

Vickie was silent, watching him with a smile. She admired him, in a way, but she didn't think that part of him was at all compatible with who she was. However, it didn't matter much to Vickie, Blake was a good and interesting man and she was very physically attracted to him. That was enough. She leaned forward a little, getting closer to him, and her lips suddenly brushed against his. 

It was enough to get too close, so it made Blake lean back.

"Did you do that on purpose?" His features were serious when he looked at her, and Vickie leaned back a little too, frowning.

"Do what? Try to kiss you?” She asked. “I didn't think it was a big deal. We had an ‘almost’ date and we've been talking for a few weeks now. We said we were going to try, right? I thought we had come here for this.”

“No, that's not what I’m talking about.” Blake almost interrupted her, but he was trying really hard to be patient. “What you said to Gwen. Did you do it on purpose?"

"What?" Vickie seemed confused again. “About her pregnancy? I didn't think it was a secret, I just wanted to show I cared. I figured I would be around her a lot since we’re hanging out and you’re the one going the extra mile to help her with that, for some reason.”

“I didn't tell Gwen that I told you about the pregnancy and I wasn't expecting you to tell anyone about it." Blake explained. “It’s not a secret, it’s a private matter. I told you out of consideration, since I had to leave in the middle of the date for that and ended up not explaining myself."

"I understand, Blake, but there was no way for me to know it was such a private thing, you didn't say anything. She’s married, she has 3 other kids, I didn’t think another child would be such a big deal.” Vickie seemed a little impatient. “You can't expect me to pretend I don’t know about something you told me when you never said it was a deep dark secret." She crossed her arms. 

"Ah, I think Adam is right, you're really good at your job. Gossip is definitely not a problem, huh?" He fired.

There was a quick, uncomfortable silence.

"Well, that was unfair." She accused him.

Blake sighed. “It was. I'm so sorry." He knew she was completely right and the reason why he was so impatient was that he knew it was all his fault and it made him even more mad. He ran his hands through his hair restlessly. "I think we started out with the wrong foot and have been going the wrong way ever since, Vickie."

Vickie nodded in agreement. "I agree. But we can still fix this, can't we? I think you're a nice guy, Blake.”

_NO_ — his own head screamed at him. He found himself wanting to dig a hole to bury himself again.

“What I mean is that my life is very messed up right now, Vickie. If we're going the wrong way, it's not your fault, it's my fault.” He explained himself. 

She nodded, showing some understanding. "Is it the divorce?" Vickie asked, as always asking the questions that Blake least wanted to answer. "Do you still like her?"

“No, I don't like her." He confessed, but felt like it was a statement that could be understood in many wrong ways, so maybe he was saying something that he shouldn't say to a reporter. “I don't like her that way, this is over. It's just that there's so much going on in my life right now, you have no idea.”

Vickie rested an hand on his shoulder. "You can share, Blake, no one should be carrying these heavy things alone." She said, but then sighed. “I know you are probably afraid because of what I do for a living, but like any normal person, I know how to separate things. I can be a good friend." 

Blake immediately felt very bad. “I'm sorry, Vickie, putting you in the middle of this mess was wrong and I think it’s unfair to you. I think we should stop here, before it becomes a worse disaster.”

She nodded slowly, as if she was still assimilating what that meant. “Ok, I figured it would happen when you started running away from me." Vickie accepted, and Blake wanted to apologize again, but thought it would sound really repetitive and probably annoying. "I think I'm going to leave then."

She stood up, adjusting the dress she was wearing and waving quickly at him. Blake waved back, completely uncomfortable and not knowing what to do with himself.

“Blake?" Vickie turned to him again when she was almost at the door. “Why did you say yes to the date if you knew your life was too messed up for a romantic interest?" She questioned, again with the worst questions in the worst moments.

He thought about it, but his head felt like almost exploding again, trying to find an answer that wasn't a complete lie or that didn't expose other people.

"Honestly, I'm not sure, Vickie." He tried to be honest, but he knew he would let her down, because that question was a very valid one in his opinion. The real answer that was circulating in his mind was simple: He was a jerk to her when he said yes to that date. "I am going through phases, sometimes I want to embrace the world and run after everything I want and think I deserve, other times I don't even feel like getting out of bed." Blake's honesty again passed the acceptable point for that conversation, so he stopped himself before he said too much. "But I keep going and I hope I will get my life together sometime soon." 

At that moment she nodded.

“I understand." Vickie said. “Thank you for being honest. The friendship offer is still up.” She smiled at him.

Blake smiled back. “Oh, hey." He called as soon as she was about to open the door again. “Can I ask you not to mention anything about Gwen's pregnancy to anyone? It's her thing, I don't want it to end up in people's mouths because of me. I really care about her.”

It took her a couple of seconds thinking, but Vickie nodded in agreement. “Sure. But if you care about her, you should go talk to her now.” She even advised him.

“I will." Blake guaranteed it. “Thank you.” And she finally opened the trailer door and left. 

He thought about that whole conversation they had and decided that he urgently needed to get his life together, and that was the first step. Clarifying things with Vickie and getting her out of that mess was the least Blake thought he could do for her after he put her in that position by not being careful enough with other people’s feelings. Now he had to do the same for Gwen, in a different way.

He stood up and straightened his button-down shirt before taking enough courage to leave the trailer too.

The common area, around the trailers, was still very busy with people coming and going. He saw Adam and Pharrell talking ahead, near the couches, but went straight to Gwen's trailer door. Blake knocked, but no one answered. He knocked again and got the same results.

"I think they left." A young guy on the crew, who was passing by, told him. He was talking about Gwen and her team. “She left in the same outfit, she never does that, I think she was in a hurry."

"Thank you." Blake thanked him absently. That was enough to drive him crazy and make his heart hurt.

He turned quickly to go towards Adam and Pharrell.

"I can't believe you let her go, Adam." He quickly found someone else to blame for his mistakes, simply because it was getting harder and harder for Blake to deal with all of that being his own fault.

"Sorry, I tried. What was I supposed to do, tie her to me?” Adam said. "She was upset and nothing made her want to stay, or talk." He explained himself. “Maybe you should leave this conversation for another day. Give her some space for tonight.”

“Are you guys fighting?" Pharrell asked, completely unaware. “Please, Blake, you out of everybody should know what she’s going through now.” 

"I do!” Blake wanted to scream. The guilt was suffocating him. “I can't leave the conversation for another day, I made a big mistake." He insisted. “Every minute that goes by without me explaining everything to her is making it worse. Her head will come to the wrong conclusion very soon, if it hasn't already.” 

He took his phone out of his pocket and quickly found Gwen's name on recent calls. Blake wasn’t going to wait, it didn’t matter what anybody else thought. Adam and Pharrell just watched, with tense and confused expressions, respectively. It rang until it went to voicemail. 

“Fuck!" Blake cursed loudly.

"Now what?" Adam was starting to feel like it was a bigger deal than he initially thought.

"Now I have to go find her." Blake put the phone back in his pocket and started to walk away from them. 

"How?" His friend asked out loud. 

“I don't know, but I will find a way. I'll start with the obvious places.” Blake waved quickly and ran outside, hoping to find the driver ready to go as soon as he got out.

  


***

  


Gwen took the car keys, ready to drive to Jen's house and pick up her kids. It would be a very busy week with all The Voice tapings that would last all day and make Gwen only have the night to spend with her children, but it would only be a week and the boys were enjoying spending more time with their cousins.

As soon as she turned around and went toward the door, the doorbell rang loudly, echoing throughout the house and made her freeze in place. Gwen was not expecting anyone and the first thing she thought was that it was probably an unexpected visit from Gavin. She had been waiting for him to show up by surprise to talk to her since he left, because she knew him very well and was really used to how Gavin acted. He always walked away after a serious fight and used to deprive her of his presence for days, sometimes weeks, waiting for her to miss him, then when everything was almost forgotten, he came back as if nothing had happened and manipulated her into thinking everything was ok and it wasn’t worth a fight.

But unlike any other time, Gwen wasn’t missing him this time. She had already endured a lot and reached a point where she couldn’t stand to look at him after all he had put her through. She just wanted to be far away from him. But she missed the comfort of having someone at home to be with the kids, someone who would take her older boys to school and stay home with Apollo when she was at work. She missed going home and being greeted with hugs from her sons, without having to pick them up at someone's home. But it had nothing to do with Gavin. If she was missing that comfort, then she didn't miss her husband, she missed the nannies. But she wasn’t backing down on that yet. 

Gwen approached the door and looked through the long rectangular window to the side. Her legs tremble slightly when she saw that it was not Gavin outside, it was Blake.

She had been ignoring his calls since she left the set, but she didn't think, not even for a minute, that he would ever show up at her door. 

Gwen opened the door quickly and stuck only her head out. "Blake? What are you doing here?" 

“You won’t answer the freaking phone.” He sighed. He seemed really distressed. "Please, I need to talk to you."

“I really don't want to talk right now." Gwen walked away from the door and Blake took the opportunity to step inside and close it.

She was expecting him to do that. 

"Please, let me explain." He followed her inside. "I didn't tell her anything the way you're thinking or for whatever reason is in your head."

"Why did you tell her then?” Gwen stopped when they got to the living room and turned towards him. “Is she your girlfriend? Are you guys that serious?” She asked, but her stomach clenched and Gwen felt her nose sting again, as if she was going to cry. But that was what she least wanted to do, so she took a deep breath and held her nose bridge, squeezing it tight. "Let's just forget about that, Blake."

"I can’t just leave it alone. I need you to understand.” Blake sighed. He could tell that she was upset and about to cry and was thinking exactly all the wrong things he knew she would think. "She is not my girlfriend, this is not serious at all. I had to tell her to justify the way I left the date that day.”

“You told her because of that? You exposed me, Blake!” Gwen sighed and turned her back to him.

“I know, I was stupid and I'm sorry." Blake sighed too. He really wanted her to forgive because they were getting really close and he was starting to think she trusted him, but he wasn't going to lie to her. “Gwen, I know I joke about lying all the time, but I'm not really good at lying. I know I should have just omitted it and said that I needed to help a friend that night, but I ended up just saying it. I really suck at these things and I hate hurting people.” He explained, and even if it wasn't enough, at least he was honest. “I hate hurting you even more.”

"You can’t lie?" Gwen turned to him again. She felt very bad because she became very comfortable with lies within the past few years and she wasn’t proud of that.

"I can do it, I just don't like it." Blake approached her, but she took a step back and shook her head. “I spoke to Vickie. She won't tell anyone about your pregnancy, she understands how serious it is and would never do such a thing. She is a good person. It just won't work between me and her.” 

Gwen was staring at the floor, but she looked up to stare at him. “It won’t?"

"No." Blake confirmed and he took a firm step forward, this time she didn't back up. “I told her it won’t work."

“You broke up with her?" She felt her throat go dry.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly a relationship, but yes.” He confirmed again. "And about what happened in the bathroom—"

"Oh no, please." Gwen took steps back again. “I'm pregnant, Blake, that was the hormones. Stupid pregnancy hormones, that's all.”

“See? That's what you do, you attack me and then you back down because you regret it.” He accused her. “But I'm not going to let you run and hide for months again, so we're going to talk about it."

“Don't accuse me of regretting it when you said you don't want it!" She shot back.

“I didn’t mean that!" Blake shook his head and defended himself. "I didn't have time to explain cause running away is your favorite thing to do now, so let me explain.”

“You don’t have to.” Gwen left the angry voice tone aside for a more understanding one. “I know that it is very complicated. It's very complicated, isn't it? We are not in a relationship, but we will possibly have a baby together. We are trying to do this the best possible way because we are friends, but this is not normal, it’s a strange situation and the two of us having sex again would only make things worse and mess everything up even more. I understand it.”

“No, you don't understand anything.” Blake took a step forward to get closer to her again, like he had been trying since he got there. "If I'm honest, I have to say I like you very much." Gwen was taken aback, she had to look up to look at him as Blake was speaking. “Almost too much to let you think I was rejecting you, or to accept this thing about us locking ourselves in bathrooms to be able to kiss. Don't get me wrong, the making out is great, but I don't want it to be that way because… well, because I like you.”

Gwen blinked and frowned. "You mean you are attracted to me?"

"No. I mean I really like you, I care about you.” Blake tried to explain it better. 

She looked even more confused. "Because I’m growing your baby, right? Well, probably.”

It was Blake's turn to frown. "No. Because of you, because of who you are.” He was so confused. “Yes, I think it’s amazing that you’re growing my baby.” He ignored the fact that it was a possibility, since his mind was completely set on that baby being his most of the time, and reached for her belly. He just let his fingertips slowly caress her, over the thin fabric of her blouse. Gwen’s stomach butterflies woke up. “But I like you.”

They looked at each other for a few seconds while she still looked completely confused. "What do you mean, exactly?" She asked again, knowing it was probably stupid, but Gwen needed to be sure. Her head was a mess and she wasn’t able to believe whatever he was trying to say to her. 

Blake wasn't expecting to have to explain all that in the smallest details when he decided he had to go look for her and explain himself, but he accepted the challenge and took a deep breath. “What I mean is that I enjoy spending time with you, like we did at my house on Friday, or in your trailer at lunch. You know? When we are talking about simple things, nonsense and all kinds of other things. I like to make you laugh, because you aren’t doing it very often anymore, so when I'm the reason for your smile, oh man, it makes me feel so good.” He was explaining and her heart was completely melting. Gwen even felt like crying again. “I like to kiss you too. ” Blake came very close this time, one of his hands went up to her neck and he tangled his fingers in the hair behind her head. 

Gwen was already completely lost in his blue eyes. They were so intense that she thought she could drown in them. Blake leaned down and she tilted her head up. His lips brushed over Gwen's in a delicate and engaging way. She closed her eyes, completely giving in to him. Blake then pressed his mouth over hers, kissing her slowly as his tongue explored hers with intensity and almost in a familiar way. Gwen's arms wrapped around his neck and they rotated their heads in a rhythmic way, making their lips fit perfectly. 

That was the first real kiss they exchanged. It was calm and there was no urgency to get to any other point, without clothes being ripped off and without crazy hormones to influence that — even though they were still there. They were just enjoying and exploring each other without haste.

But Blake soon broke the kiss. 

Gwen thought she was going to collapse when his face moved away from hers, but one of Blake's arms continued to wrap tightly around her waist, keeping her pressed against his body.

“Do you feel this? It's not about bathroom walls, or sex, it's more than that.” He said in a very undertone. 

Gwen was still with her eyes closed when she sighed, but she opened them to stare at him. "I like you too." She whispered to confess, and felt safe and completely exposed at the same time. 

That phrase came out so unintentionally and so naturally that it scared her. 

“But this is still very complicated. Maybe we shouldn't be talking about it.” As if something had turned on a switch inside of her, Gwen broke free from Blake’s embrace and took a few steps back. “You don’t want to be with me, Blake. This is just going to break us even more.”

"Hey, wait." Blake took a step forward and carefully held her arm so she wouldn’t run away. “I know, I’m scared too.” He confessed. "We don't need to talk about it, I just wanted to make it very clear." He held her chin up because Gwen seemed very interested in staring at the floor again, as she always did when she entered the shy Gwen mode after she started to overthink whatever they were doing and decided it was wrong. "We are friends, right? Let’s still be friends and just live in the moment."

She met his eyes and nodded slowly. "Ok, let's live in the moment."

Blake let her go again and then took a few steps back, giving her all the safe space she might need at that moment, but Gwen shortened the distance between them again and threw herself against his body almost as if she was already missing the warmth he emanated. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned forward to kiss the top of Gwen's head. 

She was quiet in his arms, curled up and comfortable, but feeling completely terrified at the same time. 

She still remembered how hugging used to be a strange act that for her was like giving away a piece of yourself that she didn't want them to take. But not when it came to Blake. When his arms wrapped around her, Gwen felt as if he was covering all of her wounds. She could even feel them slowly healing, and it was scary.

After a few seconds in silence, just inhaling her perfume as enjoying her company, Blake took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something? Maybe it’s crazy and too much, so it’s ok if you don't agree.” He asked. Insecurity and fear almost suffocated him.

Gwen lifted her head to look at him. "Yes." She whispered.

Looking deep into her dark eyes, Blake almost gave up on it, but he took another deep breath. “Can you tell Gavin that there is a possibility that the baby is mine?" As soon as the question left his lips, Blake felt stupid and as if he was violating her right to keep it a secret until they took the test. So he felt like he should say something else. “I want to be part of everything, I want to be there at all times. I don't know how long it will take for us to know for sure who the father is, but I don't want to miss anything in case it’s mine, and I don't want him to be able to keep me away. I want him to know I have the right to be there too.” He explained himself quickly.

Gwen felt a cold chill run through her body, even though she was still hugging Blake and pressed against his body in that intimate way. The thought of telling Gavin about having sex with Blake while they were on a break scared her a lot, and having to tell him that the baby she was expecting might not be his was even worse. She knew the insults she would have to take and the way he would treat her even worse than he already used to treat her. But it was fair, Gwen had promised Blake he would be involved in everything and she no longer had to fear Gavin.

It would be good for her unfaithful husband to know he might not be that baby’s father, after all, he had another baby to worry about and their marriage was already destroyed. Maybe that would even keep him away for longer. But she would certainly have to put up with a lot of insults, no doubt about that. 

“It's ok if you don't think it's something you should be doing. I don't want to force you. It was just a stupid thought.” Gwen realized that it took her many minutes thinking in silence, when Blake spoke again, probably scared because she was so quiet.

"No, I'm going to tell him." She said at last. "You deserve to be involved in everything you want to be until we’re sure, and he deserves to know that there’s a possibility this baby is not his."

"Are you sure?" Blake's arms were still tightly wrapped around Gwen's body.

"I'm sure." She nodded and looked down, laying her head comfortably on his chest. "I'm telling him."

Gwen's plans were to take the paternity test with Blake and wait for the results, and then to tell Gavin if she absolutely needed to, but she had just realized that that plan was only fair to her. It wasn’t fair to Blake, who would have to stay away and wait for the results to get involved, and it wasn't fair to Gavin, who so far had no idea that baby might not even be his — even though Gwen could hear Jen's voice scream in her head: Fuck Gavin — She wanted to be fair and didn't want to lie to anyone, so telling the truth was the best solution, even if it hurt.

The thought of how painful that would be made Gwen immediately snuggle up in Blake's arms. He noticed that and tilted his head down to place a long kiss on her forehead as he carefully tightened his arms around her body.


	12. I was drifting up then you pulled me in

The week of 'The Voice' taping went by faster than any other week that year for him. Blake had a great time at work for the first time since his life took a complete turn and he had to go through all the horrible turmoil of his marriage ending. Now he was finally no longer feeling depressed and completely like a failure, he was feeling free and full of possibilities.

Part of it was because of Gwen and her friendship, and all the promises that came with her presence in his life. Blake had to confess that it was weird to have a friend that he constantly wanted to be kissing, and it was almost impossible not to do that when they were alone, but it wasn't like they had a lot of time to be alone. The tapings took all day and, even during breaks, they were always surrounded by other people. And when it was over she had to go straight home, since the night was the only time she got to spend with her children, and her arrogant husband was not helping at all because he felt rejected by her.

The need Blake felt to take care of Gwen all the time was also something that was very new, and sometimes scared him, but at the same time he liked the fact that their friendship and work made it possible for them to spend a lot of time together and always check on each other. 

However, getting to know Gwen wasn’t the only exciting thing making Blake feel better lately, there was also the opportunity to be present to see the baby she was carrying being born and growing up, and imagine all the possibilities for a bright and happy future that child could have, and many of those could actually include him. The pregnancy still had 27 weeks to go, but it changed all the time from one week to the next. The morning sickness was starting to get better, just when Blake had learned to distract Gwen whenever she seemed to be getting really upset about that. On the other hand, she was constantly in a very bad mood in the mornings now, but as their day went by, that used to improve.

According to the internet, the baby was the size of a lemon and was forming many things at the same time. No wonder Gwen was always exhausted, her body worked for two and on top of that it was focused on making and growing a human being. But she still didn't look pregnant, and Blake was looking forward to seeing that change soon as well. 

He didn't even think about how there was a chance that the baby might not be his anymore, but by the end of that week, Gwen said she would tell Gavin about the possibility of him not being the father, and that could make that fact much more real for Blake too, especially if it dragged Gavin inside the bubble they had created for the baby. He didn’t even like to think about that.

It was a Saturday and Blake was enjoying the day off and finally giving some attention to his backyard again. He had spent all morning, since he woke up, organizing the shed and cleaning all the junk that was there. But around noon, he stopped to eat something. 

It was his first day away from Gwen that week, as they had worked Monday through Friday all day and spent that whole time together, and it was weird not knowing what she was doing, so he sent her a text message when he was heating his lunch. 

_It is unbelievable how hot this hell city can get. I spent the morning working in the only interesting place in LA, my backyard. How is your day going?_ — He typed, but soon put his phone away to pay attention to his food.

Blake was almost finished eating when he heard a loud door banging somewhere inside his house. He flinched and got up at once, because he was completely alone in his rented house, as always. He left the kitchen and living room area and headed towards the entrance. He was thinking that was probably the wind or something like that, which would explain it, but it seemed unrealistic, cause that was Los Angeles, California. 

Even before entering the entrance hall, all the mysterious noises were quickly explained when Blake came across someone else who was walking in. 

"What the hell are you doing here, Miranda?" He asked, completely annoyed. “I knew you had the key, give it back to me or I'll ask them to change the locks and you will have to stop this shit anyway."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Miranda was clearly infuriated and she hurried to get to him so she could push at his chest. “If I call, you have to answer!"

Blake was taken aback and at first he thought she was drunk, but when she came towards him like that, he realized that it was only hate that was really moving her. 

“Hey, stop it.” He stepped back, away from her. “I'm not going to answer your calls, I don't want to talk to you and I don’t have to anymore.”

“One of my sources told me you are fucking a stupid young reporter. Is that why you think you’re the good shit now?” Miranda started to tell him, still sounding furious. “They said she’s always in your fucking trailer. I know who she is and I will take care of her.”

He was somewhat relieved that that was what she thought was happening in his life. “Oh fuck that. So what? What do you want this time?"

“Nothing!” She screamed at him, Blake took some steps back. “I'm here just to laugh at you and remind you that you are a fucking loser." She let out a exaggerated fake laugh.

He felt a strong urge to grab her arm and throw her out of his house, but he would never do that. He wanted to get mad and yell at her too, but decided it wasn't worth it. Finally, he thought about poor Vickie, since clearly Miranda was talking about her, and how she would probably get the worst out of it all, so he decided to simply deny whatever that source of hers was saying.

“I'm not fucking any reporter. Your source gave you the wrong information.” He said, trying to protect Vickie.

“Oh I think you are.” Miranda came close enough again and Blake had to step back once more. At that point they were almost in the living room. 

“Enough, Miranda.” He deeply sighed. “I still don’t know why you think you have to come here all the time.”

She looked at him with a furious stare, like she wanted to kill him with it. “I had to come here to tell you that you won’t be happy with anyone, Blake, cause you’re a piece of shit. I cheated on you for a long time in that fucking horrible marriage and you know why? Because I couldn't stand you anymore, I felt disgusted whenever you touched me, I wanted to be with any man other than you.” She pointed her finger at his face as she was saying all that in a heavy and decisive way. 

Blake really wanted to be unaffected by all of that, but he couldn't help the strong uncomfortable feeling he felt. He also didn't want to believe a single word of what she said, because it was obvious that Miranda was being moved by her newest discovery of Blake's alleged affair with the reporter and it seemed more like an undue jealousy attack than anything else, but he couldn't help but analyze every single thing she said and wonder what was just the temporary anger and what was her true feeling about him finally coming out. 

And it was sad, at the very least, to know that those were possible feelings she had when they were still married. Blake felt even more like a complete failure. 

The truth was that she only wanted to hurt him, so when faced with his lack of reaction, Miranda soon was looking for more ways to make sure she would do just that. “You suffocate people and take away all the good they have until they feel destroyed just like you are. Just hearing your voice when you were close to me made me want to disappear, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was so done with you, I hated you so much, I can’t even tell. So it won't be long before the same thing happens to this stupid little reporter or whoever you’re fucking now. She will hate you and be disgusted by you just like me.” 

Blake felt many horrible feelings building up inside of him again as he heard her talking. Miranda was always aggressive in that way when they fought and always said many offensive things, but cursing and shouting didn't come close to hurting him the way those words were getting to do. No, he didn't expect anything good from her anymore, but he also didn't expect to hear things like that about a time when they were still together and when he thought he would have a lifetime with her by his side. It may be that their marriage had taken a terrible turn, but Blake had tried very hard to the last drop.

“I think you should go now.” He said in an undertone, wishing she would just leave, but knowing she wouldn’t until he was completely destroyed again. That was what she liked to do.

“Did you really think I didn't want to have sex with you because I was tired or had a headache all the time like that? I didn't want you because I was disgusted just thinking about you and just looking at you, so I had sex with all the guys I wanted right under your nose and you were so stupid that it took you a fucking long time to notice.” She stopped to catch her breath, because she was speaking so fast and with such rage that she could barely breathe between words and phrases.

Blake was the one to approach her this time. He grabbed her arm. “Enough!” He didn’t yell, the words barely slipped through his closed teeth. 

“Oh are you going to hurt me now?” Miranda teased, but it was enough to make him let go of her. “Yeah, I thought so. You’re not even man enough to fucking deal with me.”

“Leave!” He went back to the hall and opened the front door. “I never want to see your face again.”

“But you will.” She made sure he knew that as she approached him and the open door. Before leaving, Miranda stood right in front of him and looked into his eyes. “Are you fucking Gwen Stefani too?”

Blake felt a shiver going up his spine. "What?"

“The car that was here that day was hers, I know that." She explained it just to make sure he knew she really had her sources.

“Please, leave Gwen out of this. She is my friend and has nothing to do with your mess.” He frowned. 

Miranda stared at him deeply, as if she was trying to pull the truth out of his soul, but then she finally shrugged. "It doesn’t matter. You are pathetic, Blake, nobody will ever really love a pitiful man like you. We are all better off without you.” 

She stepped out and Blake slammed the door shut before she could think of turning around again. 

  


***

  


"You have to bring them back before 9pm. Apollo's bedtime is around 8, don't screw this up." Gwen heard Jen speak, but didn't pay much attention because she was smiling and reading a text from Blake.

She had gotten that text about an hour before, but she had spent all morning getting the kids ready to spend the day with Gavin again, and she wasn’t able to get to her phone until that moment, when the boys' father had finally arrived to pick them up.

Kingston was packing some last minute items in his backpack upstairs and Zuma was helping, so they were sitting in the living room and waiting. Well, Gavin was sitting on one couch with Apollo in his arms and Jen was sitting on the other, staring at him with a scowl. Gwen was actually standing, leaning against the wall and playing with her cell phone for the first time that day. 

_The morning was chaotic, as always, but we survived. The kids are leaving soon._ — She typed and sent it, with a sad emoji. 

“Make sure Zuma drinks a lot of water, and no nannies, Gavin. If you know what I mean.” Jen taunted him.

"Why does she have to be here, Gwen?" Gavin was irritated, but she paid no attention to him. “I know how to take care of my kids.”

“I’m here because you are an asshole. I am making sure you will leave Gwen alone.” Jen was not intimidated to answer his question. 

Gwen was going to intervene, but her cell phone started to ring and she saw Blake's name on the display and got completely distracted. She really wanted to be able to answer it, but she let it ring until it went to voicemail because she knew that doing that in front of Gavin was a very bad idea.

"Don't say that kind of stuff in front of my kids, Jen.” Gavin gave her a warning.

“Aw, poor thing." Jen mocked him. "Too bad you forgot you had kids and a wife before you fucked other women."

"Jenny!" Gwen intervened this time, but just enough to make them stop for a little while, because they seemed like two stubborn children.

The truth was that she was staring at the new voicemail notification on her phone. Her two oldest children were still upstairs, the adults in the room started pecking at each other again, so Gwen took a deep breath and bit her bottom lip, deciding she couldn’t wait to hear whatever Blake's message said.

She took the phone to her ear. "Hey." The recording said. Only that greeting made Gwen's heart sink. There was something different about his voice. "I know you're probably busy, I just wanted to... I don't know what I wanted." It was sadness. She could hear the deep sadness in his voice and it made her heart beat faster and painfully. It was obvious that something had happened between the text he had sent earlier and that call. “I guess we’ll talk later. Bye." That was all.

She immediately felt an urge to know if Blake was ok and she would have to look into his eyes to make sure. The anxiety was almost eating her alive.

"King, Zums, hurry up." Gwen approached the staircase to call them. "Daddy needs to go."

Gavin looked at her with confused facial expressions, because he hadn't said anything about having to leave soon. 

"It’s ok, I can wait." He said to her.

"No, you can't, you need to go, I have an appointment." She explained, but again barely paying any attention to him. 

Gwen leaned back against the wall and typed a quick text — _I'm coming over._

Blake didn’t read and didn’t reply, but the boys were soon coming down the stairs with their backpacks and ready to spend the day with their father. 

She would have plenty of time to check on Blake as soon as they left.

  


***

  


Gwen was very anxious and worried when she rang the doorbell outside Blake's rented house. She waited, but nothing happened, so she rang it again.

“It's open." Blake's deep voice came from somewhere inside, so Gwen turned the knob and went inside, closing the door behind her.

It was a very hot day in Los Angeles and she was wearing a T-shirt and denim overalls, but as soon as she entered the house, the freezing temperature made her feel like she needed a lot more clothes to be in there. Even so Gwen locked the door and crossed the hall until she reached the living room. 

There she found Blake lying on the couch, wrapped in a heavy blanket, with Betty lying near his feet. The dog was not alarmed by her presence, on the contrary, she just lifted her head a little and wagged her tail excitedly. Gwen walked straight up to the couch and ducked down close to where his head was lying. 

“Hi, Blake.” She said, softly. 

Blake had a tired and sad expression on his face and whatever had made him feel that way, had to be a really serious thing, cause she had never seen him seem so upset and broken before. 

However, it may have affected him very much, but he didn't seem to have cried a single tear because of it.

"I wasn't expecting you." He said, in a very low tone.

"I'm here for you." Gwen replied, even though she knew her presence was not required and that he would probably be more comfortable alone.

“You shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have called.” He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry."

"But I am here. Lean on me.” She was still being careful with her voice tone and sounding calm and soft. 

Blake ran a hand over his face, as if trying to ward off his sad expressions. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.” He confessed.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Gwen asked, still staring at him and very distressed by the way he looked defeated by whatever bad feeling he had.

"No." He shook his head, sure that he would be able to push her away if he was stubborn like that.

"Can I just lie down with you, then?" She asked, taking him by surprise. "Please, it is very cold in here."

Blake was confused and still surprised, but he raised his arm to lift the blanket and scooted closer to the back of the couch to make room for her. Gwen took her sneakers and socks off and went under the covers to lay in the space beside him, facing him. She snuggled up to him and he covered them both up to their necks. One of Blake's arms was wrapped around Gwen's shoulders and his hand was resting on her back. His other hand brushed her hair out of her face and put it behind her ear as she settled herself close to him, with their bodies fitting perfectly under the covers. 

Just the warmth of her body and her amazing smell made him feel better right away. His lips touched her forehead and he placed a long kiss against her skin while Gwen caressed his chest, with her face hidden in his neck.

“Thanks for being here." Blake whispered to her.

“I didn't want to be anywhere else." Gwen whispered back. 

Blake's body relaxed automatically, but he tightened his arms around her, pressing her carefully a little more against his body as if she was the most valuable asset he had. 

Almost as if sensing the positive change in the air, Betty also relaxed and snuggled again on the end of the couch, between their legs. Blake felt his eyes grow heavy, the tiredness of the morning and the restless beginning of his afternoon finally hitting him at once. He closed his eyes, but kept Gwen in his arms just like that, hoping she didn't have to leave.

  


***

  


A sequence of loud noises in the kitchen made Blake slowly open his eyes and frown. He was still lying on the couch in the living room and the room was completely dark, which made him realize that it must be late, because it was already dark outside.

He was still getting to assimilate his surroundings when another loud noise from something that sounded like a pan falling on the floor made him lift his torso to try to spy over the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. The only thing he could see initially was Betty who was sitting in the hallway at a perfect angle so she could see the mess happening in the kitchen and the calm in the living room. The dog wagged her tail when she noticed that he was awake, but soon turned back to the kitchen. 

Blake stood up and stretched his entire body before sneaking out into the hall. He stopped beside Betty at the entrance to the other room and leaned against a pillar to analyze the situation.

The kitchen was a mess. To be more precise, Blake thought a tornado had passed through it. There were pots on the floor, lots of dishes in the sink, flour everywhere — on the island in the center, on the countertops, on the cabinet doors and even in the refrigerator — but none of that mattered when he saw Gwen in the middle of the kitchen, with her back to him, arranging pieces of raw dough cut into small squares on a large oven tray.

She had taken off her overalls and was wearing nothing but a light blue extra large buttoned-down shirt. His shirt. She was even barefoot. Her hair was tied in a messy high bun with loose strands of hair in the front, framing her face, on the sides , near her ears and on the back of her neck.

Her arm was dirty with flour too, right under the l folded up sleeve of his shirt, and that made him laugh.

"Hey pretty girl." Blake decided to get her attention and Gwen quickly turned in his direction.

She smiled. A smile so big and so beautiful that it took his breath away. "You woke up." She said in a sweet voice tone. “Wait, I woke you up with all that noise, didn't I? I'm so sorry.”

Blake smirked at her and shook his head and one hand in the air, as if to say that it didn't matter, he had already slept too much that afternoon.

He also noticed that the house was no longer as cold, the temperature was pleasant inside now. Gwen had taken care of everything while being careful enough to let him rest.

"What are you doing?" He asked, referring to the mess in the kitchen. 

“Oh, I'll clean it up later, I promise." Gwen said, and then she lifted the tray with the raw dough cut into squares. “I'm baking Christmas cookies." She said excitedly.

Blake let out a loud, genuine laugh. “Where do you get these ideas from? It’s May.”

“So what?” She laughed too, turning to open the oven and placing the tray inside. "You were not feeling so good. Christmas cookies always make us feel better.”

Right there he realized that it was not her way to distract him with food so he would take his mind off the problem he had, that was a gesture from a really good person who was truly concerned about him. Blake could hardly believe that he had tried to push her away earlier. 

He finally entered the kitchen, approaching the large marble kitchen island in the middle.

"Are you wearing my shirt?" He chuckled.

Gwen softly laughed, but nodded, seeming shy for a second. “I hope you don't mind, I got it from the laundry room. I was so uncomfortable in those overalls, and I didn't want to leave while you were sleeping.” She confessed. 

"It looks much better on you." Blake said, slightly flirty. But gradually, he let his smile fade away. “Miranda was here earlier." He confessed, deciding that Gwen had the right to know what had upset him. “She told me very bad things about how she felt when we were together. I never thought I could make anyone feel that way, let alone someone I planned to spend the rest of my life with.” 

She noticed that the conversation had become serious, so she turned to face him. 

And Blake continued. "I don't blame her for feeling that way, I just don't ever want to make anyone feel that way again." 

Gwen skirted the kitchen island and approached Blake. "How did she feel?" She asked, trying to get him to talk more about that and get it out of his head.

"Suffocated." He said, and it sounded pretty ordinary in Gwen’s opinion. Many people in relationships felt that way. “Disgusted. She said she couldn't stand me anymore and that she hated me.” He kept going and she understood it was nothing ordinary, it seemed that Miranda just wanted to hurt him for some reason, and it wasn't fair that she had succeeded.

“Has anyone else ever felt that way?” Gwen asked, still trying to just get it out of his head. “Anyone else in your life?”

Blake shook his head. “Not that I know." He sighed heavily. Talking about that was a challenge for him. “Do you feel that way? Sometimes I think that my over care could easily suffocate you.” He was suddenly very insecure.

"Me?" She widened her eyes. “I was never cared for like that, Blake, are you crazy? I feel loved. I feel important.”

The way she said that ended all Blake’s previous doubts and it made him feel good again.

“And you are." He was relieved, in a way. 

He used one hand to pull Gwen to him by the waist, and she let herself be easily handled by him. 

Their bodies clash slightly and they end up laughing. Blake looked down, right into Gwen's dark eyes, and was immediately attracted to them. Attracted to her.

He leaned down a little and lifted Gwen's chin slightly until his lips touched hers and he tasted the incredible sensation of exploring them again. Something about the intense and tender way he kissed her, made Gwen's knees immediately weaken. Maybe it was the way his lips fit perfectly against hers, the way his tongue slowly slipped into her mouth and hungrily tasted hers, or the way his fingers came down slowly, sliding throughout the side of her body over the thin fabric of his shirt that she was wearing.

And for Blake, something about Gwen in one of his shirts was way too sexy. 

The kiss quickly turned into something intense when Gwen lifted one hand and intertwined her fingers in Blake's hair, causing him to bring their bodies even closer together and press hers against the kitchen island. Her other hand went under the shirt he was wearing, scratching his skin to tease him. Blake groaned low and broke off the kiss to suck on her bottom lip and then he bit it lightly.

“If we don't stop now, I won't be able to stop." He warned, his voice already breathless.

"I don't want you to stop." Gwen whimpered and tugged on his hair. "I want you." Her voice took on a completely drawn and sexy tone on purpose.

Blake didn't need anything else to get completely involved with that. He grabbed her waist and lifted her up to place her seated on the marble kitchen island, settling between her spread legs soon after. 

His lips searched for hers again, and the hot kiss left them breathless again.

One of Gwen's legs wrapped around Blake's waist and his body brushed between her legs, tempting her and making her moan into his mouth, in the middle of the kiss they exchanged.

He pushed her leg out of the way and moved his body a little bit so that one of his hands could get under the oversized shirt she was wearing and he was able to slide two fingers slowly over her panties in her center. Gwen let out a louder moan and Blake used his mouth again to cover hers. His fingers teased slowly, pressing on her clit and coming down to her entrance, he pressed even harder there. She shuddered against his touch, and Blake broke the kiss just to hear her moaning.

"That was so hot." He whispered in her ear, sucking on her earlobe after. “You’re so hot.”

Gwen moaned again, spreading her legs wider for Blake. He then grabbed her panties and closed her legs only so he could pull the soft fabric down over her thighs and off at the ankles.

Blake's lips reached Gwen's neck when he leaned down again and his hands tugged on both sides of the large shirt she wore, smashing almost all the buttons at once. Then, when there was enough exposed skin, he went down with his mouth over her body, making a path of moist kisses and intense sucking. He started on her collarbone, continuing through between her breasts and down directly to her belly, until Blake was intensely exploring Gwen's thighs, kissing, sucking and biting them. 

He used two fingers to penetrate her without any clothes on his way, and tested the wetness between her legs. She felt her body squirm and bit her lower lip when her hips circled and sought even more contact from his fingers. But Blake denied that, he backed off and with his other hand pulled Gwen over to the edge of the kitchen island. His lips quickly rose and Blake placed a long kiss on the inside of her thigh, a second before his tongue came up and flicked over her clit. Gwen's back arched and she released Blake's hair to support both hands on the marble behind her. Her neck tilted back and her head hung in the air.

“Oh my god.” She whimpered. 

Blake stopped to watch her reactions for a second, but then he turned his attention back to what he was doing. His tongue twisted over her clit and he positioned his mouth there to suck her in. Gwen's legs were as spread as she could get, but still her hips thrust forward when she let out a long, crying moan.

“Blake.” She was panting and completely breathless. “Fuck—”

He stopped. "You taste really good."

“Please, fuck me.” Gwen begged and let out another whimper when he flicked his tongue against her clit again.

“Ask that again.” He commanded her. 

Her whole body shuddered. “Fuck me.”

Blake lifted his body, standing up straight. He approached her and Gwen looked at him with an intense look of desire. Her cheeks were slightly pink and her chest rose and fell as she breathed heavily. She was irresistible to him.

He grabbed a handful of her hair behind her head. “Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes." Her hands went down to the pants he wore and she opened the button and lowered the zipper. 

It was no surprise to find Blake's cock hard and ready when she stuck her hand in his boxers.

She pulled him out and pushed his jeans and boxers down, just enough so that he was completely exposed. Then Gwen wrapped her fingers around his cock and moved her hand quickly from bottom to top, masturbating him.

Blake groaned and leaned forward to hide his face in her neck, starting to suck and bite hard on her skin.

Gwen rubbed his cock until Blake was throbbing in her hand, and only then did she direct him exactly where she wanted him to be, pressing his tip to her entrance.

He immediately felt her wetness around him and pushed slowly forward, sliding inside. Their moans got mixed up as he invaded her and the feeling of fullness when he filled her completely was unbelievable for both of them.

Immediately that day in the bathroom at Adam's party invaded Gwen's mind again and she recognized the same intense sensations that Blake had caused her there. She was feeling all over again because of him. 

Without warning, he pulled his hips back and adjusted himself to thrust again and invade her in a single charge. Gwen gasped. He gave her no time to adjust to his size before picking up the pace and violently slamming into her again and again, so she was a mess of whimpers and loud moans.

“Oh yes.” She gasped again. “Oh fuck—” Gwen yelped as her nails started to dig into the skin on his back, under his shirt, but Blake didn’t stop.

He groaned muffled against her neck. “Fuck, Gwen—” Blake’s big hand slapped and clenched her thigh hard.

His entire body was craving for more, begging for her, and he could feel that Gwen's behaved the same way. Now her legs were around his waist and her hips repeatedly thrusted forward. Blake held her waist with both of his hands and guided her as he thrusted forward too, meeting her body and going against its movement.

He sunk his teeth hard into the skin on her neck and then sucked the same spot until he left a mark there. She yelped and dug her nails into his back again, in return.

Blake pulled his face away and groaned. “Come for me.” He commanded again, slapping her ass this time, right before he slammed his cock inside of her another time. 

It was like he flipped a switch. Gwen let go and the intense pleasure shot all over her body. She shuddered and completely lost control, her hips pressed against his body and she left the kitchen island and transferred herself to Blake's arms. He held her tight while he was still fucking her repeatedly. 

Soon he had to lean her against the kitchen wall because he too was losing his mind. He wildly thrusted against her body once more, hard again, and then he felt when the wave of pleasure overcame everything else. 

Gwen was a mess of whimpers and yelps for some time, but she felt the very moment when he poured his pleasure into her. And that made her feel more fulfilled than any other thing. His tired, breathless moans right next to her ear after he started trying to regain control of his body, also made her feel really good.

Blake touched Gwen's neck with his lips again, but this time only to plant brief kisses on her slightly red and bruised skin.

Slowly he slipped out of her and Gwen whimpered at the sensation. 

“Are you okay?" He asked hoarsely. 

"I’m amazing." She answered his question without even thinking about it. Her husky, tired voice sounded even sexier to him

But the way she answered that made him laugh. “That you are." Blake agreed.

The two ended up laughing again, but the loud oven beep startled them. "Oh cookies." Gwen remembered and for the first time she realized that they were smelling really good.

Blake started to put her back on her feet, but Gwen tightened her legs around his waist. "Take me to the bathroom." She asked. “I need to freshen up."

"Are you leaving?" He asked as he pulled his pants up and closed the button with just one hand since the other was keeping her steady against his body.

“Not right now, but I need to go home soon." She explained while he was already carrying her out of the kitchen with him. 

Blake knew Gavin was bringing the kids back to her, so he didn’t question that. "Ok, I'll be back to get the cookies out of the oven." He told her.

"You better not burn my cookies."

"I thought they were my cookies." He laughed.

“No, I gave you something better to improve your mood." Gwen shrugged and the two of them ended up laughing endlessly all the way to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two happy bunnies. 🤗


	13. I'm covered in the rubble of your selfish concrete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS!  
> This is long but it’s important. ♥️

The two silver keys slammed against each other, making a soft jingle before one of them was inserted into the lock. Gavin pushed the door open to let Gwen in, and she went inside.

The place was very large and was already decorated with a modern vibe, with a lot of gray, white and black. It was an apartment on the roof of one of the best buildings in Hollywood, very well located and safe. It had a large living room, with huge windows that overlooked the city, a spacious kitchen, 3 bathrooms and 4 bedrooms, and a rooftop area with pool and everything. 

"Did you buy this place?" Gwen looked around, admiring the space and the good taste of whoever had decorated it. “Did you decorate it? No, right? I know you." She shook her head.

Gavin laughed. “No, I hired someone and settled in when it was ready. I was in a hotel until a few days ago, but now I'm here.” He explained, because he knew that was what she was there for, to know where their kids have been spending time. "I didn't buy it, it's rented and it's temporary, until we figure it all out." 

She felt a brief discomfort, but ignored it as she followed behind the couch to the large windows on the other side of the room. 

Gwen was in that apartment because the night before Gavin had asked if the kids could spend the night at his new place, instead of taking them back to her, but she didn't feel safe to let them stay with him without knowing where her husband was living, after all, she didn’t want her children to end up spending the night at a stranger’s house. Now she knew where they would be and that it was a safe and comfortable place.

"It's a really nice place." She praised, feeling relieved that Gavin was getting that part of his life together, at least.

"It's fancy, but not as good as our home." He said, making her look briefly in his direction. "I want to go back as soon as possible." 

Gwen had turned back to the big windows, but saw out of the corner of her eyes, when Gavin approached her, then she had to turn back to him.

"How are you?" She asked, in an anxious attempt to change that subject. She still needed to act amicably towards him, because she would take that opportunity and the absence of the kids to talk about unpleasant things soon. 

"I miss you." He said, now standing right next to her.

"Gavin..." Her tone sounded like a warning.

"Fine." He sighed heavily before answering. "I'm fine. What about you? You look so good. You don't even look like you're pregnant.” 

Gwen turned to face him with an unhappy face. "What do you mean by that? Does your mistress have a bigger baby bump than me?”

Gavin sighed again, this time a little impatiently. "I was just trying to compliment you." 

She briefly felt bad for being rude. "Sorry. I didn't come here to fight.”

"It's all right, honey." He nodded in agreement. “We can try to be better, can't we? Regarding fights.” He asked. “I don't want to fight you anymore. I want to make things right.” 

Gavin reached for Gwen with one hand and brushed her hair back from her shoulder, sliding his fingers through them in a brief display of affection. 

She froze. And he froze too, soon afterwards.

"What is this?" He asked in a loud tone and with a confused frown.

"What?" She asked, but she knew very well what he was talking about, so she raised her hand and covered her own neck to hide the purple mark on her skin.

"Is that a hickey?" Gavin's eyes widened and he grabbed her hand to take it off her neck and get another good look at that. “It's a hell of a hickey. Do you want to explain to me why you have a fucking hickey on your neck?” He squeezed her hand between his fingers and Gwen pushed his arm away so he would let go of her.

"I don't have to explain anything to you." She said, determinedly. 

"So I stay with the kids for 5 hours in one day and you show up here with a hickey like that the next day?" Gavin laughed exaggeratedly, but he didn't sound happy at all. “5 hours, Gwen. Only 5 hours. Do you want to tell me who's fucking you?”

"No." She kept her voice low and controlled, as if she wasn’t affected at all by that. "It's none of your business.”

“Oh, so someone's really fucking you, aren’t they?" He grabbed her shoulder to pull her to him, just so he could look at the mark on her neck more closely. "Look at that. This is ridiculous, how old do you think you are? Are you walking around with this on display for anyone who wants to see it? What happens when your kids hear you’re fucking around?”

“Let go of me." Gwen pushed him away, but Gavin held on to her shirt so he could continue intimidating her. “Let me go!" She repeated, trying to push him away again. “You have nothing to do with my life or who I have sex with or not."

“Ahh but I do. You are the mother of my children, what a good example you’re setting.” He said that as if he really could afford it.

"And what example are you setting, huh?" Gwen finally managed to break free and took a few steps back. “Do you really think Kingston doesn't understand what you did? Do you think he doesn't know that his parents' marriage can't be fixed because his father is an asshole cheater? He knows, I can see it on his face.” She accused, finally giving in to the anger she felt.

"Kingston doesn't know anything, he is 8 years old." Gavin lowered his voice, trying to control himself as she straightened her shirt that was wrinkled by him. “Does he knows the man who's fucking you? I hope you didn't do that at home, in my fucking bed.” 

“Oh the way you fucked their nanny in their house? In my bed?" She defied him. “Maybe I did. Maybe not. The point is, it’s none of your business anyway.”

"It's my business!” Gavin shouted again, stepping forward in Gwen’s direction, but stopping when he saw her take more steps back. "As long as you're carrying my baby inside you, it's my business." He calmed down enough to say that in a more controlled way. 

"Oh, yes, about that." She took more steps back, just in case, and they were already next to the living room couches again.

"What?" Gavin looked at her with confused and offended expressions.

"The baby." Gwen started, briefly getting nervous for the first time in all that mess. "There is a chance that it’s not yours."

"What?" He repeated the question, this time less confused and more shocked. “Were you fucking another man while we were still together? And did he get you fucking pregnant?”

“I wasn't fucking anyone, honey, that was you.” Gwen said and emphasized the way she called him, slightly mocking, then she frowned, as if concentrating to explain something very complicated. “We were separated and it happened once during that period, but yes, it could be that he got me pregnant.” She told it simply and directly, thinking it was the easiest way to do that. 

Gwen had already foreseen two possible reactions to that revelation: Gavin would scream and take offense, then offend her, or he wouldn't even care and take the opportunity to leave her at once, but not before offending her. In any case, he would try to hurt her, that was obvious, and he would probably succeed, but she had tried to prepare herself mentally and emotionally for it this time.

However, the way he grabbed her arm and pulled her to the apartment’s door was not something she had anticipated.

"You are a hypocritical whore." He shouted, releasing her to unlock the door. "Get out of here, you fucking slut, I haven't spent months listening to you criticize me and accepting your punishments just to find out now that you're going to give birth to a baby that probably isn't even mine because you were fucking someone else too.” Gavin opened the door and pushed Gwen's shoulder to get her out of the apartment, but she fought it. 

“Said the adulterer who cheated on me for years inside of my own house. It tastes good, doesn’t it, Gavin? Fuck you.” Gavin pulled her back inside and slammed the apartment door, that was very close to crushing all her fingers. 

“Who is it?" He took both her shoulders and shook her. “Who is fucking you?”

Gwen dug her nails into his biceps so Gavin would lose his strength in his arm and let go of her. It worked. 

"It's Blake." She confessed at once. She had promised herself that she would do that too.

“That fucking country asshole who can barely stand at the end of the events cause he’s drunk as a pig? Oh, you chose wisely.” Gavin scoffed, but he was still clearly irritated. "How long until he gets sick of your sameness and looks for another redneck to marry and play house with him?"

"Shut up." Gwen looked at him with an intense look of hate. “You don't know Blake." 

Gavin laughed out loud. “Aw, you are in love already?” He pushed one of her arms while mocking her. “You are ridiculous, you don't even know how to cheat the right way. You got pregnant and fell in love in the process. I don’t think I know anyone more pathetic than you.” 

He didn't even see it when she raised her hand, but he felt when she hit the left side of his face at full force. The slap was loud and heavy, and it stung afterwards, so he had to press his own hand against his face to make it better.

There was a second when they stared at each other with wide eyes, until they both assimilated what had happened. Then Gavin started to move and Gwen grabbed the door handle desperately to get away. He held the heavy wooden door and didn't let her out.

"Let me go." Gwen cried, cowering against the wall.

Gavin didn't touch her, and she thought it could only be because he was afraid of what he might do in a moment of pure anger like that.

“You’re my fucking wife.” He screamed close to her face, but moved away right after.

“I want a divorce.” She got brave again.

“What?” Gavin narrowed his eyes, but he had heard her. “Fine. Enjoy your time with the kids. I will be filing for full custody. And I want you to prove to me that this baby really isn't mine, or else you're going to lose this one too.” He threatened, even a few steps away from her now.

“You never wanted it to begin with.” Gwen reminded him.

“I don’t care. It’s in there, isn’t it? If it’s mine, I will take it from you.” He made it clear. "Now get out of here, or I don't even know what I'm capable of, because I hate you so much right now, you have no idea.”

"Gavin, I—” She tried to say.

"Out!" He shouted and opened the door, aggressively pushing her out. 

Afraid that the situation would get even worse, she tilted her head down and didn’t fight this time, turning her back to Gavin and not looking back. 

The door slammed behind her again, but Gwen didn't stop. She ignored the elevator too, and pushed on the stairway door, even though she knew she had 22 floors to go down.

  


***

  


"I can't believe you finally accepted our invitation." Adam's wife, Behati, filled Blake's glass with some more alcohol. "I hope you enjoy dinner, I didn't let Adam take care of the menu."

“Hey, what does that mean?” Her husband complained, from the other couch. 

The three of them were sitting in the living room, talking while they waited for whatever was in the oven to get ready. Blake still didn't know what it was, but it smelled really good, like cheese, tomatoes and some strong spice.

“I appreciate it. He has a weird taste.” He mocked his friend. “I wish I could come every time I get an invitation, but I'm always busy whenever I'm here in LA now." He explained, trying to sound as polite and appreciative as possible.

"Do you have a new girlfriend?" Behati asked directly.

“Baby, what question is that?" Adam let out a loud laugh as he thought that his wife's attitude had sounded a lot like something he would do. “It's just that she wanted to invite a friend for dinner today and I said it was better not to. She thinks we're hiding something from her.” He explained himself.

"Well, they are usually right." Blake softly laughed.

"I'm always right.” Behati corrected him.

"Well, not this time, sorry.” Blake said, she raised her eyebrows. "I don’t have a girlfriend."

"Really?" She looked at him as if that was a challenge. “So why did Adam stop me from introducing you to a beautiful and smart model?"

Blake lifted his glass and took a sip before looking at his friend. "I don't know, why is that Adam?" He asked, playfully.

"I'm going to punch you." Adam warned, trying to end the conversation right there. 

But in that moment, Blake's phone rang and he raised it out of curiosity. Adam and Behati had already changed the subject when he needed to interrupt them. "Hey, do you mind if I take this call?" He asked, and then looked directly at his friend. “It's Gwen."

“Oh, yes, of course. You can take it wherever you want.” Adam immediately said. He knew the whole situation with Gwen, minus the most recent events, but he still knew it was important for Blake to be available to her whenever she needed him.

"Yes, feel free to even go upstairs if you need." Behati agreed.

Blake nodded and turned to leave, going towards the back door, to answer the call outside.

Adam's wife approached her husband on the couch as soon as they were alone.

“Gwen?" She asked. 

Adam nodded, trying to look disinterested.

"Stefani." He said, as if it was nothing much.

"Oh, please, I know who Gwen is." Behati rolled her eyes and waved a hand in the air. “But Gwen and Blake? I didn't see that coming.”

“I’m not supposed to talk about it." Adam felt a shiver travel up his spine when she looked at him.

"You were hiding something from me." She told him, just stating. “I'm always right, see?"

And she tapped her glass against his, as if toasting.

“Hey Gwen. What’s up?" Blake anxiously answered the call.

"Hey Blake, it's not Gwen, it's Jen." He had to take the phone off his ear and check the name on the display. It was Gwen's number. “Her sister-in-law, remember? We met when I picked her up at your house.”

“Oh, Jen! Yes, of course." He remembered Gwen's sister-in-law very clearly and how she seemed to be a fun person, but soon he felt anxious again because she was the one calling him from Gwen's phone. 

The thought that something might have happened to her and their baby hit him hard, Blake even thought he was going to fall if he didn't sit, so he sat on the porch couch.

"What happened to her? Is she ok?"

"She is fine." Jen tried to say it quickly, to calm his worried tone. "She's just not having one of her best days and I think that maybe you could help."

“Me?" Blake stood up again. “You think she wants me there?" 

Jen made a funny noise with her mouth. “Of course she does, she just doesn't know it yet. The point is that my patience only goes so far when she is acting like a stubborn child.” Jen complained. "I will take the real children to my house, but I don't want to leave her alone today." 

Blake nodded, even though she couldn't see him. “Ok, I'm coming over."

"I will be here waiting for you." She seemed satisfied with his answer. "And, Blake, you better come soon, before she breaks the whole house."

"What?" He was a little startled by that, but Jen laughed on the other end of the line. "I will be there soon." 

"See you soon, Blake." She hung up. 

Blake needed a second to take a deep breath before he entered the house again. However, as soon as he stepped inside, he remembered that he had not thought of any excuse to abandon that dinner before it even started. Fortunately, when he headed into the living room, Adam was sitting alone with his glass of whiskey. 

“Hey, is everything okay? How is Gwen?” He asked. 

"I'm not sure." Blake honestly said. "But I need to go check on her."

“What do you mean?" Adam was confused. “She called and said nothing?"

“It wasn't her." He explained. “Someone else called for her. It seems like she's upset about something and I think I know what it is.” 

“You have to go?" His friend asked. “Now?" 

Blake felt guilty, but nodded. “I'm sorry, I normally wouldn't do that, but it really seems serious." 

Adam understood, actually. “Of course, man, whatever it is that is going on with her, it could harm your baby. Supposed baby, half baby, or whatever.” He had already drank enough to get his words mixed up.

Blake nodded, but took a deep breath and forced himself to put out another truth. “It’s not just that, though. I like her." He said. 

“Of course, she is—" Adam started to say, but he stopped himself when he realized what Blake really meant. “Oh, you mean you like her? Like, you _really_ like her?”

"I guess so." Blake confirmed it, even though his question was confusing. The confession made his hands sweat. "I think I like her _a lot_."

“Oh shit." Adam raised his glass to toast it. "Congrats, you are fucked." They both laughed. “But go get her then. Go and stay with her.”

“I will.” Blake felt a new and different adrenaline rush through his body, and hurried to get his car key off the coffee table. “Thanks for understanding, man. Can you apologize to Behati for me? Tell her I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry, man, she'll be fine." Adam reassured him. “Update me on Gwen, please."

“Ok, I will." Blake nodded and went back to the door. “Bye, man."

  


***

  


"Zuma don’t run, you will fall and get hurt." Jen shouted outside the door as she watched the boys who were heading towards her car. 

Blake was taking the opposite route and walking up the driveway to the entrance to the house. 

"Hi" The blond-haired little boy stopped and looked at him with curious eyes. “What are you doing at my house?” He asked. 

Blake laughed. “Hi, buddy." He ruffled Zuma's hair. "I’m just visiting."

“Mommy’s sick." He said, giving information that was not asked for, but he had known Blake for some time now, so maybe that was why he felt comfortable talking. Or maybe it was the fact that he was just a communicative child. “We are going to Uncle Todd and Aunt Jen's house. Dad is not home.”

"Ok, I'm just going to stay for a while and talk to your mom, ok?" Blake explained to him. “Then she will rest."

“Ok, just be careful not to get sick too." Zuma said as if he was a concerned adult, but soon he smiled and went back to acting like the sweet boy Blake knew he was. “Do you want a cookie? I’m not supposed to eat them all before dinner.”

Blake smiled. "No, thanks, buddy. Save them for later."

"Ok." Zuma nodded. “Can you come back another day, when we are home too?” The boy innocently asked. “I liked when we used to play together.”

That phrase did something to Blake’s heart. “Of course. I will be back and spend the afternoon one day, ok? This way we can play for hours.”

“Cool.” Zuma smiled. “Bring a swimsuit. We have a pool.” He instructed, as if he was talking to a friend from school. 

Blake laughed. “Can’t wait." He said. "But go with your brother now, your aunt is waiting." He turned and waved to Kingston too. 

The older boy waved excitedly from inside the car.

“Bye, Blake." Zuma waved too.

"Bye buddy."

Jen was peeking from the door, and watched as Zuma made his way to the car and Blake headed towards the house.

"Children, I still don't know what they are for, maybe just to keep our throats sharp." She told him, but soon she was laughing. “Oh! I definitely shouldn't be saying that to you. I'm kidding, kids are great, I have two and I love them, you'll love your baby too.”

He was nervous, if he was honest, but the way Jen talked about random things in a funny way was making him more relaxed, like it was just a normal visit.

“Hi Jen, how are you?" Blake said politely when he reached the door. "They are sweet, these boys." 

"I'm fine." She shook his hand as she answered and came over to the side, indicating the inside of the house. “I know, they got it from their mom. Hey, do you have a minute?” 

He wiped his shoes on the rug outside and stepped inside. “Of course.” He answered her question from before.

Entering that house always made him nervous. Everything was very white, very neat, organized and looked expensive. He didn't know if he could ever live in a house like that.

“Hey boys, get settled in the car, put your seat belt on. It's King's turn to choose the music. I will be right there.” Jen shouted out the door. 

Blake had been inside that house a few times, but he still vividly remembered the last time he had been there. He had to look for Gwen after the misunderstanding with Vickie and luckily she was there and didn’t run away to any place where he wouldn’t be able to find her. He had admitted clearly that he liked her right there, in that living room, and they had kissed.

Blake was just thinking about that when Jen's voice caught his attention again. "Are you in it to stay, Blake?"

"Hm?" He almost choked when he heard that question, but took a deep breath and tried to understand it first.

“It's just that if you're not planning on staying and fighting for her, I don't want you to be here today.” Jen was very clear, but it wasn’t all. “What you will see when you go up the stairs is not the Gwen you are used to. It is not the cheerful and charismatic Gwen, nor the shy and sad one that she has been lately, it is something different, darker and, honestly, very annoying, in my opinion.” She proceeded to tell him. “But I love her and I’m tired of seeing her suffer like this. She doesn't need someone who will be here today and leave tomorrow. She needs stability, love and patience. So yes, I asked you to come here, but I vehemently ask you to leave if you care about her and know that you are not here to stay.”

Blake sighed nervously, that whole thing made him completely insecure again, and so anxious that he could hardly breathe properly. He didn't expect to have to answer a question as deep as that one, but he fully understood why Jen was demanding his position in that situation. He agreed that he shouldn't be there if he wasn’t going to stay, and the fact that he was there for Blake was already an answer to that question that he didn't even know how to really answer. 

He didn’t want to put much thought in it, so he took a deep breath and followed what his heart so clearly seemed to know.

"I am here to stay." He stated. 

Jen's facial expressions softened instantly, and she smiled. “I knew you were, but hearing it from you is a relief. It is not any man who would be able to do so well under pressure like that. I think we are going to get along just fine, Blake.”

“Oh god, I hope so. You don't seem like the type of person I would want against me.” Blake laughed.

“Look, you haven't even heard me talking shit about her ex. I can do that all day.” Jen shrugged.

"Me too." He was still laughing. 

"Hey, can you get Apollo for me?" She pointed to the little boy in the playpen. 

Blake looked in the direction she had indicated and saw Apollo sitting in the middle of the playpen, distracted by a bunch of toys.

He approached, rather slowly. “Hey, Apollo, how are you, little buddy? Come here." 

The little boy looked at him and smiled as soon as he recognized him. Blake opened his arms and Apollo got up to go towards him. 

He had known Blake since forever, they used to spend time together the year before, when the boy was too young to be away from his mother for hours when she was working for 'The Voice'. Apollo was the backstage mascot and was always around them.

Blake lifted him out of the playpen and held him in his arms. Apollo rubbed his tired eyes as he stared at him. "You are so big, I can't believe it."

Apollo giggled and took his little hand to his face. Blake played as if he was going to bite his fingers and the boy laughed even more.

"They grow up fast, you need to enjoy every second." Jen told him, while Blake brought Apollo to her. "Get used to it." She took the boy from him. “Well, I need to go. I texted my phone number to you from her phone, if you need anything.” 

“What? Won't you take me upstairs? I don't think I ever went up those stairs before.” Blake asked, slightly startled.

“Are you crazy? She has no idea that I called you and I want to be far away when you get up there.” Jen said honestly, making Blake laugh. "Give this to her." She handed Gwen's phone to him. "There's no mistaking it, it's the last room in the hall to the right." She explained, and Blake's heart beat fast as if it was going to pop out of his chest. "Be patient." She said at last.

"I am." He guaranteed.

"Then you will do very well." Jen encouraged him. "Thank you, Blake."

"Thank you, Jen." He thanked her back, and watched as she waved and left, with Apollo in her arms. 

Blake then turned toward the stairs and took a deep breath, summoning up the courage to go up to the second floor.

  


***

  


Gwen furiously pulled all the clothes that did not belong to her out of the closet and threw them in large garbage bags. All of Gavin's shirts, pants and even suits were going straight in there, without any care. In addition, in the corner of the room, there were already two suitcases full of his personal belongings that she no longer wanted to see inside her house. 

A light knock on the door startled her, but Gwen didn't stop what she was doing, she threw a whole drawer of expensive watches in the trash bag.

“I’m not in the mood, Jenny.” She yelled. 

"Gwen?" Blake's voice called out to her and she thought for a second that she was imagining it, but she turned around anyway and almost fell back when she saw that he was really there, with only half his face passed the door. 

"Blake? What are you doing here?" She blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

"I'm checking on you." He said, looking around and noticing how huge the room was, and also how messy, with clothes thrown all over the place and shards of something that looked like a picture frame shattered on the floor.

“Well, I'm fine, you can go now." She dismissed him and turned back to the closet so she could focus on throwing Gavin's things in the big trash bags. 

"You don't seem fine." He said, still standing at the door.

“I don't give a fuck what it seems like.” She grunted, tucked into the closet still.

"Wow.” Blake took a step inside, immediately understanding what Jen had said about her mood and how it was worse than the sadness he had already seen on her.

“If you want to think I'm crazy, then it's fine, I'm crazy.” She continued to mumble from inside the walk-in closet. “In fact, you shouldn't even be here. Jen called you, didn't she?” Gwen stuck her head out just to look at him. Blake held up her phone, which Jen had handed him. "I knew it." She rolled her eyes and went back to hiding in the closet. “Well, I don't want you here. You are free to leave.” 

“Ok. I’m staying.” Blake insisted, moving further into the room. 

"What?" She came out again, this time with several different ties in her hands. All with the same destination: The garbage bags.

“Being free to leave means I can leave if I want to, right? I don't want to, so I'll stay.” He said. 

Gwen snorted loudly and stamped her foot like a child. “You will regret this, Blake."

“Maybe." He didn't think he should disagree with that. “What are you doing there, huh?"

“I'm throwing Gavin out of this house." She said, with some excitement. “Him and everything that belongs to him. I will leave everything in garbage bags in the garage and he will have 2 days to pick it up or I will donate everything to the church.”

Blake tried really hard not to laugh at that, but he failed, and the smallest chuckle made her look at him with the worst frown.

"I'm sorry, but the church people don't need suits and ties, or watches and stockings." He explained. "I know you mean well, but I also know you are not going to get rid of his things like that, it's just a moment of anger."

"Oh yes? Watch me.” Gwen pulled out a drawer and turned it over in a garbage bag. Blake saw many different things fall from there, cigars, money, condoms, stamps, letters, rings and even documents. “Yes, I am angry. I'm dying of rage. I gave my best for this marriage and all I got in return were lies, deception and promises that were never kept. He didn't even try and I was the only one hurt.”

"What happened? Did you two talk?” Blake asked, paying full attention to her.

“Yeah, I told Gavin that the baby might be yours.” Messing things around in the closet, Gwen found a music box made of glass that Gavin had given her once. She was keeping her wedding ring inside, it was where it used to be when it was off her finger. Now she was absolutely sure she would never wear it again, so she took the diamond ring out of it. 

"I was thinking that maybe that was the reason for all this." Blake sighed. “I’m really sorry. It’s all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault.” Gwen told him. “It’s his fault. He was an asshole and we fought. I hate him.” She threw the ring against the wall on the other side of the room. 

The small object hit the wall and slid to the floor, disappearing somewhere in the room. She let out a yell of frustration and Blake was on the alert. In the following second, the heavy glass music box slipped from her shaking her and shattered on the floor as well, breaking into very small dangerous pieces.

"Ok, don't move." He ignored his own caution regarding that room and what it represented and made his way to her.

Even though he was trying to dodge the shards, he stepped on many of them with his boots, because they were everywhere and there was no way to completely avoid them.

Blake approached Gwen and lifted her off the ground without making any effort. He held her, one arm behind her back and the other under her knees, keeping her safe and stable against his chest. 

Halfway between the closet door and the bed, he heard Gwen let out a loud sob. “Put me down." She still tried to fight, even though she was crying.

“I will, let me just get to a safe place." He assured her.

But Gwen laid her head on Blake's shoulder and started crying so hard that he stopped in the middle of the way to tighten his arms around her. 

He went to the bed and sat with her, letting her get all that bad feeling out. 

Blake didn't ask anything or try to make her stop, he just rubbed her back lightly as she cried, still holding her in his arms. Gwen cried so much that she completely lost her breath at some point, then gradually she got it under control. Blake remained silent, her head tucked under his chin, her chest pressed against his torso, and he could even feel her heart pounding.

"Why are you here?" She whispered that question, quietly sniffling. 

"Because I care about you." Blake didn't have to think to answer it at all. 

He tightened his embrace around her again and placed a long kiss on the top of her forehead because he recognized a moment of weakness and insecurity in her that he understood very well. 

Gwen sobbed again and her body shook. She had to take a deep breath to stop crying and talk again. “Let me summarize this for you." She sniffed, but stayed close to his chest because she didn't want to have to look at him. “You will care about me for a while and then you will get tired of me. That's how it works. I am not enough for anyone. I’m not… lovable.”

Blake was torn between the sharp pain in his heart when he heard her say that and the enormous desire to punch whoever had made her believe in an absurd thing like that.

Gwen pulled her face away from his chest to look at him with her crying eyes. “So, please, leave me now." She painfully asked. 

He lifted one hand and gently brushed the tears from her face. "What if I refuse?" Blake asked in a soft tone, as simple as that.

Gwen's face contorted in a painful expression. "Then you will hurt me more when you leave later." She tilted her head down and more tears streamed down her face.

"Hey." Blake took her chin and lifted it up. “I'm not going anywhere. I am here to stay.” He assured her. "I won’t hurt you, I want to take care of you because I really like you.” 

“Why?” Gwen sobbed again, looking back at him. “You won't like me forever, these things don't last. They last even less with me.”

"I can't explain what I feel, I just feel it." Blake sighed. Seeing her like that was like a knife in the heart. "You are lovable, you should give yourself a chance to prove it."

“I can't prove it by myself." She took a deep breath, trying to control her breathing. "Someone needs to love me."

“Give _me_ a chance then." Blake almost tore his chest to force that sentence out of his mouth. He was scared too, terrified. “Look, if sitting here and crying is what you want to do for the rest of the night, ok, I'll be by your side, but I actually want to take you somewhere, if you would let me. I think you should get out of this house for a little bit.”

"Where?" She asked, looking at him with curious, wet eyes. 

"Do you trust me?" Blake asked, making a purposeful suspense.

"Hm, I struggle to find an answer to that question." Gwen joked, making him laugh and showing a quick improvement to her mood. "Of course I trust you."

“So I'm going to take you for a ride." He said. "A long one."

"Ok." She agreed. “Can we talk on the way? I have so much in me, I need to vent.” 

Blake brushed some hairs out of her face and stroked her cheek. "Yes, of course. I'm sorry for all this."

“Actually, I think I'll be fine." She said the first thing that was not negative since she got home after meeting Gavin. And it was the first time she saw the whole situation with a more positive view as well. "I think a car ride with you is going to be good for me."

“I thought so too." Blake smiled. “Come on then, before it gets too late." He stood up from the bed, still with her in his arms. "I told you, it will be a long drive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I would write shorter chapters for this one. I’m a clown. 
> 
> Hope you guys are still with me.


	14. Help me up, let’s keep on running

The highway was almost as empty as a dirty road in the middle of nowhere, but that was not surprising since it was past midnight and they were already far from LA and on the edge of California. The sky got darker and darker as the dawn progressed and took over the night, but the calm outside was not at all compatible with what was happening inside the truck. 

The radio sound was at maximum volume and Blake was driving at least 20 miles above the highway speed limit. The song 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morissette was playing on the radio show, and Gwen was concentrating on singing at the top of her lungs. 

“You seem very well, things look peaceful.” She sang every word, exchanging glances between the road ahead and Blake by her side. “I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know.” Her voice was louder than the radio and he was laughing at the way she was throwing hands and bouncing her head, sometimes distracting himself to look at her for longer than he should. “Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity? I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner.” It wasn't just the singing, Gwen moved her body to the beat, making faces according to the lyrics, as if she was performing the song, but he didn't expect anything different from her. “It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced. And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?”

She turned to Blake and touched his face, sliding her fingertips down to his neck and then over his shoulder and arm. 

“Stop it." He tried to escape her touch, but he was laughing and just couldn't stop. “You’re distracting me.”

"Sing with me." She whined to get his attention. “Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no.” She squeezed his biceps, teasing him slightly. “And every time you speak her name does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died, but you're still alive.”

Blake wanted to continue focusing only on the road, but the way her body moved and leaned toward him was irresistible. He ended up slowing down a bit to gain more control over the car and be able to peek in Gwen's direction more often. 

But she let go of him and leaned to the other side, opening the window on the passenger side and singing even louder as if she wanted people outside to hear. “And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away.” Her right arm came out of the window and Gwen shook it to the beat of the song as the wind ruffled her hair and hit her face. “It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me. You, you, you oughta know.”

“Ok, now put your arm in." He asked, exchanging tense looks between her and the highway. 

"Aw Blakey, you are no fun." Gwen did what he asked anyway, putting her arm in and closing the window.

"What is wrong with you?" Blake was laughing again.

"I don’t know. Many things." She laughed with him. “At this moment? Hormones. I think I feel… happy?” It was a rhetorical question, it did not require an answer.

He looked at her suspiciously, but he couldn't complain. Sudden joy was better than anger and crying, but it still didn't seem normal. “Are you sure you're okay? I think I saw you experience every possible hormonal change tonight.” Blake was still laughing.

"Hm, almost all of them." Gwen looked at him and bit her lower lip. "Stop the car, Blake."

"What? Why?" He looked at her, confused, and saw when she unbuckled her seat belt to lean to his side. “What are you doing? Put on your seat belt.” Blake slowed down the car, using his right arm to prevent Gwen from being thrown forward. 

She didn't care about that, her lips were busy kissing his neck intensely. The heat that suddenly rose through her and overpowered her was something inexplicable. 

"You are so hot, Blake.” Gwen whispered in his ear and sucked on his earlobe.

“Gwen…” Even though his tone sounded like a warning, Blake couldn't deny the pleasurable shiver she had sent up his spine. “Go back to your seat."

"No.” She simply denied it. Her hand went down his chest and went under his shirt. “Stop the car.”

"Really? Now? Are you sure?" Blake asked, slowly surrendering. If that was what she wanted, he knew he would give it to her. “I will take the next exit."

“You know what? Just keep going." Gwen's hand went down and she opened his pants button, pulling the zipper down right after, while her lips were still busy with his neck and ear, between kisses and whispers. "You driving, with these big hands and these strong arms, is turning me on."

With a deft movement of her nimble hand, her fingers went past the elastic waistband of his boxers, so desperate to feel him, and when she did, she immediately wrapped them around his cock.

"I-” The way her hand took hold of him made Blake's legs shake. "Fuck." He groaned, pulsing slightly against her palm.

The car tilted to the left and he had to hold the steering wheel steady with one hand while the other arm was still trying to hold Gwen steady against his body and the seat, as she was not wearing a seat belt and he couldn’t rely too much on his driving skills since she was distracting him that way.

Gwen pulled his semi hard cock out of his pants, her hand rubbing him slowly, moving up and down his length.

"You are so big and delicious." Her tongue traced the path from his jaw to his neck again. "I’ve been thinking so much about you."

“Really?” He started to play her game. “What have you been thinking about?”

“I’ve been think about you fucking me.” Gwen moaned the last two words into his ear. “You fuck me so good. I get wet just thinking about it. And I think about it a lot.” She bit his earlobe.

Blake's hand came down her side and he slapped her ass firmly. She gasped and moaned again. "You are driving me crazy." His breathless tone was deep and husky.

"I want to taste you." Gwen teased him with a dragging voice and another breathless moan at the end. “You are so hard. I like it like that."

He groaned. The way she was saying those things and how her hand continued to masturbate his cock made a crazy adrenaline rush through his body and the pleasure it caused him made him feel like he was going to explode at any moment.

“You like it, huh?” His hand squeezed her thigh and his short fingernails dug into her skin, under the hem of the skirt she wore. “I should stop this car and fuck you right now.” Blake had a hard time saying that, he couldn't concentrate on anything but her fingers touching him and their dirty talk.

But Gwen had another idea. “I want you in my mouth now." She pulled her face away from his and rested her knees on the passenger seat as she leaned forward again.

“Gwen, let me stop the car first." Blake pleaded, but it was like talking to himself. 

She jumped into action, her lips closed against the tip of his cock and the sensation when he slid into her tight mouth was like an unexpected electric shock. 

A loud groan escaped from the bottom of his throat and the car jerked briefly until he regained control somehow. Gwen ignored everything around and just occupied herself with sucking his cockhead, then she made him slide slowly in and out of her mouth, pressed between her hungry lips while holding one hand to his base.

"Gwen.” Blake's hand that was on her thighs went up to grab her hair and he guided her head, pushing her further down onto his cock, making it go deeper. "Fuck, your mouth is so delicious."

He was completely losing control, even rested his head against the back of the seat when he forgot for a second that he was driving. She let out a soft gargling noise when he got even deeper down her throat, but took his full length in anyway. That added even more to the crazy burning pleasure he was feeling. When he settled there, she sucked him even more intensely, causing Blake's hips to involuntarily thrust forward.

He stepped on the accelerator pedal and then on the brake, not even realizing what he was doing anymore, but conscious enough to hold her body again to make sure she was safe there without a seatbelt. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Blake cursed loudly, feeling the climax hit him all at once and almost making him stop the car entirely in the middle of the highway. 

He lunged forward a few times, fucking her tight mouth as pleasure poured out of him directly inside her throat. And she didn't move away, she sucked him dry to the last drop.

Only then did she get up and sit upright in the passenger seat.

"What the fuck?” Blake had to take many deep breaths, but he was still completely out of breath anyway. "I almost killed us.”

Gwen ran her index finger over the corners of her mouth and then over her lips, intensely staring at him while doing so. “I think I almost killed you." She corrected the sentence with confidence and made him laugh. 

She then leaned over to him, but this time just to place a soft peck on his neck. “Sorry, I really wanted this."

She fixed his pants, putting it back on and pulling his zipper up.

"You're fucking hot." He whispered to her. “I don't know how I got so lucky, but you will be the death of me."

This time it was Gwen who laughed. "I hope you never forget that."

“That you are hot?" Blake asked, confused. “How could I?”

"No, I hope you never forget this blowjob." Gwen explained, biting her bottom lip. "I hope you remember that forever." 

He chuckled. "Again, how could I forget?" He repeated and they laughed together. "Now put your seat belt on, damn it."

"Yes sir." Gwen was taunting him again, but did as he asked. 

"I'm going to stop this car now and we're not going to get anywhere." Blake threatened. 

She laughed. “Ok, shut up and drive." 

"You shut up." He smirked at her and she did the same right back at him.

  


***

  


“Whenever I asked, she denied it and said that I was crazy and obsessed, but I knew it. I felt it.” Blake had his head lying on Gwen's shoulder at that point, and she had her fingers intertwined in his hair, her nails scratching affectionately on his scalp.

He was struggling not to close his eyes, if he was honest, the long and tiring trip had exhausted him. 

“I’ve always known too, I think. I just didn’t want to see it.” She whispered to him, sighing. “He used to say I was crazy too. A lot. And he would get mad if I brought that subject up after I found out.” 

Blake raised his head, afraid to fall asleep in the middle of the conversation, and took the opportunity to look at her.

"He's a dumb asshole." He swore. “He lost you. He is the one who lost.” 

“Well, she's stupid for letting you go too." Gwen said seriously, but then softly laughed. "Jen once said that she should marry Gavin next time."

Blake laughed. "It wouldn't last a week."

"Yeah, they would kill each other." She shook her head.

Blake's truck was standing on the side of a quiet, remote road at the top of a small hill, looking down into the arid desert, somewhere between California and Nevada. The two of them were lying in the back of his truck, facing the dark sky and the bright stars that it presented them with.

"I can't believe you brought me out to the middle of the desert." Gwen interrupted the serious and deep conversation they were having to laugh at that fact again.

Blake shrugged, softly laughing too. "I know it's not a big deal, but I had to improvise fast and I'm not very good at that, as you can see." He justified himself.

"Hey, I think it was great." She turned to face him and smiled. He smiled back, genuinely happy. 

The trip there lasted more than 4 hours and they had been talking for about the same time, without even noticing the hours passing. Gwen had told him everything that happened in Gavin's apartment and all the messy feelings and frustrations that were inside her. Blake felt a little guilty that she had been through it all because of his request, but it gave him some relief to know that he had managed to make her feel a little better since he had offered her his company. 

When he had promised to stay by her side for whatever she needed, he wasn't just saying it, he meant it.

The sky was very dark shade of blue and the only light that illuminated them was of the bright full moon and the stars. The reason why he brought her there was because it was far away from any city, so the bright stars were clearly visible in the clean, dark blue sky. It even looked like the Oklahoma sky and Blake had a false sense of being home there, and that was what he wanted Gwen to feel eventually.

"I think stars are so beautiful." He said suddenly, causing her to divert her attention from the sky to look at him. "Did you know that stars are created from dust and gases from shock waves and interstellar explosions?"

"What?" Gwen frowned in confusion. 

"Yeah, they are born out of a mess caused by something that doesn't depend on them." Blake kept talking. He was not looking at her, he was facing the sky and its thousands of stars. “And look how beautiful they are. Do you believe that something so beautiful could be born out of such a mess?” He finally turned to face her.

"Oh." Gwen understood the metaphor a little late, but she did. “Yes.” She answered, she just wasn't sure what the stars would be if their broken marriages were the mess. “You better write this down. If you don't, then I will.” 

Blake laughed, brushing that story about stars off his mind, but looking back at the sky.

The desert was cold in the middle of the night, even in May, so they had a thick wool blanket over their bodies. Gwen was laying with her head on a pillow and Blake was leaning against the cab of the truck now, so he wouldn’t fall asleep. Low music played on his cell phone until it was interrupted by the loud sound of an alarm. 

"Oh, time for your milkshake." He said.

Gwen laughed. "Did you set an alarm for this?" 

“Of course, I didn't bring you here to starve you. You need to eat, it's for the baby.” He explained while already pulling the cooler and opening it.

"Aw you are so sweet." Gwen sighed and the smile that danced on her lips just wouldn't go away. "Ok, I will take the milkshake."

“You're hungry, aren't you?" Blake asked, laughing, but handing her the travel cup. "We can go back home anytime you want."

"Oh no." She threw an arm over him, hugging his waist. “Can we stay just a little while longer? It is so peaceful and private here. Nobody knows where we are, nobody will disturb us. I want to get away from reality, just a little bit more.”

"As you wish, pretty girl." He smiled and Gwen's heart melted, so she looked at him with a dreamy smile. "Hey don't look at me like that, I might never let you go." He flirted. 

Gwen blushed and looked away, paying attention to the milkshake in her hand. He realized how hesitant she was about anything that seemed more intimate and deep, as opposed to any physical and carnal connection they had had so far. It was normal since her love life was still collapsing in her hand that night. 

She put the straw in her mouth and tasted the chocolate shake.

"Do you feel better?" Blake asked suddenly, changing the subject to keep her comfortable.

Gwen nodded and got up to also lean against the cab of the truck next to him. “I feel better, thanks to you. I can't believe we spent all this time together just talking. I needed this so badly.”

"I needed it too." He confessed, looking at her. "I was at Adam's house, I was going to talk to him, but I prefer to talk to you, because we are in this together, and we will only overcome this mess if we always tell the truth."

She frantically nodded as she swallowed another long sip of milkshake. "I promise you the truth." Gwen said, even though she knew she had gotten too used to lying in the last few years. “Will you promise me that you will tell me everything you feel? Regarding everything?”

"I promise." He had no trouble promising that. “We are going to talk about everything, exactly as easily as we just spent hours doing now. And I promise you the truth too.”

“Even if it's about the baby?" She went deeper, just to make sure they were completely on the same page. “I know we still don't know if it's your baby or not, but if you're feeling something, afraid of something, about to freak out, would you tell me? I don't want you to just disappear one day because you can’t take it, and make me wonder what made you leave us.”

"Hey." Blake almost interrupted her, even though he was calm and used his soft voice tone. "I'm not going anywhere, I told you." He made sure to make it clear.

One of his hands went up to caress her face, and they looked at each other intently. The light of the moon and stars was beautiful and bright, but nothing shone as brightly as Gwen's dark eyes. Blake's hand came down to play with a lock of her hair. 

“It could get overwhelming.” She told him, still insisting on that. “Would you tell me?”

“Yes.” He answered on spot. 

“What if you change your mind?”

“I won’t.” 

“What if the baby isn’t yours?”

That one made Blake hesitant. He hates that scenario. "I know we don't know if the baby is mine, but until we do, can we pretend it is?"

"What you mean?" Gwen asked, a little confused, but maybe it was the way the delicate touch of his fingers made her lose focus on anything else.

"I want to ignore the possibility that that man could be the father, as much as I can, if you don't mind." Blake asked, in a low, cautious tone. “It's just that I prefer to believe this baby is mine." He had more reasons to present, but she interrupted him.

"Yes." Gwen nodded. Then she laid against his shoulder. "I am actually afraid of the possibility of it not being yours."

“Me too." He confessed, leaning his head on hers. "So let's not think about it, ok?"

“Ok.”

And the brief silence took over. The crickets' chirping was the only sound they could hear for a little while.

Blake was completely absorbed in his thoughts when Gwen snuggled closer to his body, trying to escape from the cold breeze that was blowing. He lifted his head and put an arm around her shoulders, wrapping her in an embrace. Gwen laid against his chest, completely warm and comfortable. Blake then pulled the wool blanket closer to her, covering her up to the neck. 

He sighed deeply, inhaling the pleasant scent of her hair. “I wish I could take all your pain away." He said, putting his filters and walls aside for a moment, even though he didn’t plan that.

She lifted her head up to look at him. "You do." Gwen smiled sweetly. 

Blake lifted his other hand and touched her face in a delicate way. He wasn't kidding when he said that he wanted to free her from any and all pain or harm. The way he felt when he looked into her sweet, dark brown eyes was not something he was used to feel, Blake was fully aware of that. He was gradually indulging in a feeling that would probably tear him apart in a near future, but he was already too deep in it. There was no going back.

Blake looked at Gwen's lips and wished he could kiss them calmly and without haste. He wanted to be able to heal her, he wanted to care for her every day, and that was a feeling that scared him. He didn’t feel completely healed himself and knew that the task of caring for someone else was still too much for him to handle with his broken heart. He could not succeed in that task at all at that moment, if he assigned himself to it, he felt that he would probably disappoint her. But, oh how he wished he could.

Gwen had such great affection for him. She was definitely not ready for anything deep and was happy to accept Blake's proposal about enjoying the moment without thinking too much, after all, their situation seemed like it couldn't get any more messed up — with angry ex-spouses on both sides and a baby on the way — and they couldn't and shouldn't give themselves completely in to anything else that was uncertain. 

So why did that seem so right to her? Why did he have to drop everything and run to her whenever she needed him? Was it because of the baby? Was it because he felt responsible for her while she carried that child inside of her? It certainly wasn't what it seemed like. 

Gwen knew she should retreat, and it was what she wanted to do — teasing and leaving was her favorite self defense — but it was not what she did that cold night, in the middle of the dark desert. Gwen raised one hand as well and repeated Blake's movement, bringing it up to his face. She stroked his cheek slowly while he did the same to her. 

At that moment, when they looked at each other intensely — kind blue eyes into sweet dark brown ones — everyone else in the world faded and it seemed so right.

Gwen reached down to Blake's neck and pulled him a little closer to her. He was waiting for her movement, so involved and so absorbed by that moment that nothing else mattered, but still he respected her time, cause she mattered. And she closed her eyes when their noses brushed slightly and their lips pressed against each other, causing electricity, adrenaline rush and a warm, familiar feeling to their bodies, all at once.

Blake's hand intertwined in Gwen's hair as their tongues explored one another in a slow kiss that was completely unlike any they had exchanged before. While they were very into hurried kisses and all the physical contact that didn't require commitment and attachment, that kiss was much more than that. And even though they were afraid, their lips touching in that affectionate and meaningful way made it clear that everything would be fine. It was as if the kiss was saying: _I know it's complicated and everything is a mess, but can you feel this?_

And whatever that was, it seemed to be worth fighting for.

When Blake opened his eyes and broke the kiss, the dark blue sky had taken on a lighter color in the east, but that was not the reason that had driven him away from Gwen's lips. Inside the pocket of his pants, the phone vibrated for the second time in the few minutes they had disconnected from the world to focus on each other. Well, on each other's lips, actually. 

“Wait, I just want to see who's calling insistently like that in the middle of the night." He dug his hand into his pocket to pull out the phone. Gwen just laughed softly. “Oh" He said suddenly, when he looked at the screen.

"What?" She tensed briefly. 

"Jen has been calling me."

"Oh god” She pushed the blanket away and groped around the back of the truck until she found her own cell phone lost in between their legs. But the battery was dead. "Can you answer her? Oh my god, what time is it? My kids!”

“It's okay, calm down." Blake answered the call and put the phone on speaker. "Hey, Jen."

"Hm, Blake, where the hell are you?" Gwen's sister-in-law said. "I was about to call the police."

"It's a long story." He replied, a little intimidated to tell Jen that he had taken Gwen into the middle of the dark desert. 

“Is Gwen with you? How is she?"

"Yes, she is here." Blake laughed softly. “She can hear you." 

“Oh, hi bitch, what about turning your phone on?" Jen snorted. "I was so worried about you. I thought Blake had killed you and cut you into little pieces and I would have to live with the weight of knowing that I handed you over to him. ”

They laughed out loud together. 

“Hi, Jenny. I'm fine.” Gwen hopped in the conversation. “My phone's battery died. What happened? Why are you up and calling at 5:30 in the morning?”

“Oh, Leo is being special tonight. I barely slept.” Jen whined.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Gwen felt slightly guilty for leaving her with all the kids. "We will be there in a few hours and I can pick them all up so you can rest."

"Sounds like I will be in heaven then." Jen happily sighed. “And don't listen to me, Blake, kids are amazing. Bye, I don’t want to disturb your love making night any longer."

“Jenny!” Gwen scolded her.

“Bye Jen." Blake was laughing when she hung up. “Hey, you didn't sleep either. You should rest too.” He turned back to Gwen. 

“I'm fine, you're the one who's sleepy." She laughed. He could deny it, but it would be in vain, so he just shrugged. "I can drive back." She offered.

“No, I want you to rest. I can sleep when I get home, I don’t have kids to watch.” Blake immediately denied it.

“Hm stubborn." Gwen teased. “Yet. You don’t have kids yet.”

He laughed, but that thought was actually so good and terrifying at the same time. “Come on, it's cold. Let me take you home.”

Something about that sentence made Gwen's heart flutter in the best way possible. The butterflies in her stomach too. 

“Yeah. Take me home.”

  


***

  


"1... 2... 3... Here we go." With Apollo attached to her hips and Leo holding her hand, Gwen ran after Kingston, Stella and Zuma around the edge of the pool. 

The kids screamed excitedly, running away in different directions. Even the baby in her arms was having a great time.

It was past noon and the strategy of playing and swimming was purposeful, to tire the older kids and ensure that they all had incredible naps after lunch. She definitely needed that. Gwen was exhausted and did not even know how she could handle running after all the children still. 

She, and the two younger boys, cornered Zuma between a lounge chair and the grill, and suddenly it was his turn to catch someone.

Her middle son whined. "It's always me, I'm too slow."

“It's ok, baby, it's just a game." The mother smiled at him. “But now go play with your brother and Stella, I'm going to make sandwiches.” She brought her voice tone up so they could all hear her, but then turned back to the blonde little boy in front of her. “And stay out of the pool, Zuma, you don't know how to swim yet.”

Gwen took Apollo and Leo with her to the inside of the house, placing them in the high chairs while she positioned herself so that she could still see the older ones playing outside. 

Before starting to prepare lunch, she took the opportunity to check her phone for the first time in a while. There were no messages from Blake — he was probably still asleep after the sleepless night they spent together — but there were some calls from her manager, and texts, since she hadn't picked up the phone.

_We need to talk about this. Call me as soon as you can._ —The text had an article link attached and Gwen quickly clicked on it. 

A browser page opened and took longer than she would like to load, but when it did, Gwen thought her heart was going to stop. 

_Inside the shocking news of Gwen Stefani's ‘unwanted’ pregnancy._

The headline alone made Gwen feel sick. But it got worse on the subheading. 

_Pregnant at 45, the singer-songwriter doesn't know who her baby's father is. "She had an affair with Blake when they were both still married and the baby could be the result of their infidelity." A source very close to the country singer exclusively tells E! News._

Gwen's hand shook and her vision got blurry. She thought she would pass out from dread, so she dropped the phone and grabbed the kitchen counter to keep her body stable. Still, her eyes managed to read the name displayed right on top of the photo montage of her and Blake and her and Gavin side by side.

_'By Vickie Martinez'_


	15. They're circling me, cause I'm a hustler baby

The door opened much slower than he wanted it to, but the desolate figure of Gwen — with red eyes from crying all day long, and tired and hurt expressions — made Blake understand that maybe he needed even more time, because even all the time and preparation in the world couldn’t really prepare him for that image of her. Gwen didn't just seem upset, she seemed destroyed and it wasn't for nothing. Vickie's article had come out that morning, very early, but it had already done a lot of damage, and even though Blake had slept part of the day — before knowing about that mess —, he was already aware of everything and it was scary, to say the least. 

The article had ended up on all communication websites, it was the most commented and shared subject in the celebrity gossip world and it didn't seem that that would change anytime soon.

The most curious thing was that the story exposed was very serious and should be equally harmful to both involved, but obviously it wasn’t. The media and the public were mostly criticizing only Gwen and were too quick to throw her under the bus, but the repercussion was not the same for Blake himself, except for some fans and admirers of his future ex-wife — but even these were attacking Gwen much more fiercely than they did to him.

The point was that Blake didn't really know what to do, the whole thing was his fault, but the weight was all on her, and because of Gwen's current situation, she shouldn't be holding any weight, both literally and figuratively, and that distressed him a lot.

All he wanted to do was talk about it in his own words and clarify everything to the public, but he didn't want to go over her and that's why he had shown up there, after many failed attempts to contact her. 

"What are you doing here, Blake?" She was not surprised, she knew it was him at the door. She had opened the gate for him. 

"We need to talk so we can fix this." He was hesitant, of course. The whole mess was his fault and he was ready to take that blame, but he was afraid of her reaction and at that moment it was impossible to read her expressions.

“You shouldn't be here. People will talk about this too.” Gwen took a deep breath. She had only opened the door wide enough for him to see her face and part of her torso. She definitely wasn’t inviting him in.

"I don't care what people are going to say, I just care about what you're thinking now and I know I need to-" He was saying, but he was cut off sharply.

“Of course you don't care what people are saying, they are not talking about you, are they? They are talking about me. I am the marriages destroyer, including my own, I am the true image of sin, the heartless seducer and… what else? Oh, the pregnant bitch that doesn’t even know who is her baby’s father.” She sarcastically laughed, even though it seemed like she was going to start crying again soon. “It's easy for you, Blake. It just isn't that easy for me, so please respect that.”

"Don’t say that. It's not easy for me. I saw the things they are saying about you and I wanted to scream at all of them. I wanted to hurt them.” Blake sighed nervously. He had just lost all the speech he had in mind and his head was empty now. He had also lost all his confidence. “I wish I could say something about it. Tell the truth. We didn't do anything that wrong. I had signed my divorce already, you were separated. And the baby was not meant to be made that way. People don't know anything and they need to know.” Since everything he had planned to say was useless, Blake decided to just be honest and say what he felt inside his heart.

Gwen opened the door a little more, but still it was not an invitation for him. “I have a meeting soon, with my team and my manager." She explained. “We'll decide what to do and I'll let you know. But not yet, I have the kids.” She came over to the side and gave him space to look inside the house. 

Ahead he was able to see the older children sitting in the living room, in the little space on the couch that he could see from there. 

"Jen will come and get hers and Gavin will take mine."

“Gavin?" Blake looked away from the kids to look at her.

“Yes. He's coming to get them. I need time to work and fix this mess.” She explained.

"I don’t want to be invasive here, but don’t you think a judge should have to decide when he could see the kids or not, after the way he threatened you?” He really was briefly confused. Gwen was a smart woman, but she was also too good to have to deal with a jerk like Gavin. That was the reason why he was able to keep her under his power and manipulative behavior for so long.

“I thought about that, but they’re his children too. He has the right to see them. Also, I really need them to not be here right now.” Gwen explained, but the way she looked away from Blake made it clear that there was so much more to it. “

He tried very hard not to say anything, but it seemed like his chest was going to explode if he insisted on keeping it in. He cared too much about her to just be quiet about that. 

“You are afraid of him, aren't you?" Blake finally put that out. “Did he threaten you again? I can stay here if you want and make sure he is not going to be an asshole to you. Let me stay here with you.”

“No, Blake, are you crazy?" She shook her head right away. “He'll freak out even more if you're here. This has nothing to do with me being afraid of him, it has to do with my children. I can't even say how many times King saw me cry today. He's smart, he knows that I'm not having my best day. I don't want him to have to deal with this, he is too young. It’s not about Gavin. I can handle Gavin.”

“He will want to hurt you even more than you are already hurt and it is unfair." Blake took a step forward, firm and determined. “Let me help.”

“No!" Gwen made sure to deny it again, being as firm and imperative as he was. “I want you to leave. Now. This is all your fault.” Her tone was neither harsh nor angry, on the contrary, she sounded hurt and he preferred her to be angry with him.

“It's my fault, I know." Blake once again sounded honest and determined. He wasn't hurt that she blamed him. He blamed himself. “I said yes to Vickie when I never should have. Because I was never interested in her, I was already interested in you.” He stated, ignoring all the fear of rejection and the insecurity he felt. “Remember when I said I liked you? At that time I already liked you. We fought that day and I felt so bad because you didn't want me to be there for you, you didn't want me to be part of your lives, yours and the baby’s, and I wanted to be right here where I am today. I still do. I know that it doesn’t justify and I am not trying to justify anything, I just want you to know that I recognize that I am guilty. I really do."

Gwen needed a second of silence. Her messy head took a while to understand what Blake's words meant, and when she finally did, she had no idea about what she should say or do. She was definitely not used to that kind of honesty, she was used to people throwing things at her and treating everything as if it was her fault and responsibility. Blake was taking his blame and supporting her nonetheless, so she was speechless, but she appreciated that. However, she appreciated it in silence.

“I will do whatever you want me to do to fix this. I just want to fix it. So tell me what to do and I will do it.” Once again, she didn't know what to do, but she knew she had to say something. 

Gwen didn't want Blake to be too harmed by that mistake. They were human after all, and she herself had made so many mistakes that she couldn't even count them, but she wasn't completely comfortable with the situation yet either. When she thought about the horrible things people were saying about her since early in the morning, it almost drove her over the edge again, but Gwen took a deep breath and nodded.

"I appreciate that, Blake." She said, finally. Her voice was no more than an uncertain whisper. “But I need you to leave, if you don't intend to make the situation worse for me." She was also clear and honest. “We'll talk later, when I have an idea of the next step I'll call you.” 

"Ok" He agreed. It was fair, so he would wait. "Call me when you know what we're going to do."

“Don't do anything before that, ok? Please."

"I won’t." Blake assured her.

"Wait for me." She asked him.

“I'll wait for you." He would. And in so many ways that she didn’t even know yet.

  


***

  


She didn't have to open the gate for him, not even the house door after that. Gavin came in uninvited, using his own keys, that she let him keep for emergencies. But Gwen didn't want to add that problem to her list of recent stress, so she stayed in the living room while he waited for the kids in the hall.

“Come on, boys. Time to go.” He announced his arrival by shouting at the older boys, and then cast a disgruntled look in Gwen's direction. 

She wished she could stay away, in the other room, but she was holding Apollo in her arms and she would have to take him to his father, or Gavin would probably come over to pick him up anyway.

“Can you bring him here? I don't have time for this shit.” The way he said that was so aggressive that she decided to do that without arguing. 

Gwen knew right there that he had heard about the article and was very angry. Her body shook slightly with fear as she walked slowly towards him. Gavin took Apollo in his arms and then she gave him the diaper bag.

“They haven't had dinner yet. Try to feed him dinner early so you can give him a bottle before he goes to sleep, this way he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night.” 

"I know how to take care of my children." He fired.

"I know, I’m just trying to-"

"You have no right to tell me what to do after the way you fucked up our lives." He interrupted her, being rude and aggressive again.

“The way I fucked up our lives? You fucked up our lives for not being able to keep your dick in your pants.” She fired back this time, not holding back anymore.

Gavin seemed to freeze at her answer, and his face gradually turned red. 

"Shut up. I don't even know what I'm capable of doing if you don't shut up right now. I’ve had enough of you, fucking liar.” He said angrily between his teeth.

“Daddy!" Zuma and Kingston went down to the hall with their big backpacks on their backs.

"Hey, big boys!" The father immediately softened his expressions and smiled at them. “Are you ready to go yet? Why don't you wait in the car?” Gavin opened the door for them.

Gwen took a few minutes to say goodbye to the older ones and then kissed Apollo's cheeks, who immediately tried to get rid of his father's arms to return to his mother. Gavin had to hold him tight and pulled him away from her. 

She felt like crying when she saw her children walking out the door to stay away from her for so long. Gavin had agreed to pick them up that day, but on the condition that they would stay with him all week, and Gwen had to accept it. She had no other choice.

“I'm right behind you." He said to them, but closed the door soon after they went out, and turned to Gwen again. “Was it him who let the story out? Don't lie to me, the article said he told everything to his girlfriend. He's an idiot.”

“It doesn't matter, Gavin." Gwen rolled her eyes. Her anger was overcoming anything now. 

“It matters!” He raised his aggressive tone and made Apollo flinch in his arms. The boy soon started to cry.

Gwen started to take a step forward to comfort her son, but Gavin took the boy away from her again, and the way Apollo reached for her made Gwen's heart break and her face contorted right before she let out a loud sob and gave up on holding the cry she had been holding inside since Blake had left there.

"Oh, and there she goes again." Gavin scoffed. "The sad victim who was actually fucking another man this whole time."

"You know this isn’t true." Even though she was crying, she still defended herself. "You know the real story."

"I don’t fucking care." He yelled while shaking his head. Gavin took a step forward and Gwen retracted against the wall. “I just think it's funny that he already dumped you and that you are alone. It's what you deserve.”

"What the fuck is this?" Jen's voice took them both by surprise. None of them had noticed when she walked in. "What are you doing here? Get the fuck away from her.”

“I came to pick up my children." He answered with a frown, but turned away from Gwen. "It's none of your business anyway.” 

“You already have them, now get out. The boys are alone in the car while you’re here terrorizing their mother. Aren’t you ashamed of the fucking asshole you are, Gavin? Don’t you feel just a little guilt after you treat her like that? You’re garbage.” Jen didn’t hold anything back, and she was yelling at him.

“Jen.” Gwen tried to make her stop because of Apollo, but she wasn’t able to. 

“Save us from your nasty presence, our days are much better without you.” She finished, fearless, and then walked past him to stand beside Gwen. 

“Oh, fuck it." Gavin threw a hand in the air and turned his back on them, heading for the door, still with Apollo in his arms. 

"Fuck you, Gavin Rossdale." Jen yelled again, with a full chest, and the house door slammed loudly after he left.

Then silence, and Gwen’s soft sob was all they heard.

“It's okay, Sis, I'm here now. Come with me, I’ve got you." She took her sister in law by the shoulders and turned her to guide her across the hall and into the living room. “Where are my little creatures?"

  


***

  


"Blake?" When the door opened quickly and he was greeted with a smile, Blake had to concentrate really hard not to fully scream at her. It was clear to him, with that attitude, that Vickie didn't care about anything she had done. "Will this be a friendly conversation or do I have to call the police?" The journalist asked, still focusing on maintaining pleasant facial expressions, but seeming to have noticed his unfriendly features.

“It won't be a long enough conversation for you to have to call the police. In fact, I'm going to stay right here.” He said, referring to the fact that he was standing in front of her door, outside her house, and would stay there.

In fact, he only knew where her house was because he had picked Vickie up there the day they almost had a date.

“It sounds fair." She broke her smile, but kept her face calm and still friendly. Blake, for his part, had a disgruntled and serious countenance. "What are you doing here then?" 

“I came here because I wanted to look you in the eye and I was hoping to find a sign of regret in you, but I see now that you’re just a selfish jerk and that’s it.” He replied, unfiltered and unbothered.

"Oh, I definitely don't need to stay here listening to you criticizing me, so if you came here for this, you’ve wasted your time." She started to close the door, but he reached out and stopped her with only one hand against the heavy wood.

“You will listen to me." Blake's voice was imperative and impatient. “You can't go around destroying people's lives and getting away with it. You have to at least hear what I have to say.” 

“I didn't do anything to you really. I took it easy on you actually, because I think you’re a nice guy, Blake.” The reporter shrugged. 

“You know the effect this will have on her, you know that you destroyed her life for nothing, when I was the one who rejected you. How can you sleep at night?” He was still standing at the door, saying everything he thought he should say. “If you wanted revenge, why didn’t you take it out on me?”

Vickie sighed wearily, as if she had already had to give that speech many times. “I think you got it all wrong, Blake. None of this has to do with rejection, revenge or jealousy. It was a job opportunity and I took it. It's not personal to you or to her. People don't really care about gossip about cowboys, they prefer to criticize women. Gwen was collateral damage.” She explained. “We had a half date, you know? I’m not in love with you. Would it be cool to go out with you? Most likely. Are you very hot and attractive? Yes, you are. But so am I and I wouldn't die because you said your life is too complicated for dating. I can see that your life is complicated, I’ve already seen it at the time.”

"So you decided to ask me out because you were looking for a story?" Blake asked, somewhat incredulous. 

“Well, not exactly. Like I said, you're an attractive guy, but I'm a journalist, I'm always looking for a story. I just didn't know that I would find something so exclusive and scandalous.” Vickie was honest. She didn't have to hide anything anymore. “I'm sorry for Gwen though, it’s just my job." She finished with that. 

"Don't you dare say her name again." Blake fired. “What you did to her was disgusting. You can expect it to come back to you. I will make sure of that.”

“This is cute. But was it a threat?” She asked, still seeming unbothered. “In my line of work, you learn how to deal with threats very well. I can still make matters worse if you really want to continue this game. I can write about the common bathroom on the set of ‘The Voice’.” She clearly threatened him there.

"You don't know anything about what happened in there." He gave her a menacing look.

"Maybe I don't know. But maybe I can just say anything, and, for the moment, people will listen to me." Vickie shrugged. 

"Look Vickie, you're right, I'm a nice guy, but I have no limits when people mess with the people I love." Blake said, but that was still far from being all he wanted to say. He met her eyes then. “You can forget about your job for ‘The Voice’, I’ll make sure you can never step on that set again. And if you mess with Gwen any more, I can go deeper.”

“Oh, again, this is cute, but it definitely sounded like a threat." The interviewer pointed out. “Don't forget what I said, Blake. Maybe I will write about this very conversation that we are having right now. I’m pretty sure you just said something about love.”

“You can write about anything you want, nothing will hurt us anymore. We will make you sound ridiculous so no one believes you. We will be protected against you.” He warned and shrugged, turning to end that conversation and leave. “My patience for you is over. If it's a game, then let's play.”

“Let’s play then. It’s probably not the last time you will hear from me then, Blake Shelton."

“Same here, Vickie. Game’s on.”

  


***

  


It was after midnight and the house was completely in the dark, but Blake couldn't sleep. He was laying on the couch with the tv on, volume so low it was almost on mute. He wasn’t really watching anything, he was lost in his deep thoughts. 

Blake had spent the whole night waiting for Gwen to call him. A call that never came, and he had decided not to try to contact her anymore, since she had made it clear that she would call when she could and he had promised to wait. And he waited for hours on end, but was no longer expecting any calls so late at night. Although he kept thinking about how she must be completely alone just like he was, but much more affected by all that mess that he had helped make. But there was a chance that she was surrounded by loved ones who were looking after her, or maybe the team meeting was still going on and they were all helping her cope somehow. He preferred to think like that, even if he didn't really believe in that option. 

Remembering how sad, hurt and destroyed she looked when he went to see her was breaking Blake's heart over and over again, in a thousand little pieces. And it was all his fault. As much as he only wished the best for Gwen, he still managed to hurt her. Perhaps that was his way of loving. Blake was starting to think he had been cursed, and if he continued like that, he would end up causing her as much harm as he believed he had caused Miranda.  
And speaking of his ex-wife, she had been trying to contact him since early in the afternoon, whether by phone or message, probably because of the same article. Blake still expected her to show up at his door at any moment, but he would be better prepared that time, after all, he had changed the locks and she could no longer walk in without being invited. 

For that very reason, Blake felt a cold shiver go up his spine when he heard a faint knock on the door about half past midnight. He turned off the TV and took advantage of the lights out to pretend he was no longer awake, but still he made his way to the front door and peered through the peephole.

Blake didn't really see anyone, the front of his house was empty, which seemed very strange, so he pulled the curtain a little off the window that faced the front porch and peeked outside. That was when he saw her, leaning against the wall on the left, not quite in the direction of the door. And it wasn't Miranda, it was Gwen, so Blake opened the door.

"You should lock the gate sometimes." She said when they faced each other.

"At least you didn't take it down this time." He joked and they both laughed. But Gwen's smile was weak, he noticed. “Are you ok?"

His question was impossible to answer. She felt physically exhausted and emotionally destroyed. Her life seemed like a crazy roller coaster, full of ups and downs, but Gwen was holding on tight, even when all she wanted to do was let go sometimes. And in that moment, at Blake's door and in his presence only, she let go. Her body shook and forced her to lean against the wall behind her. The desperate but silent cry was something she needed to get out, but had been avoiding since morning, and it was nothing like what she had let slip in front of Gavin, it was way more painful and it came from inside her soul, just because she didn’t know how to answer that question.

Blake said nothing, he reached for her with one arm and carefully, but easily, pulled her into the house, closing the door behind her. When the two of them were alone and protected by all the walls, doors and the roof, he pulled Gwen to him and enfolded her in a tight hug, wrapping his long arms around her body easily and snuggling her against his chest.

She easily indulged in that comforting act of his, and even though her crying got worse and heavier, it was an act of relief, really. 

"I'm right here." Blake whispered to her, stroking her back with one hand as he held her close to him with the other arm. 

"I feel so alone." Gwen confessed, letting out a loud, sad sob. She had never said that to anyone before. “I just had to write a statement about how my marriage had been failing for years and I tried to hold on as long as I could, but it ended anyway. I had to say that I am sad and that I am trying to do what’s best for my children. It's that simple for everyone, but it's not that simple to me. It’s much deeper and it’s so scary. I mean, what am I now? I am nothing but a failure. I failed my kids too, not just my marriage.”

“You didn’t fail anyone. Gavin and the terrible choices he made failed you and the kids.” Blake corrected her calmly, still caressing her and giving her all the freedom to talk about whatever she wanted, but without putting herself down like that. “You tried hard, it's true. He was a cheater.”

"People think I'm the unfaithful one now." She sighed, gradually controlling her crying so she could talk properly.

“And this is my fault, and I can't even express how I regret all of this." He said, honestly. "I'm so sorry. I promise never to do anything to hurt you again.” His soft voice and careful tone made Gwen feel immediately warm and cared for.

"I don't blame you, it's ok." She raised one hand to caress his shoulder. “I know you would never do something like that on purpose. And you may have let the news about my pregnancy slip because you were distracted and excited, but the choice to write an article about it was hers. I was unfair when I blamed you.”

"I talked to her." Blake confessed. He wouldn't hide anything from Gwen anymore. “She still had the nerve to say that she can write more articles, but I’ve already talked to some people I know and I will guarantee that she will never step on that set again. I don't want her anywhere near you.”

"She better not get anywhere near me, because I could... I don't even know what I would be capable of." 

That made Blake laugh under his breath. He stroked her hair. “What else do you need me to do now? To fix this whole mess.”

“Maybe you shouldn't be doing anything now. Maybe we shouldn't be talking about the baby. Or about this.” She pointed to the two of them and the way they were hugging. 

'This' was an undefined term, and it was perfect, because neither of them really knew what that was yet. 

“In my statement I said that I am pregnant, but I made it clear that I am not going to talk about it because it is a private matter. So let's leave it at that.” She said. 

“Whatever you want is what we will do." Blake's hand slowly went up and down Gwen's back again, caressing her lightly. "About what you said before…” He was briefly insecure again, and his throat dried up, but Blake cleared it to kept talking. “Let me take care of you. You don't have to be alone.”

"I don't want to be alone, can I stay with you?" Gwen whispered, and her tone was shy, as if she had to be ashamed of that request. 

Blake noticed, but he focused only on the fact that she wanted to be with him, even after everything he had done unintentionally or not. His arms tightened around her and he planted a tender, lingering kiss on her forehead.

"Yes. Always." Blake whispered back, making Gwen's heart fix another little piece that had been previously broken.

That night they went up to his room and laid down together. They talked for hours again, a whole other night, until they both fell asleep from exhaustion. And they slept together, in the same bed. No sex this time. The only physical contact was the way they held each other all night, until morning light came slipping through the thin curtains, as if that comforting hug was enough to heal their affliction and mend their broken hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺❤️


	16. This is a feeling I'm not used to

The weather was hot and dry again, and as summer approached, the propensity was only to get worse and worse. Blake felt that he was already sweating just because he had walked out of the car. But his hands were sweating for another reason. He used one of them to ring the doorbell and the other was firmly holding a large flower arrangement. 

After a few seconds, the door opened, but it was not Gwen who answered. An older, burly woman with salt and pepper hair tied up in a bun stared at him with friendly features, from inside the house. That figure briefly confused him, but soon he remembered that Gwen had said something about having hired a new housekeeper who would help around the house and with the children.

"Hi, I'm Blake." He still felt like his hand was sweaty — he was so nervous — so he wiped it on his jeans before offering to greet the lady.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Shelton." She shook his hand quickly and smiled politely. “I’m Marissa, the new housekeeper.” Her eyes keep going back to the beautiful flowers in his other hand. 

Blake smiled too and then the woman invited him in.

“Ms. Stefani is in the kitchen with the little one.” The woman informed him. “She said you’re welcome to join her.” Marissa told him, and excused herself with a quick nod. She didn’t follow him, she left him and went the other way, to take care of her own tasks and give them privacy. 

It was a Monday morning, around 9 am. About two weeks after Vickie's article was spread all over the internet and gained visibility in much of the world. Many things had changed since then. The initial terror had passed and they even managed to laugh about all that at times, but it was not like the media had given them a break, or the industry. However, It didn't really matter at the time anyway, since other than ‘The Voice’, the two were not planning any new work projects. Gwen much less. 

"Do you see it?" She was standing in front of the big kitchen windows that showed the entire backyard of the house. Apollo was in her arms, and they both seemed to be watching something outside. "It's a yellow birdie."

“Hi, birdie."The little boy waved his hand.

“Aw good job, baby. Hi birdie.” She proudly chuckled and kissed Apollo's head. 

That was when Gwen seemed to realize that they were no longer alone in the kitchen. And Blake didn't even realize that he had been staring at that scene in silence for so long. 

"Hi Blake!" She said, excitedly, as she put the little boy down. “Oh wow! What is this?" She couldn't stop giggling as she watched him approach with the beautiful flowers bouquet.

"Hey! These are for you." Blake smiled at her and came over to hand the flowers to her and kiss the top of her forehead while Gwen held the gift in her arms. 

Blake then paid attention to Apollo, who had come to him curiously. He picked the boy up. “Hi little buddy!”

While they interacted, Gwen was very surprised looking at the flower arrangement. The bouquet was a mix of long, bright yellow sunflowers and sweet, light pink roses. It was the most cheerful and lovely mix of flowers she had ever seen, and it represented their current relationship well, which was something light and not exactly labeled, but it was making that moment in their lives happier for both of them, regardless of them looking at it as a friendship with certain benefits or a flourishing romance. The yellow and pink bouquet was friendly and romantic at the same time. 

"They are so beautiful, thank you." Gwen smiled as she smelled and enjoyed the flower arrangement in her arms. “Why did you bring me flowers?" She was happy with that and still very surprised, but she couldn't deny that she was confused too.

“For no specific reason. Did I need a reason? Was it a bad thing?” He immediately seemed to overthink that and Gwen noticed just by the way he had questioned if it was a bad decision out loud. 

Blake put Apollo down just because he felt like he needed to be doing something else with his body, to get distracted from his own insecure thoughts. 

"No. No, you didn't need a specific reason. I loved it, it was really sweet, thanks.” She quickly assured him, but felt like she needed to change the subject. "What are you doing here? I thought you had to spend the day on set today, rehearsing for the battles.” 

Gwen approached the large marble table to take the old flowers out of a glass vase and place the new ones that Blake had just brought her.

"Yeah, I can't stay too long, I still have to do this." He explained.

“Have you met Marissa?” She asked, almost interrupting him. Gwen seemed slightly distracted, changing from subject to other subject too quickly, but he didn't really mind. “She is a great person and has helped me a lot. I finally feel like I have a good support system, with Jen, Marissa and you.” She was telling him, without forgetting to include him too. “The boys love her, except for King, he still needs to get used to her, he's so defensive." 

Blake found that strange. “Why does he feel that way? Did you talk to him?" He had never seen Kingston react that way to any new person, and when they were on set he always had many different people around him and never seemed to mind.

“Yes, I did. He said he would prefer that we don’t have anyone at home who is not family.” She explained. It got even stranger, so Blake frowned. "I know, it’s weird. I think maybe he knew about his father and thinks that with a new person everything will happen again." She said what she had been thinking for days, but hadn't had the courage to tell anyone yet.

"Oh wow." He was very surprised, but that made a lot of sense to him. “Do you think he saw it?" 

“Maybe.” Gwen sighed. “Maybe he just noticed, or heard something. Anyway, it is really bad.”

"I'm sorry." Blake reached for her shoulder and squeezed it lightly. 

She waved her hand in the air. "It doesn't matter, he's not here anymore."

“That's right." He nodded and then went back to the previous topic, which was the reason why he was there. “So, I decided to come here because I wanted to invite you to something."

Apollo was tapping his small hands on the window, and distracted her, so Gwen turned to hold his arm and keep him from doing that. Because of that movement, Blake was able to briefly see the small and subtle pregnant bump she already had, and that the long loose dress she wore tried to hide at all times. That was another change that had happened over the past two weeks, and that little baby bump on her lower belly never failed to completely amaze him every time Blake had the privilege of seeing it, whether it was in person — like at that time — or in pictures. Gwen used to sent many of those, with every change she noticed.

That sight also never failed to make him very anxious either. Every time that bump grew, he knew they were closer to having a baby and he didn't even know yet if he would be anything close to a good father. And for them he wanted to be the best.

"Invite me to what?" Her voice had a sudden curious tone and it brought him back to reality and away from all his baby thoughts.

Blake had to concentrate to get back to the subject. "Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?" He asked directly, gathering all the courage he had inside him. “Just you and me, at my house. Like a date.”

"A date?" Gwen felt the butterflies in her stomach flutter slightly. 

“Yes." Even with a dry throat and a huge fear of rejection, he made his intentions clear.

“Oh, I can’t." Somewhat uncomfortable, Gwen bent down to pick up Apollo and take the boy to his high chair, just because she needed to occupy herself with something else. 

“Oh, ok.” He was immediately discouraged and completely let his insecurities fill his chest.

“At least not tonight. Gavin is coming over for dinner. Kingston has been asking me for a family dinner for a long time and I think it's a good opportunity to have a serious conversation about divorce. He's been avoiding me.” He didn't even know if he was listening properly, his heart was pounding and he was suffocated between the feeling of rejection and the anger he felt towards her ex-husband and how much he seemed to be able to ruin everything. “But I want this. Can we have our date tomorrow?” 

The relief that Blake felt when he heard that question was like the first sip of water when you are about to die of thirst. He took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes of course. I will move some things around.” He smiled with relief. “I plan on going to Oklahoma as soon as we are finished with rehearsals, but I am coming back for the battles, of course."

“Oh, you are going to Oklahoma soon?" Gwen seemed a little disappointed.

“Yes, I was planning on leaving on Wednesday. I can’t just abandon the land. Why?" He realized her somewhat gloomy features, of course.

“The baby has an appointment next week. I thought you might want to go. It's an ultrasound.” She explained, making it clear why that news about his trip had bothered her a bit.

“I didn’t know about that." Blake said, taking a few steps to approach her. “Of course, I want to be there. Forget about Oklahoma, I'll be here with you.”

"Really?" She smiled excitedly. “Ok, I'll text you the details later, but I'm so excited."

"I’m excited too." Blake smiled back and hugged her from behind. "Do we get to see orange baby then?” He was referring to the baby's size. 

It was always too hard to visualize how big it was getting just by inches and pounds, so Gwen had implemented a system in which they referred to the baby's measurements according to fruit sizes, so it was much easier for Blake, who had no experience with that, to understand and monitor his baby’s development. 

“Yes we will get to see it again.” She happily confirmed that. 

He then placed a hand over her lower belly. His palm was even bigger than her delicate little baby bump, and just one hand covered it all. He stroked it lightly while she leaned against his chest.

"Hi, orange baby." He whispered, as if he was really talking to a baby.

Gwen chuckled and placed her hand over his. Her fingers lightly stroked him as he carefully caressed the small bump on her lower belly. 

“You are so beautiful." Blake continued to whisper. "I didn't even know you could look even more beautiful than you already were." 

“Because of the baby bump?" Gwen turned to look at him, frowning. Automatically her insecurities kicked in, causing her to adjust the loose dress over her waist to hide the bump again.

Blake noticed that, but he didn't speak about it directly. “Just in general." He started to say, but that wasn't all. “But yes, this small baby bump may not be a big deal to you, but it is so impressive to me and so beautiful. I can barely take my eyes off of you.”

"Stop it!" She hid behind Apollo's high chair. "I don't want to think about you staring at my belly all the time."

"You stop it." Blake pulled her back to him. “You are being silly." He hugged her, his two arms holding her tightly, but carefully, against him body, facing him.

"Well, it won't be cute until the end, you will see." She grunted, frowning. “Pregnancy has nothing to do with the fairytale people tell. It's complicated and it’s ugly and we still have 25 weeks to go.”

"I don’t care." Blake kissed her cheek several times, causing her scowl to disappear and a laugh to take its place. “It's still cute. It will be until the end.”

“Hm." Gwen smiled and looked into his blue, beautiful eyes. “You are kind of cute."

“Hey, my mom says that a lot." He said. 

She laughed and that made Apollo laugh too. The two of them looked at the little boy and they all ended up laughing together just because it was a happy, carefree moment.

Blake then broke their hug to get Apollo out of his high chair. “Come on, little buddy, I see that your mom never finished her breakfast." Apollo's small body quickly snuggled in Blake's large arms and the little boy watched him with an excited smile as he spoke, as if his tone was funny. “What do you say we go play in the playpen, just you and me while she finishes eating? She has to eat.” He exchanged looks between Apollo and Gwen.

"But what about your work and The Voice?" She asked, still smiling at the cute moment the two of them were having. "You hate being late, I know."

“I'm sure 10 minutes won’t kill me or kill anyone. I’m always waiting around there anyway.”

"I don't know if you can fit in the playpen." She laughed.

"I will figure something out." He shrugged.

“Ok.” She just couldn’t stop smiling.

Gwen felt such a strange euphoria inside her, a good feeling, as if she could tell that everything was slowly falling into place in her life and inside of her as well. There was a great feeling of affection and admiration for Blake too, she couldn't deny it. 

"Thank you, Blake." She came over and kissed his cheek.

“Eat your breakfast, pretty girl." He smiled at her. 

And then he turned to leave the room with Apollo. The boy didn't even complain, he went with Blake to the living room and the two of them somehow ended up inside the playpen. Yes, both of them. Gwen laughed from afar when she saw that Blake's legs barely fit stretched into the small space, and he had to bend his knees, but something about the fact that Apollo was just all over him and seemed so excited because an adult was really interested in playing with him warmed her heart. She felt so perfectly in the right place and surrounded by the right people that it was even a little scary. She was honestly really afraid of getting used to that good feeling and then having it taken away from her. Gwen didn’t know if she could survive that. 

  


***

  


Although Gwen was somewhat afraid of that night and that dinner, everything ended up going much better than she expected. Gavin had arrived on time, he did not delay the children's dinner or bedtime, and he also behaved properly. He didn’t even seem like the same person who was not even texting her back days ago. 

They spent the entire dinner focusing on their children and everything about them. School, free time, extra activities, new games, plans and even a couple of problems. After the boys finished eating and Apollo was already sleepy, rubbing his eyes while sitting on his mother's lap — because it was already past his bedtime — it was time for dessert. Gavin had brought a chocolate soufflé from the kids' favorite restaurant, and they were very excited about it.

“Are you sure you don't want a piece, honey? I know you love chocolate.” He insisted again. Gwen was trying to prevent Apollo from smearing himself with the single small spoon of chocolate she was letting him eat for dessert.

"No, thank you. Chocolate has been making me sick, actually.” She denied again. 

“Oh." He understood it was a pregnancy thing right away. “It makes me really upset that I don't know about these things, you know? It bothers me that I am not here for that, just as I am not going to be here for little baby things either.” Gavin gave his speech, as if he was being unfairly harmed in that situation.

"What baby?" Kingston asked. He didn’t understood that that conversation did not include him and his brothers.

“What? They don’t know yet?" Gavin seemed really surprised. “But everyone can tell just by looking at you now."

"No, they don't know, I was hoping to-” She started to explain, but was quickly and rudely interrupted.

"We're going to have another baby, boys." He told them all without even hesitating. “Mom is pregnant."

“What? Another baby, really?” Zuma got up from his chair to jump up and down. “Oh my god, thank you mommy. I was going to ask Santa for a baby brother.” He went over to where Gwen was sitting and hugged her.

She was definitely not happy with the important revelation being thrown at them that way, but she didn't let her frustrations ruin that moment even more. She hugged her middle son back, and Apollo complained about that.

“Another baby?" Kingston didn't look nearly as excited as his brother. “But you're never home anymore, dad."

“Well, that's because mom and dad are going to live separately now. You know that, you've been to his new apartment and everything, haven't you?” Gwen took the opportunity to talk about something else that her children needed to understand. “We are going to have our house and Dad is going to have his house and you are going to spend a lot of time here and there. As we are already doing.”

"Why?" King seemed even less excited about anything, and more confused and hurt, but Zuma was already distracted by the chocolate again. “This is daddy’s house too, right?”

"Don't worry, buddy." Gavin winked at him. “Daddy will be back home soon. It's just temporary."

"Don’t say that!" Gwen's voice tone changed to one that sounded like a warning. “It's not true. Don’t lie to him, you’re not making things better like this.”

“It's not a lie." He corrected her, this time with a harsh tone. “It is a hopeful thought."

"Well, it won't happen." She too had lost her patience.

“Please don't fight." Kingston had gotten up and approached them a little. Even Zuma was paying attention, even though his mouth was full of chocolate. “I don’t want to talk about it if you’re going to fight. I don’t want another baby brother either.”

A brief silence took over the room.

“We are not going to fight." Gwen assured, rubbing the eldest son's arm lightly when she noticed Gavin wasn’t going to do anything about it. “That's why we are living in different houses, so we don't fight so much."

"But Daddy said he'll be back." Zuma added. "He will come back home, right?” He asked. 

That almost caused Gwen to freak out with Gavin right there, in front of the kids again, but she held on to her anger and just shot her husband a displeased look.

“Ok, it's time for bed." She said, and the boys all whined, except Apollo, who was already dozing off in her arms. "Yes. it's past bedtime. Your father will put you two to bed while I take care of Apollo.” She told them, but was actually just letting Gavin know what the plan was. “Make sure they brush their teeth really good."

“I know how to take care of my-"

"I know, Gavin." She interrupted him this time. “Then do your job. We will talk after they are in bed.”

Along with the two older boys, Gavin disappeared upstairs, and Gwen waited for a while until the mess and the noise on the top floor calmed down a bit and then went up with Apollo, but even though she had to wake him up a little to brush his teeth and get him ready for bed, the younger boy soon went right back too sleep.

When all the boys were lying in their proper beds, Gwen and Gavin were reunited downstairs. Alone.

"You shouldn't have said anything about the pregnancy without talking to me first." She was soon telling him. "I didn't want them to know anything before we solved this paternity issue."

“But that is what I mean. There’s no need for any doubts about paternity or whatever.” He said, as if it was that simple. “This baby is mine, period."

“But it may not be, you know that." She corrected him, somewhat shocked that Gavin was saying those things. "It could be Blake's."

“Oh fuck Blake." He rolled his eyes. "We are a family. Make him leave. Tell him to stop looking for you and let's stay together.” Gavin got closer to her. “There’s no need for a paternity test, I will raise this child with you regardless. We have 3 other boys anyway.” He reached to her with his arm as if to touch her baby bump, and Gwen quickly backed away.

"I won’t do that. And don't touch me, I don't feel comfortable.” She looked at him as if he was crazy.

"Well, get over it, it's my baby in there."

"It may not be yours." She repeated on purpose. "We will find that out soon."

“Well fine, and when are we going to find out, do you have any idea? Because I honestly would love to know then.” He asked, getting away from her and pulling a chair back from the dining table to sit down.

"I have an appointment next week and I want to talk to the obstetrician about it first, to know the best thing we can do.” Gwen explained, trying to keep the conversation civilized and calm. She was also trying not to be offended by every single word that came out of his mouth.

“You have an appointment? Is it about the baby?” Gavin asked.

“Yes, it's an ultrasound and some other tests." She answered. 

"Don't you think I should know about these things?" Gavin's tone was a little harsh again, but he soon fixed it. “Do you want company?"

"No, I have company." Gwen immediately refused it.

“What? Who?" He asked, but seemed to get to the answer without needing help. “Really? Shelton? Why are you doing this, Gwen? You know this is not going to go anywhere.” He sighed. "This guy is going to be very interested and very helpful at first because he has a crush on you, but I want to see him hanging around you when you're 3 times bigger than you are now." 

She opened her mouth to say something rude, but took a deep breath and closed it again. “This is our problem. It is not your problem.”

“Well, this baby is my problem, so if he can go to the appointment, I can too." Gavin shrugged.

"Why? You didn't go to one single appointment when I was pregnant with Apollo, or even Zuma.” She went straight to the point.

"I was busy at the time, I am not busy now." He justified himself, but he seemed a little irritated that she had pointed that out. 

"It sounds like a stupid competition to me." Gwen shrugged too.

"It doesn't matter, I have a right, unless you prove that this baby is not mine." Gavin insisted.

“Fine. Sign the papers.” She crossed her arms.

"What papers?" He looked confused for a second, but then he seemed to understand too.

"Divorce papers." Gwen clarified. "My lawyer sent everything to you a few weeks ago, and instead of reading and signing, you started to avoid me."

“Are you even serious?" He quickly got up from the chair. Trying to intimidate Gwen from a new position.

But she didn't seem intimidated. "Yes I’m serious. Do you want to go to the baby’s appointment? Then sign the papers. This is how our relationship will be from now on. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you, otherwise we won’t get anywhere.” She stood her ground too.

“You are giving up and fucking our lives again." He shook his head. "Typical of you." 

"I gave up a long time ago, Gavin.” She sighed. 

Gavin seemed a little surprised by the honesty. 

After a few seconds when he just stared at her, seeming incredulous, Gwen saw his eyes become even darker and take on a sinister glow. “Careful, I can make your life hell after that article. I can do worse than that shitty reporter.” He threatened. It seemed like that was his brand now.

"Oh but you already did." She didn't seem even a little bit frightened, and she really wasn't. Gwen completely trusted her current support system. "I'm not afraid of you."

“You are unbelievable." Gavin shook his head and turned to the hall. "I will think about the papers." He complained, but gave in.

Gwen followed him just to make sure he would really leave, so she could lock the door. 

"Thanks." She thanked him simply on impulse.

"Don't thank me." He opened the door. “Maybe I'm the one who doesn't want you anymore." And he slammed it as soon as he passed through it. Another thing that was becoming his brand.

"Hopefully." Gwen whispered and rolled her eyes as she watched through the window as he walked away. 

She was relieved to be free for the night, but she was fully aware that she would never, in her whole life, be completely free from Gavin. They shared many things, their children being the most significant one. All she could do then was hope that baby wasn't his too.

  


***

  


"Do you know what I noticed today talking to Gavin?" Gwen was laying on the bed, delicately rubbing lotion over her small pregnant belly as she talked to Blake on speaker phone. Her phone was probably hiding somewhere in the covers by then.

"Hm?" She heard him question on the other end of the line.

“That we will never get rid of them. Even if you don't have children with Miranda, she will always be your ex wife and Gavin will always be my ex husband. That sucks, doesn't it? ” 

“I think it is easier for me though, without children." Blake said, his voice was somewhat sleepy. “If I don't want to, I don't have to see her ever again in my life."

“Yeah, but you can't erase the fact that you were married to her." She had a good point. “You will never be able to get rid of me either now.” 

“You are right. And I don’t want to get rid of you.” He said, without hesitation.

“I know." Gwen chuckled softly. “Not yet.”

“Uh oh" Blake suddenly exclaimed. 

"What?" She stopped what she was doing to pay more attention.

"Betty is looking at me with an angry face." He chuckled.

"What did you do to her?" Gwen relaxed and went back to smooth her baby bump with the rest of the lotion on her hand.

“I'm talking to you and got distracted. I ended up missing her dinner time and she is staring at me, wondering when the useless human who lives with her is going to feed her.” He explained, making Gwen laugh on the other end of the line. “Hey, don't laugh. Betty is not kidding today and.. Oh no!”

“What now?” She was barely able to ask that, she was laughing so hard. 

“She is attacking me. I am being attacked.” He dramatized on the phone, making Gwen's cheeks hurt from laughing. “Oh ok, Kisses are nice.” He made a sweet voice to talk to the dog. “Hey, stop, Betty, get off me.” Now even Blake was laughing.

"Oh my god, I'm going to pee my pants." She tried to control herself and had to wipe the corners of her own eyes because she was crying with laughter. "That was stupid."

“Well, I'm stupid. Get used to it.” He chuckled slightly. "Why don’t you just go pee?"

"No." She whined like a spoiled child. "I don't want to say goodbye yet."

Blake smiled on the other end of the call, even though Gwen couldn't see it. “Don't worry, I’ll wait for you.” 

"Would you really?" She smiled too, but soon the smile disappeared and she opened her eyes wide. "Oh!"

"What happened?" Blake noticed the change in her tone and became more attentive, ceasing the play time with his dog.

Gwen took her hand to her belly. "Blake, I just felt the baby kick." Slowly she realized what that faint fluttering movement, like a bubble popping sensation, in the lower area of her belly meant.

"Wow really?" He felt a great feeling of excitement build up inside his chest, and for some reason he wanted to laugh. "This is amazing. I can't wait until I can feel it too.” He was so happy she could hear it in his voice.

“It makes it so much more real." Gwen sighed happily. "I wish you were here."

“I really wanted to be there with you." He also sighed, but something about that sigh was a bit sad, contrasting with the happiness he had expressed before.

“You will be here soon. Well actually, I will be there with you.” She excelled in the excited tone. "What time are you coming to pick me up tomorrow?"

"7 o'clock sharp." Blake sounded excited again. 

The conversation didn't end long after that, Blake had to hang up to feed Betty and get ready for bed since he had had a busy day and needed to rest. Gwen needed that too, since he had made her promise that she would have a healthier sleep and eating schedule. They wanted to start to organize their lives for the arrival of their baby, and in a way that would be better for it. And they would do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🍊♥️


	17. Take me out of my body, something spiritual

"Red dress or black dress?" Gwen alternated between placing both dresses in front of her body so that Jen could give her opinion.

The two were inside Gwen's closet again, facing the big full-length mirror. They used to do that a lot before, when Gavin was still living in that house, because it was the only place where they could talk without anyone else listening to their conversation. Now they no longer had that specific concern, Gwen's husband was already officially out of the house and about to sign the divorce paper — according to what he had said to her on a phone call that morning, as long as he could also be at the baby’s appointment next week — the older kids were at school and Apollo and Leo were with Marissa downstairs. However, it seemed like old habits died hard.

"Hm... red." Her sister-in-law answered. “It's sexy, but also a little bit romantic. Not as short as the black one and I like the long sleeves.” She explained her choice. “But a date at his house? I don’t know, it might be better to wear the black dress, because of the zipper on the back. It’s easier to take off.”

"My god, Jenny!" Gwen turned to the mirror, but was laughing. “Of course, it had to be at his house. We can't be seen in public together after all that scandal.”

"Ugh, you guys worry too much." Jen rolled her eyes. “Who cares what people say?"

"I care." Gwen insisted. "My career depends on it." She explained herself briefly. “But actually, I think I really like the black dress the most. I mean, black is basic and discrete, and it will disguise my pregnant bump a bit more.”

“You hardly have anything there. Why are you so worried about it?” Jen wanted to know. She was sitting on the big ottoman in the middle of the closet while Gwen stared at herself in the mirror.

"It's not pretty, look at that." She took the dress out of the way, revealing a half naked body covered only by a black bralette and opaque pantyhose. 

She lowered her high-waisted black tights slightly so that Jen could get a clear view of the small baby bump she was showing.

"Oh but it's so cute, Sissy." The sister-in-law praised her, with a smile. 

It really wasn’t anything but a small round spot pointing out at the very end of her lower belly, but her body was slowly getting ready to grow that baby even more soon.

“It would be cute if I wasn't getting to know someone right now, you know?" Gwen sighed, frustrated, and immediately covered her little pregnant belly. “We are starting something that could be really good here. Blake is different from all the guys I've ever been with before. There is so much good in him. But this...” She pointed at the lower part of her belly. "This won’t be cute for long."

"Hey, sis, don't be so hard on yourself." Jen got up to stand next to Gwen in front of the mirror, and she held both her shoulders. “Why are you the only person who doesn't see how good you are? And I'm not talking about outer beauty, sissy, because I know you know how beautiful you are, but look at you. You are so strong. You threw that asshole of a husband out of the house, fought for your will, for your freedom and did it all while working, maintaining a career, supporting and raising 3 children and growing another one inside you.” She was making sure to say all the things she thought her sister-in-law should know about. “Blake is a good guy. You said it yourself. Plus you told me he likes your baby bump, so why are you so insecure about it? It's his baby in there anyway.” 

Gwen felt like crying, but for some reason, she was smiling, but her smile faded quickly after, when she started to think deeply about that.

“It may not be his baby." She said, turning around to face Jen.

“Shut up." Jen said, softly. “It's his baby, we are manifesting it, remember?” 

"But what if it's Gavin?" Gwen said, and her sister-in-law was about to curse this time, but when she looked at her, she realized that this was a serious question. "I think I'll lose Blake forever"

Jen would like to say that her thought was ridiculous and that Blake would never leave her because of that, but honestly, she didn't know him well enough to say how he would act at that point, much less after so many plans and promises built around a child who may not even be his. Jen always thought they were both wrong to act as if there was no doubt about the baby's paternity, but she understood their choice. Gwen had never been treated so well during a pregnancy before, and it made her feel really good. It made her feel cared for, important and as if her baby was really wanted and expected. And Blake hoped that baby was the future that he no longer thought he would have.

Still, they were both wrong to go headfirst into that without certainty, and also to be subtly evading the paternity test they knew they would have to take sooner or later, but it was understandable. Jen knew she would most definitely act the same way if she was in their shoes, so she didn't judge, not any more than internally at least.

"Sis, he always knew that there was a chance the baby might not be his." She decided to speak after a brief while thinking about what to say. “He will stay because of you."

Gwen bit her bottom lip and deeply sighed. “I don't think anyone would stay because of me. Much less a man like him.” She tried very hard to hold that thought in, but it escaped her lips anyway. 

“Then you're just plain dumb." Once again, Jen used a calm, soft voice to say something harsh, but extremely necessary. It made Gwen laugh, but she wasn’t really trying to be funny. “I hope that one day you realize that it is not ‘a man like him’ that really matters here, but ‘a woman like you’. But I am hopeful that Blake knows very well what he would be losing. Anyway, I will be here to remind him if he ever steps out of line.”

Jen thought Gwen would laugh, but instead, all she heard was her long tired sigh. 

"I feel so scared at times." She confessed, in a low tone, as if someone else could hear her. "Because if he decides to leave tomorrow, he can and I’m so attached to him. I shouldn’t be.”

"He won’t." Jen insisted. “He promised you. You have to trust him.”

"I really want to trust him without a shadow of a doubt." She continued to confide to her sister-in-law. "I'm trying really hard, but I think I'm broken." 

Jen slowly stroked Gwen's arm. “You are not broken, you just need a little love. Not any love, but real love, from someone who really cares about you and puts you first. Nothing like that jackass of a husband you had.”

Gwen chuckled. “Oh, is that it? Just as simples as that. True love, how did I not think of that before?”

"Ha, you're funny." Jen rolled her eyes and pushed on her shoulder. “Like I said, don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing great, just keep opening up to him slowly, and don't let your fears and bad experiences make you shutdown.”

“So should I slowly open up to him tonight?" Gwen subtly diverged from the serious and important matter.

"Ew, disgusting." Jen rolled her eyes again. "But yes, why not, right?"

“Ew, it's a first date. No sex on first dates.” Gwen stated.

"Uh, tell me that tomorrow." Jen laughed out loud.

  


***

  


Blake opened the car door for Gwen and offered his hand to her. He had just parked in the driveway and they were safe inside, protected from any strange looks behind the closed gate of Blake's rented house.

"Did I say how stunning you look tonight?" He asked as he helped her out of the car. 

She laughed. “Yes, when I opened my door to you." 

Blake laughed too. "You will probably hear that all night." He confessed and they laughed together. 

“I definitely don’t mind that.”

Gwen was wearing the black dress she had chosen with Jen. It was plain black dress, short and tight on her body, with thin straps on the shoulders and a low neckline. She wore black opaque tights underneath and a white shiny pump heel on her feet. Her hair was a little longer than shoulder length. It was half updo with soft movements added to the ends. Only the very top was pulled back and pinned to her head, which she hoped it would be a great way of showing her best facial features. Her makeup was not too heavy that night, and it was much more focused on the eyes. For her lips, that time she opted for a basic nude lipstick that made everything look more natural. 

Blake was wearing a gray button-down shirt, a dark blue jacket over it and jeans. Gwen noticed that his salt and pepper hair had more curls on top, as if he had just washed it and let it dry naturally. He also smelled so good and the stubble beard he had gave him a serious and mature countenance, although he did not change his fun way of being at all, which she appreciated very much.

The two entered the house and Blake guided Gwen through the hall and across the living room. Contrary to what she thought, they were not heading towards the dining room, but actually to the back door, which opened onto the deck and the backyard. 

There was a big white tent set up there, with some lanterns around it and a table in the center, with two chairs. 

"Are we really going to have dinner out here?" Gwen asked, looking in awe at the view of the mountains behind the backyard, that had already began the process of slowly hiding the sun behind them.

"Well, I can't take you anywhere, so I had to improvise." Blake smiled when she looked at him with curious eyes and her lips curved in a sweet smile. “Besides, this is my favorite place in LA."

"I know." Gwen stroked his arm, showing that she appreciated all the thought he had put into it. “I love it.”

She really didn't even know what else to say. She was used to dates in fancy places and lots of other people around. It felt so much more personal, private and comfortable that way. It had just started, but it was already the best date she had ever been on. 

And it continued to be as the hours went by. Blake and Gwen had dinner and talked in the company of just one another, getting distracted only by the way the sun tucked itself behind the California mountains, painting the whole sky in bright colors. First orange, then pink and then a very light lilac tone, until it turned into dark blue.

After dinner, it was very dark outside and a little cold too, which made them migrate to the living room for dessert.

Blake had bought a homemade peach pie that Gwen ate really fast and had to have seconds.

"Oh my god, this is so good." She had just eaten the last spoonful of her plate.

"Do you want some more?" He asked, already making a move to get up from the couch, but Gwen held his arm.

“No, Blake, are you crazy? I've had enough food for two nights today.” Blake laughed, returning to sit by her.

“Ok, but you're eating for two, remember?" His hand instinctively reached out and touched over her belly, caressing it lightly. 

He was comfortable enough to just do that now, and he knew she was too. 

Gwen smiled. “The baby really liked the dessert." She said, making him smile contentedly too. "It is very happy in here."

“Is it kicking again?” He asked, still with his hand caressing her.

"A little," Gwen said, holding his hand and bringing it over to the left side of her little bump. “Right here, I think. Do you feel it? ” 

Blake was very excited for a second, but soon noticed that he couldn't feel anything yet. "No." He answered.

"You will feel it soon. I still can barely feel it." She took the hand that was holding his to his face. "I never thanked you."

"Thanked me for what?" Blake caressed her belly for a few more seconds, lingering there.

“For taking care of me. You've been doing it for months now, and honestly, I don't know where I would be if it weren't for you.”

"You don't have to thank me, pretty girl." He also brought his hand up to her face and stroked it lightly, placing a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I promised that I would be by your side and I will stay for as long as you want me here. I'm here because I want to be, it's not because of anything else.” 

Gwen felt the butterflies in her stomach get agitated right away. She couldn't tell if it was because of his words or the delicate way he caressed her face and played with her hair, but it could just be the way his face was very close to hers too. 

“What if I want you to stay forever?" She bravely asked, exchanging looks between his blue eyes and his lips.

"So I might never let you go." Blake used his soft voice to speak to her, and it made Gwen instinctively close the distance between them.

Her lips touched his and he welcomed her lovingly, with his fingers moving behind her neck. The first contact had the same electric shock sensation, but their kiss became more and more familiar and intimate. 

It wasn't long before they were just slowly kissing each other for long minutes on the living room couch, playing with each other’s tongues and exchanging all kinds of caresses. The house was in total silence, except for the noise their lips were making and their breaths slowly accelerating. Even Betty was quiet, resting by their feet.

“Is it just me or is it too hot here?" Blake joked when they broke the kiss because they were both out of breath.

“Oh no, It’s hot.” Gwen laughed. "It's because you have a very skilled tongue."

"I do?" He pretended to be shocked. “They say I have skilled fingers too." 

“They say? Who says?" She raised an eyebrow.

“I don't know… people." Blake kept the joke going, so Gwen joined him. 

“Uh I don’t know about any skilled fingers."

"Oh but you do." He touched her shoulder and slowly went down her arm, brushing his fingertips against her skin, until he pressed the center of her open palm in her lap. "Do you need me to remind you?"

Gwen felt a tingling sensation in her lower body and couldn't help thinking about attacking him right there. But she held herself.

“Maybe I do." She teased too, biting her lower lip. "But show me how skillful your tongue is again first, please." She pulled him towards her again.

This time, when their lips touched, the electric shock sensation that ran up their spine was more like a fuse explosion causing a fire. A fire that burned in both bodies and needed to be dealt with immediately.

  


***

  


They didn't even know how they got there, but they had managed to climb all the stairs to the second floor without their lips losing contact with each other for even a second. By the time they reached the dark corridor upstairs, they were already out of breath. 

Blake was slightly bent down, kissing Gwen on the lips while holding on tight to her waist and pressing her body against the hallway wall. She already had her hands exploring under the gray shirt he was wearing, and Blake let out low groans here and there when she used her nails to dig in his skin. 

At that point they already knew where that hot make out session would lead them, and neither of them really wanted it to end in any other way.

"Take me to your room." Gwen broke the kiss to make that breathless request. 

Blake just stared at her in silence for a second. That was the version of her that he liked most. The bold one, the messy one. She had pure desire dancing in her bright dark eyes and the way she bit her lower lip and had her hips pushed slightly forward, so as not to lose contact with his body, was attractive to him in itself, but what would always take his breath away in moments like that one with her was seeing her all messy like that. Gwen was always neat, tidy, composed, but not in those moments, there she had messy hair, pink lips from kissing him for so long without stopping, no trace of the nude lipstick she wore before, the straps of her black dress were slipping from her slim shoulders and she wasn’t searching for anything other then him and the pleasure he would give her. Gwen was completely irresistible to him. 

Blake leaned down to kiss her again, but he only placed slow kisses on her lips and then her face. 

"Ok, come with me." He said while intertwining his fingers with hers and pulling her with him down the hall to the master bedroom. 

He opened the door, revealing the room in complete darkness, except for the faint moonlight that came in through the balcony's glass door, from outside. 

Blake guided Gwen inside, a hand strategically placed on her lower back. He closed the door after they both entered, mostly because of Betty. 

She had been there before, on a night as dark as that one, but she was so upset when they slept in his bed together — in the literal sense of sleeping — that she didn’t pay attention to any details. The room was spacious and with a rustic decoration, a lot of wood on the walls and floor and wooden furniture as well, just like the rest of the house. The feeling she had was that the house was a giant cabin, very cozy too.

Gwen knew that Blake wasn’t the one who decorated the place, the house was ready when he moved in, and the absence of personal belongings and even furniture that was not essential made it clear that he only spent the time he really needed to spend there, not a second more. His heart was in Oklahoma and it would always be. 

Blake came up behind her while she was distracted. He pushed her hair to one side of her neck and then his two hands went down to touch and hold her waist. She sighed when his lips, soft and warm, touched the area of her neck that he had left exposed. He planted slow kisses, brushing his lips against her skin as he inhaled the scent of her perfume and shampoo mixed together.

"I don’t know what it is about you, but I can’t resist you." Blake whispered close to her ear, his voice hoarse with lust. 

“You don’t have to.” Gwen pressed her body against his and only then did she feel that bulge in front of his pants brushing against her ass.

Blake started guiding her hips to push against him even harder and he sighed when she moved her ass from one side to the other on purpose, to tease him. 

Then his hands let go of her waist and began to travel throughout the front of her body, sliding up her belly and stopping just below her breasts. Blake raised his hands a bit more and held her shoulders before moving to her back. He had to step back a little and move his lips away from her neck. He looked at the back of her dress for a second before his fingers grabbed the zipper. 

Gwen quickly raised a hand to grab his elbow and stop him. "No, leave it." She asked, not even turning to look at him. "Please. I don't think you want to see me naked right now.”

“What do you mean?” Blake let go of the zipper on her dress and held her shoulders again, making her turn to him.

“I'm not... in my best shape." Gwen's eyes were looking down at the floor, she didn't look in his direction for a second. “We can have sex without me being naked. We did this the other few times.”

“Hey, look at me." He held her chin to make her look up. “I think you look incredibly beautiful. You know it." He thought he was doing the best thing by being honest and trying to take that out of her mind, but Gwen's face contorted and he saw the exact moment when her eyes filled with tears.

“Please, I don't want this to be the first time you see me completely naked.”

"Hey no. It’s ok." He pulled her to him and wrapped her in a tight hug. “You don't have to take your clothes off. We don't need to do anything, ok? We can do whatever you want to do.” 

Gwen sighed deeply, pushing away the urge to simply cry in his arms, because she had many other desires and urges as well. She blamed the pregnancy for those crazy mood changes.

“This is ridiculous." She shook her head. "I ruined it. I completely ruined the moment.”

“Don’t worry." Blake chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead. “But if you want to know, you will always be attractive to me. In any room full of people, you can look for me, there's no way I'm not looking at you.” He said, so naturally that it was impossible for her to doubt it. “Yes, you have a small baby bump, so what? I'm not looking for any person to have sex with, I want this because it's with you. There’s no way you don’t know how into you I am.”

"I know." Gwen confessed. She did know, it was impossible to deny. Just as she couldn't deny that she liked him very much too. “It's just that... I don't like my body right now. I don’t think it’s pretty.” 

“Your body is amazing, you are so beautiful. Plus your body is doing such an incredible thing.” Blake told her. She could still just see in his bright blue eyes how amazed he was because of her pregnancy. “You just don't see it, but I do, and it takes my breath away.” He whispered, pulling away from her shortly after.

But Gwen pulled him back to her by the collar of his gray shirt, pressing her lips to his again. Blake was surprised, but he reacted quickly. They exchanged a quick, intense kiss, which soon caused the fire to spread again inside their bodies.

Then Gwen turned her back to Blake again. “Take off my dress." She said, pushing her hair out of his way. He hesitated for a second, so she decided to encourage him. “Don't ask me, just do it before I change my mind."

"Ok.” He chuckled. One of Blake's hands held the center of the tight black dress she was wearing, and the other hand held the zipper. 

Slowly, he pulled it down to the beginning of her lower back, and then, with her dress open, he put his body back behind hers and kissed her neck, but Blake's lips soon went slowly over her shoulder while he pushed the dress’ strap down towards her arm, removing it from her two shoulders. 

Gwen felt a shiver run down her spine when Blake placed both hands under each edge of the zipper and explored the bare skin on the sides of her body. His lips sucked on her neck while his hands continued to explore her until he stopped right behind her breasts again, quickly noticing that Gwen was not wearing a bra. 

She sighed a bit louder and he moved his hands up, pushing her dress down and then grabbing her breasts with both his hands. Gwen leaned back against his body, tilting her head back. Blake tightened his fingers around her breasts and rubbed his palms slowly against her nipples, until they were both hard against his touch. She moaned softly and he would have missed that muffled sound if her mouth wasn’t so close to his face like it was.

He raised one hand to hold her chin and lift her face so that he could kiss her slightly parted lips. Gwen moaned again, in the middle of the kiss when his fingers grabbed and turned one of her nipples. Her breasts were so tender and somewhat swollen because of the pregnancy, causing the sensation of pleasure to mix with a brief sharp pain. But Blake let go shortly after, taking his hands away from her body briefly. Gwen was about to let out a frustrated sigh when she felt his lips touching her back. He went down planting intense kisses and even some nibbles. Her legs got so weak that Gwen thought they would give in.

Blake pulled her dress down while his lips also went down her back, exploring her soft skin. His hands held her legs when he was already on his knees, and he got rid of her dress. He also took her shoes off and did the same to the black opaque pantyhose she was wearing, leaving her only in her black lace panties.

Blake then stood up again and grabbed Gwen's waist to turn her over so he could see her in the mellow moonlight. He didn't stare at her for very long because he noticed when her gaze got really shy again. 

It was true, her body was different from what he had seen before, her waist was less defined, her breasts looked somewhat swollen, her hips seemed wider and, of course, there was the small baby bump showing discretely on her lower belly. She still looked incredibly beautiful in his opinion, and she always would be, but he understood her insecurities and it wasn’t difficult for him to suspect about their origin.

Blake approached her and held her face with one hand while stroking her cheek with his thumb. "You take my breath away." He whispered again, his lips lightly brushing hers. 

And then he felt her hands push his jacket off his shoulders in response. She got rid of that and then took his shirt off too. With his help, she did the same with the pair of jeans he was wearing, but Blake finished getting his pants off by himself. 

He slowly guided Gwen to his bed and laid her down, laying down beside her too. They kissed again, bodies turned on their sides, facing each other. He pulled her to him, and she wrapped a leg around his waist, rubbing her body on his. Blake clutched at her ass. Gwen moaned again into the kiss. 

His lips went down her neck and he turned her over so she was laying on her back. One of his hands went down to her breast again and he grasped it at the same time that the other hand did the same to her ass. 

Gwen's hand went straight to the elastic of his boxers and she skillfully slid it inside, wrapping her fingers around his cock. Blake groaned against her skin and his lips moved further down her neck, to her clavicle bone, until he was exploring the top of her breasts with his mouth. She moved her hand up and down his length. He was getting harder and harder in her fingers.

But she lost her concentration when he positioned his mouth over her breast, encircling it with his lips. His hot breath against her nipple made her shudder slightly and breathlessly moan.

Gwen took her hand out of his boxers and grabbed his hair. Her legs weakened even more when he hungrily swirled his tongue against her nipple until it was stiff again. She pulled on his hair and Blake pulled his face away, but only to switch breasts and give the same attention to her other one. Gwen felt like she was going to come if he kept teasing her like that, so she pulled on his hair again. This time Blake answered her request and pressed his lips against Gwen's again.

"You are so delicious." He whispered. His weak voice indicated that all that teasing was also leaving him on the verge of losing his mind. 

"You're so hot." She decided to tease him too. Her sexy tone was raspy and she bit her lower lip while he watched her. “I'm so wet."

Blake let out a low groan just by listening to what she was saying. "I want to feel that." He licked her lips and went down to bite her jaw. One of his hands grabbed her leg and he ran his fingers up and down her inner thigh. 

Gwen twitched with anticipation. Blake was sucking on her neck while his hand traveled up. He pressed his palm right in her center, over the panties. She bit her lower lip to muffle a moan. He was touching her right where she desperately needed him.

"Oh, you are really wet." He could already feel it with that first touch, but he kept going nonetheless. 

Blake used two fingers to rub her clit, circling and pressing lightly against it. Just teasing, still over the thin, soft cloth of her panties. Gwen spread her legs shamelessly for him. “Is this only for me?” He asked.

“Yes… this is… all for you.” She barely managed to answer in the middle of the mess of moans and whimpers she was. 

“Only for me?” He repeated the question, rubbing faster over her clit.

Gwen whimpered louder. “Only for you.” She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip hard.

“Let me show you what I have for you.” Blake smirked.

She moaned less modestly when his fingers went over her wet entrance and pressed hard, fingering her over her thin and delicate lace panties.

“Blake-” Gwen gasped. He rubbed his fingers even faster, until he couldn't hold himself anymore and ended up pushing the soft cloth aside to touch her directly.

Gwen arched her back and part of her body left the mattress. Blake penetrated her with his middle and index fingers at once, thrusting inside her repeatedly.

"Oh god, yes!” She whimpered, her legs trembling.

She knew she couldn't take much more, she was on the verge of losing her mind to that pleasure and she could barely hold herself any longer. 

"I can't... take it." She cried out. “You’ll make me come."

"It’s ok, baby, come for me." He got closer to her ear to whisper that with his hoarse voice filled with lust for her. And oh, he enjoyed watching her reactions to that. “Come for me just like this.”

And then he stuck one more finger inside her, making her tighten up against him until she adjusted to all three fingers. Blake positioned his thumb over her clit, rubbing it while he fucked her with the other fingers.

She pushed herself forward on him making his long fingers go as deep as they could. He moved them, brushing against her wet walls, he took them out and pushed them in again, while his thumb circled and pressed her clit. He repeated that until she couldn’t take it anymore.

Gwen let out an uncontrolled loud whimper and Blake felt it as she widened and became even more slippery. He didn't stop anyway, he fucked her with his fingers while her body squirmed and she became a mess of moans and whimpers again, this time louder and so irresistible to him. He only stopped when she laid her back again on the mattress and he felt her relaxing.

Then he laid down next to her while she seemed to do everything she could to control her ragged breathing.

“Skillful fingers. I told you.” Blake whispered, joking, and Gwen breathlessly giggled.

“Oh I remember now.” She turned on her side to kiss him.

He gladly welcomed her, holding her face with one hand while they exchanged a calm kiss. But Gwen had other plans, her hand went down his chest and into his boxers again. And she noticed that his cock was even harder than before, it even throbbed at the first touch of her fingers.

"It's my turn." She bit her lower lip and laughed.

Her hands worked quickly, pulling his boxers down and releasing his cock from inside. He stood up, hard and ready for her. Gwen stared at it, licking her lips, Blake watched her with anticipation. As soon as she saw him staring at her, she slid her hands down her own body and pushed away any thoughts that were not related to what she wanted to do with Blake. 

Gwen grabbed her delicate lace panties and slowly pulled them down her legs, teasing Blake even more. And he lost his gaze for a few seconds on her completely naked body, until Gwen made a quick movement and changed positions, sitting on his legs. Blake was caught off guard by her sudden move, but then his chest almost burst with excitement when he understood what that could mean. He grabbed her waist.

“I'm going to ride you today, cowboy." She warned him, but there was no need, he was already imagining that.

“Fuck yes.” He smirked at her and slapped her thigh lightly.

Gwen lifted her hips, resting her knees on the mattress to position herself over Blake. She guided his cock to her entrance and held it there. Only that contact and the anticipation made Blake groan low. 

He grabbed her ass and tried to push her down on him, but Gwen denied him that.

With her free hand, she slapped his chest. “It's my turn." She said. 

“Oh, bossy. I like it." He gave her another smirk. 

Gwen leaned her torso forward as if she were going to kiss him, but she only got close enough to his face to see up close the reaction he had when she pushed her hips down and slowly sat on him, making his cock slide tightly inside of her.

Blake gasped and closed his eyes tight when that strong sensation hit him by surprise. His hands desperately grasped on her thighs. 

She sat completely on him, making him go as deep as he could inside her while she went right back to sitting position. The pressure inside her was delicious and it made her let out a low moan as well. She was still so wet from before that penetration was not at all difficult. It felt just right. 

Gwen tilted her neck back and pressed a hand against his chest as she gradually adjusted to his width and size, moving her body slowly as needed. And as soon as she felt comfortable enough, she faced him again. Blake was looking at her, absorbing that sight of that incredibly beautiful woman riding him like that, with her naked body and slightly pink cheeks. He felt that he could come only because of the sight he had seconds ago, of her adapting to his length inside her, with her head tilted slightly back, her eyes closed and her lips parted. Knowing he did that to her fueled his ego too much and it made him feel so good.

Then she rolled her hips for the first time, in an exploratory way, very slowly and he lost every single thought he had and could possibly have at that moment. Just that brief movement made Blake groan again, this time louder.

"Fuck" He squeezed her waist, trying to guide her to repeat the movement, but Gwen froze in place until he stopped.

Blake opened his eyes to look at her, wondering why she had stopped, but as soon as he did, she rocked her hips again, causing him to lose control one more time.

He had to close his eyes for a few seconds and focus on something other than her body and her movements, or he would end all that too fast.

"You are going to kill me." He whispered when he was able to open his eyes again, thrusting forward slightly when she stopped again.

Gwen chuckled, creating a stable rhythm to slowly rock over him, without stopping this time. “Do you like it?” She asked, although it was not necessary. 

“Oh fuck, Gwen.” Blake clutched at her thighs and dug his finger in her skin. It was the effect of her slowly riding him like that. 

She bit her bottom lip and tossed her hair to the side while he watched without blinking, reacting to each of her teasing, until she sank her hips further, rocking more intensely. Then Blake seemed to lose his mind for good. He grabbed her waist and pulled her hard against his body as he thrusted forward, causing his own hips to arch off the mattress.

Gwen grabbed his wrists to make him stop, although it was also very pleasurable to her. She then leaned forward and licked his lips. "Don't try to guide me, I know what I'm doing.”

“I can see that." Blake whispered back, eyes closed again. But soon he lost track of everything again, when she started moving her hips up and down to punish him. 

“Oh fuck.” He groaned and Gwen kissed his lips because of it. One of his hands grabbed her thigh and the other slapped her ass hard. “Fuck. You’re so fucking hot.”

She gasped against his mouth, but that slap only made her move faster and press her body even more against his, making his cock slide deeper inside her. 

She soon started to alternate between rocking her hips and moving then up and down his length. Lustful and long groans started to escape Blake’s mouth. 

“How does it feel?” She asked him, biting his earlobe. 

“Fucking awesome.” Blake replied. She rocked her hips faster. “Oh fuck… Gwen.” 

Gwen lifted her body again, returning to sit completely on top of him. Her upright position gave him his favorite view back. This time he held her breasts while she rode him and they were both gradually losing control. 

His hands grasped her sensitive breasts and she moaned loudly while rocking her hips hard, not holding anything back from him.

She felt so dirt and she loved every second of it.

When he could no longer hold on, Blake lunged forward, lifting his hips off the mattress again, to fuck her back harshly.

Gwen did not stop with her hip movements either, and their bodies crashed against each other countless times. 

She felt it when his body shuddered under hers and Blake burst inside her. His climax ignited hers and Gwen let herself be completely carried away by those overwhelming sensations. 

The way he grabbed her body, without any control, and pulled her down towards him while they both experienced the climax of their orgasm, made them go even longer.

Exhausted and slightly dizzy, Gwen settled on Blake's chest after that. Her chest was heavy and her breathing was a mess again. 

He was not much different from her. Her light weight on his body made almost no difference to him, but at the same time, it meant everything.

Her legs were still trembling when she started to relax again. Blake ran his fingertips slowly down the middle of her back, tracing a path down her spine and feeling the goosebumps rise on her skin.

“So much for that ‘no sex on the first date’ rule.” Gwen softly chuckled, feeling her blushing cheek pressed against his even hotter chest.

Blake laughed too. “It's not like we've never had sex before."

"True. We did it a couple times." They both laughed. “It gets better everytime, though.”

“It really does.” He quickly agreed to that. “But hey, we made a baby together on the first time.” Blake sounded in awe again, but soon he stopped to think about that. “We’re not suffocating the baby right now, are we?”

She laughed out loud this time. “No, the baby is fine.” Her hand stroked his chest, as if it was a way of thanking him for the way he cared for them. "But I need to pee."

She got up and off him, rolling over to the edge of the bed and standing. Even with the room only lit by the moonlight, he could see when she walked away with her naked body. 

"Wow, look at these curves." He teased, crossing his arms behind his head.

"Stop it." Gwen warned while making her way to the other room.

“Wow those perfect breasts. I can still see them bouncing the way they did when you were riding me.”

"Blake!" She whined, but was laughing.

“And that ass, huh?" Blake tried to stay serious, but he couldn't help but laugh when she slammed the bathroom door. "Sorry, I can't resist."

  


***

  


"Here, try this one." Blake lifted his fork with a piece of his pancake dipped in syrup.

Gwen opened her mouth to receive the food he was offering. "Umm, this is so good too.” She hadn't even finished chewing when she praised his culinary skills. 

They were sitting side by side on high stools on the kitchen counter. Betty was around, too, enjoying any piece of fruit or pancakes they would willingly offer her, and also the ones they dropped when they were too distracted by each other. 

It was very early, around 7 in the morning, and they were sitting, having breakfast together and enjoying each other's company. 

After the night they had, there was nothing more to hide regarding their interest in each other and the feelings that went with it. There was also nothing to hide about their desire and the way they wanted to be together, even if they had not actually sat down and talked about the future. The way they were leaning towards each other and acting so comfortably and affectionately that morning made it very clear what the next step would be, but only thinking about that brought a mixture of fear and excitement to Gwen's stomach when she woke up next to Blake that morning, so she had decided that she would not think about that anymore. Instead, she would just live in the moment, as they had promised to do and were doing. But still, she couldn't take her eyes off his bright blue ones. They were so kind and beautiful in the bright morning light.

Blake was wearing pajama shorts and a white shirt, and she was wearing nothing but his button-down shirt — which to Blake was on the list of his favorite sightings ever — that actually looked more like a dress on her. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun and she was not wearing any makeup. 

He thought he would never get used to how beautiful she was, especially the way she looked that morning. But it was way beyond her beauty, it was Gwen, who she was on the inside, the way she carried herself, her legitimately good personality, the fun and free side she had, even after everything she had been through, and the way she always had something good to say about everyone, even in the worst situations. It was the way her eyes only expressed kindness, how the right corner of her lips curved a little more than the left one when she smiled, how she seemed to not even know how good she was and even the way she tilted her head back a little and almost closed her eyes completely when she was letting out a good laugh. And oh, her laughter, he wished he could bottle that sound up so he could listen to it for the rest of his life.

"So are you going to Oklahoma after the baby's appointment next week?" Gwen asked when she noticed that Blake was a little distracted.

He hadn't even noticed that he had stopped paying attention to her and to what was actually happening in front of him because of his thoughts, but the way his mind pointed out all those little details about her that he had been observing very often lately, had made him somewhat afraid, if he was honest. 

"Hm... No, I think I'll stay." Blake was wishing she hadn't noticed his distraction, but he knew that she probably did. He just hoped she wasn't thinking he was nonchalant to anything about her. “The battles start the week after the appointment, so I thought maybe I could stay here... with you." He said.

She had her elbow over the kitchen counter and her body was leaning forward. Her hand held the weight of her head while she stared at him, just quietly watching him as he was speaking. 

Blake thought she was about to fight him because of the way he got distracted in the middle of their conversation, but she smiled and nodded. “It would be really good, I would like that."

He couldn't even believe her sometimes, and he often thought she was too good for him. He also knew that he had many sleepless nights ahead, in which he would think of the thousand ways that he could screw that up. But he wouldn't think about that now.

Blake stood up from his high stool and approached Gwen. She straightened up on her stool and he held onto both sides of her face before leaning down a bit to kiss the top of her forehead in the same pure and affectionate way he always did, but his lips came down soon after and he kissed Gwen's lips. 

She caressed his chest lightly as they exchanged a few light pecks on the lips, and it felt so familiar, as if it was a morning tradition. Gwen felt so right there with Blake, she was so happy. It was as if nothing else mattered at that moment, but there were two things that she had noticed that morning: First, _she was falling in love with him._ And second, she was terribly afraid of falling in love and getting hurt again. But that didn't even feel like falling, it felt like they were slowly building something together, and it felt so good.

Blake pulled his lips away from hers to smile slightly, still holding her face between his two hands. "Honestly..." He started to say, taking a deep breath to keep going. "There aren't many things that make me feel as good as being with you right now." 

Gwen's eyes were sparkling when she smiled after hearing that. It was worth it for him to open up that way, as long as the result was that sparkle. 

"You are unbelievable." She pulled on his shirt, making him lean over again so she could kiss his lips yet another time, but it was quick this time. "I didn't even know people like you existed, and I can't believe it sometimes."

Blake leaned in for another quick kiss. He was so happy in that moment that it even felt suspicious. His mind couldn’t help but wonder what would be the bad thing that would come to balance and manage all that happiness.

In that second, Betty interrupted them with a session of loud barking.

“Uh, Betty is jealous." Gwen joked.

“Hey, Betty, quiet.” Blake took the opportunity to take the two empty plates to the sink. 

She got up and went to play with the dog in the living room, but Betty was focused on something in the hallway.

“What is it, Betty?" Gwen asked.

A second later, the doorbell rang and the dog went crazy running, jumping and barking.

"What the hell, it's 7 in the morning." Gwen heard Blake complain in the kitchen. "Did I forget to lock the gate again?" 

She laughed. He couldn’t lock that gate to save his life. She headed to the hall and stopped right at the kitchen entrance, and as soon as he saw her, he made a quick movement indicating his hands inside the sink, rinsing the dishes. 

“Hey, do you mind getting the door for me? It must be the mailman or something.”

“Sure." She agreed and headed to the front door. But she was sure it wasn’t the mailman. It was too early for any normal person to be knocking on somebody’s door. 

Unlike Blake, she was careful to look through the peephole before anything, but her eyes didn't believe what she saw, and even though she knew she shouldn't open the door, she unlocked it and did exactly that, only to come face to face with Miranda on the other side of Blake's door.

The surprise on Blake's ex-wife's face seemed even greater than Gwen's when they faced each other.

"What are you doing here?" Miranda asked, looking her up and down and probably assimilating what it meant for Gwen to be at her ex-husband's house at 7 am, barefoot and wearing only his shirt. She knew what it meant.

“What are _you_ doing here?" Gwen returned the question.

"It's my husband's house." Miranda didn't seem to believe what she was seeing.

“Ex husband." Gwen corrected her on purpose.

"Not yet, bitch." She swore just as Blake appeared behind Gwen at the door. 

“Oh fuck. What did I do to deserve this?” He deeply sighed. "What the hell are you doing here again, Miranda?"


	18. A roller coaster built to crash

"So the tabloids were really telling the truth, huh?" Miranda shook her head. "You two were fucking behind my back before our marriage ended."

“No, we weren't. You know we weren't.” Blake answered quickly and sharply. “Please, Miranda, just leave. We already talked about you showing up here like this. I won't fight you today, so don't waste your time.” He took a step forward, holding on to the edge of the door’s thick wood and threatening to close it in her face.

Gwen just watched them in silence.

Miranda pressed her open palm against the door as well. “Wait. I didn't come here to fight.” She sighed deeply. “Please, we need to talk, just you and me." She gave Gwen a wry look.

“Well, it's a bad day for this. Maybe you should try to call before you show up here like this.” Blake shrugged.

Miranda sighed again. "Please? We need to talk like two normal people do if we are going to move on from this. We’ve never done that. After all the time we spent together, I think you owe me that.” She got to her point.

Then there was absolute silence for a few seconds. Gwen could see on Blake's face that he wanted to say something, but he was working really hard not to do that. She could also see in his kind eyes that he thought having that conversation with Miranda was important, and Gwen agreed, but she knew he wouldn’t give in because she was there and he had planned to spend the day with her.

"It’s ok, I will leave." She made the decision for him then. “I just need to change back into my clothes first." After all, it was uncomfortable enough to be in the middle of that, anyway.

“Hey, no." Blake touched Gwen's arm and used his soft, low voice to speak to her. "Please stay. I don't need to have this conversation now. ”

"I think you should have this conversation now, and I know you do, too." Gwen gave him a light pat on the shoulder and caressed his arm. “Tell me how you feel afterwards, ok? I'm a call away, you know that.” He sighed and nodded, so she took a few steps back and moved away towards the living room and the stairs to the second floor of the house. 

The dress she wore the night before must still be laying somewhere on the floor in Blake's room. 

“Ok, come in." He told Miranda when Gwen disappeared around the corner. “I hope this is quick."

“It should be." She entered the house and he closed the door behind them. 

Blake guided the way to the living room. He looked for Betty with his eyes, but the dog was nowhere to be found. He knew she had probably gone upstairs with Gwen to his room.

He pointed to the couch, inviting Miranda to sit down.

"Look, like I told you, I am not going to fight you and I don't want to hear screams and insults."

"I'm not here to fight, I’ve told you that." She repeated as she was sitting down. “I want to have a decent conversation. I have some questions and things to say, and I'm sure you do too. If we are going to move forward, I think we have to have closure.”

“I agree." Blake said as he was sitting on the other end of the couch.

"So, that being said, I think I can start by apologizing for the things I said last time we spoke." Miranda said, crossing her leg over the other.

“You? Apologizing? This is new."

"Blake, don't make me regret this." She complained, rolling her eyes. "The things I said to you weren’t fair, and honestly, most of them were not true."

That was very strange for Blake, but it was also nice to hear those things, because everything Miranda said that day really got to him, he had to confess.

"Thanks for saying that." He said, even though he didn't know what to say or how to act. 

She smiled, but looked away from him briefly. Through the large glass door that led to the backyard, Miranda saw the white tent and the table set outside, with lanterns and candles around it. It was an obvious date setting, and it was the kind of romantic thing that Blake would certainly do. She knew him well.

“So... is this really serious?" She asked.

"What?" He frowned, confused by the sudden change in the subject.

“Her." She pointed toward the stairs to the second floor. It wasn’t difficult to understand that she was talking about his relationship with Gwen.

“If you're here to talk about that, forget it." Blake quickly cut the subject short. "It's none of your business."

“But it's my business, Blake. If this is serious, when you go public, people will harass me with questions. I need to know so I can prepare for that.”

"I... I don't know yet." He thought that Miranda's argument was valid, so he answered sincerely. "It's recent. But we are not going public anytime soon.”

"It's serious for you, I can tell." She said. Between the backyard set up for a date and the way she knew Blake, she could guarantee that. "You are not a player, so if you are investing in that, it’s because you want it to be serious, and because you like her."

"Where are you trying to get with this?" Blake was no longer used to have a frank conversation with his ex-wife, so it was very strange for him. He was trying to figure out the catch behind it. Also, talking to her about what he felt for Gwen was very uncomfortable too. 

"I think if we talk, maybe we can both be better next time." Miranda said. "Maybe you can be better for Gwen."

"Why do you suddenly seem to care so much about it?" He was still completely suspicious.

"Well, Blake, I also want to move on with my life and there are certain things I need to tell you or I will never be able to." She shrugged. “It's not just about you and your new relationship, or whatever that is, it's about me too. I want to break free from our marriage once and for all.”

"Ok." He nodded and settled on the couch. “What is it that you need to tell me?"

Miranda also straightened up, stretching her back and clearing her throat. “There is something that happened to me when we were married that I need to tell you. Reading that article made me realize I can’t move on without telling you.” 

“The tabloid one?” Blake was really confused and even a bit scared, because every time they talked about their past, it ended really bad for him. “You know that’s bullcrap, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She nodded. “It’s not so much about if it’s true or not. It just brought the bad memories back. Do you remember when I had to stay for an extra week in Florida last year after a show?”

"If this is about your affairs with other men, I really don't think I need to hear about it." Blake protested. 

“Calm down." She rolled her eyes. "Stop being so defensive and let me talk." He sighed and nodded. “So, I didn't have to stay there, I lied. I was actually back in LA when I called you. ” 

"Why did you tell me you had to stay then?"

“Because that week, I found out I was pregnant.” She confessed at once, but didn’t take a long enough break for him to assimilate it before she was speaking again. “And I was very confused and scared. I needed some time for myself and-”

“Wait a minute… what? " Blake had to increase his voice tone to interrupt her. “No, you didn’t get pregnant. That is a lie.”

"I wish it was, but it's not." Miranda shook her head.

“What do you even mean?" Blake was so afraid of what she might say that he could barely breathe. 

She took a deep breath. “That week I wanted to be alone so I could think and make a decision. You know I never wanted to have children, it happened by accident, but it didn’t change how I felt about it.” 

"Miranda, what did you do?" He ran his hands anxiously through his hair.

"I had an abortion." She dropped the bomb quickly, without hesitating any longer.

At that very moment, the sound of Betty's heavy paws coming down the stairs ended up distracting them both. Gwen came down right behind the dog, and quickly noticed Blake's wide eyes.

"I'm leaving. Jen is picking me up.” She told him, but did not dare approach the couches. “Are you ok?" 

Blake cleared his throat. "Hm... yeah." But he sounded even worse than he looked. 

“Ok." Gwen kept looking him in the eye for a few more seconds, but he didn't say anything and that was his choice. Also, she knew she shouldn't interrupt them anymore than she had already done, so she turned around to go out the door.

The only person who actually walked her out, said goodbye to her and waited until she left was Betty.

The door closed and Miranda turned back to Blake. He had a vague look on his face and was staring at some empty corner in the entrance hall. 

She patiently waited until he turned his attention to her again.

“Was the baby mine?" He asked, his facial expressions were a mixture of confusion and irritation.

“That is a very rude question. I was your wife, of course the baby was yours.” Miranda also frowned. 

"Well, how could you be sure at that point?"

“I was sure." She simply answered. "I wasn’t fucking around without protection."

"But you were fucking around. Mistakes happen.” He pointed.

“Like your girlfriend's mistake?” She fired without thinking, but she regretted it a second later. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Move on, Miranda." Blake didn’t even let her finish.

“Yes, I know I was fucking around.” Miranda had no reason to hide anything at that point. “I know my share of the blame in everything that happened to us, but you need to understand your share of the blame too. There are two sides to every story.”

"I know I have my share of the blame, but nothing that justifies what you did." Blake fired. “Lying, cheating... And I just found out you had an abortion while we were married and you didn't even tell me." 

"Would you have let me do that?" She asked. "No lying. Would you? ”

"You should’ve at least talked to me. It’s what would’ve been fair." He said. He had no idea what he would have done if he had known about that before, how could him?

"And we would have talked, you would have convinced me to have that baby even though neither of us wanted it and then, when it all happened, we would ruin our lives and the kid's life too." Miranda narrated to him what she believed would have happened.

"Why are you telling me this now then?" He asked, still staring at her.

"Closure." She shrugged. "I read that article about Gwen and her pregnancy and the fact that the baby could theoretically be yours, and suddenly I felt like I needed to tell you."

Blake rolled his eyes. "Or maybe it's because I'm finally getting over all that and feeling better, and you just can't see me happy." 

“All I want is for you to be happy." Miranda told him, shaking her head as if she disapproved of his speech. "But to move on, I need you to take your blame too, and stop blaming me for everything." 

“What do you want to blame me for?" Blake sighed as he asked that. “If it is going to make you leave and finally move on, then that’s fine, whatever that is, it was my fault.”

"I want you to understand that you were absent and negligent with our marriage." She said determinedly, and again, not holding anything back. “I gave you so many signs, I changed the way I treated you, I got angry, I got lost, I got depressed, I got pregnant, I had an abortion, I went crazy to get your attention, and then I walked away and looked for it elsewhere because it wasn't working. Nothing worked. You never noticed or paid attention to me.”

“What? I noticed it many times.” Blake defended himself. "I often wondered why you acted that way but I never got an answer, until I found out you were unfaithful, and then I understood it all."

"No, you didn’t. You got it all wrong!" Miranda raised her voice, but then took a deep breath to try to control herself. “You acted like you didn't care about me. Or about our marriage, our life, our plans. You were always away, drunk and uninterested. You blew it, Blake and you're going to do it again.”

“What do you mean by that?" He frowned even more.

"Her...” She pointed to the house’s door, where Gwen had left a few minutes earlier. “And her baby. She’s the reason I’m here. Her and that article. Do you think you're ready for such a thing? Do you think you can handle it?”

"This is not something I want to discuss with you." Blake made it clear. “You’re stepping out of line here.”

"No, but that's the point." Miranda insisted. "We got married, Blake, we promised that we would be together forever. We took wedding vows and you threw it all away like it didn't even matter."

“I threw it away? No, you did that! You cheated on me." He raised his voice again, getting very frustrated.

“Yes, I fucked other guys, but you never gave me a chance to talk about it. You took that opportunity to jump out of our marriage without even wanting to try to fix it.” Miranda accused him without hesitation. “What are you going to do when you want to jump out of it and there’s a baby in the middle? What are you going to do when you are filthy drunk and your baby is sick and it depends on you? What are you going to do when she’s no longer exciting to you and you stop paying attention to her to the point of not seeing the signs? Before you know it, you will have destroyed her, but there will be a baby in the middle and you will not be able to change the locks to lock it outside the way you did to me.”

Blake heard it all because he had no other choice, and as much as he knew he should ignore it and tell her to leave, he couldn't. Everything his ex-wife said hit him in the worst way, because he completely believed that he was very capable of ruining all the good things he had and badly hurting Gwen in the process.

“I think you should leave, Miranda.” Even though Blake knew that Miranda was hurting him on purpose again, he believed she was not wrong and felt like the worst person in the world after hearing those things and assimilating it. “Please. I want to be alone.”

“Just think about it, Blake. I know you like her. I know you are probably delighted to be part of this baby's life, but it won’t last forever, we know that.” She kept saying all that, even though his posture had obviously changed completely to a sad and insecure one. It was like she liked stepping on him even though he was already down. “You blame me, but you destroyed me too. After you, I will never be the same."

"I would never hurt her." Blake said, much more to himself than to his ex-wife. "I couldn't do that." He was saying it out loud to see if he believed it himself, but it wasn't working.

“You don’t do it on purpose. I bet when we were in love, you also thought you would never hurt me, but you did." Miranda said, and again, Blake was hit hard, because it was the absolute truth, he never intended to hurt anyone, but he always ended up hurting the people he most cared about anyway.

“Please, leave.” He asked again, this time standing up to get off the couch. “Please. Was that enough closure for you?”

“I think it was.” She also stood up, still watching him as if she needed to keep up with his reactions. “I'm leaving now. Hope you stay happy like you said you were, Blake.” 

He knew she was saying that but not really meaning it. That conversation had made it clear that Miranda had also been hurt by the end of their marriage, but that only made things much worse for Blake. He would rather have been the only one hurt there. 

When his ex-wife went out the door and left him alone, Blake went into the kitchen to look for something he hadn't seen in a few weeks: The bottle of single malt scotch whisky someone had gifted him.

He was so disoriented that it took him a few minutes to search for it in the cabinets, but he found it. And he just couldn’t fight his urge to drink something strong that day. He also didn’t want to fight it at all.

  


***

  


"Pick up the phone, pick up the phone, please!" Gwen was biting her fingernail as she listened to the tone beep on the other end of the line, but the call went to voicemail again. “Damn it, Blake!"

“What are you mumbling over there, sis?" Jen approached her when she realized that Gwen had a frustrated countenance. 

The two of them were having dinner with the whole family at Gwen's parents' house. It wasn’t a special event or anything like that, just a Stefani get together.

"Blake still won’t answer the phone." She complained, sounding a little sad.

"What? Since that day?" Jen was horrified. "Something is wrong, Gwen." 

“Oh please don't say that. My heart is sinking. It's been 2 whole days already.” She sighed heavily and leaned against the wall.

Her body seemed heavier than usual, and it had nothing to do with the small baby bump she had, it was related to the weight of hiding from her whole family that she was so worried about someone else that her mind wasn’t even there with them that night, and all the interactions were deeply faked because she was not managing to enjoy the night at all.

"Are you sure he is ok?" Jen asked in a quiet tone. “I mean… physically ok.” 

“I'm not sure of anything, but I don't want to show up to check on him, you know? He hasn’t answered my calls and doesn’t text back. What if he is avoiding me for a specific reason?” Gwen said, already letting her insecurities take over again, as they had been doing frequently in those 2 days.

"What if he is dead on the living room floor, though?" Jen immediately exposed the worst case scenario, just to get her attention. "Maybe the crazy ex killed him and you are here thinking you got dumped."

“For god’s sake, Jenny?" Gwen felt sick and even looked for a chair to sit on.

Jen followed her. “Relax, I'm just kidding.” She sat right by Gwen and waited until a family member walked away to keep talking to her. “Why do you think he would avoid you?”

“I don’t know." Gwen sighed. “Maybe he decided to give his marriage another chance, after all, the last time I saw him and heard from him, he was with her."

"Only if he is stupid." Jen made a sarcastic noise with her mouth. “You said the date was really good. Maybe it's nothing like that, maybe it's something else. Do you want me to stop by and check on him?”

Gwen thought about that. She knew Jen very well and knew that if she went there and ran into Miranda, everything would end very badly, especially for Blake.

“No, not you, but I'm going to call and ask someone to go check on him. It's a good idea, thank you, sis.” She thanked her sister-in-law.

"I respect that." Jen held her hands up as if surrendering, because she knew very well why Gwen preferred to ask someone else to check on Blake. “But get someone to do that. This sounds very weird, but whatever it is, at least you'll know.” 

"Yeah, at least I'll know." Gwen agreed. 

And Jen was right, as usual, she couldn't spend another day not knowing what was going on with Blake, or at least if he was ok, so as soon as her sister-in-law walked away, she went upstairs to get away from others and called someone she knew would help.

"Hey, Adam, how are you?" She chose Adam Levine because she knew he would not refuse to check on his friend. 

And besides that, the first time Gwen had dinner at Blake's house, she went there because Adam had called her and asked her to check on Blake for him, now it was his turn to return the favor.

“Hey Gwen! I'm fine. How are you?" He asked as soon as he heard her voice.

"Worried." She was honest and straight to the point. "Have you heard from Blake recently?"

Adam was silent for a few seconds, probably thinking. "I spoke to him a few days ago, why?" And just like that he was curious and a little worried. 

“I haven't heard from him in two days. He doesn’t answer calls or text back. I'm really worried about him, but I don't want to go there, you know?” Gwen didn't know exactly how much Adam was aware of what was going on between the two of them, because they hadn't had time to talk after Vickie's article, but she figured he knew at least some of it, since he was very close to Blake. “Maybe he's just avoiding me. Could you check on him?”

“Did you two fight or something?" He asked, still trying to understand the situation. 

“No, we didn’t. I was with him a few days ago and we had a great time together." She couldn't help but think about their date, the hours they spent talking, the amazing sex and the morning after. It was all so good until Miranda got there, but she didn’t want to talk about that part, cause it wasn’t really her story to tell.

It was also really hard to believe that Blake was simply completely gone after that. Vanished like vapor.

"I'll go check on him right now." Adam told her. 

He knew Blake well enough to already know that something was wrong there. He still clearly remembered his friend telling him how much he liked Gwen the day he had to leave before their dinner even started. He was invested in that and since they didn’t fight, something else very bad must have happened for him to just be avoiding Gwen like that. Adam was even afraid to think what it might be. 

"Give me about 30 minutes and I'll call you back." He promised.

“Ok." Gwen breathed a sigh of relief just because she knew she would have news soon. "Thank you so much, Adam."

“Thank you, for letting me know what was happening. I'll call you soon.”

“Ok, I'll talk to you soon." And they hung up.

But Adam's call didn't come as fast as he said it would. When she was about to burst with anxiety because of that delay, Gwen finally had the courage to tell her mother that she wasn’t feeling very well, — even though she hadn't even come close to talking about the real reason for that — gathered her children and left with them. 

As soon as she parked the car in her garage, the phone rang.

"Damn it, now?” Gwen muttered under her breath.

“Uh oh, mommy.” Zuma heard it anyway.

“Sorry, baby." She said quietly and smiled at him. “Come on, boys, out and straight into the house. I will take Apollo to the nursery and I will check on you.” The younger boy was sleeping in his car seat. “I want all teeth very well brushed before bed, ok?”

“Ok.” The two older boys agreed.

When they got out and closed the car’s door, she quickly answered Adam's call and brought the phone to her ear. "Hey Adam.”

“Hey Gwen, sorry it took so long for me to call.” He said on the other side.

"Mom?" The light knock against the car's window made her flinch, but she soon realized it was Kingston and that he had come back without her even noticing.

"One second, Adam." She whispered and then opened the window. “What is it, baby?" 

“Are you ok?" He asked, looking at her with some hesitation.

Gwen immediately felt her heart break a little. She also felt very guilty for probably letting her concern show. “Yes puppy, I'm fine." She guaranteed. "I’m just worried about a friend, but it's going to be fine, ok?"

"I'm worried about you." The boy said, without hesitating this time.

“Don't worry about me, baby." She smiled, but she was killing herself with guilt on the inside. “As soon as I finish this call, I'll be in to be with you for a while before we go to sleep, ok?"

"Ok.” He agreed and quickly turned around.

“Hey, King.” She called him and he turned to her again. “You’re such a good boy, I love you.”

Kingston smiled. “I love you too.” Then he really turned to enter the house again.

Gwen deeply sighed and laid her head on the headrest. 

"Everything ok there?" Adam asked in her ear. He had heard the whole conversation, but decided not to comment on it. 

“Yes, so what happened there?" That was all she said about that and quickly changed the subject.

“I have news, but it’s not very good.” He said.

Gwen's heart skipped a beat and raced as if it was going to jump out of her chest. "What happened? Is he ok?”

"He is not ok at all, but physically he is fine." Adam told her. “He is very drunk, and based on his condition and the house’s, I would say that he has been drunk like this for days."

Her chest tightened to the point it hurt her. “Adam, Miranda was there." She said, even though she had omitted that from the start, but now knowing about Blake's condition, she thought Adam should know. “I was there with him and she showed up wanting to talk to him, so I decided to leave them alone. After that I didn't hear from him anymore.” Gwen could barely breathe. "She did something to him."

"Is that why you thought he was avoiding you and didn't want to check on him?" Adam quickly connected the dots.

She was taken aback by that direct question, but she thought she should be honest. “Yes. I thought he might be giving their marriage another chance and I didn't want to be in the middle of it if that was the case.” Confessing that tightened her chest even more.

"Miranda just hurts him, Gwen, it's her favorite thing to do. Seeing him the way he is now is a victory for her. Since he left her, she’s been trying to bring him down and she finally did it." Adam told her, holding nothing back. “I don't know what she did, but I know that she did something to him."

“Who are you talking to?" Gwen heard Blake's voice ask in the background and it did something to her heart. She missed him.

“I'm talking to Gwen, she was worried about you." Adam replied.

“Well, hang up the phone then. I don't want anything to do with her.” And that sentence was like a sharp knife piercing Gwen’s chest and going directly into her heart. The pain and confusion almost suffocated her.

“Shut up, asshole.” Adam put the phone away, but soon returned. "Sorry, are you still there?"

"Maybe you should hang up and focus on him." She said, after a few seconds of silence, absorbing the latest information.

"Sorry, he is very drunk, I told you." Adam tried to apologize for his friend because he knew she had heard that. 

"It's alright." Gwen lied. “You don't need to update me about him anymore. I know that you are there and that you will take good care of him, so let him talk to me if he wants after he feels better.”

He knew what she was trying to say. "Please don't give up on him." Adam quietly asked her.

"Adam, please..." She felt her chest get heavy and her breathing quickly became ragged. “I can’t do this right now. I need to go.”

He knew she was about to cry, so he didn't insist. “It's ok, I'm going to find out what's going on and I'm going to stay here with him for as long as he needs. You don't have to worry, ok?”

“Ok, thank you." She took a deep breath, holding back her tears and feeling completely stupid for wanting to cry at that moment. “I really need to go."

"Ok, good night." He said. “Say hi to the boys for me.”

“Ok, I will. Bye.” And she hung up.

Gwen needed to regain control of her emotions, which were all over the place, before getting out of the car and taking Apollo into the house with the other two boys, without anyone noticing that she was a mess again.

  


***

  


Adam opened the bedroom door very slowly, but the wood creaked and Blake opened his eyes at the slightest sign of company.

"How are you, man?" His friend asked when he saw that he was still awake. It was after midnight.

“What are you still doing here?" Blake asked, somewhat sulky.

“I was getting rid of all the alcohol in this house." Adam didn't care about his harsh tone.

"No, you didn't do that.” Blake started to get out of bed, but his head spun and he went right back to the laying position. "I think I am really drunk." Blake grunted.

“Really? You think so?" Adam mocked. “I will stay here until you detox."

“You don't have to." He waved a hand in the air, his eyes half closed. “Can you call Gwen? I think I miss her.”

“No." Adam shook his head. “When you're sober we will have a conversation about that."

Blake wasn’t expecting that response from his friend. “What the hell? I’m not a child, you don’t get to talk to me like that, Adam.”

“You screwed up, man.” Adam shrugged. “And it’s not even worth talking about it right now, cause you’re fucking drunk.”

Blake was silent for a few seconds. “I blew it, didn't I? I knew I would do that.” He finally said something. 

Adam sighed and finally entered the room to approach the bed where his friend was laying. "Blake, what happened?" He asked. “You pushed Gwen away.”

“Adam, I can't be with Gwen. She is too good for me. I will hurt her.” Blake sat on the bed slowly, rubbing his face.

"She told me Miranda was here, is that why you're putting yourself down like this?" Adam questioned.

Blake shook his head frenetically. “Miranda is right. I hurt the people I love.” He paused and took a deep breath because he felt his chest getting painfully heavy. “And I… I think..." His breathing became irregular and Blake felt his eyes water. "I think I _love_ Gwen.”

Adam stopped for a few seconds while Blake took a deep breath again to try to push away that feeling of suffocating guilt and sadness that seemed to want to overwhelm him.

"Breathe, man." Adam reacted again when Blake sobbed very quietly and he came over to sit next to his friend on the bed. "If you really feel that way, you need to get better and talk to her."

“No, I don't want to talk to her." Blake shook his head. “She will be much better off without me. She'll be fine, and her baby too.”

“Wait a minute, her baby? I thought it was your baby too. Did you take the test? Is it not yours?" Adam started asking several things in a row. If that was the problem, then maybe it would all make sense. 

"No!" Blake looked at him like that was an offense. "It's my baby too." He sighed afterwards. “It's just that they'll be better off without me. Her, the baby, the boys… All better without me.” Even though he was saying that and believing it was the absolute truth, it hurt. Imagining that Gwen and his baby would be better off without him hurt him deeply.

Adam knew he should let his friend decide what to do with his life for himself, but he thought of Kingston and how the whole situation was affecting even the little boy. Besides, it wasn't fair to Gwen.

“It is not true." He shook his head. “I know for a fact that she is not better off without you. She is worried and sad and yes, you are hurting her, but only because you decided to listen to your ex wife.” He deeply sighed. 

“No, this is temporary, she'll be better off without-"

"Shut up." Adam interrupted him. “You are drunk and annoying. I want you to go to sleep and tomorrow we will have a very strong coffee in the morning and a meaningful conversation. I want you to think about what you really want, because you have 2 options here, but both end up with you having to talk to Gwen. You are not just going to leave her, it’s not fair.” He said it all in an imperative tone. “If you really love her, like you said, and want to be with her, you will have to fight for her, because you may not be her favorite person right now. And if you decide to get out of this, fine, but you will talk to her anyway. Did you hear me? Don't be a coward.”

Blake listened in silence and when Adam finished, he nodded and sniffed. A lonely tear ran down his face.

"I want to fight for her."

"Tomorrow." Adam insisted. "When you wake up sober, then we will talk about it." He patted his friend on the shoulder, in contrast to the harsh way he had just talked to him to make him open his eyes. "Now go and rest, good night."

"Good night." Blake ran his hands over his face again before laying back in bed. “Thank you, Adam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam said: no♥️


	19. I’m trying to get a hold on this

It was, initially, a cloudy Sunday, but the weather was still hot and muggy in Los Angeles, despite the sun staying shyly hidden behind the dark clouds in the sky. 

Two more days had passed since Gwen had heard from Blake through Adam. After the news, she no longer sought to know about anything related to him, and as much as she would find herself thinking and worrying about him, she knew that Adam was in control of the situation and everything would be fine eventually — or so she hoped. She was not needed in that situation — nor wanted — and she shouldn't get into a problem that wasn’t hers in that moment, especially since she had so many problems of her own to deal with. 

Instead of letting herself sink completely because she was missing Blake and the way he used to make her feel when he was around, she decided to take a day off to be with her children. The next week was battle rounds week at ‘The Voice’ and it would be a busy few days, filled with work, and her boys would stay with their father for the next two weeks. She needed to enjoy the time she still had with them, so Gwen gave Marissa the day off that Sunday too, and spent the whole morning with her kids. They had breakfast out, visited a toy store and returned home to spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon by the pool, since the sun decided to show its face later that day. 

She stayed with them all the time and made sure to disconnect from the rest of the world. At night, when it was after 9pm on that quiet and fun Sunday, the youngest were already in bed and she let Kingston stay up late so the two of them would have a little more time to bond without the other boys around, after all, King was the most affected by all the changes in the family, since he was the oldest and old enough to understand part of what was going on.

"You want a baby girl now, don't you?" The little boy asked her as they were making sandwiches together on the kitchen island in the center of the room, so they could take them to school the next day.

“I would love to have a girl, but it doesn't matter, if it is a boy we will love it too, won't we?" She answered his question as she cut pieces of carrot on a wooden board, to send in the lunchbox along with the sandwiches Kingston was carefully assembling.

She wielded a large sharp knife and he a small bread knife to spread peanut butter.

“Yes we will." The boy agreed. "I wanted to have a sister too, but it's okay if it's a boy." Kingston seemed amused to be assisting his mother in something. He knew that she had been having tough days and wanted to help her to take it easy as much as he could, and that included not asking so many questions, but at the same time, he had so many things he was curious about with the new dynamic at their house and the family’s new situation. 

"Dad isn't coming back home, is he?" He decided to ask suddenly. “He says he will, but I don't think you want him back here." 

Gwen put the knife down on the board and turned towards her son. She always knew that conversation would come, but she didn't know it would be that soon.

"King, your dad and I are getting a divorce." She told him. “That means that we will no longer be married, but we will still be mom and dad. It means that he will have his life and I will have mine, but we will continue to put you and your brothers first, do you understand that?”

“I guess.” The boy didn’t seem too happy about that answer. “But why? He said he wants to come home. Why won’t you let him come back to us?” Kingston insisted on that subject, showing that he was much more confused than he seemed to be before. 

“That is not the way it works, baby. It wasn't an easy decision for me either, but it was one that I had to make.” Gwen was honest and open with him, to a point that she knew it was fair and that he would understand. “I wasn’t happy with him here. We were fighting too much and it wasn’t good for anyone, even for you and your baby brothers.” 

“You don’t seem happy now that he’s away either.” He crossed his arms over his small body as if he needed to shield himself from something. “Maybe it’s something else that is making you sad. Maybe it’s this stupid new baby.”

"Kingston?" Gwen frowned. Her head worked quickly, trying to understand what was going on inside her son's mind and at the same time thinking about how to best react to it without inflicting more frustrations, related to the baby she was expecting, on him. “I don't like the way you are talking. Why are you acting like this?" She opted for open conversation and communication.

“Because I want dad to come back home. It's his house too, he should be able to stay here with us.” Kingston said, his tone was frustrated and upset. “I don't want to see him just sometimes, like now. If you are going to stay here and he is going to live somewhere else, can I live with him?”

That question took her by surprise and it hit her like an unexpected wave, so cold that it hurt to the bone. Gwen felt her chest tighten and it was even hard to breathe when she realized that, if she had any doubts that she had failed as a mother, right there she had no more: She was a failure.

“Can we talk about this another day?” She asked, feeling her lower lip quiver and her eyes get watery. She couldn't deny that she felt stupid for crying over something that her 9 year old son probably didn't really mean to say.

"Why don't you love him more?" But Kingston didn’t seem to notice — or maybe he did, but insisted anyway — looking at her with serious features.

Gwen started to wonder if those questions were really in his mind or if someone had influenced him to ask that.

“There is no answer to that. One day you will understand." She told him, patiently and and externally controlling her emotions again, even though she was freaking out on the inside. "Who told you to ask that?" She asked him directly. 

The boy shrugged. "Nobody, I just wanted to know." He said, turning his attention to spread peanut butter on bread. "I don't want you to be angry, or sad, ok?" Kingston explained, completely abandoning his frustrated tone and features to a worried one.

She nodded and smiled at him, even though she was still a little upset.

“It's ok, baby." Gwen assured him. "I love you. And you should know that regardless of anything, I will always love you and your brothers. I know things are weird, but everything will be ok soon.” 

“I know that." King nodded back.

The two of them went back to their tasks and Gwen took a second to look at her phone. There was a notification – or rather, many of them – about a new article mentioning her name. She held her breath for a few seconds before opening it. 

_THE SAD TRUTH ABOUT BLAKE SHELTON  
Sources close to Miranda Lambert say the singer had an abortion last year and they accuse Shelton of being the main reason why she made the decision not to go ahead with the pregnancy. The sources also say Lambert is in a very fragile state at the moment, knowing that her ex-husband is likely to be the father of the baby that his ‘The Voice’ colleague, Gwen Stefani, is expecting.  
The beginning of the No Doubt's front-woman’s divorce also doesn't seem to be going very well. Gwen is struggling to keep life organized while preparing to be a single mother of 4 children soon. According to records acquired exclusively by E! news, Kingston – Stefani's first born (9) – hasn’t been doing so great in school. In fact, his performance is far from satisfactory since his parents separation and the whole situation to which the young boy has been exposed to at home._

"Mom?" The startled tone in Kingston's voice made Gwen stop reading that to look around, trying to understand what was wrong with the boy.

She ended up dropping her phone when she realized she was holding the sharp knife inside her other hand and had absently pressed the blade against her own palm with her fingers, causing a cut that was already bleeding profusely. She couldn't tell if it was the sight of the blood running down her arm or the emotional stress, but as soon as the burning pain hit her, Gwen felt a shiver rise up her spine and her body became weak. Her heartbeat and blood pressure dropped at once and her legs almost gave out, so she had to use both hands to hold on to the kitchen island, even if it made the recent cut in her palm sting even more.

"It's… ok, King." She lied, because she couldn't even imagine how scared the boy must have been. Her hand was throbbing with pain and she couldn’t even breathe.

Gradually, Gwen bent down to sit on the kitchen floor before she collapsed in front of her eldest son and ended up traumatizing him forever. By then she could barely see anything, her vision was very blurred.

Kingston was watching her with wide eyes, a few steps away.

“Can you grab my phone and call an adult? Aunt Jen maybe, or Uncle Todd.” She asked him. 

Her upper body was supported against the kitchen island and she had her head slightly tilted back. The cut on her hand wasn’t even the main problem anymore, Gwen was sure she would pass out soon and she needed someone there for Kingston and the other two boys. 

He approached her slowly, his facials expressions were still scared, but he did exactly what his mother asked him to.

"Why don't you wait in the living room, baby?" She could barely open her eyes by then.

“But mom?" The boy did not seem to want to leave her there alone to make the necessary calls his mom wanted him to make.

"I'm fine, I promise." It wasn’t true and King knew it very well. He could tell just by looking at her.

Gwen couldn't open her eyes properly, her arms were hanging on the sides of her body as if she didn't even have the strength to move them, her hand was bleeding a lot still and her face was so pale that her lips didn't even have any color in them anymore. 

But she was still trying her best not to look so bad so that he wouldn’t worry too much. She was doing a terrible job, though, but it wasn’t her fault. 

Kingston only really moved away because he heard the doorbell ring. It couldn't be any of the adults he was trying to contact because he was so shocked that he wasn’t able to call anyone yet, but at that point, any adult would be of great help.

"King, don't open the door to strangers." Even in her worst times, Gwen was still worried about things like the doorbell and how maybe her son shouldn’t open the door at all. 

But he walked away and she didn't think her legs — her whole body, actually — were stable enough for her to be able to get up and follow him, so she waited in silence, feeling her head pounding and the blood pressure starting to pick up again. 

"Gwen?" Blake rushed into the kitchen after what King told him as soon as he opened the door, but he needed an extra second to find her hidden behind the kitchen island.

The twinge of pain he felt in his chest when he saw her sitting on the floor, pale and bleeding was something he believed was certainly similar to a heart attack, because for a second he thought he was going to collapse too.

"Blake?" Gwen was very confused when she opened her eyes and saw him. “What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you, but King said you fell." He looked around, searching for a reason for her to have fallen or hurt herself, cause he didn’t know where the bloodstains were coming from and he was so afraid it was related to her pregnancy. 

"I didn't fall, I just sat here." She explained, so it wouldn't look too bad. "I cut my hand.” She opened her hand to show him the damage. “I think my blood pressure dropped to nothing.”

“Oh no." He took a cloth from the kitchen counter and made sure it was clean, then bent down to use it to apply pressure to the cut on her hand. "Damn, that doesn't look good. Where can I find salt?”

“Salt?” Gwen quickly closed her hand back again, squeezing the cloth against her palm.

“Salt.” He repeated it, but he was already standing up and looking for it himself. 

And Blake found it, on top of the counter there was a small porcelain pot with ‘salt’ written on it. He tasted it, just to be sure, and then dropped a little in his palm.

“Open your mouth."

“Hm?" She didn't understand exactly what he meant.

“It’ll help the blood pressure to rise quicker. Open it.”  
Gwen did what he asked, so Blake bent down beside her and held her chin up so he could tilt his hand and throw the small amount of salt into her mouth. “Let the salt dissolve on your tongue."

She did as he asked again, and leaned her head against the kitchen island behind her while closing her eyes.

Blake took the opportunity to check the cut on her hand and cleaned around it. "Are you alright?"

“I will be ok.” Gwen took a deep breath.

“Ok, come on.” He slipped an arm behind her back and another under her legs to lift her off the floor.

Blake tucked her into his arms, making sure she was comfortably propped up against his chest. “Let's take care of it, ok?"

“No, put me down." She seemed to suddenly remember why she was feeling a strange discomfort in her chest with him close by. 

Blake did as she asked, but only when he was in the living room and close enough to lay her on the couch.

"Don't be difficult now." He told her.

Gwen gasped. “Oh, am I being difficult? Too bad for you, Mr. ‘I don’t want anything to do with her’.”

"Yeah, I know I screwed up, I know." He sighed as he raised her hand to take a closer look at the cut again. "Let me just take care of this, ok? You can throw me out later.”

"No, you can't disappear when you want to and come back when you feel like it." She complained and pulled her injured hand away from him. “You went missing for two days, I was worried sick. What would have happened if I hadn't asked Adam to check on you? You would just never speak to me ever again?”

“I don't-" Blake started to respond, but he noticed Kingston spying on them behind the wall that divided the living room from the hall's corridor. "Hey, buddy, do you want to help me here?" He asked the boy, not intending to ignore Gwen's question, but doing it anyway. 

She didn't care, especially since King nodded and approached them.

"Are you scared of things like blood and bruises?" Blake kept asking the boy, but exchanged a quick look with Gwen too. 

The two of them shook their heads almost at the same time. He then took Gwen's hand again and showed him the cut that was easier to see now.

“It’s not too deep, see? Which means it doesn't need stitches, we just need to wash and protect it.” Blake was telling the boy, who had changed his frightened features to more curious ones. “I’ll help your mom wash this, why don't you bring me everything you have here to take care of a cut? We will need the medicine that mom uses on you boys when you get hurt, and something to cover and protect the cut afterwards, something big.”

"Like a big band-aid?" King asked him. 

"Yes, something like that." Blake prompted him. “Maybe bigger.”

“Ok, I will get it all.” 

“Good boy.” He praised him too. “You have no idea how big of a help you are right now.”

The little boy nodded and turned around to go upstairs to get what Blake had asked for. He didn’t even seem like that scared boy anymore. 

  


***

  


"Be very careful, do it slowly and gently." Blake mentored Kingston as he was applying medicine to Gwen's cut.

Being of assistance had helped the boy overcome the initial dread he had felt watching his mother get hurt, and Blake knew very well that was the best thing to do in that situation, because he had been the scared boy many times when he was growing up. 

As soon as Kingston finished his task, Blake protected the recent cut in Gwen's palm with gauze and bandage tape.

"Good job, buddy." He raised his hand and King high-fived him. 

The boy had a subtle smile on his lips. 

"I am so proud of you." Gwen told her son. “You dealt with it like a champion."

"I wasn't even scared." Kingston shrugged, chuckling.

“Yes, I noticed that." Blake laughed about it, without making it clear that the comment was not really true. "Thanks for the help, buddy." 

“Now you have to go brush your teeth and go to bed, ok?” Gwen told him. "Tomorrow is a school day."

"Ok.” King whined. “Wait, mom?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I’m sorry.” He got closer to her. She was still laying on the couch. “I didn’t mean to say those things I said to you.”

“It’s ok, King.” Gwen used her good hand to caress his face. “I’m sorry if I don’t have all the answers you need right now, it’s all really confusing to me too.”

“I love you, mom.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead, as if he was the adult there. “You should behave yourself." He joked with her. Gwen softly laughed. 

"I will make sure she behaves." Blake had just been quietly watching them, but decided to joke with the boy too.

“Zuma won't even believe you were here, Blake. He keeps saying that you will spend the afternoon playing with him one day.” King told Blake.

"Zuma says what?" Gwen exchanged looks between the two of them, very confused. 

“It's my fault, I told him I would come, a while ago." Blake explained. “I haven't done it yet." 

“You really should come." The boy said. "It's better than listening to Zuma talking about it all the time, it's annoying."

"Kingston?" Gwen warned him.

“Sorry." He laughed. "Goodnight, Blake."

“Goodnight, Kingston." Blake waved. 

The boy didn't take long to make his way upstairs, and any fears or trauma that night brought had barely stuck with him after the way Blake had made him feel helpful and grownup. He felt like he knew exactly what to do next time, and it calmed him down. He also felt that having another adult around that night, when his mother did not seem very well — again — was a really good thing. It was as if for the first time, he didn't have to worry, but it wasn't like he knew how bad things could really get downstairs in the living room.

"Maybe you will need some stitches on that cut, actually." Blake said to Gwen, when absolute silence took over the room. “I didn't want him to be scared and I wanted him to feel useful, so I thought these bandages were the best thing to distract him."

“I know, you did a fantastic job." She told him, regarding the way he had distracted Kingston from that night's frightening events. “I didn't do it on purpose, you know?" Gwen slightly changed the subject to talk about something she thought was important that he knew. “I’m not trying to kill myself. It was that tabloid article.” She ran her finger lightly over the newly made bandage on her other hand, and she made sure that was distracting enough so she didn’t have to look at him.

“Yeah, I saw that. It was Vickie again.” Blake told her. “Did you hurt yourself because of this?"

"I said it wasn't on purpose.” She repeated it. “I was distracted reading and somehow the knife ended up in my hand.” Gwen quickly realized she was sounding crazy anyway, so she sighed. “I don't know, my head hasn’t been in the right place lately. It’s a normal thing, it’s called pregnancy brain. I can't focus on anything.”

"I read about it." Blake confessed in an undertone. 

Gwen was laying on the couch and he was sitting on the floor beside her. “Did you really?" She looked at him for the first time since King left them alone. 

“Yeah, I always read about the week we're in and all the new things it brings. Changes and symptoms too.” He explained, also looking at her. “You are almost 16 weeks pregnant now.”

Knowing that Blake was looking for information about her current pregnancy phase made her feel appreciated again, but Gwen soon remembered that they had a lot to talk about and so many things to sort out between them.

"I don't understand you, Blake." She watched him as he slowly turned to face the living room wall in front of him, instead of her face. “First you are so good to me. You say you will be here by my side, that you want to be part of this baby's life and you make me feel like the most appreciated woman in the whole world. But, in the next second you push me away, shutdown and disappear. What do you want from me, Blake? Are you going to tell me or are we just going to pretend nothing really happened?” 

"No, we are not pretending it didn't happen, I came here to talk about it." He told her, looking at her again. "You know how it all happened, I don't have to say it, do I?"

"I have my suspicions, but I want to hear from you." She said, decidedly. Gwen wasn’t backing down, he would have to explain everything. "So please tell me."

Blake felt his throat go dry and had to take a deep breath as he organized his thoughts. “Miranda got there and you left. She and I have two completely different views and understandings about the time we spent together and our marriage.” He started to tell her. “She cheated on me, you know that. I thought the way she acted was because she had other men, but she says she had other men because I was absent and drunk and I stopped paying attention to her ” Gwen was just quietly listening, giving him her full attention. “I know I was stupid, but I believed her. And I still believe her. If I hurt her without even realizing it, what prevents me from hurting you even if I really don’t want to?” He wanted to keep staring at her eyes to make her understand him, but he felt so defeated that he ended up staring at the living room rug instead. 

She wanted to answer something like: _‘nothing will prevent you, you just hurt me by disappearing like that’, but she didn’t._

"If you walk away from people out of fear of one day maybe hurting them, you will be alone forever, Blake." She said that, instead. "I don't like the idea of you being alone forever because I care about you.”

“Well don’t." Blake lifted his head to look at her again, this time gathering all his courage to not look away. "I screwed up enough times to know that I'm going to do it again.”

“What are you most afraid of here?" Gwen sat down slowly on the couch, and gave him space to sit next to her, but Blake didn’t even dare to move. 

"I'm afraid of hurting you." he said. It was no mystery.

“And yet you did it." She pointed her finger this time, but there was a point in doing so. “Do you know what I'm most afraid of?”

He didn't understand that line of thinking and questioning, but he didn’t really want to interrupt. "No. What are you most afraid of?” With that question he got up and sat on the couch next to her.

“I'm afraid of you leaving.” Gwen confessed without hesitation. “I told Jen, before our date, that you could leave the next day if you wanted to, and you did it. You did just that, right next day.” 

Blake felt a sharp pain in his chest. He had always known she was afraid of that. Gwen had talked about him leaving sooner or later many times, she had been very open about her fears and insecurities and he had hit her exactly where it hurts the most, without thinking before, without considering his better options and without contemplating her fears and insecurities, which he had come to know very well.

“And I promised that I would stay, that I wouldn’t go anywhere. I promised that I would take care of you. But I didn’t.” He accused himself. He was fully convinced that he had been an idiot and it was even physically hurting him to know that he could have done so much better by her.

“I don't need you to take care of me, I need you to trust me so that I can help you the way you help me." Gwen was honest with him again. She wasn't mad at him, she had never been, she was just a little disappointed and, yes, hurt. “I think what I'm trying to say is that there's no way to predict whether you're going to hurt someone, even when you know there are things that would certainly hurt them. What really matters is your intentions.” She said, trying to make clear her reason for pointing out his mistakes. “You never intended to hurt anyone. For God's sake, you hurt me because you didn't want to hurt me, Blake. So to what extent do you think you can control this?” His facial expressions were serious, but Gwen could read far beyond that. She could clearly see the sad gleam in his blue eyes.

Blake took a deep breath and felt his chest heaving even worse than it had been constantly doing these past few days. "I don’t deserve you." He sobbed softly and it broke her heart.

Gwen came closer to him on the couch and laid her head on his shoulder. Since she had initiated physical contact, his arms quickly enveloped her in a tight hug. He missed her. He missed her so much that his whole body shook and he sobbed loudly when he thought he could still lose her forever. Surprising himself, Blake let the tears run silently down his face, in a way he had never allowed himself to do in front of anyone else before.

"I don’t want to lose you. I’ve made many mistakes and I will probably make many more, because I am not used to having anything good and I am not used to having someone on my side ready to hear what I have to say, or how I’m feeling. I don't even know how to feel, most of the time.”

Gwen turned her face to look at him, her chin lightly resting on his shoulder. She was still trapped in that embrace, firmly huddled in his strong arms. Arms that seemed to enjoy every second they had to still hold her tight, as if there was a deadline for it to end.

"She... She does something to me." When she was about to say something, Blake spoke again, so she didn't interrupt him. “She knows exactly where it hurts the most and aims to hit it." He said. “She hid so many things from me, she lied, she cheated, she omitted important things, but she decided to tell me part of her lies that day. The worst part is that I'm so used to her lying that I don't know if a word of what she said was really true.” He confessed, pausing because he could hardly breathe between the silent cry and the outburst. “She made sure to point out how I'm not ready to support and love this baby too."

"Hm..." Gwen interrupted him briefly, causing Blake to turn his neck towards her. “Funny, because it seems to me that you already love this baby." She said. 

He nodded slowly. "I do." Blake's face contorted and Gwen felt her heart sink. “She said she had an abortion. I didn't even know about that. She accused me of not even noticing it because I didn't pay attention to her.” 

She could tell he was talking about very painful things, which he preferred not to talk about or remember, but he was still sharing with her, and that alone counted as a step forward.

“So were the tabloids right? How could they know about that?” She asked, noting something important in that coincidence that didn't sound like a coincidence at all.

“Yes, I noticed the same thing." Blake let go of Gwen to look her in the eye. “I think Miranda and Vickie are communicating. Everything she wrote in that article must have come from Miranda, there’s no other way.” 

“Oh, great. That’s just great.” She rolled her eyes, but decided not to cling to the worst details at that moment. She had Blake right beside her, talking to her the way she wanted, trusting and seeking comfort from her.

"Look, I don't think you have to be punished." Gwen decided to say, being as honest as possible, even to herself. She reached out to get rid of the tears under his eyes. “But I think you need some time for yourself. Time to understand what you want, to decide which path you want to take now.”

“I know what I want." Blake interrupted her.

"I'm not so sure about that." Gwen tried to be careful with him, even though she stood her ground there. "And I need you to be sure, because yes, I’m afraid of you leaving, I’m attached to you, really, but it doesn’t matter, I can get used to being alone again. I will be ok, but this…” She took one of his hands with her good hand and took it directly to her small baby bump. “This is forever. If you decide you want to be part of this baby's life, you won’t be able to leave tomorrow.” 

"But I don't-"

"Don't" She interrupted him, pushing his hand away. “I need you to take your time to think. I need you to be sure.”

“I'm just afraid that I'll screw things up." He said, opening up again and being honest. “I'm a mess right now and I know you know what that means because you go through it too. I don't want my mess to affect your life and baby orange’s life.” He said, referring again to the baby's size.

Gwen almost felt comfortable enough to let go of her whole plan and train of thought, but she concentrated on not giving in to that warm, familiar feeling.

"Stars, remember?" She suddenly said, and chuckled, which was in stark contrast to the serious talk they were having. “Beautiful things can be born out of messes and dust. You told me that."

It took Blake a few seconds just looking at her and admiring how perfect her facial features were and at the same time, how impressive it was that she knew exactly what to say at the right time. He had to fight the urge to tell her again that he already knew what he wanted.

"Ok, I'll take whatever time you want me to take and be sure." He said what he knew she wanted to hear, after all, he needed to give that to her at least.

"Not as long as I want, but as long as you need." Gwen corrected him. “You should go to Oklahoma, I know you need it and you like being there." 

Blake took that as a hint. He wasn't the only one who needed time and space, she needed it too.

“Yeah, I think you're right. I'll do that then." He agreed with her again, just because he knew it was what she wanted. “We're still going to talk, right? Are you going to tell me about everything?”

"Of course." She agreed on the spot. "We're friends. _We’re having a baby together_. You will know everything about me and baby orange.”

 _Friends_. Blake took it in slowly. They had regressed to just friends again, but it was to be expected and it was entirely his fault.

“Yeah, ok." He smiled at her, trying not to show that this was not what he wanted. 

He had already hurt her once, he had no intention of doing that ever again. Blake would let her guide in whatever rhythm she wanted now, and he would dance to the music she would choose too.

  


***

  


The sound of the doorbell ringing over and over again and Betty barking in unison with that made him open his eyes and frown. Blake lifted his torso quickly and realized he had fallen asleep on the couch again. His entire body protested about it when he got up. And it hurt.

He hadn't been drunk out of his mind anymore, or for many days on a roll, like he had done the week before, but he had been drinking the night before.

"That's enough, Betty." Blake talked to his dog in a warning tone when the doorbell started to fire again, with a deafening noise that made his head pound. "I'm coming!" 

This time he did not fail to check who was knocking on his door so early, judging that according to his cell phone, it was still 7am on a Wednesday.

“But what the-" His reaction was one of pure surprise before Blake turned the key and opened the door as fast as he could. "What happened? Is she fine?" He felt his heart beating so fast that it hurt inside his chest.

"What were you doing asleep?" Jen crossed her arms and looked at him with a frown. His wrinkled face and ruffled hair made it clear that Blake hadn't even started his day yet. “Do you know what day it is?" 

“What?" He seemed confused. "What are you talking about?"

“God, don't you get tired of being stupid?" She made room for herself by pushing the door to enter. “It is the baby's appointment day. It's almost time, actually.” 

"I know that." Blake frowned. “But I can't go." 

"How come you can't go?" It was Jen's turn to frown. She looked over his shoulder and checked if there was any visible reason why he couldn't leave the house. “Are you busy or something?"

"Hm, no." Blake shook his head and even stepped aside, in case Jen really wanted to see anything behind him. He had nothing to hide. “I talked to Gwen a few days ago and she told me that we should give each other time and space." He explained.

"No, that's not what she said." Jen immediately pointed.

“How would you know?"

"Oh, I know everything." She turned and closed the door behind them on her own. “She told you to take the time to decide what you want. It's been a few days already. What do you want?"

"No, she told me to go back to Oklahoma." He corrected her too. “She knew that if I went to the ranch, I wouldn't be here for the baby's appointment, so maybe she doesn't want me to go?”

Jen stood there, as if she expected him to say something that was really important. “So? I don't see you in Oklahoma right now.”

"That's because I chose to stay here. If I had listened to what she told me to do, I would be far from here today.” Blake justified himself and shrugged. “She told me to go."

“Well, Blake, sometimes we say stupid things just to see what you guys are going to do." Jen sighed. “Are you going to cry about it or do you want to actually do something to fight for her?”

"Did she ask you to come here and check on me?" He asked directly. 

"What? Hell no, are you crazy? She doesn't even dream that I'm here.” She shook her head frantically. “And I hope it stays that way." Jen warned him. “But I am here because of her, because I know she wont demand anything from you, but she wanted you there, so I am demanding it.”

"Ok." Blake agreed, not entirely sure he understood it. “Do you really think she wants me there, though?”

"That depends. Did you take your time to think about what you want and be sure of it?”

“I didn't need any time, I always knew what I wanted." He made it clear. “I want to be there with her. Today and always."

"So what are you doing here, Blake?" Jen stamped one foot on the floor, with no extra patience. "You don't want that filthy rat alone with her there, sniffing her neck the entire time, do you?"

"Oh, hell no." Blake made up his mind quickly at that moment. "How much time do I still have?"

"Hm…” Jen checked the time on her phone. "Maybe 30 minutes, if you can go get changed now." 

Blake didn't even respond, he just turned and headed out into the hall. 

"Wait, give me the car keys." Jen asked. 

"What?" He turned to her, confused again. 

“The car keys, dummy, come on. I'm going to get it out of the garage and wait for you outside.” She repeated the request impatiently.

"Ok." He reached for the furniture in the hall and threw the key in her direction. Jen grabbed them in the air. “I hope you don’t take forever. And get that hair situation figured out, please. It just screams ‘I just woke up’, it’s not pretty.” She stated.

Blake went up the stairs laughing, but his heart was beating fast and his adrenaline was rushing. He hoped he could get there in time, before Gwen went in for the baby’s appointment. All he wanted most was to be able to be there with her.


	20. It always comes back to you and me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long this time. But here we are.  
> Thank you so much for those still reading and commenting, it really means a lot. ♥️
> 
> But let’s go!

“Did you sign the papers for me?” Gwen asked in an undertone.

“Honey, please, I’m on the phone.” Gavin looked at her for a second to complain, but soon he was staring at the wall and paying attention to the conversation in his ear again. “But what exactly happened, Joe? We had the studio booked for months, they can't just book it for someone else.” 

He had been busy solving work problems, or whatever that was, on the phone since they got there. But Gwen didn’t really mind. 

“Don’t call me that.” She whispered just to annoy him.

Gwen was sitting next to him on the uncomfortable, yet very fancy, wooden chair. The doctor's office waiting room was almost empty, except for another couple who occupied the sofa on the far left side of the room. A woman, who appeared to be in her late twenties, with short blond hair, very pale skin and a huge, rounded baby bump that indicated she was probably just a few weeks from giving birth. Right beside her, a much older man, with a gray beard and hair combed back and fixed with some kind of gel. Gwen wished for a second that he was the girl's father, because she looked too young for him. However, his behavior seemed to mimic Gavin's, as they both paid no attention to anything other than their respective phone calls.

“Are you alright?" She was taken aback when she heard the other woman speak to her. She hadn't even realized that she was also being watched while watching them.

"Hm... yes." She nodded slowly.

"Ok, sorry, is that… your legs." The unknown woman waved her head discretely in Gwen’s direction and she realized for the first time that her legs were anxiously shaking non-stop, and probably since she had sat there. "Are you worried about the baby?"

She could just confirm it, say that it was her 16-week ultrasound and that many tests would be taken to see if there was anything wrong with the baby and that it scared her a little, but that wasn’t entirely true, and for some reason the real truth was exactly what came out of her mouth.

"No, I've been through this many times." Gwen explained, her voice sounded a little rough at first, since she was sitting there and completely silent for long minutes already, but she cleared her throat and continued. "I was just hoping someone else would be here with me today, but they aren’t."

She didn't feel any fear or have any trouble saying that, because Gavin was still fighting with someone on the phone and didn't pay attention to anything that happened around him.

"Oh." The woman nodded as if it all made so much sense to her now, and she threw Gwen a sympathetic look. “Family is a complicated thing, right?" She lightly stroked her own bump.

_Oh yes_ , and Gwen couldn't even begin to explain how complicated it was that her unborn baby had two potential fathers at the time and she was disappointed that one of them wasn’t there with her. The only one she really wanted to be there.

"Yes, it's complicated." Instead of explaining anything, she just said that.

"Rossdale?" The medical assistant had made her way to the middle of the waiting room and called for them.

Gavin got up first, probably because of the sound of his last name, Gwen still took a little more time adjusting the bag on her shoulder and her long sweater over the clothes she wore.

"Goodbye." She said very quietly to the other woman, and nodded briefly.

"Good luck." The other whispered back.

Gwen turned and Gavin put a hand on her shoulder as if he needed to guide her somewhere. She took advantage of the fact that he was still busy on the call and a little distracted, and subtly dodged him after a few seconds. Gavin didn't even seem to notice, his hand waved in the air for a few seconds and then he used it to straighten the shirt he was wearing while continuing his call.

They followed the woman down the long hallway.

"Gwen?" They were already in the middle of the way, towards the exam room when that voice calling for her made her freeze at first, and then quickly turn to the entrance to the waiting room again. 

And he was there, standing at the beginning of the hallway, as if he didn't know whether to approach her or not, and so he was waiting for permission.

“Blake!" Gwen felt like screaming his name and running to him. Just the sight of Blake standing farther away, but present there, did something to her heart. Her stomach fluttered like it was dominated by a cluster of butterflies desperately flapping their wings.

"You came." She left Gavin and the medical assistant behind and moved toward him.

Blake moved forward too, and met her in the middle of the way.

"I'm sorry, I'm really stupid." One of his hands cupped her face and Gwen held on tightly to his arm as if to make sure he was there and that was not just a hopeful sight. “I am so glad I got here in time. I’m here and I will stay. I'm all in, I promise. I don't have to think about it anymore.”

"You really are?" Again, she felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach and her hand went up over Blake's hand, which was on her face. 

"I am. For as long as you want me to be here. This is where I want to be." The look they exchanged intensified and Blake caressed Gwen's face while her lips curved into a content smile.

“Aw how cute." Gavin appeared behind Gwen and made Blake lose his focus on her to look at him. He hadn't even seen her — soon to be ex, hopefully — husband there before.

Gwen let go of Blake's hand and he pulled his away from her face.

“Why did you guys stop? I didn't mean for you to be shy in my presence at all.” Gavin's tone was charged with sarcasm and irritation, and he finally seemed to have finished his work call. 

"Don't start with that, if you make a scene in front of the doctor, I'll send you out of the room." Gwen warned him.

“I'm not doing anything, honey." Gavin laughed, but it was not even close to a genuine laugh. “I'm glad the cowboy made it. This is about to get very interesting.”

“You call me that like it's an insult." Blake shrugged. "But it doesn't bother me at all."

“I'm sure it's better when my wife calls you that in bed." Gavin frowned, really wanting to start something there.

"Oh..." Blake pretended to think for a second. "Yeah, you're right, it's a lot better."

"Oh my God!" Gwen pulled Blake's arm and pushed Gavin away. "Enough of that." She took a brief look in the medical assistant’s direction and the woman was looking at them too.

"Ok… hm... follow me." The woman seemed a little embarrassed at being caught paying attention to their conversation, but she turned and started to guide them toward the exam room again.

  


***

  


“The baby is forming and strengthening many small muscles this week. It moves its face now and can even make some facial expressions. It can also move its neck now.” The doctor explained while pointing at the monitor where the ultrasound image was showing. 

The baby's heartbeat could be heard in the background, loud, fast, and steady.

"I feel it moving a little sometimes, especially if I'm laying down and quiet." Gwen told her. 

"That is great, it's a strong baby." The doctor smiled at her.

“It's getting so big too. I can see it so much better now.” Blake said, astonished, as he stared at the screen.

He was standing between the monitor and the exam table where Gwen was laying, while Gavin was sitting on a chair in the other corner of the room and barely paying attention to what was happening there. 

"Oh wait, it's moving." He widened his blue eyes. 

“See? I told you, it moves a lot.” Gwen laughed as she exchanged looks between the monitor screen and Blake's reactions.

“Those are the legs." The doctor indicated the part of the baby's body that kicked frenetically. "The baby is probably happy to hear your voice, Blake." She joked, but was presented with a scowl from Gavin. Not that the doctor really cared.

"It can hear me now?” Blake asked, more amazed than ever. Gwen even saw a new sparkle in his eyes.

"Yes. Maybe not so clearly yet, but soon it will hear you very well, give it another 2 weeks. And the baby will recognize sounds and voice tones that it hears now in the womb when it’s born.”

"Is it going to know my voice?" His eyes were still a little wide, and his lips were slightly parted in surprise. 

Blake was genuinely excited every time he heard of those little things about the baby that he had no idea before.

"You should sing for the baby sometimes." Gwen said, in a low, caring tone. 

But Gavin's mocking chuckle from the back of the room made her briefly irritated, until Blake looked at her with a big smile on his face and his blue eyes showing more affection and kindness than ever. 

"I could do this every day of my life." He honestly said. 

Gwen felt that comfortable warmth inside her again, something only Blake was capable of making her feel lately, and it came with the feeling that no one could ruin any of that for her, not even Gavin.

“Hey doc, there’s a lot less space in there now. Is it normal?” Blake turned to the doctor, showing some concern. 

"Well, Gwen should be a lot bigger than she is right now." Her nonchalant husband meddled in the conversation, looking away from the phone in his hands for a second. “The baby must be smaller than it should be." 

There was a brief silence in the exam room as Gwen frowned at her husband. He always found a way to criticize her, either because she was too big or because she was not big enough in her pregnancies. Each stage was a different surprise, if she remembered it well. 

And Blake was completely brand new at all that, so anyone could see on his face that he was truly concerned.

“You should eat more." Gavin added, insisting on the subject.

“You should shut up." Blake seemed to quickly understand the situation there and decided to react, since nobody seemed to want to. He could be new at the baby thing, but he knew jerks like Gavin Rossdale very well. 

“Actually, Gwen is doing very well." The doctor interrupted, before it became a mess. 

Gwen had talked to her the week before and said that the two of them would be there and what that meant. The doctor did not care at all, as long as they did not interfere with the examination process and did not contribute to making the situation even more complicated than it already was. She knew Gwen and the complicated factors of that pregnancy from the beginning and didn't think more stress would help at all.

“The baby is the perfect size for this stage and its weight is within the normal range as well. We don't have to worry. Each pregnancy is different and comparing them only makes mom anxious, so how about we don’t do that?”

"Thank you, doctor." Gwen sighed with relief. 

She couldn't even imagine feeling guilty for impairing her baby's development, after all, she already felt like a below average mother to her other 3 children at the time. 

"Look, it keeps kicking like a boss." Blake softly chuckled. “It got that from you when you want attention." He looked at Gwen.

She laughed out loud. "Hey, what do you mean by that?" She crossed her arms, faking a mad facial expression, but she could barely contain her smile.

He smiled too, but said nothing more. Blake's eyes were soon back to analyzing the baby's image on the monitor. “Is it still an orange baby, doctor?” He asked suddenly, interested in keeping himself updated in everything.

"Is it a what?" Gavin didn’t understand that question at all, and he was already shaking his head and frowning.

“Don't worry, it has nothing to do with you, you won’t get it." Gwen informed him, waving a hand in the air and rolling her eyes.

"About the size, right?" The doctor followed the thought according to what they had talked about in the last ultrasound. "It’s a little bigger now, about the size of an avocado."

"Baby avocado?" Blake seemed to think about it. "It's not as cute as an orange." He said, making Gwen softly chuckle.

And so did the doctor. "Believe me, it will grow so much in the up coming weeks that in a little while we will be way past the avocado stage."

“Right." Blake agreed with a big smile. "I cannot wait for it to grow and get stronger and then for it to be here with us.” He looked at Gwen, barely able to contain his excitement.

"Great, that's all great, but when are we going to be able to take the paternity test?" Gavin rose from his chair as if in a hurry to leave.

"Well, I was telling Gwen that it's a simple blood test and we can even do it today." The doctor explained. "As long as it is her will."

"What are we waiting for then?" He asked, looking at Gwen now. 

She looked at him, but soon turned to face the doctor. “I read so much about how prenatal blood tests with wrong results can destroy lives. It’s not always possible to detect baby cells in my blood, is it?”

“Not 100 percent of the time, but most tests are successful and reliable." The doctor kept explaining to her. 

"I don't know, I'm so afraid." Gwen blurted out, along with a long sigh. 

Gavin let out a loud frustrated growl. “Why are you so afraid? It's just a freaking blood test.”

"It's not about the test, it's about the results." Even though she was also frustrated, Gwen looked much more scared and ashamed than anything else.

“Hey, we don't have to do this now, ok?" Blake came to her rescue. He put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. “Relax."

“But of course we do." Gavin approached her too. “Please, you have to understand my point too, I feel like an idiot here."

“Can you think of someone else's well being once in your life or is that too much to ask of you?" Blake rolled his eyes. “Pressuring her into this is not going to help at all. She will do it when she feels comfortable and actually wants to do it.”

"Unlike you, hillbilly, I don't have all the time in the world to be living for a baby that may not even be mine." Gavin complained, clearly dissatisfied with the terms of that situation.

"Yeah, he doesn't, Blake." Gwen agreed. “He has another baby that is certainly his. The baby his mistress is expecting.” She fired. “Let’s not forget about that.”

"Oh, suddenly you are so brave." Gavin mocked her.

“Suddenly I really want to break your face in two." Blake started to move toward Gavin, but thankfully there was an exam table between them still.

The doctor cleared her throat.

“Anyway, I just want to be sure. I don't want to take this test and still have doubts.” Gwen said, being as honest as possible. 

The physician had just handed her a towel and she wiped the clear gel off her lower belly. 

“There are other ways to know. An Amniocentesis is one of the options. It is an invasive test, though. It consists of using a long, thin needle to take a sample of amniotic fluid from your uterus through your abdomen. Then we can compare the DNA collected with the potential fathers’ DNA. It’s 99 percent accurate.” The doctor made a point of explaining as much as she thought she should, and as soon as she finished, she waited for the questions she knew would come next. 

“A needle? Oh god, no! Is that even safe?” Gwen's eyes widened, so Blake stroked her arm.

"I don't think you should do this at all if it is dangerous for the baby." He said to her.

“I won’t lie to you, there is a small risk of miscarriage in an Amniocentesis." The doctor was honest while she gave Gwen a white envelope with her ultrasound’s details and the tests taken. “And it’s ideal to do it between weeks 14 and 20, or it can cause premature labor, so you don’t really have a lot of time to think about it.”

"But we need to do it." Gavin insisted. “One way or the other. We have to.”

"We are not going to risk the baby's life." Blake fired back. 

“For god's sake, people do these tests all the time, for paternity and many other reasons. Nowadays there are even prenatal surgeries for much more serious problems than fucking 2 men at the same time.” Gavin completely lost the rest of his patience quickly, and lost his mind in the process too.

"Shut up." The offense came out of Blake's mouth in a warning tone.

“Maybe we should finish up here today and we can talk more about it and the options we have next appointment, what do you think?" The doctor looked at Gwen when she spoke. “We weren’t able to find out the baby’s gender today, but we will try again next time. The results of the tests we took today are probably going to be ready for you in a couple days, but I’m sure everything is right and perfect.”

“I hope so. Thank you, doctor.” Gwen put her shirt down and sat up on the exam table.

The doctor smiled at her and waved to the other two. Gwen looked at her as if to apologize just before she left the room.

“Perhaps you two should have thought of that when you were fucking around even though you were both married. You should have thought of this kid and my other kids before you literally screwed up.” Gavin started talking again as soon as the door closed. 

"There's so much shit I would like to tell you now, you fucking hypocrite" Blake walked around the exam table to face Gavin and grabbed his fancy shirt in a tight grip.

"I don't know why you care so much." Gwen's husband puffed out his chest to show some courage. “There is a big chance this baby is mine and if it is, you will never come close to it. Don't get too attached, because as soon as it’s born you won't even look at it, fucker.”

"Enough." Gwen tried to intercede, but they didn’t even hear her.

“I don't think there is any chance this baby is yours. And even if it could be, you are a shitty father, this baby will be much better off without you, just like your other kids, you asshole.” Blake pushed Gavin's chest a little harder than he expected to, and the other staggered backwards until he leaned his open palm against the wall behind him for balance. 

"Don't touch me, you son of a bitch."

"Blake, please." Gwen whimpered and that made him instantly freeze. 

He still held a murderous look in Gavin's direction for a few seconds, then he turned toward the exam table and Gwen.

“Ok, I'm not going to humiliate him today." He promised her.

"You're a clown." Gavin ran his hands over his shirt that was now wrinkled from Blake's grip. 

"If this happens again, I won't let you guys come anymore, do you hear me?" Gwen was looking at Gavin, but her gaze quickly sought Blake's. "You too, Blake. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, I'm sorry." He used a soft, calm voice and it made her relax a little.

"Ok, so I'm out of here." Gavin finished adjusting his shirt and turned to the exit door. 

"Wait, did you sign the papers?" Gwen asked. 

He turned back to her. "I was planning on signing them, but I just changed my mind." Gavin answered her and shrugged. “If you're not going to do the paternity test, I'm not going to give you a divorce the easy way." He made a point of showing great indifference to the subject with his facial expressions. “If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you, otherwise we won't get anywhere. Isn't that how you said our relationship was going to be now? So if you want a divorce, let’s take the paternity test first.”

Gwen felt the anger run up her spine like a shiver and her face became hot and flushed. The feeling of having been tricked when she obviously knew it would happen was worse than being taken completely by surprise. It seemed that she was so used to being made a fool that she saw no other way out.

“I think I was stupid to believe you, right? I should’ve known better by now.” Almost shaking with anger, Gwen said that, huffing.

“You really should have known. You dictated the terms of this relationship. If you want something from me, you have to give me what I want first. And it won't be easy for you, at least not until you prove to me that this baby isn't mine. And if it's mine... then it will be difficult for longer.”

“It's not your baby. It's my baby.” Blake intervened, before Gwen gave in to her rage and jumped off the exam table to kill that man.

“I guess we will see that soon, Shelton." From Gavin's tone, it seemed like he meant to threaten him. But Blake laughed. And it seemed to enrage Gwen's husband even more. “You think you won something precious, don't you? Wait a few months, you will regret getting involved in this. She’s nothing precious. She’s a consolation prize that no one really wants. You'll get tired of her soon.”

Blake quickly realized that those words were not meant to warn him of anything, nor were they meant to hurt him. Gavin was aiming at Gwen and intentionally trying to directly hurt her. It didn’t really matter that he was looking at him. 

Blake got closer to him again, with a quick step forward, and pushed on Gavin's shoulder. "Get out of here, asshole." That move took the other by surprise, but Gavin stood firm and only took a few steps back.

"You don't scare me." He said.

"I just don't punch you in the face out of respect for Gwen and the baby, because if it wasn’t for them you would be on the floor now, begging for your life."

"I am not afraid of you." Gavin repeated what he had said before and pushed at Blake's chest, but the taller of the two didn't even move.

"Blake!" Gwen called his name when she realized that could get really ugly. 

Blake took a few steps back, controlling the impulse he really had to punch that man in the face. But he forgot everything when he looked at Gwen and saw that she was crying. 

"You will pay for touching me, you disgusting redneck." Gavin grunted. Blake didn’t even hear him, he was already standing next to Gwen and the rest of the world didn’t even matter. "You will hear from me soon." Her husband tried to get their attention again, but it didn’t work, so he turned to leave. 

"You will hear from my lawyer." She warned him before he slammed the door.

  


***

  


"So… I thought you were in Oklahoma." Gwen looked up at Blake as they walked side by side through the underground parking lot behind the doctor's office. 

“You told me to go, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to stay close to you.” He said, not quite looking at her, at that moment he preferred to look down at the concrete floor, because he needed to confess something that was bothering him, but that wouldn’t be easy. “I wasn't planning on being here today, honestly. You told me that I should open up to you, so I'm doing my best to do that.” He started slowly, trying to get to his point.

That confession made Gwen stop everything to look at him, because she knew right away it was something he needed to get off of his chest.

Blake stopped right beside her too. He had tough expressions, like he was in pain and needed to make it stop. “I am not very good at this, you know? Communicating and all, but I am trying my best. The truth is, I thought you wanted me to stay away from you, so that’s what I did.”

"I never meant for you to think that. I didn’t want you away from me." She shook her head slowly, but she could understand why he thought that, actually. “I just wanted you to be sure you wanted to be all in on it. I know it's not easy, you know? It’s hard, we jumped over so many steps. We went from barely friends to having a baby together and we were getting so close so fast...” Gwen took a brief break to sigh. Just putting that into words overwhelmed her. “And this baby… It's a life, a human being, and it's forever. I needed to know that you were willing to do that for sure, I couldn't accept half of you, cause you can’t run from it later. And I’ve had just half of people my whole life.”

"I know, you are right and I see it now." He agreed and took her arm lightly so they could walk together again. Even though it was an underground parking lot, they were still very exposed there. “I guarantee you that I'm all in. I just need you to be very clear with me when you want something from me. Like I said, I’m really bad at communicating, reading signs, and understanding things.”

She nodded and her shoulder brushed Blake's arm on purpose. "You know what? I am proud of you for saying all of this. This helps a lot. I know that I need to be straight and clear with you now, and I will.”

He still had some things inside him that needed to be put out, so he took a deep breath again. “Gwen, I wanted you to know that our baby is one of the few things that get me out of bed every day... the baby and you.”

“Me?" Gwen almost stopped completely again, but ended up following him slowly. 

"Yeah, you. Remember when I said I have this urge to take care of you since we got so close? It never went away, it’s still here and I don’t think it will ever go away.” Blake guided her to her SUV and stopped a few steps away while she unlocked the car.

"This is because of the baby." She stated quickly, getting to her usual conclusion. “If my baby was trapped inside someone, I would also want to take care of them."

"You can say this as much as you want, but I know that this is not the only reason." Blake made it clear, placing both hands in the pockets of the jean pants he wore, just because he didn't know what to do with them after so many confessions.

"What other reason then?" Gwen had already opened the door on the driver's side, but stopped to look at him.

"I just can’t believe that you don’t see it." Blake looked up to look at her and shrugged.

Gwen bit her bottom lip. 

Yes, she could see it. Who was she trying to fool there?

"Can you get in the car?"

"What?" He frowned, confused. 

"Get in the car, just for a minute, please." She asked again.

He came around to grant her request and got in the car through the passenger door.

As soon as he closed the door beside him, Gwen leaned over to his side and wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him and lay her head on his shoulder, as if it was something she really needed at that moment.

"I’ve missed you." She whispered softly, as if it was their secret. Blake tightened his arms around her. "Stop disappearing from me." Gwen whined like a small child. “Am I making myself clear enough for you now?"

“I believe so." Blake laughed softly. His head lightly laid over hers. "I am not going anywhere, I will be right by your side, I promise."

"Stop promising me things too." Gwen pulled away to cross her arms in front of her body and looked at him with a frown.

“Ok, you got it. I don't promise you anything.”

“Ok, good." As soon as he agreed, she leaned forward again, pressing her lips to the side of his face and planting an affectionate kiss on his cheek. 

She lingered there and Blake thought about how he just needed to turn his neck to kiss her lips, but he didn’t do that. She said they would take it slow and he would respect that.

"Thank you for being here." Gwen said when she straightened up and went back to sit on her seat. 

He softly smiled at her. His heart was beating so fast that it seemed like it was going to jump out of his chest.

“Let me take you out." Blake asked. “On a date, again. Do you want to have breakfast somewhere?”

She smiled too. “Not today, ok? There’s a lot happening already for a single day.” They both laughed.

"Ok, that's fair." Blake took a deep breath and reached out to touch her baby bump. "The doctor said the baby can hear me now, so can I say goodbye to it?"

Gwen’s heart skipped a beat. "Yes of course!" 

She leaned back against the back of the seat and tilted it a little further behind, giving him space. Blake came to the side, sitting on the edge of the passenger seat and leaned forward a little, but just enough to position his body between the two car front seats.

“Hey, little baby." He slid his fingers over her bump and Gwen felt her stomach flutter, not sure if it was just butterflies or the subtle movement of their baby reacting to Blake's voice. "This is kind of weird with your mom looking at me, but I promise it will be better when you're out here, so get really strong and really cute to come out, ok?" She chuckled, but he didn't really care. "I love you." He said it, directly to her baby bump while his hands still caressed her, but Blake's gaze went up and he met Gwen's eyes next. 

She raised her hand and stroked his hair, feeling very content and satisfied just to know that he was willing to easily put his heart out like that for their baby. Right there she knew he was all in, there were no more doubts.

"I have something for you in my bag." Gwen said. 

"For me?" Blake questioned and she nodded, encouraging him to reach inside the bag that was on the floor near his legs.

Blake did just that, taking out a small envelope from there, which he immediately recognized as the one the doctor gave Gwen in the exam room. Inside there was a photo of the ultrasound she did that same day, which the doctor had printed out for her. It was a little bigger than the first one he got and the baby looked much more like a baby was supposed to look now. It even had one leg up, kicking and moving at the time the doctor captured the image. It made Blake chuckle, even though he had a big lump in his throat.

"You can have this one, there's another copy inside for me, I asked her to print two." Gwen used a really soft voice to talk to him. 

"I took the other one to Oklahoma the last time I was there." Blake confessed, pulling the picture out to take it with him. “My real home is there and I wanted it to be there too, you know? It's close to my heart.”

“Yes I know." Gwen stated. Her heart was happy and sad at the same time. Everytime she would think about the paternity test, she was afraid she would lose all that. 

That she would lose _Blake_. 

She knew that it was not fair to either of the two potential fathers, and that she could not prolong that uncertainty much longer, but the tightness Gwen felt in her chest at the thought of the results of that test indicated that she had a much greater preference for one of them than she even imagined before. And it was just growing bigger.

“I want to take you there one day." He said to her in an undertone, also like it was their secret. 

"I can move some things around." She told him. They looked at each other briefly and smiled. "I would love to go there."

“We will make it happen then.” Blake's smile was so big that it seemed like he was about to burst out laughing at any moment.

"Ok, I can't wait." Gwen's hand took his and he brought it to his lips, kissing the back of her hand a few times in a row.

“Don’t get your expectations very high, pretty girl.” 

Blake knew they were on the right track again, but he was fully aware that it wouldn't be easy. He didn't care much about obstacles at that point, that was a feeling worth fighting for, and he would fight as many times and for as long as necessary, because he was also aware that he didn't want to live without it anymore. Without _her_.


	21. Always running from what feels right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HAPPY “GWEN STEFANI IS A CMT AWARD WINNER” DAY
> 
> Just another little treat for you on this wonderful night.
> 
> Enjoy

Gwen pushed the button to open the automatic gate and watched through the large window in the hall as the pickup truck got in and stopped in the driveway, facing the garage. She had to take a deep breath and then she tucked her hair back behind her ears, trying to fix it a little, but she wondered if it really mattered, since she was only wearing pajamas and was not dressed up at all for that visit. 

The point was that the fluttering in her stomach was such a different kind of feeling, that Gwen didn't even remember the last time she felt something like that. Sometimes it was so intense that she was wondering how to even act normal around him so he wouldn’t notice, and she felt like a silly teenager who didn't know the bad turns those butterflies usually take after a while. All the other times she had felt that excitement and that fluttering in her stomach because of someone else and that stupid feeling, it didn’t last too long, and she had lost small parts of herself in the process. If Gwen wasn’t picking up those parts now and mending them slowly, maybe she wouldn’t even recognize herself anymore. But this time she had help. He was helping her.

"Special pizza delivery at 3am, ma’am." Blake forced an even thicker voice tone when he leaned against the edge of the open door and faced her.

He had a large pizza box and was holding it with only one big hand.

"Come in, sir." She played his game and winked at him. That made Blake chuckle. "You don't think I'm going to eat all this by myself, do you?"

He took a step forward and Gwen moved to the side, making room so he could enter the house. "If I had known you would invite me to stay, I would have bathed at least." Blake joked and made her laugh out loud as she closed the door behind them.

"Come with me." Gwen motioned for him to follow her and Blake did, walking close to her into the kitchen. “There's beer in the fridge." She said as she approached the big fruit basket in the center of the kitchen island.

“Beer? Really?" He had just put the pizza box on the counter too, but he stopped to look at her, feeling a little confused. “You're not drinking beer, are you?"

“What?" Gwen took an apple out of the basket and frowned as she looked at him. "Of course not, you are so stupid." She softly laughed, shaking her head and turning on her side to run one hand over her baby bump, as if he needed to see that to remember that she was pregnant. “I was just hoping you were going to show up here this weekend, you know?"

"Oh, so you bought me beer?" Blake gave her a big, teasing smile. "Wait, you bought me beer. Is that you flirting?”

"Shut up, I didn't buy it for you." Gwen tried to disguise it while laughing and blushing, but failed. "Ok, I did, but it's not like that." She only paid attention to the apple that she was now peeling and slicing into small pieces, but even so her cheeks were flushed, Blake noticed.

"It's ok, I'm just kidding." He came up from behind her to kiss her face, and stood there, with his body against hers, lightly rubbing her upper arms and watching what she was doing. "What are you even doing, huh?"

They had no problems with intimacy at that moment. Just a few weeks ago, she had a great inclination for intimate sexual contact, but none for affection, but now, Gwen didn't seem to have any problems with him touching her in any way. Blake thought it was because of the many times he had caressed her baby bump. For Gwen that was the most precious part of her body at the moment, because of the baby, and no one else was allowed to touch her like that.

So since Blake was the only one who could, there was little consistency in forbidding him to touch her in any other way. Plus she liked his big hands on her small body, they were familiar, warm and affectionate, just like him. 

Gwen quickly turned to him and winked. Blake felt his heart skip a beat, no matter how silly it seemed.

"So... I had this dream that I was eating a very sweet and crunchy apple but it tasted like cheese." She explained as she took the sliced apple and opened the pizza box. "I woke up with a huge urge to eat pizza with a lot of cheese and... well, apples. That’s why I called you.”

Blake's jaw dropped as she tossed the small apple pieces onto half of the pizza and they sank into the melted extra cheese.

“This is a crime." He pointed to what she was doing.

“Hey, don't judge, I'm pregnant. It's not for me, it's for your baby.” Gwen shrugged, cutting a slice with enough apple for herself.

"Don't blame the baby, this is disgusting." He shook his head.

"I could have asked them to deliver, but I felt like calling you." She said, ignoring his judgment, while trying to separate her pizza slice from the rest of the pie, but the melted cheese was putting up a fight. "I hope you do not mind." After using her index finger to separate the strands of melted cheese, she brought it up to her mouth and sucked all the grease off of it.

“I definitely don’t mind. It’s like 3am, but who cares?” Blake wasn’t even paying attention to what he was saying. He watched her without blinking, much more focused than he had been on anything else lately, and probably reading too much into that whole scene.

Gwen turned around and focused on her pizza again, taking the slice she had cut and lifting it up to her face, but Blake held her wrist before she could bite off a piece.

“Please don't do that, it's gross." He teased again, pulling her arm so she wasn’t able to reach the pizza with her mouth.

"Stop it." She was laughing, trying to bite the slice, but failing again and again. Every time he let her bring the pizza just close enough to her mouth, and then he pulled her arm away right before she could bite it. "Blake!"

“Ok." Blake finally decided he had had enough fun with that, and then let go, letting Gwen finally eat her pizza.

The sound of the crunchy apple when she bit it made him cringe.

“Gross. Sorry, baby, your mom doesn't know what she's doing. Maybe try holding your breath so you don’t taste this mess.” He said, as if he was really talking to the baby inside her.

But Gwen was busy enjoying that mixture of completely different flavors that didn’t make any sense to anyone, but at that moment it made perfect sense to her and tasted delicious.

"Hmm… oh god, this is so good." She moaned softly, leaning against the kitchen island. "I needed this so bad." 

That familiar, yet out of place sound took Blake by surprise. "Hm, that good, huh?”

Gwen quickly noticed what he meant by that, and she also realized that she was able to easily read some facial expressions he had now, like that one.

“So good. Almost as good as… kissing you.” She teased a little more because she knew his attention was completely on her now.

Blake took a step forward, but he was briefly uncertain and a little afraid that he was reading everything wrong and maybe he was rushing something there. Something he maybe shouldn't have.

She noticed that too, the hesitation and the insecurity that were so apparent on his face. She was also becoming an expert on reading him. So she stepped forward as well and placed the pizza back into the box.

Blake froze in place, but Gwen approached him until they were only inches apart. Her breasts were almost touching his chest and she could feel his heavy breath hitting her cheek as he looked down to face her and she looked up, right into his eyes.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" She whispered to him, a second before one of his hands grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her towards him. 

Gwen had to stand on her tiptoes, and Blake leaned forward until his lips urgently touched hers. And the kiss started already completely wild, with tongues dueling and bodies pressing each other as if they wanted to occupy the same space at the same time.

She was wearing tight silk short set pajamas, with an open robe over her shoulders, made of the same material. So Blake explored the entire side of her body with his other hand, stopping over her hips, but his fingers were very well positioned on her ass. He squeezed and dug his fingertips into her skin under her small shorts.

Gwen had to break the kiss to let out a soft moan. Blake's lips then moved down her jaw to her neck and he brushed his teeth lightly over her delicate skin. 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Blake… we should stop." She breathlessly whispered to him.

He immediately stopped and granted her wish, pulling his hand away from her and moving his face back up. "I’m sorry."

Within seconds they were 6 feet apart from each other. They were both flushed, their lips were pinkish because of the wild way they were kissing, and their breathing was ragged.

“No, it is ok." Gwen waved a hand in the air. “It's my fault. I shouldn't have teased you. I asked for it, really.”

"No, I shouldn't have gone that far." Blake blamed himself. "I went too far."

And that made him a little embarrassed, knowing that he couldn't control himself when he was with her. He knew that she wanted to take things slow and this was the opportunity for them to take a step forward slowly, and conquer a different dynamic between them, with more intimacy and less fear, but he had ruined everything.

"Sorry, I should get going."

“Hey, no." Gwen reached out and held his arm. “Talk to me. Are you upset?" She was really confused and a little scared that Blake was fed up with the whole ‘go slow’ thing, and maybe he was even about to give up.

His first reaction would be to say 'no', and stop there, but he could see the way she looked uncertain and uncomfortable and he didn't want her to misunderstand anything, or blame herself, so he took a deep breath and prepared himself to make another effort and communicate.

“I am upset, but this is not about you. I am upset at myself.” Blake took Gwen's hand, lightly stroking it with his thumb. 

Her right hand still had a large bandage on her palm, where she had accidentally cut herself the week before. She had to get a couple of stitches because of that.

"I don't want to mess this up." He confessed, deeply sighing.

"So don't go." She asked in an undertone that was barely above a whisper. “Without the kids here I sometimes feel so alone, and you are the only other person I want to hangout with, other than them.” Since he had confessed several things to her and was making a great effort to communicate, Gwen felt that she should do the same for him. “So stay with me. I promise I didn't throw the apple pieces on the whole pizza, you can still eat with me.” She joked and he laughed out loud, changing the mood quickly.

"Ok, I'll stay with you while you eat this nasty thing." Blake approached her and planted a long tender kiss on her forehead, hugging her briefly but tightly.

Gwen laughed and as soon as he let her go from that amazing hug, she walked away and took two plates from one of the cabinets. “You’ll have to eat too."

“No apple for me, please." Blake went to the fridge and opened it. “I'm going to get a beer. The beer you bought for me, you know what I'm saying?” He used his playful voice and they were both laughing again the next second as if nothing uncomfortable had ever happened. 

In the end, they were just happy to be together.

  


***

  


"Guys, I am so happy that we are back together.” Pharrell gathered the 3 other coaches in the corner of the communal space on the set as soon as the lunch break was declared. "And especially because we are back to being the family we have always been." He specified, with his calm voice and engaging energy.

It was the first day of the battles, and, after all the articles in the tabloids, things were looking much lighter and smoother among them — Blake and Gwen mostly — than anyone outside the situation could ever imagine, even Pharrell.

"Family that is growing." Adam did not fail to point that out. 

Which made Gwen smooth the dress she was wearing to show her baby bump better. The three men let out happy sighs. 

Gwen's bump wasn’t very big yet, but it was definitely visible now and there was no way to hide it anymore, so she didn't. 

She was wearing a dress that was tight on her torso, but wide at the waist and hips, and mostly at her belly, just so she wasn't showing all the time. But her pregnancy was no longer a secret to anyone, and she didn't even want it to be. She wanted it to feel very ordinary to everyone around her, even at work, so she would no longer have to answer so many curious questions.

"You look so beautiful." Pharrell praised her, but Gwen just waved a hand in the air. She didn't believe that, not even for a second. 

“I feel like we're all having a baby. This is The Voice season 9’s baby, our little mascot getting bigger and stronger in there.” Adam said, making Gwen laugh.

“Hey, no. I'm not going to share this baby with anyone else, that's enough.” Blake pretended to be offended, but it only made the others laugh even harder. "It’s my baby!" He used his playful and exaggerated voice tone, as if he was really complaining.

"We are all going to raise it, so get used to it." Adam teased him, but then he turned to Gwen. “Is all this exposure weird to you? When we go live you will be very pregnant, won't it be exhausting?” He questioned, genuinely concerned.

"I’m going to be ok." She answered. "But yes, the exposure is weird to me, a little."

"What can we do to help?" Pharrell asked. They all wanted to help her in some way. "Should we mention it or not mention it at all?"

"I don’t know." Gwen stopped to think about that for the first time. “Let's just treat it as an ordinary thing, I think. What do you think?" She turned to Blake.

"I agree." He said. "Without exposing it too much, but we don't need to treat it like taboo either, after all, we'll be on tv, everyone will see that she is pregnant."

"Ok, deal." Adam also agreed and Pharrell nodded.

Blake noticed that that was one of the first times he helped to make a decision about his baby, if not the first time ever, and it made him feel good and useful. It made him feel like a father.

“I'm also enjoying feeling the love behind the scenes, you know?” Pharrell added, making it clear that he was talking much more specifically about two people in that group.

“What are you talking about?" Blake pretended to be confused. 

"I also don't know what this is about." Gwen quickly joined his game. 

They looked at each other and smiled, and it just seemed like there was no one else around. It was brief, but Blake looked at her with a mischievous look, as if they were partners in some big prank, but at the same time, with his loyal and smitten eyes, he sent a different message. It was as if they were going to extend that partnership forever and for far more important things than just pranks.

Gwen bit her bottom lip, feeling like she was sharing a secret with the right person. And more than a secret too.

And they stared into each other’s eyes for far too long, or maybe for no time at all, they lost track of it, and time didn’t even make sense anymore. Had it been 2 seconds or 2 hours? They couldn't say.

"See, if you really want to hide something and lie to us, you can't do that." Adam interrupted the moment they were having to make it clear that they were being very obvious.

"Do what?" She questioned, somewhat startled, because she had momentarily completely forgotten there were other people around them.

"This eye contact thing." Adam explained.

“Shut up.” Blake laughed. "You are so mean, Adam, you are making her blush." He teased them both.

“Ugh, stop talking about me. Both of you.” Gwen frowned and turned around to walk away.

That ended up dispersing all the other coaches except Blake. "Hey, can I talk to you?" He asked, holding her arm before she got too far away.

“Sure. My trailer or yours?” Gwen asked and that made Blake raise his eyebrows suggestively.

"Hmm, does it really matter? It could be anywhere, you know what I mean?" He joked and they both laughed, especially her, but he went right back to being serious. “My trailer. Come with me."

And she did. Gwen followed Blake through the communal area to his trailer, making sure to stay a little further back so that no one would be watching them. 

He opened the door and held it open for her to walk in first and closed it as soon as he did the same.

Before he could put a word in, Gwen's body was already colliding with his and pushing him against the trailer door. Her lips sought his as if she was very thirsty. _Thirsty for him_.

Blake kissed her back intensely. He could never resist that, anyway, or miss the opportunity to taste her.

His body pushed her to the couch in the center of the trailer. He sat first and then he pulled her onto his lap. Gwen sat on Blake, each of her legs folded on either side of his body, and he couldn't resist touching her thighs right under the hem of the short dress she was wearing. But he still had to talk to her about something important.

So Blake broke the kiss, but Gwen kept her lips busy, tracing his jaw line with kisses. "Wow ok... I love this, but I have to talk to you."

"Just a second." She put her hand over his mouth, making Blake let out a muffled laugh. "Let's just make out for a second." Gwen was completely lost in that for a short period of time, but soon she was very aware of everything around her, and instantly she got really insecure. "Wait, do you want me to stop? We should stop, right?”

"No, no, that’s not it. It’s ok.” He noticed her unsure tone. “It’s more than ok, actually. This is amazing. You’re amazing.” He planted a quick kiss on her lips and his hands went up to lightly hold her waist. “I told you that I love this, I definitely don't mind the making out at all. Just let me say something first, ok?” Blake asked, and Gwen nodded.

"Oh, so this is serious." She realized right there, and then decided to get off his lap, sitting next to him on the couch. “I'm sorry, I thought you were bringing me here for this… I mean, you were joking about it.”

"You know me, I am stupid.” He shrugged. “Let me just say it at once so we can get back to making out, ok?" Blake used a little humor to try to disguise the fact that it was a big deal for him. "So... This wedding… hm." He started, but had to stop to take a deep breath. _It was a big deal_. “My friend's wedding will take place this weekend in Oklahoma. I would like you to go with me.” He ended up saying everything very quickly and at once, without explaining too much.

Gwen was not expecting any of that, so she froze. And she did that in the worst possible way, because she had her eyes open wide.

Her head started to think quickly about what it meant and it was simple, really. It meant that Blake wanted to make a commitment, and not just between the two of them, but he wanted to show it to other people as well, his friends who would be present, probably even his family. Not to mention that being his date at a friend's wedding was a big step. _It was a big deal_.

Her heart was beating so loud and fast that she couldn’t hear anything else anymore. Gwen quickly thought about everyone else involved: Their families, her kids, their baby and even Miranda and Gavin. And then she started to freak out.

_It’s a good thing_. She tried to tell herself. It was a big step forward, but it was a good one, and a commitment meant they would be together for real from then on.

Her heart was still beating so fast it hurt, but somewhere in the middle of all those feelings, she found those silly butterflies in her stomach again, and she knew she wanted it. She wanted him.

Gwen didn't have much time to let that thought sink in, because in the face of her silence, Blake thought he should say something.

And he was freaking out a million times more than her. And rethinking all of that. He was sure it was the stupidest idea he had ever had. 

“Don't worry, it's not a date. It’s a friend’s thing. My friend, the groom, knows that I'm in the middle of a complicated divorce, so he said I should take some friends to his wedding.” Blake thought he should explain. Well, he thought he should change everything, actually, so it wouldn’t seem so stupid. “So I'm taking some friends. It's going to be a friend’s weekend in Oklahoma... Just friends, you included.” It was a new record, he didn’t even think he could repeatedly use the word ‘friends’ so much in such little time. “I invited Adam and his wife too, they will be there. A friend’s thing, you know?”

“Oh..." Gwen quickly understood what he meant, and realized that she had got it all wrong before. But instead of relief or even understanding, all she felt was a deep disappointment. “Yes of course. Friends. It makes sense."

“So do you want to come with me… I mean, with us?”

"Hm." Gwen was somewhat distracted now, lost in her own thoughts. "Right. Yes… of course, I will be there.”

“Ok, great." Blake celebrated, but he was still trying to pretend he wasn't worried about the way she was acting.

At that point, he knew her well enough and knew that Gwen had been distracted and somewhat distant since he had made that proposal to her.

"Ok, I should go." She said, getting up off the couch.

But Blake took her wrist. “Hey, wait. What about the making out thing?” He tried to joke. But she didn’t laugh.

_REALLY?_ Gwen wanted to yell at him. First he categorized her as one of his friends and invited her for her first Oklahoma visit with a bunch of other people, which in her mind had dropped it from the level of special to something ordinary and nothing important, something any other friend could easily do. And she was just one of them.

“No more making out, this offer has expired." She said, as she made the short walk to the door. "Don't worry, I'm going to your friend’s thing over the weekend."

“Wait, you're mad. Why are you mad? Come back here.” Blake tried, but it was useless.

“I don't have time for this right now, Shelton." Gwen slammed the door.

And he sat there on the couch alone, trying to decide exactly where all that had gone wrong, but it was several moments, possibly, and all at the same time. He always ruined everything, he knew that much in his heart.

"So much for communicating." Blake mumbled under his breath, even though there was no one there to hear it.

  


***

  


Adam slung his coat over his shoulder with his only free hand — the other was holding his wallet, car keys, and a drink — and then headed for the trailer door, ready to end his day at the ‘The Voice’ set and go home. He would have to be back the next day.

He pushed the door and held it with one leg, then put his free shoulder in front so it wouldn't close while he was trying to put one foot out to leave. However, before he could actually leave the trailer, Blake practically bumped into him, coming out of nowhere. Adam had to move backwards so he wouldn’t get hit by his friend’s big body, and ended up doing it too fast. His coat fell off his shoulder directly to the floor, and his drink splashed up, even splattering both their shirts with alcohol. 

"What the hell are you doing, Shelton?" He shook his head.

"Sorry, I was about to knock on the door." Blake explained himself. "I need to talk to you, do you have a second?" He looked around quickly, as if he needed to make sure that no one was paying attention to them.

Adam noticed that his friend seemed a little tense, so he didn't question much about the bumping and didn’t really complain that he waited until the end of the day to talk to him, choosing when he could finally go home instead of all the hours they just spent together.

"Sure, man, get in there." He pulled the door back and opened it so they could get into the trailer. Not failing to pick up his coat on the floor before someone — probably Blake — stepped on it.

As soon as they got in, Blake stood near the entrance and Adam placed his drink on one of the tables and headed for the couch in the center.

“Hey man, what's wrong?" Blake still seemed to need encouragement, so his friend encouraged him.

"I'm not sure." He finally started to speak. "But I think Gwen is mad at me."

"What?" Adam frowned. “But you guys were eye fucking on lunch break. How did you manage to screw it up so quickly?”

Blake nervously chuckled. “You would be impressed at how quickly I can screw things up, believe me." He shrugged. “But this time I'm not sure what exactly went wrong."

Although it was late at night and that they both had just had a long and tiring day, Adam settled on the couch, threw his coat on the chair again and invited Blake to join him in the comfort of the furniture.

"Tell me what happened from the beginning." He asked, not really minding that it would probably take really long.

He knew that was important to Blake. For his friend to acknowledge he needed help and actually ask for it, was because he really needed a light at the end of the tunnel.

“We gave each other space, she and I, after the way I gave in to alcohol, you know?” He seemed a little embarrassed. “After Miranda.” Blake accepted his friend's invitation and sat down on the other corner of the couch.

“Ok, I remember that.” Adam kept encouraging him. “It was bad, but Gwen likes you. She was just worried.”

“I know. She helped me a lot, you have no idea.” He sighed. Thinking about all the times Gwen was good to him made him feel even more stupid. “Then we went to the baby's appointment and we reconnected right away. After that space and time, we just didn’t want to stay away from each other anymore. She said she missed me and I missed her too. God I wish I could be with her every day.” He confessed, and it was actually easier than he thought.

"Ok, easy now, cowboy." Adam advised, but that was nothing new, he could see that kind of feeling in their eyes, in the way they acted when they were together. The new thing was to hear Blake really say something like that. He was definitely not the guy to take that lightly. "Right, what else?"

“We met a few days after that and ended up kissing. We were trying to go slow with everything, but I think I skipped a few steps.”

"Because you kissed her?" Adam asked, still trying to figure it all out.

“No, the kiss was ok. She asked me to kiss her. I just went a little deeper.” Blake explained.

“Ew… ok?" His friend nodded. “Did she get mad there?”

“Not exactly. The problem was not there. I stayed with her that night, we just talked and had a good time together, like we always do, but no more kisses.” He kept going with the set of events. “So today she was very flirty and the connection between us is undeniable now, at least that’s what I see and feel. I have known this for a long time and I have also known, for some time, that I want to be with her, that I like her a lot and that if I want to move on, then I want to move on with her.”

“Great. That’s really good for you to know and to say. So what’s the problem?" Adam encouraged him to continue.

“So I asked her to come to Oklahoma with me this weekend. It is my good childhood friend’s wedding and I wanted her to be my date.”

Adam frowned. “Uh, a wedding like that right off the bat? On the first date?” He didn't really approve that choice.

Blake sighed. "Yeah... It's not exactly our first date, but still, it's a big step, isn't it? I know it is."

“It’s something you do with your girlfriend. I mean, your childhood friends are going to be there. Your family maybe?” Adam followed his line of thought, trying to explain his point of view. “What are you going to tell them? That you brought a famous friend to be your date? Friend who ironically is on all the magazine’s covers as your new lover and the mother of your possible child?” Adam shook his head. “It may sound ok to you, but I don't think it sounds that cool for her. You should have had the relationship conversation first, so you could at least introduce her to these people as your girlfriend.”

“I know, I didn't think about that. I just thought I wanted her to be there with me. And does she even want to be my girlfriend at all? I mean, if she doesn’t then it will get weird and I will lose her.” Blake felt as if the weight on his shoulders just got heavier and heavier. “I think she thought it was a too big of a step and freaked out. She froze and her eyes stared at nothing for too long, so I ended up freaking out too.” He confessed.

“Oh no, what did you do?"

“I told her that it was a friend’s thing and that the groom told me to take some friends with me and that she was just one of them. I said that you and Behati would come too.” Blake explained quickly, knowing now that his mistake was actually right in front of him all that time, and also knowing that Adam wouldn't like that last part at all.

"You said what?" He was right, his friend didn't like it at all. “No, forget it. I can't be in Oklahoma this weekend. You have this huge problem and you are going to have to fix it yourself. My wife is out of town this whole week, and I am working, we only have the weekend together and we are planning to stay in the house, just the two of us.”

“Sorry, Adam.” Blake sincerely apologized, but there was more. “I didn't tell Gwen that I invited you, I told her that you would be there." He explained himself a little better so his friend would understand how important it was for him that he would be there. “Please, you need to go, I need your help. I mean, what do I say to her now if you don't go?”

Adam let out a disgruntled grunt. "Dude, you're really screwing my weekend." He complained, but he knew he couldn't let Blake down after everything he had heard about the whole story. “First of all, you really just told Gwen that she is just a friend that you are fucking. So fix that.”

“I can't fix it right now or she won't be going to Oklahoma. I need you to come with us and I’ll fix it there. Please?" Blake almost begged him. He really needed that help from his friend. “You and Behati can have your peaceful day, no one is going to disturb you on Sunday. We will get there Friday night, the wedding is on Saturday and Sunday will be your day. We will be back on Monday really early, ok? It will be fun, it will be like a double date for a whole weekend, except that Gwen and I are not a couple and she’s mad at me.”

"Fuck you, you idiot.” Adam cursed and Blake laughed, but he nodded. "Ok, we're going to Oklahoma with you."

He couldn't deny that they always had a lot of fun when they went to Blake's ranch, and his wife certainly wouldn't mind exchanging their weekend alone for a few days in Oklahoma. 

“But Blake, don't invite anyone else. You've already included a lot of people in what was supposed to be a romantic weekend just for you and Gwen.”

“Well, Endy is going to be there, and so is her husband."

"Fucking dumbass"

"It will be fun, I promise." Blake sighed. He was trying to convince himself, much more than Adam. 

“Just fix what you did, ok? If you really like Gwen, you need to fix it.”

“I will. I'll find a way. I will have 2 days in Oklahoma to fix it, before we get back.”

Only _2 days_. In those 2 days he could fix everything or ruin everything, it was a very fine line between one outcome and the other, but regardless of whatever ended up happening in the end, Blake had to try. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re off to Oklahoma now. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it.


	22. I think I made a clean getaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back.
> 
> Please forgive my broken brain due to Shefani engagement. I hope this chapter even makes sense, cause suddenly I can’t write anymore. 
> 
> Love you guys.

Blake's heart was beating really fast as he anxiously watched the big SUV drive past the gate of his Tishomingo estate.

His friends had finally arrived at his ranch, and that was exciting and scary at the same time, because the thought of having people to entertain for that night and the next two days to come was unsettling to him. Blake was not used to it, much less when he was in Oklahoma.

Fortunately, that Friday had ended up being a day off, so he made it to the ranch much earlier than his guests, this way he was able to organize some things and plan others. Blake had sent his private jet to pick his friends up, then a driver to transport them from the airport to the ranch, because he was still busy. And they were finally joining him at that moment.

"Hey man, we're finally here." Adam was the first to get out of the car. “The flight seemed like it would never end. What a long night.” 

"What do you mean by that? You've been here a lot of times before, you know how long the flight is.” Blake questioned him, not sure of what he meant. Los Angeles to Oklahoma wasn’t that long of a flight. 

"I know, but Gwen and I had to spend the whole afternoon on the set for some interviews and other things, we had to run from there to the airport afterwards." Adam explained, then he turned around to help his wife out of the car. 

It reminded Blake that he also had someone he needed to check on.

"I thought it was a day off for everyone." He said, going around the car. 

As soon as he opened the door on the other side, he faced Gwen, who was already looking at him.

"It was supposed to be everyone's day off, but apparently they needed to re-record some of the things that Adam and I did last week." She answered, already giving him her bag to hold. 

Blake only had time to hold the bag and hang it on his shoulder while she also gave him a large pillow. “You guys should have said you were busy.”

"We didn't have much of a choice, it was today or next week, and I can't do it next week, I'll have the kids back." Gwen explained. “But it’s ok, we made it here.”

"We thought it was best to do everything today, it just wasn't as fast as we imagined it would be." Adam told him. 

By that time, Behati was already standing beside him, and Blake waved at her, but soon turned his attention to Gwen again. He adjusted the pillow under his arm and used his other hand to help her get up and out of the car.

"Hi, pretty girl." Blake smiled at her and Gwen couldn't help but smile back.

“Hi." She said quietly and somewhat shy, because of the other people watching them. 

“How are you two doing today? Exhausting trip?" He was not referring to any other guests, only her and their baby.

“We are great. Tired, but we'll be fine.” Gwen replied, silently appreciative of all that care and attention. She wasn't quite used to it yet, but she had to confess that she loved the way he cared for them.

“Good, why don't we take these bags inside? I want to show you around and then we can just spend time together and you can rest. What do you say?" He asked, already starting to guide her towards the bigger building.

“It sounds great, but do you really think I just brought this small bag? No, there are two other suitcases in the trunk.”

“Two suitcases?" Blake turned to face the trunk of the car that Adam had already opened. “Two huge suitcases? How many months do you intend to stay here?” He joked.

“We are going to a wedding, aren't we?" Gwen shrugged, taking the pillow and her bag back, because Blake would definitely need both of his hands to drag those two large suitcases across the dirt floor to the house.

“Yes, how many clothes are you going to wear for this wedding?" He asked, but she didn't even pay attention, Behati had joined Gwen and they were talking about something the guys couldn't even hear anymore.

"Just do what has to be done, man." Adam shrugged. “Don't question it, it's worse."

So after they left their bags in the cabin assigned to each one of them, Blake showed the main lodge to Gwen, which was the largest building next to the small cabins, and was nothing at all like a house on the inside. It was more like an open shed, arranged to be an entertainment area, with couches, TVs, a large bar, and an open kitchen.

That was exactly where they settled. Blake lit the fireplace and they spread out on the big couches, Adam and Behati together on one side and Blake and Gwen on the other. He had a guitar in his hands and she was lying with her legs over his lap.

They spent a few hours there, singing and playing, telling each other stories and talking about different things. The place was lit only by the dim light from the fireplace and some scattered lamps, and the environment was so good and comfortable that Gwen ended up falling asleep right there after they ate and she had a full belly. 

“Should we keep going?" Adam asked when he realized that she was asleep on the couch opposite to him. 

“No, I'm going to end up waking her up. She's tired, I don't want to disturb this.” Blake put the guitar aside, on the floor next to the couch and made it clear that the night was over. “Maybe we should all go get some rest, tomorrow is going to be a busy day." 

“And that’s how you make the right choice." Behati commented, praising the way he chose to end the night right there so that Gwen could rest.

"Aw it’s because he loves her." Adam teased him.

"Stop it." His wife warned him.

"She really needs to rest." Even thought he was changing the subject, Blake did not deny his friend’s comment about love.

"Do you need any help around here, man?" Adam asked, but Behati had already collected the beer bottles they had drank and placed them in a trash bag. 

That was basically all the mess they had made that night, in addition to the large pizza box, which was already in the trash.

“No, everything is fine, thanks."

"Ok, see you tomorrow, dude." His friend said goodbye, already putting his arm around his wife’s shoulders.

“Thanks Blake, the night was fun and it's always nice to be here, I feel so at home." Behati thanked him. "Good night." 

“Thank you for coming." Blake waved to both of them. “I can count on you for breakfast tomorrow, right? My sister will be here very early. Does 8 in the morning work?”

“I hope I'm alive at 8 am." Adam grunted.

"Sure, 8 am is perfect." Behati gave her husband a displeased look.

"See you early tomorrow then." Blake moved Gwen's legs, being very careful not to wake her, so he could get up off the couch.

Adam and Behati made their way out of the lodge and headed for cabin number 2, where they would stay for the whole weekend. 

Blake covered Gwen with a blanket and took that opportunity to finish some other things there. He dealt with the dirty dishes – mostly glasses — arranged everything around and put his guitar away, then approached her again, lowering next to where she was lying on the sofa.

"Hey pretty girl." He lightly stroked her cheek and then his hand came down to slowly rub her arm. 

Her forehead slightly frowned, her eyes trembled and her eyelids opened slowly. It seemed that Gwen needed a few seconds to really focus on his face. She was really tired and that little, but deep nap made her completely lose her sense of time and space.

“Blake?" She asked and frowned again. Her voice was hoarse and her tone was very sleepy. “I think I fell asleep a little."

He let out a soft chuckle. "Yes, you fell asleep a little."

"But everyone was here." Gwen suddenly remembered that they were not alone there, and it was with great fright that she got up quickly to sit on the sofa, and got dizzy and disoriented right away.

"Hey, take it easy." Blake rose quickly and sat down beside her. “It's just you and me here now."

"I think I'm going to get sick." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“It's ok, I'm right here." He carefully took one of her arms and turned to expose the inside of her wrist.

Blake held her wrist and with his thumb pressed against the middle of it, making a circular motion for a few seconds, until Gwen relaxed and laid her head against his shoulder. He had learned that very early in her pregnancy, when she used to get morning sick all the time.

"Do you feel better?" Blake asked, and she nodded slightly. "Come, I'll take you to the cabin."

He took the blanket off her and carefully placed it behind her shoulders, adjusting it before getting off the couch and lifting her with him, in his arms.

"I could walk perfectly fine, you know?" Gwen softly chuckled. “But ok, it's not like I want to walk on the dirt outside anyway."

“Well, you should get used to it." Blake said as they left the main lodge and headed for the cabins.

“I should, shouldn't I?" 

It was a rhetorical question, it didn't require an answer, so Blake didn't answer, he just carried her to cabin number 1, where she would stay for the entire weekend too.

And he just put her down when they got to the bed. That was his thing, he promised himself that he would only let her go when he knew she was safe and comfortable. And he meant that in all ways that mattered. 

"Ok, here you are." He placed her over the soft mattress. “It's not much, but I hope it's comfortable." Blake was referring to the cabin and actually his whole property. He knew that was very different from what she was used to. "I usually sleep here, but I changed the sheets and everything so that it was all clean for you."

"If you usually sleep here, why didn't you place me in another cabin?" Gwen asked.

“Because this is the best bed. My body has been softening this mattress for years, it's the most comfortable one I have here, so I wanted you to have it, at least for this weekend.” He explained and laughed.

Gwen was immediately overwhelmed by that feeling of being cared for in a way she had never been before. But it was the best way someone could ever be overwhelmed. Her chest was full of love and appreciation for him.

With the new information she now had, Gwen looked around to finally check the cabin that she would stay in for the weekend. They had passed through a kind of lounge in the front when they entered, there was a room divider that looked like a big and tall wooden screen and the room's set up was back there, with the bed, a walk in closet, a dresser, and a bathroom on the left side.

It was right when she was looking around and checking the details that Gwen saw a picture frame on the nightstand, next to the alarm clock. Her eyes only needed a second to recognize that it was displaying the two ultrasound pictures she had given Blake. 

She reached out and grabbed the wooden object that seemed to have been carefully handmade.

"Oh yeah, I said I had it here." Blake said when he saw her taking the picture frame.

"You keep it at your bedside?” She looked away from the small pictures of her baby to look at him. 

"Yes, I have kept it here since you gave me them." He simply said, as if it was nothing extraordinary, but for Gwen it was even unbelievable. "I told you that you two are some of the few things that make me want to get out of bed in the morning”

"I can't even believe you really exist sometimes." Gwen blurted out without even realizing it, but she didn't care too much that she did.

“Well, I think you're going to have to deal with the unfortunate fact that I exist for a while, since you’re having my baby." Blake laughed, trying to make a self-deprecating joke in a subtle way. "I'm going to let you rest, ok?" He came over to kiss her forehead quickly.

"Blake?" She called when he was already turning to leave her alone, and her hand grabbed his wrist. "Wait, can we talk?"

“Now? Are you sure? You should rest.” Blake said, but he had already turned back to her.

"Don't run from this." Gwen asked him.

He took a deep breath and came over to sit on the edge of the bed beside her. “I am not running. I want to talk to you too.”

“Then listen to me." She let go of his wrist, but her hand was still resting over his. “At this point, you are my best friend. I don't want to lose you because of a misunderstanding or any stupid thing like that. So I want you to understand why I was mad at you earlier this week.”

“Ok.” Blake nodded in agreement. His hand turned up and he took hers. He wanted her to know that he considered her to be the best person he had in his life too, but he wasn’t sure about mentioning the word ‘friend’ ever again in his life, at that point.

"I was frustrated because you turned my first trip to Oklahoma into something trivial, and the way we had talked about it before, it seemed like it was going to be special." Gwen explained as much as she could. “And don’t get me wrong, I love the friend’s trip and all that, but it was just not what I was expecting. So I'm sorry if I got mad at you because of something stupid, I don't want it to be like this between us because I really care about you.” 

"I care about you too. More and more as we spend time together, actually. But don’t apologize, it wasn't your fault, it was my fault." He took the blame for everything, as he always did. “If I’m being honest, I was afraid that a date at a friend’s wedding would be too much for you. We agreed that we would go slow and live in the moment and I didn't want to rush anything or to make you uncomfortable, so I made this friend’s thing up.”

"I'm not uncomfortable, I promise." She didn't want to blame him for all that misunderstanding, it was both their fault. "To be fair, I wanted the wedding to be a date." She confessed. "But I think we should still be careful around other people for now, so maybe next wedding?"

“Ok, next wedding then." Blake agreed, feeling much more positive about the whole weekend after that short conversation.

That was all that both of them needed.

He tended to always blame himself deeply when something went wrong between them, and he always had the feeling that Gwen would leave him because of the emotional mess he was in that moment, even though he tried to hide it as much as he could. But the truth was that their inner mess was very similar and she understood him more than anyone else in the world, just as the reciprocal was also true.

"So we are ok, right?" Gwen asked. Blake was not the only one afraid that she would leave him, she was just as afraid.

"Yes, of course we are." His thumb slid slowly over the back of her hand, caressing it. "I just want you to feel good here."

"I feel really good here." She quickly said. "I'm just tired." Gwen started to get rid of some jewelry that she was wearing, like earrings and rings.

“Ok, you should rest. Tomorrow will be a busy day.” Blake got up from the bed. “Your bags are near the door. There are more blankets in that closet, the shower has hot water, you just have to turn the tap to the left. Do you need anything else?"

Gwen softly chuckled. "No, I think you already explained everything I needed to know."

“Probably, but if you need anything, I'm in cabin number 3." Blake made sure to let her know. “Or maybe in the lodge if I’m not there.” 

"Ok, thank you." She smiled at him.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Breakfast will be at 8am. My sister will be here very early.” He said as he made his way to the room divider.

“Wait… excuse me, what? Who?" Gwen almost choked.

"My sister, Endy." Blake answered, but not entirely sure that was what she was asking about.

“Your sister will be here tomorrow morning?” She questioned, but only to confirm. He nodded. “Damn it, Blake!"

“What? I didn't think you would care, I told you some friends would be here.” Blake was still standing near the wooden screen, but he had already turned to her again.

“You said friends, your sister is family." Gwen sighed, starting to overthink it all again.

“It's just my sister, you're overthinking this."

"Yeah, of course I am." She rolled her eyes. "But, whatever, that’s fine."

“Stop it, everything will be fine, relax. My sister will love you!” He guaranteed her. “I'll see you tomorrow morning, ok?” Blake said, checking to see if she had assimilated the idea of early breakfast.

“Ok." Gwen confirmed, but seemed a little distracted. “See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow. 8am.”

The truth was, she wasn't sure about any of that. Gwen didn't know if she was ready to meet Blake's family that suddenly. She wished he had told her about that before, so that she would have more time to prepare her mind for it. But she didn’t have any time, and was wondering if postponing it would do her any good, because it didn’t really feel like it was an option at all. 

  


***

  


Gwen had been awake for some time. Actually she was wondering if she slept at all. But even though she was up before the sunrise, she still stayed in her cabin.

She knew about breakfast being in the main lodge at 8am, but she purposely chose not to join them. Gwen thought Blake, of all people, would understand that. But it wasn’t like she was proud of her decision, and she knew very well that this postponement would not do her any good, since Blake's sister would most definitely join them for the wedding anyway and Gwen would be introduced to her one way or another. She just thought that maybe she would have more time to think about that if she skipped breakfast, but she wasn’t thinking at all, she was just anxious and nervous and it wasn’t helping.

The truth was that she decided not to participate in the breakfast, but by 9 am she already regretted her decision, however, Gwen was sure it was too late to just pretend that nothing had happened and join them, so she stayed in her cabin, curled up in bed like a frightened animal for hours, until it was past noon already and she had to start getting ready for the wedding, or she would end up missing that too.

Gwen took a warm, long shower — realizing the cabin’s shower was really strong and really good — and then put her makeup on. She did her hair, keeping it straight and long, with only curled up tips. She was wearing only her lingerie and sheer, skin color, tights when she stopped whatever she was doing to look at herself in the mirror.

It didn't matter how beautiful and comfortable the dress she was going to wear was, or how impeccable her makeup looked, or even her hair perfectly arranged. Gwen could try anything she wanted, her baby bump would always make her insecure, and knowing that everyone would be looking at exactly that all night — so many people she didn't even know — terrified her.

With that in mind, she decided to wear a shapewear under her dress and over her small bump, so she could disguise it better. Gwen knew she was still pretty much in the beginning of her pregnancy and the baby wasn’t big enough to be bothered by that yet. So she could wear it and attract less curious looks in her direction, but it would definitely be very uncomfortable to wear it for the whole night. She decided that it would end up being just another sacrifice that she would have to make, so she took the shapewear out of her suitcase and tried to put it on by herself, looking in the mirror, but the garment was too tight and Gwen couldn’t hold both ends and close the clasp at the same time with only two hands. 

Fortunately, at that very moment, there was a knock on the cabin door.

“Who is it?" She approached the entrance while asking.

“It's me, Blake." The voice on the other side answered. “Are you ok?"

“Oh, thank god." Gwen hurried to turn the handle and make way for him to enter, but remained hidden behind the wooden door. “Get in here, quickly." 

“Ok?" Blake stepped inside the cabin and she closed the door. “I was worried about you, because… wow, why are you... naked?"

"Shut up." Gwen laughed and handed him the shapewear. “I need your help. Help me." She stood in front of the mirror again and he approached her from behind slowly.

"What is this?"

“It goes around my waist." She explained. "And my tummy. I can't close and hold it myself."

“Is this a waist trainer? For what? You are going to smother the baby.” Blake dropped the piece of clothing on the bed. “You don’t need that."

“It’s just a shapewear. And yes I do." Gwen insisted, turning to him and crossing her arms over her body. “Everyone will be looking at me all night if I don’t wear it."

“Everyone will look at you all night anyway. You will be the most beautiful woman there.” Blake said that as if it was not a big deal.

Gwen frowned even more. "I can't talk to you when you're being dumb like this." She turned to face the mirror again and grabbed the shapewear that was on the bed to try to put it on herself.

"Ok." He sighed deeply and moved closer, until his body was well located behind hers, and Gwen gave up what she was doing and let her back rest lightly against his chest. Blake held her arms and leaned forward, resting his chin on her shoulder. “They all know you are pregnant. The whole world knows, at this point.” He used his calm, soft voice as he rubbed her arms. "Why are you trying to hide it?"

"I'm not trying to hide it." That was the first answer that came to Gwen's mind and she ended up just saying it, but the truth was that it was exactly what she was doing, without even realizing it. “Ok, maybe I am, but the thing is… I don't think it's beautiful. I’m getting fat and gross, and I didn't want that to be the only thing that people would talk about tonight. It's important to me, you know? They’re your friends. They are not the kind of your friends I know, like Adam, they are your people before fame and money, and all that… I wanted them to like me.” She just ended up confessing everything that was bothering her. And it wasn’t just about his friends, it was about his sister too. 

Gwen was looking at Blake through the mirror, and he was doing the same, looking back at her as his lips made a trail of soft kisses over her shoulder and neck. But she wasn’t done talking yet. “But what if that is the only interesting thing about me? For them, I mean, and for you.” At that moment, she turned around to look directly at him.

Blake frowned. "What do you mean?" He asked.

“That I am expecting your baby. What if that's the only reason you like me?” Gwen went straight to the point and this time it was Blake who frowned. 

“Are you kidding me?" Even though he knew the matter was very serious to her and that she was saying it because it was really bothering her and it was a valid question in her head, he lightly chuckled. “Gwen, you were interesting to me before I knew you were pregnant. Longer before that party at Adam's house, and even before the moment our eyes met that night. You were interesting to me since the first time we really talked. Do you remember?" He paused, but Gwen didn’t say anything, she was looking at him with all her attention. “In my place in LA, when we all had that get together before we started working together. Of course it was no big deal, we were both married and Apollo was just a little thing in your arms, but you were still interesting.” He explained. “You are much more than just interesting to me now. There is something I need to tell you.” Blake said and Gwen kept her focus even more on him.

But then a light tap on the cabin door completely disrupted their conversation. 

They just kept looking at each other and hoped whoever was bothering them would just go away, but a second knock came right after.

“Wait just a second." Blake said, walking away to go back to the cabin’s entrance. 

Gwen stepped out of sight because she was still wearing only sheer tights, panties and a bra. 

"What is it?" Blake ran into Adam when he opened the door. 

“I just wanted to check on Gwen. Is she ok?” He asked.

“She is fine." Blake replied and then brought his voice way down shortly after. "You are ruining this." He said between his teeth.

"What?" Adam frowned, but soon he understood. “Oh, that! Ok man, go for it.” He said in a very low tone too, and supported his friend while he handed him a basket with some fruits and other leftovers from breakfast. “Bee wanted me to give this to Gwen. She said that she has to eat something.”

"Ok, I'll take care of it." Blake took the small basket. “Thanks. Tell her we appreciate it.”

"Aw look at you, talking as if you were a unit already." Adam mocked, but with love, patting Blake on the shoulder. "I am so proud of you."

“Get out." Blake laughed. 

By the time he closed the door and went back to the bedroom, looking for Gwen, she was already dressed.

She was wearing a long, golden dress that perfectly shaped her body and curves. It had thin straps on her shoulders, perfect for a summer wedding like that, and was tight from her torso to her hips, then opened into a wider skirt, with a slit over her left leg.

In Blake's opinion, Gwen's beauty was something out of that world. He had never seen a woman as beautiful as she was. Every day he had the privilege to be with her — whether she was all dressed up like that or just her natural beauty — it was just a reminder of a very known fact he had learned very early in their relationship: For him, she was just perfect.

"Wow." He blurted out, along with a sigh. "I wish I could say more, but that's all my head can think of right now."

Gwen chuckled and turned to him. “I decided that I’m not going to wear the shapewear." She said.

Blake did not fail to notice how the tight dress made her baby bump more prominent, but that was an even more beautiful detail in his opinion. Her pregnancy was undeniable now, it was impossible to mistake that small bump for anything else. As much as it was just a little bump on her lower belly, it was very round and kind of pointed at the end, so it was very different from anything else. And it was the proof that their baby was healthy and growing in there.

"You look amazing." He praised her, but there were many other words he wanted to use to describe the way she looked that day in his mind, but Blake was too distracted and amazed to form any other phrases at that moment.

"I promise I don't want to hide this." Gwen told him. "It's just that when a man gets two women pregnant at the same time, he's the man.” She continued to talk as Blake put the basket down on the bed and approached her. "Like Gavin." She said in an undertone, and he immediately understood exactly the source of all that insecurity. “But when a woman doesn't exactly know who her baby’s father is, she is a whore. You know? I am the whore.”

"You are no such thing." Blake wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. His lips lightly touched her forehead and he planted a long loving kiss. "You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. They just don't know the whole story."

“No, they don't. But it doesn't matter, does it?” Gwen lifted her head up to look at him.

Blake knew she was right, as much as he wanted to trust his friends to be careful with that matter, he would not know everyone present at the wedding and the reception, so he had to be the one to make sure it would be comfortable for her.

“I will be near you all the time, ok?" He couldn't resist leaning forward and kissing her lips quickly, and he caressed her face while doing that. “I will be right here."

"Ok." Gwen smiled and nodded.

They were too distracted now, and Blake had even forgotten that he had something important to tell her. Gwen was too tense thinking about that whole night to remember that he had mentioned something like that. The important conversation would have to be postponed to later, or maybe another day.

  


***

  


"Oh my god, I’m so nervous. I think I’m going to throw up.” Gwen took several deep breaths as she paced back and forth on the small balcony in front of the cabin.

“Breathe, ok? There is no reason to be nervous.” Blake was locking the cabin door so they could leave.

“Does your sister know about the baby?" She asked as they finally left cabin number 1 towards the main lodge. Gwen had to hold her dress up to walk on the dirt ground. “Wait, did I tell you how beautiful you look in a suit?"

Blake laughed. He had had time to go to his cabin, change and come back to wait for Gwen to finish getting ready. It was almost 5pm already, but she was finally ready.

"You told me." He said quietly, still laughing. "Yes, of course my sister knows about the baby."

“Your mother too?" She asked again. 

"Yes she knows, too, of course." Blake said, and Gwen sighed deeply. 

“I don't even know your mother."

"You don’t know my sister, either. You’re about to, though." He looked at her as he opened the door to the lodge, but she still looked really unsure. “What's wrong? You didn’t want me to keep this from my family, did you? It’s our baby.”

"No, that's not it." Gwen held Blake's arm so that he wouldn't walk in just yet and they could finish that conversation. “I just think that maybe we should take the paternity test soon. At this point, we will disappoint a lot of people if something ends up not being the way we want it to be, not just you and me.”

"Nothing is going to be different from what we want, because all that matters is that we want it.” Blake made sure to make it clear. “But we can take the test if that’s what you want."

“I want you to have an opinion on that, too. Can we talk about it when we're back in LA? I don't want to ruin the weekend.” She insisted.

"Yes of course." That was all he answered.

Blake still wasn't sure if he wanted to know that, or if he preferred not to know yet. He was already too invested in it to take a step back. At the same time he knew that if something ended up not being the way they wanted it to be — as Gwen had said — it would more than break his heart, it would tear his chest open and destroy the future he was happily building in his head — for now — for them.

He held the door open for Gwen to get in, and she felt her stomach tighten when she saw those people sitting next to Adam and Behati on the big couches. Not only was Blake's sister there, but he had failed to mention Kelly Clarkson and her husband would also be joining them.

“Hey Endy, this is Gwen. Gwen this is my sister Endy.” Blake introduced them and made it pretty simple. 

“Hi Gwen, it’s great to meet you.” Endy was accompanied by a man. “This is Mike, my husband. Mike, this is Gwen Stefani.” She introduced them, but stopped before saying anything about who Gwen was, because there wasn’t anything to say, really. Her last name would have to do for now. 

“Are you kidding? I know who Gwen Stefani is.” Mike shook her hand excitedly. “No doubt." He made the basic joke that everyone used to make when they met her, but that made Gwen laugh for some reason, even if she was used to it. Maybe it was Blake’s loud laughter in the back.

"You know Kelly, right?" Blake asked, pointing at the other woman and making Gwen turn in her direction.

“We’ve met before, but I think this is the first time that we have been properly introduced." Kelly also shook Gwen's hand. 

“Yeah! It's so nice to finally meet you properly, Kelly.”  
Gwen greeted her, but if she was honest, she didn’t remember meeting Kelly Clarkson before, but again, her memory wasn’t the best, and with the pregnancy it got even worse.

"Oh my god, I'm freaking out." Kelly said quietly and then laughed, making most of the people around her laugh too. “Sorry, hi!” 

“Stop it, Kelly. Gwen is not that kind of celebrity. Can you pretend that you are normal?” Blake joked.

"Shut up, Shelton." She pushed on his shoulder, making him laugh out loud. "Hey Gwen, this is my husband Brandon." She introduced him herself. 

"Brandon is also my manager."Blake explained.

“Oh! Nice to meet you." Gwen and Brandon greeted each other as well.

They all quickly started a conversation, but Gwen wasn’t paying attention. She was stuck in her own thoughts for a few seconds after greeting Blake's sister and the others. Endy appeared to be a simple woman, and even Kelly was wearing a dress that was not at all fancy. It quickly occurred to Gwen that a wedding in Oklahoma was a different kind of celebration, one that she was not used to at all, and she felt very stupid because of her sparkly golden dress, very Hollywood-like.

For some reason, Gavin's voice saying how pathetic she dressed sometimes, kept playing over and over again in her head.

“You should have told me that this dress was too much." She was almost out of breath when she turned to Blake again and whispered that.

"What? But it is not, you look amazing.” He forgot the conversation he was having with somebody else to just look at her.

"I look pathetic." She took a deep breath. "I feel sick again."

"Hey, stop it, you're overthinking it again.” Blake took her chin and lifted her face up. “Look at Behati, she is wearing a hot pink dress, for god’s sake!" Even though Gwen was still freaking out a bit, the two of them ended up laughing together and she instantly calmed down.

Adam's wife was stunning, of course, it was just the way Blake had mentioned the color of her dress that made them laugh like that, until Gwen threw herself into his arms and Blake held her in a brief hug.

"Guys, from now on, we are all on bump duty." Adam told them, speaking loudly to get everyone's attention. 

“What?” Gwen let go of Blake to look at their friend. The mention of the word ‘bump’ meant that it had to be about her.

Blake almost wanted to punch Adam for bringing that subject up in front of everybody. He didn’t know what that was about, but of all options, he couldn’t think about a single good one and he wasn’t sure if he wanted his friend to explain that at all. 

"It means that we are the 'no tummy touching squad'." Adam explained quickly, even though Blake was giving him threatening looks. 

"What are you even talking about?" Blake asked, even though he was afraid of talking about that because he knew Gwen could easily freak out. He was too curious to let go. 

"I'm talking about disgusting strangers who like to touch baby bumps." Adam said. "If Gwen complains about it, she's the annoying celebrity who doesn't like normal people, so we're the ones who won't let them."

"Oh I will definitely be part of the ‘no tummy touching squad’ from now on.” Kelly said excitedly.

"Me too." Behati included herself as well. “We got you, Gwen.”

"I'm in too." Blake said and then he looked at Gwen. “That sounds nice, doesn’t it?” 

She was just quietly chuckling. “Yeah, it does.”

“Ok, so let’s go, I think we're all ready." He rushed them. “The wedding ceremony will start shortly."

"Wedding ceremonies suck." Adam left complaining.

"Is that what you thought of ours?" His wife scolded him, making other people laugh around them as they all headed for the lodge exit.

“It’s not as bad if Kelly is drinking though. Are you going to drink tonight?” Blake asked.

“You know I will.” Kelly answered with a big loud laugh.

Blake held Gwen's arm when she started to walk out too. “Hey, wait." He said. "I don't want you to worry about anything, ok? I'll be around you all the time."

"I am fine." Gwen smiled at him. "Please don’t mind my freak outs. It’s these pregnancy hormones. I want you to enjoy the party too. Plus it seems like I will have a really nice group of people around me tonight.”

“Ok, I will enjoy it too." Blake assured her. “I'm going to sing you a song."

"A song for me?" Her smile got even bigger. "I would love that."

“Hey Gwen?" Her head automatically turned when someone called her name, but when she saw it was Endy, her stomach hurt again. "I just wanted to let you know that it was really nice to finally meet you." she said, and Gwen relaxed a little when she heard that. “We are going to have a great night.”

“It was great to meet you too, Endy." She answered and sighed. “Thank you.”

Blake's sister waved quickly and they too left the lodge.

"I told you she would love you." Blake smiled behind Gwen, after whispering that in her ear. “Now let’s go. I have to tell you a funny story about the time Kelly and I made Adam cry on New Year’s Eve, but I gotta tell you in the van, to embarrass him.”


	23. Go on and break my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how every other TV show has that musical episode where everybody sings and there’s a songs for each character? So this is it for us.
> 
> No, I’m just kidding lol  
> Enjoy

It was such an enchanting night. The dark Oklahoma sky didn’t even have a single cloud to overshadow the brightness of the countless sparkling stars it displayed. It seemed as if the bride and groom had chosen that scenario by hand, and with heavenly help everything had been even more perfect than anyone could have planned.

The wedding ceremony took place in a small church, in the suburb of Ada, and it was really beautiful, not at all too long or tiring. The newlyweds seemed to be deeply in love, the little church was beautifully decorated with romantic flowers and other things that represented love. The pastor, who officiated the wedding and united them forever, seemed to know exactly the perfect words to fit into the perfect situations, so the ceremony felt like the perfect celebration for pure love. It was simple and honest, nothing too fancy, not at all exaggerated, just two hearts being celebrated by many others present there.

It was a very emotional start to the night, especially for Gwen, who felt even more like a failure while listening to the exchange of wedding vows between the bride and the groom, or the words of the pastor who married them. She felt like she wasn’t in the right place emotionally for all that, and she knew she needed to cry for countless hours, but instead, she didn't shed a single tear. She held everything inside so she would look a little more stable and normal.

Gwen spent long uncomfortable hours inside that little church, but promised herself that she wouldn’t cry in front of so many strangers and new acquaintances, much less in that crowded environment, full of curious people, who obviously were not used to being around public figures at all, because they continued to throw interested looks at the group that arrived with Blake. That wasn't a big problem, though, they were all used to those kind of looks, but she definitely wasn't going to cry in front of them.

Gwen sat there, between Kelly and Adam, and watched the whole ceremony holding on to all the emotions and trying not to showcase anything. 

Blake was at the altar, as one of the groomsmen, and ended up not being able to spend a single second next to her since they got to the church, but even from a distance he could notice the apathetic and distant facial expression she displayed, as if she was physically present there, but her mind was fighting to stay out of that scenario as much as it was possible, and struggling a lot with that. She was never like that, unless she was sad and hurting, and then connecting the dots was the easiest thing to do.

Blake felt like an idiot for not realizing that maybe she wasn't ready for a wedding like that, and it wasn't about their new relationship, it was about her old one.

After the beautiful ceremony in the small church, the wedding reception was held in an open-air lounge that looked like a clearing in the middle of a large park, full of trees and small ponds. There was a building in the middle where food and drinks were served, but entertainment was outside. There was a stage set up in the center with a dance floor right in front, and tables scattered around it. Even before the couple arrived, a band was already playing live music.

"As soon as the groom and the bride arrive, I will go up on stage and sing a song." Blake approached his friends as soon as they entered the place, but he spoke in a low voice tone and only for Gwen to hear, since he had come from behind her.

She wanted to confirm that it was the song he had promised to sing for her, but she didn't have time, because Blake's right hand was already resting on her lower back and he was talking to her again. “Are you ok?"

"Yes I'm fine. Please, don’t worry about me." Gwen tried to reject that subject and his worries, so they didn’t have to talk about that in the middle of the wedding reception, especially because she was still holding too many emotions inside. “I told you to enjoy the party. Where's your drink?” 

If she was very honest, she felt better now that the ceremonial was over and she was no longer inside the little church. The atmosphere there was much more like a party than a wedding, apart from the decor. 

“Hey I just got here, calm down." Blake joked.

"Hey Blake, aren't you going to introduce your famous friends?" The male voice came from behind his shoulder and made him turn his attention away from Gwen to see who had spoken to him.

“Oh, hi guys. Yeah, sure." The group of groomsmen was approaching them. There were 4 men, and Blake was the fifth one. “You know my sister Endy and her husband Mike. These are Gwen, Kelly, Adam and Behati. They are my friends." Again, the word ‘friend’ went out of his mouth like burning fire. Blake had to clear his dry throat.

What Adam had predicted was actually happening, he was having to introduce them as a group of friends when all he wanted was to be able to separate Gwen from that group and introduce her as something else.

“Nice to meet you." Danny, the best man who had first questioned his friend about introducing them, reached his hand to greet Gwen, even though his sentence was a greeting to everyone else too. 

Blake had never thought of the other problem that introducing Gwen as his friend brought: Other men.

“These are Danny, Jared, Logan, and Aaron, the groom’s best man and my friends since we were all kids." He introduced his friends.

The way Danny checked Gwen's body from bottom to top caused Blake's skin to crawl.

"Nice to meet you." She politely said, shaking his hand. 

The rest of the group also greeted each other. 

"I have been asking Blake for years to introduce me to you." Danny said, courting her with an interested smile.

Blake's friend was just a little taller than she was – although she was wearing high heels — with very dark hair styled in an undercut, and deep engaging eyes, as dark as his hair. He was completely different from Blake and his pretentious and cocky smile made that clear.

“Years? Stop lying!" Blake nervously laughed. "You didn't even know I was friends with her until… probably right now." He wanted to punch himself in the face because of the word 'friend' again, but he didn't have much of a choice.

“Play along, man.” Danny laughed too. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Forget about it.” Blake complained quietly, very frustrated by that interaction.

"I'm not that interesting." Gwen said, about his interest in meeting her, and she meant it.

"Are you kidding?" The guy laughed out loud, like it was the funniest joke.

Blake was torn between disagreeing with Gwen and correcting her, talking about how interesting she really was, or just being quiet. For some reason he chose to just stay silent, since he had no desire to talk about how amazing she was in Danny's presence.

"So… you are pregnant. I did not know." Blake's friend seemed to have ran out of things to talk about, so he was looking at her body again.

“Danny." Blake's tone sounded like a final warning.

“What? I think it's beautiful.” He raised his hand and made a move in Gwen's direction.

But Blake was quicker and grabbed his wrist. “No tummy touching." He pushed his hand away from her. 

Danny laughed, but he seemed to be a little uneasy, as if he was confused by Blake's attitude.

"Hey Blake." One of the other groomsmen called out to him and Blake turned his neck, but kept an arm in the space between Danny and Gwen, unconsciously. “Vince and Lauren are here. You have to go up on stage, right?”

“Ok, I'll be right there." He said, and then turned back to Gwen. “The bride and groom arrived, I'm going to play a song because I promised them I would, but I'll be right back, ok?"

“I told you not to worry about me." She was quick to answer. 

"Don't worry, I'll take care of her." Danny stepped up beside Gwen. "We will get a table next to the stage so we can watch you, Blake." 

And he didn't give a chance for either of them to respond. Danny grabbed Gwen's arm and took her with him towards the tables. 

Blake quickly looked around for support. Adam was looking in his direction and seemed to have watched the whole scene, so he just signaled to his friend and Maroon 5’s lead singer silently promised that he would be watching that interaction closely.

Blake knew Danny well enough to know that he would start drinking soon, and as usual, he would go overboard. The situation could quickly become uncomfortable for Gwen, so it was a relief for him to know that Adam would be watching. 

Blake made a quick mental note that he was failing in his mission to stay near Gwen that night. He wanted to do better after that quick performance, as he promised he would. 

Gwen didn't read Danny’s intentions in his eyes as easily as Blake. On the contrary, she was pleased to have the opportunity to spend time with Blake’s friends and chat with them, as the other groomsmen also joined the table they chose near the stage. It didn't take long for Adam, Kelly, Behati, Brandon, Endy and Mike to also pull out more chairs and join the group.

They started a collective conversation and some drinks were served, but as soon as Blake went on stage, they all ended up getting up and going to the dance floor.

"Congratulations, Vince and Lauren, we love you." He said into the microphone. "This is just to officially open the dance floor, so what do y’all say we all dance together?" Blake adjusted his guitar on his shoulders and torso and took position in front of the microphone to sing. 

The melody started first, but before singing the first note, he looked for Gwen in the middle of his group of friends, and when he found her, her eyes were also fixed on him. He winked at her and she smiled really big and excited at him.

_I'm gonna take you for a date  
Take you for a ride  
Gonna get you over there on the passenger's side  
I'm gonna put the radio on your favorite song  
I'm gonna crank it on up and get you singing along _

Blake started singing ‘Gonna’ — a song from his last album that turned out to mean a lot to him now — and people around Gwen were already dancing, but she was mesmerized by the way he performed looking directly at her with his enchanting blue eyes. There was something special about watching him perform in a suit as he looked at her like she was the only person there. Her whole body was tingling and she felt the same kind of energy and excitement as when she was performing herself, the only difference being that rare kind of butterflies in her stomach, which seemed to flutter to the beat of the music, because of the lyrics. The kind of butterflies that screamed that she was in love with him. So loud that it was even impossible for her to deny it.

Gwen couldn't help thinking about how Blake said he would dedicate a song to her, and was probably secretly doing just that. So she focused on the lyrics. It was their little secret, and it made it even better, and more irresistible.

_Hey, hey  
Alright  
Girl I'm diggin 'on hittin' on you tonight  
It ain't a maybe, it's hopin’  
I’m wishin' I wanna  
It's a damn right  
Hold you tight, baby I'm gonna_

Gwen bit her bottom lip when she heard that verse. Her eyes were still fixed on his and his never left hers either, so they just stared at each other for that whole first part of the song, until something distracted her.

"Is this your first visit to Oklahoma?" Danny stopped beside Gwen again and that made Blake quickly look away so it wouldn't be too obvious.

“Hm… yes." She looked quickly in his direction just out of habit, but then went back to looking for Blake's gaze, but she didn't find it anymore, he was focusing on something else now while singing.

"And are you enjoying it?"

“I'm trying to enjoy it." Gwen used an irritated tone, but regretted it the next second, when she remembered that this was one of Blake's best friends and she had spent long hours that morning overthinking about how she wanted to please them all. “Sorry... yes, I'm loving Oklahoma."

"Blake has so many interesting friends in Los Angeles, but he never brings anyone here." Danny seemed to be clueless about the fact that she definitely wasn’t trying to start a conversation. “When he told Vince he was going to bring some friends over there, we couldn't even believe it."

For some reason, Gwen found that information interesting. "And why do you think that is?"

"Oh I don’t know." He shrugged. “When we were younger and he started making money with his music, I thought he was ashamed of this side of him. The country and simple side, you know?” She had to hold back a great desire to roll her eyes and laugh at that. Blake would never be ashamed of that side of him, he loved it and everyone in LA knew it. That was so not Blake. “But we became adults and that thought seems very silly to me now, so I don't know."

She nodded. “Blake is a simple guy. He doesn't even have many friends in Los Angeles, honestly.” Gwen said, shrugging.

“Yeah… Maybe he won't bring friends like you here so that the girls he impresses around the countryside don't feel inferior. This way he can have it all. You know what I’m saying?” Danny said that as if it was a very funny joke, which he laughed at himself.

Gwen frowned. What he was trying to imply was something else that was very much not like Blake. 

“No. I really don’t.” She replied to him.

“Hey, it was a compliment.” Danny had to clarify.

“A compliment? I couldn’t tell.” She lost the very little interest she had in that conversation and turned her attention back to the stage. Thankfully, Blake was looking at her again.

_It's a damn right  
Hold you tight, baby I'm gonna  
Love ya all night long  
Till the crickets stop chirpin’_

He stared at her while singing and winked again. He was ready for the next verse. 

_Girl I ain't just flirting, I'm certain  
I'm working on a long term plan  
Gonna be your man  
Gonna put a little rock steady on your hand_

Gwen felt her legs weaken and the upset feeling at the pit of her stomach turned worse quickly. She didn't know for sure if they were butterflies or if she was going to get really sick.

"Bathroom." She suddenly turned around, looking away and turning her back to Blake. And she used that fast and simple word to explain herself because Danny seemed to want to follow her.

"Don’t worry, I've got her." Kelly appeared out of nowhere to save her, and Gwen willingly intertwined her arm with hers to get out of there.

  


***

  


"Breathe." Kelly handed Gwen more tissues. 

The two of them were hidden in one of the lounge’s ladies' rooms for a few minutes already. Gwen was breaking down from crying and the other one was just offering her some moral support, not even thinking about leaving her side at that moment.

"I'm sorry, Kelly." Gwen took a deep breath as she dried the tears under her eyes. “You must be thinking I'm crazy, right? I promise you that I am not. There's just a lot going on. And… baby.” She sobbed as she caressed her small baby bump, momentarily blaming her pregnancy hormones for that, even though she knew it wasn’t all. 

“Just tell me one thing, that guy there… what's his name? Danny?” Kelly questioned, trying to remember on her own and succeeding.

“Yeah, what about Danny?”

“Did he do anything to you? Because if he did, I'm ready to fight him.”

"No! He's insistent and talks too much, but he's fine.” Gwen was quick to deny it. “It's just that… I'm overwhelmed."

"Ok, you don't have to tell me anything." Kelly made sure to tell her, placing a hand on her shoulder and rubbing lightly.

But Gwen needed to say something, even though it might not make any sense to the other woman. Kelly seemed to genuinely care for her — and everybody, really — so much that the urge to simply tell her everything disturbed Gwen, but she decided to just talk about what she was feeling at that moment.

"You know when you want something so bad, and for so long, that when you feel that it is about to happen, you get really scared?" She asked quietly, sniffling. Kelly nodded, but did not interrupt. "Like when you spend the whole year waiting for Christmas morning, and then December 24th arrives and you can't sleep." Gwen had stopped crying, but her gaze was straying absently. “You know that Christmas morning is coming, and that it will be incredible, but it will be over in a few hours. And then that's it. The end. Everything you've waited for the whole year is over, and what do you do next? Do you sit in a corner and wait for the next Christmas?”

Kelly thought about that. The reflection was obviously not about Christmas or any holiday, but it was incredibly valid if she stopped to think about it. Expectations and disappointment were extremely dangerous, and as much as she didn't know exactly what was going through Gwen's mind in that moment, she knew all about the latest disappointments she had been through and was still going through, at least those that were public.

Kelly also knew about all the gossip in the tabloids, saying that the baby Gwen was expecting was Blake’s. It was one of those celebrity gossips that everyone knew about because it was everywhere, and Brandon, her husband, had told her about the possibility that the tabloids were actually right this time. 

She had no intention of asking about it, but it was easy to connect part of the dots.

“You know what?" Kelly sighed and grabbed another tissue to help dry Gwen's wet face. “Christmas morning always bears fruit. Regardless of how fast it goes by. It doesn’t really matter whether it is spiritually, if you are religious, materially, if you crave that really special gift, or just that pleasant warm feeling of a heart full of love, you know?” She said, and Gwen nodded. “Christmas may be gone in just a few hours, but the Christmas morning feeling can stay forever. If you are afraid of everything vanishing after the gifts under the tree are all open and exposed, then make every day feel like a holiday.”

"Christmas every day?" Gwen asked, holding back a soft laugh as she thought about how Kelly just went with her Christmas metaphor as if it made any sense. 

“Girl, you can have Christmas morning even on a summer night if that’s what you want. Just go and get it.” Kelly shrugged, as if it was the simplest thing in the world, but the way she spoke of it really made everything seem easier than it was.

They both briefly laughed together, but quickly stopped as the bathroom door opened and two other women entered. Gwen turned her back to the entrance door, facing the mirror, and she bent her neck down a little to hide her face. She didn't want any strangers watching her cry, that was a promise she had made to herself earlier in the evening, and one that she was already failing.

"Thank you for listening to me, Kelly." She said, in an almost whispering tone, when the other girls made their way to the other side of the public bathroom. "And for having something to say, even when I was talking about Christmas in June."

“Oh please, I love Christmas." Kelly waved a hand in the air. “And you know what else? You deserve Christmas. You’re a good person.” 

“Stop, you’ll make me cry again.” Gwen whined.

"No, no more crying, ok?" Kelly shook her head and chuckled. “How do you feel now?”

"Much better." Gwen answered with honesty. "Great, so let's get this makeup fixed and go back to the party.” She decided on their next move, and Gwen agreed. "I know a cowboy who must be looking for you." 

There was no reason to explain or ask anything else. Gwen nodded and her lips curved into a subtle smile. It was time to control those pregnancy hormones and get back to acting normally. Maybe even get her Christmas in June.

  


***

  


“Look at him. He's an asshole.” Blake took another sip of his drink as he angrily watched Danny prowling Gwen.

The whole night was happening that way. She was hanging out with Kelly, Endy and Behati and Blake's childhood friend was always around. Now that Danny was clearly drunk, the hungry looks he was throwing at Gwen were even less subtle, but she didn't seem to pay attention and Kelly and Behati were making sure he didn't get close enough to bother her. 

“I don't know what you're complaining about." Adam was leaning against the wall next to his friend, and he was also looking in the direction of the group of women. “You shouldn't be here. You are the one who should be around her all night.”

“She is getting to know the other girls. She is even talking to my sister, look. I don't want to disturb them.” Blake said, but Adam knew it was a lame excuse.

"God, you are such a loser." He rolled his eyes. “Miranda fucked your mind. You are fucked forever. ”

"What are you talking about?" Blake frowned when he looked at him. 

“Gwen didn't come to Oklahoma to talk to your sister or to hangout with Kelly and Bee, Blake. She came here for you.” Adam explained, sighing as if he was tired. “But that’s fine, it's your own fault that your friend is interested in the woman you love. This is what you get for not bringing her here as your girlfriend and introducing her to all of them as your friend.”

“I know. I already know, ok?" Blake kept his frowned face, watching Danny try to get closer again, but all he got was a scowl from Behati.

That made Adam laugh. “See? The girls are doing a lot more than you are.” 

Blake sighed deeply and finished with the contents of his glass. "I’m such an idiot. I should be braver." He confessed.

“What are you so afraid of anyway? Falling in love?” Adam turned to face his friend.

Blake let out a mocking noise. "Done that."

“Clearly." Adam laughed. “So what is it?"

"I'm afraid of being a jerk and hurting her, more than I know she's been hurt before.”

It was Adam's turn to mock. "No way. You're not a jerk, man, I'm sorry to tell you. You’re far from being anything like Gavin Rossdale.” He shrugged. “And when you say you like her, I know you really do. Also it’s obvious that she likes you too, after all, she is here even with all that ‘friends’ shit, isn't she?”

“Hey." Blake protested.

“I'm just saying. Today it’s Danny and she is not interested, but tomorrow there will be another one and she will not wait for you forever. So what are you waiting for?"

"Hey babe!" Behati had just gotten to them. “Let's dance."

Blake hadn't even noticed that the group of women had dispersed. Behati had approached them and Kelly was dancing with her husband, just like Endy and Mike, because the band started to play a slow song. 

He saw the exact moment when Danny stood up again.

“No, it's my turn." Blake left Adam and Behati behind to try to be faster than his friend. 

As soon as he reached him, in the middle of the way, he then grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “It's my turn, Danny, move over."

“Your turn for what?" Danny complained.

“You know what I mean... the pretty girl you're looking at?" Blake stood in front of him, halfway to their goal. "Have you ever wondered if maybe she's here for a reason?"

"No?" Danny seemed confused, but again, maybe he was just too drunk. "What do you mean?"

“I mean you have no chance." Blake patted him on the shoulder. "Go take a walk. If she wants you can come back later.”

"What's wrong with you today, Blake?" The other one complained again, but he didn’t even stay to listen. He was quick to leave him behind too, made his way over to her.

"Hey, pretty girl." Blake smiled when Gwen turned to look at him.

"Hi Blakey." She smiled too.

"Dance with me." It wasn't exactly a question, but it was a hopeful invitation nonetheless, so he held his hand out to her.

An invitation which Gwen would never refuse. 

"Finally." She chuckled and grabbed his hand so he could guide her to the middle of the dance floor, mixing themselves with the other couples dancing and celebrating love. ““I thought I was never going to dance with my best friend. In his friend’s thing, you know? The friend’s weekend in Oklahoma, just for friends.”

“Ha! You’re so funny.” Blake faked a loud laugh, but Gwen was truly amused. “That’s fine, keep going.” 

"It seems like your friend over there is really interested in having a friend like me." She teased some more.

“Oh... too far. You shouldn't be joking about this.” He frowned.

“Really? Why? Aren't we all friends at this beautiful friend’s event, just for friends?”

“Haven't you said that word enough?” Blake chuckled. “Adam is making fun of me too. You two are great, I'm having the time of my life.”

She laughed out loud. "I don't know, I'm not counting words.”

"I'm really never saying the word ‘friends’ ever again in my life."

The band on stage started to play Amazed by Lonestar, in a slightly slower version. As soon as they found a less crowded spot in the center of the dance floor, Blake wrapped Gwen's body in a kind of embrace, with one arm around her waist and the other hand resting on the middle of her back. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

_Every time our eyes meet  
This feeling inside me  
Is almost more than I can take  
Baby, when you touch me  
I can feel how much you love me  
And it just blows me away_

Gwen was looking directly at Blake, and when he looked down and their eyes met, the way she smiled subtly took his breath away. Her eyes stared at him with admiration and a different sparkle, and the way she smiled was so light and carefree, as if there was no longer a single worry in the whole world. 

Blake's hand went up to the top of her back, and he lightly caressed her as they slow danced in the middle of that dance floor. 

_I’ve never been this close to anyone or anything  
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams  
I don't know how you do what you do  
I'm so in love with you  
It just keeps gettin' better_

They moved to the beat of the song, swaying slowly. Chest to chest and eye to eye. His large body enveloped hers, and he protected her baby bump, that was comfortably pressed against him. Blake's hand carefully rubbed the exposed skin on her back. The warm touch of his fingertips was making her want to snuggle closer.

She realized that his blue eyes no longer had that deep shade of sadness that they used to have, and that brought enormous peace to her heart.

_I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side  
Forever and ever  
Every little thing that you do  
Baby, I'm amazed by you_

Blake tightened his arm around her waist and Gwen’s arms left his shoulders to wrap around his body as well. They were then wrapped in that tight hug as they continued to slow dance. She snuggled to him, as she wanted to since the beginning, and laid her head against his chest. Blake touched her forehead with his lips and stayed that way, lingering and prolonging that tender forehead kiss, as he silently appreciated that moment. 

_The smell of your skin  
The taste of your kiss  
The way you whisper in the dark  
Your hair all around me  
Baby, you surround me  
You touch every place in my heart  
Oh, it feels like the first time every time  
I wanna to spend the whole night in your eyes_

"Are you happy?" Gwen rested her chin on his chest to look up and face him. Her voice was barely above a whisper that only Blake could hear. 

He looked down at the same time, getting lost in her dark brown eyes faster than he expected. 

“Yes." He didn't know for sure the answer to that question, so he let what he really felt come out through his lips. Blake's hand left her back and went up to touch her face, copping her right side. His thumb slid down her cheek and his lips curved into a genuine smile. “Are you happy?” He asked right back at her. 

_I don't know how you do what you do  
I'm so in love with you  
It just keeps gettin' better_

Gwen smiled too and then snuggled up to him again. Blake squeezed her in that hug, thinking that was enough of an answer. 

"Yes. There is nowhere else I’d rather be.” She looked up again to stare deep into his eyes. "Than here… in your arms." 

_I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side  
Forever and ever_

That phrase did something to Blake's heart. All he could do was face Gwen and wish they could go somewhere else, more private, so he could kiss her. Oh how he wanted to kiss her. 

"I love you." The confession escaped his lips by surprise, in the heat of the moment, but it wasn’t like it was anything close to a lie. 

However, Blake knew he shouldn't say it that way. He saw the exact moment when Gwen's eyes widened slightly and a cold chill went up his spine. 

They stared at each other for a few seconds, wide-eyed, but in silence, until Gwen's eyes strayed to something behind Blake, over his shoulder. 

"Oh no." She murmured, displeased. 

"What?" He turned his neck in time to see Danny approach behind him. 

"Fucking hell." Blake cursed. "Get lost, Danny." 

"It's my turn now." He was already so drunk that he could barely stand, so he had to lean on Blake. 

“Excuse me?” Gwen narrowed her eyes. 

"Dance with me, Gwen." 

"No, I'm fine, thanks." She took a step back. 

Danny followed, stepping forward. 

“It's just a dance." He insisted and managed to grab her arm before Blake reached him. 

He pulled her to him as if he was going to hug her to dance, but he was very clumsy and used too much strength, so his body ended up slamming into her front, including her baby bump. 

“What the fuck, Danny?” Blake pulled him by the back of his suit. "Are you ok?” He looked at Gwen, but did not get an answer. 

In the next second she had already closed her right fist and swung it in the air to punch Danny right in the face. There was a cracking noise and his body slammed into Blake's behind him. The grunt of pain came in a double dose — Danny’s, somewhat delayed, when he realized what had happened as the pain hit him, and Gwen’s when she shook her hand in the air, now also in pain. 

There was no time for anything else, after a brief silence, when everyone around seemed to try to understand what just happened, Danny turned and attacked Blake, grabbing his suit collar and also hitting him with a sudden punch in the face, that came completely out of nowhere, since he wasn’t the one to punch him in the first place. 

Gwen's scream called out to the others and in seconds the dance floor turned into a huge mess. 

Adam went into full revenge mode and was punching Danny in the stomach and kicking his legs, Behati was around too, shouting something that was impossible for everyone to hear in the middle of the fight, Mike was trying to pull Blake back and Kelly was pushing another one of Blake's friends, who was trying to take up Danny’s side to make the fight worse. 

Endy came over just to grab Gwen's shoulders and get her away from that mess, before someone had the chance to actually unintentionally hurt her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when you thought I was broken since the engagement and could only write fluff, right? (and you were right)


	24. I know I've been a real bad girl

"Do you have any idea of the mess you guys made at my wedding reception?" Vince, the groom, was confronting them. 

The groomsmen and everyone else present who was in the middle of the fight, were now in the venue’s parking lot, listening to the lecture they deserved to hear.

The Oklahoma sky over their heads was still so beautiful it looked fake. Dark blue, without a single cloud, and decorated with the brightest stars. But the night was getting colder now, the way it was usual even for a summer night in that part of the country. 

"My wife, who just married me, is probably seriously considering leaving me after this mess my own best friends made." They were separated into two groups, Blake's Hollywood friends leaning against the van that brought them there, side by side in a row, as if they were really criminals waiting for punishment, and the other groomsmen — also Blake’s friends, but for longer, since childhood — on the opposite side, leaning against somebody else’s truck. 

"It's Blake's fault, he punched me in the face!" Danny broke their silence, in an angry tone.

"I didn't punch you, how many times do I have to say it?" Blake rolled his eyes. "You’re just drunk."

“Oh yes? This blood doesn’t seem to be a drunken illusion to me.” He took off the cloth that covered his nose and showed his still bloody face. “But I'm dreaming, right?"

"I punched you in the face." Gwen confessed, already tired of all that conversation. She also held her hurt hand against her chest, since that subject was a constant reminder of that annoying pain. 

"Shh, stay out of this." Blake warned her and she shot him a displeased look.

Danny looked at her with a discredited look. He would never believe that she could punch him so hard as to make his nose bleed like that. “See, Vince? It's all their fault.” He played along anyway, so he could blame them.

“You are an asshole!" Kelly suddenly screamed, also tired of that.

"Stop, Kelly." Brandon warned her, but she shrugged. “Blake said to stay out of it. Can you listen to someone and be quiet at least once in your life?”

"It doesn't matter whose fault it is, it was childish and it will be marked forever. No one will ever remember our wedding reception without thinking about it.” Vince still seemed angry, he had a facial expression that referred to disappointment.

“Now I need y’all to leave. You guys already made a big mess tonight. Actually it’s enough mess for a whole year.” He concluded.

"That's not fair." Danny complained. “Let us stay, Vince. Gwen and I are just going to kiss and make up, if you know what I mean.” He laughed out loud, as if it was the funniest joke anyone could think of.

“Gross.” Gwen whispered so he wouldn’t hear her.

“You’re not getting anywhere near her after the way you almost hurt her.” Blake was quick to tell him.

“Oh be careful, buddy. The way you speak it might seem like you’re more into her than I am.” Danny tried to mock him, but the way Adam laughed about that was way funnier than Danny’s attempt to embarrass Blake. “Oh wait… you can’t, right? You’re still married.” 

“I will take care of him.” Adam tried to move forward, but Behati held him back.

"Ugh, I'll be the next to punch you in the face." Kelly practically screamed, stomping her foot firmly on the concrete ground.

"Enough, Danny." Vince sighed. "Come on, there’s no way we can all stay here. I'm going to call you an Uber."

Blake's other friends came over to say goodbye to him. The fight was a mess, but they were always like that. They had grown up loving and fighting each other, like boys do, and the next day the fight didn't matter, because they were like brothers. Nobody really held a grudge, not even Vince would remember that a couple of days from then — maybe his wife would remind him, though. But it was healthy to recognize when a brother was wrong, and that night, perhaps due to drinking, Danny was a little more in the wrong than he used to be. Maybe that’s why he stayed away, just waving from a distance. Or maybe it was because Kelly and Behati were still snarling at him.

They left and only Blake's group stayed. 

"Well, I think it is our turn to leave too." They were all still leaning against the van when he said it himself. 

Blake had a bruised eye from Danny's punch, and a minor cut right under his eyebrow. One of Adam's cheeks was red, also from punches, and Mike was limping because someone had stepped badly on his foot. They all looked like teenagers after a bar fight, and that was the exact thought the whole group had when they started looking at each other.

Kelly was the first to start laughing, but she was soon followed by Mike, Blake, Adam and Behati. Gwen and Endy took a little longer, but the loud laughs were too contagious to ignore.

"Did you also feel like the school principal came to lecture us?" Blake's brother-in-law asked, between laughs.

Most of the people around agreed with their heads or with more laughter.

"Who knew, a bunch of grown men would have to sit through a lecture because they punched each other at their friends' wedding." Kelly teased them, as if she herself hadn't gotten into the fight when things got bad.

“Sorry, it was all my fault. I ruined the wedding reception with a single punch.” Gwen apologized and blamed herself.

“By the way, that was so hot.” Blake didn’t fail to make everybody laugh again. 

“Stop.” Gwen rolled her eyes. “It’s not funny.” 

“Hey it's ok, they won't even remember it tomorrow." He laughed.

"The bride and groom will probably remember forever, though." She insisted. “I know I would.”

“It's not your fault that asshole decided to attack you." Behati defended her, even if she was the one blaming herself. "He could have hurt you or hurt the baby."

"Are you sure everything is ok?" Blake asked. It must have been the fifth time since Danny bumped into her. “What about your hand?”

"Yes, everything is fine." She replied immediately. “My hand is just sore.”

“Then he attacked Blake.” Adam said. "Sorry, buddy, we ruined the party because we are loyal to you." He put an arm around Blake's neck and patted him on the chest, making him laugh.

In the distance, “Lean On Me” by Bill Withers started playing, as if it was another perfect coincidence of that night, and in the brief silence that dominated the parking lot, the lyrics became so clear that it was the only thing they could all hear.

_Sometimes in our lives  
We all have pain  
We all have sorrow  
But if we are wise  
We know that there's always tomorrow_

“Aw, see? We’ve got each others back.” Kelly was the first to start singing softly, but it spread like wildfire.

Behati hugged Adam, Endy and Mike exchanged a quick peck and sang together, Kelly turned towards Brandon and they too were distracted from everything else.

Blake and Gwen were left alone, although among all of them. But not really, because they had each other, and it was becoming increasingly clear that they would always have each other.

_Lean on me, when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
Till’ I’m gonna need  
Somebody to lean on _

Gwen snuggled up to Blake first, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, ensuring that she was comfortable leaning against his body. His other hand rested on her small baby bump, and he caressed it lightly while also beginning to sing the lyrics very low. His lips touched the top of her forehead and stayed there, lingering and kissing her for some time.

_Please swallow your pride  
If I have things you need to borrow  
For no one can fill those of your needs  
That you won't let show_

Soon the whole group was in a circle that had not been planned, but seemed so right. They were singing together, as if they were still part of the party from which they had just been expelled, but none of them really cared.

_You just call on me brother  
When you need a hand  
We all need somebody to lean on_

They clapped together and sang out loud. Their smiles were so big that they even seemed like bright stars in the dark Oklahoma sky above their heads.

_I just might have a problem  
That you'll understand  
We all need somebody to lean on _

Adam put his arm around Blake again, even with Behati still hugging him. Kelly held Gwen's hand on the other side and they continued to sing together in a circle.

Gwen felt so good at that moment. When she looked back to the beginning of that journey, the most striking thing that came to her mind was the way she felt desperately alone. She was definitely not alone anymore, and she didn't even remember when the last time was that she felt like she was part of such a solid group of friends like that. That made her feel so happy, accepted, and loved.

_Lean on me  
When you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend _

“Hell no.” Blake grunted, making Gwen and Adam laugh, because they were the only ones who really understood his aversion to the word 'friend'.

_I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on_

Timothy, Blake's friend who was driving them around Oklahoma that night, arrived and opened the van door for them. They then started get in and headed to their seats.

"Hey, Gwen." Endy called, when they were also about to get in the vehicle. "Welcome to the family."

"I told you not to say that." Blake complained to his sister. "You will make her uncomfortable."

“It's all good." Gwen smiled at Endy. "Thank you. I am so happy that I’m here.”

  


***

  


"We are here!" Blake said excitedly when the van passed through the ranch’s gate and entered his property, stopping ahead, near the cabins and the lodge.

"Finally, I need to pee really bad." Kelly was the first to get up and open the door to exit.

“Hey, are you going to sleep? It's still early. Maybe we could hang out some.” Adam got out of the van shortly after Kelly.

“Yes, it's not even midnight yet. We could do like last night and sing some songs.” Behati, who came right after her husband, suggested.

"Like acoustic karaoke?" Kelly suddenly seemed to be very excited. “Yes yes, please, let's hangout a little. Please, Shelton?”

“Sure, I don’t mind, as long as I can have a drink." Blake got out of the van as well and held Gwen's hand to help her do the same, then stayed to help his sister too. 

Mike came last and Brandon had been in the front seat next to the driver that whole time.

"It seems great to me." Endy agreed with the idea and so did her husband.

"Do you want to hangout with us?" Blake turned to Gwen to ask.

"Yes, of course, it will be great."

"Ok, so I'm going to get some alcohol." He told everyone and people celebrated.

"Hey, you need to wash this cut and cover it up a little bit." She said, about the cut that was the consequence of Danny's punch. "Can I come with you?" 

"Ok, yeah, come with me." Blake took Gwen's hand and pulled her with him. “Mike, can you light a fire? It's getting cold out here. I can't ask Adam for something like that because the only fire he knows how to light is his electronic fireplace.”

"I can tell you a few other fires he knows how to light, Blake." Behati replied, laughing.

"Yeehaw!" Blake teased when he was already entering the lodge with Gwen.

“I need band aids and antibiotics. I don't want it to get infected.” She got inside the place already giving him orders.

"Second cabinet, near the sink." He told her, but his attention was focused on looking for the alcohol he had promised his guests.

As soon as she opened the cabinet, Gwen quickly found everything she needed, but she had to call Blake twice and wait until he decided to finally take a break from what he was doing and go to her.

"This is no big deal." He justified himself while she washed her hands to wash his cut.

“You have to take care of it or it will turn out to be a big deal." She insisted. Blake shook his head, as if she had just said something silly. 

Gwen positioned her body in front of his, her right leg in between his legs and she leaned over to wash the cut above his right eye.

“Does it hurt?” She asked while carefully wiping the cut with a soft towel. 

“No, not at all.” Blake answered, but he couldn’t tell. He felt intoxicated by her presence, by her scent and her perfect face so close to his.

She was so close to him.

“Promise me?"

"What?" He finally decided to try to focus on her, because he seriously suspected that he was completely lost for a second and might have missed something she said to him.

"That you will take care of this." She put some antibiotics on the tip of her clean finger and applied it carefully to the wound.

"I promise." Blake agreed as she was covering his cut with the band aid. Then his hands grabbed her waist and he stroked her sides lightly. "Thank you"

Gwen looked at him, seeming as lost as he was before.

At that moment the door to the lodge opened and both of them almost jumped in fright.

"Sorry. Bathroom." Kelly ran in and crossed the main area to the restroom.

Blake laughed nervously. He was about to say something when Gwen walked away. 

"I'll see if they need any help outside." And she didn't even give him the chance to speak. She went around the counter and left the lodge as fast as she could.

Blake stayed. He finished grabbing the alcohol, some glasses and some snacks and then joined the others outside. 

The fire was already burning, there were chairs around it and most people were already seated. He took the cooler and positioned it next to his chair, and then Blake looked around. Kelly was laughing out loud at something she was telling Brandon. Endy was nowhere to be seen. Behati, Adam, and Mike seemed to be having an engaging conversation. Even Blake's guitar was already in place, but he didn't see Gwen around.

"Hey, where's Gwen?" He asked.

"She said she was going to take a shower and put on more comfortable and warm clothes." Behati informed. She was the only one who knew where the other had gone.

“Oh ok." Blake understood right away and they ended up starting the fun without her.

However, when more than 2 hours passed, he assumed that Gwen had given up on the idea of hanging out and singing around the fire, and decided to rest, so he promised himself he would check on her later.

People started going back to their cabins around 2 am. Kelly and Brandon were leaving early the next day, so they were first. Adam and Behati followed soon after because they wanted to get up early to watch the sunrise by the lake before breakfast. Endy and Mike also said goodbye soon, and Blake decided that before going to his cabin, he would check on Gwen.

He almost had a heart attack when he knocked and realized she was never inside cabin number 1, nor in the lodge, or in his pickup truck, nor in any of the bathrooms. Gwen was nowhere to be found.

He tried to call her many times, but she didn't answer or reply to any of his texts. Then Blake officially started to freak out. That was what he did for almost an hour, wondering if he should call the police or bother his friends that late screaming for help, until his cell phone rang and Gwen's name and photo appeared on the screen.

Blake's heart leapt with relief and at the same time tightened even more. "Gwen?" He answered quickly.

"Blake?" Her voice made his legs weaken and Blake had to sit on the lodge’s couch.

“Where are you? What the hell is going on?”

“I went for a walk, I needed to clear my head." She explained. “But I walked too much, I don't know exactly where I am and I don't want to walk that much back. Can you come and pick me up?”

“Are you kidding me? I was so worried. Why didn't you answer the phone?” He was overwhelmed by a dangerous mix of relief, fear, and frustration.

“I wanted to clear my head, I told you. Nothing to worry about.” Gwen sighed.

"You are so stubborn. You also sound really selfish right now, I hope you know that.” Blake sighed too, but loudly on the phone. “I'm going to pick you up, where are you?"

She knew she was wrong, so she decided not to comment on what he was saying out of frustration. Also, there was one more problem. “I… there are very tall trees here, and it smells like wet grass." She said.

Blake was silent, waiting for more details, until he understood that that was all. "You just described the entire woods."

"I can't see a palm in front of my face, it's too dark." Gwen confessed at once.

Blake let out a frustrated growl. “Great, this is going to be fucking great.”

“Wait, there's a lake. A large lake, I can see the moon reflecting in the water. I'm not far from there, I came here walking.”

“Ok, now I know exactly where you are. Wait for me there, don’t go anywhere.” He said, sounding less like a grouch. “You will have to listen to me.”

"Can’t wait."

  


***

  


The truck’s headlights were the only thing illuminating the complete darkness of the woods at dawn. Blake got out of the car with a frown on his face, and the first thing Gwen saw him do was stick his foot in a puddle of mud. Luckily the boot he was now wearing covered the hem of his suit pants. He didn't seem to care at all, either.

“What were you thinking? This isn't LA, you can't be wandering around alone in the dark.” He started scolding her before he was even close enough. 

“Like you could do that in LA.” Gwen did not seem intimidated by his attitude. She knew it was only because he was really nervous.

The car was still running because it was the only way to see anything that was more than a foot ahead.

“You have no idea how it is out here.” He stopped in front of her.

“I'm still on your property, right? You are overreacting big time.” She tried to defend herself, but she knew that disappearing like that was very wrong.

“You scared me." Blake confessed when he came over to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight. Relief now taking over his body. She was really cold from the freezing late night breeze. "I almost called the police to look for you."

“I'm sorry" Gwen hugged him back. She wasn't trying to scare him, nor had she thought about that. She just needed a second alone and didn't want to be locked inside the cabin. 

Even in the dark, Gwen could admire the beauty of the woods. When her eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness she was able to notice how majestic the big lake on his property was, the huge tree trunks, the roots that came out of the ground, and especially the sky adorned with bright stars.

"Blake, do you really?" She asked, after a few seconds of silence.

“Do I really what?" He let go of the hug to look at her, and started rubbing her cold arms in an attempt to offer some warmth.

"Love me?" She asked suddenly, making him freeze in place. "Do you really love me?" 

Blake wasn’t expecting her to bring that up at all. After all those hours, he thought it had been buried in the middle of all the mess at the end of the wedding party. He thought about how to answer that, but he didn't think he should lie to hide anything from her.

"Yes I do. I love you." He said then.

“You are crazy." Gwen shook her head and turned away from him, looking at the calm lake, now in front of her.

"It's ok if you don't feel it." He hurried to say as he approached behind her, his hands now tucked into the pockets of his pants. "I shouldn't have said something like that, it was crazy, you're right."

But it didn't seem like she was even listening to him. Gwen's eyes were focused on the bright moon’s reflection in the lake’s waters, and her mind seemed to be far away from there.

It was even more evident when she started talking again. “I want my Christmas morning on a summer night.” She said.

Blake frowned. “Say what?”

Gwen was now noticing their silhouette dancing in the calm lake waters. His much taller than hers, even if a little further back. Hers was small and vulnerable, but in front of his, as if it was guiding him. And he didn’t dominate her or make hers disappear in his greatness, on the contrary, his shadow was an extension of hers. He completed her when he was present, as if he was just there ensuring that she was succeeding and ready to protect her if necessary.

“Something always brings me back to you." She suddenly whispered. He got closer so he could hear her better. “I try to run, but it’s stupid, because I'm not moving. I’m running in place and I always go back to you.” At the end of that sentence, she finally turned her neck and faced him. The moonlight reflected the single lonely tear that ran down her face. “This something is so strong, like it wants to rip my chest out when I'm away from you.” Gwen keep saying, and her facial expressions were of pure agony, as if confessing all that was something extremely painful for her. “But it also makes me feel like I'm burning when I am too close to you, so I don't know what to do.”

It took Blake a few seconds to assimilate that information, but it was still very confusing to him. "So what you're saying is that it's a bad feeling anyway, right? I don’t want to be anything bad for you. I don’t want to ever cause any harm.”

"That’s not what I mean, what I mean is... I’m tired of running in place and not getting anywhere." She explained, but Blake's face made it clear that he was still confused. “I mean to say that if burning is what I get for loving you, then I’d like to burn forever because I do... I love you too.”

It was Blake's turn to widen his eyes at that sudden confession. That was another thing he wasn't expecting to happen that night, but it didn't take him a second to assimilate and appreciate it. 

Even though, apparently, they had been on the same page for a while now, that was the first time that both of them really verbalized the fact that they really wanted the same things and felt the same way for each other. 

He just had to take a step forward to close the distance that still existed between them, and wrapping his arms around Gwen felt like the most certain thing he had ever done in his entire life, just like when she threw her arms around his neck and their lips touched for a passionate kiss. Blake pressed her against his body, and he wanted to never have to let go.

Gwen was so relieved to finally have the freedom and confidence to talk to him about her feelings, that that intense but brief kiss felt like the best they had ever exchanged in all those months. 

When their lips finally parted and they both tried to inhale the cold night air, Blake rubbed Gwen's back and kept her close to his body still.

"I had something to tell you, remember? At the cabin earlier today?” He whispered to her.

“Oh yeah.” She nodded, looking at him and feeling her body warm and comfortable in his arms. “I remember. What is it?” She hadn’t even thought about that all night, her mind was always busy with something else. 

“I wanted to tell you that I no longer want there to be any doubt that I want you this way. I don't want to be friends, I want you to be mine.” Blake said at once, not really stopping to think about it so there was no chance he would be scared to say that. “I don’t mean it in a crazy, possessive way, I just want to make sure we are on the same page and it’s official. I want you to be my girlfriend and I want everyone to know.” 

That made her giggle, for some reason. "Take it easy, cowboy." He laughed too, but Gwen placed her hand on Blake's face and stroked it lightly, from the band aid she had placed over the cut under his eyebrow to his jawline. "Are you sure about that?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes." He confirmed without even having to think about it twice. "I’m not hesitant or confused. I know what I want and I know it hasn’t been easy and it still won’t be, but I want to try to make you happy, and I will never hurt you."

“I know you wouldn't hurt me." She smiled at him.

"I can be very stupid sometimes, but I won't be stupid about it anymore." His hand quickly played with a lock of her hair, and then he placed it behind her ear. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Will you promise me something?" Gwen asked quietly, and she was even afraid to ask that question. Blake nodded slowly. “Promise me you will never hurt our baby?"

"What kind of promise is that?" He frowned.

"I mean in general." She started to explain. "If we end up not really working out, if we don't stay together forever... if the baby isn't yours." That was when he understood that the whole question was about that last sentence, and it made sense to him.

“I love our baby anyway, ok? For me it's like it's mine and there is no other option, you know that.”

"I do, it's just—” Gwen tried to say, but Blake interrupted her.

“Do you want me to say that to the baby? I will promise to it.” Suddenly, he was getting down on his knees in front of her, his suit pants immediately getting damp from the wet grass under his body.

“Blake?" She was confused for a second and scolded him for getting his clothes dirty like that, but in that position he was perfectly facing her bump.

“Hi baby mango." Blake started to speak in his soft, soothing voice. “You are growing so much in there. I am so proud of you.” That made Gwen chuckle again. "I can't wait to meet you."

“Aw." She happily sighed.

"Don't worry about mom, I'm taking care of her out here." He kept talking to her baby bump. “I just wanted to promise you that I will always be in your life, ok? You will always be my baby, nothing else matters.” 

Gwen was smiling and melting with the things Blake was saying when she felt that bubbling sensation right in the center of her stomach.

“Oh, baby likes it. It’s kicking.” 

“Is it really?" He lifted his face to look at her, seeming amazed by that information.

“Yes. Say it again." 

Blake nodded and went back to stroking her bump. “I hope you don't mind being stuck with me forever, baby." He said. 

She felt that fluttering in her stomach again. 

"Oh my god, baby really loves you.” Gwen laughed. 

Blake stood up and kissed her lips again. 

“I love baby too." He smiled at her. “Now come on, it's too cold out here for you to be just wearing this party dress. I have to take care of my girlfriend.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and started to guide her to his truck. "Wait... you are my girlfriend, right?"

"Girlfriend... that's a silly word at this point in my life." Gwen laughed. 

Blake ended up laughing too. "Right? I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time.”

"Ok, I'll be your girlfriend, I guess." She shrugged, as if it wasn't important.

"Wow, Gwen Stefani just said she'll be my girlfriend." Blake pulled her a little more against his body while they both laughed. "Who would have thought. The universe is really crazy.”

“I know, I can't believe I'm dating a cowboy." Gwen also used the same joke. "God really works in mysterious ways."


	25. I only want to fly first-class desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I’m back already. How fast is too fast to update since I’m writing as I go? Well brace yourselves cause it’s a 6K+ chapter too.
> 
> Hope you know what’s coming and where you are getting yourselves into.

It was dark, the lights were all out at the spacious ranch main lodge, and the only thing lighting the place was the fire slowly burning in the fireplace.

It was still late that same night and Blake and Gwen had already returned to his place. They were laying together on the big couch in front of the fire, his body against the back cushions and hers lying on one of his arms. 

The place was cozy, dimly lit, warm and quiet, the only thing they could hear was the noises their own lips made while they were kissing.

Gwen's left leg was wrapped around Blake's waist and her long golden dress had to be pulled all the way up to her hips for her to be able to do that. His hand roamed free over her thigh as they exchanged intense, passionate kisses, and others a little more affectionate as well. There was a blanket thrown over their bodies, but they were already sufficiently warmish by each other's body heat and the way the kisses they exchanged became more intense by the second. 

They had been like that for a few long minutes already, maybe even hours, it was impossible to say because they had both lost track of how much time they had spent there, enjoying each other like that. 

Blake's hand went up and down Gwen's thigh again. He made a point of dragging his fingertips teasingly across her skin until he felt the skin bumps under his touch and knew she was exactly how he wanted her to be. 

Then he broke the kiss and lightly bit her lower lip, pulling it and sucking on it. 

"I want you." He said quietly against her lips, since he had just pressed his against hers again.

"I'm yours." Gwen breathlessly said. Her tongue invaded his mouth, hungry for another intense kiss, but Blake soon interrupted it again. 

His lips went down to the curve of her neck and his hand went up to grab her ass under her dress. His fingertips dug in her skin and that made Gwen's lower body lunge forward against his.

"I want to fuck you right here." His mouth sucked on her earlobe after he whispered that. 

She moaned softly. "Fuck me." Her voice had a voluptuous, hoarse tone.

It was very easy for Blake to identify that he was arousing her to the maximum, but he still wanted to go deeper in that.

“You want it?” His hand came up in a quick motion and went down again, slapping her thigh hard. “Ask that again."

Gwen gasped loudly and her leg tightened even more around his waist.

“Fuck me." She whimpered with pleasure, this time with her lips pressed against his. Her body slightly trembling with anticipation. 

"No." Blake said firmly. "You were a bad girl today."

“Was I?" Upon hearing that, she quickly joined the game.

“Yes, you were very bad." He moved his lips to whisper in her ear, then he went down her neck with a path of kisses and light bites.

Blake reached up with his hand to grab and lower the strap of her dress. His lips began to explore the entire area of her shoulder and neck with hot, humid kisses and intense hickeys again. 

"Then punish me." 

"Oh, I will." He grabbed her face with one hand and pulled so he could kiss her lips again. His tongue going deep inside her mouth and teasing her as he explored her, but he soon broke that kiss too. "I'm going to fuck you for the rest of the night." 

“Yes, do it." The hot sensation that went up Gwen's spine straight to her flushed cheeks made her close her eyes and let out a subtle sigh. All that dirty talk after hours of kissing and making out was driving her crazy.

“Shh, it’s supposed to be your punishment.” Blake let out a deep chuckle and then his lips kissed hers again, to make her stop talking.

His hand went down again, this time down the side of her body and back to her thigh. His fingertips caressed her inner thigh and then went up, touching her over the delicate cloth of the lace panties she wore. Gwen moaned directly into Blake's lips and embraced his touch, moving her hips slightly.

“Wet like that, huh?" He broke the kiss to speak. "You know I can't resist that."

"It's what you do to me." She whispered, breathless. Her chest rose and fell rapidly and her heart rate was increasing by the second. "I need you." Gwen confessed, but it sounded more like a request. A desperate request. “Now."

"No." Blake was quick to deny again, with a smug smirk on his lips.

She let out a frustrated growl that turned into a loud squeak when his fingers worked skillfully to push her panties aside and touch her without the cloth in the way this time.

“Blake—” The moan that came out of Gwen's mouth was louder and had a long dragging tone. He enjoyed that very much, it was like music to his ears, so Blake positioned his fingers against her clit and started to move them rhythmically, very slowly and with the right amount of pressure.

“Oh god, you’re driving me crazy.” She was panting and he accelerated his pace until his two fingers were rubbing her clit fast enough to make her even more wet, and then he used them to penetrate her entrance. Gwen gasped and her hips thrusted forward looking for more depth.

“Oh yes… like that.” She closed her eyes and threw her neck back. “This is… so good.”

"You like that, huh?" Blake's lips devoured her neck, sucking on her skin hungrily.

"Yes... your fingers... I-" Blake slammed his fingers harder inside her and Gwen's hips started to roll and thrust forward faster. "Oh god, I'm losing my mind."

"You are fucking hot." He whispered in her ear. “You have no idea how much I love watching you lose your mind like this."

She bit her lip and whimpered. “Blake, stop—” She asked when she knew his fingers were slowly driving her to heaven. 

He didn’t listen to her. He was slamming his fingers as far as he could go inside of her. The way she was wet and how she moaned in a breathless way was so arousing to him that his blood pressure seemed ready to explode, he could even hear his heart pounding. It didn't help that he was looking at her face, which twitched with the pleasure he was inflicting, with her flushed cheeks and partly parted lips.

He kissed those lips, and that made Gwen grab his arm and pull his hand out of her panties before it was too late.

“Stop." She said firmly. “I don't want to come for your fingers. I need more than that. I want you to fuck me.” Her steady tone gradually turned into a whimper.

"I said not now." Blake's tone sounded like a warning. "I am punishing you."

"Fine." Gwen's leg tightened around his waist and she turned in a quick movement, changing her position when she rose to sit on him. The soft blanket that was over their bodies flew to the floor. "If you're not going to fuck me, I'm going to get it another way." Her hands gripped his suit pants and she unzipped it.

“Hey?" Blake warned again. "Don’t do that." But he wasn’t able to hold a small chuckle.

“I want it!" She pulled his pants down, but left his underwear in place, and then sat on top of him, with his bulge positioned right in between her spread legs. 

Gwen sighed when she first rubbed herself against him. "Oh, you are so hard." Her hips moved in a circular motion over him making Blake groan low. The weight of her body on his was enough to make his cock throb with anticipation. "Let's see how far you can take it."

"Gwen—" He grabbed her thighs, but completely lost track of what he meant to say when she rolled her hips over him again, rubbing herself one more time. “Fuck!”

She leaned her torso forward just to kiss his lips and bite them lightly as she unbuttoned the white dress shirt he had worn all night under his suit. She didn't take his shirt off, just unbuttoned all the buttons to gain access to his chest and be able to use her long nails to scratch him when she stood up again and used her hips to tease him.

The friction was so delicious that Blake knew he was being sent slowly, but certainly to a premature orgasm if they continued like that. She was making him groan deeper and grab her thighs firmer. He was solid hard, pulsing beneath her, and she was so wet and ready for him that his boxers were also getting wet from the contact and the rubbing.

Gwen had proven her point, Blake couldn't take it anymore. His torso quickly rose and he pushed her back against the back cushions of the couch. She was taken aback by that sudden movement, but the adrenaline rushed even faster throughout her body when Blake pressed her against the pillows and lifted her dress further, holding on both sides of her lace panties.

"Fine, I will give you what you want." He said hoarsely as he was panting. 

His hands got rid of her underwear and then he lowered his boxers and suit pants to his knees.

“I always get what I want." Gwen teased, but Blake lifted one hand and held her neck, making her gasp. 

"Stop talking." He whispered, his face very close to hers now. "I will make you scream."

“Hm hot." She even managed to say, before he opened her legs and positioned his cock between them, right at her entrance.

He was standing now, facing the couch while she was leaning against the back of it. Blake held under her ass to lift her up a little and then he slowly slid into her, feeding on her wetness and entering deeply, very tight.

Gwen let out a cry of pleasure and Blake groaned low next to her ear until he was completely inside of her. The sensation of having her enveloping him was incredibly delicious, and for her, the way he filled her up and the way he was throbbing inside of her was second to none.

They stayed that way for a few seconds, just enjoying the way their bodies complemented each other. The perfect fit, the exact measure needed. But Blake soon lunged forward with his hips, burying himself even deeper inside her.

“Fuck… you’re so… fucking delicious." He spoke deliriously, as if he was high on sexual urge. "Fuck."

Gwen just absorbed the compliments and responded with soft moans. She couldn't think straight at that moment because he had started to thrust hard against her body repeatedly. She closed her eyes and dug her nails into the skin on his back, feeling that she was slowly losing control.

“Blake—” She rolled her hips, pressing her lower body against his even more. “Oh fuck, yes." He slowed his pace to hear her better, but she held on to him even more. "More." She asked. 

Blake did as he was told, slamming deep into her once. “You like it like that?" He thrusted even harder, backing up and then slamming his full length in at once again.

Gwen cried out. “Yes, like that.” She was breathless and her nails were digging into his skin another time, on his shoulder now. “Oh fuck… Fuck me hard. ” 

Blake pushed her aside, laying her on the couch, but without moving from inside of her. He was careful enough not to lay on her stomach, so he leaned over her, but holding his own weight with one arm and one knee on the couch. 

He held one of her legs up, and positioned it over his shoulder, with her knee bent. In that position he managed to bury himself even deeper inside her, making her let out more uncontrolled yelps as he fucked her, repeatedly slamming hard against her.

"Oh god, oh god... I'm coming." Gwen was unable to hold that warning when her entire body was overwhelmed by that climax sensation. Her toes curled, she held her breath and Blake's cock throbbing hard inside of her drove her completely crazy. 

“Fuck—” He was dominated by a strong orgasm too.

She felt the warmth of his seeds spreading inside of her at the same time that she was high on her pleasure, indicating that the two of them had gotten there together.

It took them a few seconds to get back to reality, but once they did, they still felt completely satisfied. 

That time there was nothing to worry about after sex. They didn’t have to think about how that could ruin their friendship, because now they were officially in a relationship and sex was one of the many benefits of that. 

“Are you good?” Blake asked once he was able to think straight again.

"Hm... so good." Gwen answered with her voice still a little hoarse. 

She let out a soft chuckle and it did something to his heart, as if he was immediately infected by her happiness and satisfaction. Her eyes were still closed and from where he was, he could see her flushed cheeks and subtle smile, and oh how beautiful she was. 

Blake pulled out, making Gwen gasp for a second because she was still very sensitive, and then he put her leg down and laid beside her on the couch. She pulled her dress down as much as she could and he put an arm around her body. 

"Cold?" He asked quietly, leaving a light kiss on her face.

“What? No, I'm still burning up.” They both laughed. "I'm really hungry, though."

"Breakfast then?" Blake suggested with a smile, although his lips were still touching her skin now and then.

“Your pancakes?" Gwen asked excitedly.

“I was thinking more like eggs, because it’s faster and we can go to sleep after we eat.”

“But your girlfriend wants pancakes.” She stared at him with her bottom lip pointing out.

“Oh my girlfriend gets everything she wants.” Blake faked a very serious face before leaning forward to kiss her. “Pancakes it is.”

“Yay!” Gwen celebrated with excitement.

Blake planted another kiss on her lips before adjusting his clothes to get off the couch. As soon as he got up and went around the counter to enter the kitchen, she stretched out, now with the whole big couch to herself, but as soon as she stretched her legs long enough, her muscle struggled to contort and the pain hit her like a wave of cold water. The brief cry she let out brought Blake back to the couch in 2 seconds.

“What is it? What's wrong?" He ducked down beside her.

“Muscle cramps." Gwen had her hand massaging her calf muscles slowly.

“My god, you almost killed me." Blake blurted out when relief hit him.

Gwen let out a loud laugh. “Breathe, it's ok." She teased. "Damn, you will be terrible in the delivery room, I can already tell."

“Most likely." He agreed while holding her leg and starting to massage it for her.

Blake cooked pancakes, some scrambled eggs, made toast in the toaster, fresh coffee, and poured orange juice into a glass for Gwen, then took everything on a tray to the couch.

After she started eating, he still picked up all the clothes they had scattered on the floor and put them in a bag, only after all that, he joined her for breakfast. 

They ate until they were full and then tiredness hit them hard. Gwen was cuddling with Blake on the couch while he finished drinking his black coffee, but before they had a chance to get up and finally change the lodge scenario for the cabin, the door opened and the lights came on, making them both squint because of the sudden new lighting.

“What are you two still doing here?" A sleepy Adam questioned.

"Oh, did we get in the way of something?" Behati, who came just behind him, asked when she saw the two of them clinging to each other on the couch.

"No, we were just having breakfast." Gwen answered.

“What are you doing awake?" Blake made a point of throwing the spotlight to the other two.

“We are going to watch the sunrise on the lake, remember? We are just going to make some coffee to go. It's already 5 in the morning.” His friend replied as the two newcomers headed for the kitchen. 

“5 am?" Gwen's eyes widened.

"Yes." Behati laughed. She looked much more rested than Adam, despite the look of someone who had just woken up.

“There’s fresh coffee, I just made some.” Blake told them. “Pancakes too.”

“Great.” Adam celebrated and started pouring coffee into both of their travel mugs. “What are you two still doing in yesterday's clothes?"

“Yeah, what did you do all night?" Behati was giggling because the answer to that was pretty obvious, although her husband didn’t seem to have made that connection that fast. 

He seemed really curious, but when he saw Gwen blush and Blake freeze for a few seconds, he understood everything. “Ew, really? In here?”

"You don’t want to know." Blake shook his head and rose from the couch, pulling Gwen with him. "Come on, let's go get some rest." 

They left the other couple with the lodge to themselves and went to cabin number 1, where Gwen was staying and where Blake would stay too now, since it was his cabin in the first place anyway. However, resting was what they ended up not doing for a long time after they got there and were alone again.

They took a shower and had sex against the tiled wall of the shower stall, then they went to bed and Gwen rode Blake until they were exhausted and the sun was already up. Only then they curled up together under the covers and finally fell asleep.

  


***

  


They had just done it again, less then 5 minutes before, and the orgasm was so strong that time that Gwen could still feel her body trembling, but there they were again. 

Blake was sitting on the edge of the bed and she was on his lap, legs spread, as naked as he was. She didn't remember putting any clothes back on since early on that same morning, before they had rested for a while.

And Blake was standing erect again, screaming for some more action as if they hadn’t been doing that all morning since they opened their eyes. But she wasn’t going to be the one to complain. Gwen had never felt so satisfied and hungry at the same time, if that even made any sense.

Maybe it was the pregnancy and the hormones, but she had a huge desire for Blake from the beginning, the difference now was that she didn't have to suppress it anymore. She could take advantage of every second of pleasure. And that was exactly what Gwen was doing.

Her hand slowly slid up and down Blake's full length, rubbing him and using her fingers to put some pressure and stimulate him again. She could clearly hear him groan softly against her lips. They weren't kissing this time, just brushing lightly as if they were addicted to feeling the other’s lips on theirs. In that way they felt each other's breath and heard the moans and sighs that they were causing to one another even better.

“All fours.” Blake suddenly ordered her. His voice deeper and lustful. He slapped her thigh hard to emphasize his urgency. "Now."

Gwen bit her lower lip and nodded.

She got off his lap and crawled on the bed until she was on all fours in the center of it.

"Like this?" She used a provocative tone and rolled her hips to call out to him.

Blake went up on the bed on his knees and came from behind her. He grabbed her hips and tilted his body down to lick a wet path on her inner thigh. It was a mixture of both of their juices that had run down her leg a few minutes earlier, after their previous sexual adventures.

After he took care of that, he got to go exactly where he wanted. Gwen lost her balance slightly as her arms shook, wanting to give in. His tongue touched her and licked a long path over her wetness, slowly and steady, making quite some pressure with its tip. He then penetrated her entrance with it. He kissed her right there, intensely sucking her in while holding her hips firmly and guiding her as he wanted.

Her moans started to sound a bit desperate, just like the way Blake liked the most, so he stopped what he was doing and rose his torso again.

He positioned himself on his knees behind her, holding his cock to her entrance, ready to invade her again, but this time he leaned his torso over her back. 

Blake reached over to grab a handful of her hair, pulling her head back and touching his mouth to her neck. Gwen couldn't help but moan his name over and over again. 

“The noises you make are the best thing I've ever heard." He stopped holding himself and thrusted at once to penetrate her. 

That first movement was harsh and it pushed her forward in such a way that she hit the bed’s headboard.

Blake made a rather loud hoarse groan.

"That's because you fuck me really good." She said, panting between moans.

Already losing control, he started to slam really hard inside her repeatedly. Gwen's arms gave out and her upper body fell against the mattress, but she kept her knees holding her legs and her ass up so they could keep going. 

Blake had one hand on her hip and the other held on to the bed’s headboard, that now was knocking repeatedly against the cabin wall while he was shaking the whole bed when slamming against her to please her and himself the way they both liked. 

Gwen didn't even remember who she was or where they were at that point, she was moaning loudly even with her face buried in the pillow. 

When the climax hit her again — she had lost count of how many times she had come with him just that day — she yelped, whimpering with pleasure as she felt her whole body shudder. She desperately grabbed the sheets and they slid off the end of the bed, loosening and messing up the bedding even more.

Blake felt, saw, and heard the exact moment when Gwen reached orgasm and it drove him crazy. His thrusts became faster, his groans were uncontrollable, and before he knew it, his body was shuddering violently too and he was groaning close to her ear as he poured into her again. 

And there they were, once again panting, sweating, flushed, and exhausted, but completely satisfied. However, it seemed that they were never completely satisfied, at least not that day.

“No more." Gwen gasped, her face still buried in the pillow. 

Blake softly laughed. “You say that and after 5 minutes you are attacking me again." He pointed out, but it wasn’t a complaint at all. His hands carefully held her waist and he turned her over. “Oh, your lip is bleeding, what did I do?”

Gwen took her hand quickly to touch her lower lip and that was the first time that she felt the brief stinging pain.

Her fingers came back stained with blood. “I'm not sure, I think I hit my face on the headboard.” 

"Jesus, I didn't even see that happen." Blake got up from the bed and went to the bathroom, quickly returning from there with a gauze pad in his hands. “Here.”

She was still there, laying in the middle of the mess of sheets in the center of the bed. He sat beside her and carefully wiped her lips, then folded the gauze and pressed lightly on the small cut. It was no big deal, but it would probably be swollen for a few days. 

“I'm sorry." He sighed.

“It's ok, baby, it's just a silly cut." Gwen raised her hand to caress his face.

Blake leaned over to place a kiss on her forehead. “I'm going to the lodge to get the antibiotic." He gave her a clean gauze from his pocket. “Make sure it stops bleeding.”

"Wait." She grabbed his arm. “Can I take a shower? I really just want to sleep for like 30 hours.”

He laughed. “Yes, go take your shower, I'll get you something to eat."

Gwen took a long, warm shower and while she was doing that, Blake went to the lodge and found freshly made sandwiches, but no one was around. Both his truck — which he had lent to Adam — and Mike's weren’t there, which meant his guests were enjoying the day outside the ranch, probably in town. So he texted Adam and Endy asking if they wanted to meet in town later to have dinner together. He knew a great place.

Then he went back to the cabin with their lunch and the medicine for the small cut on Gwen's lip, and his over his eye too. It was around 2 pm. Blake even managed to change the sheets for clean ones and make the bed before Gwen got out of the shower. 

They ate, took care of their cuts and laid down together, this time really sleeping for long hours.

  


***

  


Gwen opened her eyes and everything was dark inside the cabin. The half-open curtain showed a dark orange sky, stained with a few shades of pink. The sun was just finishing setting. 

The clock on the nightstand read 7:47pm and that reminded her that Blake had talked about dinner with their friends. She lost a few seconds looking at the ultrasound pictures of their baby, that were displayed in beautiful picture frames on his nightstand, next to the clock.

Gwen turned to the side and he was still there, sleeping on his back next to her. She smiled and snuggled close to his body, burying her face in the curve of his neck. One of Blake's arms was under her body and his hand rested on her thigh. He smelled so good, like fresh soap, which indicated he had taken a shower too, after she fell asleep.

Gwen kissed Blake's cheek and he caressed her leg lightly, still half asleep. Suddenly, as she became more conscious and awake, she felt a very strong urge to empty her bladder, which was about to burst, so she broke the embrace they were in and slid over to the side until she reached the edge of the bed and got up.

Blake opened his eyes and looked at her, somewhat confused.

"I really need to pee." She told him, laughing. "And it's late, didn't you say we were going to dinner?"

“Huh?" He looked at his bedside clock and it almost made him jump out of bed.

Blake sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his eyes. 

He looked at Gwen as she walked around the bed to the bathroom door. 

“You brought 2 suitcases and you're wearing my t-shirt." He didn’t fail to notice and obviously couldn’t fail to point it out either. 

She laughed out loud before disappearing in the other room.

Gwen's entire body protested when she walked from the bed to the bathroom — which was not a long walk at all. Her muscles ached as if she had overdone it at the gym, and in a way she had done just that. There was also a slight burning sensation between her legs, which she knew very well what it was. She didn’t exaggerate only in the exercises, but in everything else.

Blake picked up his phone and called Adam. 

"Hey man, where are you guys?” He asked, still sleepy, as soon as his friend picked up. “We just woke up, so it will take a little longer. What do you say we get take out?”

"Blake?" Gwen called from the bathroom, but he was paying attention to Adam who was answering his question about dinner. "Blake!"

“Hold on a second." Blake had to interrupt what his friend was saying on the other end of the line. “Yeah?"

"Oh my god..."

"Gwen??" He got up from the bed. "I'll call you back, Adam." And he hung up the phone without waiting for an answer.

A second later he was at the bathroom door. Gwen was sitting on the toilet, holding a bloody piece of toilet paper. 

"Can you bring me my bag?" She asked when she looked at him, trying to fake a normal tone, but her face was paler than normal. 

"What is this? You're bleeding." He moved restlessly at the door, not knowing exactly how to deal with that strong anxiety pain in his chest. “Where did that blood come from? Is it about the baby?”

"I don’t know." She replied, but it wasn’t entirely true. She was starting to freak out slightly as well. "Possibly."

“Was it me? Did I do that? I did that, right?”

“Blake!" Gwen had to raise her tone a little. “I'm trying to think and I can't. You are not helping.” Her voice broke on the last sentence, and even if she didn't want to, she started to cry. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m sorry.” Blake approached her quickly to rub her back and made sure to swallow his own fears and anxiety to comfort her. “I’m really sorry. I’m here for you, what do you need?”

"I'm trying to remember the last time I felt the baby kicking and I can't." Gwen cried, leaning her head on his arm.

"The baby kicked when I was talking to it, remember? At the lake." He thought he was helping a lot when he gave her that information, but it made Gwen sob and cry even more.

“I know, but that was last night, Blake. That was last night.” She sniffed and took a deep breath, trying to control herself. "The baby is too quiet and now I'm bleeding again."

"Ok, I'm taking you to a hospital, come on." He put his arm around her shoulders.

“No." She refused. "I don’t want to get up. What if I'm having a miscarriage?"

"You are not.” Blake quickly refused that idea, but it absolutely freaked him out. “Come on, we have to go. You are the one who is not helping now.” He insisted and stayed there firmly until Gwen nodded in agreement.

  


***

  


“But really, Blake? Was there no other doctor available in this whole town?” Gwen complained between her teeth again as Vince, the groom from the previous night's wedding, entered the hospital room and closed the door.

"I knew that Vince would see us right away, and that he only goes on his honeymoon on Monday, so it's perfect." Blake explained to her, but it wasn’t the first time. “Plus I needed a ride. I told you Adam has my truck.”

"Ah yes, perfect." She shot him a displeased look, which Blake didn't understand, but there was no time to explain anything, because Vince had already approached the bed where Gwen was lying and Blake was standing beside her. 

Blake’s friend had been friendly and attentive to both of them since he picked them up, but in that moment he decided to get to the point quickly. "Gwen, I just reviewed your exam and it looks like you have a minor cervix irritation, but that's all.”

“A what? What does that mean?” It was Blake who asked. 

“Gwen's cervix is remodeling. This is a process that every woman goes through during pregnancy. It’s opening up and becoming tender, that means it’s more vulnerable.” Vince explained, but his friend still didn't seem to understand, so he turned to the patient. "When was the last time you had sex, Gwen?"

"What?" She opened her eyes wide.

“Hm... Sex?" Vince seemed confused.

Gwen just stared at him, frozen in place. 

"A few hours ago." Blake answered the question because he thought he would have to know if he was going to handle that case. But if he was honest, he had to say he kind of understood now why she was so mad that he asked Vince that favor. “But we were doing it since last night."

Gwen narrowed her eyes at him, wanting to kill him with her gaze because of the extra unnecessary information.

"I'm just saying, maybe we overdid it a little." He explained to her why he said that.

“Maybe. It’s possible." Vince agreed. “As I said, your cervix has a minor irritation and it is probably because it is more vulnerable to your partner's thrusts.” Gwen held her breath and Blake giggled like a 6th grader. “It's nothing serious, it's just a little bleeding and it doesn’t hurt the baby at all.”

This was Gwen's fourth pregnancy, but she had never seen or experienced anything like that, but it didn't surprise her at all. She had never had that much sex during pregnancy, so it was normal that it never happened to her before. Honestly, she didn't remember having sex at all during pregnancy, at least not after her baby bump was showing enough, like it was now.

“I knew it was my fault. Everything is always my fault.” Blake threw a self-deprecating joke in there. "But that is a relief, then.”

“But I thought that maybe we should see the baby anyway." Blake's friend said.

“Yes please." Gwen quickly agreed.

While Vince prepared everything for the ultrasound and brought some equipment on wheels near the hospital bed, Gwen lifted the shirt she was wearing and exposed her small bump.

“You said 18 weeks, right?" He asked while putting his gloves on. They both nodded.

Vince spread the clear gel over her lower stomach and ran the wand over it. Blake was holding Gwen’s right hand in both his hands, her skin was cold and it made it clear that she was still scared and probably didn't believe 100 percent of his friend's word.

The images soon appeared on the screen, but the first thing that all three identified was the fast heartbeat that sounded on the monitor. Gwen finally breathed a sigh of relief. Blake took her hand to his lips to kiss it lightly.

“It sounds like a strong, steady heartbeat to me. Your baby is doing very well.” Vince said.

“Thank God." With her free hand, she wiped away a stubborn tear that insisted on falling down her face.

"Look how big it is." Blake said, delighted as he always was when participating in those exams. He had been there since the first time they saw the baby and the changes and growth never failed to amaze him. “That’s my baby mango.”

"You see? Its legs are crossed, one over the other.” Vince zoomed in. “And can you see the little fingers? It has its hand resting on its cheek. I think it’s sleeping.” He laughed. “That's it, you two kept it up all night, so the baby is resting now.”

"It's ok, it will have a lot of chances to take revenge by not letting us sleep after it is born." Gwen laughed too.

Blake couldn't help but laughing too, but his eyes never left the baby’s silhouette on the screen. “It has little fingers. Look at that cheek.” He could look at it forever. “Hey, can I have a picture of it, Vince?” 

“Sure, Blake.”

While they sighed and talked about the baby, Vince had lowered the wand some more to investigate something else. 

“So, baby is fine. Now, did you know that your placenta is getting really close to the cervix? It is almost on the verge of being a marginal placenta previa.” He was talking to Gwen now.

“What does that mean?" Again, Blake was quicker to ask.

“No, I didn’t know." Gwen answered the doctor's question.

"It's not a big deal right now, but your placenta is still going to grow bigger, so your regular doctor should keep an eye open for this." He told her and then turned to Blake. “Placenta previa is a pregnancy complication where the placenta implants low in the uterus and covers the cervix, blocking the birth canal, which can affect how your baby comes into the world.”

"It seems very serious." Blake was paying attention to what Vince said now.

"It means c-section." Gwen said, with a long sigh. “That's what it means." 

“In most cases. The best ones too.” Vince pulled the wand away and wiped the gel off Gwen's stomach. “But the important thing is to watch it and make sure everything is going as planned. Most cases of placenta previa discovered this early end up in safe delivery and healthy babies, but I’m not diagnosing you, you’re not quite there yet, and it might be just fine weeks from now. Your doctor will probably wait until the third trimester to actually know for sure, but that can mean more bleeding accidents, so I don’t want you to get scared, ok?” He told her. “You just have to go to the hospital if you happen to bleed a lot, so they can monitor the baby.” 

“It will be fine.” Blake said, hopeful. “Thank you so much, Vince, especially for seeing us this fast and picking us up.”

“I’m sorry I punched Danny and ruined your wedding reception.” Gwen ended up suddenly blurting that out and even seemed scared that it came out of her mouth out of nowhere, but the truth was that it had been bothering her since she saw Vince again.

Blake laughed.

"It's ok, Danny can be an asshole sometimes." His friend replied, laughing too. “He's fine, by the way. If it weren't for the swollen nose, he wouldn't even remember the punch. He still says it was Blake, though.”

They laughed at that for a few minutes, Blake and Vince much more than Gwen, who was still bothered by that situation, but the relief of that night — after all that weekend that seemed like a crazy roller coaster — had nothing to do with Danny’s state or his alcoholic amnesia, it was about their baby, who was sleeping at that very moment, with its legs crossed and its small delicate hand on its cute cheek, healthy and comfortable. Unbothered. That was enough for her. Whatever it was that was still to come, they would deal with it later, when they had to, and they would do it together. 

Blake looked at Gwen and smiled briefly.

Vince had just walked away to add some things to her medical chart. She would have to stay there until they were absolutely sure that the bleeding had stopped completely.

Gwen just looked back at Blake, which made him fear that that whole conversation had scared her.

"Are you alright?" His smile faded away when he asked that.

She nodded. "Our baby has little fingers."

That sentence alone was enough to make him smile big again. “And chubby cheeks." They laughed together.

"I love you." She whispered, in an almost impossible to hear low tone, but Blake heard it.

“I love you too.” His heart even hurt because of the overwhelming affection he felt for her.

And he was so happy that he could burst. Blake _never_ felt that way. Neither did Gwen. Happiness for her always had a deadline, and that was her biggest fear then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥭♥️


	26. Imma need a love that’s stronger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I just wanted to go ahead and say thank you to everyone who has been reading this story since the beginning and to everyone who started later or just got here too. It doesn’t matter, just: THANK YOU! 
> 
> No this is not a “the story is ending” note. We are still actually just in the middle of it. And by that I mean we still have at least 20 more chapters to go. Let that sink in.

The house was so calm and quiet, but it was the kind of tranquility that indicated that the mess would happen soon, and they knew it because those were the last hours they would have to spend alone, just the two of them, before Blake had to leave and the kids would get home.

They came back from Oklahoma that morning and stayed at Blake’s rented house for a couple of hours. He was supposed to just take Gwen home and come back, but ended up staying with her there for the whole day, as if they didn’t spend the whole weekend together already.

They had just finished having dinner — after a calm day, just organizing the house for when the kids get there and spending quality time together — and now they were cleaning the kitchen and the dishes. Gwen was placing the pasta and the alfredo sauce in glass containers to keep the rest of the food in the fridge and not waste it, and Blake was taking the dirty dishes off the table and loading the dishwasher.

' _Harvest Moon_ ' by Neil Young played in low volume on the sound system, and she murmured the lyrics she could remember under her breath while waving her head a little to the slow beat of it, enjoying the music. 

Blake just watched her for a second. Gwen was wearing jeans and a light pink sweatshirt — anyone in Los Angeles would think it was a crazy idea to wear a sweatshirt in June, but the air conditioning in the house was keeping the weather very cool inside. — she was also barefoot and with very light makeup. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, with strands falling down her face, in front of her ears and behind her neck.

She was so simply dressed, yet so absolutely beautiful. He thought about all the little things he had learned about her that weekend and since returning from Oklahoma that morning. Basic things, like the way she liked to walk barefoot inside her house, the way she curled and pinned her hair up in a fast and skillful way when she got tired of it falling in her face, or the way she couldn't stand still when music was playing. 

Gwen was his girlfriend for only 2 days, but Blake felt a connection with her that he had never felt before, with anyone else. He had also learned that the way that sometimes just looking at her took his breath away had nothing to do with the dazzling beauty that she was, or the thousands of possibilities they now had, since they were in a relationship, it was a consequence of the overwhelming feeling he felt for her. It was something very strong, but not in a bad, suffocating way, it was good and stable and it made him feel really hopeful. 

"What are you looking at?" Before he knew it, she was talking to him.

“My _girlfriend_." He said, with a soft smile. “And she is so beautiful."

“Stop it." Gwen laughed. “My hair is a mess and I’m wearing a sweatshirt. I don’t even have shoes on.”

“So?” He loaded the two dirty dishes he was carrying in the dishwasher and then came up behind her.

His two hands touched her shoulders and he massaged them lightly while Gwen was focused on closing the food container’s lid. His fingers went down her arms until his hands touched the side of her body and stopped at her waist. Blake caressed her lightly while his lips planted light kisses on the exposed curve of her neck.

Gwen put the container aside and washed her hands with a satisfied smile on her face while she was receiving affection and all his attention at the same time.

"I think it's time for me to go." Blake said quietly. Lips near her ear. “I have to check on Betty and release the pet sitter." 

She turned off the faucet and shook her wet hands before wrapping them in a clean dish towel. After drying them, she turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“No, don't go. Stay.” Gwen whined, standing on her tiptoes to plant kisses along his jaw line.

“But the kids will be here soon." Blake rubbed her back lightly, and she put her hand under his shirt to do the same, directly against his skin. 

“So? It's ok, isn't it?” She asked, lifting her head up to look at him and seeming somewhat uncertain for the first time that day. "It's a serious relationship, isn't it?"

“Yes, of course it is." He responded quickly, before he gave her the wrong idea. "Of course." But Blake still seemed to be deeply thinking about something.

"What is it then?” Gwen quickly realized that there was something deeper in his line of thought.

“I am not sure." Blake shrugged and took a deep breath, letting go of the kind of embrace they found themselves in. “They are kids. What if they don't like me because they think I'm getting in the way of something? You know what I mean? Their parents are getting a divorce.”

"What?" She looked at him with a confused facial expression. "Is that how you feel?"

"No, it's not how I feel, but they are kids. They don’t understand it the way we do." He explained himself. "What if they don't like me?" 

Gwen took one of her hands to lightly caress Blake's face. As much as she knew that thought was silly, she didn't verbalize it, because she understood it. After all, she was the one who ruined the beginning of her first trip to Oklahoma locked in the cabin because she was afraid Blake’s sister wouldn’t like her. She also spent hours overthinking about meeting his childhood friends at the wedding. But it was different when it came to Blake. Everybody loved him. 

“My kids love you, Blakey. They already do. ”

“I'm sorry, this is just all new for me." He took a deep breath again. 

Gwen smiled at him. “It's fine." 

Blake wrapped his arms around her again and leaned down to kiss her lips, then he rested his forehead lightly on hers.

"I don't know, I just know that when I'm with you, everything seems perfectly fine." He confessed, his eyes were closed and his lips softly brushed against hers. “I want to feel like this forever.”

"I want you to feel that way forever, because that's how I feel too." Gwen kissed his lips again, still caressing his face. “Will you stay?"

"Yes, I will stay." He smiled between her lips. “I want to, really bad." 

Blake's arms around Gwen's waist tightened and he pulled her closer to him. They were soon wrapped in a tight hug again, with her arms around his neck. Their lips searched for each other and embarked on an affectionate kiss that was only interrupted when the intercom sounded over the entire kitchen.

“The babies are home." Gwen happily celebrated and moved away to go towards the monitor that showed the image of the camera that was in front of the house’s gate.

She confirmed it was Gavin's car and then opened it for them to get in. 

Blake felt a little nervous and it took him a few seconds to follow her when she headed for the hall. He stayed a little further away, at the the living room entrance, somewhat uncomfortable and anxious, more than he would have liked. 

Gwen didn't even think, as soon as she saw the older boys running towards the door she opened it, and Zuma was the first to reach her, at full speed.

"Mommy!!!" The boy hugged her excitedly. “I missed you."

"Oh my baby!" She hugged him back, very tight and with the same excitement. “Oh how I missed you. I'm so glad you're back home."

Zuma looked up with a smile and rested his chin on her small baby bump. “Hi baby." He kissed her stomach and caressed it with his little fingers. “I’ve missed you too.” He whispered quietly, as if it was a secret just for siblings. 

Gwen stroked the boy's hair. "My sweet little boy."

Kingston came right behind his brother, but he stopped at the door, freezing like he was scared. She soon realized that her eldest son was looking over her shoulder at something that was behind her, and a brief turn of the neck made her realize that he was looking at Blake.

“S-should I tell Daddy not to come in? He's bringing Apollo in because he’s out.” The boy didn't look angry or like he was about to freak out, he looked really terrified and his voice was even shaking a bit.

“No honey, it’s ok. Are you alright?" Gwen replied and asked, very worried about the way he was acting. 

She didn’t even think about Gavin when she asked Blake to stay. Honestly, she rarely thought of Gavin when she was with Blake.

"Blake!" Zuma's eyes widened in surprise when he saw him, farther back near the living room, and with a smile he let go of his mother and ran towards his friend.

"Hey, little buddy." Blake bent down to greet him with a hug. 

“I didn’t know you were here.” Zuma had an even more excited voice tone. “This is the best day ever!”

Gwen turned her attention back to her eldest son when the other two started a conversation.

"Dad doesn't like Blake." Kingston said. “He'll get mad."

"Come here." His mother called him and motioned for him to enter the house. The boy went in and approached her, so she soon wrapped her arms around him. "It's ok. He won’t be mad. He can’t be mad.” Gwen kissed the top of his forehead.

The door that was closing was pushed open again and Gavin came in with Apollo leaning against his chest, his head resting on his shoulder. 

“Hey, how was the trip? Can you help me here?” He carried the youngest boy on one shoulder and three backpacks on the other.

"I can't, sorry." Gwen let go of Kingston. "Something happened over the weekend and the doctor told me that I have to take it easy." She said, but without explaining exactly what had happened. “I can take Apollo, though."

“What happened?" Gavin asked, taking a step into the house to hand Apollo to her, but he too froze on the way, just as Kingston had done before. And his eyes also focused on Blake. "What the fuck is he doing here?"

"Hey, language." Gwen complained. “He's hanging out with me. It's my house, I can invite whoever I want to come here.”

"It's my house too." Gavin raised his voice and Apollo lifted his head up in fright. 

Gwen immediately recalled the conversation she had had with Kingston in the kitchen a few weeks ago, when she told the boy that she was going to divorce Gavin. She clearly remembered that he insisted that that house belonged to his father too.

“Have you been telling Kingston to say that to me?" She asked suddenly. "Have you been influencing him to be mean to me?"

“What?" Gavin asked, looking offended, but also defensive, as if he was caught. "Ok, if he is staying then we are leaving. I’m taking my kids with me.”

“You are the only one who is leaving.” Gwen was very clear.

“Come on, King, get back in the car." His father ordered. “Zuma, come on, we're leaving." 

“What? No!" The middle boy cried. “I just got here. I want to stay.” 

Kingston started to move, but Gwen held his shoulder.

“My kids are not going anywhere." She said, her voice almost sounding like a snarl and she had, apparently, ran out of patience. “Blake, can you take the boys upstairs? Gavin and I have to talk.” She took a step forward and Gavin stepped back, moving Apollo away from her. "If you do this again, I will call the police." She warned him in a low tone.

When Gwen approached again, he stood still, and she managed to grab her baby. The younger boy clung to her like a terrified koala, and she rubbed his back lightly as she turned and carried him over to Blake. Initially, Apollo was reluctant, but she managed to hand him over to Blake. The baby looked at his mother with a sad face and his lower lip trembled before he started a low and painful cry.

“I'm sorry, baby. Mommy will be with you soon, don't cry.” It broke her heart, but instead of freaking out, Blake took the little boy into his big arms and hugged him.

Apollo sniffed and laid his head on Blake’s chest, stopping his cry little by little.

"Are you sure everything will be ok?" He asked her, and he wasn't talking about the kids or leaving them alone with him, he was talking about her alone down there with Gavin. 

“I'll be fine." Gwen knew exactly what he was asking, and she assured him that it would be ok. “Close the door up there." 

“Ok. Come on, buddy. ” Blake held out his hand to Zuma and the boy immediately took it.

“Go with him, King, please." Gwen asked her eldest son.

Kingston looked over to Gavin for a moment, then looked down and stared at the floor. 

"Sorry, dad." He joined Blake, Zuma, and Apollo and the four of them went up the stairs together, until they disappeared on the second floor.

"What is it, Gwen?" Gavin asked, angrily throwing the backpacks on the couch. He was still looking up the stairs, hoping at least Kingston would come back down and leave with him.

"We need to talk." She said.

“I don't have time for your shit. I will take my kids back.”

"Forget it, you won't." Gwen was very clear again. Gavin seemed really annoyed, and even though he said he didn't want to talk, she knew he wouldn’t be able to stay quiet, so she just waited a few seconds.

"Are you two fucking again?" He asked, sounding like he was disgusted. “Wasn't he dating a reporter recently? For fucks sake, Gwen, you’re disgusting. Are you letting him come here to fuck you whenever he wants?”

"I think it's great when you talk about things you have absolutely no idea about." Gwen mocked, but without making it very clear. “It just doesn't sound very smart, so maybe you should stop."

"You're avoiding the important subject here." He frowned even more.

“Am I? Sorry, I don’t mean to. I actually really want to talk about it.” She spoke in an obvious fake interested tone.

“Do you now?” He tried to mock her too. “Then tell me, are you two fucking?”

“Oh yeah… a lot.” Gwen quickly confirmed it. “But that’s not the important subject here. What I wanted you to know is that Blake is not going anywhere.” She didn't want to take long to say what she had to say, but she also knew it would cause problems. Not that she cared at that point. "He is my boyfriend."

"He is what?” She saw when Gavin's face started to turn red, but instead of showing any feeling of anger or frustration, he started to laugh wildly. "Boyfriend? You are aware that you are still married to me, are you not?” The way he laughed made him seem crazy, and it was even a little scary in Gwen's opinion. “Boyfriend... You have a husband."

"The only reason I'm still married to you is because you don't want to sign the divorce papers." She said, rolling her eyes.

“Are you stupid or something? Don't you realize that we should be trying to save our family? Don't you realize that we have small children and another one on the way and that we should be fucking trying for them?”

“I’ve already done that. I tried for them. And what did you do? You went back and fucked the nanny again. I'm sick and tired of you and I don't want to try anything anymore.” Now Gwen had for sure lost the patience she had been insisting on before, and her voice had increased in volume. "To hell you and your mistress."

"I can't deal with you and your tantrums anymore." Gavin rolled his eyes and turned away from her. “And this fucking conversation again and again. I’m fucking tired of it.”

"Oh I have news for you, you don't have to deal with me at all anymore, just sign the divorce papers." She insisted.

"I'm not going to sign shit until you take this fucking paternity test, I already said that, so shut the fuck up." He yelled at her.

"It's fine." Gwen was back to being patient, her voice was calm and not at all disturbed anymore. "Since you are not going to sign the papers, then you will not be taking my children from me anymore, because there is no judge forcing me to hand them over to you." She explained, centered and to the point.

That was something she had thought about for a long time and wasn’t really planning on doing, but since Gavin wasn’t cooperating, she also had cards up her sleeve.

“What? Now you want to forbid me to see my children?” He seemed shocked by that statement.

“I didn't say that I'm going to forbid you from anything. You know where they are and you are invited to visit them whenever you want. But you will spend a few hours with them, not 2 weeks and you are definitely not taking them with you. There is nothing and no one who can force me to hand them over to you until a judge decides that I have to do it.”

"You are fucking crazy." He shook his head. “You will regret this. I will take these children from you and you will never be able to see them again.”

"I am not afraid of your threats." Gwen shrugged. “There is no judge in this world who will take my children from me and hand them over to a lying manipulator like you to raise them. You destroyed their family.”

Gavin closed his hands in tight fists and took a step towards her.

Gwen didn't even move. “Now are you going to hit me? Me, a pregnant woman, the mother of your children?” She teased, narrowing her eyes, but he had already stopped halfway. "Please, do it. It will look very good for you in court.”

"Fuck you." Gavin muttered under his breath. "I'm leaving, but I will come back with a warrant from a judge to take my kids with me forever."

"Sure thing." Gwen paid no attention to that. “But don't forget to sign the papers, so I can get rid of you."

“You will pay for this." He threatened. The more she mocked, the angrier he got, and she was living for it.

"Okay, close the door on your way out." She even waved in his direction and Gavin took one last threatening look at her, before leaving the house, slamming the door behind him.

After he walked out the door, Gwen took a deep breath and searched for the nearest chair to sit on. For some reason, being firm and unfriendly to Gavin was still something that drained all of her energy, as if she still had that inclination and need to be good to him all the time, because that was a feeling that was embedded in the depths of her soul since she married him.

She felt weak after that fight, and felt like she needed to throw up. Her stomach was suddenly very upset, and the baby was agitated.

"It's ok. We are ok." Gwen repeated it several times while slowly rubbing her baby bump. 

She sat in that armchair in the hall for long minutes, until the fluttering in her stomach calmed down, then she stood up and went upstairs. 

She wasn't sure where Blake had taken the kids, but she figured he would let Kingston guide them, since the boy was the oldest, so the first place she looked was in his room. And she found them as soon as she opened the door slowly. 

King was sitting at the table, playing video games, and behind him, Blake was huddled on the boy's single bed, with his legs out because he simply didn't fit there. Zuma was sleeping in one of his arms, with his head lying on his shoulder and Blake was holding him tight against his body. Apollo was also completely out on his chest, with one hand holding tight to his ear. The most intriguing detail was that the adult who held them so tightly and so comfortably, also had his eyes closed and his breathing calm, sleeping as if he was completely used to it and as if that position wasn’t obviously uncomfortable for him.

"What happened here?" She whispered as she went through the door. 

King lifted his head to look at her. "Blake was reading a book to distract us, but Zuma and Apollo fell asleep, so I said he could stop." He told her.

“I see." She approached the bed and took the open book that was on top of Apollo's little body.

The younger boy sighed deeply and stretched his arms, then Blake unconsciously rubbed his back until he stopped moving again. Gwen smiled and watched them for a few seconds.

“He did a great job." Kingston interrupted her thoughts.

"He did, didn't he?" She put the book down on the nightstand and approached her son. “He's a very good guy."

“I know, I like him." King still had his attention on the video game. 

Gwen sat down on the armchair next to the table, so the boy looked up to look at her.

“Are you alright? Why did you have to go see a doctor over the weekend?” He asked. 

“Oh, don't worry about it. I'm pregnant, pregnant women have to go to the doctor all the time.” Gwen decided not to scare him, because it really was nothing to worry about. 

“So the baby is ok, right?" Kingston turned off the video game and gave her his full attention.

"Yes, the baby is fine." She smiled at him. “It was moving a lot just now. Kicking like crazy.”

“Really? Can I feel it?" The boy stood up excitedly.

"You can try, but I don't think you can feel it yet." She patted the empty space beside her on the armchair, inviting him. Kingston joined her, sitting down next to her. 

She took his hand and guided it to the lower part of her baby bump. “Do you feel anything?" 

“No." The boy replied, somewhat upset. “Why can’t I feel it? I felt it when Apollo was in there.”

"It's too early, puppy." Gwen stroked his hair while Kingston still had his hand on her small bump. “The baby is still too small."

"This size?" He placed his hands parallel to each other to indicate the size.

“More like... this size." She closed the distance between his palms. 

“Ok, it's still too small." He agreed as if he needed that scale to understand and now it finally made sense. 

Gwen nodded and put an arm around her son to hug him. King laid his head on her shoulder and the two of them stared at Blake, Zuma, and Apollo sleeping curled up in the older boy's bed.

“I’m praying for a girl this time.” Kingston said, his hand still over her stomach. “Remember when I prayed for a brother and Apollo was born?”

She smiled. “Yes I remember. I still think you have a direct line to God.”

The boy softly chuckled, but then he got serious again. “Does it hurt?”

“What, baby?”

“When the baby kicks you?” 

“Oh I can barely feel it now, but it will get quite annoying later.” Gwen laughed. “But no, it doesn’t really hurt. You kicked me too when you were in there and just a little baby getting strong and bigger.”

Kingston looked at his mother with a wistful and somewhat sentimental look, as if he was sad. His arms wrapped around her in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry if I was mean to you. I didn’t mean to.” He hid his face behind her arm.

That took her aback. “No, baby, it’s ok.” She hugged him back, as tightly and he was hugging her. 

“You told dad I was mean and I was, I know that. But I don’t want to be.” At that point, he was crying and it was breaking her heart in many little pieces. “I will never be mean to you again, I promise. I will be good.”

“Oh puppy.” Gwen fought back the tears that wanted to run down her face as she lifted his chin up so he would look at her. “You’re such a good boy. I love you so much.” She leaned down to kiss his face many times and then she brushed all his tears away.

“I love you too.” He sniffed and hugged her again.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Zuma let out a long sigh, followed by some indecipherable words. He was the one who spoke in his sleep, there was always one. The other two laughed, making a great effort not to wake them all up.

"Ok, I think we should get them to their beds, right?" Gwen was still softly laughing and the boy nodded, so they got up together.

“Mom?" He called her and she turned to look at him. “You and dad aren't going to be together anymore, are you?"

Gwen was already a few steps ahead, but she went back near him. “No baby. We’ve talked about it, remember?”

"Yeah, I was just making sure." Kingston said. She knew he must be very confused by the different information that came from her and his father. “So Blake is your boyfriend now?" 

Gwen felt a shiver go up her spine. She didn't really want to talk about it that night, but she wasn't going to lie to him. He was very smart, too smart even.

"Yes, King." She took his hand and stroked the boy's palm and fingers. "Blake is my boyfriend, and I understand if this is weird for you now."

“A little weird." He confirmed it. “But I think everything will be fine, right?" Kingston seemed uncertain, as if he needed that confirmation badly.

"Everything will be just fine." She stroked his hair and planted a kiss on the top of his forehead. "Can you guide Zuma to his room?" The boy nodded and went around the bed, but she remembered something else that she should ask him. "Hey King, do you feel uncomfortable?"

“What do you mean?" He asked.

“With Blake here. Does it make you feel uncomfortable?” She rephrased the question. “Because if you feel uncomfortable in anyway, I can hangout with him somewhere else until you feel better. He doesn't have to be here.”

Kingston seemed to think about it for a short while, but then he shrugged. "No, mom, I think it is fine as it is." He said. "I don't really mind, and the little ones like him a lot, so it's fine." King finished saying, but still had time to add something else. “We all like him."

Gwen just nodded and smiled. “Look at you, all grown up. I’m so proud.”

She didn't want to demonstrate that it was such a big deal for her, but it was. She wanted to act like it was natural so he would also act normal, and it worked, because Kingston approached the bed and woke his middle brother gently, then helped him to his feet.

Gwen approached to support behind Apollo’s back, in case Blake would wake up startled and maybe jump out of bed, but instead, he just opened his eyes slowly and carefully made sure that the baby in his arms was completely safe, wrapping him with both of them.

"It's ok, I'll get him." She whispered to him, taking Apollo in her arms soon after.

The boy grunted a little and even seemed like he was going to cry, but she rocked him lightly until he went back to sleep. 

“Thank you.” She mouthed to Blake before also leaving the room behind Kingston and Zuma.

  


***

  


Gwen took a long time putting the boys to sleep. Zuma didn't even really wake up, but Apollo took a long time to fall asleep again and she had to make a bottle for him to finally settle. Then she checked on Kingston and made sure he was also in bed. Just then she went down to the living room, where she found Blake again.

"The kids got you good, huh?" She laughed as she approached him, and Blake welcomed her with his arms already open for a tight hug.

She snuggled into that embrace and closed her eyes. He pressed his lips to her forehead and lightly caressed her back.

“How was the conversation? Are you ok?" He asked in a very low tone. “Sorry for falling asleep when I was supposed to be watching the kids, I'm still exhausted. This weekend was… something else.” He let out a soft chuckle.

“It was, wasn't it?" She laughed too. “No, you were amazing with them. And the conversation wasn’t pleasant, but I said everything I wanted and needed to say. He knows that you are my boyfriend now and I hope he doesn't get involved with us anymore.”

"He accepted it?" Blake pulled his face away a little, to look at her.

“He has no other choice." Gwen shrugged, still snuggled against his chest. “I talked about the divorce papers again, but he’s being a jerk about it.”

"That man… he is unbelievable." Blake sighed heavily.

"Don't worry about him." Gwen lifted her face to look at him, resting her chin on his chest. “King said you did a great job with them. I mean, reading and making the two younger ones sleep that easy? I think I may need you every night.”

He laughed softly. “What if I told you I didn't know exactly what I was doing? I just did what I thought I should do. I wanted to distract them, that's all.”

"You were great, thank you." Gwen smiled and Blake leaned down a little to kiss her lips in an affectionate way. “Not every man has this instinct, especially not with children. You will be such an amazing father.” She stroked his face slowly.

He kissed her lips again and again, fighting the terrifying but amazing feeling he felt every time something reminded him Gwen was growing his baby inside of her. “You are a wonderful mother."

"And they love you, didn't I tell you?" She softly chuckled too. "King said they all love you."

Blake's lips curved into a big smile. “Apollo was very good for me. And Zuma… my God that child is the sweetest boy I’ve ever met in my life.”

“He is, isn't he?" Gwen laughed.

“Yes, he reminds me of you a lot. So caring and with such a genuinely good personality.”

"Aw.” She pouted and he kissed her again. 

“And King was quiet, but he was friendly too.” Blake said, about her oldest one. Something made him look at the clock on the wall. It was past 10:30pm. "I should get going now." She whined and squeezed him even more in that hug. He laughed. “I can't believe you're not tired of me yet."

"And is that even possible?" She laughed too.

“Oh believe me, it is very possible. You will know soon.” He continued to sabotage himself.

“Shh." Gwen covered his mouth with one of her hands. “You talk too much. Let’s just make out. Then I'll let you go home. How about that?”

“Sounds great to me." Blake immediately agreed and his hands pulled her around the waist, closer to his body. 

His lips touched hers next, and they both forgot any problems that had happened that night or any other day. He even forgot that he intended to go home before it was too late. It was already late, and Blake ended up staying longer than he had planned. Way longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blake = big daddy energy


	27. I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite

"Hm… Oh my God this is the most delicious ice cream cake I've ever eaten." Gwen moaned softly as she enjoyed the dessert that had just been served. 

"I told you. I never lie." Jen, who was her company that lunch, made a point of proudly remembering that the idea of eating in that new restaurant was hers. " I had dinner here with Todd and the kids over the weekend and the food was just as amazing as it was today."

“It is a great new place. Very family friendly. I loved our amazing lunch, thank you, Sis.” Apollo held out his little hand towards his mom again, muttering. "I'm not so sure about you eating that much sugar, Apollo." Gwen frowned, but took some of the ice cream cake with a small spoon and fed it to him.

The boy opened his mouth and delighted in the sugary content, even licking his lips afterwards.

"You should bring Blake here one day." Jen told her, while wiping Leo's face, she was also sharing dessert with her baby.

“Oh no, Blake and I aren't doing things like that yet. It would be very public and we are still experiencing a huge drama with Gavin not wanting to sign the papers and the tabloids making up a different terrible story about us every week.” She rolled her eyes as she explained.

"But haven't you said publicly that you're getting divorced?" Her sister-in-law wanted to know.

“Yeah, but getting a divorce is different from being divorced, though." Gwen said. "And Blake hasn't finished his divorce yet either." She sighed deeply and fed another spoonful of ice cream cake to Apollo, who was grumbling again. “I know that I'm going out and exposing my pregnancy and that's not ideal, but it's not like I can leave the baby bump at home, and I'm going to go crazy if I have to be stuck there." She leaned her back on the chair and rubbed her 22 week baby bump.

The bump was much more rounded and clearly bigger now. It was slowly positioning higher on her stomach, and it was getting really hard to hide it.

“I don’t think you have to stay locked in, Sissy. I also don't think you should live your life hiding and not enjoying the good things you have because of what people are going to say.” Jen honestly told her. "But I understand. What matters is that you are happy. Are you happy?"

Gwen thought about that for a few seconds. “This is a very difficult question. My life is crazy and I never thought that I would find myself where I am now, in any aspect.” She said, in a rather playful way, as if it was funny, but then she lowered her voice to explain. “I mean, getting a divorce, pregnant again, with a new boyfriend, being the main subject of the tabloids? Is that really me?” The two softly laughed. “But yes... I'm happy. I don't even remember the last time I felt this happy.” She confessed, but just because it was just her sister-in-law.

"Aw sissy." Jen smiled at her. "I am really happy about that too."

"Blake loves me, and it makes a huge difference in my life." Gwen said, but she wasn't really talking to Jen, she was thinking out loud. “I am healthy, the baby is healthy, my kids are healthy, sweet, loving and kind... And they love Blake. He loves them too.”

"You didn't think it was possible, did you?" Her sister-in-law asked, but already knew the answer. "After all that rat did to you."

Gwen shook her head, confirming that she never even dreamed that happiness like that could really be achieved by her. “I thought I deserved that. That's what he told me for years.” She looked quickly at Apollo, but the boy was distracted by the toy that was over his high chair tray. She brought her voice down again. “That I would never find anyone better. But I did. And sometimes I think this is what I really deserve.”

"And it's what you deserve, Sissy.” Jen reached for Gwen's hand on the table and squeezed it lightly. "I hope you always remember that this is what you deserve." She said. “Blake seems like a nice guy, but if he is ever less than what you deserve, I hope you know what to do. But I will always be here to punch him in the face if you need me to.” 

Gwen almost choked on the rest of the ice cream in her mouth when she started laughing. “I don't think I'll ever forget, but thanks, Jenny."

"Excuse me, Miss." The waiter approached their table and addressed Gwen directly. "How did you like the dessert?”

"It was delicious, thank you." She replied politely, with a smile.

"It's good to hear." The waiter also smiled, and then he took something out of the top pocket of his uniform, where his pen was stuck. "Table 5 asked me to deliver this note to you." He handed her a folded napkin. “I hope you don’t mind.”

"What is it?" Gwen took the napkin in hand. 

That was not the first time that something like that had happened to her, sometimes people saw her in public places and were too afraid to approach her, so they sent her notes. It was usually appreciative notes with heartfelt short messages, so she didn’t mind. 

She unfolded the thin crumpled paper and came across a note hastily written with a black ink pen. 

_Whore.  
Home wrecker.  
Family destroyer.  
You will pay for it, and so will your baby._

She looked around quickly, but table number 5 was empty.

"I want to go home, Jenny." She took a bill out of her wallet and placed it over the table before throwing the wallet in her shoulder bag and leaned over to wipe Apollo's face.

"What happened? What's in that note?” Jen asked, already knowing exactly what it was about.

Gwen just pushed the paper towards her. "It is not the first time. I found one of these in my mailbox, I got a threat via email and sometimes I swear someone is following me.”

"Sis, this is very serious." Jen looked around too, but no one inside the restaurant looked suspicious enough.

When she looked back at Gwen, she already had her cell phone in her hand and the purse on her shoulder. "Ok, I'll take you home then."

“No, it's ok, I just texted Blake and he's coming to get us." Gwen put the phone away too. 

Jen motioned to the waiter and asked for the bill. "I thought Blake was in Oklahoma."

“He just came back yesterday. The baby has an appointment on Friday.”

“Ok." Her sister-in-law was still not quite sure about letting her go, and she was very worried about her. “So does Blake know about these threats? Will he stay with you?” 

“Well, he's not sleeping at my house, not with the boys there. And now they've been at home with me the whole time, you know that. That's what I have against Gavin.” She explained, wiping Apollo's small hands as well, which were sticky. "He knows about that, it started a couple of weeks ago. That girl Vickie has been releasing all these articles about Miranda and how we ruined her life. But, anyway, we didn't think it was something to worry about.”

“Well, it seems like you should be worrying about it now." Jen was really scared, but it seemed to her that she was the only one. "Maybe you should talk to the police."

"I don't know, I just want to go home." Gwen sighed.

"That’s it? You are going to have to give me constant updates on how you are and what you’re doing, or I will think something has happened and I will be showing up with the police.” Her sister-in-law started to organize her things to leave too, but not without making that clear. “Do you want me to go over there and stay with you these days?”

"Thank you, Sissy, but I'll be fine, I promise.” Gwen assured her. "Maybe I'll talk to the boys about Blake and then he'll be able to stay with me there."

"That's good. You should do that.” Jen breathed a sigh of relief. “And yeah, you better be fine!”

  


***

  


Blake hated driving in Los Angeles, but he would never fail to comply with Gwen's request. Even though he wasn't sure what was going on, her text had seemed urgent, and that was enough for him to change and leave his rented house. When he got to the address she texted to him, he was lucky to find a spot on the sidewalk right in front of the restaurant, because after the ridiculous traffic, parking was the second worst thing about driving in LA.

As soon as he parked, he texted her to let her know he was there already.

Blake was a very country guy, and he was not yet used to how bad the paparazzi situation could get there, but just looking around he knew there was a high possibility that this was one of the times when it could get really bad. He could identify many of those vultures around.

Even though he could see them, they didn't seem to notice him.

It was not long before he could see Gwen walking towards the open double door of the restaurant. She was carrying Apollo in her arms and the boy was wrapped in a blanket from the waist down. It wasn't a cold day, it was Los Angeles, but he knew that she used it to hide her own body, so that no one could profit from her pregnancy.

Blake was not the only one who saw her, however. As soon as she appeared in the hall, all the paparazzi around her gathered in front of the restaurant and that made him very nervous. Blake grabbed the steering wheel and squeezed it without even realizing what he was doing. His eyes remained focused on Gwen and at that moment he was cursing himself for promising her by text that he wouldn’t get out of the car — she also didn't want anyone to profit from their relationship.

He saw the panic in her eyes when she noticed the presence of all those paparazzi, and Blake looked over her shoulder for help, more precisely for her bodyguard, but of course he didn't find him. Gwen hardly ever left the house with a security guard, unless it was for work.

However, looking around more precisely, Blake saw something that caught his attention much more than the hungry paparazzi: Behind Gwen there was a man who seemed to use his average height to hide behind her figure, and his eyes were focused on her, as if she was his prey. Gwen was a beautiful woman who drew attention wherever she went, that was true and Blake was used to it, but it was not about that. 

The man had his eyes focused on the purse she carried on her shoulder, as if he was going to steal it from her at any moment, but that was a strange thing to want to do in front of so many flashing cameras, so he could only imagine that the man behind Gwen had other intentions, perhaps worse ones.

Blake had read an article that same week about how, in recent years in the US alone, there were over 306 cases of infant abduction. 10 percent of those cases happened when the mother was still pregnant. The same article said that 9 out of 10 women did not survive the attack. Because of that and many other crazy thoughts that came to his mind, when the stranger raised his hand and made a move to touch or reach her, Blake loosened his seat belt and jerked the car door open to get out.

"Get out of my way." He pushed the first paparazzi in front of him and it caught everyone else’s attention, causing sighs of surprise when they started to realize who he was.

When Blake looked over Gwen's shoulder again, he no longer found the stranger who seemed to have bad intentions. That was a relief, but it was also very strange.

First, Blake made sure that no one came near Gwen when she put her foot out of the restaurant with Apollo in her arms, then he opened the back door of the car for her to sit the boy in his car seat. She kept the blanket covering her body when she went around the car to get into the passenger side. Blake followed her closely, just to make sure she was safe, and it wasn't until he closed the door and she was inside that he went around the car again and got into the driver's side.

They looked at each other for a few seconds when the door closed. 

“Hey buddy.” He looked back and waved at Apollo, who was looking very sleepy in his car seat. 

Gwen was even out of breath. "Thank you for saving me.”

"I broke my promise." Blake complained as he fastened his seat belt. "I hate breaking promises."

She softly chuckled. "I’m pretty sure you can forgive yourself this time."

“Ok, put on your seat belt. Let's get out of here."

  


***

  


For some reason, the day had dawned a little chilly for the Los Angeles weather that Friday. Even though they had parked in the underground parking lot of the building, the icy morning breeze hit them hard, so Blake and Gwen took advantage of the absence of any other people to walk side by side, very close to each other, counting on the heat of the other's body to stay warm.

They walked through a glass door and waited for the elevator in an empty hall. They entered together when it got there and, despite being much warmer inside, the two of them ended up cuddling together in a corner of the elevator, Blake leaning against the wall behind him and Gwen's back against his chest. He was hugging her from behind and his hand was tucked inside her half-open coat, and he caressed her baby bump while his lips planted soft kisses on her face. 

They were quiet and comfortable, just enjoying each other, but before the elevator door closed, a man appeared and stood in the way for another woman to enter. Blake and Gwen froze for a second, with the other two people present, but his hand sliding slowly over her bump made them both relax a little. It was ok, they were not doing anything wrong. They were happy and they didn't have to hide from other people. It wasn't like those strangers in the elevator would photograph them or sell the story of when they met them at an obstetrics clinic to the tabloids.

"Look honey, do you remember when we were like this?" The woman asked the man, pointing to the other couple in the corner of the elevator.

"No darling. It's been a long time, I don't remember.” The man answered with a loud laugh.

“That's not the right answer, man." Blake intruded, since they were talking about them. He was also laughing.

"After a while, right and wrong answers all get mixed up." The man said, with a wise tone. “We have been together for 30 years."

"Aw, that is cute." Gwen also joined the conversation. “Are you having a baby too?" The couple looked older than they did, but at that point she couldn't judge anyone anymore.

"Oh no, honey." The woman laughed quietly. “We are going to the fourth floor. If you know what I mean.” 

But Gwen had no idea. "What's on the fourth floor?” She thought that that building only had the obstetrics clinic.

The other two looked at each other and shared some giggles. "Let's just say it's a massage parlor. Just a little more intimate." The woman replied, after more laughter.

Blake let out a loud laugh too, before he could hold it.

"We are trying to keep things spicy in bed." The man seemed even less modest than his partner, considering that they didn’t know each other at all. “You know what, you guys are a hot couple. You should get our number, so that if you ever think about...” 

The loud elevator beep saved Gwen from suffocating while trying to hold her laugh. It indicated that they had reached the third floor, and it also saved them from hearing the rest of that sentence and having to refuse that invitation.

“Oh, this is us. Nice to meet you. Bye." Gwen dragged Blake out, saying that farewell so quickly that it was even difficult to decipher the words used exactly.

The elevator door closed and they glanced at each other, not in the middle of the quiet hallway. Blake’s face was even red from holding on to the laugh that was stuck in his throat.

"Do not laugh!" She warned him. “Not here! It will be so loud… Blake?”

But from that moment on it was impossible for him to hold it in any longer. Blake started to laugh so loud that it infected her too, and they ended up holding each other's arms, standing in the center of the corridor, facing one another and trying to make the other one stop laughing, but eventually causing even more laughter.

"Didn't you want to accept that request, baby?" He teased her, making Gwen cover his mouth with one hand.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” The two were still laughing together in the empty hallway, which had a great echo. “I'm going to pee my pants, Blake." 

That made him laugh even more, but the noise of the doctor's office glass door opening made the two of them stop suddenly laughing out of embarrassment.

"Look, it's my favorite couple." Gavin looked at them with a frown. “I see you two are having a splendid time, but can you hurry up? We're going to be late. And please, keep it down, we can all hear you in here. It’s disgusting.” And just as quickly as he had opened the door, he closed it again and disappeared.

"Fucking hell. Did you invite him?" Blake’s facial expressions were a mix of being shocked and very annoyed.

"No, of course not." Gwen quickly denied it. “I told him to be here to draw blood for the paternity exam. But that’s later.” 

While talking in an undertone, the two entered the doctor's office together. Gavin was sitting in the usual waiting room, still frowning.

"What are you doing here?" Gwen directly asked him.

“Oh hi, darling.” He faked a smile. “You look… huge.”

“I will break your face.” Blake warned him.

She quickly closed another button of her coat. “What are you doing here?” And repeated her question.

“It's the baby’s appointment, isn't it?" Gavin asked. “So I should be here.” 

"You were not invited." Gwen snarled at him.

“Yeah… pretty classy not telling me, by the way. But I don’t give a fuck." He shrugged. "When you told me to be here for the blood test at 10 am I knew you had an appointment, so I called and found out, because you may not remember, but I'm still your husband."

Gwen clenched her fists. Blake had to hold her shoulders lightly to make sure she wasn't going to attack that man, although he wanted to do that himself. 

"You are not going in." She snarled at him again.

"Look, dear, the girl said that you are going to do a 4D today." Gavin got up from the couch and took a step towards her. “Please, you know I like those. I was always present for those.” 

"Not for Apollo's, no.” She pointed out.

"Ok, I mean, I always did my best to be there." He corrected himself.

“I don’t care, you’re not going in. I don’t want you present anymore. You had every chance.”

“Don't do that, Gwen. This baby can be mine and later you will regret having deprived me of it.” He made a point of reminding her of that.

"I said no." Gwen stood her ground.

“Fine. I will wait then, because I’m taking this paternity test today” Gavin crossed his arms and sat back on the couch, frowning again, like a child throwing a tantrum.

“I will see if they can draw your blood early, while we're at the appointment, so you can leave." She said, but turned to Blake shortly after. “Do you want to sit down for a while? I’ve got to check this and then I have to find the restroom.”

"Sure." He smiled at her and sat down in one of the armchairs in the waiting room. 

Gwen handed him her purse and also took off her overcoat. It was no longer that cold inside and she didn't want to hide anymore. There and her house were the only places she didn't have to hide. 

She looked at her own reflection in the full-length mirror in the waiting room. 22 weeks, she was nowhere near huge yet. She was fine — she had to remind herself after what she had just heard. 

Blake held everything for her and watched as she walked away to speak to the receptionist, then headed for the bathroom.

"The beginning is really good, isn't it?" It took him a few seconds to realize that Gavin was talking to him now that the two of them were alone. "She's sweet and the sex is very hot, and other people around her think she's really great, so you can brag a little, but the fun ends soon."

“Really?” Blake shook his head. “You’ve got some nerve.” 

"I’m just saying, she’s not special, she is quite ordinary and tedious when you get used to it." Gavin leaned back against the couch and shrugged. He had said everything he wanted already.

Blake spent a few seconds controlling the urge to get up and punch him in the face, and only then did he say something. "Hey Gavin, guess what." Blake looked at him and Gavin turned to face him too. "I don't give a fuck what you say." His tone was low. He didn’t want to make a scene there. “I know that she is special and I know that now you know that your biggest mistake was not realizing it in time. Am I wrong?" It was Blake's turn to shrug. "You don't have to answer, I know I'm right."

It was Gavin who kept quiet over those words this time. And he worked hard to find an answer in line with what the other had said, but he couldn't think of anything, so he found another plan of attack.

“Hey Blake, guess what." He started in the same way that the other had done. “That baby is mine. And when they confirm that, I want to make it clear in advance that I will ensure that you never come close to my baby after it’s born. You won't even look at it. Enjoy it today at the 4D, because you will see the baby very clearly and it will probably be the first and last time. I assure you, you will never have a relationship with my baby, so don’t get attached. Or is it too late?”

Blake wasn't expecting that, so it took him a while to assimilate and think of any answer. "This baby is not yours." That's all he managed to say. 

As much as he was not going to let it show at that moment, he was afraid that Gavin's prophecy would come true and that he wouldn’t be able to ever have any relationship with that baby, or even just touch it, or look at it. That thought would haunt him forever, and the fact that it could easily be the truth was really hurting him. 

“Mr. Rossdale, the nurse is ready to see you now, follow me, please.”

  


***

  


"Look at this baby, it’s perfect." Blake was staring at the monitor with the same amazed facial expressions as always, but this time the screen was bigger and the baby appeared on it exactly the size it was at that moment, inside of Gwen's womb.

The image that was shown was in 3D, HD, and very different from the complicated ultrasound that Blake had struggled to learn to understand. In addition, the screen showed live what happened inside the uterus, and for him it was incredible. Now he was able to see the baby's face perfectly, its closed eyes, its tiny nose, its little fingers, long like Gwen's, resting on the left side of its face, the contours of its lips, its chest rising and falling as it breathed, so alive and so unbelievable. And the legs, baby had one of its small legs with the knee bent, hiding behind its back, and the other stretched upwards, with the foot resting under its chin, in a position that seemed very uncomfortable, but that the doctor had said was completely normal.

"Exactly, you're right, baby is perfect." The doctor agreed with him. "All the tests we did ended up with great results, I didn’t see any possible birth defects. It’s the size of a papaya, the perfect weight and it’s slowly moving to its right position." She explained herself, still slowly moving the transducer over Gwen's stomach, and sliding it over the clear gel. “Your placenta is not previa, it’s just a little lower, you don't have to worry about that now. Everything is perfectly where it should be now.”

Gwen took a deep breath. "This is great."

It was not like she thought there was something wrong, but it was still really good to hear that news from the doctor. There was so much that could go wrong with that pregnancy or that could go not so smoothly, and especially after that incident in Oklahoma and the things Vince had said, she lived with the fear, in the back of her mind, that something bad was about to happen, so at that moment Gwen just relaxed and allowed herself to finally enjoy her baby's little face on the screen.

"Oh wait, there is something I don't see." The doctor frowned and moved closer to the monitor, sliding the wand a little more over the bump.

“What? What don't you see?” Blake tensed immediately and also approached the screen.”

“Do you understand what I mean, Gwen?" She pointed to something specific in the center of the image and Gwen focused really hard to try to see it, until she understood what it was.

“Oh.” She let the exclamation slip from her lips, in a low tone and still uncertain, until she assimilated it. "Oh... oh my god!"

Blake, who watched in silence, exchanging worried glances between both of them, noticed when Gwen's eyes filled with tears and she brought both hands to her face to hide it. So he finally lost the patience to wait for information.

"What is it? What is going on?" He could even feel his heart pounding. "Gwen?" Blake walked over and took one of her hands, uncovering her face, but freaked out even more when he found her already fully crying.

"Do you want to tell him?" The doctor asked, as if she were prepared to do that if she needed her to.

Gwen nodded. “Blake—” She tried, but her voice broke and she had to take a deep breath. "Our baby… we're having a baby girl."

Blake was so worried that he thought his chest was going to burst at any moment, but when she finished her sentence, the reason for that huge tightness in his chest changed completely. “Our baby is a girl?" He still seemed a little distracted, as if he still had to assimilate it. "A little baby girl?" Blake squeezed her hand, but his eyes looked back at the baby on the big screen. 

Gwen sobbed loudly and painfully and that brought his attention back to her. "Hey, don't cry." Blake got closer and stood next to her. His hands reached out to wipe the tears from her face. “This is a good thing, right? Don’t cry."

"I know, this is a really great thing." But Gwen sobbed even louder when she laid her head against his chest. “I just can't stop crying. I'm so happy. I’ve always wanted a baby girl.” 

He leaned down a little and kissed her forehead, squeezing her in a long, affectionate hug. "I am really happy too."

But at the same time that his heart seemed ready to burst with happiness, the back of his mind was thinking about Gavin’s words and the promises he made. The possibility that the baby was not his had already caused permanent pain in his heart at that point, and Blake did not know if he would ever be able to recover if that were really the outcome. He was completely attached to that little baby, and to that pregnancy, more than ever now that he had seen her little face and knew she was a girl. And he loved Gwen. Something inside of him kept telling him that he would always love her, but he didn't know what would happen if that baby wasn't his, or how far he could take the things Gavin would do to harm him and prevent him from having a relationship with his baby girl — because it didn’t matter, he would always see her as his baby girl — and with Gwen and the boys too. 

If he was very honest, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to go through all that and still be who he was. And Blake didn't want to become something else.

"Aw look, guys." The doctor called them because they were too distracted, hugging each other, and paid no attention to the screen.

When they looked at the monitor, the baby's face was contorted and little by little she opened her mouth to yawn really big, stretching her little fingers, arms and legs together. Her tiny chin quivered slightly when she finished yawning, and she even stuck out her tongue in a brief second, just before closing her mouth again. Her legs were soon moving again, looking for another position, and they all watched in awe and with big smiles on their faces.

“Ouch." Gwen complained the next second, when she was hit with a small kick in her bladder. "Great, now I have to pee again."

The three laughed together.

Blake slowly looked back at the monitor. The baby seemed to have gone back to sleep comfortably — if she was actually sleeping at all, he wasn’t sure — and he admired her beauty and perfection again. She had to be his daughter, she had to be something he and Gwen did together. There was no other way, life wouldn’t do that to the three of them.

At that very moment, he was very anxious to have his blood drawn somewhere in that same clinic and pray that the result that would come a few days later would be favorable for him. Anything different would break his heart forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dreams are coming true here today, aw. (Yes, I’m talking about your dreams)


	28. I just can't believe there's someone like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, we are back at it!

"No, Blake, you have to climb up the tree and jump out of there." Kingston explained as he laughed.

Blake's character in the game was dead again and he had to wait for the end of the play to start over.

"Sorry, boys, I really suck at this." He said, laughing.

"No, you were doing great." Zuma encouraged him, but his character almost had the same fate as Blake’s, just because of that second of distraction.

Apollo, who already had tired eyes, took advantage of the fact that Blake no longer had the video game controller in his hands and staggered close to him. Blake soon noticed and lifted him up to sit him on his lap. The little boy snuggled up when the adult wrapped his arms around him.

"You look tired, little buddy." He rubbed Apollo's arm lightly.

At that moment, Gwen came in the game’s room door. She had been away for just a few minutes to take a shower, and Blake was watching the boys, or rather, entertaining them with how bad he was at playing video games.

"Time to go to bed, puppies." She called them.

Zuma whined, but Kingston didn't even look away from the big TV. Gwen came over to give Apollo a bottle and he happily accepted it, spitting out the pacifier to take the warm milk. She intended to grab the younger boy and take him to his nursery, but he seemed so comfortable in Blake's arms.

"Do you want me to get him?" She asked.

"No, don't worry, he is comfortable." Blake answered fast. 

Apollo was already blinking his eyes slowly, giving signs that he would fall asleep really soon. The sleepy little boy had one hand holding Blake’s shirt and the other held the bottle, but Blake helped him, holding on the other side so the bottle wouldn’t fall when he finally fell asleep.

"Ok, he's very tired, it won't be long before he falls asleep.” Gwen said to him, as she brushed Apollo’s curls off his little face. “Do you mind if I put the other two to bed in the meantime? Apollo shouldn't be giving you too much trouble tonight anymore.”

"Yes of course, it’s not a problem. They never give me any trouble.” Blake reassured her.

“Ok. Thank you, Blakey." Gwen smiled at him and then turned to the older boys. “I said bedtime, didn't I? I'm pretty sure I did.”

"Five more minutes, mom, I have to beat this level." Kingston complained, but Zuma had already let go of the controller and walked toward her.

He hugged her waist and planted a kiss on her baby bump. "Can Blakey read me a bedtime story?" The boy asked.

“Another night, ok puppy?” She caressed his face. “Blake has Apollo tonight.”

"I'll read you a story when I get back, ok buddy?" Blake answered too, even though his voice tone was very low because of Apollo, who already had his eyes closed in his arms.

"Are you coming back tomorrow?" Zuma asked in a curious and excited way. Blake had been spending a lot of time with them at home that week.

"No buddy, I'm going to Oklahoma for a few days, but I will be back soon." He explained.

“Aww." Zuma wailed and looked up at Gwen. 

She stroked his hair affectionately. "I know, I’ll miss him too."

"Ok, I'm done." Kingston celebrated when he leveled up in the game, then he saved the game and turned it off.

“Let’s go, it’s bedtime for puppies.” Gwen wrapped each of them in one of her arms and guided them out. "I'll be right back, Blakey."

  


***

  


One of Blake's hands slid leisurely down Gwen's leg, from her thigh to her ankle, where he squeezed lightly, causing goosebumps all over her body when his fingertips moved slowly and provocatively. She was sitting on his lap, her legs bent at the knees and her bare feet on the couch too. She was only wearing shorts and a long-sleeved shirt, ready to go to bed, and he loved it when he had easy access to her legs like that, they were the softest things he had ever touched, and he just couldn't keep his hands to himself.

Their mouths were another thing they couldn't keep to themselves. They were exchanging affectionate kisses and caresses during that quieter and more private moment on the living room couch. They both knew they would be apart for a longer period of time next week, and it seemed like they had made a silent agreement to make the most of the time they were together while they could.

However, the calm and loving kisses lasted only for a limited period of time. The heat went up and before they knew, they were exchanging urgent and intense kisses, as if they needed to devour each other. Blake tugged on Gwen's hair to make her tilt her head back and give him more access to her neck area. As soon as he got what he wanted, he touched her skin with his lips and explored it, sucking hard on her neck. Gwen let out a deeper sigh and it brought him back to reality.

"We can't do this here." Blake whispered softly, close to her ear. His lips going right back to kissing her skin, as if he wasn’t the one saying they had to stop.

"I know, we can't." Gwen agreed, but neither of them really stopped what they were doing.

Her hands went under his shirt and she used her long nails to scratch his back provocatively. Blake felt the heat rising up his spine again.

“Stop it.” He warned her.

“Ok, let’s stop.” Gwen agreed, but continued to kiss and explore him, just as he was doing to her, squeezing her thighs while their tongue dueled and their lips rubbed more and more urgently against each other. “Why don’t you stay tonight?”

It was then that he stopped what occupied his lips and hands, and pulled his face back a bit to look at her. "You mean spend the night?"

"Yeah, why not?" She answered, but still seemed uncertain. “I mean, it's not weird, is it? You have been spending so much time with the kids these past few days, they are already used to you around and they like you very much. You will be in Oklahoma for at least a week. I just want to spend as much time as I can with my boyfriend, you know?” She ended up laughing. 

“I’m sure that’s what you want.” Blake laughed too. He could say no to any of the reasons she presented, but after that last one he could never deny it to her. 

“Hey, it’s true.” Gwen frowned and looked at him with a fake mad facial expression. 

“Uhuh.” He teased. Besides everything else, he wanted to stay with her. He didn’t really need to think about it. “Ok, I will stay."

"Yay" She let out a quick squeak to celebrate and hugged him. Blake laughed and pressed her against his body. 

Everything was an innocent celebration, until it wasn’t. Gwen changed positions quickly, wrapping a leg around his body and sitting facing Blake, still on his lap. She flipped her hair to the side and bit her bottom lip right before leaning in. Their lips searched for the other's again and when they touched it was as if a wild fire spread throughout her body. Gwen was affected by the pregnancy hormones much more at that stage of her pregnancy. The second trimester was mild for nausea and body aches, but it was very heavy on hormones and mood swings.

She was driving him crazy — and she knew exactly how to do that to him in the most affective way possible — but Blake knew they could never keep going like that right there, where they were, so he broke the kiss and cupped her face with one of his hands. "Let's get to the room first, ok?" He tried to say it in a playful way so she wouldn’t get shy or anywhere close to embarrassed. 

It worked, that made Gwen softly chuckle. "Ok, you're right." She leaned over again, touching his lips with hers, but in a calm and caring way this time, and he focused on just caressing her face and not touching her anywhere else.

That was until Blake felt that little thump against his abdomen. He immediately stopped what he was doing and held both of Gwen’s shoulders. “What was that?”

“Huh? What?” Gwen was distracted and didn't even know what he was talking about exactly. She leaned back, straightening up, and that was when Blake focused on her baby bump and how it was pressed against his abdomen a second ago.

"Oh!" He let out a rather loud exclamation. "It was the baby.”

It took her a second until she got it. "Oh! Oh my God!" He didn’t need to say anything else. "You felt that?"

“I felt it. It was like a little push.” Blake grabbed her waist and moved her to the side — like it was no big deal and like she weighed nothing — placing her sitting next to him on the couch. “Wow! That was so unexpected.” He was laughing and he just couldn't help it. 

Blake leaned his body forward, bringing his face close to her bump. "Hi baby girl, can you do that for me again?” He carefully put his hand under her long-sleeved shirt, touching her skin directly and sliding his fingers slowly. Gwen was smiling at the way he was reacting to feeling their baby moving for the first time, and she also wasn't going to complain about his warm hand on her skin, it felt actually quite comfortable. She laid her head against the back of the couch as she watched him.

“Oh! There she goes again." Blake excitedly said. This time it wasn't as noticeable as the first kick, it was more like a wave across the surface, sort of shimmy over the whole tummy, as if she was moving from side to side. "Wow, this is so incredible." He whispered, amazed. "I can feel her now." He looked up to face Gwen.

She smiled at him. "She moves so much at night. I think she’s rolling over.”

Blake leaned forward and laid his head on Gwen's legs, still acting like a little kid who just discovered the most amazingly curious detail about something he’s currently obsessing over. He wanted to keep as close to her bump as he could. "I'll be right here then." He said quietly, lifting her shirt enough to expose her tummy.

Gwen immediately felt insecure, but she said nothing.

"Hey baby girl." Blake suddenly started to speak, but it wasn't to her and she knew it, so she just stayed quiet and listened. "I just wanted to let you know that daddy-" He stopped himself there for a second. It was Blake's turn to feel very insecure. “I just wanted to let you know that I really can’t wait to meet you. There is nothing I want and dream more about in my life than your face.” His index finger slid over her bump, and then he opened his hand to rest his palm over the place where the baby had just kicked, although she was quiet now, as if she was just listening too.

Blake was overwhelmed with feelings. Suddenly Gwen's pregnancy wasn’t so abstract anymore, and it was no longer an idea, it was a fact. And he already knew how real it was before, since he first heard her little baby heart beating, but right there it was a fact that moved and that he could feel with the palm of his hand. However, the scariest part for him was not that they would have a baby and that he knew nothing about babies at all, the scariest part was that he was so attached to that little baby, that his heart ached with happiness just by the slightest proof that she was there, alive, and doing great, and in the end of the day he still didn't even know if that baby was really his. It shouldn’t matter, and by the amount of love he knew he already felt for that baby girl, he knew that blood wouldn’t matter, he would love her forever and he would give her his best throughout his whole life, but he was really afraid he wouldn’t even have the opportunity to do any of that if she wasn’t his, and the fear of not being able to be there in the special moments of her life would haunt him until the day he knew for sure.

Blake felt like crying, but he held on tight while staring at the ceiling. His thoughts were consuming him, but he acted as tough as he could. Gwen noticed, though, and she brought a hand up to his hair and caressed it lightly. She already knew what it was about, just from the way he had corrected one of his previous sentences. "We'll find out soon, ok?" She said. 

It had been a few days since they had drawn blood for the DNA test, and the results would arrive in the mail any time now.

"It's ok." Blake fought against all the bad things he was feeling and smiled at her. "I'm so happy. You make me really happy.”

Gwen felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach, but along with that she felt her heart hurt, her nose sting and her eyes fill with tears. "Damn it." She whined to herself when she started to cry and had to wipe the tears under her eyes.

"Hey, no." Blake sat up on the spot. "Why are you crying?”

"I'm sorry" She lightly sobbed. "It’s just that you don't even know what those words mean to me." She didn't want to be explicitly clear, but for someone who had come to believe she wasn’t enough for anyone or anything, and was used to being called uninteresting and boring, that single phrase meant a lot. It was almost impossible to believe that she really made someone so happy that they had to say it out loud like he just did, or to believe that Blake was not ashamed of talking about it in front of her. Gwen was not used to that. 

"And also these stupid pregnancy hormones." She added at the end to lighten the mood.

Blake chuckled slightly, but leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I love you." He whispered. “You make me happier every day and I want you in my life forever. I want to take care of you the way you deserve, but I have to confess that this is also a bit selfish too, because I want to feel good as I do now for the rest of my life and I don't think I could if I didn't have you.” 

It was Gwen's turn to giggle, although she was still crying. "I'm fine with that."

“So stop crying, babe." Blake kissed her face again, but this time over her eyelids and on her forehead and lips too. "I just want you to be happy."

"I am! I'm so happy." Gwen sobbed again. She wasn't crying out of sadness, it was pure happiness, and she didn't even remember that feeling anymore.

  


***

  


Blake's mind was racing again, and he didn't think he even slept a second that night. It was weird to be sleeping in that room, spending the night in that house, and it was even weirder to have sex in that bed — even though he didn’t have time to think about it during, just after —, it was as if Gavin's ghost was haunting him, even though he was very much alive. 

Blake knew he had to get used to it, though. That was Gwen's house, her children's house and she had already told him once that she didn't want to move at that time, because the boys had a lot of new things to get used to, ranging from their parents' divorce to their new baby sister and, of course, Blake himself. Gwen was his girlfriend, her children were important to him, Blake loved spending time with the boys, so he had to get used to the house. 

The good thing was that Gwen was sleeping right next to him. He didn't think he could sleep there without her, but for her he would do anything, and besides, she was right, they would go long days without seeing each other, starting the next morning, since he would probably wake up before her and would have to leave for Oklahoma. And it would be at least a week that they would be apart. He had a lot of things to take care of on his property and then some shows on the weekend. Gwen would be busy in the studio and with the kids, and would have to stay in LA. A week without her, without the boys, without his incredible baby and the newest way she had to amaze him: kicking. Blake would miss it all. 

He had been staring at the ceiling, in the dark room all that time, without even closing his eyes, but at that moment, thinking about all that, he remembered that that would be the first time he had spent so much time away from Gwen since... He didn’t even remember since when. He turned on his side to face her, and put an arm around her under the covers. She was warm and comfortable, and snuggled closer to his body. He welcomed her.

"Blakey.” She murmured in her sleep as they held on to each other.

Blake smiled and just rubbed her arm lightly. He liked to think that meant she thought about him even when she was sleeping, and it was a warm feeling, because he often doubted that Gwen could be as in love with him as he was with her. He didn't believe that anyone could love him the devoted way he was able to love, and it used to hurt him, but he realized right there that maybe he was enough, and that thinking about the struggles of his past loves didn't hurt him that much anymore. 

Blake felt like crying again, for the second time that day — he wondered if there might be something about pregnancy hormones for fathers to be too — but he didn't, of course. Gwen moved again in his arms, almost as if she could feel the way his heart was racing, and he realized that his throat was very dry.

"I'm going to get some water, do you want anything from the kitchen?" He whispered to her.

"Huh? No water, thanks." Gwen replied, probably still asleep.

He lightly laughed at that and placed a tender kiss on her forehead before getting out of bed.

The house was quiet and silent in the middle of the night, the only noise he could hear was the ceiling fan and Apollo's quiet breathing through the baby monitor on the nightstand. Although those were sounds that should help them to stay comfortably asleep, nothing could help Blake sleep that night, his mind was too busy.

The hallway was somewhat brighter than the bedroom, as there was a large window in the background letting the moonlight in. Blake went down the stairs and went directly to the kitchen. It might be the first night he was spending there, but since he started dating Gwen, and even before it was official, he had spent a lot of time in that place, long enough for him to get around without having to turn on all the lights. He didn't even turn on the kitchen light, the moon was bright enough down there too. He just went in and opened the fridge door to take a fancy bottle of water out of it. He filled a glass and put it away again.

Blake took the first sip — he still wasn’t sure if it was really just regular water in that fancy bottle — and as soon as the liquid went down his throat, he realized he was very thirsty and drank the rest of it in one gulp. When he was done and was putting the glass down, he saw a small shadow on the kitchen door and was startled before realizing it was just Zuma.

"Oh Zuma, you scared me for a second." He said in a low and friendly tone, trying not to scare him either.

"Sorry, I thought it was mom coming down the stairs." The boy spoke in a low tone as well, and sniffed.

It was quite dark there, so that was the first time Blake realized he was crying.

"Hey, what's wrong, buddy?" He asked as he approached him.

Up close, he saw that Zuma had a tear-stained face and flushed cheeks. 

"I had a nightmare." The little boy whispered as if it was a secret. 

Blake didn't quite know what to do or say to him, he had no experience with that, he wasn't sure if he should ask what the boy had dreamed of or if it would make it worse. He was too afraid of making it worse.

"It's ok, buddy, it was just a dream, it's not real." Blake ducked in front of him and wiped the tears from under the boy's eyes. "What can I do for you?" He decided that asking him directly would be easier. Zuma was 7 years old, he was still pretty little, but very smart.

"That isn’t all." Zuma seemed a little embarrassed. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course." Blake agreed, somewhat confused, but very curious. 

Zuma leaned forward to literally whisper in his ear, as if there were many other people there. "I wet my bed." He confessed.

It took Blake a few seconds, but he understood how delicate that was. However, even though he understood that, he still had no idea what to do. He knew that there were many things that could and would have to be done, but he didn’t know where to start and didn’t want to wake Gwen, he wanted her to rest. Blake started to freak out a little, internally, until he decided that that wouldn’t do the situation any good, and decided to act instead. He might not know anything about children, and was afraid to traumatize Zuma for the rest of his life, but he knew what to do with a wet bed.

“Ok, don't worry, buddy. Let's take care of that.” Blake held out his hand to Zuma and the little boy took it without asking any more questions. He also wasn’t even crying anymore.

The two of them went upstairs together and luckily Zuma had a bathroom in his room. He turned on the shower for the boy and while Zuma took a quick shower, Blake changed the boy's bedding with something he found inside the closet. Fortunately, the pee didn’t leak onto the mattress because of a waterproof protection sheet. Then he helped him to put on clean pajamas and put him to bed.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, buddy." He was sitting on the edge of Zuma's bed. "It's not your fault, it happens sometimes."

“I try not to, but I can't help it. I'm asleep and when I wake up I'm already wet.” The little boy seemed very disappointed in himself. "I wanted to be a big boy."

"Look, it happened to me too." Blake suddenly said, trying to make Zuma feel better. "I used to dream that I was in the bathroom peeing, but I was actually sleeping in my bed."

"Really?" Zuma giggled. "My nightmare is that the mean boy from my school is going to hit me and I pee my pants in front of the whole class."

“See? It happens to everyone, the only difference is what your dream is about. Don't worry, you're a big boy, buddy.” Blake stroked Zuma's hair and the boy smiled at him. 

He was losing his baby teeth and had a big gap in the front of his mouth, Blake thought that was the cutest thing. He realized immediately that the love he felt for Gwen extended to the boys as well, and the affection he felt for Zuma was enormous. He leaned over and placed a kiss on the little boy's forehead. "Goodnight, buddy."

"Goodnight." Zuma said back as he tucked him in.

Blake turned on the nightlight and turned off the bedroom light.

“Blakey?" Zuma called him again.

"Yeah?" He stopped at the door and looked at the little boy. 

“Please, don’t tell King about this. He picks on me and tells me I need baby diapers.” He asked, and it broke Blake’s heart.

“Sure, buddy. It's our secret, don't worry.”

"Thanks, Blakey." 

Blake smiled and left the room, leaving the door ajar as he had found it earlier.

When Blake returned to the bedroom, he found Gwen exactly where he had left her, and then settled himself next to her on the bed. She put an arm around him and Blake rested his hand on her baby bump.

"Where were you?" She mumbled to him.

"I was thirsty." He replied, pulling her closer to him with his other arm. "And I found Zuma down there."

"In the kitchen?" Gwen opened her eyes. "What was he doing?"

"Nothing." Blake answered quickly. "He had a problem and thought it was you in the kitchen."

"What was wrong?" She asked with a frown.

"Bed wetting.” Blake told her. “But don't tell him I told you. Also, there is a mean boy at his school, I think he's being mean to Zuma, because he's been having nightmares about it.” He preferred to leave the part about Kingston’s behavior out of that conversation, because he had made a promise to Zuma and if Gwen knew about what he was doing, she would certainly scold him and the middle boy would pay for it.

Gwen was left speechless for a second, while letting everything sink in. "He told you all of that?"

"Yes, he told me." He confirmed it to her.

"Wait, and what did you do?" She wasn't sure if she was sleeping or awake yet. She was definitely very sleepy still. “About the wet bed.”

"I put him in the shower and changed his sheets." Blake explained. "The mattress wasn’t wet."

"Aw, you did so good, Blakey." Gwen kissed his face. "You didn't have to, though, you could have woken me up."

“No, I wanted you to sleep. Besides, this is going to be my reality very soon, right?” He stroked her bump. "I should get used to it."

"You are going to be such a good father." Gwen assured him.

Blake shook his head. That subject made him a bit anxious. "I just hope I’m good enough for her."

"You are amazing." She kissed his lips this time, and then snuggled against his chest, closing her eyes again. 

Blake's hand went up to caress her back lightly, and his other arm was still around her and kept her very close to his body.

"I adore that little boy..." Blake suddenly said, in a low voice tone. “Zuma. I love him. And Apollo, and Kingston too. I love all of them.”

Gwen lifted her head to look at him. The love she felt for Blake in that moment was immeasurable. It wasn't just any man who would come into her life and claim the love he had for the three boys who weren’t his. He had had so many ways out, he could still leave if he wanted to, but still, there he was.

"Thank you." She whispered to him. "For loving them and for being here."

Her heart was full and happy. And so was his.

  


***

  


Apollo laughed again in the playpen, and every time he did that, he made Leo laugh with him, and the only reason the boys were laughing that loud was Jen's loud laughs too.

"Look at this one." She showed her sister-in-law another photo of a magazine she had in her camera roll. It had her and Blake’s faces on the cover, of course. "Marry me or it's over!" She made a point of reading the headline very dramatically, and it made Gwen chuckle. 

Apparently, Jen and Todd had a new hobby, they sent each other pictures from the magazines with Blake and Gwen on the cover that they found in places like grocery stores throughout their days. "I can't get over this."

Gwen shook her head, but didn't pay much attention. “Vickie started that. Now everyone thinks they can make up lies about us.”

Jen put her phone down. "But Vickie wasn't lying, was she?"

"Well, no, but she dramatized everything and brought all this attention to us." Gwen shrugged. "Even Miranda got into it and gave her information that hurt Blake's reputation." 

"These are just gossip, sis, no one pays much attention to it, and tomorrow they will forget about it." Jen tried to reassure her because she seemed to be taking the matter too seriously.

At that moment — Marissa, the housekeeper that wasn’t so new anymore — entered the living room and gave Gwen the mail that was just delivered.

"That's where you're wrong." Gwen held up a sheet of white paper she found in the middle of the envelopes and showed it to Jen.

_Whore_

_Home wrecker_

It said.

“Oh, is this still happening?”

"Yes, it never stopped." She shrugged. "And it doesn't come in the mail, Jen, someone comes to my house and puts these things in the mailbox in person."

"Well, where's the gate camera?" Her sister-in-law asked.

"It's no use, I can't see the mailbox, I’ve already tried." Gwen explained. “And whoever it is, they’re very smart and know the camera positioning.”

“Where’s Blake?” Jen asked, as if it was a fair question.

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Blake has his life to live, Jen, he can’t be by my side all the time.” She sighed. “Besides, he’s in Oklahoma, you know that.” 

“Oh, true. No need to get frustrated with me though.” Jen shrugged. 

“Sorry.” Gwen knew she didn’t have to, but her mood swings were sabotaging her. 

"This is scary, sis. I know.” Jen came over and sat next to her on the couch. “Put up a bunch of cameras in front of all the gates and in front of the mailbox. I don't know, put a security guard there 24 hours a day or something.”

"I think I need to move." Gwen vented, sighing despondently as she checked the rest of the mail.

"This is another great idea." Jen agreed.

"Oh my god, Jenny!" Gwen suddenly exclaimed.

"What? What did I do this time?” The other asked.

Gwen just held up a white envelope that had the lab’s watermark on it. "The test results are here."

“Oh my holy Jesus Christ! Open it now.” 

"What? No. That’s not-” She shook her head. “I don’t want-” She suddenly wasn’t able to finish a single sentence. "I- Blake’s in Oklahoma, I told him that we would open this together."

"Blake won't be back until next week, Gwen!" Jen seemed shocked. "Call him, FaceTime him, or something like that."

“Well.. no." Gwen denied it again.

"You are afraid and you are postponing it." Jen accused her. "Waiting is not going to change what is written inside, just open it."

"No, Jenny." Gwen choked up and her sister-in-law decided not to insist on that anymore.

"Ok, it's your problem." 

Gwen was not paying attention anymore. She was suddenly hit by the fact that that piece of paper inside of that white envelope in her hands would direct her life in one of two completely different ways, and it terrified her. She didn't know what was written there and she also didn't know that she would be so afraid to find out. She was scared to the point of feeling her body shaking slightly and her heart racing, but she had decided that she wouldn't open that envelope without Blake. Gwen would wait for him to return to Los Angeles, no matter how long it would take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t let this cute chapter fool you 😌


	29. Enough, enough of this suffering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so are you ready???  
> You are about to find it out. So let me put you out of your misery.

"Come on, Betty, we have to go back." He called the dog again, but she just kept jumping and running around the freshly planted wild flowers, enjoying the outdoors as much as she could. “It's getting cold, do you want to stay outside? I will leave you out here.” Betty barked at him, like it was just a game and nothing else. "I swear to god, Betty!"

Blake had to get out of his truck to go get the dog, but even so she still ran away from him until they both got tired and he finally reached her. "You don't even respect me, do you?" He grunted when he closed the dog in the cab of the truck and then went around the car to get in the driver's side. "Bad dog!"

But he didn't have time to fight Betty anymore, his phone started ringing and Blake saw that it was Gwen calling him, so he took off his gardening gloves and answered quickly, using his softest voice. "Hey, pretty girl! I was thinking about you right now. I miss you.”

"Blake." Just by the way she said his name, he knew there was something wrong. He could hear in her voice the way she was choked up and it was obvious that she was crying or had been crying.

“Gwen, what happened? What is wrong?" Blake asked, anxiously. The first thing that came to his mind was that something could have happened to the baby, or to her. Then his head filled with negative thoughts, all linked to the threats and the terrifying notes she had been receiving.

"I need you." Gwen sobbed loudly. Her tone was so painful that it hurt him as if someone was stepping on his heart.

“I'm here, babe. What do you need? Talk to me." He wanted to reassure her, but he ended up sounding a little desperate.

"I need you here with me." With every word she spoke, it seemed that everything was getting worse. Her crying was growing heavier and more desperate and it really scared him. 

He was so confused too, that was so not like her, mainly because if it was really something serious, she would have already said what was so urgent, so it sounded like she was having a hard day and that was all. “You know I have a show tomorrow night and it’s very close by here. I can't go back to Los Angeles today and be here tomorrow, it doesn’t make any sense.” He thought that even if he didn't understand the reason for all that, he should explain himself again, so that she would know why he was away for that long and would still be for a few more days.

Blake had been in Oklahoma for a week now, and he had no intention of staying much longer, but he had been away from his property for so long that he still had a lot to do there, plus he had to play a concert in Nashville that weekend. 

Gwen was silent on the other end of the line and it was killing him inside, so he decided to speak again. “What is bothering you? Are the boys driving you crazy? Is it the nausea that's back? Are your feet hurting? Your boobs? Is it-” Before he could finish the list of reasons he could think of for her to be crying, she hung up the phone and all he heard was the beep that indicated the terminated call, and he knew he had screwed up. 

"Fuck." Blake quickly went to the list of recent calls on his phone and called her back. Betty was lying in the passenger seat, just watching him. 

He thought Gwen wasn’t going to pick up, but instead, she answered quickly after the first ring. 

"Do you think I'm stupid?" She asked in a tone full of outrage. “Do you really think I would call you crying because my feet hurt?” The last question seemed a little controversial, even to her, so she sighed. “Ok, maybe I might, but I certainly wouldn't be asking you to leave Oklahoma and run back to freaking Los Angeles because my pregnant feet hurt, Blake!”

"Sorry, Gwen, I-"

"My whole body hurts all the time and it’s probably your fault, but do I call you crying all day? No! So don't treat me like I'm dramatic and a crybaby, because I'm not!” And as soon as she finished that sentence, she immediately started crying again.

Blake was silent for a few seconds and let her get it all out of her chest and cry a little. Only when she seemed to be controlling her emotions a bit more did he finally speak again. “Gwen, you are taking care of 3 boys alone, pregnant, exhausted, feeling sick, and your body hurts because you are growing a human being inside you all the time, 24/7. I don't think you're dramatic or a crybaby, I think you're fucking strong.” He said.

"Shut up." Gwen softly whined. "You can't be nice to me when I'm a bitch to you, that's not how it works!"

That made Blake laugh, and she ended up laughing too. "At least I got you laughing now." He was proud of it.

“I'm so sorry. I was really mean." She sobbed again. "I'm losing my mind." 

"It’s ok, I was very out of touch too." He didn’t even think before accepting his part of the blame. “What’s bothering you?”

Gwen decided that dancing around the subject was not going to help anything, so she chose to tell it all at once. “A few days ago I received an envelope from the lab in the mail. It has the DNA test results inside it.” She told him and immediately started to cry again. 

Upon hearing that, Blake's heart nearly stopped. He grabbed the truck’s steering wheel and squeezed it really hard without even realizing he was doing that, while a bad shiver went up his spine. It was like his world was turning upside down and he even forgot how to breathe. In Blake's mind, there was only one reason why Gwen would be crying like that after learning the test results. Otherwise, she would be happy, he thought.

"Is she his?" He asked, terrified of knowing the answer, but at the same time knowing that doubt was eating away at him. 

"I didn't open it." She confessed in a whisper. Blake felt the relief hit him so hard that he felt dizzy. 

"God, you almost killed me." He sighed deeply and rubbed his face with his free hand that was grabbing the steering wheel before.

"We promised that we were going to open it together, right?" Gwen said quietly, as if to justify herself. “I'm not going to open it without you, but I look at that envelope every day and I feel sick. I need to open it soon or I think I'm going to be really ill.”

"Of course!" Blake understood that easily, and he felt the same. "Why didn't you tell me that before?" 

She didn't have a correct answer to that, so she just decided to be honest. "Honestly? I'm really scared."

"Me too." He confessed, and that made her feel understood. "What do you want me to do? Do you want to do this now, over the phone? Do you want me to go to Los Angeles? Just tell me what you want and I will do it.”

“No, I can't do this over the phone. What if she isn't yours and I never see you again?” Gwen tried to disguise it, but he heard it when she sobbed softly. "Can you come to me?"

"Yes, I will come to you." Blake immediately agreed.

"Ok." She sniffed.

“Hey, pretty girl?” He called. “Everything will be fine."

"I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that." Gwen asked him. "Even if everything falls apart."

"Nothing is going to fall apart." He knew he shouldn't be promising any of that, but it seemed like it was the right thing to do. "We are in this together and that won’t change, ok?"

"Won't it?" She asked again, sounding as insecure and small as when he first met her.

"Have faith in me." It was his turn to ask for something.

"I do."

“Ok, so wait for me. I will be there as soon as I can.”

“I will be waiting for you.” Gwen promised. 

  


***

  


"Hi, Mr. Shelton!" Marissa was the one who opened the door for him that night. "How are you?"

"Hey Marissa. Well I’m pretty tired." Blake replied, but smiled politely. “What are you still doing here? Isn't it too late?” He knew it was past her working hours. She usually wasn't there after 7 pm, and it was past 9 pm.

“Oh, yes, but it was my choice. I thought she would appreciate more help today, even though she never asks for it. And it costs me nothing to stay and help.” Marissa said, seeming concerned and worrying Blake even more. “But now the boys are in bed and you are here. Apollo is the only one who is still struggling, but she’s got it, she is very good at it.”

"I know." Blake sighed deeply, feeling a little guilty for being away all those days. "How is she today?"

"Ah, you know... Honestly, she looks exhausted and doesn't seem to be in her right mind these days, but she keeps her head up." The housekeeper told him, probably saying more than she should, but it wasn't all yet. "And the ex's constant visits aren't helping either."

"What? Gavin?” Blake was surprised, and Marissa's eyes widened when she noticed that.

"Oh... You didn't know." He tried not to get caught up in that thought, and he also didn’t want her to tell him any more. If there was anything to be said about that, it would have to come from Gwen.

He waved a hand in the air. "Well, I don't want to keep you here much longer, it's very late." Blake smiled politely again. "And I should go help."

"Yes, sure." Marissa agreed. "I will be leaving soon. Good evening, Mr. Shelton."

"See you later, Marissa." Blake nodded briefly and headed for the stairs.

The upstairs was quiet. He recalled that Marissa had said Apollo was still struggling to fall asleep, so he went to Gwen's room and looked for anything he could help with while she was busy. He took the full laundry basket to the laundry room and did a load, he made sure the dishwasher was loaded and running, and the sink was clean in the kitchen, and he arranged the toys he found scattered on the floor in the living room inside the toy bin. When he was finishing with that, Gwen came downstairs. 

"Oh, I didn't know you were already here." She said when she saw him. Blake didn't think she looked as exhausted as Marissa had said, but she was definitely tired. "What are you doing?"

He closed the bin and walked over to her, held her face in both hands and greeted her with a tender, quick kiss on the lips. "Hi." Blake said when he pulled his face away from hers a bit and smiled. He took the empty baby bottle and baby monitor from her hand. "I am here to take care of you before anything else." 

Gwen wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, laying her head on his chest while he wrapped her in his arms too. "I’ve missed you." She whispered.

"I’ve missed you too, pretty girl." Blake kissed the top of her head. “Can we talk?"

"Uh oh." Gwen looked up to look at him. "Was I too mean?"

He chuckled. "No, that's not it." He stroked her hair. “Come on, I'm going to put this in the kitchen and take you upstairs. I want you to take a warm bath and relax. It is not a bad conversation at all.”

"Ok." Gwen agreed, still a little suspicious. “It sounds too good to be true.” She lifted her face to look at him and Blake bent his head down to kiss her lips again, this time more slowly, but still firmly.

  


***

  


The two of them ended up in the bathtub, and of course they didn't just hangout around each other, naked, innocently for a long time. Before they knew it, their kisses became urgent, their mouths did not leave each other for a second, their tongues explored one another as if they were each other's favorite meal. They took their time to just tease and touch each other, until they couldn't take it anymore and needed to taste more.

Gwen ended up sitting on Blake, with her knees bent on either side of his body and her hips pushing forward while her torso was tilted slightly back. She used both hands to support herself on the bottom of the bathtub, behind her body, and her arms to push further and put more pressure between their two bodies as her hips rocked over him slowly and provocatively. 

“Fuck!” A low groan tore through Blake’s throat when her hips thrust forward again, and he held on firmly to her waist. “I fucking love the way you do this.” His hands went down to her thighs and he dug his fingertips on her skin, until he went up to grab her ass. “Come here.” He pulled her to him. 

Gwen leaned forward and her hands gripped the edges of the bathtub. She pressed the front of her body against his, her breasts touching his chest, and she moaned breathlessly when the change in position made Blake's length penetrate even deeper inside her. “Fuck me.” She whispered when her lips touched his neck. 

Blake gladly obeyed, grabbing her waist and lifting her slightly so he could snap his hips up and thrust against her. The water around them splashed fiercely and loudly, and spilled over the edges of the bathtub. She forced her hips down so she was putting more pressure on again, and that made Blake groan hoarsely. 

He sat down and she was riding him again. Their bodies found a steady rhythm for a few seconds, when Gwen rode him, rocking slowly over Blake's body and the two moaned almost in unison. His hands were grabbing and squeezing her ass, and he used them to guide her or hold her in place when he wanted. 

Their lips touched again and Blake brought one hand between her legs, directly to her clit. Two of his fingers made light pressure as he slowly rubbed the right spot and fucked her at the same time.

"Blake... oh god... yeah." She moaned in the most cautious way she possibly could at the moment.

"Yeah, like that.” His lips went down to her neck. “I want you to moan for me." He praised her.

She couldn't contain it anyway, but soon her moans became out of control and Blake had to use his own lips to shut her up. "Not that loud, babe." He pulled his fingers away from her clit, making her whimper in disapproval.

"I want it now." Gwen breathlessly asked. "Make me come now." 

In a quick movement, Blake pulled a fistful of her hair behind her head. It took Gwen by surprise, but it caused her a pleasurable shiver. She bit her lower lip as he watched, and he felt the lust and expectation growing inside him.

“Do you want these?” He put his index and middle fingers over her lips, sliding them provocatively. 

Gwen opened her mouth and sucked on them, teasing even more. "Yes.” She said afterwards. "I love what your fingers are capable of." 

He smirked. Blake’s hand went down and he slid his fingers up the inside of her thigh. He moved them as slowly as he could. Gwen deeply sighed and her legs shook slightly in anticipation. 

His fingers soon met her clit again, and he flicked them over it, applying more pressure. She yelped. Her hands gripped the edges of the tub more firmly and she began to thrust forward, searching for more pleasure and more contact with his fingers too. Her hips rocked and circled over his body while Blake rubbed her clit and also snapped his hips up to meet her halfway, urgently.

It happened to Gwen first, in the middle of an intense forward thrust, she felt overwhelmed by those sensations, and that tingling pleasure in her lower body got stronger and stronger, until she couldn’t ignore it anymore. 

“Fuck! I’m… coming.” She didn’t even plan to say that, it just escaped her lips together with moans and whimpers. 

Gwen cried out, and Blake responded slamming his hips into her over and over again, until she was an out of control mess.

That scene of when she fully embraced the pleasure he was causing her triggered his climax, and he had been holding it for such a long time to provide her with everything she wanted and needed in that moment that it hit him like an explosion and Blake even lost track of everything. Or almost everything, because he grabbed Gwen’s body and didn’t let go for the whole duration of his orgasm, while he thrusted against her and pushed his hip upward, pouring inside of her.

After that, their bodies slowly relaxed, still intertwined with each other. Gwen laid her head on Blake's shoulder and he leaned his back against the edge of the tub. His two hands caressed her back slowly.

"I really needed that." She breathlessly said, and sighed.

He softly chuckled. "I needed it too." Blake confessed. "I needed you." Gwen lifted her head to look at him, resting one cheek still on his shoulder. "You know I would never leave you, don't you?" He made sure to ask, although he was actually telling her something he knew he wanted to.

"I'm afraid you could." She replied in a tone that was nothing but a whisper, as if that was shameful to admit.

"That's why I wanted us to talk." His fingertips slid lovingly over the wet skin on her back. “I know you’re scared, but I am so deeply in love with you. I'm not going anywhere, no matter what is written on the DNA test results.”

Gwen felt her stomach clench. They hadn't even talked about that that night yet, even though that was the reason why he was there. But of course the envelope was in his mind, just as it was in hers. She lowered her head again and hid her face against his chest. 

Blake carefully put her hair behind her ear and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "She's our baby, no matter what." Gwen squeezed his arm lightly, feeling that conversation gradually overwhelm her. "I love you..." She whispered, like a confession. She had a lump in her throat. "I am afraid of losing you."

"You are not going to." Blake promised, and he knew it was true, as much as the results of that test meant a lot to him and were going to define the rest of his life.

After a few more minutes of laziness, they finally came out of the bathroom, and Gwen seemed somewhat more spirited when she was getting dressed. She put on a soft kimono robe and dried her hair, but that was all she managed to do before running out of energy and sitting on the edge of the bed with a tired expression again. Her 23 week baby bump was not even bigger than his two hands when they were open yet, but it was very heavy and the active baby inside her helped to consume all the energy she had, among other pregnancy side effects.

Blake soon realized that, and then came over with a hairbrush and sat down behind her to comb her hair carefully.

He thought deeply about whether he should start the matter he had in mind or not, but came to the conclusion that he needed to get it off of his chest. "So Gavin's been around, right?" Gwen had her head slightly tilted down while he combed her locks, but she held it up when he said that.

"Hm… yeah." She answered slowly and confusedly. Her head was trying to understand how he came to that conclusion. "He has visited the kids frequently."

"Don't you think it's a little weird?" Blake asked, still approaching the subject carefully.

"What do you mean?" Gwen turned towards him, forcing him to stop what he was doing.

He put the brush down. “He disappeared for a whole week when I was here, he didn't even text you, he didn't even talk to the kids. Suddenly I have to go away for a bit and he starts to show up here often. I wonder who's telling him when I'm here and when I'm not.” Blake got that all off his chest at once, and it was a relief, but at the same time, it ended up sounding somewhat harsh.

Gwen was silent for a few seconds, until she assimilated everything he said. “Probably Kingston, you know? His son." She sounded a bit sarcastic on purpose, and that was when he realized that this conversation wasn’t going to get them anywhere and that it was the complete opposite of what he wanted. He didn't want to upset her any more or give her anything else to think about, he wanted her to rest and take it easy.

"I just wanted you to tell me about these things, so that I didn't have to hear about it from the housekeeper."

"Marissa?" Gwen's eyes widened. "Marissa told you about Gavin?"

"Well, she didn't tell me, she blurted it out and she thought I knew, because it was only fair that I knew about it.” He shrugged.

"It was only fair?" Gwen frowned. “There's nothing for you to know about, Blake. These are his kids and he can come here and see them whenever he wants. I will not deprive my children of that also. Besides, he barely talks to me, I'm sure he hates me, and that's fine.” She shrugged. "Jen was here every time Gavin came to visit the boys, if you don't trust me, you can ask her."

“Hey, no. That’s not it and you know it.” He shook his head as he watched her get up from the bed and sigh deeply.

"What is it, then, Blake?" Gwen looked at him with a confused and somewhat lost look on her tired face while she absently stroked her bump, like she needed that to remind herself to take it easy. That made him want to punish himself right there. "God, that's not what I need right now."

Blake got up from the bed too and went to her. He felt really bad and needed to explain himself, because he had done everything wrong. "First of all, this is not us." He pointed to her and then to himself, indicating that their behavior was strange. "This is stress talking, and I'm not going to let that win us over." He grabbed her arms and pulled her lightly towards him, wrapping her in a hug from which Gwen did not want to escape.

“This is not jealousy, ok? I would be stupid if it was.” His arms tightened around her. "It's just that I know that he sometimes likes to hurt you, and I don't want that." He explained. "He knows I'm not going to let him do that, so he just shows up when I'm not here, which just tells me that he wants to hurt you, and I'm sorry to say that, but he knows exactly how to do that." 

Gwen slowly nodded. “Yes he does." She confessed without fearing her own words this time. “But he only spends time with the kids. Jen is here, she is watching. I’m barely around. I don't want to be around.”

"I'm sorry." Blake held her face so that she was looking at him. His thumb caressed her cheek too, meanwhile. His other arm still held her tight against his body. “I'm sorry that I don’t trust him and having him around you makes me nervous. I also didn't explain myself correctly and I’m sorry it caused you a bad feeling. I am not here to be another problem in your life, I am here so that we can overcome everything together.”

"You are not." She stood on her tiptoes so she could kiss his lips. “You are not the problem, I am. And these crazy mood swings. I never want to hurt you, but I've been so stressed out lately.” 

"Speaking of stress." Blake let go of her and went over to the nightstand beside her bed. He took the white envelope with the lab’s logo on it. “Is this the one? Let's do it, come on. Let's rip off the band aid.”

She quickly went to him and grabbed the wrist of his arm that held the envelope. "Wait, Blake, are you sure?" 

"We have to do this, right? We can't keep postponing it anymore." He took a deep breath.

Blake held the tip of the envelope and was about to rip it when the quiet room allowed him to hear Gwen's breathing become uneven. He looked at her and she looked terrified. "Hey, look at me." He called her and she did what he asked. She wasn’t crying, but she was pale and seemed like she could pass out at any time. "I love you. Nothing is going to change."

Gwen nodded in agreement, not looking the least bit convinced. "Can I do it?"

"Sure, you want to open it?" He lifted the envelope and handed it over to her. 

Gwen took it and took a few steps back to sit on the bed. Blake preferred to stand, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sit still until he was sure of the results, whatever they were. He took another deep breath, watching as she tore off the part of the envelope that was glued and opened it. Blake noticed that her hands were shaking. 

Gwen found two papers inside the white envelope, each of which had the name of the person tested and the results. She decided to get the two of them out at once, but ended up tightly closing her eyes. Anxiety and fear made her unable to even breathe properly.

"Just one little peek and it's over, Gwen." Blake prompted her. He was also afraid, but he wanted to end it all at once. He needed to know.

Gwen finally opened her eyes and looked at the papers in her hands, with both results. It was not at all difficult to read them, but before she could say anything, she started crying loudly and heavily.

Blake hurried over to her side and couldn't wait any longer. He took a good look at the papers in her hands. "What?" He had to take the results with his own hands to look more closely and be sure of what he was seeing. “She’s a _99.999%_ match with me.” Blake felt his eyes fill with tears right away as all the heavy weight of fear left his shoulders, and he dropped the papers to wrap his arms around Gwen. "She is mine. Oh God, she really is mine.”

He didn’t bother to hide his crying or the emotion he felt at that moment, and Gwen was crying too. Blake kissed her cheek and she sobbed low. 

"She is yours." She said, barely able to speak. "She is your daughter."

"This is the best thing that has ever happened in my life." Blake was openly crying, feeling such great relief in his chest that it was as if nothing else could go wrong. At least nothing that was really important, because that baby — his baby girl, officially — was all that mattered. 

“Oh, she’s kicking.” Gwen was a mess of crying and laughing.

Blake quickly got out of bed and knelt on the floor between Gwen's legs. His hands went directly to touch her tummy over the soft clothes.

“My baby girl. It's your daddy.” He softly said, full of pride, and his baby responded with another kick that amazed him even more in that moment. “That’s right. I’m your daddy.” They both ended up laughing. They were so happy. But then Blake was crying again. "I can’t believe I made you. I don’t deserve you, but I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved in my life and I will be the best I can for you. I won’t accept being anything less than what you deserve.” 

Gwen stroked his hair. She was crying again too. "You deserve all of it." She said. “How can you not see how good you are, Blake? She is so lucky. I am so lucky.” She bent forward a little to lean her forehead against his and Blake reached up to kiss her lips.

"I love you. I love you so much. Thank you.” He sobbed again, even though his lips were against hers. His hand caressed her hair and her face with devotion, as if he needed her to be his reality check. "You changed my life. If it weren't for you and her, I would still be in the hole where they threw me. Maybe I would be even deeper by now. But I'm here, I'm happy, I'm going to be a father. I finally have a future, and you make me want to be the best version of myself for you and our baby.” 

"I can’t stop crying." Gwen said, breathlessly. 

Blake chuckled and kissed her again and again on the lips. "Ok, stop crying now, you're probably scaring the baby, she suddenly became quiet." He played and got up off the floor, picking up the results papers on the bed. "You can hand this over to Gavin." He handed her the paper with the name of the other possible father, who displayed large marks of 0% compatibility in all categories. 

"Well, that should be fun." Gwen used the back of her hands to wipe the tears from her face. 

"If he says anything or is an asshole to you, let me know." Blake suddenly became very protective as he put the paper with his name back in the envelope, so as not to wrinkle it. He would keep it forever and would never forget that day. “I would love to hit his weirdly skinny face.”

"No, I mean, it should really be fun." She explained herself. "What is he going to use to threaten me now?"

"That's why I don't feel good about him being around you."

"That’s ok, Blakey." Gwen grabbed his hand and pulled him back to her. She tangled herself on him as soon as he was close enough to her, wrapping her legs around his and her arms around his waist. He was still standing and she was sitting on the bed. 

Gwen laid her head on his abdomen. "I know you have to go back to Oklahoma tomorrow, but can you stay with me tonight?" She asked in a soft voice. 

Blake stroked her back, rubbing his big hand up and down. “Of course, I'll stay with you. I came here to take care of you, remember?” He asked and she nodded.

"I feel better now. I'm so relieved that the baby is yours.”

“God, me too." He confessed and sighed. “Why don't you come back to Oklahoma with me? We can have lunch with my mom and tell her the news.”

"But what about the kids?" She lifted her head to look at him.

“It's the weekend. Let’s take them all. Why the hell not?”

"Oh my god... you are crazy." Gwen shook her head laughing. “You want me to meet your mom with all the kids hanging around?”

“Why not? My mom will love them! You have no idea how much she loves to have kids around.” He told her.

“Blake, I don’t know what to say.” She chuckled, still not believing in that invitation.

“Say yes!” He insisted. 

"Ok yes, let's go."

Blake laughed and celebrated. Then he leaned down to kiss her lips as he stroked her hair. “I can’t wait to tell everybody about _my baby_.” He bragged, proud once again. 

“Easy cowboy.” She teased.

But the truth was that neither of them could hide the happiness they felt, even if the many other obstacles on the road were still there and were very obvious. But the real danger was one their eyes had not yet seen, or had yet to assimilate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m 99.999% sure you should trust me a little more. 
> 
> Yay, with that said and done, we are about to enter a new Bloodline phase next chapter. Are you ready for the 3rd trimester?


	30. Your loving is better than gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Happy birthday, Laura (although I’m probably too late).
> 
> Attention to details so you can feed the theories.

"So it's not a house?" Kingston asked again, when they were already in the car, driving from the airport to Blake's ranch.

"No, just a big lodge and some cabins." Blake replied, dividing attention between the road and the boys' questions.

Zuma was quiet now, looking through the window absently. Apollo was sleeping in his car seat, so it was mostly just King’s questions. Even Betty was quiet, laying on the truck floor, in front of the car seat. 

"Why?" The older boy was the one who was most interested in where they were going.

"I don’t know." Blake was honest. "I bought this ranch a while ago, but I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I just built a big lodge so that I could welcome friends sometimes, and cabins so we had a place to sleep." He explained as he faced the road. Up ahead, he could already see the entrance gate to his property. “Now, with this bunch of kids coming to spend time here, I think we are going to need a more structured place.”

“Kids? You mean us?” That got Zuma’s attention. “Are we going to come here a lot?”

“If you like it and you want to.” Blake said, carefully looking in Gwen’s direction. Sometimes he still wasn’t sure what to say. She was practically laying in the passenger seat next to Blake. She had been very sick since she woke up that morning and the plane and car rides were not helping. She had her feet on top of the dashboard and her mood was also not the best, so she wasn’t talking much. “There are some pretty cool animals that live here.” Blake tried to sell that idea. He hoped his place wasn’t too boring for the boys. 

"Nice." Kingston seemed excited, more than Blake thought a boy his age would be about an empty ranch. "Will each of us have our own cabin?" The older boy questioned again.

"Oh you wish." Gwen decided to speak. She shook her head. "I will not leave you two alone in a cabin all night." She said.

Blake saw no problem, but he would never dare to open his mouth to argue with her, especially not that day. He just listened in silence.

"Why not? I don't want to sleep in a cabin with you and Blake.” Kingston crossed his arms in front of his body, frowning. "I am not a baby. You have a lot of babies already."

Gwen narrowed her eyes, staring at him through the rearview mirror. "You’ll sleep in a cabin with me, Blake, Zuma, and Apollo and that’s my final word." She no longer wanted to leave room for discussion. “I don’t care if you’re a baby or not, you’re not old enough to be alone in a cabin in the woods.”

"You don't have to be a bitch about it." Kingston grunted in a low tone.

Blake even slowed the car when he heard that.

"What did you say to me?" She put her legs down and turned toward the boys in the back seat. Zuma's eyes were wide because both of them knew very well what that word meant, or at least that it meant something bad and they shouldn’t be saying it.

"I-" Kingston stammered. "I did not mean that. I am just frustrated.”

“That’s not an excuse!” Gwen was startled, she had definitely been taken aback by that and she didn’t really know how to react. 

"It's Dad's fault, he says it all the time." Zuma accused.

"Shut up!" Kingston transferred his anger to his brother.

"Enough!" Gwen raised her voice to put an end to it. “I don't want to hear you say that word again. You will never refer to me like that, or any other woman, but especially not me. I am your mother. I don't give a damn about whoever talks about me that way, you can't. Do you understand?"

"Yes." The boy answered, but did not get rid of his frown.

And Gwen now had an even worse scowl too.

"Here we are!" Blake tried to defuse the bad vibes by announcing their arrival. It didn't work as he expected, except for Zuma, who celebrated quietly in the back seat. "What do you think of a picnic by the lake?"

"You have a lake at your house?" The middle boy asked, seeming amazed by that.

"It is not a house, it is a ranch." Kingston corrected him. "Can we swim in the lake?"

"Sure!" Blake answered. He was relieved that a normal conversation had taken place again in the car. "And we are in the middle of the summer, it’s one of the best times to swim in the lake."

"I want to swim in the lake!" Zuma excitedly said, waving his arms in the air. "Mommy, can we go swimming?"

"Sure, puppy." Gwen turned around just enough to smile at Zuma. “If Blake said you can, then that’s fine.”

Blake had just parked the car in front of the gate. “Tomorrow, when we go to my mother's house, it will be really fun. My sister has a boat and there is a much larger lake near her house.”

"This is so much fun already!" Zuma celebrated, making Gwen laugh.

  


***

  


"I'll get you!" Gwen heard Blake warning and Apollo screaming with excitement again. 

She was lying on the picnic blanket after lunch, while her boyfriend played running after her youngest son. The little boy was full of new energy after the nap he had taken and the food he had eaten. It was too much for her at the moment, and Blake knew it, so he was distracting Apollo. Plus, he enjoyed that a lot.

The sky was a beautiful shade of deep blue, and there wasn’t even a single cloud in sight. The cool breeze was pleasant, and it was a really nice summer day. The two older boys were sitting on the edge of the lake’s wooden dock, with their feet in the water. They had to wait a few more minutes to be able to swim in the lake again after they ate.

"Hey, pretty girl." Blake called, in his soft voice. 

Gwen looked at him and softly smiled. Something about the way he held Apollo in his arms and how the boy had his little hand absently holding his ear while peering in the direction of his brothers over Blake's shoulder, made her heart skip a beat.

He approached her, sitting on the edge of the towel and placing Apollo sitting on his legs. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I feel so much better now." She replied and reached out to rest her hand over his knee. Apollo leaned forward and crawled towards her. 

Blake then took her hand and stroked it lightly. "I'm sorry for what happened in the car." He said. He was still feeling weird about that situation. He understood that Kingston was a child and that that was a treacherous age, but what disturbed him was what Zuma said about Gavin, and how Blake could imagine him referring to Gwen like that in front of the kids. That made him really mad. He would protect her from the world if he could. 

"It's ok." Her fingers returned his affection, sliding lovingly over his hand as well. "It's just the worst possible moment for King to grow up, but it will be ok, I guess he had to." Apollo laid his head on her chest and his little fingers touched Gwen's chin. She took the little boy's hand and kissed it.

Apollo giggled and Blake sighed. "Well, there are a lot of changes happening in his life all of a sudden, maybe that's why he needed to grow up faster." Blake suggested carefully. 

Gwen nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I understand that. And his aggressiveness towards me is understandable too. All the changes are my fault, or at least that’s what his father says, and I'm sure Gavin makes that very clear to him too, and sometimes he believes what his father says and wants to punish me.” She explained, showing herself to be very understanding and knowledgeable about all things about her family, and even those who were no longer part of it. “But I am not going to stop educating him because of that. Every time he acts like he did today, he'll have to listen to me being a bitch.”

Blake laughed and nodded. He thought she was completely right in everything she was saying, and that gave him one more reason to want to punch her ex in the face. He also remembered something else about Kingston's behavior that he had been unable to forget. “Like with Marissa. You said he was defensive around her, maybe it's just because she is one of the changes that happened in his life.” He said that just so he could get a feel of what was going through her mind. The last time they had talked about that, she seemed to believe her son’s behavior was about something else, and Blake truly hoped it wasn’t, or that at least she wasn’t thinking about that anymore.

“I don't know... He's not like that with you. He likes you, and you were one of the biggest changes, I'm sure.” She said as she stroked Apollo's hair. “But with her, it's weird. He really seems like he doesn’t trust her and doesn’t want her around. I think it has nothing to do with her, I think it’s because of what happened between his father and... you know, the other one.”

Blake's heart ached just to know that she still felt the same way about it, and she probably was spending hours wondering what the boy might have seen or noticed to make him behave that way. He wished he could reach inside her and pull that angst out of her chest, but at that moment there was nothing else he could do but be beside her, and that was where he would always be.

"I know." He said, and quickly looked for a way to change the subject. "Look at this one, though..." His index finger tickled Apollo and the boy flinched and laughed. “He’s a cuddle bug.”

"Yes, he is." Gwen smiled and rubbed Apollo's arm lightly as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I miss when they were all little like this. At this stage, mommy is the most important thing for them. Later, not so much.” She shrugged. 

Blake wanted to laugh at that, but he thought it was best not to. Instead, he brought his hand up to her face and caressed it. "You are still the most important thing to me."

"Aww." Gwen sighed. "You are such a charmer.”

"My mom taught me." Blake laughed, making her laugh out loud too, and Apollo copied them. "Get some love." He indicated the way the little boy stroked her face just as Blake had done seconds before. "I'm going to check on the other two."

"Ok. Thank you." She said before he left.

Blake stepped out of the shade of the big tree and headed for the dock at the edge of the lake.

"Hey, guys." He approached the two other boys and also sat on the wooden board to keep them company.

"Are you having fun?" He asked when he also had his feet in the water, like them.

"Yes!" Zuma answered excitedly. "We think we just saw a group of animals pass by on the other side of the lake, right there near those trees." He pointed.

"It is very possible." Blake told him. “Just remember not to get too close to the animals, or you could get hurt. They are wild animals, they are not used to people around and they will not let you get close because they have to protect their little ones.” He explained, to avoid any kind of accident later. 

A quick laugh from Kingston took him by surprise. "Sounds like my mom." He said. 

"I don't think you mean that." Blake wanted to lecture him more directly for saying something that was supposed to be mean about his mother, but he chose to avoid that. “Oh, Zuma, I forgot! There's more ice cream in the cooler, do you want it?”

"Ice cream?" The little boy looked at him with wide dreaming eyes. "Can I have it?"

"Sure, buddy, it's in there, but ask mom first, ok?” The little boy had already gotten up and was crossing the dock towards the picnic blanket. "There are spoons in the basket."

"Ice cream!!!" Zuma ran, celebrating in an excited way. Blake couldn't help but laugh at that, but soon he was sliding over to the side, to take Zuma’s place next to Kingston.

"Do you want some ice cream?" He asked him.

"No, mom won't let me have it anyway, because she hates me now." King answered while throwing a rock into the lake.

"Your mom could never hate you." Blake told him. He picked up another rock that was stuck between the wooden boards of the dock and gave it to the boy. “Do you want to talk, King? I know that you are frustrated and I could be a friend to you.”

Kingston seemed to think about it, but in the end he shook his head. "I can't talk to you, you would tell her."

"I wouldn’t." Blake denied it. “I don't tell my friends' secrets to anyone. But it's okay, you don't have to tell me anything, I'll tell you what's been bothering me, ok?”

"Ok." Kingston agreed and lifted his head to look at Blake curiously.

"I love your mom. I really love her, she's my favorite person in the whole world. But she has been having bad days and it makes me sad, you know?”

"Yeah." The boy quickly nodded, as if he understood. 

“I was wondering what we could do to help her, because we love her, right? And it's not her fault, it's the pregnancy hormones and all the changes.” Blake kept going.

"What can we do?" Kingston asked.

"I think we could all be nicer to her, we can be helpful, we can be more understanding, we can show her a little more love and appreciation sometimes." Blake suggested and King looked away from him and threw the second rock into the river. “Just so she feels better.”

“I don’t know.” The boy seemed to lose interest in that conversation.

“Look, I know that you're frustrated. I know that she is your mother and that you know that she is not going anywhere and will always be ready to welcome and forgive you, but that doesn’t mean that we can throw heavy words on her all the time. She gets hurt too. I know what it's like to be frustrated with our mothers, believe me.” He made a funny noise with his mouth, as if to emphasize that he had been in Kingston's shoes many times before. "But believe me, it is much better when we don't fight with them."

Kingston's facial expressions suddenly became very serious and Blake thought he looked much older than he really was. “I don't mean to be mean. I don't mean to hurt her either.” The boy sighed.

“I know that, and that’s why I’m talking to you.” Blake made it clear. 

“It's just that sometimes she’s so difficult. What can I do?”

Blake thought it was funny that he was speaking as if Gwen was the difficult person there, but he didn't let it show. “Well, for a start, maybe you shouldn’t complain about the cabin tonight. Sleep with us today and I will try to convince her to let you sleep in your own room tomorrow, at my mom's house.” He promised, but not really promising anything. “She’s just scared. She doesn't know anything here yet, but she'll get used to it, and then maybe she'll let you be alone in a cabin at night. How does that sound to you?”

"Sounds better." Kingston looked up at Blake and smiled. "I think you are right."

“Thanks for helping me with this, buddy." He reached Kingston's shoulder and squeezed lightly. “I’m worried about her.” 

“Me too.” King nodded and threw another rock into the lake. This time Blake watched how far it went. "Blake?" He called out to him again when he was distracted. Blake turned to look at him. "Do you think I should apologize?"

The answer was yes. One hundred times yes. Blake thought he had to apologize to his mother, and was glad that he got to that conclusion on his own, but he wasn't going to give him the answer that easily.

He decided to turn the question into another lesson. "Well, King, do you regret it?" 

Kingston thought about that. "I was a little mean to her and I feel bad."

"Is there anything about your behavior that you can change?" Blake questioned.

"I could try not to be mean to her." The boy answered, but he seemed a little confused by all those questions. “And I won’t call her a bitch anymore.” 

"If that's how you feel, then yes, apologize to her, but change your attitude." Blake said none of that in a harsh or aggressive way, he had a friendly tone. He let Kingston think and come to conclusions on his own, but he still had a lesson to teach, and now that the boy had reached that line of thought by himself, he could finally explain it to him. “You should never apologize to a girl if you don't really meant it. And if you regret it and apologize, be sure to change your attitude for real. An apology without change is worth very little.”

"Ok." King seemed relieved to finally understand what he was trying to say. "I will be better."

"You are good, King." Blake patted him on the shoulder. "And I'm your friend, you can talk to me about anything you want."

"You too." Kingston agreed and added.

  


***

  


"What did you do?" Gwen laughed softly as Blake kissed her neck. His stubble beard tickled her and she winced whenever his face brushed hers.

Blake had just got back from the concert he had played that night, and they were outside, in front of the big lodge. It was late and the children were already asleep inside cabin number 1. Apollo's baby monitor was strategically positioned so that they could see the three boys while they were away. He had lit a fire and Gwen was comfortably sitting on his lap, as if there were no other chairs around. She had just told him how Kingston had behaved well and been so helpful all night while Blake was gone. She said that he even apologized to her.

"I was just honest with him, I told him that even though you are cranky, he has to be a gentleman." He couldn’t hold back a loud laugh.

Gwen opened her mouth in surprise. "No you didn’t."

"No I didn’t." He confessed while still having some fun with that. “But I talked to him like he was an adult, that's all. Maybe not really an adult, but as if he was older.”

"Hm..." She narrowed her eyes at him. "What did you promise him?"

"Nothing, I swear." Blake’s hand went up and he held her chin, turning her face in his direction. His lips traced their way up her jawline. "I said I was going to talk to you about letting them stay in their own room tomorrow at my mom's."

"Wait, are we spending the night there?" Gwen asked, suddenly seeming unsure. She even turned to look at him. 

"I was hoping we would, if you don't mind." He used a soft, careful voice. The same hand that was holding her chin went down to caress her arm. “It’s just easier to drive back in the morning.”

“It’s ok, we can.” Gwen saw no reason to cause any problems because of that. She leaned forward and touched his lips with hers. They exchanged a tender kiss, and when they parted, she turned back to face the fire and sat in a straight position on his lap. But Gwen's head didn't stop for a minute, and eventually her insecurities got the best of her. "Blakey?" She called quietly, but didn't look in his direction. Her eyes were staring into the high flames of the fire. Blake finished taking a sip of his beer and stroked her waist, as if encouraging her to say what she wanted. "Do you think your mom will like me?" She asked, but realized she was sounding very silly and insecure, so she explained. "Because my parents think we're crazy."

"She already likes you." Blake said, without even thinking about it. “Since Vince’s wedding, Endy has joined me in saying amazing things about you in her ear. She must think you are a goddess or something like that.” He chuckled. "Which is probably not a lie."

“Oh great! So she has a lot of expectations that I will not meet.” Gwen whined. 

Blake just wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her lightly. "She will love you." He whispered, his mouth very close to her ear. "Everyone likes you."

“As long as you like me, I’ll be ok.” She smiled and raised her arms to wrap around his, which were around her. Blake squeezed her even closer and kissed her cheek as they settled and cuddled together. “I’m sorry we couldn’t be at your concert today.” She suddenly said. “I just didn’t want to expose them yet, you know? Plus Gavin would throw a fit. He doesn’t even know we’re here.” 

“It’s ok, I know and I understand.” Blake was quick to say. He knew why she was apologizing, she wanted to be there, but couldn’t and that was enough for him to appreciate her even more, so he searched for a way to change the subject, since he didn’t want it to be another heavy thing for her to carry. "So… your parents don't like me?" He asked, teasing her.

"That is not what I said." Even though she had just snuggled up, Gwen turned around again, spreading her legs over his and sitting facing him, still on his lap. "It’s impossible not to like you." 

It was Blake's turn to narrow his eyes at her, as if he was thinking about it. "It is very possible." He got to that conclusion. 

"Shut up." She held his face with one hand and leaned forward to kiss his lips. "You don't know what you're talking about."

One kiss turned into many others, and she didn’t give him the chance to put himself down again. Soon she busied herself with just savoring him, exchanging intense kisses with exploring tongues pushing and pulling on one another. Blake's hands went under her sweatshirt, and when Gwen pulled her lips away from his, she was already panting.

"Do you want to take a shower?" She asked.

"Sounds like a great idea." His voice was hoarse when he whispered with his face very close to hers.

Gwen felt the goosebumps run up her spine, but there was something else she was worried about. "The boys will be fine, right?" She asked.

"Don't worry, the cabin’s door is closed, they are sleeping." He stroked her hair and put a lock behind her ear. "But we can take the baby monitor with us to make sure."

"Ok." Gwen bit her bottom lip and pushed her fears away. “Take me to the lodge.”

  


***

  


"Look at this, look at his face." Endy showed another picture of Blake as a child to Gwen. It had been a few minutes since they were all together looking at the old photo albums Dorothy had brought. They had just had lunch on Mike's boat — Endy's husband — and were now talking about their childhood and laughing at the memories while the kids were having fun on the lake. The boat had been just floating around since they had stopped to eat. 

Gwen laughed when she saw that Blake was naked in the picture, with his hands between his legs as if he wanted to hide, but with a naughty look on his face. "Yeah, he's still pretty much the same.” She said.

"Right?" Endy laughed out loud too.

"This is very embarrassing." Blake didn't really care, he was standing, rocking Apollo who was sleeping in his arms. "You’ll make my girlfriend break up with me, Endy." He feigned outrage nonetheless.

"Blake was a terrible child, Gwen, I hope you are ready." His sister kept on teasing.

"Oh please, I have 3 boys." She peeked over her shoulder to make sure the two older ones were behaving. They were sitting on a large float that floated tied to Mike's boat, and Ryan — Endy's daughter, Blake's niece — was with them. “I think a little girl will be easy.” She caressed her baby bump over the flowery dress she wore.

"You have no idea." Endy rolled his eyes. 

"Stop it, Endy, you're going to scare the girl." Dorothy came over and sat between the two of them.

"Here she comes to protect her favorite child." Blake's sister mocked and he laughed.

"We have no favorites among our children." Dot patted Endy's leg. "Right, Gwen?"

Blake's family was very inclusive with her, and that extended to her children too, it had been very obvious since they got there. Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo were treated like family. Endy, Dorothy and even Mike made no distinction between them and the children who actually belonged to their family. Apparently, Blake's kind way of being had come from them, and Endy was very much like him. The great sense of humor and the charming way also seemed to be a family thing.

"Right. All children are equal.” Gwen agreed.

“Right." Endy shook her head. 

"But girls are special, Gwen, you're going to love being a baby girl’s mother." Dorothy rested her hand over Gwen's hand, which was on her bump. "Blake is going to be an amazing father, I'm sure." She said in a lower tone.

Gwen nodded in agreement. "He already is."

"Tell me, he's completely in love with the baby, isn't he?" Endy asked, meddling in their conversation, but they didn't care.

"Yes, completely. He's unbelievable." Gwen sighed dreamily. “And she loves him too, you know? She gets excited just by hearing his voice.”

"Aw she'll be daddy's girl." Dorothy sighed too, and her hand slid down and rested on Gwen's tummy this time, which was initially weird for her, but she soon felt that the gesture actually meant appreciation and not invasion.

"Mom, are you crying?" Gwen suddenly heard Blake questioning and it distracted her from her thoughts. She looked at Dorothy and she really seemed to be about to cry. Her eyes were filling with tears.

"I'm sorry." Dot apologized. “I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just pray every day that this baby is Blake's. He's really good, he deserves good things, and I know that he really wants this baby. He’s so excited.”

"Mom!" Blake laughed when he saw Dorothy sniffle as she opened her heart to his girlfriend. 

Gwen, however, patted Blake's mother's hand on her tummy. “I pray too. Blake deserves all the best.” She said, and then turned to him, casting an imperative look that demanded that he had to do something. 

They had agreed that Blake would choose the right time to tell his mother the news, but she couldn't take it anymore.

"Ok, mom, enough of that, let's change the subject." Blake walked over and reached in Gwen's purse to take an envelope out of it. "There are some documents that I need you to sign for me." He placed the envelope in front of her. It was a brand new envelope, no lab logo or anything. “And yes, you can ask your lawyer to take a look, I just need you to read over it now.”

"What's this about?" Dorothy asked.

"Open it." Blake insisted, so she started to open the envelope.

Not suspecting anything, Dot took out a single simple paper and read it quickly, until she understood what it meant. "Blake!" She shouted his name, making Apollo wake up and flinch in his arms.

"Shh." He rocked the boy and rubbed his back so he wouldn't be scared. 

"Is this what I'm thinking it is?" His mother had surprised expressions and her eyes widened slightly.

"Yes." Blake replied with a smile. "There's no doubt about it anymore, she's mine."

"What?" It was Endy's turn to be surprised and pull the paper out of her mother's hand. 

"Oh my God, I can't believe it!" Dorothy looked at her son and he nodded happily. She then took a deep breath and sobbed loudly.

"Mom!" Blake laughed again, but he was also touched by that moment. 

He approached his mother and Gwen made room for him to sit beside her and took Apollo in her arms, so that they could have a family moment. 

Dorothy hugged him instantly, and Endy rubbed her brother's arm. "You are going to have a daughter, my love." Accepting the place of the pampered son he was, Blake let his mother shower him with kisses. “I always knew that you would be an incredible father. And that is what you are going to be.”

"I will give my best to her." He promised, even if he didn't need to, then he broke the hug to take Gwen's hand. “I will give my best to them. The boys too.” That was a different promise, and it was way more for Gwen than his mother. 

And just by looking at Gwen, he knew she was about to cry too, and apparently Dorothy can see that, too. "Oh honey, come here." She stood up and went around Blake to hug Gwen, even though she still had Apollo in her arms. “Thank you for our little girl and for making Blake so happy. I am so grateful for you.”

"Oh my God..." At that moment, Gwen also couldn't hold back and started to cry. 

She had no idea how that day was going to go, especially because she wasn’t sure about how she felt about giving that news to Blake's mother that way. It just sounded weird to her that they would have to present DNA test results to tell his mother that she was going to be a grandmother. Gwen was worried about what it would make Dorothy think of her before, but Blake's family never showed anything but understanding and care for her, and she felt really welcomed. She was also very grateful to feel that their daughter was already so loved, wanted, and expected by his family. 

The kind of commotion that the news had caused was something that was healing her heart. No matter what Gwen had gone through to get there, it was worth it. And she felt that things were finally starting to get on track.

"We need to celebrate!" Endy stood up suddenly. "Mike, bring the champagne!" 

A quick stir started, where people started calling the kids back to the boat while also looking for glasses and drinks, and Betty was barking at them, trying to understand what was going on. 

In the middle of it all, Blake looked at Gwen with a smile and leaned in to quickly kiss her lips. "I love you." He whispered, brushing his nose lightly on hers. 

And just like that, Gwen was no longer afraid, worried, or insecure. She was happy, she felt loved and cherished, and that was enough. She was where she was supposed to be.

  


***

  


Blake woke up slightly disoriented, but he didn't open his eyes. Even so, his instinct kicked in and he started to grope around the bed to find Apollo, afraid he could crush or hurt him, but he didn't even have to look far. The little boy was lying beside him, in the middle of the bed and one of his arms was stretched out over Blake's chest, while he was curled up on the side of his body. Still keeping his eyes closed, he stroked Apollo's back and heard the boy sigh deeply beside him, which meant he was still sound asleep.

Blake then groped the bed beyond Apollo, looking for Gwen, but all he found was her pillow across the empty space behind the little boy. He opened his eyes and searched around the dark room. It only took him a few seconds to find her on the bedroom balcony. He saw her through the closed glass door.

Gwen had her crossed arms resting over the balcony parapet and her chin was supported over them as she faced the view of the calm lake ahead. The sky was dark blue and there weren’t any clouds in it. It was an incredible contrast to the thousands of stars it displayed, and also to the white silk robe that Gwen wore and her blond hair down, slightly floating in the almost morning breeze.

Blake got up slowly, careful not to wake Apollo and put a pillow in his place, as she had done on the other side, to prevent him from rolling over and falling off the bed. The other boys were sleeping in the next room and the whole house was silent. 

Blake stared at his cell phone and it said it was 4 o'clock in the morning. Slowly again, he approached the glass door and opened it. The noise caught Gwen's attention and brought her back from her own thoughts. 

She turned to look at him. "Hey, Blakey, did I wake you?" She asked.

He came over and hugged her from behind. "No, you didn't." He kissed her face and she stroked his arms, which were now wrapped around her body. “I was watching you from the bed. You look so beautiful. I would pay any price for your thoughts, though. I hope it's nothing bad.”

“No, not bad at all." Gwen shook her head. “But this woke me up.” 

She took her cell phone out of her robe’s pocket and showed him the text message she had received about an hour earlier. 

The unknown number said: _Your baby girl will be born and you won't even hold her._

Blake read that quickly and frowned. “This is getting out of hand. Will you let me take this to the police, please?” He asked.

Gwen pouted. “Can we talk about this later? I wasn't even thinking about it. I don’t want to.” She sighed and then smiled again. “I was looking at the stars. They are so beautiful. Remember when you talked about stars being beautiful things that are born out of a mess?” She grabbed his hands and brought them to her baby bump. “I will never forget that. ”

"I can't believe you're still paying attention to my bullshit." Blake joked, putting himself down, of course. But his hands caressed her bump lovingly. 

"I thought it was so beautiful." She turned to him, but his hands never left her tummy. “I never saw stars the same way again. In fact, I never saw life the same way after you. That's what I was thinking about. You make everything so much better for me.”

Blake smiled, not because she was saying something nice about him, but because he then knew that he was somewhat good for her, and that was exactly what he wanted. “There is nothing more I want in life than to make you happy. I would spend the rest of my life trying, if I had to.”

“You don’t have to." Gwen chuckled, she just couldn’t help it. “You make me really happy. And that's not all. I felt so at home today, with your family. I felt so welcomed, wanted and loved, you know? And I know we’ve only been together for a few months, and it’s messy because we’re having a baby while we’re falling in love and getting used to it and it’s not ideal. I feel like I'm doing everything backwards, but it feels so good.” 

Blake almost didn't let her finish. One of his hands went up to her neck and he leaned down to kiss her. His other hand was still caressing her bump. 

"I feel the same way." He confessed in a whisper when he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. "I'm not used to it, but it's the best thing I've ever felt." He said in his soft voice. "I have something to tell you." Blake cleared his throat and took a step back to face her better. “I am building a house on the ranch. A big one. It's for you, and our daughter. It’s also for the boys. I don't want them to sleep in cabins anymore, I want them to have their own rooms, one for each. That way you’ll feel safer, Kingston will have his privacy, Zuma can collect whatever he wants, Apollo will grow up having his space and baby girl won’t wake them up in the middle of the night.” He told her excitedly, but very nervous at the same time. “You don't have to move to Oklahoma if you don't want to, I know you don't know anything or anyone here yet and that your life is in LA, but I need something more solid to offer you and them.” He explained, trying to say everything he wanted before hearing from her. “But if you want to live here, I will be incredibly happy, and I will feel much better with you out of that house, away from these threats.”

"Blakey!" Gwen was looking at him with surprised eyes. "I don’t even know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything now." Blake said. “You don't even have to say anything at all. I just thought you should know that I’m planning on having something better for the kids soon."

"I want it." Gwen said suddenly, almost interrupting him. “I want the house. I want to stay in Oklahoma with you. If you build it, I will live there with you. I will move here, I will do anything you want.” She laughed, just because she was really happy and no other reason at all. “Is this too crazy? It’s too crazy.”

“No!” He laughed too. "I'm already building it and it’s for you." He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the floor in an embrace. 

Gwen laughed even more, and the two of them had to watch themselves and slow down, to keep from waking the entire house up. 

They were so happy, they didn’t care about anything other than one another at that moment, and the future that they had just promised each other and that they intended to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoying the calm?


	31. You know how to get me so low

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so now we get to the serious business.

"Hi, Blakey!" Gwen answered the call through her car's Bluetooth. 

She was in line to get the kids from school. It was Monday, and a very hot summer one. She had just left the house and Apollo stayed with Marissa so she could do that faster and come back. It shouldn’t take her very long.

"Hey pretty girl." His voice sounded like a bottled up dose of happiness to her. Just by listening to him, Gwen felt warm and fuzzy. “How are you and my baby cantaloupe?” He had on the soft voice he only used to talk to her. “God I can’t believe how big she’s getting.”

“We are really good.” Gwen answered, not able to stop smiling. She slowly ran her hand over her round and firm baby bump. “The weekend was so good for us. I feel brand new, and baby girl has been so active, I feel her squirming in here. I think she misses all the different loving voices around her.”

“She so incredible.” He happily sighed. “Sometimes the fact that she’s going to be here soon hits me so hard. I can’t wait.” He sounded like he was smiling on the other end of the line, and it did something to Gwen's heart. She was so undeniably in love with him.

“16 more weeks to go.” She told him, in a content voice. That reaction from Blake would never get old for her, nor the way he was amazed by her pregnancy and his baby. It was even hard to believe that a man like him existed, and Gwen thought about that all the time.

“Listen, Adam wants us to go to his house for dinner tonight. I said I would ask you. What do you think?" He asked. "I called him to tell him we made a baby in his bathroom, but since he wants us to have dinner there, I prefer to tell him that in person."

"Oh my God!" Gwen laughed out loud while shaking her head. “Stop saying that to people. They don't need to know that the baby was made in the bathroom.” 

"But that’s the fun part." Blake laughed too. He had no intention of telling people about that — besides Adam —, but teasing her was too good.

"I prefer that you don’t give people a reason to be talking about us having sex in the bathroom at a party." She explained, as if she really had to.

"Ok, I'm not going to tell anyone else." He gave that up because he knew that pushing her further was dangerous due to her unstable pregnancy mood swings. "Adam already knows about the possibility, I just need to confirm."

"Wonderful!" Gwen mocked, but she was laughing. “Yes, of course Blakey, we can have dinner at Adam's. I will talk to Marissa when I get home, see if she wants to stay the night so we don’t disturb the kids routine.” She moved forward in line, stopping behind just one single car now. "I'll talk to you later, I'm picking up the boys and I will be home after."

“Ok, I'll pick you up later."

"Ok, bye." She hung up as soon as it was her turn. "Rossdale." She said to the woman at the school entrance. "Kingston and Zuma."

"Hmm." The woman looked at the list in her hands and frowned. With just that, Gwen could already feel her heart racing. “Sorry, they were picked up earlier. Gavin Rossdale picked them up. He's on the approved list. ”

"Gavin picked my kids up?" Gwen could not hold the surprised and somewhat desperate tone.

"Yes, is something wrong?" The woman asked, seeming startled.

Gwen took a deep breath. "No." Unfortunately the only correct answer was that one. "I guess not."

She left the school line, but drove to the school parking lot and parked for a moment, trying to think of what she should do next. It was obvious to her the reason why Gavin had done that. 

“He knows.” She whispered to herself. 

He definitely already knew that he was not the father of the baby she was expecting. But it was supposed to happen, she knew it, she had planned it herself. Gwen had mailed the papers right before they left for Oklahoma, and had chosen the fastest delivery method, so that the papers would be delivered when she was still out of town. She even paid extra because it was the weekend. However, although she already knew and planned it, Gwen was nevertheless afraid of Gavin's reaction, and now she was sure that he would do or say something about it, because he had messed with the one thing that he knew would surely allude her to him: Their children.

She had no choice, though, so she wasted no more time. She started the car again and put Gavin’s new apartment’s address in the gps, because she had only been there once or twice, and it was a confusing drive to downtown LA.

The traffic was terrible and it took about 20 minutes just for her to find a spot in front of the building to park. Gwen got out of the car silently thanking herself for leaving Apollo at home that day. She took some time trying to remember the apartment number and cursing her own memory, but the doorman opened the gate for her and then showed her the right way. Gwen wondered if he simply thought that a woman of her stature, also clearly pregnant, was no threat to anyone or if Gavin had already let him know that he was waiting for her that day.

It was an anxious and nervous ride to the top floor, and as soon as the elevator door opened and she stepped out, she saw that Gavin was already waiting in front of the open apartment door. She froze halfway and they both just stared at each other in silence. 

The elevator door behind Gwen closed and she felt suddenly suffocated, as if she was cornered. "Tell my kids I'm waiting here, please. I’m taking them home."

"No." Gavin briefly said.

Gwen suddenly almost burst with anger. She even felt her cheeks get hot. _How dare he?_

She took her phone out of her purse. "I'm calling the police, then."

"We need to have a serious conversation." He took a step back and opened the apartment door wider. "You better get in." Gavin's tone was serious this time, as if he was trying to actually be the adult he was supposed to be, nothing like the threatening and uncontrolled tone he had in the last few conversations they had.

That ended up convincing Gwen that maybe she should give him the chance of a decent last conversation between adults, even though she already imagined that he was just going to talk nonsense to try to hurt her now that he could no longer use her unborn baby to do that. 

“Ok, you have 10 minutes. I have some place else to be.”

Gavin pointed towards the interior of the apartment. Gwen put the phone back in her bag and then walked inside. He closed the door after she was in.

"Mom!!!" Zuma ran to her as soon as he saw her. "You are here. This is so cool, do we get to hangout with you and Dad at the same time?” The little one was very excited, he cupped her bump and kissed the top, as he would always do to greet her.

"Not now, little man." Gavin answered instead of her. “Mom and Dad have some grown up stuff to talk about first, ok? Can you go upstairs?” His apartment was on the top floor and had two floors. Upstairs were the children's rooms and the outdoor leisure area, with a swimming pool.

"What's this about?" Kingston also approached, already asking questions. He had worried features.

"Nothing interesting, just things we have to sort out." The boy's father explained. “Nothing fun, either. I'll call you when it's over. Why don't you go play some video game?”

"Okay." Zuma agreed and left his mother's arms after one last cuddle.

Kingston didn't seem excited at all, but he still obeyed his father and went upstairs with his little brother.

"Please, sit." Gavin invited her when they were alone again. “Do you want anything to drink? You look kind of sick, are you sure you're ok?”

"Really?" Gwen shot him an offended look. “I was feeling great so far. You can't just kidnap our children like that.”

"Funny you should say that." He approached the coffee table to get the glass of water that was up there and drank the rest of its contents. “I went to our house on Saturday and didn't find you there. Your new housekeeper told me that you were out of town, with my kids, and would be back on Monday. I don't remember you telling me about that, since we're talking about kidnapping.” He shrugged. "She didn't tell me where you went, but I have an idea."

She was guilty of that, she couldn't argue. "And what do you want after all, Gavin?"

"Oh yeah..." He held his index finger up, as if he had just remembered something, and then moved away to get something that was left over a piece of furniture. "I got the envelope you sent me." Gavin showed the open envelope with the lab logo and placed it on the table, then he handed Gwen a blue folder. "And since we are exchanging documents, these are for you." 

She took the folder with some curiosity, pushed the rubber bands and opened it, then she read over it. “Divorce papers? Really?"

"Yes, I think it's time." Gavin nodded. "But read carefully, my lawyers and I have made some adjustments." 

Gwen was so excited that he was finally agreeing with that, that she took a few steps back and sat on the couch to read the corrections made by Gavin's lawyers with attention. They were all highlighted, so it was easy to find.

“I don't want money, I don't want a pension, I don't want that house or anything, I just want-" He was explaining, but he was suddenly interrupted by her.

"You want custody of the kids." Gwen looked at him, unable to believe it. “What?”

“Don't worry, I won't forbid you to see them. You will be able to keep them 2 weekends a month and half the summer.” Gavin explained, as if that was an advantage for her. “Other than that, my house is open for you to visit whenever you feel like.”

“Is this a joke? Forget it, I'm not going to sign this. ” Gwen was looking at him as if he was crazy, but she couldn’t ignore that discomfort in her stomach, caused by that insistent feeling that there is still much more to come from that.

“There's more there. There is a clause that specifies that if you move anywhere outside California, you are giving up the children and I gain full custody.” He pointed to the folder and Gwen closed it. “I put that there because of your recent trips to Oklahoma. If you decide to move there, to live with your boyfriend, fine, but the children stay with me. It works both ways, though, I won’t be able to leave California either. We will be glued to each other forever, honey.”

"I'm not even going to read this anymore, it's absurd." Gwen put the folder on the table and got up from the couch. "What made you think that I would ever sign this?”

"That's a good question." Gavin had a pretentious smirk on his face. It was very obvious that he was enjoying all of that. “Zuma! Come here, little man.” He called, making Gwen get even more confused.

The little boy soon showed up and went down the stairs towards his parents. "Yes, Daddy?"

Kingston followed him, but stood at the top of the stairs, at a safe distance.

Gavin leaned over and put an arm around Zuma's shoulders. "Zums, tell Mom what you told me today about how Blake gave you a shower in the middle of the night when she was sleeping."

Gwen gasped. "Gavin!"

"Wait!" He raised his voice to interrupt her. "Tell her Zuma." 

The boy was clearly disturbed by that request and started to stutter. "I- I was... I woke up and went down the stairs." He started to tell. Gwen saw the boy's cheeks turn red. "I don't know, I was sleepy." He sobbed softly and started to cry. "Mommy?”

"Oh God… No, baby, it’s ok, come here." She called him and opened her arms. Zuma ran to her. Gwen sat on the couch again to comfort him and hugged him tight. “Mommy knows what happened. You had an accident, remember?”

"Hm… Yes, I…” He seemed to remember, but hesitated for a second, looking in his father’s direction and sounding really embarrassed. “I wet my bed. I'm sorry, Daddy."

“He sounds confused, in my opinion. He sounds like a very confused 7 year old boy.” Gavin intruded. “Maybe he doesn’t understand what happened. I'm still very concerned about that night." 

“Shut up!” Gwen whispered through her teeth. “You’re a monster. Look at him, he’s afraid of you. What are you trying to do?”

“I’m protecting him!” He answered, like it was obvious.

Gwen stroked Zuma's hair. "Gavin, you have no idea what he's going to go through if you go ahead with this absurd accusation." She was even feeling a little dizzy, as if someone had slapped her in the face and she was still disoriented. “We both know that you are not doing this because you are concerned about anything. I can't believe you are going to put your child through this because of revenge. You're only doing this because you know you're going to make Blake walk away if you accuse him of something so monstrous.”

“Don't you want me to go ahead with this? Sign the papers. Isn't that what you wanted?” He remained centered, as if nothing she was saying could affect him. “I don't know Blake, I don't know anything about his actions or reactions, and maybe that's the problem. Also I don't care if he will walk away or not, I couldn't care less about him, but I want my kids and I want to make sure they are in a healthy environment. What happened that night seems far from normal to me, and I will look forward into that if you don't sign these papers. With that and the fact that you are unfaithful-”

“I am what now?” Gwen interrupted him. At that point she was already shaking with anger and fear, even though Zuma was still crying in her arms.

"Unfaithful. And I can prove it, since you say you're pregnant with another man's child.” Gavin finished speaking and then turned to face Kingston at the top of the stairs. “Did you know that, King? Your mom's baby isn't mine, it's probably Blake's, but who knows?” He exposed it without any regret in sight. “And you know she was pregnant before I left the house, so that means she already had another man before the whole divorce story.”

"That is not true!" Gwen was so surprised that she had no reaction at first, and even stuttered. Finally she let go of Zuma and got up from the couch. "You had no right to have done that."

"I don't fucking care." Gavin replied rudely. “Like I was saying, between what happened to Zuma, your infidelity, Blake’s drinking problems, and all the tabloids chaos, me and my lawyers are very confident we can give the children a better home if they are away from you and your chaos.”

Kingston made his way down the stairs. “Come, Mom. We should go now.” He was agitated and seemed scared.

She decided there that she wouldn’t fight in front of them anymore. "Yes, we are leaving now." She immediately agreed. "Grab your backpacks."

"Wait... About the baby." Gavin still had one last thing to say. 

"This baby is out of your reach." Gwen got really protective and crossed her arms in front of her baby bump. 

"Well, we’ll see." He smirked again, because he had another card up his sleeve. “My lawyers are filing for an amniocentesis request, to prove that this baby really isn’t mine. I don’t trust your clinic and their stupid DNA test.” 

“I won’t get an amniocentesis done, Gavin.” Gwen wasn’t even surprised with any nonsense that came out of his mouth anymore. “There’s a risk it could hurt the baby and even cause a miscarriage.”

He shrugged. “I know the judge will grant my request. I have the right to know if the baby is mine.”

“It’s not!” She almost screamed at him. “No judge is going to make me stick a needle in my tummy, violating my body and risking my baby's life because of your stupid whims. I gave you a legitimate DNA test, you have the results. It’s over.”

“Wait and see.” Gavin still seemed to have fun with that. “Oh and take these.” When she turned to leave, he took her arm to hold her and stuffed the folder with the divorce papers in her purse. "You will want to sign them soon, trust me."

"Dad, please." Kingston begged.

"You should be ashamed of that." Gwen scolded him, mainly because everything was happening in front of the children.

Gavin took his hands off her, complying with Kingston's request and finally letting them go.

  


***

  


A light tap on the bedroom door made her raise her head.

"Gwen?" The voice called for her, low and calm, still outside.

Gwen could barely open her eyes due to how much she had been crying. She felt like her whole face was swollen. When she lifted her back straight, her entire body ached, and she noticed that she had been laying on the floor in a fetal position for too long. She rubbed her hands over her face and got rid of as many tears as she could.

"Come in." She said, but stayed sitting there, between the dresser and the bedroom’s couch, with no strength to get up at all. 

"Hey." Marissa went in slowly, but didn’t go too far, she stood by the door. "Zuma and Apollo are in bed, and Kingston is finishing his homework in his bedroom." She informed her. “There's food in the fridge, if you're hungry.”

Gwen was very hungry, her stomach had just reminded her of that. She had thrown up so much when she got home that she probably didn’t have a single ounce of nutrients in her. Her body was even shaky.

“Thank you, Marissa. You are such a great help. I really appreciate you.” Even though her voice was breaking, Gwen thanked her. "You can go, I'll make sure Kingston goes to bed on time."

Marissa took a few more steps into the room, moving closer to her. “Blake called. He called Kingston's phone, the one you asked me to help you monitor.” She thought it was best to explain. “I don't know if I did the right thing, but I answered it. He was worried about you because you haven't answered the phone for hours.”

"Oh, I don't even know where my phone is." Gwen thought about it for a second. "I think it's still in my bag."

"I told him that you weren't doing very well tonight." Marissa confessed. “Sorry, but I hate to see you like this. Blake isn't the problem, is he?”

"No." Gwen said, in a low tone, feeling like crying all over again. "Blake is never the problem."

"Good. He said he was on his way anyway.” Marissa told her.

“Oh god, the dinner at Adam’s." Gwen tried to get up off the floor too fast and ended up getting dizzy and falling back again, slamming her back against the wall.

Marissa ran to help her. "Are you ok?"

"Yes." Gwen answered, but she could no longer hold that feeling of worthlessness she felt. She sobbed loudly. “I can't even control my own body anymore. Gavin wants to control my life now that he is no longer part of it and I can’t do anything because he is playing really dirty.” She cried, not even caring that she was venting all that to someone who had nothing to do with the story.

"What can this man possibly want now?" Marissa seemed surprised and annoyed.

“He wants Blake out of the picture, that's what he wants. And I don't know what to do, because he's threatening to do something that I know is going to freak Blake out. It’s so fucked up that it might really scare Blake off.”

"Ok, let's get off this floor first." Marissa took Gwen's arm and helped her to her feet. "It can't be comfortable for you or the baby."

"You are right." Gwen softly sobbed and rested an open hand on her belly. The baby kicked her right back, as if she wanted to say that she was there and that she was fine. "I'm so sorry." Gwen whispered to her.

"I'll get you some water, and something for you to eat, ok?" Marissa helped her sit on the edge of the bed. "I will stay until Blake gets here, if you don't mind."

"Thank you, Marissa." Gwen whispered, staring at the floor instead. After all she had told her and the state she was in, she was feeling somewhat ashamed.

"I'll be right back." The helper made her way out of the room and gave her some privacy again.

  


***

  


Blake was grateful to be in Los Angeles that day, even if it wasn't something that happened often. In fact, before Gwen it had never happened, he always preferred to be in Oklahoma rather than LA, but with their new relationship and their baby on the way, he was starting to see some advantages in spending more time in the big city, even if he hated it. But that wouldn't be a problem for much longer, since he was building their house in Oklahoma and wanted it to be ready before the baby was born. Soon they would have their home and would only need to return to LA for work and to visit. He couldn't wait for that.

On the other hand, something about that night was strange. He had spoken to Gwen on the phone a few hours earlier and she seemed fine, but between that call and now, something had happened to make her feel whatever she was feeling. He didn’t know much, but he knew she was locked in her room and didn’t answer the phone — according to Marissa she wasn’t eating and was crying — and it scared him very much. 

Blake drove down the street to her house, distracted by his own thoughts. The houses were huge there, and he swore that each gate was about a mile away from the other. So much for friendly neighbors. They probably didn't even know each other there, and they most likely were all celebrities who saw each other in other places all the time.

He saw Gwen's gate in the distance, and usually he just stopped the car and entered the code to get in, but this time he just slowed down and focused on the strange person he saw in front of the house. It was a man, dressed all in black, and he was peering through the gap in the gate. Blake accelerated and quickly maneuvered the car in the narrow street, stopping in front of the gate so that it would block the stranger's path in case he tried to run away.

The man turned around, startled. Blake could see in his eyes that he thought the car was going to crush him against the house gate, but he braked before he actually hit him.

"Who the fuck are you?" Blake got out of the car already shouting at the man to intimidate him.

"Relax, man, I'm lost and I was just looking for a house number." The man opened both hands in front of his body, as if to protect himself. 

But Blake knew it was a lie, because he recognized him. "Do you think I'm stupid?" He asked as he got close enough to grab the man by his shirt. “I've seen you before.”

"Hey, take your hands off me." The man tried to push him, but Blake was bigger and stronger than him.

“I saw you following my girlfriend at the restaurant the other day.” He pulled the stranger closer. “Who are you? I don’t have the patience to keep asking.”

"You are crazy." The man grabbed his arms, trying to make him let go of him. "Get off me."

"Who are you?" Blake asked again. "What do you want?"

"What's going on here?" Marissa showed up at the gate, seeming startled.

“If you don't say something now, I'll tell her to call the police." Blake warned him.

“You have nothing against me, you maniac. You saw me at a restaurant once and now you found me lost on the street. I wasn't doing anything either time. What do the police have to do with it?” The stranger asked. "But fine, call the police, so I can tell them that you are assaulting me for no reason."

“Blake..." Marissa called, pulling him out of the angry trance he was in. "I think you better let go." 

Blake let go of the man, pushing him slightly backwards to make him stagger on purpose. "Fine, get out of here and pray that I never run into you again, because if I see you hanging around my girlfriend again, I don't know what I'm capable of." The man straightened his shirt and started to walk away, having to walk around the car to get out of there. "I have pictures of you from that day, I bought them from the paparazzi, now I have you on camera too." Blake pointed at the camera facing the house's gate. “If you show your fucking face here again, I will take it all to the police."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh... it’s on!


	32. You know what they say, the high will never last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who got the lighter? Let's spark the fire.
> 
> I mean... Puzzles. Let’s put some puzzles together.

"He wants you to do what?" Blake's voice suddenly grew louder and more offended.

Gwen lifted her head to look at him. They were both sitting on the bed, he was behind her, and she had her back against his chest. “I won't have that done, I already told him. I did the DNA test, he already has the result, I won’t do anything else for him.” She made it clear. 

Blake had his arms around Gwen's body, giving her all the support she needed, both emotionally and physically, because he knew she was very upset with Gavin's latest doings, even though she seemed way better now than when he arrived. He would rather not even think about how he found her when he got to her house, because it made him want to beat Gavin up until he was as hurt as she was in that moment. Now Gwen had already eaten something, had the courage to show him the divorce papers her ex gave her, and was finally talking about everything that had happened.

"I can kind of understand that he wants to use his children to scare you, because he is a coward, but why is he insisting on the baby that he already knows is not his?” His hands went up and down her arms. He stroked her absently while he thought about that.

“He is angry because he can no longer use our unborn baby to upset me. And also, because it is now proven that we made a baby while he and I were still not officially separated. He's not the type of man to forgive that easily.” Gwen explained, leaning her head back down and staring at the carpet under their feet as she settled better in Blake's arms.

"Well, he's a stupid hypocrite." He was tired of dealing with Gavin’s problems and threats. “Wasn't it his mistress who got pregnant first? Before you split up too? And what about all the years that he lied to you and cheated on you?” Blake gradually became more irritated again. “He fucked your kid’s nanny inside your house."

"Shh.” Gwen turned around to cover his mouth with one of her hands. "I know. I know all of this better than anyone else, but it's not that simple. ”

"What do you mean?" He asked, carefully brushing her hair to one side of her neck so he could rest his chin on her other shoulder. 

Gwen just leaned her head against his. "He's threatening me." She confessed in a low voice.

“Of course he is, but whatever it is, we can get around it. You are not signing these papers.” Blake pushed the folder with the documents rectified by Gavin's lawyers away.

"He's threatening you, too." This time Gwen's voice was so low that it sounded like a whisper.

"What? Threatening me with what? He doesn't even know me.” He didn't seem to take it too seriously.

Gwen then undid the embrace they were wrapped in and turned to face Blake. "Before I say anything, do you promise to stay and listen to everything I have to say? Because this won’t sound good.”

"What?" This time he seemed to understand that it was serious. "What is it, Gwen?"

She was really afraid, but decided that it was better to tell him at once. "Do you remember that first time you slept here?" She asked, feeling her body tremble slightly again as she spoke. "That Zuma had that bed wetting accident and you helped him?"

"Yes." Blake confirmed it. He remembered it, of course, but he was confused.

“I think Zuma told Gavin about what happened, but he is so scared of him that he left the bed wetting detail out, because he thought Gavin was going to be mean to him for still wetting his bed. So he just said that you gave him a shower, and Gavin is trying to use that against us.”

"Use what?" Blake seemed even more confused for a second, but then little by little she saw his eyes widen as he took in that accusation. "No! No, Gwen, I didn't bathe him, I just turned on the water, made sure it was warm, and then I left him in the bathroom and went to the bedroom to change the sheets. I didn’t stay in there with him.” He even got up from the bed when he started to explain himself. He was retracing all the steps he had taken that day in his head. “I got him clean pajamas and helped him get dressed later, but that was it, I didn't-”

“I know that! My God, Blake, of course, you didn't do any of that.” Gwen also ended up getting off the bed. “I would never accuse you of something like that. We know that you did nothing more than take care of Zuma when he needed it, even Gavin knows, he's only using that because he knows he's going to hurt me.” She stepped forward to put her hand on his shoulder, as if she wanted to show him her support physically too. “And he knows that if something will ever make you walk away, then maybe that’s it.”

"Well, I won't let him do that, he will pay for what he’s doing.” Blake snarled through his teeth. "He can’t prove that any of this nonsense makes sense, because it doesn't."

“Yes, he can't prove it, you're right. But I can’t let these accusations go forward. The things that Zuma will go through if there is an investigation... I don’t even want to think about it.”

"Son of a bitch! I'm going to break his face." Blake couldn't even stand still anymore, he was pacing the room.

"Please don't. If you do that, it will give him more reasons to go ahead with this madness." Gwen sighed. "And it will give him proof too."

"Fine, but I can't just stand here, I have to do something, Gwen." He ran his hands over his face. "I'm really tired of Gavin." Blake took his phone from over the dresser and put it back in his pants pocket, getting ready to leave.

"Wait, are you really leaving?" Gwen panicked a little bit, not because she didn't want to be alone or because she needed Blake to take care of her, but because she knew he would probably get in trouble if he were left alone at that moment. “No, don’t go. Please stay with me."

He sighed heavily. “I will be back soon. I just need to get some air outside, and call someone. A lawyer or something. I feel like my head is going to explode.” Blake couldn't stay there and do nothing. 

He finally took the courage he needed and headed for the bedroom door.

"Wait, Blake!" Gwen called. 

"Please, I can't stay here now." If he was honest, he felt a mixture of anger and sadness that seemed to be eating him alive. He needed to do something, but he felt useless for not knowing exactly what he should do.

Blake closed the door, not even looking behind anymore. He left the room decided to leave the house, and when he found himself alone outside the bedroom door, he felt like punching a wall, or maybe shouting as loudly as he could, but he knew he couldn't do any of that, and it was killing him, that was why he needed to leave. 

Blake felt his eyes fill with tears as he crossed the hallway, and his breathing became ragged to the point that his chest hurt. He felt so insulted, so sad and at the same time so unfair to Gwen too. He knew he was hurting her by leaving her alone when she needed him, but he also needed time to think and organize his thoughts. He felt like he was giving his all for something, but it still came back to punch him in the face.

“Blake?” He heard the low voice call out to him across the hallway as soon as he reached the stairs, and he hadn't even realized that Kingston was standing at his bedroom door until that moment.

“Hey, buddy, I'm leaving. Can we talk later?” Blake was not looking in his direction. He was afraid that the boy would notice that he was crying.

"Are you leaving forever?" King questioned in a low whisper that Blake was only able to hear because the house was in absolute silence. 

He was already going down the stairs, but stopped and went back up to the hallway. For the first time, Blake asked himself what he was doing. Was he leaving forever? Of course not. He couldn't, even if he wanted to.

"No, buddy, I'll be back soon." He promised because he knew it was true.

"Please, don't leave her." Blake heard the exact moment Kingston's voice broke a little and he sobbed softly. “She's way happier when you're around and you said you loved her. It's not her fault, my dad is lying, I know that.” 

Blake moved forward to the boy's bedroom door when he heard that. "What do you mean by that?" He focused on the end of King's statement, even though there were a lot of things in what he said that Blake wanted to explain to him.

"Zuma didn't tell him about what happened." Kingston confessed. “I know he didn’t. You slept here before going to Oklahoma, right? Then you spent a week away and we stayed at home with Mom. Dad came to visit a few times, but Zuma didn't tell him anything, I know that because I was with Dad all the time, I didn't leave his side, I- I don't like it when he's here anymore."

"Ok, slow down, buddy." Blake was trying to keep up, but Kingston seemed both afraid and anxious. He rested one hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Ok.” King took a deep breath. “Then you came back and we went to Oklahoma and got back on Monday, then he picked us up from school. I was with Zuma the whole time in his apartment and Zuma said nothing.” He was agitated again. "It wasn't Zuma, Blake, someone else told my dad.”

That was all new information for Blake and it didn't match with what Gwen had told him, which made him think she also didn't know any of that, and that meant Kingston was trusting him with something he hadn't even told his mother. However, Blake remembered very well the night when Zuma had that accident, the little boy was terrified and very embarrassed, he couldn’t imagine that he would have told any of that to anyone, unless it was someone he trusted. So maybe Kingston was right. Maybe Zuma didn’t.

"Can you think of someone Zuma might have told?" Blake asked King.

"No, not really. If he didn’t tell Mom, he wouldn’t tell anyone else." The boy seemed to think deeply about it. “But Dad would be really mad at him if he told him, Zuma knows that. He also wouldn't tell me because I would laugh at him.” Kingston sighed, seeming exhausted, and Blake understood that the boy had been thinking about that since the fight between his parents happened, and that was a huge burden for a child his age.

“Ok, buddy, thanks for telling me all of this. Now let me take care of that, ok? I will find out how your father knows about that and I will take care of it.” He patted the boy on the shoulder. "You were a big help, but it's time for you to go to bed, ok?"

"Ok.” Kingston agreed and took a few steps back, backing into the room. “I’m trying to take care of mom, like you said we should.”

"You’re a good boy." Blake said and the boy looked at him. “We will fix all of this. Thanks for helping me."

Kingston nodded and smiled weakly, still seeming worried, but he followed Blake's advice and entered his room, closing the door soon after.

Blake took a deep breath before facing the staircase ahead again. He still didn't have a plan and after that conversation with Kingston, he had even more questions in his mind. He wanted to take that night to think about all of that and organize his head, so maybe he could plan the best way to defend himself and defend all of them against Gavin, but the slightest glance he gave to the other side of the corridor, towards Gwen's room, made him want to give it all up and stay with her, like she had asked him.

Blake took a deep breath again, but the light that escaped through the crack under the door was bothering him. He couldn't do that, he couldn't leave her and risk hurting her even more. It wasn't fair to her.

"Damn it!" He sighed as he turned toward the hall again, leaving the stairs behind once and for all.

Blake decided to put any thoughts aside as he crossed the hallway, but as soon as he stopped in front of the bedroom door, he even held his breath. He lightly knocked twice, but regretted it the next second. He didn't want her to dismiss him right there at the door, so when he got no response, he decided to turn the knob and enter anyway. As soon as he opened the door, he found Gwen sitting on the edge of the bed, and from the look of surprise in her eyes, it was obvious that she didn't expect it to be him at the door, let alone that he would open the door and walk in like that.

"I'm sorry. I was overwhelmed.” Blake went on to explain, making it clear that he regretted leaving her alone, but he felt like an idiot, not because he was admitting a mistake, but because she had red eyes and a tear-stained face again, and was holding a box of tissues over her lap as if it was the last support she had. “I am not leaving you. Not today, not ever."

Gwen took a few seconds to react, but then she sobbed slightly and nodded. 

Blake then took a step forward and went inside, closing the door behind him, before heading towards her. “I'm really sorry." He said again when his arms wrapped around her in a tight hug. Gwen was crying hard again. “I know what he wants. He wants to drive us apart. He wants me away from you, because he wants you to be alone again, that's how he controlled you all this time, keeping you away from other people, cornering you. He won't do that anymore. He's not going to get what he wants. I’m here, we’re going to fix this, ok? You are not going to sign these papers, they are ridiculous.”

She sobbed loudly again, in a painful mixture of fear and relief. "I don't know if I have another option. I can’t let him hurt Zuma.”

"I have a plan." That wasn't entirely true, but Blake started to plot a plan right there, as if his mind was working better now that he had Gwen in his arms, safe and sound. He wouldn't be able to think about anything else if he was thinking about her and how she would spend that night alone. He was happy to have made the choice to stay. "We are both going to hire lawyers, the best in the business, and we are going to put the two of them to work together for a solution." He explained. “Do you think you can buy us some time with Gavin until the lawyers can show us the best way to go.”

"Yes." Gwen didn’t even have to think about that. She spent a big part of her life dealing with Gavin, she knew how to do that very well. "I can buy us some time." She stated, nodding her head.

"Ok." Blake placed a soft kiss on the top of her forehead. "He won't hurt you anymore, it's over. He won’t hurt any of you.”

Gwen put her legs up on the bed and snuggled closer to Blake. He kept both arms around her. "Thank you." She sniffed.

"Hey, let me ask you something." Blake tilted his head down to look at her. "About that night and Zuma's accident-”

"Blake, I know." Gwen interrupted him. “This is just crazy. You don't have to prove or explain anything to me, I know you.”

"Yes, but did he tell you anything about that night?" Blake asked. "Did he tell you that he wet his bed?" 

She thought about it for a second. "Hm no, he didn't tell me, why?" 

That was the confirmation that Blake needed. "Do you think he would tell Gavin?" Gwen was frowning, thinking about that still, but he didn't wait for her answer. “No, he wouldn't. He asked me not to tell anyone because he was ashamed. He didn't even tell Kingston.” Blake was as agitated as King when he told him about that. “Zuma didn't tell Gavin, Gwen. Someone else did.”

“What do you mean by that?" Gwen's eyes widened. "Who?"

"I don’t know yet. Who else knew?” Blake questioned. “I told you and no one else, I know you didn't tell Gavin. Only me, you, and Zuma knew. Did you tell anyone else? Would Zuma tell anyone else?”

"I don't think he would tell anyone." Blake’s questions were all starting to make sense to her now. "I told Jen, but she wouldn't tell Gavin, she hates him."

"Ok..." Blake was the one who frowned this time. "How did you tell Jen?"

"What do you mean?" Gwen had her head tilted up, looking at him still. 

“Were you on the phone? Did you tell her in person? Where were you two?” He explained, almost letting his anxiety show.

"In person." She said.

"In person? Here at your house?” He insisted on more questions.

"I don't know, I..." She paused and looked down, but then looked up again. “Yes, here at the house. You were in Oklahoma, Jen and I took the kids to school and then we came here.”

“Ok, good!" Blake praised her. “So you came here. Just you and Jen? Who else was here? Was Gavin here that day? You said that Jen was here every time he came to visit.”

"No." Gwen thought harder. “He wasn’t here. It was just me, Jen, Apollo, and Leo. It was the day I got the test results.” She opened her eyes wide. “Marissa. Marissa was here. She gave me the mail. She was around. ”

“Fuck, I had this feeling for a long time.” Blake cursed. 

“A feeling?” Gwen questioned.

“Yeah, like a weird feeling towards Marissa. I don’t think I like her, and Kingston doesn’t like her either.” Blake explained. “I have to trust my instincts more.”

"This can’t be real." She shook her head. "Not again." She let go of the hug to run her fingers through her hair. “What do we do now?"

"We handle with care." Blake said, looking at her with a hopeful look. “We can’t do anything now, we’ll watch and be careful until we're sure, ok? We can't let that turn against us.”

“Ok." Gwen agreed, as much as she had a horrible feeling about that. “What’s wrong with me, though?” She asked quietly, as if it was much more to herself than to Blake, but he heard it, and he knew very well what it was about. She was probably wondering how many times Gavin and the help would turn on her and ruin her life. “I’m so sorry he’s accusing you of such a monstrous thing that you’d never do.” She changed the subject, of course. 

"We are going to fix this, ok?" He handled it carefully, as he said he would, but he didn’t want to talk about how he was feeling in that moment. "I promise you. That's an advantage we have over them, if it's true.”

"Ok." Gwen took a deep breath. "I trust you."

  


***

  


It was a beautiful summer morning. The whole week had gone by pretty fast, and it had boiled down to meetings with lawyers and avoiding Gavin and Marissa for Gwen, but things were finally settling down and looking a little more like what was normal, especially when Todd and Jen — and their kids — arrived that Saturday morning, for a calm and fun day among trusted family members. 

Gwen finally felt safe and relaxed for a few hours, while they enjoyed the day and talked in the backyard, as the kids played. Jen was in the pool, taking care of the younger ones, and Gwen had spent part of the time with her, but had just got out to get refreshments for the children. She took the older ones out of the pool to drink some juice and apply more sunscreen, then she got Blake and Todd another bottle of beer, who had been talking for hours, on the sun loungers around the pool. 

"What are you two up to?" She asked when she offered them the bottles. They accepted it, of course. 

“I'm showing Todd your stalker’s photos and videos. He agrees with me that we should have security in front of the house gate.” Blake took her hand and pulled her carefully to him, bringing her to sit on his lap. Gwen settled there and and peered over Todd's shoulder to check the iPad in his hand. 

She was wearing a bathrobe over her swimsuit, but it was partially open, and Blake put his hand inside to rest it on her baby bump. He didn’t even notice when he did that anymore, it was an automatic gesture for him now, and one he loved to do. His other hand rested over her leg when he put the beer bottle down.

"I don't want to have anyone else coming to the house, even if it's security." She said. “I don't trust anyone else. We already have Marissa here and we don't trust her.”

He understood that, and he was also having a hard time trusting anyone at the time, just as he couldn't get away from Gwen for long. He was supposed to be going to Oklahoma that week, since they would soon be going live with ‘The Voice’ every week — due to Gwen's pregnancy they were rushing everything and would do a shorter season, so there was no risk of the baby being born while they still had work to do — and he would be stuck in Los Angeles for a couple of months because of it, and then a couple more with the baby’s arrival, but still, he just couldn’t leave her, so he hired someone to take care of his property in OK, so he could stay in LA for all the time he needed without having to worry about one more thing that was out of his reach. 

"It's ok, I got you." Blake kissed her cheek and it made her smile right away. "I will be the security guy."

"I'm fine with that. Do you have a uniform?” She asked and they both laughed. Their lips were attracted to each other like there was a magnetic force pulling them together. 

"This video is so weird." Todd suddenly interrupted the sweet moment they were having. "You said someone is leaving messages in the mailbox, right?" He asked, turning the iPad in the direction of the other two. "Is it me or does he avoid going anywhere near the mailbox?"

Blake frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, doesn't it look like it’s staged?" Todd showed it to him, rewinding the video of the stalker at Gwen's house gate to the point he wanted. “He walks by, hides his face from the camera and keeps looking up the street the whole time. It's like he knows you are coming and is waiting for you.”

"Do you think he knew I was coming?" Blake asked, quite concerned. “Shit.”

"I think that's what it looks like, yeah.” Todd said.

"Hey, Sis." Jen touched Gwen's shoulder. She had Apollo in her arms, who soon leaned forward to switch to his mother's lap. "I think it's time to feed these kids."

"Of course. I will come and help you. What do you think of sandwiches?” Gwen asked as Blake wrapped Apollo in a towel. She was done with that stalker subject anyway. 

“It sounds great. Leo needs to eat and take a nap, he is getting grumpy.” Jen rolled her eyes.

"Ok, let's go then.” Gwen stood up. "Can you watch him for a minute?" She asked Blake.

“Of course, come here, little buddy." He would gladly do that. And Apollo too.

"Go with your Blakey, baby." She passed Apollo into Blake's arms.

He sat the boy on his legs and started drying his hair with the towel right away.

"Don't forget to watch your older ones in the pool!" Jen guided them as they left. She carried Leo with her now.

Blake looked towards the pool. Stella was inside, Kingston and Zuma were sitting on the edge, still drinking their juice boxes.

"There's something else." Todd was still hooked on the stranger's video.

"What?" Blake turned to him again.

"I have a very strong feeling that I’ve seen this man before.” He said, frowning. “When you grab him by the shirt and the camera gets the side of his face. I’m sure I’ve seen this man somewhere, I just can't say where."

At that very moment, a loud splash noise was followed by a high-pitched scream. Blake raised his head quickly and looked for the children. The water in the pool was rough, Kingston was standing, looking into the pool, and Stella had both hands in front of her mouth and her eyes were wide. He couldn’t see Zuma anymore, so he stood up quickly and approached the edge of the pool. Zuma was in there, or better said, he was under water and it seemed like he was trying to go up to the surface, but he couldn't do it. Blake acted faster than he thought he could, he passed Apollo into Todd's arms and before he realized what he was doing, he was already jumping into the pool. The waters were not very deep, so he soon reached Zuma. He grabbed the boy with ease and pulled him up and out of the water.

Zuma was still conscious, he wasn’t underwater for long, but he still vomited a great deal of water when Blake placed him sitting on the sun lounger.

"Zuma!" Gwen came back screaming, with Jen right behind her. They heard all the agitation even from inside the house. 

“Mommy!" At that point, Zuma was already crying. 

"It's ok, baby." She hugged him. 

"I asked you to watch the kids for 1 minute, Todd, for God's sake." Jen scolded him.

"What happened?" Gwen exchanged looks between Blake and Todd, but it was Zuma who answered first.

"King pushed me." He accused his brother. “He keeps saying that everything is my fault." 

Blake watched Gwen's chest rise and fall when her breathing became ragged and he already knew what was coming. “Inside now, Kingston. I'm sick of this.”

"I didn’t mean to scare him!" Kingston tried to defend himself, but stamped his foot angrily anyway. “I just pushed him into the pool, it’s not big deal, he’s not a baby.” 

“I said inside! You are grounded.” She liked it even less after his explanation. He then turned around to leave. “We are going to have a serious conversation about this." She added as the boy headed for the house.

"How do you feel, buddy?" Blake asked Zuma when he saw the boy snuggle closer to his mother's body.

"My arm hurts a lot." He said. “I think I hit it on the edge of the pool when I fell.”

"Let me see." Gwen took his wrist and the boy screamed in pain. She touched right where it hurt. "Oh no, I think we will have to go to the hospital."

"I'm going to dry off and change clothes." Blake told her as he stood up. He wouldn’t let her do that alone. He stopped to stroke Zuma's hair before anything else. "You'll be fine, buddy."

“Thank you.” She mouthed to Blake. “Come with me, Zuma, I will dry you too." Then she got up and guided the boy with her. “Kingston is coming too, he will hold his brother's hand the whole time."

"Ok, I'm coming with you." Jen said.

“Why? Can't you stay here with me and the rest of the kids?” Todd asked, confused. He still had Apollo in his arms.

"Someone has to deal with Gavin." She explained. "The way things are around here, he should be aware by now." Jen shrugged. “Plus, I think you will be fine with 2 sleeping toddlers and Stella.”

“Great.” Gwen whined. “I can’t wait to hear Gavin fuss about this.”


	33. How could I have known that you’d come along?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this busy week would kill me, but here we are. 
> 
> This is a big chapter, are you ready?

"You were a very brave little boy in there, Zuma." The orthopedic doctor handed the boy a lollipop after everything went well in the X-ray room and they were back in the exam room.

"I'm proud of you, baby." Gwen opened the candy wrapper for Zuma and handed it over to him. The boy smiled at her as he took the lollipop with his good hand.

"Good job, buddy." Blake stroked his hair.

"Does it still hurt?" Kingston, who had not left his brother's side, asked.

"Yeah." Zuma replied, now with the lollipop in his mouth.

“It will take some time for the medicine to take effect, but soon you won't feel any more pain." The doctor explained to both boys. "I'll check if the X-ray is ready and I'll be right back." This time he turned to Blake, Gwen, and Jen to speak. "I am pretty sure we will have to immobilize that arm."

Gwen sighed despondently, so Blake took the lead to take some of the weight off her shoulder. “Ok doctor, thank you. We will wait here.” He also rubbed her back lightly. 

She breathed a sigh of relief, not because of Zuma's situation, but because she knew she finally had a partner by her side who was willing to help with whatever was necessary, even when it was just to thank the doctor when she was overwhelmed.

With a quick nod, the doctor left the exam room and closed the door behind him.

"Mommy, can I have cake after this?" Zuma asked quietly.

Gwen nodded and smiled. "Sure, my brave boy." She was positioned facing her middle son, who was sitting on the examination table, with his legs dangling out. Kingston was standing beside the table, giving Zuma the support his mother had said he had to give his brother, and he was doing a good job. Blake was also standing, facing the two boys, beside Gwen, and suddenly everything seemed more peaceful and calm. After the accident and the mess in the pool, she didn't think she would feel so peaceful in such a short time, but everything in her life had apparently changed completely from what she was used to, even the way she reacted to certain things. That was due to the support system Gwen now had. 3 boys to raise was not a very easy task, and now that would soon become 4 children. It would certainly take a village.

Jen was there too, and Gwen's sister-in-law was a big part of that support system that she now had. She was a little distracted with Todd on the phone — who was trying to get 2 cranky toddlers to nap — but she was there because she wanted to support her, and also because she had a mission. A mission that she almost missed because of the hundreds of questions her husband had.

The exam room door suddenly opened again, with a certain determination this time, and Gavin was the one who entered like a runaway hurricane, just the person Jen was expecting to suddenly appear like that, but she didn't react fast enough and he passed by her directly towards the others.

"What did you do to my son, you asshole?" Gavin was not addressing anyone but Blake. Gwen was the one who reacted first, and with a brief step to the side, she got in the way and positioned herself between the two men.

“Watch your language” She had a low, impatient voice. “Turn around."

Gavin had to brake hard to keep from bumping into her. Blake was slow to turn around because he was focused on Zuma, who had dropped his lollipop on the exam paper over the table. 

"I knew this idiot was going to show up." Jen hung up the phone without explaining anything to Todd and approached the others.

"Get out of my way." He snarled between his teeth.

“No, you will not cause any problems here. You're scaring the kids and it doesn't help.” Gwen was straight to the point and clear.

"He hurt my son." Gavin looked up at Blake.

“He didn’t. You are crazy.” She tried to say, but he didn’t listen.

"You coward, if you have a problem with me, solve it as a man." Gavin kept going.

"Dad!" Kingston left Zuma's side to take his place beside Gwen, between the two grown men. "Blake didn't hurt Zuma, I was the one who pushed him." The boy confessed. 

"This is not a matter for children, Kingston, stay behind." He waved for his son to go back to where he was and Kingston ended up doing what he was told, even though he seemed upset. 

"I don’t know what image of me you have in your sick head, but I would never hurt a child." Blake defended himself, even though he didn't think he needed to. He was tired of being silent to not make things worse.

"Children get hurt, that's part of life. You are throwing a tantrum like a cranky toddler for nothing.” Jen rolled her eyes. "Remember when Kingston got a big cut on his forehead when he was just a baby just because Gwen left him with you for a minute?" She accused him.

Gavin looked at her with narrowed eyes and a hatred expression. "You are a nasty little woman." He scoffed, but it was more like an outburst of pure anger. Since he couldn't hurt Jen physically, because she was a woman and he still had some limits, he tried with words, as he knew how to do, but — unlike Gwen — it wasn't as if Jen cared much about anything that came out of his mouth. In fact, she couldn’t care less. 

“Oh are we talking about real feelings now? I can't wait for my turn. I have a lot of nasty things to say about you.” She didn't even seem to blink as she said it all at once.

"Enough." Gwen interrupted them. "We are not going to start this in front of the kids." 

Zuma was crying softly and Blake had taken a step back to take the boy's good hand, even though he was still facing the scene that was happening among the adults, ready to react if he had to. Gavin seemed to notice for the first time that he was comforting the boy, and the hateful look in his eyes got a lot worse.

“Let go of my son now. I don't want you around him, freak.” He snarled.

"Shut up." Gwen spoke louder than him. "I said it's enough."

"Get out of my way!" In an impulse of pure rage, Gavin pushed on Gwen's shoulders, pushing her body back and making her crash into Blake, who was standing behind her.

Gwen gasped. There was a second of absolute silence in which everyone seemed to assimilate what had just happened.

"Son of a..." Blake felt like he was going to burst with anger, but Gwen's body was in front of his and he couldn't react quickly. She knew very well that she couldn't move or it would become a much bigger mess.

"Sorry, Gwen I didn't mean to-" Before Gavin finished that sentence, he was surprised by a clenched fist hitting the right side of his face. It took another half a second for him to understand what had happened, and then the pain hit him and almost blinded him. 

"Jen!" Gwen shouted. 

Blake went around her so he could get to her sister-in-law. Jen still had her hands closed in a fist. She didn't look like she was going to attack Gavin again, but Blake wanted to be around, in case the rage took over again.

"Are you ok?" He asked her.

"Yeah." Jen replied and nodded, still seeming not to believe that she herself had done that. "It felt really good." And Blake believed her, he knew that must have felt really good. He himself had dreamed of punching Gavin in the face many times, and he was secretly grateful that Jen chose that particular moment, because if she hadn't, Blake knew it would have been him, and it would make it all worse.

"You will pay for this!" When Gavin finally seemed to come back to reality, he shouted. The right side of his face had a very red spot, as did Jen's hand. “I’m going to the police right now.” He got agitated again. "You will pay for this, Shelton!"

"Hey, I punched you in the face, idiot." Jen corrected him. “It was me, and it's ok if I have to pay for it, it was worth it. Just don't forget that you pushed a pregnant woman and I won't shut up about it.” 

"Hey, what's going on here?" The doctor returned to the room with a concerned expression and a large white envelope in his hand. “They can hear you from the hallway.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, doctor.” Gwen sighed. She looked exhausted now. “Gavin is on his way out.”

"You are crazy." Gavin shook his head. “Zuma is my son, I have a right to be here. Those two have to get out.” He pointed to Blake and Jen. "They caused this whole problem."

"They did? Are you kidding me?" Gwen started to get angry again, but Blake got closer to her.

“Hey, look, you’re too stressed, you know you can’t let this happen. Besides, Kingston is scared and Zuma is crying.” He said quietly, while rubbing her back. “I’ll take Jen outside, we're going to sit in the waiting room for a while. I’ll get cake for Zuma and it's going to be fine when this is over, ok?”

Gwen didn't want that. She didn't want Blake to have to leave the room, she didn't want to be alone with Gavin, but she knew that Blake was right. "Fine." She sighed softly after agreeing.

“Ok, are you ok?” Blake rubbed her arms in a worried, but loving way. 

“I’ll be ok.” She assured him.

“I will be waiting for you then” Blake wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead, lingering for a second before letting go. "Hey buddy, you don't have to cry anymore." Blake said to Zuma when he approached him at the exam table. "What flavor of cake do you want?”

"Are you really going to bring me cake?" The boy seemed to cheer up as he wiped the tears from his face. “I want chocolate. No, wait… red velvet with chocolate.” 

"Noted.” Blake laughed. “I'll be outside waiting for you, with your piece of cake, ok?" Zuma nodded and smiled.

"What do you say, baby?" Gwen had just heard Jen threaten Gavin with another punch to keep him quiet, but she ignored it and focused on Blake and her children.

"Thank you, Blakey." Zuma thanked him.

"Hey you." Blake turned to Kingston, who had taken his place beside his brother again. "Don't forget our mission." 

King looked in the direction of his father and then at Blake again. "Ok, I'll take care of her." Kingston promised, referring to the deal he and Blake had about looking after Gwen.

"Good boy.” He patted King on the shoulder. “Do you want some cake too?”

“No, I’m good.” Kingston didn’t want to push his father too far.

“Ok.” Blake said, making a mental note to buy a piece for him anyway, and then turned to Jen. "Come on, let's wait outside."

She didn't disagree, she was still a little shocked by the punch she had thrown at Gavin's face, and thought it could get worse if she stayed there.

Jen went through the door first, and when Blake was about to go after her, Gavin took his arm. “I know what happened. Is that the kind of father you want to be for that baby, huh? The father who lets a child get hurt like that? The father who forgets to pay attention?” He whispered while Gwen was distracted listening to what the doctor was saying. “Zuma is a very strong 7 year old boy, but if anything happens to that little baby, you are going to kill her. She will be small, weak, dependent, and a little mistake can be fatal. I see in your face that you don't have a clue what to do.”

Perhaps by sheer coincidence or maybe because he talked to the right people, Gavin hit Blake's weak spot. His fear of doing the wrong thing and hurting his baby was evident in his facial expressions and even Gavin could see it the minute they addressed that subject. He took advantage, of course. “You will kill her. You’ll kill Gwen’s little baby and she won’t forgive you. Will you ever forgive yourself if you make a mistake?”

"Take your hands off me now." Blake snarled. “If I punch you in the face, the consequences will be worse than a red temporary mark. I'll end you."

"Feel free, it will only help my case." Gavin shrugged.

"Blake?" Gwen seemed to noticed that small conflict and approached them.

"Don't worry, we were just exchanging a few words.” It was Gavin who answered her.

Blake exchanged one last look with him, but made great effort not to look in Gwen’s direction before leaving and closing the door behind him.

"Hey, little man, don't cry." Gavin finally decided to approach his children. 

Zuma was still upset and wiping away tears, but he seemed to want to swallow it all as soon as he heard his father. "I'm not crying anymore." The boy said, as if he was afraid to disappoint him.

"Good job. You are a big boy.” His father smiled big. "And now what doctor, what do we need to do?"

"He has a small fracture on his wrist. We will cast this arm until it heals itself." The doctor explained. "It won't hurt anything."

"He's a very brave boy, right, Zuma?" Gavin stroked his son's hair. "And Kingston is going to hold his brother's hand. I’m disappointed in you for many reasons." He added, looking at Kingston now, before walking away again and approaching Gwen, who was leaning against the wall next to the door. 

She kept looking at her children and didn't look in his direction, in the hope that Gavin would give up on her and leave her alone, but that didn't work, of course.

“I will call my lawyers as soon as I leave here. Your little boyfriend is fucked.” He spoke in a low tone as he leaned against the wall beside her. 

Gwen didn’t want to answer, she even tried very hard, but failed, when she realized she was already vomiting the words. "Don’t you have anything to do with your life besides trying to destroy mine?" She sighed and rested her hand on her tummy. The baby was kicking her like a punching bag. "How did you even know we were here?" She asked suddenly, jumping to the subject that really mattered.

"Kingston's cell phone has a gps." Gavin didn't seem to mind telling her that. He really thought the game was over and that he had won.

"Good to know, he won't be using that phone anymore."

He chuckled to mock her. "You are funny."

"How did you find out that Zuma was hurt?" She ignored his comment and fired another important question. 

"You have a lot of questions suddenly, huh?" He said, without really answering anything. 

Gwen knew he wouldn't answer. "You think I'm stupid, but I know more about your unscrupulous ways than you think." She defied him, still in a low tone and always making sure the kids weren't paying attention.

"What do you mean?" Gavin finally looked curious and even bothered by something she said.

“Oh, you suddenly have so many questions.” Gwen mocked. She wouldn’t tell him more than necessary. She wanted to keep her advantage in that game.

  


***

  


"Hey, guys!" Jen welcomed them in the waiting room when they left the exam room. “Oh Zuma, that kind of looks cool. Is it too heavy?”

"No, it's ok." Zuma replied, but the truth was that he was already loving all the attention that the cast on his arm brought. 

Gwen immediately looked for a chair to sit on, no matter how much she wanted to leave that hospital as soon as possible. She was 24 weeks pregnant, but at that moment she felt like she was carrying a weight three times heavier than her baby.

"Where's Blake?" She asked after a brief look around.

Blake was an easy guy to spot, he was usually taller than everyone around him, and he was always talking to people or laughing out loud. But he was nowhere to be found, and Jen's cautious look said everything Gwen needed to know, even before her sister-in-law opened her mouth.

"Sorry, sissy, Blake left." Jen said. 

Gwen immediately started to think about the last words they had exchanged. Blake had been very kind to her, guaranteed to wait in the waiting room, and had even gave her forehead kisses before leaving the exam room. There was not a clear explanation on why he just suddenly had to leave, and it made that even more scary.

"Why? Did he say why?” She questioned. If it was an emergency in his family or something, she thought he would say something, or text her. She quickly pulled her phone out of her purse. There was nothing there either. 

Jen just shook her head. "No, sis, he just said he had to go." She told her. 

"Typical." Gavin mocked with a chuckle.

That quickly pissed Jen off. "He left cake for the boys, though." She said, in an angry tone. "Cake that he went to a bakery to get, because he didn't think the cafeteria cakes were good enough." She told them, but looked in Gavin’s direction as she spoke. "That's the difference between a man who keeps his promises even when he needs to leave, and one who never kept his word, even when he was around."

"He didn’t answer the phone." Gwen put her phone down after trying to call Blake. "I'm so worried." And tired, and insecure, and scared... it all added up to the list of things that made her feel terrible at that moment.

“Well, I'm out of here. Come and kiss daddy goodbye.” He told his children. Ignoring Gwen and anything that bothered her had been his specialty for years.

The boys said goodbye to their father, but Gwen got up from the chair before he really left. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" 

Gavin didn't hide the surprise that question was, but he nodded. "Ok."

"Go eat some cake with Auntie, Zuma, I'll be right back."

Zuma did what his mother told him to, mainly because he was in the mood for cake since earlier and Blake had bought his favorite, but Kingston was watching his parents, even when they went a few steps into the hallway to talk in private.

"I wanted to ask you not to go to the police." She said, as soon as they were far enough away and the kids couldn't hear them.

Gavin chuckled again. "Why would I do that after everything I've been through here today and have been through in general?"

“Because you are Zuma's father. I know you made a mess here today, but you came here because you were worried about him, weren't you?” Gwen suspected that wasn't exactly the strongest reason for Gavin's appearance at the hospital that day, but she was playing with the cards she had. "You don't want him to get hurt because you care about him, so you can't get Zuma in the middle of this." 

He listened to her, and he knew she was playing the guilt trip card on him, but he played along anyway. “What's in it for me? What do I get out of it?”

"I will sign the papers." She suddenly promised. “If you go to the police today, we will fight in court for a long time. We are going to hurt our kids even more and we are going to get hurt in the process too.” Gwen had a lump in her throat so tight that it was suffocating her. “If you don't go to the police, I’ll sign the papers and we won’t fight anymore. Everything will be the way you want it to be.”

Gavin seemed to think deeply about that. He was stuck in a weird facial expression between a smug smile and a frown. "Ok..." He still seemed to ponder. It seemed too good to be true. “Fine, you have a week to sign the papers. If you don't sign them by then, I'll go to the police. No more agreements."

"Ok, deal." Gwen agreed. It wasn't like she had any other way out. At least now she had a week to think of something that would help her out of that mess. “But no amniocentesis, I won’t do that. If you really want, I can request a DNA test on the umbilical cord when she’s born.”

He also seemed to think about that. “Fine. That will do it.” Gavin suddenly offered his hand for her to shake. Gwen looked at him with a frown. “We have to seal this deal. Or do you prefer a kiss?”

She rolled her eyes and shook his hand. "Done." Then she quickly let go, but still got a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach as if she had just made a pact with the devil.

  


***

  


Gwen put the cap on the bottle and twisted it to close it, all with one hand, because her other arm held Apollo, who was attached to her hips. She finished and handed the bottle over to him when it was safe, who soon put the nipple in his mouth and started to feed. Gwen then took a second to look at her phone. There was nothing new there.

She returned to the living room with her youngest son after that. Kingston and Zuma were watching tv on the couch together. The middle boy was a little slower due to the medication for pain, but the good news was that he was doing really good, despite the cast on his arm. Gwen was about to join her other two children on the couch when she felt that very strong kick hit her hard again. This time even stronger than before. She gasped before she could stop herself.

"Mom?" Kingston got up from the couch quickly when he realized that she seemed in pain.

"It's ok. I'm ok." She went to the couch and sat next to Zuma, placing Apollo on her other side. "It's just the baby kicking."

"But you said it didn't hurt." Kingston frowned, remembering what she had said to him before.

“It doesn't exactly hurt, it's just uncomfortable." She explained herself. "Come here, do you want to feel it?"

"I can feel it now?" Kingston's eyes widened in surprise, but he was soon approaching her. He lifted Apollo and sat in his brother's place, placing him sitting on his legs afterwards.

Gwen lifted the shirt she was wearing, exposing her baby bump, which became more and more round and seemed to grow everyday. She had no insecurities in front of just her children, she would always be her true self with them, and nothing more.

"Your belly button is out." Zuma did not fail to notice. It made Kingston laugh.

“Yes, the baby is pushing everything out. My tummy is growing and now the belly button is out.” Gwen spoke in a dramatic voice tone, but she was just entertaining them. 

Zuma laughed. "It’s ok, Mommy, you still look beautiful." 

It was Gwen's turn to laugh. "Thank you baby. We still have many weeks to go.” She said.

"How many?" Kingston asked.

"Around 16 weeks." She said. "Oh, here she goes." Gwen took Kingston's hand on one side and Zuma's good hand on the other, but took both hands to the same spot on her belly, the upper left side. "It seems like her legs are right here."

"Wow!" King suddenly exclaimed and Zuma started to laugh. "Did you feel that?" He asked his brother.

"I did!" Zuma said, still laughing.

“She is so strong, how can she be so strong? She hasn't even been born yet.” For the first time, Kingston seemed to marvel at something related to Gwen's pregnancy. When she was pregnant with Zuma he was too young to understand and with Apollo he didn't care much, but things were very different now.

The boy's reaction reminded her of Blake, and Gwen's heart sank a little. She still hadn't heard from him. 

Apollo thought they were just stroking his mother's tummy, and joined them, reaching out with his little hand. Kingston guided him to the right place, and when the baby kicked, Apollo had the same reaction as Zuma, he started to laugh. But like Kingston in Gwen's second pregnancy, Apollo was too young to understand now, he thought it was all a game.

"Is the baby really Blake's?" She was distracted by Apollo's laughter when King asked that, but she soon turned all her attention to him. "Yes, King, this is Blake's baby." Gwen told him.

"Does that mean the baby isn't really our sister?" Zuma was still stroking her baby bump when he asked that. “Of course, she's your sister. You are my puppies.” She explained, placing a kiss on top of Zuma’s head. "And she is mine too."

"Yay!" He celebrated and looked up to smile big at his mother. That smile had the power to push all problems away from her mind. Gwen smiled back.

"Is Blake gone forever?" Kingston brought all the problems back with a simple question.

Gwen felt physically hurt. "I'm sure he isn’t, baby." But she wasn’t sure of anything. She was very scared and didn't even know exactly why. 

"I don't want him to be gone because of me." King took his hand off her bump and faced the floor between his feet. “I pushed Zuma, I texted Dad because I was angry and it all happened. Now Blake is gone forever.”

Gwen sighed and wrapped one arm around Kingston, and the other one wrapped around Zuma. She pulled them both towards her and consequently Apollo too, who was on King's lap. “You guys are worrying too much. Let the adults worry about that, okay?” She certainly worried enough about Blake for all of them. “Let's talk about your phone. I want you to give it to me before you go to bed today. I don't want you using it anymore. And this is not a punishment, ok? Although I do want you to be more gentle with your brothers.” Gwen made a point of explaining herself in detail. She didn't want it to end in another misunderstanding. "You are too young for cellphones anyway."

There was no time for Kingston to answer, the doorbell rang loud and suddenly, scaring them all, but making them laugh soon after too.

"Ok, I'll see who's at the door, you guys choose a movie for us to watch." She put her shirt down as she started to give orders to organize them. It was after 7 pm, the 4 of them were alone in the house, which meant that Marissa had already finished her shift. “I don't want any fights between you. Choose a movie the two of you want to watch.” Gwen took Apollo from Kingston's lap and laid him on the other couch to take the rest of his bottle.

When she went to the entrance hall to check who was at the door, she was hoping it might be Blake — because whoever it was, they passed the front gate just fine — but part of her screamed that possibility was delusional. She was surprised when she looked out the window next to the door and saw that it was really Blake who was waiting on the other side.

"Blake?" She quickly opened the door, feeling relieved. But that feeling disappeared the second he looked at her with red crying eyes and a blotchy face. 

"I'm really sorry." His voice cracked when he tried to speak, but he insisted nonetheless. “It seems that I constantly have to apologize to you. I hate to disappoint you, but that's who I am.” 

"Please come in." Before answering anything he said, she made that request. 

"No, I don't want the kids to see me like this." He explained, denying her request. “I am not drunk. I didn’t drink." He decided it was best to add that in the end, because the last time he had abandoned her like that, he had succumbed to the drinking and had done a great deal of damage to their relationship, which had been difficult to repair afterwards. But he hadn't drank enough to get drunk like that day after that, so he thought it best to make that clear. He wasn't falling into the same mistakes, he had brand new ones, as he had told her he would.

"Blake, we need to talk and we can't have this conversation at the door like this." Gwen also decided to explain why she would insist on it, because she was about to insist until the last second. 

"Look, I just came here to tell you that I think I should go back to Oklahoma and spend some time there, you know? I’ve been away for too long and work is about to keep me away for longer.” He tried to say whatever came to his mind. “I'm going to be a horrible father anyway." But he failed to hold his emotions and softly sobbed. "It hurts me a lot to admit it, but it's the truth." 

She didn't know where that had come from, but at least she now understood why he was feeling that way and crying like that. "Come here." She reached for his wrist and pulled him towards her, opening the door wider at the same time. “We are going to talk in the kitchen. The kids are busy in the living room.”

She closed the door and pulled him down the hall to the side. They passed quickly through the living room, but Kingston and Zuma were distracted looking through hundreds of movie titles to choose one to watch, and Apollo was still busy with the bottle. The two older boys were sitting on top of her coffee table, but Gwen didn't have time to scold them at that moment, she could only solve one problem at a time, and Blake's seemed a little more urgent at the moment.

She took him to the kitchen and only let go of his wrist when they were there, closed behind the glass doors and protected, at least as far as sound was concerned. Blake positioned himself with his back to the living room, in case one of the boys looked in their direction.

"Tell me everything you are feeling." Gwen asked him. "Pour everything on me, I seriously need to understand what makes you think you are going to be a bad father."

“And what good will it do? I will say that I will be a bad father and you will say that I am already a good one.” He threw the cards on the table, exposing exactly her next moves.

That threw her off for a second, but Gwen then stopped analyzing movements and said exactly what was on her mind. “Ok, fine, but tell me anyway. If you're going to run from this, I have the right to know why.”

Blake quickly lifted his head and looked at her with a frown. He wasn't expecting her to say that, or that she was reading it all wrong. “I am not running, I’m just going to Oklahoma. I'm not leaving you, I already promised you that.” He explained, since she was thinking that was his way of saying goodbye or something. "Good father or bad father, I'm still a father, right?"

"With this excitement?" She crossed her arms in front of her own body. “Look, Blake, I don't want you to stay because of promises. I told you long ago that you should stop promising things to me. You will have a daughter, and yes, you will be a father no matter what, but you can choose how involved you want to be. Are you looking for a way out? Because I’ve offered this to you countless times, I just didn’t think you would want it now.” Gwen spoke all at once and she was very honest and open, even though she wanted to grab him and shake him to knock some sense into him. Blake just quietly sniffed and listened in silence. "I'm going to be your daughter's mother, I don't need to be anything else.”

She was getting it all wrong again, but he didn't blame her. Blake decided to disregard all that, because it was not what he wanted. Instead of answering, he looked for a chair and sat down at the marble table. She followed him with her eyes. "So, I have been having this dream since you told me you were pregnant." Since nothing was working and he seemed to be upsetting her, he decided to do what Gwen had asked and tell her how he felt. “I dream of a baby crying desperately. Initially I couldn't even find the baby, now I wake up with her crying next to me. I see her face, I know she’s mine. I pick her up, but there's nothing I can do that makes her stop crying. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to comfort her.” 

Her features softened when she heard that story. Suddenly her fear and insecurities were turned into understanding and sadness. She still remembered a fight they had very early on, because he had nightmares about a baby crying and didn’t know how to deal with it. She didn't know he still felt that angst, or that he had those nightmares to this day.

"Blakey." She melted like butter when she understood his fear. Gwen approached him from behind. He was sitting and she was standing behind him, her arms around his neck. She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. 

Blake was silently crying again. “I’m not leaving you, I would never do that. And it's not because of any promises, it’s because I love you.” He sobbed softly. "I'm just really afraid that I won’t be enough for our baby."

“But you already are-" She stopped herself and Blake looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. "Ok, I won't say it, but it's true." Gwen shrugged. “Besides, I don't think there are completely good parents or bad parents, we are all a mixture of the two. We are very good at some things and bad at others, it's always like that.”

"You are a very good mother." He said, wanting to correct her.

"Well, I make mistakes too." She stroked his shoulders and Blake wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to the side and hugging her. "But I love my kids, and I know you love yours."

"I really do." His face was almost level with her bump, so Blake planted a kiss on top of it. “Oh, she is awake. That was a big kick.”

"Yeah, she's been kicking me all day, like I'm a soccer ball." Gwen pouted. Blake pulled her onto his lap. "I think she missed you."

"I missed you two too." He kissed her lips and Gwen stroked his hair. When they broke the kiss, she pressed her forehead to his. “You are not doing this alone.” She whispered to him. “Whatever she needs, we'll both be there.” Gwen was trying to calm him down a bit more. "And besides, there is nothing that boobs don’t solve."

"Oh, I agree with that." He laughed softly and kissed her lips again.

"You do, huh?" She kissed him again and almost took too long at that, but had to break the kiss again. “The boys want to watch a movie, do you want to stay with us?” 

“Can I?” He sounded a little uncertain, but he was actually relieved that they worked through that together. He felt so much better there with her. 

“Yes, of course. They were actually asking about you.” She told him as she got up from his lap.

“Really?” He got up too and followed her. 

Gwen preferred not to have to tell him about Kingston's questions right at that moment, because it would probably make him feel even more guilty, so she just guided him to the living room. When they got there, the three boys were standing in front of the tv, Zuma and Kingston were excited about a movie they had found and Apollo just watched the two while biting the nipple of his now empty bottle.

"Hey, guys, look who's here." Gwen had to announce it, because none of them had noticed their presence.

"Blakey!" Zuma shouted, but Apollo went further and dropped his bottle on the floor to run to him first.

Blake picked him up. "Hey little buddy."

“Blakey!” Apollo babbled with a big smile on his face.

“Aw.” Gwen sighed. Her heart skipped a beat. Her children's love for Blake made her really happy.

"Look, Blakey, we found a cartoon movie about cars." Zuma said excitedly. "Do you want to watch it with us?"

Blake walked over to the couch and sat with Apollo still in his arms. “Sure, buddy. That sounds really cool.”

Gwen sat on the couch too, snuggling on the other end so she could lie down. It was a large L-shaped couch.

Kingston came close to Blake and sat down next to him. "I'm glad you came back." He said.

"I am happy to be back." Blake put his other arm around King and hugged him. "Hey, Zuma, come here, let me see that cast on your arm."

"Look, it doesn't hurt at all." Zuma also came over to show him. "It's really cool, isn't it?"

“Buddy, I had a cast on my arm a lot of times. My foot too one time.” Blake told him.

"Really?" Zuma laughed at that.

“Yes, but listen... I'm sorry that happened to you. I wish I could have prevented that from happening. I'm sorry, buddy.” 

Zuma heard the apology and nodded slowly, as if he was an adult pondering the facts. “But it wasn't your fault, Blake. You saved me." He came to that conclusion quickly. "I love you. Don’t feel bad.” 

It was Blake's turn to nod slowly as he took that in. Zuma was a very sweet boy, but he didn't expect anything like that. Blake pulled him into a tight hug and only realized that he shouldn't be doing that when he heard Apollo grumble.

The younger boy pushed Zuma away. "My Blakey." He said.

Gwen laughed from the other end of the couch. She had been watching them and had tears in her eyes. “Ok, you can watch this car thing. I'm going to take a nap.” She yawned, pulling a blanket over herself and snuggling.

Zuma sat on the other side of Blake and pulled out a blanket for them too. Apollo laid his back on Blake's chest and Kingston turned off the lights and sat back besides them, before hitting play on the remote.

The cartoon lasted for about an hour, maybe a little longer, and Blake found the story interesting and ended up watching the whole thing. When the credits started to go up and the final song played, he looked around, waiting for the boys’ feedback, but realized that everyone around him was sleeping. Apollo in his arms, Zuma with his head against his arm on one side and Kingston on the other, all wrapped in the same warm, soft blanket. Gwen was lying on the rest of the couch, her legs on Zuma's lap and her feet on Blake's, tucked between his body and Apollo's. 

Right there, in the dark, with the cartoon music playing in the background and the children sleeping all over him, Blake noticed that his family now went far beyond his mother and sister in Oklahoma — and their extended families — he had his own family, and they were right there, sharing the same couch, wrapped in warm blankets, after a movie night. 

Blake didn't even know how many times he had wished for nights like that for his future, and now that was exactly what he had. It was simple and wonderful, and it was messy and complicated, but it was his family, and he wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. Oklahoma would have to wait more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading.  
> And thank you to everyone who take some time to leave any kind of feedback. I appreciate it. ♥️


	34. I’ve been thinking about what I want in my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Ming. I hope you had a great day. ♥️

"Please don’t do this.” That whisper alone was enough to wake Blake, but he stayed half-awake for a while, until he heard another low whisper. "Please stop it." At that moment, he realized that it was Gwen's voice and that she had a tearful tone.

Right away, he opened his eyes and forced himself to scan the environment while he was still somewhat groggy. It was dark, but his eyes quickly got used to it. “Gwen?" Blake found her sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to him. He calmed down a little when he realized that there was no one else in the room, just the two of them. "What is wrong?" He rubbed his tired eyes as he asked in a sleepy voice.

Gwen turned to him, her eyes filled with tears, but she tried to hide it. Blake could see that even in the dark, though. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry." She sighed heavily.

"It's ok." He sat up on the bed and crawled over to her. “What’s bothering you?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” Gwen waved a hand in the air. “You should go back to sleep.”

Blake grabbed her shoulders and stroked lightly, then he carefully pulled her back, guiding her to lean against his chest when he leaned back against the pillows and the headboard. “You know that is not going to happen. I can see that you’re upset.” He was sitting and her body was propped up against his.

"The baby won't let me sleep." Gwen confessed as soon as she felt a bit more comfortable in his arms. "She keeps kicking me, moving, and turning.”

Blake tucked her hair behind her ears while she vented. He looked at the time on the clock on the wall and it was almost five in the morning. "Were you awake all this time?" He asked, she just nodded. Blake then took his hands to her baby bump. Baby was quiet for a second, but started kicking soon after. "Are you sure she is ok?"

"She should be." Gwen sighed. "Kicking like this, there's no way there's anything wrong with her." He ran his fingertips lightly over her bump. “It’s just that I’m exhausted and stressed and I think she knows.”

He was touching her skin directly, since he had put both hands under her pajama top. The baby turned in there, causing that movement that felt like a wave from side to side of Gwen's tummy. "I have an idea." Blake said suddenly. "Can I try something?" Gwen looked up to look at him, even though he was behind her. "It's not a big deal, but I'm writing something."

"Huh?" She frowned, but her face had a slight smile, showing interest and curiosity. "What do you mean?"

"A song." He explained. "It's not finished and I can't even tell if it's exactly a song, it's just a bunch of words that cross my mind when I think about her." He started to move carefully to get out from behind her and get out of bed.

"Wait." Gwen took his arm. "Are you saying you wrote a song for our daughter?"

"I-" Blake was already on his feet when he heard that. He seemed to think about it for a second. “Yeah, I think I kind of did. But just kind of. Don’t get your expectations too high, it’s just a bunch of words together.” He looked around, searching for something, until he found the guitar he had left at the foot of the bed a few days earlier. “Besides, you do this way better than me, so it’s probably going to sound silly to you.” He always had a guitar around, it was what he did when Gwen took too long to get dressed, when she was putting on makeup, or had something to do and he was around. He sang for her. "I still need the right melody, so I'm just going to strum something for now."

"Ok." Gwen agreed excitedly. She had even forgotten that she was trying to sleep, and also that she was exhausted and stressed.

Blake placed the guitar on the bed and arranged a pile of pillows behind her, so that Gwen would lay on them and be comfortable, but also leaning forward slightly, so that she could watch him. He sat next to her body, but facing her and picked up the guitar, positioning it in the direction of her baby bump. If Blake was honest, he was much more nervous than excited, and he even wished he never gave that idea until at least the song was really finished.

The first thing he did after he was positioned was to turn on a lamp, just so he could see better, and then he lifted the top of her pajamas to expose her tummy. He slid his hand slowly and affectionately over it. “This is for you, baby girl. Just keep in mind that the song is not finished yet.”

“Why are you so nervous? You never get nervous when you're playing.” Gwen pointed out, more curious than ever.

"Maybe I’m wrong and this is kind of a big deal.” He explained to her, but they both giggled. She was excited, and he was really nervous.

Blake then took both hands back to the guitar and started strumming the strings. He tuned up a little and started playing random chords at a slow tempo, just to give a momentary support to the lyrics he had written. He would work on the perfect melody later.

Gwen was wondering if it was possible that the baby inside her womb already seemed less agitated just by hearing the guitar play. Well, being that she was Blake's daughter, Gwen didn't doubt that she was paying full attention to that and to him. When the guitar's rhythm seemed stable enough, Blake cleared his throat and started singing the lyrics he already knew by heart.

_Hey my girl  
You don’t know how much I’ve dreamed about you  
When I heard you were coming along  
I knew I would fight everyday  
To give my best to you  
And I promised not to do anything wrong  
Even though I had no clue_

He sang the first verse and the lyrics hit Gwen hard. She knew that Blake was a good songwriter, she had heard other songs he wrote before, but she wasn't expecting him to write such personal lyrics about what he already felt about their daughter anytime soon. At least not until he had her in his arms, because that’s when a man really feels like a father, they say. But there was Blake surprising her again, he always managed to be sweeter and more sentimental than she thought he could be. Gwen was so grateful for him.

He kept going with the lyrics and the slow tune he had going on. 

_Then I heard your heart beating  
Felt the way you kick strong  
And now nothing else matters to me  
In a world full of faces yours is the only one I need to see  
And all the love I kept in my heart and never shared  
Now I know I was saving it for you  
It’s all yours  
Cause I’m in love with you_

Blake suddenly stopped. "Hey, don't cry." He said softly and took one hand to caress her face. "Stop crying, honey."

"I can’t." Gwen sobbed. "But please, keep going, it's so beautiful."

He chuckled and reached for her face again, to wipe her tears, then straightened his guitar and went back to the same tune. “Then comes the chorus.” He said, before starting to sing again.

_So come, my girl  
I will hold you all day long  
And rock you to sleep  
My heart is yours to keep  
And it doesn’t matter how far you go  
In my arms you will always find your home _

He finished and strummed the guitar strings for a few more seconds, until he finished the way he wanted. “That’s all I have for now.” He said. 

Blake was about to put the instrument he had played aside when Gwen leaned forward and practically threw her arms around his neck. He had to get the guitar out of the way so she wouldn't hit it. Only then did he wrap his arms around her as well and pull her to his lap, rubbing her back with one hand and wrapping her legs with his other arm. 

“Those were the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard in my life.” She cried softly. He held her tighter in that embrace, practically cradling her in his arms.

“Did it work?" Blake used his soft voice with her.

Something about sharing those personal lyrics that reflected his feelings for their baby made him somewhat emotional, but calm and satisfied at the same time. It was as if the bond he had with Gwen had become countless times greater now. 

She smiled and nodded. "I think you put her to sleep."

"Really?" Blake chuckled softly. He leaned forward and planted a long, tender kiss on top of her baby bump, then he kept his cheek against it for a few seconds. It was warm and the skin was soft, she smelled really good too. He lingered there until he finally certified that there was no more fluttering inside. “Sleep tight, baby girl.” He whispered and kissed her bump again, before sitting up straight.

Gwen laid back against his chest. "I love you." She said quietly. He stroked her hair. “I know everything is a mess, but I promise it has nothing to do with you. You are really good to us, we are really lucky.”

"It's not your fault either, pretty girl." Blake still used his soft voice to talk to her. "I didn't want to be anywhere else but by your side."

"We are going to fix all of this together." She promised. "We just need to find out how."

"Are you sure it was the baby that was keeping you awake?" Blake asked, always more observant than anyone expected him to be.

“Well, mostly.” Gwen confessed.

“What did he do after I left?” He sighed. He knew it had to be something Gavin said or did to her.

"Actually, it was much more my fault than his this time." She said. "I didn’t want him to go to the police, so I made a deal with him and I don't know what to do, because I have a week to figure this out or he’s going to the police anyway.” She told him at once. She always knew she would need his help anyway. 

"What was the deal you made?" Blake felt his chest tighten with anxiety. There were a thousand possibilities, but coming from Gavin it was obvious that it was something bad.

“I told him that I would sign the divorce papers he gave me. He gave me a week or he will go to the police.” Gwen explained, trying to remember all the details.

"What? But if you sign those papers, you will lose your children.” Blake seemed to take a few seconds, but little by little he came to the conclusion by himself. “Oh... You have no intention to sign anything, do you?" 

"No." She confessed to him, showing that he was right. “I was buying us some time, like you asked me to."

"I meant more time." He sighed. "A week is not very much."

"Sorry, that was all I could do at that moment." Gwen quietly said, with an apologetic tone.

Blake then realized that she was not to blame and was doing the best she could under such pressure and stress. “It's ok." He kissed the top of her forehead and stroked her arm. "We will find a way to get out of this, ok?” 

She nodded. “We need a plan.”

“Yes we do, but not right now. You have to rest.” Blake let go of her. “Come on, let’s lay down so you can sleep a little. It’s 5am.” 

Gwen felt a brief anxiety wash over her. She knew that she would have to wake up early because of the kids, which meant she probably had less than 2 hours to rest. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to function in that tired state. And it was Sunday, she had a busy week ahead of her, with “The Voice” going live earlier than they expected. 

  


***

  


Her eyes opened wide when that loud cry coming from the baby monitor woke her up. Gwen's slow mind due to exhaustion was still taking in what that noise meant when she felt a hand touch her shoulder and noticed that Blake was next to her. She thought he was trying to wake her up so she could get Apollo, but as soon as she grunted, he rubbed her arm lightly.

"Get some more rest." He said. "I'm going to take the boys downstairs for breakfast."

"Really?" Gwen looked at him with a surprised look. She was so tired that she felt like crying.

Blake nodded and placed a kiss on her cheek. Even though she was sleepy, she notice he smelled really good, a mix of minty toothpaste and lavender soap. "But sleep, ok?"

"Ok. Thank you, Blakey." She laid her head back on the pillow again and snuggled up. Blake covered her with a blanket and got out of bed.

She heard when he opened the bedroom door and closed it after leaving, and as soon as he made his way to Apollo's room, she also heard the nursery door open through the baby monitor.

"Good morning, little buddy." Blake's soft voice invaded Gwen's ears again, but this time he was talking to her youngest son.

"Blakey." Apollo had an excited and confused tone of voice at the same time. He was used to only his mother picking him up in the crib in the morning.

Gwen smiled, even with her eyes closed and ready to rest some more.

"That's right, little buddy, it's me." He approached the crib and lifted the little boy. Apollo went into his arms without protest. “What do you say we have breakfast together, huh? Just me, you, and your brothers, so we can let Mom rest for a while.”

“Mommy." Apollo nodded.

"Breakfast?" Blake regretted talking about the boy's mom, because now he would probably want to be with her. “What about pancakes?” 

"Eat." Apollo clapped his hands.

"That's right, good job." He breathed a sigh of relief when he managed to distract the boy. "Come on, let’s eat."

Blake took Apollo with him, and found Zuma in the middle of the hallway. "Hey, buddy, good morning! How’s your arm?”

"Good morning!" The little blonde boy presented him with a sleepy smile. Zuma was always a happy child, no matter what time of the day it was or what was going on at home. “It’s ok. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Is Mom awake?"

"No, buddy, Mom is sleeping." Blake said. "But I'm going to make breakfast, do you want to help me?"

"Can I really?" He seemed to be excited. 

"Of course." Blake smiled at him. Apollo laid his head on his left shoulder, still sleepy, and suddenly tugged on his right ear. Which caught Blake by surprise, but he knew what it meant, the little boy used to do that a lot to Gwen, for comfort. But he used to do it to Gwen only.

“Okay!” Zuma happily hopped down the hall towards his bedroom door again. "I'm just going to pee before."

“Ok, brush your teeth too.” Blake said. “Oh, hey Zuma can you go get King too?"

"Yes I can." The boy nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, buddy." Blake headed for the stairs. “Don't forget that we can't make any noise up here, ok? We are going to let Mom rest for a bit.” 

"Ok, I'll let King know." Zuma went back to his room.

Blake went down the stairs and headed for the kitchen. He was very surprised that on a Sunday morning, he walked in and ran into someone else in there. That almost made him jump in fright. "Marissa?" He looked at her with a confused look, but the truth was, he was suspicious. "What are you doing here? It's Sunday."

"Oh, I know, I just came here to get something that I forgot." She explained as he recovered from the brief shock and placed Apollo sitting on his high chair. "Since I was here anyway, I made coffee. I know mornings are chaotic around here. Do you want some?"

Blake looked in her direction, even more suspicious. "Of course." He hid that very well, though. "Thanks."

She smiled and turned to face the kitchen counter, getting a mug from inside the cabinet. Marissa was always wearing dark colors and clothes appropriate for the job when she was working there, her hair was also always tied up in a bun, but that day she wore a colorful flowered dress and her salt and pepper hair was down. She looked much younger than she usually did, but she still looked like a well-cared woman in her late 40s, maybe early 50s.

“Is Gwen okay? I know she hates to miss the morning routine with the kids, even if it's chaotic at times.” She asked.

“She is fine. Just a little tired." He said, being very vague. "We will let her sleep in today."

"Oh, this is really nice of you." Marissa filled the mug with fresh coffee. “She has been really tired. I’m sure she is about to get sick if she keeps going like this. ” 

She turned and approached Blake to hand the coffee mug to him. Blake held it, but it took her a few seconds to let it go. Marissa's hand rested over his and it didn't seem like much at first, until her thumb stroked the back of his hand and Blake almost dropped the mug on the floor. He was pretty sure his eyes widened in shock and she must have noticed, because she pulled her hands away and turned back to face the kitchen counter.

At that very moment, Zuma and Kingston entered the kitchen.

"Marissa?" The older one questioned, with narrowed eyes. “What are you doing here today?”

“Hi boys!" She turned in that direction again, to greet them. "I just came to get something and I'm leaving."

Kingston nodded, seeming pleased with the answer. He came around the table to sit. Zuma followed his brother and also sat down. Marissa approached the boy.

"Hey Zuma, I brought you something." She said when she sat next to him. “How’s your arm?”

Blake was slicing a banana for Apollo while two pieces of bread for the older boys were in the toaster, but his full attention was suddenly on the housekeeper's conversation with Gwen's son.

“It doesn’t hurt.” Zuma told her. “Isn’t my cast cool?”

“Yes, it really is.” Marissa laughed. "I brought you something." She said, and Zuma gasped.

“Cake for me?" He asked. "Thank you very much! This is my favorite.” 

"I promised, remember?" From her tone of her voice, Blake knew she was smiling and it bothered him. He wasn’t used to feeling that way about people, but Marissa and Gavin were two people who bothered him very much, very easily too.

"Blakey, can I have cake for breakfast?" Zuma asked him, and it took Blake by surprise. 

He had no idea if he should say yes or no, so he followed his instincts. “Not right now, buddy, ok? Can we wait until mom wakes up?" He asked. "Maybe after lunch, for dessert.” 

Zuma wanted to eat his cake right away, but he nodded. “Ok.”

“Mom is going to wake up soon, don't worry." Marissa told him, and the two of them started an excited conversation about many different things.

That was when Blake realized that Marissa was much closer to Zuma than he imagined, and even seemed to have some influence over the boy. It made him think of many things, and his mind quickly became filled with thoughts and theories, all of which slowly led him to some possible future plans. Blake wanted to use his suspicions to finally have some kind of certainty in that game, so he continued to organize his thoughts. He handed the toast and orange juice to Zuma and Kingston, and took the banana pieces to Apollo. 

When he was starting to feed the boy, Marissa grabbed his shoulder and stepped in again. “Why don't you let me do this? So you can have breakfast too.” She stroked his shoulder suggestively, just as she had done with his hand before. 

Blake must have had a wrinkle in the middle of his forehead while he was thinking of a reason for that. Marissa had never been inappropriate towards him before, she had always been professional in his presence, but suddenly, in less than an hour, she had already done that twice. She had to have a strong reason for that. The only thing he could think of was that it could only be Gavin's plan. The fact that someone who worked at the house was hitting on him couldn’t be a mere coincidence, it was too similar to what had happened to Gwen before and it seemed like a way to hurt her even deeper, and keep her further away from people, and mainly away from him. But if it was really Gavin's plan, then that was the way to link Marissa to him, and Blake had to use it in his favor.

"No, don’t worry." Blake decided to be cordial instead of pushing her away in an unfriendly way, as he really wanted to. “Why don't you go enjoy your day off, huh? I can take care of everything here.” In addition to being very friendly, Blake also reached for her shoulder and returned the suggestive way in which she had stroked him before. It was all part of a plan that he had just formed in his head, and that he only needed to better organize later.

Marissa seemed surprised by his gesture, but smiled soon after. "Ok, I'll leave then." She seemed content, as if she got what she wanted, so Blake focused on Apollo again. “Hope you have a great day.” She said to him before moving away and saying goodbye to the boys. He took a deep breath when he saw her leaving the kitchen. 

He also heard when she went out the front door and closed it. Blake then focused on the rest of the boys' breakfast and what he planned to bring to Gwen in bed. He made pancakes — with Zuma’s help — because he knew she liked it, but he fed the children first and also ate some, giving her more time to rest. When the boys finished eating, Blake left them in the living room watching TV and took a tray of food and a mug full of coffee to Gwen upstairs.

When he got to the room, he heard the shower running, which indicated that she was in the shower, so he waited a few minutes. After a while she came out of the bathroom in a bathrobe and with wet hair. The whole room smelled really good. 

"Hey, I brought you breakfast." Blake got up from the bed to greet her. 

"Oh God, I'm starving!" She went to him and they exchanged a quick kiss on the lips. "Thank you, Blakey."

"The boys are fed and distracted by TV. Apollo is in the playpen." He told her as he guided her back to bed.

"Oh my God! Pancakes!" Gwen sat, but was still combing her hair. "Did they behave?" She picked up her fork and filled her mouth with a large piece of pancake and banana pieces.

"They were great." Blake also sat on the bed, facing her. "Marissa was in the kitchen when I went downstairs with Apollo." He told her suddenly.

Gwen was halfway with the second forkful of pancake, but she stopped. "Marissa shouldn't be here today."

"I know, but I found her downstairs in the kitchen anyway." He said. “She said she came to get something that she forgot here, but she didn’t have anything with her, not even a plastic bag or a purse. She stayed for a while in the kitchen with the boys and then left. She still had empty hands.” 

“So she didn't come to get anything." Gwen concluded.

"No." Blake agreed. 

She dropped her fork on the plate. Suddenly she was no longer hungry. “That bitch. What is she doing?"

"I do not know." Blake said, taking her fork and lifting it. “Tell me something, how did you hire her? Where did she come from?”

"Someone at the boys' school recommended her." She said. “One of the super school mothers.” 

“What do you mean?” Blake offered the fork to Gwen, so she could go back to eating, she initially rejected it, but he insisted until she took it.

“You know? These super moms who have time to bake the most beautiful cookies for school.” She said it like it was obvious. The cookies were a silly example, of course, but she hoped he would understand.

Blake kept looking at her and waiting for more details, but that was it, they never came. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Never mind.” She waved her hand. “So it was some kid’s mother. Someone from Zuma’s class. She said Marissa worked for someone she knew and that she was great. I talked to her last employer, she had great references.” 

“Hm.” Blake frowned. It was Gwen’s turn to look at him and wait for more details. “I noticed something today. I don't think Marissa heard you telling Jen about Zuma, I think he told her himself.”

"You think Zuma told Marissa about his bed wetting incident?" She wanted to confirm. 

"I think so." He confirmed it. “I saw them talking today, Marissa seems to be using certain things to win him over. She brought him a cake today. I mean, just for him, and it was his favorite too.”

“What if that’s what she came to do? Maybe she's hurting him, Blake. What if there's something in that cake?” Gwen panicked a little. "Did he eat it?"

"No, I didn't let him eat it." Blake made sure to tell her, to calm her down. “But I don't think she would hurt him. I mean, if she's working with Gavin, she wouldn’t, right? Zuma is his son.”

She didn't even need a second to think. "You shouldn't even ask me that, you know what he's been accusing you of and how bad this is going to hurt Zuma too." She didn't need to say much more, Blake understood it right away. “I don't trust him at all. What if he wants to hurt the kids to blame me and take them from me?”

He took a deep breath. She was right. "He's not going to eat that cake." Blake concluded. "I'm going to throw it out, but he's going to be really upset, so I’ll buy him another one." He said as he got up from the bed.

"Ok, Daddy." Gwen chuckled and took the coffee mug.

Blake was almost out the door when he noticed it and ran back to get it out of her hands. "You are not drinking this either."

"Wow what was that?" Gwen took the napkin to wipe the coffee spatter off her chin. "The doctor said I can have coffee, I just can't overdo it."

“Fine, but not this one. Marissa made that.” Blake explained himself. "And if there's someone I know Gavin would gladly hurt, it's our baby."

"Ok, we can't go on living like this." Gwen suddenly lost her cool. "I want her away from here."

Blake put the mug back on the tray when he heard her changed voice tone. He cupped her face with both hands. "Hey, look at me." He said. “I think I have a plan. Do you trust me?"

"What? You’re not going to tell me?” She was too distressed to just let it go.

He let go of her face, but was still looking at her. "I will tell you, just not right now." Blake assured her. “There is a first part of the plan where I need to act alone, but then we are going to do everything together. If I tell you now, you’ll tell me not to do it, but you have to trust me, ok? I really think it can work.”

"I trust you." Gwen said on the spot. And that she did.

“Ok, good. You’ll have to. But we will fix this.” He was confident about his plan, although it was risky. “And you won’t have to worry about Marissa or Gavin anymore.”

“I can’t wait.” She sighed. “I just want to be able to enjoy these last 3 months of pregnancy, and I want you to enjoy it too.” He came over to caress her face, because her tone changed again, but now she sounded somewhat sad. “It’s the first pregnancy you are experiencing, your first child. Hopefully, my last one. It’s not fair that we have so much going on.”

"It's probably my only one too." He leaned over to kiss her. His hand went up to caress her face. "I plan on being with you forever."

"Don't you want more kids, though?" That was something Gwen had been afraid of asking for a while, but that was necessary for a better understanding of their relationship. She wasn’t planning on having more kids after that one. She wasn’t even planning that one at all. 

If having other children was fundamental to Blake, then the two of them were investing in that relationship for nothing, because there would be no future in which both of them would be satisfied and that would probably weigh on their relationship, no matter how much they loved each other.

"I wasn't sure I would have a child at this point in my life, especially after a divorce that I was sure would keep me away from serious relationships for a long time, so I'm very grateful for this baby that we made." His hand reached her baby bump over the thick bathrobe, but he still stroked it. "You, our baby girl, and the boys are enough for me. I didn’t even think I would have a family of my own, but I realized you are my family.”

They kissed again, but this time Gwen broke the kiss to laugh softly. "Good thing you don’t choose your family, huh?” 

Blake laughed too. “I kind of did, though. I chose my family at a party at Adam's house. Who would’ve thought?”

"Oh stop lying." She was still laughing. "You chose to have sex with me in the bathroom, you had no idea that that would become this." Gwen placed his hands on her baby bump. "And that it would bring you a lot of responsibilities and a bunch of other kids too."

At that point they were both laughing out loud. "I learned at school that sex had consequences and responsibilities." He said, shrugging.

"Uhuh." She mocked. "Stop romanticizing this whole mess."

"You know what? This mess has brought me the best things I've ever had in my life.” Blake honestly said. "I am grateful for all of it and I wouldn’t change anything." He leaned down to kiss her lips again, even if quickly. "I love you, silly. I love our family.”

She pressed her lips against his and they exchanged a longer kiss, until she broke the kiss again. “Do you love me enough to make me a fresh pot of coffee?” She pushed her lower lip forward and pouted. “Please?”

He leaned down to kiss her another time, as if he just couldn’t resist that. "Of course, pretty girl." Blake smiled, taking the mug back before turning to leave. “Now eat the rest of your breakfast. I'm going to throw that coffee and cake away, check on the kids, and I'll be right back with your fresh coffee.”

"I love you!" She yelled to him before filling her mouth with pancake again. "Hmm, this is too good."

Gwen heard Blake laugh, even though he was already far away, in the middle of the hallway. She leaned back against the fluffy pillow and relaxed a little, focusing on her breakfast, but unable to forget all the sweet words he had told her before leaving the room. In her mind, it was too good to be true that a man like him had fallen in love with her. Blake was too good, and knowing that he loved her, even if it was going to end up being momentary and fleeting — because that was how her mind worked, thinking that someone like him wouldn't be with someone like her for too long — made her feel a little better about herself, and gave her a certain inner peace, as if she was somewhat good too, and maybe she was enough.


	35. A few times I’ve been around that track

Gwen stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was wearing a sparkling black dress and black leather leggings underneath, a white jacket and white high heels too, but staring at herself in the mirror, all she could think about was that she didn't like what she saw. She had planned her outfit for the first day of lives a long time ago, but now it just didn't feel right. She thought her legs looked swollen, her breasts were too big for her liking, and they looked squeezed in that dress, and her high heels were already hurting her, but the worst of it was that round, giant baby bump. To be fair, at 24 weeks she was still nowhere near giant, but she was getting there, and all she wanted to do was hide it.

There were days when she could deal with it more easily, days when she didn’t think it was that bad and blamed herself for giving that much importance to something as futile as her appearance while there were many other more worrisome things going on in her life. In those days, she would even come to think that it was silly, but there were days like that one, when looking in the mirror was the worst thing in the world and there was not a single angle she could look at it with better eyes, or outfit she could wear that would make it look better. Then her confidence was close to none and she would get really insecure, to the point she was uncomfortable being around other people. 

At the same time, when thinking about it, Gwen felt really guilty, because the reason she had that huge round bump, which was gradually deforming her body more and more, was because she was growing a baby.

"I'm sorry, baby girl." Gwen stroked her own bump. The baby was quiet, moving moderately sometimes, but as if respecting her feelings, like they had come to a silent conclusion — mother and daughter — that there was nothing they could do about it, and they still had many weeks to go.

Gwen didn't even know how she was going to get out of that trailer and expose her baby bump on the set. She couldn’t imagine herself greeting her friends like that, or parading among the people she didn’t know well, but who worked there, much less showing up on tv’s all over the country, at the houses of the millions of people who would be watching the show that night.

She took a deep breath and even felt exhausted, as if her energy was being drained more by the second.

"Oh you look beautiful!" Marissa passed her inside the trailer while Gwen tried to spy through the window on what was going on outside.

"Thanks." Gwen didn't even turn towards the other woman. What she needed the least at the moment was trying to fake sympathy for someone she didn't sympathize with.

“Aren't you going outside? It seems like everyone is gathered there in the communal area.” Marissa was responsible for keeping the kids safe while Blake and Gwen worked that night, but they weren't stupid, and Todd would also be around when they went to the big set. 

The boys were sitting on the couch eating snacks and Kingston was playing video games. 

"Yes, I'm going outside, I just have to..." Gwen took a few steps back and reached for the lipstick on her makeup table. She reapplied it, but she didn't need to she was just buying herself a few more seconds before she had to leave the trailer.

Soon she realized that it wouldn't do her any good, and ended up deciding to leave at once. “Ok, kids, I'll be right back. Behave yourself.” Gwen opened the door and took only a few steps towards the big couches in the center, where the others were gathered, when they noticed her presence.

"Look at her, just look at her." Blake pointed in Gwen's direction with both hands, making a huge scene as she was approaching them. They all stood up. Adam, Behati, Pharrell and Carson were hanging out with him there. "Isn't she perfect?"

"Shut up, stop it!" Gwen almost wanted to dig a hole there to hide, because all that he was doing was attracting everyone's attention to her.

“I can’t, you’re so damn beautiful.” Blake approached Gwen just to kiss her face and softly stroke her hair. "And look!" He excitedly pointed directly to her baby bump. "It's my baby in here." He had to lower his voice so that only the people around them could hear.

“This is fucking weird.” Adam chuckled. 

"Yes, but you do look really beautiful." Pharrell praised her, even though he was agreeing with Adam. To them, getting to see their friends dating and about to have a baby together was still weird. 

"All this pregnancy glow is doing you good." Behati agreed. “And I didn’t even know pregnancy glow was really a thing.” 

“Please, it’s not.” Gwen waved a hand in the air. “Don’t fall for it, all I have is pain and pregnancy weight."

"You still look beautiful, they are right." Adam agreed too, and reinforced the argument. “I'm sorry you have to deal with Shelton, but I'm really happy you're having his baby. Mostly because your ex is an asshole, but also because Blake finally did something good in his life.” He approached Gwen too and put his arm around her shoulders.

Blake shrugged. "I won’t even argue with that, because it's true."

“Hey it’s not true.” Gwen disagreed. “You’re really good, Blakey.” 

Adam took his arm from around her. “Yeah, this is too weird for me.” 

“Aren’t you going to ask her what she’s doing with me?” Blake laughed. “Go ahead, everybody here is wondering the same thing.”

“I will ask her in private.” Adam made sure to let him know that was something he planned to do, even though it was just a joke. 

“Enough you too.” Behati rolled her eyes, laughing. “You are not the star on tonight’s show. Everybody wants to see Gwen.”

“Oh no.” Gwen panicked a little. “Then I will need you guys to do a lot of that when we’re live, so people are not looking at me.”

“Hey stop that.” Blake turned to her and used his soft tone, lowering his voice so nobody else would hear. The other ones around found something else to do quickly. “You look stunning. I actually want to kiss you and screw your lipstick up.”

She giggled. “No you don’t.”

“Yes I do.” He caressed her arm, relieved that she was laughing again. “Remember the first time we kissed and I ended up wearing your lipstick all over my face? You look so good right now that I want that again.”

“What a weird kink.” She teased him.

Blake laughed out loud and that made her laugh too.

"So, are you guys ready?" Carson interrupt them. "We have some press to do and then we will all gather to wait for the time to go live."

"Okay, I'm just going to give the kids and the nanny some last instructions." Gwen turned to leave. 

“She looks good even from behind.” Blake said it loud enough for her to hear, and everybody else too. 

“Blake!” Gwen whined, even though she didn’t turn back around. 

“Gross.” Adam teased him.

“Hey Adam.” Blake called him just so he would get closer to him, and when his friend was close enough, Blake patted him on the shoulder. “I hope that when my daughter is born, every time you look at her sweet face, you remember that she was wildly made in the guest bathroom of your house, with a lot of passion.” 

“Fuck you, asshole.” Adam pushed his hand away from his shoulder, but they were both laughing. “What is Gwen Stefani doing with you?”

“Don’t forget the passion detail, ok?” Blake teased even more. “Wildly and with a lot of passion. I said _a lot_.”

“Shut up.” They were still laughing and teasing each other. “What are you going to call your baby? Honeybee?”

Blake couldn’t hold a loud laugh. “Hey that’s not a bad idea. Gwen would kill me.”

“Honeybee Shelton. Stupid like you.” 

They were laughing and joking for a little while more, until they heard a loud noise coming from inside Gwen's trailer. It startled Blake right away, and Adam quickly noticed the change in his friend's face. 

"I'm sure it's just the kids playing." He said.

"Well, I'll check it out anyway." Blake told him before walking away from his friend and going towards the trailer.

When he walked up the few steps before the door, he could already hear her voice inside. “I don't want any of this here, I don't want any of this anywhere else. I'm getting really tired of it, that's enough!”

Blake pushed the door a little to peer inside. Gwen was standing in the middle of the trailer and had Apollo in her arms. The other two boys were sitting on the couch, Zuma with a frightened facial expression and Kingston looked bored. "If I catch you two fighting again, I won't be bringing you here anymore."

"But mom, Kingston took the game out of my hand when I was playing." Zuma said, seeming hurt by whatever had happened. He even had a shaky voice tone, like he was about to cry. “And then he pushed me into the closet and closed the door. He didn't want to let me out, so I pushed the door and I cried.”

Blake then decided to get in the trailer and close the door behind him, so no one else was listening to them.

"I didn't do any of that, I just took the game out of his hand because it was my turn to play and he cried like a baby and attacked me.” Kingston denied what his brother said.

Gwen looked back just to see who was getting in the trailer, but when she saw that it was Blake, she didn't care much, and went back to paying attention to her kids.

"Are the kids fighting again?" He stopped beside Marissa, who was further behind, near the door.

"Yes, they are stressed and I don't think they should be here today." She told him, taking the opportunity to criticize Gwen's judgment. "Poor kids. But poor Gwen too, she's not doing well, huh? I just saw her staring out the trailer window like a shy kid who wants to play but doesn’t know how to make friends.”

"She is dealing with many things at the same time." Even though Blake had a plan and was playing Marissa's game, he felt like the way she always needed to criticize and downplay Gwen when she wasn’t listening was about to suffocate him, since there was nothing he could do about it. 

Blake decided to walk away from Marissa or he would probably compromise his entire plan. He approached Gwen and took Apollo from her arms. She breathed a sigh of relief, because the weight of her youngest son and the baby she was carrying, added to that heavy conversation with her older ones was about to get too overwhelming.

"Is everything ok here?" He asked her.

"The boys are fighting again." She answered, sighing despondently.

"Kingston locked me in the closet and didn't want to let me out!" Zuma told Blake.

"I didn't do that!" King stomped his foot.

"Yes, you did. Marissa knows, she made you let me go." Zuma bravely faced his older brother.

Gwen and Blake turned towards Marissa at the same time. “Hm, I was packing the boys' clothes in their backpacks and I heard them both screaming. When I got here they were arguing and pushing each other. I didn't see any of that closet fight, if there was one.” 

Zuma opened his mouth in surprise and Kingston just stared at them. Blake thought that was all way too weird, but there were only two explanations that came to his mind: Either Zuma was lying and thought Marissa was going to help him because of how close Blake had found out they supposedly were, or she was covering up something that Kingston had really done, but Blake couldn't understand why.

“Ok, that's enough. As soon as we finish the show tonight, you will be going to your father's.” Gwen determined their punishment. "You won’t be coming back to the set until you stop fighting like this."

"Excellent!" Kingston sounded like he didn’t care. “I don’t like this place anyway.” 

“Oh, but don't you think you will be playing video games and eating junk food there. I'm going to have a serious conversation with your dad. You are both seriously grounded.” She sounded like she was about to burst with stress and frustration. 

"But mom..." Zuma whined.

"No but." She gave the final say. “Now Marissa, please take the kids to Todd. He's in the cafeteria and will be with you the whole time.”

"Ok, come on boys." Marissa approached Blake to get Apollo, and of course she didn't miss the opportunity to caress his hand during that transfer. Blake felt a creepy chill of terror run up his spine, but Gwen was distracted, giving orders to Zuma and Kingston.

Marissa left with the three boys, and Gwen was relieved because she knew Todd would be with them all the time and they would be safe while she was working.

“Ugh, these kids are going to kill me one day." She sighed and sat on the couch.

Blake came over and sat on the other end. He took her legs and placed them on his lap to help her relax a bit. "Do you really want to take them to Gavin?" He took the high heels off her two feet and started a deep massage on her heel and in the center of her feet, which made Gwen moan with pleasure.

“Gavin called and asked to see the kids. I'm trying to play his game so he won't start pressuring me to sign the divorce papers I said I was going to sign.” She explained, between sighs and moans. "That’s right, like this. A little more to the left. Down a little. That's it, right there. Now squeeze it a little harder.” He was changing the position of his hands while she guided him, until she was completely satisfied with the spot. "How did you know I needed a massage?"

"When don’t you need one?" Blake chuckled. "I just thought you deserved one." He continued to massage her feet while she let out the sounds of a very content girlfriend. “The older boys are giving each other a hard time, huh?”

“Yes, Kingston is being mean again.” She groaned. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“So you think Zuma is telling the truth?” He asked, still concentrated on the massage, eventually changing from one foot to the other.

“Oh yeah. Zuma doesn’t lie. I know my kids very well.” Gwen assured him. “There’s a reason why King is picking on him, I just don’t know what exactly yet.” 

“So Marissa is covering up the things Kingston is doing to his brother. But why?"

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, she just lost Zuma’s trust. He hates lies.” She told him. “That’s why I made the boys believe going to their father’s was their punishment.”

"Hm.” Blake was deeply thinking for a second. “I think Kingston knows something, Gwen. Marissa is covering for him so that he covers for her.” He came to a sudden conclusion. “You just did something incredible. You made her lose Zuma and now we have to make her lose Kingston.”

Gwen didn’t notice that her attitude towards the children could have helped his plan, which she still didn't even know what it was about. "What is on your mind?" 

"You used what Zuma hates most against her, now we're going to use something that we know that Kingston hates too. And when he is ready, we make him talk.” He explained.

“Sounds like playing chess with my kids.” She seemed a little uncertain. “I don’t know about that.”

“But that’s what they are doing, and we have to do better if we plan on protecting the kids and ourselves.” But Blake didn't want Gwen to worry about that yet, because his plan was not yet complete, so he changed the subject. “Look, pretty girl, I want you to know that you’re doing your best and that you’re doing great, ok? Because it is enough. I am here with you for everything you need.”

Her eyes softened and Gwen smiled at him. "Thank you, Blakey." She sat up and leaned forward, her lips lightly touching his for a kiss. 

Blake's hands went up to her neck and face. They exchanged an intense kiss for a few seconds, but he soon broke it. “Since you're taking the kids to Gavin, what do you say we have dinner together, just you and me? I can go to the grocery store while you drop them off and I will buy something special. What do you want to eat?"

"You." She said, in a suggestive tone. "And dessert." Her lips chased his again and the kiss was even more intense, although it was as brief as the other one. 

“We will get there." Blake laughed softly after breaking the kiss again. "But what about dinner?"

"I don't know." Gwen pulled her face away from his to look him in the eye. "Surprise me."

"Hm challenge accepted." He joined the game quickly.

  


***

  


Blake and Pharrell were on one side of the press room and Gwen and Adam were on the other, interviewers came in on the left, interviewed Gwen and Adam and then headed for Blake and Pharrell, before leaving. They were quick interviews of up to a maximum of 5 minutes, and the reporters were the same ones who were always around, covering the show's panel, but even so Blake hated that part of his work. He didn't like answering questions about him at all, or the same few repeated questions about the show, and even more so when he had to avoid uncomfortable questions about his personal life, which was happening a lot at that moment, with all that divorce mess, his relationship with Gwen and her pregnancy. Pharrell was helping him to escape the most absurd questions, but Blake imagined that it was much worse for Gwen. However, the way he heard her and Adam laughing on the other side of the room, said that they were probably handling it well too. He knew Adam very well and knew that his friend would never let them upset Gwen.

"What are your plans for The Voice season 9?" The interviewer asked him and Pharrell at the same time, but Blake was quicker.

"To win." He replied, making the other two laugh. "That's what they pay me to do, you know?"

"But who has the strongest team right now?" The interviewer kept going with his questions.

"I think we all have strong people on our teams, so anything is possible this season." Pharrell answered with his usual calm and wisdom.

"But I’ll win." Blake insisted.

"Ok, right." The other waved a hand in the air. "There is no point in arguing with him." He told the man who was interviewing them.

That was the third interview of the day, which meant there would probably be 2 more. The penultimate interviewer of the day was already heading towards them — after wrapping up with Adam and Gwen — when a mess broke out. 

Blake didn't see the start of it, but he started to pay attention when he heard Gwen's voice increase in volume. "I said I won't do this." He stretched a little and looked over everyone's head. He was tall enough to see across the room. 

"What is happening?" Pharrell asked. 

"I don’t know." Blake was curious and concerned. Gwen seemed to speak with the producer who took care of the interviews and the questions asked in them, there was a producer on each side, to ensure that the artists were not harassed, both coaches and contestants.

"I will not answer anything that this woman wants to ask." Gwen went right back to being stressed about whatever situation that was, and Blake quickly looked around her to find the reason for that. And then he saw her: Standing in front of Gwen and Adam, ready to start an interview, was Vickie Martinez, the reporter who was one of the biggest nightmares in their lives at the time.

"No!" Blake walked quickly towards the other corner of the room and excused himself to go through people on the way. He didn't care about Pharrell or the interview they were doing. 

"Did you get this, Frank?" The reporter asked her cameraman.

"Vickie, the boss told us not to get in trouble." The man grunted dissatisfied. 

"I didn't do anything, she's the one who just freaked out." Vickie defended herself.

“We are not going to talk to this woman at all. The end." Adam supported Gwen's decision. At first he was a little confused, but then he immediately remembered who she was, the date that Blake had almost had with that woman once, and that it had caused a lot of problems for Gwen with the media, because the reporter had held her frustrations with Blake against her.

Blake finally managed to reach them and he quickly grabbed Gwen's hand and pulled her towards him. "Come on, this isn't worth it."

"Hi, Blake!" Vickie made a point of provoking him. "I told you I would be around."

"I will deal with you later." He answered her. "You shouldn't be allowed here."

"I will get you fired!" Gwen snorted in anger.

"Careful, Gwen, I have it all on camera" Vickie sneered.

"Oh no you don't." Adam tried a quick move and grabbed her cameraman's camera. It was a professional and heavy camera, but he managed to detach it from the pedestal in one pull and took it with him. "Our producers need to analyze the images, but you will have your camera back soon."

"Hey, you can't do that!" Frank protested, but it was too late, security guards had already approached them, and Adam, Blake, and Gwen were no longer in sight.

"Well, I guess press is over for today." Pharrell said when he was left alone by the other 3 coaches in the press room.

  


***

  


“I already talked to you about this woman, Carson, I told you everything that happened! How did they let her in here?” Blake spoke restlessly, standing, arms crossed, in a corner of the room.

“E! News sent her, I don’t know how she got in, maybe it was a miscommunication.” Carson answered him, but the truth was that he didn’t know how the interview time ended up in such a mess.

“... and I know the kind of things she was about to ask. No matter what I answer, she always distorts everything and make things look worse than they are, I don't want my name on anything that woman writes. If she even speaks my name again, I will sue her and take even those ridiculous pants she was wearing from her.” Gwen, in turn, paced the conference room, unable to stop moving or talking. "It's your fault, Blake, if you weren't in such a hurry to get in somebody’s pants." She wanted to scream, but she just snarled at him. 

He wasn’t offended, first, because she was right, second, because she was nervous and it was somewhat comical, but he wouldn’t dare laugh.

"Can someone explain to me what's going on?" Pharrell questioned, but no one heard him.

"Gwen, please sit down, I am afraid that you will push this baby out of your small body, you are so restless and stressed." Carson advised her, but he got a narrow, unhappy look in response. "I can speak? The station fired Vickie and Frank. Not just from our panel, but in general. They lost their jobs, so they won’t be anywhere near here anymore, ever.” He explained to them. “But they want the camera back, it belongs to them. Who took it?"

"I did.” Adam confessed. “But I'm not going to give it back until Todd erases all the compromising images. You can't convince me otherwise, Carson, it's already being done.”

"Damn you guys!" Carson sighed. “You are causing me problems.”

“Tell them to sue me.” Adam shrugged.

“I told you this wasn't going to work. ” He didn't make it clear, but by they way he pointed in Gwen and Blake’s direction, everyone knew that he was talking about the relationship of their co-workers. 

“Well, this is none of your business.” Gwen fired. “You don't have to recruit me after this season, you just keep Blake and I'm out." She suggested. “Do you think that’s going to work for you, Carson?”

"Gwen, that's not what I..."

"Guys, you have 20 minutes and we go live." Someone knocked on the door. 

"Look, this is going to be the worst show ever if we're all mad at each other." Carson sighed tiredly again. "I'm just trying to take care of you."

“Guys, we are a family." Pharrell said, softening their hearts a little with his calm voice. "We have to take care of each other."

"This is what I was doing with the camera." Adam justified himself, putting an arm around Gwen's shoulders. "Taking care of our family." 

Gwen reached out to take Blake's hand. "Aw, we are not mad at each other, we are just solving problems.” She approached the other two, pulling Adam and Blake with her, and they all ended up in a group hug that soon became a joke between the guys.

"Get away from me." Adam pushed Blake when he tried to kiss his face, so he tried with Carson, because Pharrell had already rejected him. "Ok, so no more of this Vickie girl and we'll be fine." He ended that conversation.

"We'll be fine." Gwen agreed with him. “And by the way, Carson, it's too early for this baby to be born. Too early even for a premature birth. I'm not going to push anything out of this body anytime soon.” She had a playful tone this time.

Blake let out one of his loud, deep laughs.

"Some babies are born at 24 weeks, you should take it easy." Carson replied. It was a joke, but he had a concerned tone too, deep down. He really thought Gwen should try to take it easy more often.

  


***

  


"Hey Todd!" Blake ran to catch up with Gwen's brother at the cafeteria. "Did you manage to erase everything from the camera?"

“Yes, I deleted everything and gave it to Carson. Now they will return it to ‘E! News’ or whatever channel that Vickie person worked for.” Todd replied while storing his equipment in a backpack.

"Thank you so much, man, this is a relief." Blake sat on one of the benches at the table. "I think there is still a lot of trouble to come because of that."

"What do you mean?" Todd looked at him with a curious and concerned expression.

“Do you think Vickie is going to leave this as it is? She lost her job and I doubt she'll find another one in this industry after so many people asking for her head like that.” Blake explained his concerns. "I think she'll find a way to get revenge, and now she's someone else trying to hurt Gwen."

“We will take care of Gwen." Todd promised, and Blake had no doubt that he would actually do that for his sister. “Where is she?"

"She went to take the kids to Gavin's apartment." Blake said.

"Oh, so no one is taking care of Gwen, huh?” He realized that his promise was already flawed in that first minute.

"When you say it like that, it makes me worried." Blake really felt a shiver run up his spine, but there wasn’t much he could do in that specific situation. “But she's fine, she is just dropping them off at Gavin’s. I will go to the grocery store to get some things for dinner and we will meet at home.”

“A little late for dinner, isn't it?" Todd joked. "What about Marissa?"

“She left after the live show was over. She is not with Gwen.” Blake told him.

"Ok, not too bad then." Todd closed his backpack. "But maybe you should have been there, Blake."

"Knocking on Gavin's door? As if that wouldn't get us into more trouble.”

“True." Gwen's brother agreed. “I’ll ask Jen to check on her and I'll let you know." He patted Blake on the shoulder.

"Thanks man." Blake returned the pats and slowly turned around. “I'm leaving too, then. Call me if-” Blake stopped mid-sentence. His eyes followed the movements of another person on the other side of the cafeteria, who had just taken a coffee in a to go cup. “Todd, tell me if I’m seeing things. I can only be delusional.”

Todd was confused for a few seconds, but then he followed Blake's gaze and his eyes also opened wide. “Holy shit! Is that the stalker? ” 

Sitting at a table just a few feet from them, inside the set cafeteria, dressed all in black again, quietly opening his laptop and taking a carefree sip of his coffee, was the mysterious man who had been prowling around Gwen lately.

"That's Gwen's stalker and I told him if I come across him another time in my life he would regret it.” Blake made a move as if to go after the man, but Todd held his arm.

“That's why I recognized him, he works here, but not in any position that has a lot of access to any of you. He’s always backstage though and I talked to him once. Let me handle this, please. Let's be smarter.” 

That was the opposite of what Blake really wanted, he had never been a violent guy, but something about that man bothered him deeply, and especially after all that mess with Vickie earlier, he would really enjoy punching someone in the face.

“Ok, you have one chance. I'll be right here and ready to jump in.” He ended up giving him his chance to deal with that.

“Ok, but then sit with your back to his table, so as not to attract attention." Todd instructed him. "He can’t see you here or it won’t work. Leave it to me, he looks like the kind of guy I can get information from and you can't."

"You have only one chance, Todd." Blake reminded him. “I will punch him in the face if you aren’t successful and the only information we will be getting is DNA."

“No pressure, right?" Gwen's brother put the backpack on his back and left Blake behind, heading for the mysterious man at the other table in the cafeteria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Thank you!


End file.
